


Stay With Me

by alnima



Series: Trust Me [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Baby Niall, Daddy Harry, Daddy Zayn, Established Relationship, Kid Fic, Liam Payne/Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, Sequel, uncles louis and liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2017-12-28 15:38:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 51
Words: 173,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/993634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alnima/pseuds/alnima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn and Harry could never get it quite right. And now isn't any different. Except it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't know or own anyone. This work is my own and it is not featured on any other site, nor does anyone have my permission to repost it in its entirety. Thank you!!!

Zayn eyes the cookbook laid out on the counter with wary eyes as he flips through the pages to try and find someone the can whip up without burning the house down. Or something he can cook that doesn’t take a lot of time and attention since Niall is on the other side of the room with his little easel set up and little paint tubes scattered across his little tray. 

Zayn is terrified of getting too immersed in his cooking that he’ll forget to watch Niall and the white kitchen walls will become the rainbow kitchen walls. Niall’s never drawn or painted on the walls before but Zayn thinks that it’s probably something all children do so it’s only a matter of time before Niall thinks of the stark white walls in the same way he thinks of blank paper or now his little blank canvases. Zayn knows he did when he was younger and it’s only a matter of time before Niall feels the same way. 

He groans as he continues to flip through the book not finding anything good enough. He stops and closes the book and takes a deep breath before he flips it back open. It settles on a page for a chicken pasta dish with noodles and fancy sauce that Zayn thinks he can make in the time he has before Harry gets here. It sounds appealing so he leaves the book alone to gather the ingredients listed. 

Tonight is the one year anniversary of when Zayn and Harry first met, roughly, but more importantly it’s the six month anniversary of when they got their shit together and became a couple, officially. 

They’ve had their ups and downs, surprisingly most of the downs happened before they decided to get together. Harry had slipped in seamlessly to the pattern of Zayn and Niall’s lives. 

He’s still living in his own house on the opposite side of town but he spends most of his nights sleeping in Zayn’s apartment, and every other weekend they lock themselves away in his house with Niall. He helps Zayn by watching Niall when he has to work late at the diner. He takes Niall to daycare on days that Zayn doesn’t have to work or he gets to go in late. He’ll pick Niall up when Zayn doesn’t get the chance too. Sometimes he’ll get off work early and Zayn will comes from work with Niall and find Harry in the kitchen cooking them all dinner. 

They’re oddly domestic together and it makes Zayn’s heart flutter at the way Harry will pick up groceries for his apartment or see something in a shop window that he’ll think Zayn or Niall will like so he buys it and surprises them when he sees them. Harry spoils them and at first he thought it was Harry trying too hard or overcompensating for something, but now he just realizes it’s Harry and he loves with his heart wide open and wants everyone he cares about to have nothing but the best. 

Loving Harry is easy and they fit together like missing pieces of a puzzle with a little space in between where Niall fits in.

Zayn’s still terrified that one day Harry will wake up and realize this isn’t how he wants to live his life. Or that he’ll wake up and realize he doesn’t want the responsibility of taking care of someone else’s child. Zayn’s biggest fear is that one Harry will reject Niall and in turn reject him. Not everyone wants to start a relationship with a toddler in the middle of them when they drop down on the couch or when they’re trying to sleep together in the same bed. Niall is always there if not for the one night a week Louis takes him and sometimes Zayn worries the one night together isn’t enough for Harry. He’s paralyzed by fear but he thinks that Harry is probably feeling the same way sometimes, that Zayn will take Niall and leave or that he’ll have a freak out and push Harry away again. 

But Zayn doesn’t think that he can or could, because now that he has Harry he refuses to let him go. Not when things are going so perfectly. 

Zayn shakes his thoughts and glances down at the recipe in front of him so he can begin cooking their meal. 

~~~

“Where Daddy?” Niall asks. 

Zayn looks up and tries not to wince as he watches Niall swirl the brush around in a dirty cup of water, causing droplets to fly out and land on the ground around him. It’ll be easy to clean but maybe investing in a drop cloth wouldn’t be a bad idea since Niall taken such an interesting in painting lately. 

“Baba,” Niall says as he turns to look at Zayn expectantly. “Where Daddy?”

Zayn glances at the clock on the stove to check the time and sees its quarter past seven. “He had to go home after work, but he’ll be here in fifteen minutes.”

“That’s long,” Niall says solemnly as he looks at Zayn sadly. 

“It won’t be long if you keep painting. I bet Daddy will love to see your new picture.”

Niall smiles brightly and nods his head before turning back and swiping the red paint across the canvas. 

Zayn watches Niall for a moment before he turns back to check on the food. It’s nearly finished and he has enough time for it to finish it and change into a nicer set of clothes before Harry gets here. 

But when he says nice clothes he means ones that don’t smell like the deep fried food of the diner and sweat since the air conditioner is broken and he spends his days glistening behind a cash regiater. He rummages around through his closet and pulls on a pair of pale colored jeans and a navy blue knit sweater before running back in the kitchen to turn off the stovetop. 

“Z? Ni?” 

Zayn glances up at the clock to see Harry is five minutes early and Zayn is five minutes behind his goal of having the food cooked and set out on the table. 

“Daddy,” Niall shouts and Zayn hears tiny feet running across the floor, which he knows belong to Niall who is probably diving in Harry’s arms in the entryway. He knows they’ll come and join him so he shifts the pans on the stove from the burners that are still hot and onto the cooler ones in the back so the food inside can have a moment to cool down.

“You’re early,” Zayn says when he hears Harry’s footsteps shift from carpet to hardwood. 

“Daddy, down,” Niall says and Zayn turns around just in time to see Harry setting Niall on the ground, who runs back over towards his easel in the corner. 

Harry shrugs his shoulders and drops his keys and wallet down on the counter. “Are you complaining?”

“No, just observing.”

Harry nods and steps forward again so he’s closer to Zayn, within arms reach, and speaks, “Six months.”

“Six months,” Zayn parrots back. “Six long months.”

Harry laughs and reaches out so he can pull Zayn against his body in a hug. “You mean six beautiful months.”

“Well winter was a bit harsh this year, but now that’s spring I’m starting to enjoy the months again,” Zayn replies sarcastically as he smiles up at Harry. “We’ll see how the summer goes though.”

“Oh shut up. You know I’m not talking about the weather.”

“Yeah. I know. Six amazingly beautiful and wonderful months, together of all things.” 

“Yeah,” Harry says with a far off look in his eyes. “But it feels longer. Like instead of being together six months like we’ve been together for six years.”

“Niall would be eight,” Zayn replies with a sour expression. “I don’t want to think about that.”

“He’s the constant reminder that it hasn’t been as long as it feels.”

“Just six months.

“Are you going to say it?” Harry asks with a smile as takes a few more steps forward so he is cornering Zayn against the counter. 

Zayn rolls his eyes and shakes his head at Harry who has continued for six months to ask or tell Zayn to tell him. He stares in his Harry’s eyes when he says, “I love you.”

“Yeah,” Harry says with a soft as he reaches up to brush his hand along Zayn’s cheekbones. “I love you, too.” He seals his words with the press of his lips against Zayn’s. 

“All right, ya great sap,” Zayn laughs as he pulls away from Harry. “Get Niall cleaned up while I put dinner on plates.”

~~~ 

They put Niall to bed with gentle ease after months of coming down with a routine in order to get it done as efficiently as possible. 

Someone will step up and give Niall a bath while the other gets Niall’s pajamas, diaper and bed ready. 

Three months ago, Zayn finally caved to Harry and Louis incessant nagging about Niall needing to get rid of his crib and get a toddler bed in the apartment because it’s not enough to have one at Harry’s house only. Zayn thought the idea was bullshit because he wanted Niall in bed with him every night and having a crib in the other room that Niall was bound to break out of anyway served the greater good. Or in Zayn’s case served him in getting his way. But broke down and agreed that it was for the best to buy a new bed. 

After the bath Harry will say his good nights to Niall and kiss him on the forehead before retreating out of the room to leave Zayn alone to read Niall his bedtime story. Sometimes he just retires into Zayn’s bedroom and changes into some of the pajamas he keeps in Zayn’s dresser or other times he’ll leave the apartment quietly to head back home for the night. 

He may be ‘Daddy’ now but he’ll never be Niall’s Baba and he respects the fact that some things remain special and sacred to father and son. 

After the book is read Zayn will tuck Niall in and flip on the night light before going into his room and putting on his own pajamas. If Harry is there for the night, like he is tonight, then he’ll be waiting in bed for Zayn with a book spread out on his lap as he reads to pass the time away. 

Tonight though Harry doesn’t have a book, instead he’s lying under the blankets with his body facing the door while he watches Zayn get dressed into his pajamas. 

Zayn crawls into bed and let’s Harry burrow himself against his side as he wraps an arm around Harry’s shoulder and the other around his waist so he can tug the boy closer. Harry comes willingly, always accepting of a cuddle, and throws an arm and a leg around Zayn’s body, humming in contentment at the contact. 

Zayn feels his body relax at the contact as he takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry if tonight wasn’t the anniversary you were expecting.”

Harry shuffles around until he’s able to lean his head up and look at Zayn properly. “What are you babbling about?”

“I just mean we spent the night with a toddler organizing blocks by color and building towers on the living room floor while some Disney movie played on in the background.”

“Mulan,” Harry interrupts.

“What?”

“That’s what was playing in the background. Mulan.”

“That’s not the point. The point is…you probably weren’t imagining tonight to pan out this way or any relationship you ever have that lasts six months to pan out this way. So I’m sorry if it’s disappointing to you.”

Harry rolls his eyes and pinches Zayn’s side lightly. “Yes, Mulan and blocks aren’t my two favorite things in the world, but you and Niall are so spending time with you two is more than enough. Besides it’s only six months. It’s the year mark that’s important and I’m thinking family vacation.” 

“Family vacation?”

“Yeah,” Harry replies as he settles his head back on Zayn’s shoulder. “Some place warm with a beach so we can take Niall swimming and do romantic stuff like hold hands as we walk down the beach. We could even take those silly family portraits where everybody rolls around in the sand and gets it’s in the hair and their pants. It’ll be wonderful.”

Zayn laughs as he imagines Harry sprawled out along the sand in khaki shorts, probably borrowed from Liam, and a crisp white shirt while he grumbles about sand in his underwear. “You don’t want to spend it alone? With just the two of us?”

“Nothing is the same without Niall. We can do some fancy dinner or something before the vacation or after when we’re sunburned and cranky. And Niall will be burnt and cranky so we can drop him off with Louis and Liam for a night and we can eat fancy food and come home to rub aloe on each other because we’ll be too sore to do anything else.”

“Wow. You’ve thought about this a lot.”

“It’s six months away. I’ve got to be prepared before it sneaks up on us,” Harry replies with a yawn. “Just imagine, you and Niall both wearing life jackets as I hold you both above the water since neither of you can swim.”

“Oh god,” Zayn groans. “Go to sleep, Harry.”

“Yeah,” Harry murmurs and his voice is quiet and far off and Zayn knows he’s either close to sleep or day dreaming of a far off place with white sand and clear blue water.


	2. Chapter 2

“It’s hotter than hell in here,” Louis groans as he sets down two plates of food on the counter next to the register before he slumps his body over the counter as well.

Zayn reaches out and pats Louis on the shoulder. “They’re supposed to be fixing the air conditioning soon. We didn’t need it over the winter so it wasn’t a priority. I put the call in this morning,” Zayn explains as he reaches around Louis and grabs the salad the other boy made.

“I don’t know how much longer I can wait. It’s easier for you since you’re standing in front of the open door where air can come through. I’m stuck in the kitchen standing over a hot stove because people keep ordering food that has to be cooked.”

“That’s the point of a diner, Lou, people come here so they don’t have to cook their own food,” Zayn replies as he slips into the booth next to the door. “Stop moping and come eat.”

Zayn takes a bite of his salad and watches as Louis pulls him self off the counter, grabs his own meal, and joins Zayn at the booth to eat their lunch together. “I’m only saying that there is a perfectly lovely grocery store right down the road that is filled with food and I think now would be a lovely time for people to utilize it to it’s full potential. At least until the air conditioning is working again and then they can come back for a burger and some fries.”

“It’ll be fixed in no time.”

“Not soon enough,” Louis grumbles around a forkful of food. “Anyway tell me all about your little anniversary dinner. How was it?”

“It was fine.”

“It was fine,” Louis parrots. “You’re shit at details. I need details, Zayn.”

“I cooked him dinner while Niall painted and he watched. Then we ate the dinner and Harry did the dishes while I cleaned off Niall’s face because we had pasta and of course the sauce was all over Niall’s face and even in his hair. Then we played blocks and watched some Disney movie. After that was over it was bath time and then we went to bed. Is that enough details?”

“You did all right. Did you have sex?”

“Oh my god,” Zayn groans as he puts his head in his hands. “I don’t know why you’re always asking me that, but no we didn’t. I’m not comfortable sleeping with Harry when Niall is in the other room.”

“If I didn’t ask then you wouldn’t tell. And anyway you’re still only having sex once a week?”

“Usually,” Zayn replies with red tinted cheeks. “Sometimes though when we both get off work early we’ll meet up or lunch breaks. It’s not all the time. Usually, and unfortunately, it is only once a week.

“I could have watched Niall,” Louis says. “Or well we could have, Liam and I. You know we’re happy to take him if you need us too especially on your anniversary when you both deserve alone time.”

“I didn’t want to impose,” Zayn replies. “Besides Niall is just as important in my relationship with Harry, and when I mentioned the idea of Niall going somewhere for night Harry seemed upset about the idea. We’re kind of a family now and it only seemed appropriate that Niall was there.”

“But you still freaked out about it,” Louisa says with an all-knowing smile.

“And I still freaked out about it. But what twenty something man wants to spend a night that is supposed to be romantic and intimate with a toddler watching some movie? Louis, we played with blocks."

Louis snorts out a laugh and holds a hand against his chest as he laughs.

“It’s not funny,” Zayn says as he throws a piece of lettuce at his friend. “I live a sad romantic life.”

Louis stops laughing abruptly and clears his throat. “Yours is not that bad.”

“I know it’s not…do you want to talk about it?”

Louis lets out a sigh, tracing the bottom edge of his fork in patterns along the tabletop. “He moved out more of his stuff.”

“Who?” Zayn asks.

“Liam. Last week it was a bunch of books, some movies; the little things, but now I noticed he took out his lamp that he brought to my apartment that he thinks gives off the best reading light. I guess he’s going to need it for wherever he took his books. One of his drawers is empty in the dresser. I can’t remember what he kept in there but I know it wasn’t air.”

“Oh, Lou. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Louis murmurs back as he continues to trace invisible patterns. “I asked him about the lamp and he just shook his head and went back to folding our laundry. He didn’t say anything just asked me if I wanted to order Chinese take out and watch a movie.”

“Louis, you are his boyfriend and you have every right to force him into telling you what’s been going on. This has been months now that he’s been taking shit out of your apartment and not explaining where it went or why.”

Louis and Liam have had a rough six months compared to the six blissful ones that Zayn and Harry have shared.

They continued fighting and arguing over small things that didn’t really warrant a fight, but there was a two month period where the fights had stopped and Zayn thought that everything would be okay again between the two of them. But then after the two months were up they were right back at square one with the arguments.

It’s been three months since Louis has started complaining about things missing from their apartment. It started off small things like one of their frying pans had disappeared, or a coat out of the closet or a missing set of plates. It was always small things but now it’s turning into bigger items that Louis can’t avoid and pretend are walking off or that he misplaced since he has a tendency to get sloppy.

“I’m scared to know the answer,” Louis mumbles in reply.

~~~

Zayn gets home tired and worn out from having to work in the heat and attempt to keep Louis sane and his thoughts away from Liam and the missing lamp.

He hears movement in the apartment and knows that today was a day that Harry picked Niall up from day care and brought him back here. He kicks off his shoes and falls face first into the couch in hopes that maybe Harry and Niall won’t notice he’s home and he’ll be able to get in a quick fifteen-minute nap, if anything. As quickly as the thought enters his mind is as quickly as it leaves because he can feel Niall crawling across his back.

“Baba,” Niall sings, his mouth inches from Zayn’s ear. “Baba, wake.”

Zayn lets out a lungful of air and turns his head to the side so he can look up at Niall. “I’m not sleeping, bud.”

“Not nap time,” Niall explains as he rests his head on Zayn’s shoulder. “Why nap?”

“Just tired. How was daycare?”

“Fun, Baba. Daycare fun.”

“Where’s Harry?” Zayn asks as he rolls over so Niall is sitting on his chest instead of his back.

“Daddy not here.”

“What do you mean he’s not here? Who brought you home?”

Niall huffs out a breath and shakes his head at Zayn. “Uncle Li.”

Zayn sits up quickly and grabs a better hold on Niall so he can stand up with his son in his arms and make his way down the hall in search of Liam. Zayn finds him kneeling on Niall’s floor throwing blocks in a bin that rests against the end of Niall’s bed. He startles when Zayn clears his throat and looks up to offer a tight smile before going back to cleaning up the mess.

“What are you doing here?” Zayn asks.

“Harry had to work later than he normally does and since I took off early he asked me to pick up Niall. He said you were working late and I knew Louis wouldn’t be able to do it since he got off at the same time as you so here I am,” Liam explains as he throws the last block in the box and closing the lid. “I thought he told you, sorry.”

“He might have,” Zayn replies with a shrug. “I haven’t bothered checking my phone all day.”

Liam nods and stands up. “I should probably get home though. Harry should probably be here any minute, and Louis will be wondering where I am.”

Liam brushes past Zayn, after kissing Niall on the cheek, and when he’s halfway down the hall Zayn realizes he should say something in return. “Hey, Li?”

“Yeah?” Liam calls back as he turns around to look at Zayn and Niall.

“It’s none of my business but I think you should talk to Louis.”

“About what?” Liam asks and Zayn can’t help but laugh at his genuinely confused expression.

“Just talk to him, all right? He’s confused and worried and I think he could really use it.”

“Yeah all right,” Liam says with a nod before he turns around and makes his way out of the apartment.

~~~

“Daddy late,” Niall says from his spot on the floor next to Zayn. “Very late.”

Zayn looks up from his drawing and sees Harry shrugging off a sweater and his shoes with an apologetic look on his face. “I know. I’m sorry, Niall. Can you forgive me?”

Niall shrugs his shoulders and picks up one the yellow crayons in front of him so he can add more color to his drawing.

“What if I told you that I brought home ice cream?” Harry asks as he holds up a grocery bag in the air.

“Suck up,” Zayn mutters as he watches Niall chase after Harry into the kitchen.

“I heard that,” Harry shouts from the kitchen. “And because of that comment you’re not getting chocolate sauce.”

Zayn rolls his eyes and picks his pencil back up so he can continue the lines across the paper. He’s continuing his ever-growing sketchbook drawings of Niall and he really couldn’t care about ice cream when he’s trying to get the shading right on Niall’s cheek.

“Baba.”

Zayn looks up and sees Niall holding out a bowl full of ice cream in front of him. Zayn accepts it and swirls the spoon around with a smile. “I thought you said I wasn’t getting chocolate sauce.”

“I don’t think you deserve it but Niall was very firm that if I got some then so did you,” Harry says as he drops down on the couch behind Zayn. He presses a loud kiss to Zayn’s cheek and Zayn has to rub the remains of ice cream off his cheek.

“You’re disgusting, and why aren’t we eating this at the table? Niall is going to get it everywhere,” Zayn says as he looks over to watch Niall trying to sweep his little tongue out and reach the ice cream smears growing up his cheek towards his eyebrows.

“Man invented cleaner for a reason, babe,” Harry explains. “Besides it’s vanilla.”

Zayn shakes his head and lets out a sigh before eating a spoonful of ice cream.

They’re quiet throughout their ice cream eating, listening to the quiet yummys that escape Niall’s mouth.

“Why were you late?” Zayn asks. “Since I can’t be bribed with ice cream. Liam said you had to work late, but he also said you were going to be here three hours ago.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry groans. “We’re working with this new girl at work and she’s an absolute nightmare. She talks too much and whines too much and she’s always trying to change things last minute. And then Liam left so I was the only one helping her on her album and in the end I just threw her out and said I had to get home because it was getting late. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Harry. I was only wondering.”

“I know. She’s just a huge burden and I can’t wait until she’s finished or until I can leave her alone with Liam.”

Zayn nods his head and watches as Niall sets his bowl aside and grabs a hold of a crayon to go back to drawing.

“It’s weird he’s left handed,” Harry says. “Or well he’s not writing yet so we don’t know but he favors his left. Was Amber left handed?”

“No,” Zayn replies as he watches his son’s sticky fingers touch everything on the table in search of a certain crayon. “It’s only eating and when he picks up a utensil or something you have to hold in your hand. He does everything else with his right hand. I don’t know where he got it from or who I should say.”

“He’s special,” Harry says as he gathers the empty bowls. “Special boy,” Harry finishes as he bends down to drop a kiss to Niall’s head. “Special dirty boy, come on, Niall, let’s get you cleaned up before Baba freaks.”

Zayn laughs because he hadn’t spoken how uncomfortable he was with Niall’s sticky, ice cream fingers touching everything, but despite that Harry knew and it causes a warmth to radiate throughout his body that Harry has come to know him so well.


	3. Chapter 3

“Niall, tell Baba what you want to do today. It’s Baba and Niall day,” Zayn says as he sits down on the couch next to Niall who is laid out with his little belly sticking out of his shirt as he watches cartoons. 

Niall shifts his gaze over towards Zayn and furrows his brow a little as he thinks. “Cartoons,” Niall says as he turns back towards the television. 

“Are you sure that you don’t want to do anything else? We could do something fun.”

“Cartoons fun,” Niall explains as he gives Zayn a harsh look. 

Zayn laughs and reaches out to pat Niall’s stomach lightly. “I know they are, sweetheart. Come on scoot over,” Zayn says as he readjusts Niall so he’s on the edge of the couch and he can slide in behind him and cuddle him close while they watch the television together. 

It barely lasts ten minutes before Niall starts shifting around and throwing his legs in odd directions out of boredom. 

“Ni, I have an idea.”

“What?” Niall asks as he turns his head around to look up at Zayn. 

“Do you have to go potty?”

Niall shakes his head. 

“Well wouldn’t it be fun if we tried to go potty on your potty chair that we bought months ago?”

“Not fun,” Niall replies as he rolls off the couch and stands next to it to look at Zayn. “Potty not fun.”

Zayn sits up and lifts himself off the couch so he can scoop Niall into his arms and carry him into the bathroom. Niall catches on quickly to where they are going and tries to grab onto the doorframe so that way Zayn can’t bring him into bathroom and force him onto the potty chair. He tries as hard as he can to stop Zayn but ultimately Zayn is strong and he manages to get Niall inside the bathroom, pants and diaper off and sitting down on the chair. 

Niall huffs out a breath and scowls at Zayn as he folds his arm over his chest. 

“Baby, please can you do this for Baba? Please?” Zayn pleads. 

Niall simply turns his head away and sits there with his arms crossed. 

It takes Zayn twenty minutes to realize that Niall will not go on the potty. So he lifts Niall off and redresses him in a fresh diaper and the pants he was wearing before. As soon as the pants are on Zayn begins to smell urine and he looks down at Niall who is smiling up at him with his arms tucked behind his back. 

Zayn’s eyes narrow as he looks down at Niall because he knows that the angelic smile on Niall’s face isn’t there because his son is the cutest person to ever grace this planet (he is the cutest and most angelic person to ever exist) but he knows that it’s there because Niall had held on long enough to make Zayn break in order to get his way and he wet his diaper in order to let Zayn know this is what he wants and this is what he’s going to do.

Zayn steps back in momentary shock at the cunning nature of his toddler before shaking his head and stripping Niall of the pants that he just put back on. 

“You did that on purpose,” Zayn mutters as he peels off the dirty diaper and tosses it into the trash. 

Niall giggles and kicks his feet in excitement as he allows Zayn to slip on a clean diaper. 

~~~ 

“Uncle Lou,” Niall shouts as he jumps off the couch to run and tackle Louis at the front door. 

Louis bends down in time to catch Niall, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close. “My baby,” Louis says as he continues to hug Niall, gently swaying him back and forth. “I’ve missed my little Niall. How are you? Please tell me good news.”

“Not good,” Niall says. “Baba potty.”

Louis looks at Niall before turning his gaze to Zayn who sighs loudly and says, “I tried to make him use the potty chair.”

Louis lets out a loud gasp and turns back to Niall. “Baba is horribly mean.”

“Not mean,” Niall says in stern voice. “Baba nice.”

“He is, isn’t he? Niall, I can’t even begin to express how much I’ve missed you. Just being here brings me positive energy,” Louis says as he sets Niall down on the floor and goes to sit next to Zayn. 

“Rough day, Lou?”

“Rough life,” Louis retorts as he settles against Zayn’s side and throws an arm and a leg over Zayn’s body. “I need a cuddle. Will Harry be angry if I cuddle you?”

“Do you really care?” Zayn asks as he leans into Louis so their bodies meld better together as Louis slumps into him. 

“No, I think he’s been hogging you too much anyway. You and Niall,” Louis reasons. “I don’t like it very much.”

“You’re welcome here any time Louis and you know that so don’t be bitter towards Harry. What’s going on?”

Louis huffs out a breath and shoves his face into Zayn’s shoulder. “Liam took his golf clubs and didn’t bring them back. They’re gone now. He took his freaking golf clubs.”

“Liam golfs?”

“He used to, but not for a while,” Louis replies. 

“Maybe he sold them or gave them to someone else. I don’t think he would really tell you if he wanted to sell something that you’ll never use either.”

“His green socks are missing too,” Louis interjects. “They’re fuzzy and wool and he hates them but they keep my feet warm so he keeps them in his drawer so that I can use them. I was cold and I went to get them and they weren’t there and I looked around and couldn’t find them and I asked Liam and he didn’t say anything just changed the subject.”

“Maybe you lost them,” Zayn reasons. “It’s a pair of socks and socks are known to disappear.” 

“No. I did all the laundry and looked everywhere. He took them wherever he took his movies and books, and that ugly lamp and the golf clubs is where he’s hiding my socks.”

Louis huffs out a breath and Zayn can feel the material of his shirt on his shoulder where Louis has his face pressed in begin to dampen. “Oh Lou,” Zayn says with a sigh as he tightens his grip around his best friend. He rests his head on top of Louis’ head and runs his hand up and down Louis’ spine. “I told Liam to talk to you but I guess he didn’t. Maybe you should talk to him.”

“No, I can’t,” Louis says in a shaky voice.

“Why not?”

“I’m scared. It’s either nothing and I’m over reacting or it’s everything and I’m not reacting enough. It could be utterly wonderful or utterly horrible and I don’t want to know either way. I just want it to stop.”

Louis continues to cry into Zayn’s shoulder and Zayn continues to try and soothe him as best as he can. He almost forgets Niall is still in the room until he looks down and sees Niall sitting on the floor, toys in hand, and staring up at the two of them with wide, scared eyes. 

“Baba, why cry?” Niall asks when he notices that Zayn is looking at him. “Uncle Lou sad?”

Louis snuffles loudly in Zayn’s shoulder and pulls away so he can wipe the tears that are on his cheeks. He rubs at his eyes and smiles down at Niall. “I’m okay,” Louis says. “But I could use a cuddle. Can we cuddle?”

Niall tosses his toys down and gathers up his stuffed animals (Lion, Bear and Monkey) and crawls onto the couch and into Louis’ lap. He immediately wraps his arms around Louis’ neck and kisses him on the cheek before resting his head on Louis’ shoulder. They ignore Zayn completely and settle into each other as Louis leans back on the couch and holds Niall close. 

Zayn slides further down the couch and watches as Niall tells Louis that it’s okay and he doesn’t need to cry. Louis for the most part doesn’t cry (he breaks down once into sobs that Zayn is worried are going to terrify Niall but he eventually calms down) and instead they drift off to sleep and Zayn is left watching the two of them; Louis with his hand cupping Niall’s back and the other one wrapped around Niall’s shoulders and Niall rests his arms on both sides of Louis’ face. 

Zayn watches them for a minute before vowing that he’s going to corner Liam and force whatever is going on out of him because growing up it was always Zayn feeling broken with Louis there to pick up the pieces and glue him back together and he vows that this time he’ll be the one to help Louis in his time of need and making sure that this all turns out for the best. 

~~ 

Zayn glances up at the clock above the stove and sees that it’s a quarter after seven and Harry is an hour and fifteen minutes later than he had said he was going to be tonight. Zayn rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone and quickly types out, **Where are you?**

He sets his phone down and putters around the kitchen as he tries to find something, anything, to cook for dinner. He has a feeling that when Louis wakes up he’ll be joining them for dinner or he’ll crawl back to his house and wallowing in misery while he waits for Liam to tell him what’s going on. Louis never has a problem asking people what the hell is going on demanding that they give him whatever information that he wants but this is Liam, and Louis is hopelessly and desperately in love with Liam, and Liam is one of the few people that have crawled into Louis’ world and broken down his tough exterior. Zayn knows that their relationship goes deeper than anything than Louis would ever give away because even when he’s making a light hearted comment about Liam his eyes go soft and his mouth twists into the tiniest of smiles because he’s thinking of Liam and Louis has never known a love like the one Liam has given him. But above all things Zayn knows that Louis is scared. He’s absolutely terrified that whatever is going with Liam is negative because they have been fighting a lot and they have been in a slump but Zayn knows they both love each other too much to not find the root of the problem and work it out. Maybe they already know the problem but Louis hasn’t given anything away because as loud mouthed as he is that doesn’t mean he’ll give away everything about Liam. 

Zayn feels his blood boil as he thinks about how in love the two of them are and how perfect they are and how Liam made Louis cry on his couch. It took Niall of all people to make Louis calm down and Niall to comfort Louis to sleep before falling asleep on his on. Granted, Niall had woken up three hours ago but he’s remained on the couch with Louis as he watched movies and plays with his stuffed animals along Louis’ chest. And it has nothing to do with being Niall’s father but Zayn is pretty sure that Niall is greatest thing to ever be presented on this planet. Zayn doesn’t think anyone could ever be as immediately wonderful as Niall is. 

Zayn’s phone buzzes and he glances down at it and reads, _work :(_

Zayn picks up the phone and swipes it into an unlocked state and writes, **Harry, you said that you’d be here an hour and a half ago. I’ve got Louis sleeping on my couch and Niall comforting him on top of being nearly done with dinner.**

It takes several minutes for a response to come in and when it does it reads: _Liam and I have to work late. It wasn’t planned. Liam texted Louis and I thought he would have told you. I’m in the bathroom texting this so our client doesn’t notice. I’m sorry :(_

**Louis has been asleep for hours. It’s fine…just tell Liam he needs to get his shit together and talk to Louis… at least bring him back his socks.**

_Okay??? Lovvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee youuuu_

Zayn rolls his eyes and types back that he loves Harry as well before setting his phone back down on the counter and going back to cooking dinner. 

~~ 

“You don’t have to go home tonight. Harry is working late and he’s going to back to his house for the night. If you want to sleep here you can,” Zayn says as Louis slips on his shoes. 

Louis ended up staying for dinner and a marathon of building block towers and knocking them over with Niall before his phone buzzed with a text from Liam saying that he was on his way home. Louis had immediately sighed and replied that he would be on his way as well much to Zayn’s displeasure. 

“He takes your socks so it’s only fair that I get to take you,” Zayn reasons. 

Louis laughs and Zayn has never been more grateful to hear the noise in his life because if Louis is laughing then it’s okay, he’s okay. “I have to go home. I’m okay, honest. I just needed a cuddle and I cry, I think. I feel better now. You and Niall cured me…mostly Niall. You’re not good for much,” Louis says with a wink. 

“I’m good for a lot of things.”

“I’m sure Harry would agree but I have to get home so I can threaten Liam about socks.”

Louis is halfway out the door when Zayn is struck with an idea. “Wait! Maybe you should hide something of yours or his. Make something of yours disappear and see what happens.” 

Louis looks at him skeptically for a moment before smiling widely. He rushes back inside and kisses Zayn on the cheek before running out of the apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

Zayn shuffles around his apartment as he tries to pack his diaper bag and some light snacks to keep Niall from climbing Louis and Liam’s cabinets to reach the cereals that they have. His boss had called him this morning and told him that he doesn’t need him to come in for the day. It‘s an unexpected day off but Zayn isn’t going to complain about the fact that he now has another day this week where he gets to spend every moment with Niall instead of the moments where he’s not working. 

After getting the call Zayn decided with his newfound day off he and Niall would spend it over at Louis’ place in order to keep him from thinking about the mysterious missing items. He hesitates on if he should pack Niall toys or not but decides against it because in comparison Zayn thinks that Louis’ apartment has more toys and things for Niall to play with than he has. 

Zayn shoves a few more diapers and wipes in the bag before throwing it over his shoulder and making his way back into the living room. 

Niall is sat on the couch kicking his legs back and forth waiting for them to go. He smiles up at Zayn and holds his arms in the air to be picked up. Zayn reaches down and pulls Niall up so he can position him on his hips. 

“We see Uncle Lou,” Niall says as he grips the hair on the back of Zayn’s head. “We cuddle?”

“I don’t know if we’ll cuddle that depends on if Uncle Louis is still sad. You did a good job making him feel better last time. I’m very proud of you,” Zayn says as they make their way out of the apartment and he locks the door behind them.

“I good cuddle,” Niall reasons. 

“You’re the very best,” Zayn agrees.

~~~ 

Zayn knocks on Louis’ door and waits for him to open up. He waits thirty seconds before knocking again. Niall is standing next to him and smiling up at him as he waits for Louis to open the door. He doesn’t hear any noise from behind the door but he knows that Louis is home because he’s always home on his days off and his car is parked in the same place it always is. 

Zayn looks down at Niall and cocks an eyebrow before knocking on the door for a third time. Niall is growing impatient and begins banging on the door, shouting Louis’ name and announcing that he’s here. Zayn reaches down and cups Niall’s fist in his hand to get him to stop. He reaches out for the doorknob and wiggles it, only to find it unlocked. He pulls the door open and ushers Niall inside.

The shades and curtains are drawn so the apartment is darker than normal. He can still see around the apartment and make out the shape of Louis sitting on the couch with his knees tucked under his chin as he stares at the wall opposite him. 

Niall runs across the room and crawls on the couch next to Louis who for his part doesn’t turn his face away from the wall. Niall frowns and turns around so he can run towards Zayn. He wraps his arms around Zayn’s legs and buries his face in Zayn’s thighs. 

“Niall, why don’t you run to your room and play for a little bit, okay? I need to talk to Uncle Louis.”

Niall nods against Zayn’s legs before running off down the hall. Zayn hears the unmistakable sound of Niall riffling through a toy chest trying to find something to play with. Zayn sets the diaper bag down next to the door. 

When Zayn gets to the couch he looks down at Louis and sees that his eyes are swollen and red along with his cheeks. His lips are plumper than normal a tell tale sign of someone whose been crying. 

“Louis, what’s going on?” Zayn asks as he tentatively sits down next to Louis. He reaches a hand out to touch Louis’ knee but his friend recoils and shoves himself over until he’s sitting on the edge of the couch, half dangling off. 

Louis shakes his head frantically as he tries to figure out what to do with his hands. Zayn’s eyebrows furrow as he watches Louis struggle. He’s shaking and Zayn doesn’t understand why he can’t comfort Louis with a reassuring hand. 

“Louis, is everything okay.”

Louis shakes his head wildly. “Liam left,” Louis says and as the words slip out of his mouth so does a fresh bout of tears. 

Zayn closes his eyes and sucks in a breath because he doesn’t want to see his best friend in so much pain. It’s been a long time coming and Zayn knows this has to do with all the fights and the slow disappearance of Liam’s things. 

“Why?” Zayn finally asks when Louis’ sobs have subsided, slightly not fully.

“We’ve been fighting so much, and he left.” 

“Louis, I don’t—you have to tell me what happened. I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me.”

“I didn’t want to change what we had. He wanted marriage and children, and I didn’t. We’ve been arguing about it for months now. I mean he knew that I don’t want kids. I just wanted him. I didn’t need to be married or go and adopt a bunch of kids to prove that to him, but he wants those things and now he’s going to go off and find someone to do those things with because I don’t want them and he doesn’t want them with me anymore.”

“Oh Lou,” Zayn says as he slides closer to Louis. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s not your business,” Louis snaps. “It’s not your business if my boyfriend, ex boyfriend, doesn’t love me anymore.”

“It’s my business if you’re hurt. And Liam loves you more than I’ve ever seen anyone love anyone. I don’t know the details but his love isn’t negotiable.”

Louis recoils slightly and wipes at the tears rolling down his cheeks. “Liam doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He’s been taking his stuff out of the apartment because he didn’t want to hurt me. He didn’t think I would notice. He thinks I’m stupid. He said he was going to do it slowly and then tell me but he said you kept insisting that he talk to me and then he last night he said that Harry had a big talk with him because you asked him to and he said he knew that meant he needed to get his shit together and get it over with before he drug it out even longer.”

With this new bout of information that Louis has spewed out so quickly that Zayn is worried he hasn’t breathed for the last two minutes. Louis’ sadness has seemed to transform into anger as he jumps off the couch in outrage. He stares at Zayn for a moment before he starts pacing across the room with his hands balled up into fists. 

“Louis?”

“Don’t,” Louis says with a growl. “Liam broke up with me because you told him to.”

“I didn’t tell him to break up with you.”

“Liam said that you kept telling him to talk to me. You knew this was going to happen.” Louis’ voice is rising in octaves the more he talks. “You knew my boyfriend was going to break up with but you didn’t care. As long as you have your stupid curly-haired boyfriend and a son then you don’t care about anything else. You’re selfish.”

“Louis, that’s not true. I don’t want you to be unhappy.”

 

 

“Get out,” Louis growls. “Get out.” Louis picks up a magazine and throws it at Zayn and continues to yell at him to leave. Zayn throws his hands up and protects his face. He leaves Louis alone and makes his way down the hallway towards where Niall’s room is located. He steps inside and sees Niall standing frozen in the middle of the room with a toy in his hand as he stares up at Zayn with scared eyes. 

“Why yell?” Niall asks as Zayn scoops him up in his arms and hurriedly makes his way down the hall. He tucks Niall’s face in his neck and covers his ear with his hand to try and prevent Niall from seeing and hearing Louis’ screaming, crying and throwing items he finds in his living room. 

Zayn grabs the diaper bag and slips out of Louis’ apartment. He can hear Louis yelling as he rushes down the hall. 

~~~ 

Zayn is waiting on Harry’s couch as he replays everything that happened while he was with Louis. Niall made it out without being too scared but he did ask the entire cab ride to Harry’s house why Uncle Louis was so angry. He forgot all about Louis though when Zayn unlocked Harry’s door and Cat jumped off the bottom stair and began weaving in and out of Niall’s legs. Niall immediately let out a squeal and bent down to pick up the cat before shouting for Kitty to come and find him. He found the other cat curled up on his pillow when Zayn brought Niall, and Cat upstairs for a nap. Niall burrowed himself under the blanket and pulled Cat under with him and immediately fell asleep. And Zayn’s glad that Niall isn’t dwelling on the fact he heard his Uncle scream loudly as Zayn rushed him out of the apartment. 

When Zayn hears Harry’s keys in the door he flies off the couch and runs towards the door. Harry enters looking tired as he drops a jacket, his suitcase, and keys down on the table beside the door. He looks startled when he sees Zayn standing in the foyer. 

“Oh hello,” Harry greets with a smile as he steps forward to drop a kiss to Zayn’s lips. “What are you doing here? Where’s Niall?” Harry looks around as he toes off his shoes. 

“He’s upstairs taking a nap. Have you talked to Liam?”

“He didn’t come into work today, why?”

“That fucking coward. He—I can’t believe him. What was his excuse?”

Harry looks hesitant before he says, “he said that he didn’t feel like coming in today. I didn’t talk to him about it. Nick told me during lunch. Why? What’s going on?”

“He broke up with Louis,” Zayn shouts. “He broke up with Louis and he’s been trying to take his stuff out of their apartment because he wanted to just disappear or something. Then he tells Louis this load of bullshit about not wanting to hurt him, but how could Louis not be hurt when the person he loves most is leaving him. He couldn’t get over the fact that Louis didn’t want children or marriage because he was happy with just Liam.”

“Maybe there was something else going on,” Harry reasons. 

Zayn eyes him and realizes that Harry isn’t making eye contact and that his left leg is shaking as he twiddles with his thumbs. “What do you know?”

“Nothing,” Harry says. “It just doesn’t sound like Liam is all. It would be a nice excuse if it was someone else but not Liam. Come on you know Liam. Does this sound like him?”

“The Liam I knew wouldn’t break Louis’ heart. I don’t know who this…idiot is.”

“Zee, come on. You know who Liam is and how he freaks out and does dumb shit but he’s not a complete and total jack ass.”

“Why are you defending him? Shouldn’t you be going off about what an asshole he is for planning a break up while he’s been hanging around us like everything was completely perfect? How can you just stand there and act like this is okay.”

Harry shrugs his shoulders and fumbles around with words as he tries to explain himself. It hits Zayn in that exact moment that the only people blindsided by this were he and Louis. “You knew,” Zayn whispers. “Didn’t you?”

“I didn’t. He didn’t tell me those exact words or anything but he mentioned last night when I told him what you said that he was going to do something big. He didn’t sound happy about it so I assumed but he wouldn’t talk to me anymore about it.”

“You knew?” Zayn practically shouts. “You knew and you didn’t tell me so I could find a way to warn Louis?”

“Baba?”

Zayn shoves past Harry and stomps up the stairs towards the sound of Niall’s voice. Niall is standing at the top of the stairs with his hair ruffled as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes. 

Zayn grabs him and carries him down the stairs. He looks at Harry who standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking shy and embarrassed. 

“I think we’re going to head home. I wasn’t aware we were going to be keeping secrets from each other and I don’t feel like being around you right now. Not when I’m angry. Not when I could say things I’m going to regret.”

He doesn’t wait for Harry to answer before he slips out of the front door with Niall in his arms who is waving from behind his head. Zayn turns back around and immediately enters Harry’s house again. “I don’t feel like getting a cab so we’re going to need you to drive us.”

Harry nods his head and puts his shoes back on, grabs his keys, and follows Zayn out the door.

~~~

The car ride is silent apart of the occasional moments of Niall asking random questions about things he sees passing through the window. They get to Zayn’s apartment and Harry puts the car in park so Zayn can get Niall out. Zayn tries not to slam the door as he steps out of his side of the car. He yanks open Niall’s door and carefully unbuckles his son from the seat. He grabs the bag that he threw in the backseat earlier and tosses it over his shoulder before he closes the door again. 

He walks around the car and waits for Harry to roll down his window so he can say goodbye to Niall.

Zayn holds Niall as he leans into the window so he can give Harry a kiss. “Bye Daddy,” Niall says as he pulls himself out the window. Harry nods his head and Zayn sees that he’s struggling to get words out but he manages a small wave. Zayn sighs and leans down and presses a kiss to Harry’s cheek. Harry turns his head and offers Zayn a sad smile. 

“Don’t look like a beaten up puppy,” Zayn says. “I just need time. Still love you.”

Harry nods again and this time when he smiles it reaches his eyes and it’s genuine.


	5. Chapter 5

Zayn checks his phone for the seventh time to see if Louis has replied to any of his messages. He had given up on phone calls when most went ignored but a few were answered with Louis shouting ‘fuck off’ into the receiver before hanging up. He feels desperate to get something, anything, out of Louis. He needs to know if his best friend is okay, but Louis is still angry with him. The last time Louis’ was angry with him was during high school and it lasted for eight months. He hopes and prays that Louis has learned how to forgive sooner than he used to.

He drops the phone down on the counter and looks up to see Harry staring at him from across the kitchen. He’s sitting at the table with Niall next to him as Niall walks him through the pages of his sketchbook. 

It’s been three days and Zayn is still angry with Harry. His initial anger over Harry keeping something from him, something important is gone, and is now replaced with the fact that Louis’ blames Zayn. It wasn’t Zayn that had been withholding important information so it shouldn’t be him getting told to fuck off every two hours. 

“What?” Zayn asks when Harry doesn’t look away. “Why do you keep looking at me?”

Harry shakes his head. “Is Louis still not answering?”

“Obviously not since I’m talking to you.”

“Zayn’s don't be like that.”

Zayn rolls his eyes and disappears into the laundry room to pull clothes out of the dryer. They’ve been sitting there since this morning but he feels the sudden urge to do something with his body so can get away from Harry. When he comes back out he has the basket in his arms, balancing on his hip, and he sees Harry is still staring at him. 

“Oh my god,” Zayn says. “I’ll tell you when Louis answers me.”

“I’m not worried about if Louis calls you back or not. I’m worried about if you’re ever going to stop being angry with me over nothing or if you’re going to continue being angry, if you’re ever going to actually use your words instead of glaring and stomping around like a brat,” Harry replies. 

Zayn’s eyes widen at Harry’s words, his readjusts the basket in his arms and says, “have you lost your mind? I’m acting like brat? You’re coming over here when you know that I’m angry and no one asked you to be here. If you’re not happy with my behavior then you can leave.”

“No,” Niall shouts as he slides out of the kitchen chair. He stomps past Zayn and Zayn watches as his son storms down the hallway before turning into his bedroom with an angry huff. 

Zayn lets out a deep sigh and leans against the wall, the laundry basket pressed against his stomach. 

“Okay we can’t do this anymore,” Harry says. 

Zayn stops and turns around so he can look at Harry properly. “Do what anymore, Harry?”

“We can’t keep acting like you’re not mad at me. It’s not…it’s not good for our relationship but it’s also not good for Niall. He knows you’re angry and he can tell there is tension between us, between you and Louis, and it’s not good for him. So either tell me to go home or talk to me about what’s going on,” Harry pleads. 

Zayn sets down the basket of laundry and joins Harry at the kitchen table where Niall was just sitting. As he’s pulling out the chair Harry says, as an afterthought, “and maybe go with the second option because I don’t want to go home.”

“I’m angry,” Zayn says. “But you’re right about Niall and I don’t want to make things harder for anyone else because they’re hard enough for Louis.”

“Good,” Harry agrees with a nod. “So why don’t you ask me what you’ve been dying to ask me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You want to know why I didn’t mention what Liam had told me, I can see it every time you look at me. You feel betrayed, right?” Zayn casts his eyes down and nods his head slowly. “I didn’t think that Liam would break up with Louis, ever,” Harry says. “They’re so in love with each other and Liam just seemed like he was nervous and like he was just fidgety and stuff. He kept saying he had to do it, and it was the right thing to do. I didn’t think anything really but I never once thought it was bad. I tried to ask but he said it’s best that I didn’t know.”

“So why didn’t you just tell me what he said? Why would you hide it?”

“I wasn’t trying to hide anything. He mentioned how he and Louis’ were going through problems. He mentioned a few times in this apartment when Louis was playing with Niall that Louis would never love or want another child like he does Niall, and I just thought it was an offhanded comment. Louis always says he only needs Niall.”

“Louis doesn’t want kids, never has,” Zayn says. “He was thrilled when Niall was born and he’s always been amazing with Niall, but he doesn’t want his own. His father left and he rarely saw him when we were kids and he just doesn’t want to fuck up like his dad did.”

“And Liam knew that, but Liam…he’s a good guy and he wouldn’t ever hurt Louis if it wasn’t something important to him. I didn’t think it would be bad so I didn’t think to tell you. I thought Louis has been spilling every detail about their arguments to you so I thought you probably knew.”

“No,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “Louis’ is oddly private when it comes to Liam.”

“I thought that was just because I was around,” Harry admits. “I kept thinking that maybe you two would sit around at lunch and talk about me and Liam or something.” Harry shrugs his shoulders and blushes under Zayn’s gaze. 

“You think we have girl talk and that we gush and gossip about the two of you?”

“Yes,” Harry admits. 

Zayn can’t help but let out a hearty laugh at Harry’s confession. He puts a hand over his heart and grabs Harry’s hand with the other when the other boys face contorts in embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be laughing. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry you thought that I was withholding things from you. I don’t want you to be angry with me any longer because it’s really hard to deal with because when you’re not making snarky comments, you’re glaring at me and I don’t even think you know you do it.”

Zayn smiles. “I learned all of it from Louis.”

“I know,” Harry says staring down at Zayn’s hand in his own. 

Zayn follows his gaze and shifts up off his chair so he can lean across the table and pull Harry into a kiss. He brings the hand Harry isn’t holding up to Harry’s cheek, cupping his jaw and dragging his thumb across the skin. He pulls away slightly, ready to speak, but Harry beats him to words. 

“We’re good again?” Harry asks against Zayn’s lips. 

“Always were,” Zayn confirms as he pulls away and sits back down in his chair.

“Can you, um, maybe, tell me?” Harry asks with a hopeful look in his eyes. 

Zayn laughs and leans forward to press another kiss on Harry’s lips. He pulls away, only far enough so their mouths separate but their foreheads stay connected. “I love you,” Zayn assures him.

~~~ 

Zayn wraps himself around Harry that night and tries not to think about how long it’s been they spent the night together, just lying in bed and cuddled up to each other. Zayn tries not to kick himself because he could have been enjoying this last night too if his anger didn’t get the best of him. It was the first night all week that Harry wasn’t working late and Zayn ruined it by being angry. 

He tries not to dwell on the fact that sometimes he’s stupid but luckily he found someone that cares and loves him enough to put up with the dynamic of his friendship with Louis’ and how sometimes those dynamics seep into his relationship with Harry. 

He stops thinking about Harry and starts thinking about Louis and what happened with Liam. He hopes that Louis’ won’t be angry with him for much longer because he doesn’t know how to be with him. He knows Louis is the same way but he also knows Louis doesn’t know how to be without Liam. He had thought Liam would be same way and that Liam would never leave Louis or leave him behind but he did. Zayn isn’t angry with him about why he left but he’s angry because Liam spent so long making Louis think they were just hitting a bump in the road and that they’d make it through. He’s angry because Liam had everyone thinking for months that things were just rocky for no reason other than them going through some kind of relationship shift that comes with time. 

“What are you thinking about?” Harry asks, interrupting Zayn’s thoughts. He’s nudging his nose against Zayn’s cheek. 

“Liam,” Zayn admits as he shifts around to look up at Harry. 

“Thinking about another man while in bed with me,” Harry jokes as he hugs Zayn tighter to his body. 

“You know that’s not what I’m thinking about.”

“I know,” Harry says with a nod. “I wasn’t…I wasn’t implying anything.”

“Harry do you want—um—like do you want children?” Zayn asks.

Zayn looks up at Harry and sees him thinking for a moment, tracing patterns along the back of Zayn’s arm, before looking down at Zayn. “Is yes the wrong answer?”

Zayn shakes his head. “It’s not a trick question. I just want to know do you want children?”

“Of course I do,” Harry admits. “I’ve always wanted children and a family.”

Zayn shrugs out of Harry’s grasp and pulls his body up so he’s sitting and looking down at Harry. “Do you want them enough that you’d leave? Because I don't know if I want anything more than just Niall, and I don’t want you to stick around only to leave like Liam did just because I don’t want anything more than Niall.”

Harry shakes his head and reaches out, pressing his thumb into Zayn’s wrist as he strokes the skin. “Zayn, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“No. I need you to say it,” Zayn says desperately. “I just…I don’t want to be surprised one day by you dropping off the key to apartment along with the things we keep at your house or changing the locks on your doors without a word. I don’t…I can’t have that happen.”

Harry smiles up at him sadly, his expression soft as he listens to Zayn plead with him. “I love you,” Harry says. “And I love Niall. If I wanted anymore more than that then I wouldn't be here. I wouldn’t string you along, especially with a child in the mix. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“You promise that you won’t leave? That’s my son with someone else, and I…you’ll stay, right?”

“Zayn,” Harry says with a light laugh. “I’m Daddy now so as far as I’m concerned Niall doesn’t belong to anyone that isn’t you and I, most especially you, but like I’m Daddy, and it’s enough for me that it’s only Niall saying it.”

“Good,” Zayn admits as he drops back down next to Harry, throwing a leg over Harry and tucking it between Harry’s legs. He throws an arm over Harry’s waist and rests his head above the place where Harry’s heart in beating in his chest, a reminder of what belongs to Zayn buried deep under skin and tissue and bones. Zayn listens to it beat for a moment, trying to steady the pounding of his own heart, the one he gave away to Harry, after listening to Harry’s words. “I only need Niall, and you.”

Harry wraps his arm around Zayn’s body and presses a kiss to the top of Zayn’s head.  
~~~ 

Zayn crawls out of bed when he hears the sound of someone knocking on his door incessantly. He trips of Harry’s clothes that are thrown carelessly on the floor and makes his way down the hallway towards his front door. He drags his hand along the wall to steady his walking, a task proven difficult at three in the morning when he’s still half asleep. 

He prays that Niall won’t wake up because it’ll be hours before he’s able to get his son back to sleep if the person behind the door doesn’t stop knocking. He grabs the doorknob, fiddling with the lock, before he swings it open and sees Louis standing behind it, his fist raised in the air and urgent, wild eyes staring up at him. 

“Louis,” Zayn breathes out as he pulls the door open wider. He reaches out and pulls his best friend in by his shirt and swings the door shut. He locks it and pushes Louis down onto the couch. “Louis, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

“No,” Louis says, shaking his head and frowning up at Zayn with tears in his eyes. 

“Liam’s not—my apartment is too quiet and I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in days. I’m so sorry for being angry with you, please don’t make me leave.” 

“No,” Zayn says as he pulls Louis into a hug. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Is Harry here?” Louis asks against Zayn’s neck. “Stupid question since his car is parked out front.”

“He’s here,” Zayn confirms. “He’s sleeping. I’m surprised you didn’t wake him up. Come on; let’s go to bed. You can squeeze in with Harry and I.”

Louis shakes his head. “I can sleep on the couch.”

Zayn stands up and pulls Louis with him, who doesn't put up a fight but allows himself to be dragged down the hallway before he’s being pushed into Zayn’s bed. He kicks off his shoes and crawls up next to Harry. Harry stirs and blinks up at Louis. He looks confused for a moment, looking around for Zayn; he sees him and nods his head before dropping back down and going to sleep. 

Zayn crawls into bed behind Louis, pulling the blanket up tight around them. He tosses an arm around Louis and lets his friend curl around him. He wills himself to sleep and to pretend that he can’t hear the quiet sniffles coming from Louis.


	6. Chapter 6

The days pass by in a slow blur for the next week as Louis stays with Zayn and Niall. He spends his time wrapped in a blanket, sitting on the couch, staring at the wall opposite until Zayn pulls him into a position to go to sleep every night. He doesn’t cry anymore but the first three nights Zayn could hear him at all hours of the day, the shaking sobs and loud hiccups that Louis didn’t even bother to hide but Zayn still gave him the privacy of being able to cry in peace. He’d spend all day in Zayn’s bed, crying in between him and Harry at night, until on the fourth day Zayn woke up to find Louis sitting on the couch, unmoving and looking at nothing. 

It was unnerving at first but after a week Zayn has grown accustomed to walking around Louis like he’s not there. He’s worried about his friend but not nearly as much as he is about his son. Niall is walking around in a constant state of confusion and worry. Zayn tries his best to keep Niall busy and away from Louis but Niall always seems to find Louis. 

Niall seems to be always sitting on the table across from Louis and staring up at him with a frown on his face as he tries to figure out what is going on. He constantly questions Harry and Zayn about it but neither of them have answers for him. Currently he’s leaning on the arm of the couch, staring up at Louis while Zayn watches from the doorway. 

“Niall, come on let’s leave Uncle Louis alone.”

“Baba, he okay?” Niall asks. 

Zayn bends down and picks up his son he can carry him out of the living room and away from his sulking best friend. 

“Baba, what wrong Uncle Lou?”

Zayn sighs and sets Niall down on the kitchen counter. “Uncle Louis is having a rough time right now. He has a lot going on and so he’s not as happy as he usually is,” Zayn explains as he reaches up to run his fingers through Niall’s hair. 

“He sad,” Niall says with a frown. 

“Yeah he’s a little bit sad, but he’ll be okay. You know how sometimes you wake up and you’re really sad because Baba isn’t there with you? Or how sometimes you cry when I drop you off at daycare because you’re sad you can’t come to work with me?” It’s not the best explanation but Niall doesn’t understand what it means to be in a relationship and then to have your heartbroken by someone else. Niall’s ideas of heartbreak revolve around Zayn and no one else. 

“Yeah,” Niall says, staring up at Zayn. 

“Uncle Lou feels like that right now. He’s just sad, but you always get over your sadness right?” Niall nods. “Well Uncle Lou just needs a little bit of time to find something that makes him happy.”

Niall nods his head in understanding, turning towards the entrance towards the living room where they left Louis. He nods his head and smiles up at Zayn when he turns back around. “Down,” Niall commands. 

Zayn helps slide him off the counter and as soon as Niall’s feet hit the floor he’s running off towards his bedroom. Zayn takes careful steps to follow him but stops when he sees Niall running back towards him. He bypasses Zayn and runs into the living room. Zayn notices he’s carrying all of his stuffed animals (Bear, Lion and Monkey). He watches as Niall rounds the furniture and stands in front of Louis. He looks at him for a moment before he lifts up his Uncle’s arm and slides the bear under it. He lifts up the other arm and slides the lion under it before crawling on the couch and snuggling up to Louis’ side with monkey. 

“Bear, Lion happy,” Niall explains as he rests his head on Louis’ arm, looking at the television that Zayn turned on in the vain hope it would give Louis something to distract him from his thoughts. 

Zayn leans against the door and wants to weep at the sight of his son trying to be helpful and kind. His eyes well up with tears at how wonderful Niall is of a person at the age of two, he’s better than anyone Zayn has ever met. 

Zayn watches the two for a moment longer and doesn’t miss the way Louis’ breathing falters as his mouth itches up into a tiny smile for the briefest of seconds. 

~~~ 

Harry brings food when he gets off work. It’s just pizza because Zayn doesn’t care enough to cook and Harry worked too late to actually have time to prepare a meal that would be finished before Niall’s bed time. 

They’re preparing plates when Zayn questions him about Liam. 

“Did he show up at work today?” Zayn asks. 

“Nope,” Harry replies, knowing instantly whom Zayn is asking about because it’s the same question everyday. Questions really. 

Zayn rolls his eyes and takes the plate designated for Niall so he can begin cutting the slice into bite sized pieces. “He’s been gone for a week, where the hell could he go? Has anyone spoken to him at work?”

“He calls when he knows I’m not there,” Harry explains. “He talks to our boss and to Nick but not me. I think he’s a bit afraid of me if I’m being honest but our boss said he’s going to talk to Liam because Taylor is getting out of hand and I just can’t—Zayn I cannot keep working on her album alone. I know you hate Liam but this is my job and if he comes back you cannot get angry at me for having to interact with him. I won’t go out and buy him coffee but I cannot ignore him not at work.”

“I didn’t even say anything. Who is Taylor?” Zayn asks, stealing one of Niall’s little slices of pizza.

“Taylor is that girl whose album I’ve been helping produce for weeks now. I’ve told you about her before.”

Zayn belated realizes that he does in fact remember Harry breaking down and calling him one day during his lunch break and complaining about the girl. Apparently she’s a bit whiny and difficult work with. Harry has complained about her on several occasions, because of how demanding she is in the studio, when he stumbles into Zayn’s apartment throws himself on top of Zayn. “Oh I remember now.”

“How could you forget?”

“I didn’t forget. You don’t let me forget, babe,” Zayn says with a wink. “But I can’t get mad at you for doing your job but just… I don’t want to make you do anything or demand things but please don’t talk to him about Louis. I don’t care what else you talk to him about, I don’t care if you take him to dinner, but please don’t mention Louis to him.”

“I won’t,” Harry says, holding his hands up in the air. 

“And tell me the minute he steps foot in that office.”

“Why?”

“Why? He thinks he can break my best friends heart and not explain himself? I don’t think so.”

“Are you going to embarrass me at work?” Harry asks with a smile. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it now go give this plate to Niall so we can get him fed and in the bath.”

~~~ 

“Can I ask you something?”  
“Sure,” Zayn says, trying to finish the paragraph in his book so he can pay attention to Harry. 

“How long is he going to stay here?” Harry asks. 

“What do you mean?” Zayn replies, rolling over so he can look at his boyfriend. 

Harry shrugs, biting his lip, looking at Zayn. “I just…it’s been a week, and do you really think it’s for the best that he sleeps on your couch all day? I think Niall is starting to get worried. When I was giving him his bath, he kept asking me why Louis was sad.”

“I don’t care how long it’s been, I’m not going to kick him out,” Zayn says in outrage. 

“I’m not saying to kick him out, but Niall feeds off people’s emotions and he’s getting upset about this entire thing,” Harry says. 

Zayn sits up and stares down at Harry in anger. “Harry I know my son, and I know what’s going on with him right now and I don’t need you to tell me what I’m doing wrong.”

Harry holds up his hands in surrender. “I wasn’t saying you don’t know your son and I wasn’t telling you what to do with him or that you’re doing anything wrong. Calm down, all right? Everyone is walking on eggshells with Louis being upset and you’re getting snappish over nothing.”

“I’m not—“ Zayn starts but then cuts off with a deep sigh because Harry is right. He has been acting out due to the stress of trying to make sure that Louis is okay and to make sure that Niall doesn’t get too wrapped up in the fact Louis is upset. “Sorry,” Zayn says defeated. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Harry says, reaching up and stroking Zayn’s arm. “You care about him, and he needs someone, but I was just trying to say I don’t want Niall to be upset. He was pretty angry at us for that little fight we had last week and I don’t want to make him angry again.”

“He just wants everyone to be happy. He doesn’t understand. I talked to him earlier. I said it was like when we leave him at daycare and he doesn’t want to go.”

Harry lets out a light laugh and tugs Zayn back down so he’s lying next to him. “He’s just like you,” Harry says as he pulls Zayn closer. “He doesn’t like to see the people he cares about upset. I think it’s in the Malik blood to care about Louis in a fiercely unconditional way.”

“We love you, too,” Zayn says, looking Harry straight in the eyes so he knows. 

Harry smiles softy. “Yeah but I’m not the one laying on your couch, sinking into a depression.”

“I don’t know what to do with him,” Zayn whines. 

“Well I was thinking, he doesn’t want to go home and he doesn’t want to be alone so maybe he could come and stay at my house? That way Niall isn’t getting upset or freaked out about anything but Louis is still with someone else and he’s out of that environment,” Harry suggests and it makes sense to put Louis in a place where he can figure himself out and move on in a way that is deemed appropriate and maybe he needs to be alone and away from Niall constantly crawling on his lap or Zayn trying to mother him into eating, going to the bathroom, and taking a shower. 

“We’ll ask him about it in the morning,” Zayn says, snuggling deeper into Harry’s side. 

~~~ 

Zayn wakes up when it’s still dark out to the sound of a loud thud. He startles awake and tries sitting up but it’s hard with Harry’s arm wrapped around his body. Harry stirs, frowning in his sleep, eyebrows burrowing together as he tries to tug Zayn closer. Zayn shakes his head and pries himself out of Harry’s arms—Harry huffs and rolls over, pulling the pillow against his chest as he wraps his arms around it, never waking up—so he can crawl out of bed and see what the noise was. He doesn’t hear Niall crying so he knows that his son hasn’t rolled out of bed. 

He makes his way out of his bedroom and sleepily walks towards the living room to check on Louis. He peeks in the doorway and sees the couch is empty and the blankets are gone. He looks around in confusion, walking back and pressing his ear against the bathroom door, hearing nothing. He walks further down and sees Niall’s bedroom door left open slightly. He gently pushes it open further and sees Louis trying to get comfortable in Niall’s bed, he’s rolling around, tugging the blankets up to his chest as he cuddles up to Niall. 

Zayn sees Niall moving his head around and looking down at Louis. “Uncle Lou?”

“Yeah, it’s me bub. Is it okay if I sleep in here? I brought Lion and Bear with me,” Louis says, pulling the stuffed animals out from under the blankets. “They missed you and wanted to sleep with you.”

“Okay,” Niall says in agreement, settling back into bed and taking the stuffed animals from his Uncle. Zayn smiles in the doorway at the exchange while Niall shifts closer to Louis. “You sad?” Niall asks. 

“I’m okay, buddy. Don’t worry about me. Just go back to sleep, okay? In the morning we’ll play and do something fun since I’ve been a bad Uncle this week.”

Zayn steps back, leaving the two alone so he can go back into his own bedroom to Harry. 

~~~ 

In the morning Zayn wakes up to Louis and Niall jumping on his bed, effectively waking Harry as well. Niall giggles madly when Harry jerks awake and snatches him in his arms so he can tickle him. Niall wiggles around, kicking his feet in the air, shouting “Daddy stop.”

“Where’s breakfast?” Harry asks, brushing the curls out of his face. 

“You make,” Niall says. 

“He’s right. We woke you up because we’re hungry,” Louis adds. 

“Come on,” Harry says, getting out of bed. He bends over so he can find his shirt off the floor, pulling it over his head and holding his arms out so Niall can jump from the bed to his arms. “Ni and I are going to make breakfast.” 

Zayn watches them leave before he begins to get out of bed. He stands up and stretches and sees Louis waiting for him near the doorway. He makes his way across the room towards his best friend and smiles softly at him. Louis hesitates with smiling back but manages to give a small one in return before turning his back on Zayn to head out of the room. 

“Hey, you okay?” Zayn asks, reaching out to grab onto Louis’ arm before he can leave the room. 

“No,” Louis admits. “But I’ll be all right. I’m sorry for moping around this past week. It’s just…hard.”

Zayn pulls Louis into a hug and holds his best friend tightly. “Don’t ever be sorry, okay?”

“Yeah all right,” Louis mumbles into Zayn’s neck. “I, um, heard you and Harry talking last night about where I should stay. I think I should go to Harry’s. I don’t want to go home but I don’t want to freak Niall out if I get all mopey again. Plus he spends most of his time here or at work so I’d have time alone. I just need to figure myself out.” 

“You’ll be okay, ya know?” Zayn says, giving Louis one more squeeze before following the sounds of his boyfriend and son in the other room.


	7. Chapter 7

“How is it living with Harry?” Zayn asks, propping his chin up on his hands as he looks at Louis through the hole in the wall. 

Louis shrugs; barely looking up from the sandwich he’s making a customer. “He’s rarely home. He’s always at your place.” 

“That’s not true. He slept at home two nights this week, and he was home all day last Saturday.”

“Point,” Louis says, turning around and working on the order of fries for the sandwich. “It’s fine. His house is really clean. It’s different than what I’m used to. Like, he actually does his laundry and he cooks breakfast every morning, when he’s home at least, and his cabinets are filled with food.”

“So it’s a normal house?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “It’s not normal for a single male to be living in cleanliness and to have food. He should have beers and take out boxes.” 

“He’s not single,” Zayn protests. 

“I mean single as in he’s not married. We’re all single men, some in more ways than others,” Louis says, putting the finishing touches on the sandwich. “Is he staying at your place tonight?” 

“Probably since he has the day off tomorrow. He slept at home last night so I’m sure he’ll want to sleep at my place tonight. He’s getting to only be able to spend one or two nights a week at his place. If he spends more nights there he gets a bit clingy.” 

“I see…so when are you two going to just officially move in together?” Louis asks. “Once I leave he has an extra bedroom for another kid.” 

“I don’t want another child. I’m okay just Niall. But I don’t have plans of leaving my apartment any time soon.”

“Yeah? Why?” 

“Niall’s lived there his whole life, leaving would be—leaving would be hard. I think I need a good reason and to wait for the right time.”

“Isn’t Harry a good enough reason?”

“He’s the greatest reason,” Zayn says. “It’s just not the right time in our relationship and I want to make sure the timing is—“ Zayn’s cut off by the sound of his phone ringing in his pocket. 

“Fuck, it’s Niall’s daycare,” Zayn curses, remembering the last time he got a phone call from them at work when Niall had hit his head and gotten hurt only to go home and suffer from a seizure. He feels a bit panicked as he brushes his thumb across the screen to accept the call. “Hello?”

“Mr. Malik? It’s Susan from the day care.”

“Yeah, yeah. Is something wrong? Is Niall okay?”

“He’s fine. I’m calling because well we close in five minutes and Niall’s still here.”

“What do you mean Niall’s still at daycare? Harry was supposed to pick him up,” Zayn says into the phone, looking up to stare at Louis whose quirking an eyebrow in interest. 

“Mr. Styles hasn’t showed up today and Niall said he was the one picking him up but he’s not answering his phone. I’ll stay with Niall as long as it takes for someone to get here, but

“I’m so sorry. I have no idea what happened to Harry. I’ll be there in just a few minutes,” Zayn says before hanging up the phone. 

“Harry forgot to pick up Niall after work so I have to leave,” Zayn says, shrugging out of his apron. “I can’t believe him.”

“Call me and let me know what happens,” Louis shouts to Zayn’s back as he makes his way out of the diner. 

~~~ 

“Baba, Niall daycare alone.”

“I know. I don’t know where Daddy is,” Zayn says attempting to put another call through to Harry. Since leaving the diner he’s called eighteen times and all of them have rung twice before going to voicemail. 

“Daddy work,” Niall says reasonably. “Baba work, Niall color.” 

“Is that what you did waiting for me? Did you color?”

“Not done.”

“Will it be finished tomorrow? I can’t wait to see it.”

Niall shrugs his shoulders, dropping his head down onto Zayn’s chest as he carries him home. 

~~~ 

Zayn unlocks his front door, balancing Niall on his hip, attempting to listen intently to Niall’s story that he’s telling him about what happened at daycare before he was left alone. He enters his apartment, dropping the keys down, kicking the door closed behind him and placing Niall on the floor. 

“Daddy?” Niall says. 

Zayn follows Niall’s gaze and sees Harry fast asleep on the couch. He’s lying on his side; he’s got his legs curled up so his feet are pressed in between the top of the bottom cushion and the bottom of the top, in his arms, clutched tightly to his chest, is Niall’s stuffed bear. Harry has his arms crossed over it so it’s pressed tightly against him. 

It’s one of the most endearing things Zayn has ever witnessed, even if he is still angry at Harry for coming to his apartment for a nap apparently only to forget about Niall, but Niall is at Zayn’s legs letting out a huff of annoyance to show he’s not as thrilled with the sight. 

“Mine,” Niall says, making his way over towards the couch. Zayn bends down and snatches his son up before he can make it to Harry and carries him out of the room. “Baba, Bear mine.”

“I know, sweetheart, but Daddy is sleeping and don’t you think he should the chance to take a nap? Apparently he’s very tired today.”

Zayn sets Niall down on the counter, and Niall looks up at him with a scowl on his little face. “Bear mine.”

“I know it is, and Daddy knows it is too.”

“Daddy take. It Niall bear,” Niall says, accompanied with quiet little sniffles. He takes a deep shuddering breath and stares up at Zayn sadly. “Mine.”

“Aw, sweetheart,” Zayn says, reaching up to stroke his fingers along Niall’s cheek. “Daddy knows that it’s your bear, but maybe he missed you while you were at daycare and he wanted to cuddle something that reminded him of you. Maybe even Bear missed you so Daddy decided to cuddle him.”

“Miss Niall?”

“Yeah what do you think about going and lying with them. Maybe you need a nap. Did you nap at daycare?”

“I nap,” Niall claims but the subtle pout on his lips leaves Zayn to think even if he did he could use another one or just one in general because occasionally Niall’s idea of naps at daycare means lying on his cot and staring up at the ceiling or whispering to the child next to him instead of sleeping, according to his daycare teacher.

Zayn lifts Niall off the counter and carries him back into the living room so he can lie him down next to Harry. Harry has shifted onto his back, the bear now lying on top of his chest and one arm draped loosely over the cushion instead of clutching the bear. “Take a nap with Daddy, okay? And Bear.” Zayn leans forward and gently places Niall on the couch. Harry immediately, and subconsciously, wraps the arm not around the bear around Niall. 

Niall looks thoughtful for a moment before reaching over and tugging the bear out of Harry’s grasp and into his own. 

~~~

They manage to make it throughout most of the evening without mention of Harry forgetting to pick up Niall. Not because Zayn wants it forgotten or swept under the rug but he wants to see if Harry remembers what he had done.

So far, he hasn’t. 

He had woken up, offering slow blinks and a sleepy smile to Zayn as he crawled off the couch, making sure that Niall wasn’t disturbed and joined Zayn on the chair, crawling into his lap and making himself comfortable. 

They made it through dinner without a word about it, Niall managing to keep the conversation alive with ramblings about daycare, the dream he had when napping, and what he plans to do with his toys later. 

It’s now though that Zayn is doing the dishes and Niall’s in his room playing that Harry realizes something might be wrong. 

“You’re angry,” Harry says, sliding into the place between Zayn and the counter. “Why are you angry?”

“I’m not angry,” Zayn says in reply. Harry raises an eyebrow at him so he adds, “all right. I’m a little angry.” 

“Why?” Harry asks. 

“You took a nap instead of picking Niall up.”

“Huh?”

“You came here for a nap but you forgot to pick up Niall from daycare. Susan called when they were closing and said Niall was still there so I had to leave work early to pick him up and when we got here you were asleep on the couch with your phone off,” Zayn says, letting out a deep breath. 

“No, no, no, no, no,” Harry chants. 

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,” Zayn says in return. “Couldn’t you have set an alarm?”

“I did!” Harry protests, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He taps the button several times only to find that it won’t turn on. “Fuck, it died.”

“Harry, he can’t be forgotten. If you can’t pick him up then tell me.”

“I didn’t forget. I came here because it’s closer to the daycare. I was tired. I took a nap. I didn’t forget. I swear. I honestly had every intention of getting up. I set my alarm for half an hour before close so I would be there before anything closed. I didn’t expect to sleep that long.”

“How long were you asleep?” Zayn asks. 

“Um...well, about four and a half hours,” Harry admits with a reluctant smile. 

“Four and a half hours? That’s not a nap that’s a bad night’s sleep.”

“I was so tired.” 

“Why?”

“Louis cries at night,” Harry confesses. “He cries and it’s hard for me to sleep. I don’t think he wants me to comfort him or for anyone to know because he does it after I’ve gone to be, when he thinks I’m sleeping.”

“You didn’t tell me he cried. Why didn’t you tell me he cried?” Zayn asks, worried about his best friend. Louis had claimed that he was doing okay. He told Zayn that he was working through it but he would be okay without Liam. Zayn knew he wasn’t telling the full truth but he didn’t think Louis spent his nights in Harry’s guest bedroom crying over the break up. 

“I didn’t want to worry you. He’s trying to get over Liam or to just work through his feelings on the break up, but I didn’t want you to constantly worry about him more than you already do. He just needs some time to himself,” Harry explains. 

“Maybe,” Zayn says, not wanting to admit that Harry is probably right, at least not after he forgot about Niall. 

“I’m right,” Harry says with a smile. “I’m also really sorry about the daycare incident. I swear I would never forget about Niall or any obligations I have to him.”

“I know, and it’s a big deal but it’s not a huge deal. Luckily Susan loves Niall so I think, despite being annoyed she had to stay late, she was glad that she got some one on one time with him without ten other kids running around.”

“Everyone loves Niall,” Harry says. 

“They always have.”

“If I take you and Niall out for ice cream will that help give me back my good name as Daddy?”

“Only if you pay,” Zayn says with a smile.

~~~ 

“Baba, chocolate,” Niall says pointing down towards his bowl with a smile. His cheeks are coated in melted ice cream along with his sticky fingers from when he had shoved his fingers in the bowl. 

“He really should be eating vanilla,” Zayn says, watching as Harry puts another spoonful of ice cream in Niall’s mouth. 

“He wanted chocolate,” Harry says, keeping his gaze on Niall as he puts the spoon in Niall’s mouth. “Niall, do you like chocolate?” 

“Like chocolate,” Niall says obediently. “Like Baba, like Daddy, like chocolate.” 

“See,” Harry says with a grin. “He loves chocolate ice cream as much as he loves us.”

“More,” Niall demands, opening his mouth and pointing inside. 

“Niall say please,” Zayn corrects as he takes a bite of his own ice cream. 

“More please,” Niall cheers as he happily accepts the ice cream that Harry is offering. 

Zayn watches Harry feed Niall while he finishes the remainder of his dessert. He watches the way they interact together, Harry tickling Niall’s belly when he’s not eating, Niall swirling his fingers around in the bowl when he thinks no one is watching, and Harry sneaking his own bites when Niall is looking away. 

“What are you thinking about?” Harry asks, pulling the spoon out of his mouth. 

“Not about you,” Zayn says, teasingly and with a wink. 

“Well I hope it’s only good things about me.”


	8. Chapter 8

“What are you doing awake?” Harry whispers. 

Zayn stretches his arms in the air, careful to not move Niall whose still sleeping on the bed. “Go and make coffee,” he mumbles, rubbing at his eyes. 

Harry sighs, nodding his head, and turning to leave the room. Zayn watches him go and carefully pulls himself off the bed. He turns back around and wraps the blankets around Niall before following Harry. He can hear the coffee pot gurgling and the smell makes his stomach ache in hunger from having not eaten or drunk anything for hours. 

“You didn’t have to wake up so early,” Harry says, turning around and letting Zayn collapse into his chest. 

“I did,” Zayn says, burrowing his face into Harry’s neck while he listens to Harry pour them coffee into the mugs set out on the counter. 

Harry passes Zayn his own cup of coffee, forcing Zayn to take a step away from his boyfriend. 

“I have to go home and get ready for work,” Harry says. “I forgot to bring clean clothes here.” 

“I know you do, and we can take Niall there and drop him off with Louis for the day. I’m sure Louis won’t mind,” Zayn says, taking a careful sip of the coffee that Harry made him. 

“Why is Niall staying with Louis for the day? I thought you didn’t have to work so you wanted to spend the day with him?”

“I don’t have work, and I will spend the day with him, but first I’m going to work with you for the day.” 

“Oh? And why are you coming to work with me?” Harry asks, setting his cup down and looking confused. 

“You said Liam is coming back, and he’s disappeared so I don’t know where else to find him so obviously that means I have to go to your work and talk to him there.”

“Zayn, babe, you cannot come to my work and cause a scene. I’d love for you to come there and spend the day with me, but you can’t cause a scene.”

“Whoever said I was going to cause a scene?” Zayn asks, looking offended. “You need to trust me more. I just want to talk to Liam, and he won’t let me do it anywhere else so I’m going to your work either with you or I’m going to surprise you a few hours in when I just show up.” 

Harry sighs, taking a deep breath. “You’re really not going to take no for an answer are you?”

“No,” Zayn replies with a smile. 

“Okay…all right. Go and get ready. I’ll take Niall home with me, and after I get done getting ready then I’ll come back and get you. Okay?”

“I’ll be on my best behavior,” Zayn promises. 

“Yeah we’ll see about that,” Harry says, stepping forward and kissing Zayn’s forehead. 

~~~ 

Harry’s work is different then he thought it would. It’s a small brick building located on the far side of town. It’s further than Zayn expected it to be. Harry parks his car in the small parking lot, getting out and opening Zayn’s door so they can walk inside together. He holds onto Zayn’s hand and waves to the florist across the street as they walk. He pulls Zayn inside of the building and introduces him to the receptionist, Margaret, a younger women with flowing brown hair that giggles at them when Harry says Zayn is his boyfriend. 

Harry pushes through a glass door and leads him down a narrow hallway. There are several glass doors throughout the hallway, each of them looking into their own recording area. Zayn’s surprised to say the least that the building isn’t flooded with more people and that it’s not as large and grand as he thought it would be. 

They walk until they’re at the last door on the right. Harry pushes it open and flicks on a light, revealing the large brown leather couch on the far side and a table full of controls, and knobs with several office chairs in front of them. Zayn has no idea what any of them do, but he imagines that’s where Harry sits with Liam while they work on people’s albums.

“Do you want to sit down?” Harry asks, pulling Zayn down onto the couch next to him. He opens his arms and pulls Zayn against him. “We have probably fifteen minutes before Liam or Taylor get here.”

“Taylor?” 

“The girl who we’re working with, well I’ve been working with. Liam obviously has been skipping out.”

“Oh her,” Zayn says, remembering the countless times that Harry had mentioned this client. 

They sit together in silence for ten minutes before the door opens, revealing a tall blonde in black shorts and a long sleeved striped shirt. 

“Harry,” she shouts excitedly. “Oh who is this?”

“Taylor, this is Zayn, my boyfriend. Zayn, this is Taylor,” Harry says, waving his hand between the two. 

Zayn stands up, ready to introduce himself properly but is stopped when Taylor frowns at him, eyeing him up and looking back and forth between the two. 

“Boyfriend?” Taylor says with a frown. “How can you have a boyfriend? You never mentioned a boyfriend. How can you have a boyfriend when you’ve got a son?” 

“Um, technically he’s my son,” Zayn says. 

“He’s your son? The little blonde boy?”

Zayn nods his head. “Yeah. Harry isn’t a blood father, but he’s, um, a father.”

“Oh,” Taylor says nodding her head. “Well it’s nice meeting you. Harry, I’m going to go and warm up my voice.”

Zayn watches her disappear behind the door until he sees her in the glass behind the controls. 

“You’ve never mentioned me?” Zayn asks with a slight frown. “You mentioned Niall, but not me?” 

“I have,” Harry says. “She has selective hearing. I’ve mentioned you before.”

“She said you didn’t.”

“She has selective hearing. It took me saying I had to get Niall from daycare about thirty times before she figured out whom exactly Niall is. She hears what she wants to hear and that’s it. I’ve mentioned you before. I told her about you the other night when she asked me to dinner.”

“She asked you to dinner?” Zayn asks in surprise. 

“Not like a date. She invited other people as well, but I told her that I had to pick Niall up from daycare and that I wouldn’t be able to make it. I told her that I was going home to spend the night with you and Niall. She asked who you were and I told her that you were my boyfriend.”

“She asked you to dinner when she knew about me and about Niall?”

Harry laughs, leaning forward to kiss Zayn. “Don’t let it stress you out, okay? I said no, and she’s harmless. I think she’s just lonely most of the time.”

“How can I not let it stress me out when girls with long legs are bouncing around asking you out to dinner? No one asks me to dinner,” Zayn says, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I’ll ask you to dinner.” 

“You don’t count. I want someone good to ask me,” Zayn says with a smile. “I want someone to ask me so you can stress out for once.” 

“Everyone wants to ask you. You don’t see the way everyone looks at you. More people want you besides me. That’s why I keep you locked inside all the time,” Harry says, kissing Zayn again. 

Zayn smiles into the kiss and knows that Harry is only saying that to make him feel better. He’s not worried about Taylor or another girl coming in and taking what they have, but it doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t like other people appreciating Harry for how amazing he is. 

Their kissing comes to a halt when they hear a quiet, “oh.” 

Zayn pulls away, smiling at Harry before he turns around and sees Liam standing in the doorway, two to go cups of coffee in his hands. Zayn narrows his eyes and stands up from the couch. 

“Oh…Oh. I brought you coffee, Harry,” Liam says, stepping around Zayn and handing over one of the cups into Harry’s hands. “Um…hi.” 

“Hello, Liam,” Zayn says. “I think we should talk, yeah?” 

“I’ll just go and join Taylor,” Harry says, brushing past Liam and disappearing into the little recording booth with Taylor. 

Liam takes a deep breath as he watches Harry go before turning around to look at Zayn. “So you found me, I guess. The walls are sound proof if you want to yell at me.”

Zayn eyes Liam carefully, taking note of his unkempt hair, the bags under his eyes, and how his dress shirt is slightly wrinkled, sections of it tucked in while the rest of it hangs out. He doesn’t look as well as Zayn expected him to look and he feels pity for the boy. 

“I’m not going to yell at you. I should, but I’m not going to,” Zayn says. “But I do want to talk to you.”

“Right, well. Go ahead and ask me.”

“Why did you do it?” Zayn asks. 

“You already know why. I know that Louis talked to you about it. I don’t have any special, hidden secrets about what happened.”

“I think you do,” Zayn says. “I think a lot more went on then you and Louis care to share. I don’t know what happened. It might not be any of my business, but it’s been weeks and my best friend won’t stop crying. He can’t even go home. He’s sleeping in Harry’s guest bedroom, and I don’t know what happened besides you giving up.”

“Is he? I mean—is Louis okay?” Liam asks, chewing on his bottom lip. 

“No, he’s not,” Zayn says. “You broke his heart. He thought that everything was going to be okay and you drug it out for so long. You spent months fighting with him and then you just disappeared and took everything. You just left him like he never mattered to you.”

“He matters,” Liam says. “Don’t—don’t tell me that he never mattered to me. You know that’s a lie, because Louis is everything.”

“If he’s everything why would you leave him?”

“We want different things. I don’t want just Louis. I want a family with Louis and a promise that we’ll always be together, and I want everyone to see us make that promise. I wanted everything with him, and he didn’t want any of that. It’ll never work out in the end if we can’t compromise or at least agree on a future.”

“You could have found a compromise. You broke his fucking heart, Liam.”

“He’s not the only one that’s going through a rough time,” Liam says, staring at the ground, his head hung low. 

“Liam, if you’re not happy then why don’t you fix this? You’re the only thing, the only person in the entire world that Louis wants, and if you’re going through just as much as he is then I think you need him back as badly as he wants you back.”

“I can’t. I can’t.” 

“Why?”

“I just—can’t. It’s not that easy. I love Louis and I always will, but sometimes love isn’t enough,” Liam says sadly. “I’m sorry for how it all played out. I tried to make it easy, but it just got so hard. I’m sorry for breaking your best friend’s heart.”

“Oh, Liam,” Zayn says with a sigh, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around the other boy. “Don’t be sorry. I just hate seeing him so upset, and not knowing how to fix it. Louis is my best friend, but you’re a friend too. I’m sorry for not thinking that you’d be upset about this.” 

“It’s all right,” Liam says, wrapping his own arms around Zayn. “I really missed you, and Harry, and Niall. I wanted to see you guys but I knew that Louis would be around, and I don’t want to make anything harder so I kind of went in hiding for a little while.” 

Zayn hugs Liam tighter, feeling sorry for not only Louis but for Liam as well who is going through the same struggles, and the same heartbreak at what’s happening. 

Liam pulls away first, smiling up at Zayn and taking a sip of his coffee. Zayn returns the smile and squeezes Liam’s shoulder reassuringly. He breaks his gaze from Liam and turns to look into the recording booth at Harry to signal that everything is okay, and sees that Harry is talking closely to Taylor, pointing at a sheet of paper on a stand while Taylor has herself draped over his shoulders. 

Zayn frowns, watching the two of them, as Taylor runs one of her hands up and down Harry’s back, the other wrapped around his chest as she rests her chin on his shoulder.

“What, what, what the hell is that?” Zayn asks, pointing towards the recording booth. 

Liam looks over and sees what Zayn is talking about. “Taylor does that to everyone,” Liam says. 

“I don’t care,” Zayn says stepping forward and scanning the buttons laid out in front of him. 

“What are you doing?” Liam asks. 

“Isn’t there a little button on this stupid thing where they can hear us and we can hear them?” Zayn asks, pressing at random buttons.

“Zayn, stop you’re going to mess things up. Stop, Zayn, stop. It's this one,” Liam says, pointing towards a little orange button on the edge. 

Zayn presses the button and hears Harry’s voice explaining to Taylor what they’re going to do for this session. 

“Um, excuse me,” Zayn says, raising his eyebrows and looking at the pair of them. “Yeah…that’s not, um, Harry come out here, please. Now.”

Zayn releases the button and waits for Harry to come out. 

“Is everything okay?” Harry asks, stepping out of the booth, and closing the door behind him. 

“No, no. Um, no everything is not okay, it’s not okay at all.”

“What’s wrong?” Harry asks.

“That girl had her hands all over you and you just stood there. I’m right out here. I can see with my eyes what was going on in there.”

“Zayn, she’s a client. I can’t yell at her. I told you she’s harmless. She’s just friendly. I promise it’s nothing.”

“I don’t care if she’s a client or a world leader or some—just I don’t care, but I don’t want her hands all over you like that. You just let her sit in there and let her put her hands on you. I don’t—I don’t like it,” Zayn grits out, dropping his fists down to his sides. 

“Okay,” Harry says, holding his hands in the air. “I’m sorry. I should have known you’d be uncomfortable with it even if you were not here. I’ll let her know next to time that it’s crossing a line, okay?”

“Okay, good,” Zayn says. 

“Did everything go okay with you and Liam?” Harry asks, sharing a look with Liam and Zayn both. “Are you two okay?”

Liam shrugs his shoulders. 

“Yeah, we’re good,” Zayn says. 

“Good. I’m happy to hear that. Now, are you going to go home and see Niall?” Harry asks, brushing Zayn’s cheek. 

“No, I think I’ll stay here,” Zayn says. “I want to make sure Liam is okay. He seemed upset. I haven’t seen him for a while and I’m scared if I go to Louis and Niall that I’ll spill every detail that Liam said so I think I’ll just stay here. That’s okay, right?”

“And you want to make sure I’m behaving myself?” Harry asks with a little, teasing smile. 

“I’m not staying for you, but maybe…maybe if you take me out for lunch then I can forgive you and forget about everything that happened. But it has to be some place nice. I’m not eating another burger for lunch.” 

“All right, I’ll go on a date with you,” Harry says. 

“Oh god, you’re awful,” Zayn says, pushing at Harry’s chest. 

“But you love me, right?”

“I guess I do,” Zayn says, knocking his forehead against Harry’s.


	9. Chapter 9

Zayn makes his way up Harry’s staircase, listening for sounds of Niall and Louis, not hearing anything as he reaches the second floor. He checks in the guest bedroom first and sees Louis sprawled out across the bed, television on, and the remote placed on his stomach. 

“Where’s Niall?” Zayn asks, looking around the room, seeing that his son is missing. 

“He’s in his room playing with the cats,” Louis answers. “He said I wasn’t allowed to play. I just checked on him a few minutes ago and he tried to slam the door in my face, but he looked all right.” 

Zayn nods his head, turning around to check on Niall. He peeks in the bedroom door and sees Niall sitting in one of the elephant chairs that Harry bought for him; Cat is lying down on the other one while Kitty sleeps on the bed. Niall hears movement and turns to face the door, a scowl on his face. He smiles when he sees that it’s Zayn though, giving him a wave. 

“Hi Baba,” Niall says. 

“Hi sweetheart, what are you doing?”

“Read book,” Niall says, pointing towards the book laid out across the table in front of him. 

“Oh. Are you reading to Cat and Kitty?” Niall nods his head, flipping the page. “How come you won’t let Uncle Lou read with you?” 

“I say no,” Niall says as way of explanation. “Uncle Lou not read.” 

Zayn nods his head, too tired to ask about the subject anymore. He lets out a yawn and leans against the doorframe. “Did you have your nap yet?”

“Yes,” Niall says, nodding his head and staring at Zayn. “I nap.”

“No he didn’t.” Zayn looks over and sees Louis standing in the doorway next to him, his arms crossed as he smiles at Niall. “I was about to put him down for one but I got your text saying that you would be back soon so I figured I’d let you take care of that.” 

“I nap,” Niall says, glaring at Louis. 

“Niall, do you want to take your nap with Baba in Daddy’s bed or do you want to nap in your own bed?” 

Niall shakes his head. “I nap.” 

“I’m sure you did, but Baba is so tired, and I really would like it if you would lie down with me. You know how Baba lies with you sometimes when you’re very tired? Can you do that for Baba?” 

Niall looks at Zayn for a minute for glancing around the room. “Cat, Kitty come?” 

Zayn sighs. “Yeah, I guess. Go and put them on Daddy’s bed.”

Zayn watches as Niall stands up from the chair, walking around the table and grabbing Cat off the chair he was lying on and carrying him into he and Harry’s bedroom. 

“I think I’m going to go out for a little while,” Louis says. “I’m tired of staying in the house. I’ll come back by dinner, all right?”

“Yeah, sure,” Zayn says shrugging his shoulders and watches as Niall races back into his bedroom for Kitty. “Hey, um, I talked to Liam today. He showed up to work, and that’s why I went there. You know, to yell at him. I didn’t know if I should tell you, but I just thought that you should know. It felt like lying to not tell you about it.”

Zayn sees Louis goes stiff for a minute, his shoulders tightening. “How did he look?” Louis asks, not making eye contact with Zayn, his eyes are cast downwards towards the floor, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. 

“The truth? Like shit.” 

“Good,” Louis says with a sad smile on his face. “What did you talk about?”

“Do you really want to know that?”

Louis shakes his head. “No, I don’t.” 

“Fair enough.”

“Baba, nap,” Niall calls from inside the bedroom. No doubt that he’s already lying under the blankets or on top of Cat. 

“Looks like I’ve got to go and take my nap,” Zayn says, leaning over and knocking his shoulder against Louis’. “You go have fun.” 

~~~ 

Zayn wakes up a few hours later in bed alone, well without Niall, both of the cats are still sound asleep across the bottom of the bed. He throws the blankets off his body, standing to get out of bed. He checks in Niall’s room and Louis’ temporary room and doesn’t find his son anywhere. He can hear voices wafting in through the open window next to Louis’ bed so he walks across the room and looks down towards the backyard, and sees Niall along with Harry and someone that Zayn believes might be Nick. 

He makes his way downstairs, passing through the living room and the kitchen, and shoves open the back door. He sees Niall running around in just a pair of shorts, chasing after Nick who has red ball in his arms. Everyone in the backyard is shirtless except for him and he hopes Harry remembered to put lotion on Niall’s skin so he doesn't burn. 

Zayn closes the door behind him, walking to the edge of the porch. Harry is standing a few feet away wearing a black hat backwards, a pair of sunglasses and the shortest yellow shorts that Zayn has ever seen. Niall is wearing a pair of blue ones with little cartoon fish on them, and Nick is just wearing a pair of cut off jean shorts, and his own pair of sunglasses. 

“You’re awake,” Harry says, finally noticing Zayn’s presence. “We got back an hour ago and Niall was just waking up so I got him changed and we came out here.” 

“What are you wearing?” Zayn asks, staring at the bright yellow fabric across Harry’s thighs. 

Harry looks down and shrugs his shoulders. “They’re yellow swim shorts. What’s wrong with them?”

“They’re bright,” Zayn says with a smile. “Your butt is glowing.” 

Nick barks out a laugh, clutching his stomach in laughter. Niall stares at Nick for a moment before he laughs along with him, giggling as he stares at Nick, no doubt that he has no idea what it is he’s laughing about, but finding it funny nonetheless. 

“Ha. Ha. You’re so funny,” Harry says with a smile. “Are you going to keep staring at my glowing butt or are you going to go inside and change into proper clothes?” 

“I’m dressed,” Zayn says, looking down at his body. “What’s wrong with this?”

“Nothing, but we’re going to swim.”

“I’m not swimming,” Zayn says and follows it with a snort. “You know I can’t swim, and I don’t want to do it. Besides is Niall even wearing any sunscreen? He burns. Plus, he’s not even wearing the appropriate gear so he’s not getting in that pool.”

“Relax,” Harry says with a laugh, stepping forward so he’s directly in front of Zayn. “I just put more lotion on Niall a few minutes before you came out here. His life vest is right over there, and I’m not stupid enough to forget about it, okay? And you don’t have to swim if you don’t want to.” 

“Baba swim,” Niall shouts.

“No, sweetheart, Baba is going to watch you swim, okay? You, Daddy and Nick can get in the pool, but Baba is not.”

“I think I’m going to work on my tan actually,” Nick says, walking over towards one of the lounge chairs that Harry has next to the pool. He sits down on it, leaning back, he cross his legs and folds his arms behind his head, tilting his face up towards the sun. 

“Niall tan.” Niall marches across the grass, making his way over towards the chair that Nick is sitting in. “Sit you,” Niall says, pulling himself onto the chair next to Nick. He lies back on his back, propping his arms behind his head just like Nick is doing. 

Nick lifts up his sunglasses, looking down at Niall with a smile before straightening himself out and going back to his previous position. 

“Well it looks like we’re going to be working on our tans instead,” Harry says, turning his attention back towards Zayn. “Unless you have something else that you want to do.” 

“Like?” Zayn asks, looking down at Harry. 

“Like things in the house, bedroom things. Maybe even shower things, maybe both? Or maybe against the wall things or against the kitchen table things or—“ 

“Okay, okay,” Zayn says, pressing a finger to Harry’s lips to shut him up. “I get where you’re going with this, and yes that is something else I would rather do.”

Harry smiles, biting down on the pad of Zayn’s finger. He turns around towards Nick and Niall and shouts, “Nick, can you watch Niall for a little while? We’re going inside and you need to make sure that neither of you come in.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Nick says, waving them off. “Wait, are you kidding? Are you seriously? Right now?” 

Harry doesn’t say anything; he smiles at Nick before grabbing Zayn’s hand and dragging him into the house. 

~~~ 

“I’m exhausted,” Louis says, dropping down onto the couch next to Zayn. “I went shopping too so I’m also broke. I have no money.” 

Zayn nods his head, reaching over to stroke his fingers through Louis’ hair. “You’re not broke. You came home with two bags, one had three shirts inside and the other had new socks.” 

“They were hundred dollar socks, or they should have been. They’re so cool. One of them lights up and plays music when you hit them in just the right place,” Louis explains. “I didn’t even need socks, but I thought Niall would like them so I bought them and figured I could wear them for him.” 

“You’re such a great Uncle,” Zayn teases. 

“I am, I’m the best. Speaking of your son where is he? And your boyfriend?” Louis asks, looking around the house. 

“Cat and Kitty are getting married and only Harry got an invitation so they’re both upstairs in Niall’s bedroom being witnesses to the wedding.” 

“Wow first I’m not a good enough reader to read to the cat and now you’re not invited to his wedding. I’m starting to think that cat hates us,” Louis says. 

“Maybe, but apparently it was Kitty who didn’t want me there. Apparently she said ‘no Baba’s allowed’.” 

“That’s a tough break. That cat is such a brat. You can come to my wedding,” Louis says. 

“I thought you didn’t want to get married?” Zayn says, phrasing it as a question because he knows that Louis and Liam broke up because Liam wanted a marriage and a family while Louis didn’t. He wonders if Louis had a change of heart or if he’s simply just saying that because Zayn was declined entry to a feline wedding by a cat that Niall assumes is his best friend. 

“I don’t, but you deserve to be invited to somebody’s wedding so I’m trying to be nice here.” 

“I see, well who would you marry?” 

“Hmm, good question. Harry, I’d snatch Harry away from you,” Louis says with a teasing smile. 

Zayn nods, leaning his head against the back of the couch, closing his eyes. “I see, well, good luck with him. He wears neon yellow shorts, and his butt glows in the sunlight. Plus, he attends weddings for cats.” 

“Your boyfriend is weird. He’s so weird,” Louis says with a laugh, leaning his head back against the couch, quieting down. 

It’s quiet for a minute, Zayn can hear the sounds of Niall and Harry clapping from upstairs and he feels a fond smile spread across his face. He can imagine the two of them upstairs, still in their swim clothes and watching as two cats lie on the ground in front of them, doing absolutely nothing. 

~~~ 

“The cats are officially Mr and Mrs—Niall what did we decide their married name was?” Harry asks. 

“Cat Kitty,” Niall says, pulling himself up onto the couch next to Zayn. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Cat Kitty,” Harry says. “Cat Cat Kitty, and Kitty Cat Kitty.” 

“You’re great with names, Niall,” Louis says, reaching over to tickle Niall’s stomach. 

“Baba, ice cream,” Niall says with a nod of his head. “I eat.” 

“Yeah, babe, we need reception food,” Harry says, dropping down onto the couch, pulling Niall into his lap. “We’ve just been to a wedding, and we’re hungry, right Niall?” 

“Right, hungry,” Niall says. 

“I’m hungry too,” Louis says. “I mean, I listened to them attend a weeding.”

“Oh, god,” Zayn says, rolling his eyes. “Four bowls of vanilla ice cream, coming right up for you monsters.”


	10. Chapter 10

Zayn watches as Niall races around Harry’s living room, running with a piece of string behind him that have both of the cats going crazy. He’s giggling madly as they run and jump, attempting to catch a hold of the string. Niall finds the game funnier and more fun than half the toys in his bedroom upstairs. 

“Oh my.” Zayn tilts his head back and sees Harry standing the doorway, hair-soaking wet from his shower. “How long has this been going on?” He asks, jumping over the back of the couch, and settling in next to Zayn. 

“You were in the shower for fifteen minutes so about fifteen minutes. It was either string or him trying to put Cat in the shower, because as soon as you left the room he asked the cat if he needed a bath.”

“Oh god, that’d end their friendship,” Harry says, smiling at Niall as he rushes past them. “He’s cute.”

“He is,” Zayn agrees easily. “Are you going to dry your hair?”

“Why?” Harry asks, turning to look at Zayn. 

“Because we need to go to the store. Niall has a ton of things that he needs and I want to get them today.”

“What are you going to get me?” Harry asks, smiling widely. 

“The pleasure of my company,” Zayn teases. “Unfortunately you’re an adult and you’re capable of buying your own things, and getting them for yourself, but Niall is not.”

“I guess you’re tolerable enough,” Harry says, standing up. “I’m also not going to dry my hair, I’m going to let it air dry so it’s frizzy and you’re embarrassed to be seen with me.”

“Oh how thoughtful,” Zayn replies. 

~~~ 

“Baba, want,” Niall says, pointing towards a pair of bright green socks with little frogs on them. “Want,” he repeats as he stands on his tiptoes to try and yank them off their display. 

“Not so fast,” Harry says, reaching down and scooping Niall into his arms, balancing him on his hips. 

“Niall, don’t try and take things, okay? If you like something then tell us, but don’t touch,” Zayn scolds as he reaches out for the socks. He thinks that they’re hideous, but he promised Niall that he’d be able to pick out a few things so if one of those things is a pair of frog socks then so be it. 

“What else do you like, bub?” Harry asks, bouncing Niall a little. “We got you a bunch of shirts, and pants. Do you see anything else you like?”

Niall looks around the store for a moment before he points over towards the section in the far right. “Hat,” he says. “Niall want hat.” 

“Baba can Niall get a hat?” Harry asks. 

Zayn looks down at the merchandise in his hands, making sure that they bought everything that they need. They’ll need to pick up more diapers, and a new set of bowls since Harry accidentally put them in the dishwasher, causing them all to melt a little and distort. They can get those last since they’re closer to the check out. 

“Yeah, we can manage a hat. Only one though, because we still have other things to buy,” Zayn says, holding up one finger to show what he means. 

Niall nods his head, 

They walk over towards the section, Harry still holding Niall while he slowly begins looking at the hats. He tries on a few of them, and Zayn smiles at how cute a hat makes Niall look. But the hat that sparks Niall’s interest the most is a little plain black snapback that’s slightly too large for his head, but when he puts it on and looks at the picture Zayn has taken of him on his phone, he does a little cheer and says it’s the one he wants. 

“Excuse me.”

Zayn turns around and sees an older woman with graying brown hair standing behind them, smiling. 

“Yes?” Harry asks, adjusting Niall on his hips. 

“I just wanted to tell you that you son is so cute,” she says, smiling widely. “He’s adorable.” 

“Thank you,” Zayn says, answering for the two of them, because he is Niall’s father, and he feels a little burst of pride that people find his little baby adorable. 

“We think so too,” Harry says. “Right Niall?”

“Yes,” Niall says, nodding his head obediently. 

“He looks just like you,” she says, pointing between Niall and Harry. “It’s crazy how much you too look alike.” 

Zayn can feel Harry still next to him as he turns down to look at Zayn. Zayn makes sure to keep his face neutral as he avoids Harry’s gaze. He knows that if he makes eye contact with Harry that he’ll be able to see every emotion, and though that’s swirling through his mind, because Zayn feels like he’s been punched in the gut. A reminder that he and Niall don’t share any resemblance is like a piercing ache in his heart, because. He sees it everyday. He knows they look nothing alike. Niall with his hair skin, and permanent flush to his cheeks in contrast to the tan skin of Zayn, his startling blue eyes while Zayn’s are hazel. Niall’s hair is light while Zayn’s as dark as they come. He knows that, fuck, he knows these things, and he’ll never understand why people feel the need to make comments regarding it when it isn’t their place. It’s no ones concern whether he’s Niall’s father or not, and even though the lady didn't flat out deny him of his fatherhood, he still feels like she has, because Harry isn’t Niall’s father. He’s a father, sure, but he’s not the father. 

“Thanks,” Harry says, smiling at the lady nervously as he continues to sneak glances at Zayn. 

“Oh it’s not a problem. I’m sure you hear it everyday,” the woman says. 

Zayn frowns, staring at her for a moment as she continues to coo at Niall. Niall is smiling widely, tucking his face into Harry’s neck as the lady continues to rattle on about what a cute child he is, and how he got his devilishly handsome looks from his father, she can tell. 

And something inside of Zayn snaps. “I’m his father,” Zayn says. “They have no relation whatsoever. I am his father.” 

“What?” The lady asks, looking confused as she glances between Niall and Zayn. Her expression changes from confusion to disbelief as he opens her mouth to say something. But Zayn doesn’t let her talk. 

“No, you’ve said enough,” Zayn says, holding up his hand to stop her. “Harry, give me my son.” 

“Zayn,” Harry says, looking at Zayn like he’s about to have a freak out in the middle of the store, and he will if Harry doesn’t hand his son over. 

“No,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “Give me my son. I’m leaving and I’m taking my son with me. Now hand him over before I yank him out of your arms. Niall, come to Baba.” 

Zayn reaches out and takes Niall from Harry’s arms. Harry doesn’t fight him or try to keep Niall from getting away; he allows the exchange to happen with ease. Zayn fixes Niall on his hip and turns, making his way out of the store. He tosses the merchandise in his hand on one of the shelves as he makes his way out, practically fuming at the entire situation. 

He walks through the parking lot and stops when he finds Harry’s car, leaning against it, breathing heavily as he clutches onto Niall.

“Baba,” Niall says, looking up at Zayn with worried eyes. 

Zayn takes a deep breath, pushing his anger to the back of his mind. It’s not Niall’s fault that he’s angry, and he’s not going to take it out on him. “Yeah, baby?” Zayn reaches up and begins stroking his fingers through Niall’s hair, hoping it will calm him down. 

“You mad,” Niall says, giving Zayn a look.

Zayn smiles. “Not at you, sweetheart. Baba just got upset for a minute. I’m sorry.” 

“Why mad?”

Zayn sighs, knowing that he can’t tell Niall the truth. “It’s silly. Baba was being silly, wasn’t he?” 

“Yes,” Niall says, giggling. “Baba silly.”

“But you know that Baba loves you right? And no matter what you’re always Baba’s. You’ll always be Baba’s boy,” Zayn says, leaning Niall’s head closer so he can press a kiss to his forehead. 

“Love Baba,” Niall says, shifting around so he can kiss Zayn, and it causes the smallest amount of tension to slip away from Zayn’s body at Niall’s words. 

Zayn smiles at Niall before turning his head towards the approaching figure. He sees Harry coming, carrying a few shopping bags; no doubt that he grabbed everything Zayn threw down, along with the things they hadn’t gotten yet, and paid for it all. The smile is erased from his face when he makes eye contact with Harry, instead as soon as he hears the car beep unlocked behind him does he turn around and begin buckling Niall into his car seat. 

~~~ 

The car ride is silent the entire way back to Zayn’s apartment. Harry had tried several times to say something, but Zayn ignored them all, turning up the radio a pinch every time Harry opened his mouth. The only sounds in the car were the songs on the radio wafting through the speakers, and Niall trying to sing along. 

When they get back to his apartment he takes care of Niall while Harry gets the bags. He doesn’t wait for Harry; instead he marches up to his apartment, leaving the door unlocked but closed behind him as he carries Niall towards his room. He lays him down on the floor, changing his diaper. He finishes quickly, and redresses Niall back into his clothes. Harry comes in as he’s buttoning Niall’s pants and sets the bags down on the floor next to Niall’s closet. He leaves without a word. 

Zayn sighs, watching him go and says to Niall, “do you think you can play in your room for a while?”

“Yes,” Niall says, standing up and running towards his toy chest. 

Zayn watches him for a moment before getting up and making his way into the living room. Harry is sitting down on the chair, he turns to look at Zayn when he enters and says, “What happened back at the store?”

“That lady was rude and I didn’t want to be there anymore,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders. 

“So then why are you mad at me?” Harry asks. 

“She sat there and implied that I’m not Niall’s father while she raved on and on about what beautiful children you make, ignoring me completely, because a person who looks like me couldn’t possibly be the father even though it’s fairly obvious that we’re together. She automatically assumes that you’re the father.” 

“And that’s my fault? I don’t know what to do in a situation like that Zayn, it’s never happened to us before,” Harry defends. 

“You tell them that he’s not yours. You thanked her for saying that he looks like you. He doesn’t. He doesn’t look like you. He’s not yours,” Zayn says, feeling panicked and angry. 

“I know that he’s not mine, but I’m not going to be rude, and treat a women like shit just because he’s not my child biologically. I know that he’s not my son, but he’s mine too,” Harry says.

“He’s not yours,” Zayn shouts. “He’s not yours. He’s not.” He feels the angry energy leaving his body as he sinks down onto the couch. He puts his face in his hands, groaning into them. “I’m sorry. It’s just. He’s mine, and I see the way people look at us when we’re out together, and I know they’re wondering why someone who looks like me has a son that looks like him. Nobody believes that he’s mine, but no one has ever outright denied me and thought he was someone else’s, even if they were thinking it. Not even when I was out with Louis. And when Niall and Louis are together they practically turn into the same person, because of how much Niall loves him, and he loves acting wild like Louis. But today that woman ignored me, and made it seem like I wasn’t in Niall’s life, but it felt like she was saying I shouldn’t be.”

“Zayn—,” Harry says, sitting down next to him, and resting a hand on his thigh. 

“No, no. I’m sorry. That was shit of me to yell at you and say that, but it’s been a nagging thought in the back of my mind for Niall’s entire life. And hearing that lady today say he looks like you...it was a slap in the face. She looked at me like she couldn’t believe that someone like me could have a son like Niall. But Niall…he’s, fuck, he’s mine, yeah? He’s mine.”

“Zayn, babe, of course he’s yours. I know that and you know that,” Harry says, squeezing Zayn’s thigh. 

“Do we though?” Zayn asks before Harry gets the chance to say anything else. He finally lifts his face up to look at Harry. “How do we know that?” 

“Zayn, he’s yours. He’s been yours since the moment Amber found out she was pregnant, and the moment he came into the world. When she left it was you that she left him with, and it’s been you that’s taken care of him for his entire life. You’ve made sure he’s had everything he’s ever needed, but most importantly you’re the one he sees as a father. You’re his Baba,” Harry says. Zayn smiles slightly, but doesn’t feel the tension leave his body. “He might call me Daddy, but I’ll never be what you are to him. He needs and wants you more than he does anyone in this world. He wouldn’t see me as Daddy if I wasn’t with you. And I’m so fucking sorry that I didn’t correct that lady or say anything. I’m so sorry.”

Zayn shrugs his shoulders. “It’s not your fault, and I’m sorry for yelling at you and saying that he’s not yours. He is, but.” 

“Not in the same way that he’s yours. I understand that, and I know that. I had no idea what to say to that woman today. It caught me off guard and I could tell that you weren’t comfortable, and I didn’t want to insult her so I just said thanks, but I wasn’t saying that because I think Niall is mine. Niall is yours. I’m Daddy, but you’re Baba, and that will always mean a lot more.”

Zayn nods his head, leaning over so he can press his weight against Harry’s chest. Harry removes his hand from Zayn’s thigh and wraps it around his shoulder instead, pulling him closer so he’s cuddled up against his chest. He feels secure and protected in Harry’s hold as he tries to forget the lady from the story. He feels so unbelievably lucky to have Harry, someone who understands him and pushes him to talk about the things that are bothering him, someone who doesn’t run off when Zayn has an off day and gets angry about something. He’s lucky to have Harry, and he’s glad that if anyone is confused as Niall’s real father that it’s his boyfriend, because Harry is Daddy. 

And Zayn repeats that thought process over and over again for the next ten minutes while Harry holds him close, running his fingers along Zayn’s skin while he hums under his breath. He’s anchoring Zayn, helping him come back and forget about the day. 

And as helpful as he’s being, nothing helps more than the sight of Niall running into the living, wearing his new hat and socks, and jumping on the couch to join the family cuddle.


	11. Chapter 11

It’s three thirty in the morning when Zayn is awoken by the sound of Niall’s cries. He glances around the room, squinting as he tries to adjust his eyes to being awake. It’s just Zayn and Niall for the night, Harry had gone home for the night, having to wake up earlier than normal for work the following day, and needing to stop by the store to get food for his house since Louis seems to be eating it all. 

Zayn stumbles out of bed, tripping over his feet as he shuffles across the room. He can hear Niall practically screaming as he cries, loud echoes that carry throughout the apartment, bouncing off the walls. The sound sends little jolts through Zayn’s heart as Niall continues to sob. 

He pushes open Niall’s door, revealing Niall, sat up in his bed with his head turned upwards, mouth wide open as sounds choke out of his mouth. 

Zayn rushes forward, kneeling down next to Niall’s bed. “Hey, shhh, Niall, baby, it’s Baba,” Zayn says, reaching out towards Niall. 

Niall turns his head over, taking notice of Zayn as he jumps into his father’s arms, wrapping his own arms around Zayn’s neck and squeezing so tightly that Zayn feels his throat constrict for a moment. He pulls Niall in close, gently rubbing his back, and supporting his bottom as he pushes off the ground to stand. Rocking Niall gently in his arms, Zayn begins to gently try and get Niall’s tears to subside. 

Niall continues to cry, wailing in Zayn’s ear as he presses his face against Zayn’s neck, tears soaking Zayn’s shirt as he rocks him. Niall keeps trying to talk, words getting twisted and choked in his throat as it competes with his sobs.

“Niall, baby, you have to calm down. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

And he does, of course. Niall cries heavily for another few minutes before he pulls his face out of Zayn’s neck and throws up all down the front of both of their pajamas. He pauses his crying briefly only to see what he has done and begins to immediately cry again. 

Zayn rushes into the bathroom, setting Niall down on the floor as he strips out of his shirt, throwing it into the bathtub. He checks his pants and sees there is nothing visibly on them, so he’ll be okay to change them in his bedroom. He bends down, carefully getting Niall out of his own pajamas, throwing them in the tub with his. 

Niall’s still crying, shaking slightly from the sobs. Zayn flicks on the sink and grabs a couple of cloths that are sitting along the shelf on the wall. 

“Was it a bad dream?” Zayn asks, slipping a cloth under the running water.

Niall’s bottom lip trembles as he nods his head, staring up at Zayn with glassy blue eyes, filled with tears, and a bottom lip that’s jutted out and trembling terrible. 

“Sweetheart, you have to calm down for Baba, okay? I don’t want you getting sick again. Please. Can you tell me what happened?” 

“Baba, Baba, Baba,” Niall hiccups loudly, a sob ripping through his throat as he tries to explain what happened. “Baba not wakes. No wake. Niall, Niall, I say wake.” Niall barely manages to get the last part out, resulting again to latching onto Zayn and sobbing into the material of his pajama pants.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Zayn soothes, running his fingers through Niall’s hair since he won’t appear to let go long enough to allow Zayn to kneel. “Baba’s awake, see? I’m awake. Baba always wakes up, and he’ll always wake up, okay?” Zayn knows it’s a horrible thing to promise, because it’s an uncertainty that one faces every night when they go to sleep, but Zayn knows that he’ll never break a promise to Niall, and his son has just gotten done being sick all down the front of him, still crying as they stand in the front of the bathroom sink. 

Niall nods his head, letting out a quiet whimper as his cries begin to slowly subdue. 

Zayn takes the washcloth, pulling it out from under the water, wringing it before gently brushing it along Niall’s skin where some of his sick managed to latch onto. Zayn gently shushes him as he continues to whimper from thoughts of the nightmare, his eyes only releasing a few tears. 

“It was only a dream, baby,” Zayn says, sticking the cloth back under the water to rinse it out. Niall is mostly clean, and he really needs to get the remaining vomit off of his own neck without making a face; he doesn’t want Niall to think he’s done anything wrong. It wasn’t his fault that he got sick, and he appears to be too sensitive to handle much. He pulls the rag out from the water and gently begins cleaning his own body. “Sometimes you dream bad stuff that might be sad or scary, but it’s not real. And Baba is always here, or Daddy or Uncle Louis and even Uncle Liam. Are you okay now?”

Niall shakes his head. “No,” he says, rubbing the last tear from his cheek. 

Zayn smiles, tossing the cloth in the bathtub and shuts off the running water in the sink, he bends down and picks Niall up, carrying him towards his bedroom so he can grab a clean diaper. “What do you say that we sleep in Baba’s bed for the rest of the night?”

“Yes,” Niall says. 

“And maybe in the morning we can go see Uncle Louis at work, and eat cookies with lunch,” Zayn says, changing Niall out of his old diaper and into a new one. 

Niall nods, allowing Zayn to put him into his bed. As soon as Zayn gets in on the other side, Niall latches himself onto him, holding on tight. They’re not as clean he wants, wishes they could be, but Niall’s finally stopped crying, and Zayn doesn’t have the energy to care about anything else right now. 

“Baba wake,” Niall says, looking up at Zayn. 

“I promise that I’ll wake up, okay? Close your eyes and go to sleep,” Zayn says, pulling the blankets up over their body. “Baba’s right here, don’t worry about anything. Okay? Baba’s right here.”

“Love, Baba,” Niall says, closing his eyes. 

“I love you, too.”

~~~

Zayn gets to work around lunchtime, carrying a couple bags full of food that he made himself, holding the door open so Niall can enter the diner. Zayn sets the food down on the booth next to the door, helping Niall onto one of the seats. 

“Wait here, I’m just going right over there to tell Uncle Louis to come out, okay?”

Niall nods his head, staring up at Zayn with wide eyes, the fear in them from his nightmare still present. Zayn brushes his fingers through Niall’s hair briefly before slipping behind the counter and sticking his head through the little hole in the wall. Louis is standing with his back turned, leaning against something, phone pulled out, texting rapidly. 

“Hey,” Zayn says, startling Louis completely. He jumps, turning around to glare at Zayn who only smiles at him. “I brought a cute little boy to see you, and I made you lunch. Come out here and eat it.”

“You scared the shit out of me,” Louis says, taking off his apron and making his way towards the door. He walks completely past Zayn, rushing over towards the booth so he can greet Niall with a sloppy kiss to the cheek, before sliding in the seat across from him. 

Zayn sits down next to Niall, reaching for the bags of food; pulling out the containers he stored them in, passing on to Louis, and another to Niall. He pops open the lid, and watches as Niall begins grabbing at the finger foods. 

“This looks great,” Louis says, unwrapping his fork so he can begin eating. “To what do I owe the home cooked meal and toddler company?”

Zayn smiles at Louis and begins opening his own food to begin eating his lunch. “Well, I kind of realized that I’ve been a fairly shitty friend to you recently.” 

“What are you talking about?” Louis asks, genuinely looking confused. 

Zayn shrugs his shoulders. “You’ve had a lot going on recently with the whole Liam thing, and I should haven’t been doing a proper job of making sure that you’re okay and that you’re handling it well. You’re always alone in Harry’s house while we’re off, god I don’t even know what we do half the time. I wanted to make it up to you so I’m hoping some chicken can help, because I’m really sorry about focusing so much on Niall and Harry, okay maybe not Niall, but definitely Harry, especially when you’re going through a rough patch.”

“Zayn, I wanted to be alone. I mean I’m still not ready to go back to my apartment, and deal with whatever it is I need to deal with, but I wanted to be left alone. I…I’ve got a lot to think about. I screwed up my relationship with Liam, and it’s over, and I don’t want to go home, back to my empty apartment and be reminded of all the stuff that used to be there, the person that used to be there.”

“I know that,” Zayn says, pulling a coloring book and some crayons out of his bag to give to Niall so he’s distracted from their conversation while he eats. “I know it’s not my fault, but I should have been there for you more.” 

“It’s fine, honestly. I’m…coping. I’m not over it because I’ll always love Liam, he’s it, ya know? But he deserves to be happy, and I can’t give him the things that he wants most.”

“Have you talked to him?” Louis nods. “When?”

“A few nights ago. I was having a rough day, and I just kept thinking about everything, and I couldn’t stop myself so I texted him…a few times. I told him how mad I was, and then I started yelling at him. None of it made any sense. I mostly just said I wanted his socks back, the pair he knew that I loved, but he took anyway. I kept saying socks but I think I meant my heart, or something like that.” 

“And he replied?” Zayn asks, watching Louis closely, sparing a glance towards Niall who running a crayon along the paper, paying no attention to anything going on around him. 

“He was being all calm and just…he was being so Liam that it made me crazy. I wanted to jump through the phone and punch him in the face or something. He wasn’t angry; he didn’t even seem upset about anything. He’s always so calm, about everything, and he should be upset. I don’t want him to be calm. I just go angry.” 

“What did you do?” Zayn says, squinting his eyes at Louis, knowing that his best friend did something. 

“I got drunk and naturally I ended up calling him,” Louis says, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t even remember what happened, but he came over to Harry’s and forced me to go to sleep, and I woke up with some water and medicine, and a bin pushed up against the side of the bed. Typical Liam.”

“Holy shit,” Zayn breathes, running his hand through his hair. 

“Baba, bad word,” Niall scolds, tilting his head up to frown at Zayn before going back to coloring. 

“I’m sorry,” Zayn says quickly to Niall before turning back to Louis. “Are you okay? Like, oh man. Do you want me to talk to him and figure out what happened? Or, it’d probably be best if Harry did it.” 

“No it’s okay,” Louis says, shaking his head. “I know that I probably yelled at him, a lot. But it made me feel better. I don’t know what I did or said, but obviously it was something that I needed to get out, and I did. I don’t know, I feel better. I still don’t want to go home, but apart of me—everything just feels better about all of this even though nothing is better because I’m still single.” 

“That makes, I mean, it doesn’t make any sense, but if you’re feeling better than that’s good, right?”

“It’s amazing,” Louis says with a smile, an honest to god genuine smile. “I’m good so don’t worry about me or worry about not being a good friend because you’re not constantly watching me and making sure that I don’t crack and break, you’re helping me because you’re not walking on egg shells around me. Besides you have your own relationship to worry about and I hear that there was an upset recently.” 

“Harry told you about that?” Louis nods and Zayn groans. “Yeah well, he’s mine isn’t he?” Zayn says, reaching over to smooth out Niall’s hair. 

“Of course but he’s also Harry’s and he’s definitely mine, maybe mine more than anyone else,” Louis says with a wink. “You’re allowed to be upset, okay? You’re allowed to get angry but you’re not allowed to be insecure about Niall and if he’s yours anymore, got it?”

“Got it,” Zayn says. 

“Now what are you going to do to make it up to Harry, because I know that you’re planning something.”

“Niall and I are going to make him a fancy dinner, right Niall?” Niall nods, a serious look on his face. “After that I have no idea, but food seemed to work for you so it’s obviously a hit with the people.”

“Or you make him dinner and I’ll take Niall for the night and that way it’ll be a little bit more romantic, and Niall can finally have fun for a change.”

“I’m going to ignore that last part, but okay, yeah.”

~~~

Zayn can hear Harry’s keys in the door as he lights the final candle on the table. The food is already set out; warm on their plates as he races around the apartment to make sure that everything is in order. There are candles spread out through out the kitchen and living room, it’s a bit silly but it feels romantic to have the lights off and only using the soft glow created from them. He walks into the living room in time to see Harry entering, the door closing quietly behind him. 

“What’s all this?” Harry asks, glancing around the apartment as he takes off his jacket and shoes. 

“It’s my own little apology for freaking on you about that lady in the store and about being Niall’s father and all of that.” 

“Zayn I told you it was fine, you didn’t have to do any of this.” 

“It wasn’t fine and I did have to do this so shut up and come and eat the food that I made you.”

“Right away,” Harry says, grabbing onto Zayn’s hand and pulling him into the kitchen. “Wow, this looks great.” 

“Yeah well, today is all about apologizing to everyone I’ve treated poorly. I took care of Louis, and now it’s your turn because you didn’t deserve anything that I said to you and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I mean, you were there and it was easier to do that, but I shouldn’t have.” 

“Zayn, it’s fine,” Harry interrupts, beginning to eat the food on his plate. 

“Shut up, I wasn’t finished,” Zayn says, smiling. “I cooked you dinner, and Louis took Niall for the entire night so anything you want to do we can.” 

“Finish eating,” Harry says, shoveling food into his mouth. “This is great, this is wonderful, and when we’re done we need to blow out all of these candles, because I don’t want to start a fire and then—Niall’s gone all night?”

“Yes,” Zayn says. “I already said that. He’s gone with Louis for the entire night until I get him tomorrow.” 

“Shit, speaking of tomorrow I have a work party thing again and you have to come with me. So Louis has to watch Niall again, but afterwards we can go back to my place and sleep there or something so Louis doesn’t have to have him for another full night. But tonight we eat and then we’re not leaving the bedroom. We’re just not. Do we even need to eat?”

“Yes we do,” Zayn says with a laugh. “We don’t have to, but you’re going to complain in an hour or two that you’re hungry if you don’t so just eat and then worry about bedroom plans.”

“Right something to give us energy, lots of energy. Oh my god the whole apartment to ourselves that's all I needed, you’re forgiven, I wasn’t even angry but you’re forgiven.” 

“Oh my, calm down,” Zayn says. “Eat like a normal person, okay? We have plenty of time.” 

“Sorry,” Harry says, smiling brightly. “I just love alone time with you, I missed alone time with you. We’ve needed alone time.”

“Yeah we did,” Zayn agrees. “But first let’s enjoy an alone meal before we enjoy an alone bedroom.”


	12. Chapter 12

Zayn looks at the clothes Harry threw on the bed, examining the outfits and shrugging when he realizes that Harry didn’t do a bad job of grabbing random clothes out of Zayn’s closet as he shoved him out of his apartment and into the car so they could get ready at Harry’s house. 

“Are you sure we don’t need to dress up? Last time everyone was wearing fancy dresses and suits,” Zayn says, holding up the white, long-sleeved Henley in his pile. 

Harry exits the bathroom, brushing his curls to the side. “I’m positive,” he says, fixing the collar of his blazer. He’s wearing dark wash denim jeans with a powder blue t-shirt, and a light grey blazer that matches the same texture and pattern of his shirt. He looks far too casual to be going to a work event, especially when last time he was wearing a full suit with a tie. “Taylor wanted to have everyone at the label together for a dinner. She specifically said that she really doesn’t care what anyone wears but formal casual is best. I think jeans and a shirt with a blazer is the closest that I could get.” 

“Yeah, well, you look good,” Zayn says, pulling on his own pair of dark wash jeans. He pulls the Henley on, leaving the sleeves down instead of rolling them up as he slides on his leather jacket. “Leather is hardly formal.” 

“Maybe not, but you look sexy,” Harry says, smiling widely. “Which is a bit unfair but I’m not complaining.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” Zayn says, pulling on a pair of boots. “Are you sure that I look all right?”

“Yes,” Harry says. “You could wear a pile of garbage and no one would say anything, because look at you, you’re perfect. You’re gorgeous, you’re beautiful, you’re wonderful, and lovely and you have nothing to worry about. Besides, everyone will probably be drunk by the time we get there or on his or her way to drunk. No one knows who you are, besides me, Taylor, Liam, Ed and Nick.”

“Liam’s going to be there?”

“He does work there,” Harry says slowly before sighing. “I know you’re doing the whole, best friend anger thing because of what happened between him and Louis, but Liam isn’t the only one to blame. And Louis doesn’t have a monopoly on being upset about what happened, just because Liam broke up with him doesn’t mean he’s heartless and doesn’t feel anything.” 

“I wasn’t asking because I hate him,” Zayn says. “I’m not even angry with him. Just…put your shoes on.” 

Harry smiles, shaking his head at Zayn. “They’re already on.”

“Well…good,” Zayn says, trying not to smile at the look Harry is giving him. “Oh fine, you’re right. For once. I’ll be nice to Liam, and everyone else. I wasn’t going to be mean to him, I just didn’t realize he’d be there, although I should have. But it’ll give me someone to talk to when you’re off charming people.”

“Even if I charmed them you’re the only one I want to go home with,” Harry says. 

“Good,” Zayn says, feeling himself smile at Harry’s admission. He looks at him for a moment, shaking his head as Harry continues to grin at him. He’s about to say something about how they should get going when Niall enters the room, running full speed, chasing after Kitty; he comes to a halt when he sees Zayn and Harry in the bedroom. He glances at them, muttering a quiet, “wow.”

“Niall, baby, what are you doing?” Zayn asks. 

Niall takes a few steps towards him until he’s standing directly in front of Zayn. “Play hide seek.” 

“You’re playing hide and seek? With who?”

“Cat, Kitty,” Niall says. 

Zayn can see Harry smirking as he leans against the doorway of the bathroom, folding his arms over his chest. “Whose it?” Harry asks. 

“Cat,” Niall says. 

“Of course,” Zayn says, laughing lightly at Niall. “Is Uncle Louis still cooking your dinner?” Niall nods, leaning against the bed. “You know that we’re going out tonight, right?”

“But we’re coming home, so when you wake up we’ll be here,” Harry says, walking over to stand at the foot of the bed. 

“Why?” Niall asks, there’s no malice in his voice to show he’s angry about the fact they’re leaving, only curiosity as he stares up at them. 

“Daddy has a work party, and Baba is going to go with him, but little boys can’t go so you have to stay here with Uncle Louis, that’s okay right?” Zayn explains, watching Niall carefully. Niall nods at him, brushing his cheek against the blanket on the bed. “Can you tell Baba if he looks okay?”

Niall stops, staring up at Zayn as he takes in everything he’s wearing. He smiles up at him, crinkling his nose and his eyes, showing off some of his little teeth. “Like Baba.”

“I look like Baba,” Zayn says, reaching down to stroke his fingers through Niall’s hair. 

“That’s the best compliment I’ve ever heard,” Harry says. 

“Is it?” Zayn says, glancing at Harry. 

Harry smiles and nods his head. “I fell in love with Baba so I love when you look like him.” 

Zayn blushes, shaking his head at Harry. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Love, Baba,” Niall says, holding his arms in the air to be picked up. 

Zayn bends over, pulling Niall into his arms. “Baba loves you,” he says, kissing Niall on the cheek. 

“And Daddy,” Niall says.

“Yeah, Baba loves Daddy, too.”

Harry smiles at him, sending him a wink before turning to address Niall. “How do I look?”

Niall glances over towards Harry, looking him up and down like he did with Zayn. “Like Daddy. Baba?”

“You look perfect. You’re gorgeous, you’re beautiful, you’re wonderful, and lovely and you have nothing to worry about,” Zayn says, teasingly, quoting Harry from a few short minutes ago.

“I know,” Harry says, leaning over the bed to press a kiss to Zayn’s lips. “And, I love you for noticing.” He presses a kiss to Niall’s cheek. “And I love you, too.”

~~~ 

Zayn enters the party clutching Harry’s hand. It appears to be in full swing when they arrive, people walking past them, shouting their greetings when they see Harry. The room is almost completely glass, floor to ceiling windows with fancy chandeliers. Zayn’s never been anywhere like this before and he does feel slightly under dressed when he sees some of the dresses that the girls are wearing. He feels better though when he spots Nick and Ed, both wearing jeans and t-shirts. 

Harry pulls him through the party, stopping to introduce Zayn to everyone that bothers to look their way. It’s easy, and surprisingly a lot more laid back than the last event that Harry drug him to, the one where he spent the night plastered to Nick’s side and barely paid attention to Zayn. Tonight though, he doesn’t seem to want to let go, he’s only letting go of Zayn’s hand to wrap his arm around his waist. 

“Do you want something to drink?” Harry asks, turning his body slightly so he can whisper the words in Zayn’s ear. 

“Yeah,” Zayn says, nodding his head. 

“I’ll be right back,” Harry says, leaning in to press a kiss to Zayn’s cheek before making his way through the crowd. 

Zayn watches him go, looking around for a place to sit. He sees Liam, sitting at one of the tables alone, taking careful sips of his own drink. Zayn makes his way towards him, dropping down in the chair next to him with a smile. 

“You look like you’re thrilled to be here,” Zayn says. 

Liam smiles, setting his glass down on the table. Zayn looks at him taking note of the blue button up shirt with the white dots, the simple navy cardigan over that, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He’s wearing jeans, like he and Harry, and it makes Zayn relax to know that someone else is dressed casually.

“Should have known that Harry would bring you,” Liam says. “And I am thrilled, but I came with Nick and Ed and both of them were drinking before we got here and were getting handsy in the backseat of my car.” 

“Well good thing you’re so good at dealing with drunk people,” Zayn says, subtlety hinting at the fact that Liam showed up at Harry’s house to take care of drunken Louis. 

Liam frowns, confused as he stares at Zayn. “What are you talking about?”

“I brought drinks,” Harry says, slipping in next to Zayn and passing him a beer. He settles into his chair, pulling it closer to Zayn, wrapping an arm around the back of his chair. 

~~~ 

They’ve been at the party for over an hour, not bothering to leave their little corner with Liam as the music gets louder and everyone begins to create their own make shift dance floor, shoving tables out of the way to make it bigger. Zayn’s perfectly happy spending the party at this very table, leaning into Harry’s side and talking to Liam but he can tell that Harry is beginning to get shifty. Unlike himself, Harry is a people person and thrives on his interactions with others. Zayn can practically feel the energy rolling off of Harry as his leg shakes, obviously bored of only watching the crowd closely as people laugh and carry on. Zayn follows Harry’s gaze noticing that he’s fixated on the spot where Taylor, Nick, and Ed are all gathered around in one place, dancing, drinking and having a good time. 

“Go,” Zayn says, smiling at Harry. 

“What?” Harry says, turning to look at Zayn. “Go where?”

“Go over there and talk to Nick, you’ve been staring at him for the last five minutes. Go. I’ll be here with Liam.”

Harry bites his lips, looking back over towards Nick before looking at Zayn again. “Are you sure?”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Positive. Nick and I still don’t have anything to talk about, and just because we came together doesn’t mean we need to stay together. I’ll see you tonight, and every day after that so just go, besides someone needs to stop Liam from making that pathetic little puppy face he was doing before I sat over here.” 

Harry smiles, leaning forward to brush his lips against Zayn’s. “Love you,” he says before making his way across the room. Zayn watches him go, shaking his head at him. 

“Looks like you two are doing good. Although, I shouldn’t be surprised, Harry talks about you every day, and Niall…and Louis,” Liam says after a moment. 

“Yeah, we are,” Zayn says, studying Liam carefully. “How are you doing?”

“Why do you ask?”

“It’s usually a question someone asks when talking to another person, it’s pretty common I’d say. I think it probably started decades ago, but if you’re asking why I want to know, personally, it’s because you look like someone hasn’t asked you that in weeks, probably months.”

“I’m fine,” Liam says. “I’d rather not be here, to be honest with you. Parties were never really my scene. I only ever went to them because Louis loved them so much, kind of like how you’re only here because Harry loves these kinds of things and he avoids going to them because you don’t like them.”

“I don’t tell Harry that he can’t go out,” Zayn says, frowning. 

“I didn’t say you did, but Zayn, come on, these parties happen every week. Every week people get together in order to drink and do whatever this is. I only came this week because it’s Taylor who’s throwing it, and she’s someone I’m directly working with, just like I’d come if Harry threw one. Probably not for Ed or Nick, but they wouldn’t miss me.”

“Harry never said these happened every week.” 

“Every week people try and convince him to go but instead he goes home with you and spends time with you and Niall, which is fine. I’m only saying that maybe you should try and compromise with him more often, believe me every relationship needs compromise.”

Zayn frowns, turning away from Liam to glance over in Harry’s direction, he’s over on the other side of the room, bouncing around with Nick on the dance floor. Taylor is behind them, her arms draped around Ed as they sway to the music. Everyone looks happy and Zayn feels a pang of guilt in his chest, like, maybe he’s been keeping Harry from having a good time. 

“I’ve never told him that he couldn’t go,” Zayn says. “I didn’t even know that this happened that often. He never said anything.”

“Maybe he didn’t want to make you mad or want you think that he didn’t want to be around you. Or maybe he didn’t want you to get suspicious that he’s out with Nick, Ed and Taylor every weekend.”

“How much have you had to drink?” Zayn asks, turning to look at Liam with a glare. He’s being an asshole, and Zayn knows that he hasn’t done anything wrong, he’s not holding Harry back from anything. 

Liam shrugs, gesturing towards the empty glasses that are littering the table. “More than enough.”

“I can tell,” Zayn says, folding his arms over his chest. 

It’s fifteen minutes until Harry comes back over towards him, cheeks flushes and happy, holding his arms out for Zayn. He grabs a hold of him, pulling him out of the chair. He doesn’t stop until they’re in the middle of the dance floor, wrapping his arms around Zayn and tugging him forward until they’re pressed together. 

Zayn complies, wrapping his arms around Harry and allowing him to move their bodies to the music that is going far too fast for the way they’re dancing. “What happened to Nick, and Taylor, and Ed?”

“They’re not as cute as you,” Harry says, smiling widely. “Ed and Nick are having some kind of competition.”

“Yeah, what kind?” 

“The kind where they see who can make who more jealous, that’s why Ed is letting Taylor hang on him so much and why Nick is hanging all over the other Taylor, the tan one, Taylor’s boyfriend.”

Zayn frowns, feeling oddly confused. He glances over towards Nick and sees him draping himself over with caramel colored skin, darker than Zayn’s, a puppy face like Liam’s. His muscles are big, they look like they’re about to burst out of his black shirt. “Taylor is dating Taylor?”

Harry nods. “Told you she was harmless,” Harry says. “They’ve been together for ages.”

“She’s still oddly touchy,” Zayn says, remembering the way she had draped herself over Harry, watching the way that she dances with Ed. 

“Maybe, but nothing to worry about. I think what we need to worry about is this dance, and all the others that I plan to make you dance with me tonight,” Harry says. 

Zayn sighs, knowing that he won’t be able to get out of it, but also feeling happy that Harry wants to spend time with him in a crowded room full of a hundred other people. 

~~~

“Harry, can I ask you something?” Zayn asks, lifting his head off Harry’s shoulder to look into his eyes. They’re back at home, having left the party an hour after Harry had pulled Zayn onto the dance floor, forcing him to dance with him. He hadn’t said anything to Harry about what Liam said to him, didn’t want to ruin the mood. Harry was so happy and Zayn couldn’t find him in it to ruin that, didn’t even want to think about wiping the smile off of Harry’s face. But he had thought about it all night, wondered if he was keeping Harry from doing the things that he wanted to do, if somehow he was being controlling without meaning to be. Maybe he really is holding Harry back. 

“What is it?” Harry asks, opening his eyes to look at Zayn. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just something that Liam said, it’s been bothering me. He said that you guys have these work parties every week. He said you’re always saying you can’t go because of me. He kind of implied that you might think you can’t do the things that you like because of me or because I don’t like them. Is that—is that true?” Zayn asks, biting his lip as he looks at Harry. 

“What are you talking about?” Harry asks. 

“Liam made it seem like maybe I’m forcing you into only doing what I want and if that’s the case then I’m sorry and I want you to go out with your friends to your work parties even if I don’t want to go.”

“No, I don’t want to go out every weekend.”

“But you like going out,” Zayn says, trying to reason with Harry. 

“I also like sex,” Harry says. 

“We have sex,” Zayn says, sitting up to look at Harry. “We’ve had sex three times in the last twenty four hours. Is that not enough for you? Or am I supposed to bend over or bend you over every hour of the day?” 

“No, stop,” Harry says, shaking his head and reaching out for Zayn, grabbing onto his arm to gently pull him back down next to him. “I’m not complaining about our sex life. You didn’t let me finish. I like going out, I like going to parties and seeing people, but I don’t have to do it all the time in order to be happy. I felt like going out so I mentioned this one. I don’t need to do everything I like all the time. Sex is an example, probably not the best example, but I like sex, I like sex with you, but I don’t need to be constantly having sex with you in order to be happy. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Zayn shakes his head. 

“Okay,” Harry says, sitting up. “You’re worried that you’re keeping me from going out and having a good time, but you’re not because I have a good time with you even when we’re locked in your apartment, even when I’m stuck reading the same children’s story fourteen times in a row and have to watch another cartoon. I’m happy with you, but if I feel like I need to go out then I will. You’re not holding me back from being happy.”

“Are you sure?” Zayn asks, wanting to make sure. 

“Do you want me to explain it to you again? Fine, I love you, and that’s enough. Now shut up and cuddle, because I’m tired and like you always say, there is a toddler that’s going to be in here in a few hours and I want to sleep.”

Zayn smiles, leaning up to kiss Harry on the lips, he pulls away, staring at Harry for a moment before shifting around so he can put his head on Harry’s chest. He settles into the bed once more, closing his eyes as he listens to the hammering of Harry’s heart.


	13. Chapter 13

“Harry,” Zayn sings, rubbing Harry’s back as he tries to coax him out of sleep. He’s sitting on the edge of Harry’s bed, fully dressed and ready for work, watching as Harry snores into his pillow. He leans down and presses a kiss to Harry’s hairline, shaking him slightly with the hand on his back. “Harry.”

“Hmm,” Harry hums, rolling over slightly and blinking up at Zayn. 

“Louis and I have to work so I’m going to leave Niall with you, is that okay? I can take him to day care,” Zayn says, carding his fingers through Harry’s curls. 

“No, no it’s fine, he can stay here. God, what time is it?” Harry says, kicking the blankets off his body. 

“Almost ten,” Zayn replies, helping Harry out of bed, he doesn’t get very far, stopping to sit next to Zayn, head resting on his shoulder. “Louis gets off before I do so he’ll be here before me, or maybe not. Actually not, shit, sorry. He was just telling me that he has to do something tonight but then he’s going to pick me up and we’ll be here by dinner. Do you want me to get something or are you going to cook?”

“I’ll cook,” Harry says, leaning over to kiss Zayn on the cheek before he stands up and makes his way towards the dresser, pulling out a shirt and putting it on. “I’m not really in the mood for take out and you’re eating lunch at the diner so I’ll cook. Are you sure that you don’t want us to meet you at your place?” 

“No, it’s fine. I don’t have to go in for the next few days and I know you have time off since Taylor is—I don’t remember where she said she was going last night, but she won’t be here and I figured we could just stay here. I’ll give you a warning when we’re on our way.”

“Fine, fine,” Harry says, waving Zayn off. He glances around the room for a moment, looking like he’s trying to figure something out before he walks back to the bed and drops down face first into the pillows. 

“What are you doing?” Zayn asks, standing up from the bed so he can put his shoes on. 

“Sleeping,” Harry murmurs, voice muffled from the pillows. 

“Niall’s in the kitchen eating breakfast, you can’t sleep.”

Harry groans, pulling himself out of bed once again. “I knew there was something or someone that I needed to find. Right, well I’m up.” 

Zayn laughs shaking his head at Harry as they leave the bedroom to head downstairs. 

~~~

Work is slow, Zayn feels sluggish as he leans against the counter, staring blankly at the door that no one has walked through for an hour. 

“Lou, can we eat now?” Zayn asks, turning around to peek at Louis, sighing in relief when he sees his best friend with two plates of food already in hand. “Holy shit, I love you. I’m starved.”

Zayn makes his away around the counter, dropping down in the booth next to the door that he and Louis always eat at. Louis is close behind him, passing him a plate of some kind of pasta that he’s never seen made before in the diner. His stomach rumbles at the sight, already fiddling with the fork so he can begin eating. Louis drops down across from him, making yummy noises as he eyes the food. 

“I ordered this from the place a few blocks over and then put it on our dishes so we wouldn’t get in trouble for advertising another place,” Louis says proudly. “Not like anyone would know, but still.”

“This is beyond good,” Zayn says around a mouthful of noodles. 

Louis laughs at him, rolling his eyes as he takes a bite of his own. “How was Harry’s work party? You two got in pretty late.”

“It was actually really fun. I was nervous at first because the last time we went to one of those things, Harry ignored me and we got into a little fight but last night was great. He made me dance with him for a while, which…not in my comfort zone but it made him happy,” Zayn says with a shrug. 

“How were you around Taylor?”

“She has a boyfriend,” Zayn says, remembering the way Taylor and her boyfriend hung on each other the entire night with Ed and Nick hanging on the two of them as well. “His name is Taylor too and he’s hot.”

“Hotter than Harry?”

Zayn snorts, shaking his head as he takes another bite of food. “Not quite, but he was nice enough. I did feel a little silly though having pretty much snapped at Harry’s work over how much she was touching him only to find out she has a boyfriend that she looked pretty much head over heels for.” 

“I’m glad you had fun,” Louis says, smiling at Zayn. “How was Liam?”

Zayn sighs, he knew that the question was coming but he really didn’t want to have to answer it and explain to Louis anything about what happened with Liam, he wanted to wait or perhaps just avoid it all together. 

“What happened?” Louis asks, eyeing him carefully. 

“Nothing,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “Liam was…a bit out of it. He seemed drunk and was being a little snappish. He kept implying that I don’t let Harry do anything and that I keep Harry from having a good time on the weekends when his work throws parties. I didn’t even know that they happened weekly; Harry never said anything. Did you know they happened weekly?”

Louis shakes his head. “I knew that they happened often, Liam and I used to go to them every couple weeks, but I didn’t know that. And fuck Liam. If Harry wanted to go out and hang out with his work friends then he’d tell you. He’s holding himself back if anything.” 

“Maybe,” Zayn says wistfully. “I’m going to try and convince to go out more often. Not like every night, but just try and encourage him to do things with other people, not just me. I don’t want, down the line or whatever, for him to resent me because he didn’t do enough of what he wanted.”

“Harry’s happy. Maybe he would like to go out more often but he can’t blame you when he’s never bothered to tell you that he’s going to break that weird domestic routine that the two of you have so he can go out for the night. He’s happily take Niall if you and I wanted to go do something, and I’m sure he knows that you’d just as happy to have a night alone with your son while he goes out,” Louis says. 

“Possibly. I’ll talk to him more about it tonight. I tried to last night but I never fully explained that I wanted him to go out and have fun and to do things like he used to, not like he used to when he was single but everything else is good.” 

“Well, that’s good, you should tell him that but don’t let Liam make you question your relationship.”

“I’m not. Okay, I won’t anymore,” Zayn adds, taking note of the look Louis is giving him. “He seemed sad or maybe just angry. I can’t remember the last time that I saw him drunk.” 

Louis shrugs. “I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him in at least a week.” 

“You’re talking to him?”

“Not anymore,” Louis says casually, twirling his fork around in his lunch. “We talked a couple times about what happened and about life, I guess. I think some people call it closure when they talk to their ex about the break up a little while after it’s happened.”

“Closure,” Zayn tests, watching his friend carefully, trying to catch any signs of a negative emotion in Louis’ features as he talks. 

“Yeah, closure. We’ve talked a couple times about the break up and why it happened and how we feel about it and where we want to be with each other.”

“And what happened? I mean, can you even be friends with Liam after all of this?”

“I don’t know,” Louis says, shrugging. “I’m not sure that he’d want to be friends, and I agree with him on that end. The relationship is over and we just made sure that we were both on the same page.”

“Shit, Louis. Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” Louis says, finally looking up at Zayn. “It was nice to get closure when I’m not drunk or hung over. He contacted me about it, and everything was fine. I don’t see how I would be the source of his sadness, anger, or drinking.”

“I didn’t say that you were. I just thought maybe you would know since,” Zayn trails off, shrugging his shoulders, not wanting to push the subject and mention how things would have ended differently if Louis hadn’t have been so stubborn. 

“Since what?” 

“Since the break up.”

“Since I told Liam that I didn’t want to get married or have kids you mean?”

“I didn’t say that,” Zayn says.

“I know what I did,” Louis says, glaring at Zayn. “I know that the reason Liam and I broke up is because of me. I know that, and I don’t need you or anyone else telling me that and reminding me of it. I fucking know what I did. I just don’t want the same things that he wants. And that’s fine. I’m fine. I’m over it. I’ve moved on from Liam Payne, and he wants to be an asshole to people at work parties and drink his fucking life away then that’s his problem because he’s not my problem anymore. He’ll find someone and he’ll be happy again. I know what I did and my part in the break up, I don’t, however, know why Liam would be a drunken asshole.”

“I didn’t say anything about it being your fault or accusing you of anything. And what do you mean you’ve moved on?” Zayn asks. 

“I mean I’ve moved on. Listen, I’m cutting out of here early. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’ll pick you up at six,” Louis says, throwing his napkin on the table. 

“Louis, wait. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Zayn says, watching frantically as Louis slides out of the booth. 

“I know,” Louis says, turning to look at Zayn. “And you didn’t. I’m fine. I just—I don’t like being reminded of the past and everything that I did wrong, because I know, and I’ve apologized to Liam about it a million different times. I don’t know what else I can do to make things right, but I’ve accepted it. This is what happened and I’ve accepted it, and I just don’t want to be constantly reminded that I fucked up. Maybe I deserve to be constantly reminded, by someone else, but not by you.” 

“I’m sorry,” Zayn says, frowning sadly at his best friend. “I swear that I didn’t mean to make you feel badly and to remind you about it. I’m so sorry.”

Louis smiles. “It’s all right,” he says, leaning down to drop a kiss to Zayn’s forehead. “I’ll see you at six. I just need to get out of here and no one is even coming in and Martin gets in a half hour and he can handle the kitchen alone.”

“Yeah, all right,” Zayn says, watching his best friend turn around and leave the diner.

~~~ 

Zayn’s bouncing around his apartment, fresh out of the shower, hair damp as he bustles around trying to pack a few clothes for Harry’s. He’s already grabbed a few things for Niall even though Harry has enough of everything to keep him happy, Zayn doesn’t want chance anything. He packed Lion and Bear, Monkey already at Harry’s, along with Niall’s lion blanket. 

He rummages through his closet, trying to find a pair of jeans for the next day since he’s not sure if he’s left any clean pairs over at Harry’s house. He finds some, grabbing them and shoving them into his bag, leaving his closet to go and get some shirts out of his dresser. He’s almost finished when he hears someone at his front door. He throws a couple more shirts in the bag before zipping it closed. 

He leaves the bag on his bed, making his way out of his room to go and open the door. He glances at the clock and sees that it’s when Louis said he would be here. He pulls out his phone, quickly typing out a message to Harry that reads, _Louis just got here, be there soon._

When he pulls the door open he sees Louis but he also sees that he’s not alone. He glances at the pair of them, making note of the way their arms are looped together, the way they’re leaning into each other. Louis’ words from the diner jump back to the forefront of his mind, when Louis had said he’s moved on from Liam and he’s fine. Zayn stills as he remembers the words, he feels nauseous as he thinks about it and looks at the way they’re touching. 

“Holy shit,” Zayn breathes out, leaning against the door for support. “Louis, is this, like—fuck, are you seriously—are you with them, like, are you dating them?”


	14. Chapter 14

“Louis, answer me,” Zayn demands, growing impatient and beginning to get slightly frustrated. “What the hell is going on?” 

Zayn waits for Louis to answer, sees him laugh lightly before he says, “Can we just come in?”

“No, I’d like to know what’s going on before I allow you, and you alone to come into my apartment. Besides there are plenty of things that we need to do tonight, I need to go somewhere, and be somewhere right about now, and this is wasting my time so just tell me what’s going on.”

“Zayn, just let us come inside,” Louis says, stepping forward, his arm falling out of the hold it was just in to reach out and try and push the door open a bit.

Zayn sighs, stepping aside and allowing both into his apartment, he closes the door behind them, taking a deep breath before he turns around to face them. They're both looking at him like he's going to explode, like he's some kind of wild animal on display and they're poking and prodding him, waiting for a reaction that even Zayn knows is about to come. He feels panicked, wild even, like he's lost control of his entire world with just the sight of Amber. 

"I'll be right back," Zayn says, needing to leave the room and at least level his breathing and calm his heart rate, both of which are both elevated and reaches rates that he knows are dangerous. “I just, I need to call Harry." 

Zayn rushes past them, heading towards his bedroom before either of them can protest. He pulls his phone out of his pocket when he reaches his bedroom, closing the door behind him, and dials Harry's number. It rings twice before he hears the sound of Harry's voice. 

"Hi, babe, are you and Louis on your way back?" 

"No," Zayn says, shaking his head even though he knows that Harry can't see him. "Louis, he's here...fuck, Amber's here with him. I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do." 

There's a pause, a moment where Zayn can only hear the sound of Harry's breathing and it works well enough to calm him down, but only just slightly. It’s enough to take away the edge, but not enough to calm him completely. The pause is broken when he hears, "Um, okay. Hold on" 

It goes quiet again but Zayn can hear Harry talking to Niall, asking him if he wants some juice, and Niall's voice as he replies, rattling off instructions to Harry about what kind of juice he wants and how Cat and Kitty are thirsty too. He works on calming himself down and ridding his body of the panic he feels coursing through his blood, being able to hear Niall and listen to the sound of his voice works better than any breathing exercise he could try right now. 

"Amber, as in?"

"Niall's mom, yeah," Zayn says, falling back on the bed, bringing a hand up to rub at his temples. 

"Shit. What's going on? Why is she there?"

"I don't know why, Louis brought her here. I opened my door and they're standing there with their arms wrapped together in some kind of bullshit hold, and just earlier he was telling me that he's moved on from Liam and I asked if they were dating because why else would have his arms wrapped around hers, and he didn't answer, instead he forced himself into my apartment. She's out there right now, and I don't know what to do." 

"Okay, take a deep breath," Harry instructs. "I know that you're probably panicking, but you need to remain calm. You don't know why she's there, and Louis--Louis wouldn't do something like that to you...I don't think. Fuck, you have to go out there and see what she wants."

"I don't--I'm scared," Zayn admits, biting the inside of his cheek. "I don't want her near Niall or to know about Niall. I don't...I don't want it, and it might not be fair of me to decide any of this but she left him and she doesn't get to just come back."

"I know that," Harry says. "I'm not going to disagree with you, at all. And I know that you're scared but you have to talk to her because she's in your living room right now, sitting on your couch with Louis and she's not going anywhere until you go out there."

Zayn sighs, knowing that Harry is right. He has to talk to Amber, he's always wanted to talk to her but never thought he'd have the chance, and after two and a half years she's in his apartment, a place she's only seen a few times. "Can you keep Niall with you? Just, stay inside and keep him with you, please."

"Yeah, of course I will, Zayn. I know that it's hard, well, I don't know but I'd imagine. Just, go out there and talk to her, and try to remember that Niall is yours, yeah? He's yours and you've raised him, no one can take that away from you, not even her."

"Yeah, all right, okay. I’ll call you when it’s over,” Zayn says, hanging up his phone and slipping it back into his pocket. He remains lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as he tries to gather the courage to walk out of his bedroom to go and confront the woman who walked out of his son's life when he was just a baby. He's sitting up slowly when a light knock comes from his door. Louis is pushing it open, smiling at him softly.

"Planning my death?" Louis jokes, walking across the room and sitting down on the bed next to Zayn.

"I should be but," Zayn trails off, waving his hand around in the air. 

“I’m not dating her,” Louis says. “For several reasons, one, because you’re my best friend and she’s Niall’s absentee mother, two, because I’m gay. Those are the most important ones so I’ll spare you the rest that I thought of while you were in here talking to Harry but most of which are just different ways of saying those two.”

“If you’re not dating her then why did you bring her here and why were you touching her like that?”

“Why do you think? I called her,” Louis says, sitting down on the bed next to Zayn. “You have a lot of questions that deserve answers and she has those answers. It took weeks but I got in touch with her, talked with her, and convinced her to come down here. You and I both don’t know what the outcome of all of this will be, but she’s just as scared as you are.” 

"I'm not...fuck, I don't want to do this. You didn't even give me a choice."

"And I’m sorry about that, I had no right to decide this for you, but you'd have said no and then spent Niall's entire life wondering why his mother left him and then when he asks you you'll have nothing to say to him and that'll kill you. I know it will. He's going to know that one-day he came from a woman, and he's going to wonder why he doesn't see her but he sees you and he sees Harry. But more importantly, you're going to have the thought that you might not be his biological father eating away at you for the rest of your life. You've already freaked out on Harry for it once so I went out and found her because you don't deserve to wonder any of those things. You deserve answers." 

"And what if I'm not his father?" Zayn asks, tilting his head up to look at Louis. 

"Is that really going to change anything? Sometimes sharing blood doesn't make you a father. Do Harry and Niall share a DNA? No, and it hasn't stopped him. You're Niall's biological father whether she confirms it or not. But I know that you're scared, but I also know that some part of you wants to find out, maybe not that one but the rest of it. You don't have to ask her anything, maybe just listen? I know she wants to talk to you."

"I wish I could hate you," Zayn says, taking a deep breath. 

"I know you do," Louis says, knocking his shoulder into Zayn's. "And I don't blame you at all. I should have asked. Or, I probably should have just stayed out of it but after you got upset with Harry about that lady...I just thought maybe this would help. You don't deserve to have arguments with Harry because of any kind of insecurity you might have about the fact you don't look like your son."

Zayn looks at Louis, nodding as he processes what he just said; he takes a deep breath and pulls himself of the bed. "All right, lets go before I change my mind." 

"I'm right here with you, remember that," Louis says, standing up and holding the door open for Zayn. 

Zayn follows Louis down the hall, back into the living room where Amber stands, holding a photograph from the end table. Zayn knows which picture it is, can tell just by looking at the back of the frame, it's Niall, of course, one of just him alone. It's one taken on his birthday, the little guitar Ed got him draped over his shoulders. It means she's seen the pictures standing next to it, the one of Niall and Harry taking a nap together, and the one of the three of them cramped together on the couch one night when Harry wanted to take a picture. They're private moments into Zayn's life, moments that he doesn't want Amber to see, even if they are on display for the world.

“You don’t have any right to see that,” Zayn says, snatching the picture out of Amber’s hands, putting it back where it’s supposed to be. His skin is crawling, he wants to race around his apartment and hide every trace of Niall that exists. He doesn’t want Amber to see any clues about Niall’s life, because she left it, and Zayn will be damned if she gets to experience any of it, even just fleeting moments as she stands in his apartment. “You shouldn’t even be in my apartment. Why are you here?”

Amber looks at him patiently, taking a step back from the end table with the framed photographs. Zayn takes a moment to look at her, taking in the loose fit of her clothing against her pale skin. Her skin isn’t as light as Niall’s, her cheeks missing the permanent flush of their son’s. Her hair is longer now, draped down to the middle of her back, a light shade of brown with a slight wave to it. He doesn’t look into her eyes, not ready to see the blue that he knows was passed on to Niall.

"Let's talk in the kitchen," Louis says, motioning over his shoulder. “I’ll make some tea.” 

Zayn follows him, hearing as Amber walks close behind. He has to move toys and drawings that Niall did off of the table, trying to keep his hands busy and trying to keep Niall protected from Amber.

Zayn doesn’t sit down until the tea is finished, finding random things to move around in the kitchen, not wanting to be forced to talk with Amber or even be around her, even if Louis is in the same room. 

“So,” Louis says, setting three cups out on the table and sitting down in one of the chairs that allows him to be in between Zayn and Amber. “I’ll leave if at any point you, Zayn, want me to and I won’t say anything unless someone tries to kill someone else. Basically I’m the referee.”

Zayn slides into his chair next to Louis, accepting the tea gratefully, clutching it with two hands and bringing it up to his mouth so he can blow on it. He stares at the table, studying the grain in the wood as he tries to figure out what to say to Amber. He’s thought about this day, dreamt about it and the way it would happen, none of which prepared him for her sitting directly in front of him. He always thought that it would happen sooner or not at all, that maybe it was just a distant fantasy about wanting to tell a woman off. 

“I think about him sometimes,” Amber says, breaking the silence. “What it would have been like if I had stuck around, how my life would have played out. What kind of person that he is, what he looks like, just imagining how different everything would have been.”

“You can’t see him,” Zayn says. “You don’t get to leave his life just to come back. I won’t allow it, I don’t care what anyone says.”

“I didn’t want to see him, I wanted to see you. Or, should I say that Louis here forced me into seeing you. He’s always been very good at making sure things play out his way, doing everything he can for you, to protect you, to keep you happy, to make sure you’re safe.” 

“So you’re here because Louis made you come,” Zayn says, rolling his eyes as he takes a drink from his cup. 

“Partially,” Amber admits. “I didn’t want to be harassed, to put it kindly, by Louis for as long as I lived. Plus, I owe you an explanation, I never gave you one.”

“An explanation for?” Zayn asks, knowing that she has a million different things to tell him but also because he doesn’t want to appear interested in anything she has to say. 

Amber sighs, reaching down to pick up her cup, taking a drink from it before she talks. “I did go on vacation with my family when I left you that day, to a small little island. We were supposed to be gone for a week, but then a week became two and then three and so on. I stayed there for a year, only coming back once to get my things.” 

“So you left your son because you found a nice a beach with pretty sand and some trees that only grow, like, six leaves?” Zayn says, taking a sip of his tea to try and keep his facial expressions controlled. 

“No,” Amber says, shaking her head. “I left because I didn’t belong here. I loved Niall, but I knew that being a mother wasn’t for me, it wasn’t something that I ever wanted for myself but it happened. I went through the entire pregnancy thinking that it’s what I wanted, because people told me it’s what I wanted. I never had any intentions on leaving him from the start of things, after he was born I promised myself that I’d stick around and be the best mother that I could but I never felt any of those magical feelings that other moms I knew had talked with me about. I never felt like a mother, and maybe I would have if I had stayed, but it’s too late to know that now. But when my parents went on a trip I decided to join, I told them that it was going to be a daddy-and-baby bonding week.”

Zayn looks at her a moment, realizing that nothing she says to him will ever help him understand why she left Niall, how she could leave Niall. It’s not his business to understand it, because it’s not his brain inside of her head making choices that he doesn’t agree with. He doesn’t care about her reasoning, and he doesn’t care to hear her story because it’s not Zayn that she owes the explanation to, it’s not Zayn that she did any of this to; it’s Niall. This is Niall’s story to hear if he ever wants to know but it’s not for Zayn and that’s something he’s realizing now that she’s here in front of him. He thought that he needed to hear all of this, but listening to it feels wrong. 

“It never mattered to me why you left,” Zayn says slowly, trying to think carefully as he talks. “I didn’t care about the reasons because you made your decision, and you’ve had to live with it. But I’ve had to live with it, too. I had to stay awake with him at night, barely sleeping then, taking him to my mother’s or Louis’ and going to work and coming back home and doing it all over again. I managed. It wasn’t easy. It’s always mothers that these things come easily to, having the natural instinct and connection but I took on that role and I wouldn’t change it. 

But apart of me wishes you would have just told me about it, had told me that you couldn’t do it anymore, because I’ll never have anything to tell him other than you just didn’t want it, you didn’t want him or the responsibility, which is fine, in the long run you saved him from a lot of pain. Maybe one day it’ll hurt him to know, and I have to be the one to break his heart that day, not you and that’s why I’m angry at you for leaving, and that’s why I don’t care to hear your story that you’ve come up on the way here. 

I’m not angry for any other reasons, because you didn’t leave me; if it weren’t for Niall we wouldn’t have talked much to begin with after that night. But it matters that you left him, not as much as it should. He’s happy and there isn’t anything missing from his life, he has everything he needs including people, and I hope that’s enough for when he grows up, because he’s the most amazing child and I feel so incredibly sorry for you that you’ve missed out on meeting him and watching him grow.”

“I can’t take back what I did, we both know that neither of us wants that. We’d both be living different lives right now and who knows how Niall would have turned out. I wish I could regret what I did properly, but I don’t. It was for the best, for everyone. But, I will say that I am sorry for what I did to him. It shouldn't have happened, but it did and I’m happy I did it when he would never remember me instead of when he was older, because it would have happened eventually.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry,” Zayn says, shaking his head. 

“Then what do you want?” Amber asks, sitting forward in her chair. 

Zayn thinks for a moment, trying to think about what he wants, what Amber can give him or tell him. He knows without thinking too long or too hard what it is he wants to know most, has always wanted to know. 

“I want to know if I’m Niall’s biological father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Louis doesn't have a new boyfriend or girlfriend, I lied to throw you off my trail ^_^ Sorry for any panic I caused.


	15. Chapter 15

Amber looks at Zayn, smiling sadly as she lets out a deep breath. “It must be horrible, looking at your own child and wondering if you helped contribute to the wonderful, beautiful little boy in your arms.”

“You don’t even know him,” Zayn says, glaring at Amber. 

“I don’t, but ask Louis about him and he’ll talk for hours. I learned enough just from listening to him talk, looking at your pictures, sitting here with you, and also, because I know the type of person you are, and I know that you’ve done a good job raising him.”

Louis has the decency to blush when Zayn turns to look at him, rolling his eyes at his best friend. 

“Two and a half years old and he has the world wrapped around his little finger. I’d imagine it takes an amazing little boy to be able to do that,” Amber says, smiling into her teacup. “And it must be awful for you to worry about that. I don’t know why you would worry about that, when you’re raising him and to him you’re the father.”

“He looks nothing like me,” Zayn says, not feeling very convinced, annoyed that Amber isn’t giving him a straight answer. 

“You’re multiracial,” Amber says. “You look exactly like your father, but your mother’s skin is light, her eyes are darker than yours but if I remember correctly then I know that her sister has blue eyes. And while your mother’s skin might not be as light as mine, or nearly as pale as Niall’s, from what I gathered based on the photographs, but that doesn’t change the fact that you have the ability in you to produce a pale, light haired, light eyed child. I’ll admit that it is a little shocking to see, knowing that your features are much darker than his, but he’s yours. 

I spent my entire pregnancy thinking that he would exactly like you, dark hair, beautifully tanned skin, everything. I thought the same thing while I was away that he’d have black hair, that he’d be the spitting image of you. I mean, he came out so pale and light but babies change as they grow up. I don’t know, I really can’t explain the way he looks to you, but I wasn’t with anyone else and this is the only explanation that I give to you.” 

“So Niall…”

“Is yours,” Amber finishes. 

“Holy shit,” Zayn breathes out, dropping his head in his hands, breathing a sigh of relief. He hears Louis mumble an ‘I told you so’ under his breath and Zayn really can’t blame him. He feels stupid for doubting it, but knew regardless of the answer that Niall was his in some way if not every way. He feels like he could cry from relief, from happiness, feels as his worries chip away from the back of his mind. “You don’t know how much—that's honestly the greatest—thank you.” 

“I’m happy to have helped,” Amber says. “But now that we have that out, it’s probably best that I leave. It’s a long way back to my own house and I’ve told you everything that needed to be said.”

“Thank you,” Zayn says. 

Amber nods her head, smiles at him before she says, “I saw in your pictures that you’re with someone now, the boy with the curls and smile.” 

Zayn nods. “Yes, I am,” he says, thinking about the photographs Amber was looking at when he exited the bedroom, the ones that give evidence to family he has, the relationship he’s in. 

“It looks like he’s close with Niall, from what I can tell he really cares about him.” Zayn nods again, wondering why Amber is inquiring about Harry. “Good, then my leaving wasn’t the worst thing.”

“How wasn’t it a bad thing?” Zayn asks confused, his eyebrows burrowing together. “You walked out on your son, a child, no. No. Niall was a baby and you left him. That’s not a good thing.”

“If I had stayed do you think that you or your son would have that man in your lives? You wouldn’t. The day I left lead you both down a different path, one that intersected with his. I know it seems like the worst thing for Niall to not have me around but it’s not, and he’ll see that when he’s older. I know you see it,” Amber says, standing up from the chair. 

“Maybe I do, and maybe he will too but if he doesn’t, if he wants to talk when he’s older then you’re going to do it. If he wants an explanation then you’re going to give him one. Everything you told me today are stories that he deserves to hear, if he wants to hear them, but not from me. He should hear them from you. I’m eternally grateful for what you told me today, for the son you gave me, but I don't want you to contact him. I might not be the one who should be making this decision but if he wants to see you in eight, twelve, twenty years from now then he’ll come to you, and he can hate me for making this decision but it’s something that I want. I doubt you’ll try anything but please respect the fact that you’re not allowed in his life,” Zayn says, following behind Amber towards the front door to his apartment. 

“That reminds me,” Amber says, turning around to face Zayn, pulling out a piece of paper from her bag and into her hands. “Shortly after I had left you two, when I realized that my decision was permanent, I contacted an attorney and went through a long process, and since Niall’s birth certificate was brand new they allowed me to make some minor changes without much of a fight.” 

“Minor changes? What did you to do to it?” Zayn asks, staring at Amber wildly, flicking his gaze over towards Louis before turning back to Amber.

“I removed my name,” Amber says, passing the sheet of paper towards Zayn. “I knew I’d never come back, I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for Louis, so I decided to remove myself completely. I told them that I was merely a surrogate for you, but that I wasn’t his mother, not really anyway, and I shouldn’t be allowed on it. I said that I lied and put my name on there without your consent or knowledge. It took a while, but they finally took my name off. I just, I wanted to do one thing for Niall, but it turned out to be one thing for you. So now you’ll never have to worry.”

Zayn takes the piece of paper, staring at it in his hands, the name beneath the mother section removed, leaving only Zayn’s information on the paper, his name the only one besides Niall’s. “I’ve used his birth certificate before, how come I never knew about this?” He asks, looking back up at Amber. 

“I didn’t want to come back and tell you, so I had just hoped that you’d find out on your own. I guess the system is pretty shitty, but my name or not it doesn’t change the fact he was born on that day, so maybe they just didn’t look into it. I really couldn’t tell you, but I told Louis about it when we spoke and he said you had no idea and that’s why I agreed to come down here. That is the original copy that I got the day it went through, you deserve it, because he’s your son and now you don’t have to worry about me. He’s officially yours and no one else’s.”

She opens the door, stepping out into the hall while Zayn stares at the paper, dropping it down onto the table, following Amber to the door, and leaning against the frame. 

“So now you know the truth, and now you can worry about just being that little boy’s daddy,” Amber says, turning back around to smile at Zayn, offering a little wave. 

“I’m not Daddy, that’s someone else’s role,” Zayn says, ignoring the look on Amber’s face, and closing the door behind her. He doesn’t want to elaborate on the statement, wants to keep to himself the details about Harry, and also doesn’t want to have an elaborate goodbye to someone he doesn’t know anymore. Leaning against the door for a moment, Zayn takes a deep breath, letting his brain process the events of what just happened. He feels a hand on his back, rubbing in gentle circles before Zayn turns around and pushes himself against Louis’ chest. Louis wraps his arms around him, holding onto him as Zayn breathes into his shoulder, looking down at the birth certificate on the table. 

“Are you ready to go?” Louis asks. 

“Yeah,” Zayn says, pulling away. “Harry has probably burned a hole in his carpet from pacing while he waited for us.”

Louis laughs lightly before he grabs onto Zayn’s face, pressing both of his palms against Zayn’s cheeks as he gently knocks their foreheads together. “You good?”

“I’m perfect,” Zayn says, smiling, pulling himself away to press a kiss to Louis’ cheek. “Thanks to you and your meddlesome ways, I now know that I am one hundred percent Niall’s father.”

“You were always one hundred percent Niall’s father, but thanks to me it’s been confirmed and, thanks to me, who you earlier hated for doing this.”

“I still hate you,” Zayn says, serious. “But I love you more so I’m choosing to ignore the hate.”

“I wasn’t going to have her come down here, you know,” Louis says back, serious and sure as he looks at Zayn. “I only wanted her to tell me if you were the father and figure out from there how I was going to tell you, I didn’t want you to have to see her, you know? But then she mentioned the birth certificate, saying how she thought that it’d be enough to make us all happy. I had no idea what she was talking about and I knew that you didn’t either; I figured you’d have told me if you saw something like that. But I knew that it had to be her telling you that and everything else. So, I hope you’re not too angry with me.” 

Zayn smiles at him, rests a hand on Louis’ shoulder. “I’m not angry. A little bit, but not really. You meant well and luckily enough everything worked out so don’t worry about it. I’m going to go get my bag and then we’re leaving.” 

~~~ 

When Zayn opens Harry’s front door he finds both Harry and Niall standing behind it. 

“Baba,” Niall shouts, throwing his arms up in the air as Zayn drops his bag down on the ground next to the door. 

Zayn glances at the two of them, notices the way that Harry and Niall are matching in every way; both shirtless, wearing a pair of jeans, Niall’s belly falling over the edge of his pants as he smiles up at Zayn. They’re both barefoot with tiny little ponytails placed at the top of their heads, pulling their hair out of their eyes and onto the top of their head in a way that makes their hair stand straight up. 

“It’s like I’m looking at twins,” Zayn says, bending down to pick up Niall, flicking at the hair pulled up as he adjusts him on his hip. 

“Like?” Niall asks, bending his head down to show Zayn properly. 

“Oh god, I forgot,” Harry says, cupping his own ponytail. “Well, we did a lot today and we needed to keep our hair out of our eyes.” 

“It’s cute,” Zayn says, pressing a kiss to Niall’s cheek. 

“Where Lou?” Niall asks, glancing behind Zayn’s shoulder

“He’s coming,” Zayn says. “I’m so happy to see you. Do you know how happy Baba is to see you right now?”

Niall shrugs his shoulders. “Don’t know. Lots?”

“Oh, more than a lot,” Zayn says, pressing his cheek to Niall’s, holding him close against his chest. 

“I’m guessing that we’re waiting to talk?” Harry asks. 

Zayn nods, turning around when he hears Louis outside, making his way up the stairs on the porch. 

“Oh Niall, thank god,” Louis says, dramatically, stumbling into the house, closing the front door behind him. “Your father has bored me to tears today. I spent the entire car ride home weeping in the drivers seat. It was awful.” 

“Hi,” Niall says, smiling at Louis, tilting his head to the side as he looks at him. “You play?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I want to do. Let’s go upstairs to your room because these two are boring and are probably going to talk about boring things that neither of us cares about,” Louis says, taking Niall from Zayn’s arms. “Then, after they’re done talking about boring things you’re probably going to have to cuddle your father because he’s feeling clingy and I know he’s going to lock you away somewhere. But first we’re going to take that ridiculous ponytail out of your hair.”

“No, like,” Niall says, putting his hand over his hair. “Mine.”

“All right, we’ll work out some kind of deal,” Louis says, disappearing at the top of the stairs, turning towards Niall’s room. 

Zayn glances away, turns to look at Harry who is studying him carefully. 

“Are you okay?” Harry asks. 

Zayn nods, reaching out to grab Harry’s hand so he can drag him towards the couch. Harry sits down and Zayn immediately crowds his space, fitting in next to him so he can wrap himself around him. 

“So what happened?” Harry asks, wrapping his arms around Zayn. 

“I always thought that I’d need to hear her explanation, ya know? Like, I’d always think about it and think about how I needed to hear why she’d leave Niall like that but then she started talking and it just felt wrong to listen to. It’s Niall’s story to hear, not mine.”

“But you talked to her, right?” Harry asks. 

Zayn shifts around so he’s sitting on Harry’s lap, his thighs resting against Harry’s, and wraps his arms around Harry’s neck. 

“Do you know what Amber said?” Zayn asks, running his fingers through the curls not pulled up in the hair tie. “She said that without her leaving that you probably wouldn’t be in mine and Niall’s lives, that her leaving brought you to us.” 

“Everything happens for a reason but you don’t know what would have happened if she had stayed. I could have still popped up eventually.”

“True, but it got me thinking and I think that Amber left because it’s supposed to be you here. You’re supposed to be the other person in Niall’s life. He calls me Baba because you were supposed to be the one known as Daddy. Or, so I’d like to think,” Zayn says. 

“That’s a good way of thinking,” Harry says, smiling at Zayn. “What else did she say?”

Zayn bites his lip, trying to hide his smile. “We talked about Niall’s paternity.”

“And?”

“And I’m the biggest idiot on the planet who never had a reason to be insecure because I am the father to the most beautiful little boy in the entire world, in every single way including through genetics. She even took her name off the birth certificate.” 

“So he’s yours?” Harry asks, smiling widely. 

“Yes and if you say I told you so then I’m afraid that I’m not going to be able to kiss you in celebration and I really want to kiss you.”

Harry kisses him first, leans forward and slots his mouth against Zayn’s. Zayn kisses back, sighing as Harry grips his side, licking his way into Zayn’s mouth. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Positive, nothing she said was as important as my biological connection to Niall. I’m perfect, so fucking perfect,” Zayn says, leaning back down to kiss Harry again.

“Baba, Daddy play,” Niall shouts from upstairs. 

“We’re being called,” Zayn says against Harry’s lips. “We should probably go upstairs.”

“Yeah, in a minute,” Harry says, leaning forward to kiss Zayn again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the procedure for removing a father off the birth certificate but there are oddly little to no resources to help figure out how to remove a mother so I kind of just, tweaked the father procedure and made a little bit of stuff up. Basically, I took some liberties with this chapter. I came up with the idea a while ago and thought it would be a great thing for the story, so, let's all just overlook the actual legal procedure that goes with changing a birth certificate.


	16. Chapter 16

Zayn wakes up earlier than usual, eyelids slowly opening, letting out a tired groan at the same moment Harry lets out a particularly loud snore. His face is pressed into the back of Harry’s neck, Harry’s curls tickling his face. He sits up slowly, unwrapping his arm from around Harry’s waist, glancing at the bedside table to check the time. It’s a quarter to five, Zayn groans, dropping down on his pillow that he abandoned in the middle of the night, rubbing his face with the palm of his hand. Harry let’s out another snore and Zayn rolls his eyes, tossing the blanket off his body. Zayn doesn’t want to lie in bed, knows he won’t be able to fall back asleep with Harry snoring next to him. He sits up slowly, throwing his legs off the side the bed before he makes his way towards Niall’s room. 

Zayn makes sure to close Harry’s door behind him when he steps into Niall’s. Niall’s door is left open, usually to the point where it’s almost closed, but Zayn knows before he enters, based on how wide the door is opened, that both of the cats have found their way onto Niall’s bed. He remembers kicking them out when he put Niall to bed for the night, but he also knows that Cat is notorious for sneaking into Niall’s room. 

He pushes the door closed behind him, follows the careful glow from the light seeping through the blinds and sees Kitty and Cat lying with Niall on the bed; Cat is curled in a ball on Niall’s pillow, pressed against the wall while, Niall’s head a few inches away from the cat’s stomach, and Kitty lies out across the bottom of the bed, stretched out. Niall’s tucked under the blankets, his face facing Zayn, his little arms stretched out above his head, his stuffed animals lying scattered across the blankets. 

Zayn crawls in bed next to him, pulling the blankets over his body as he settles in next to Niall. The bed is too small, he feels cramped, having to share the space with not only his son but two cats and three stuffed animals as well. He lies on his side facing Niall and reaches out to brush his fingers through Niall’s hair. 

He watches Niall sleep, remembers the words that Amber spoke to him confirming his connection to Niall. He feels a tremendous weight lifted off his shoulder, the only worry in his world disappearing in that moment. He didn’t get to spend the time with Niall that he wanted to after finding out the news, he wanted to wrap Niall in his arms and never let him go but instead he settled on an evening spent sharing Niall with Louis and Harry, but now, now he gets his quiet moment alone with Niall. 

Zayn still can’t believe it, still can’t believe that the little boy sleeping next to him is half of him. A part of him knew it all along, knew that Niall was his son in every way possible, and most of him never cared what the outcome would be of Niall’s paternity because Niall is his and always has been his. But it’s a tremendous relief to know the truth, to know that he has nothing, and never had anything to worry about. 

He leans forward, presses a kiss to Niall’s cheek before he closes his eyes and drifts back to sleep. 

~~~ 

“Where Daddy?” Niall asks, picking up a marker and looking at Zayn. 

“Daddy is still sleeping,” Zayn says, sweeping the pencil across the paper. 

He and Niall woke up a few hours after Zayn had fallen asleep, he feels like he could have slept all day, instead he was woken up by a cat tail steadily slapping him in the face along with Niall poking him in the cheek. He decided for a quiet morning, wanting to let both Harry and Louis get as much as sleep as they desired while he and Niall ate breakfast together. 

They had curled up on the couch for a while, Zayn listening as Niall tried to read him and the cats a book until Niall began to get bored. He pulled out the art supplies, found them inside one of Harry’s cabinets and laid them out along the table to give Niall something to do. 

“Sleep lots,” Niall says worriedly, looking at Zayn for a beat before he goes back to his paper. 

“One day you’ll sleep lots too.” 

“I not.”

Zayn considers it for a moment, realizes that by the time Niall reaches the age where he wants to sleep all the time will probably be when Zayn is at the age where he just can’t sleep all the time, his body having developed it’s own clock for when it needs to wake up, all thanks these moments in Niall’s youth where he forces Zayn out of bed. 

“You’re right. Promise me that you’ll stay Baba’s baby forever.”

Niall sighs, letting out a deep breath, glancing up at Zayn through his lashes but doesn’t reply. He shakes his head as he drops the marker in his hand, reaching for another one. Zayn laughs at his reaction, throws his head back as his stomach vibrates from the laughter. Niall giggles with him, letting out tiny laughs like he wasn’t just annoyed with Zayn. 

“Baba loves you,” Zayn says, leaning forward to kiss Niall on top of his head. 

“Love Baba,” Niall says back.

Zayn goes back to his drawing, looking back up to watch Niall every few seconds to make sure he’s getting his drawing right. He can’t help but want to stare at Niall after Amber confirmed the paternity, wants to admire his greatest creation because no drawing that he’ll ever do of Niall will be as amazing as the real life little boy sitting next to him. It doesn’t stop him from drawing though, Niall’s his favorite model, and it’s better than filling in pages of Looney Tunes characters like Niall is, but still, he can’t seem to get enough of his little boy. 

He feels a bit obsessed with admiring the way his genes have helped created Niall, a thought that he probably shouldn’t be so amazed with two and a half years after Niall’s birth, but he really can’t be assed to care at this point. 

They color in silence together for an hour before their father son time is interrupted with Louis making his way down the staircase.

“Good morning,” Louis sings, stepping into the room with a wide smile on his face. 

“Lou,” Niall shouts, dropping his marker and trying to stand up far too quickly for his little body to handle. Zayn has to reach out and grab onto his arm to prevent him from falling over. 

“You just woke up yet you look like you’ve been awake for hours,” Zayn says, taking in Louis’ styled hair and decent outfit; he’s just wearing a pair of jeans shorts with a t-shirt but Louis is known to walk around in pajamas for far longer than strictly necessary. 

“I was going to spend the day in bed but now I want to go outside. Niall can we go outside?” Louis asks, pouting at Niall. 

“Hair,” Niall says, pointing towards the top of his head. 

“What about your hair?” Zayn asks confused. 

“Like Daddy,” Niall says, pointing towards his head. 

“Oh god,” Louis groans, shaking his head. “You don’t need one of those god awful ponytails. No, absolutely not.”

“I say yes,” Niall says, stomping his foot. 

Zayn stands up, brushing past Louis and digs around in the drawer of the end table to find one of the ponytails that Harry keeps around the house. He finds one and goes back over towards Niall, gather a chunk of the hair on the top of his head and working it into the elastic rubber. 

Niall beams at him when he’s finished, and Zayn bends down to kiss his head again before he sits back down on the ground. 

“I can’t believe this,” Louis says, shaking his head. “Your boyfriend needs to be stopped. He’s a monster. This is a child. Why are you letting him do this to your child? He’s impressionable and he shouldn’t be making such horrible decisions at his age. Niall, please think about this, is this really how you want to be living your life?”

“Yes,” Niall says immediately. Zayn knows that he has no idea what Louis is talking about. 

“It’s hardly going to affect his future if he wears it. Stop being so dramatic about it. He looks adorable,” Zayn says. 

“You’re disgusting. I don’t want to be around you. We’ll be outside if you need us,” Louis says, picking up Niall. “Good luck with your drawing.”

“Um, all right. I guess,” Zayn says, watching as Louis and Niall leave the room, Niall waving to Zayn as he disappears around the corner. 

~~~

“Where’d you go?” Zayn hears Harry ask right before he feels arms wrap around his waist and a head drop onto his shoulder. 

“You were snoring.”

“I don’t snore,” Harry says offended. 

“You do, and it’s awful. You had your mouth open and it was horrible. I’ve never heard anything so awful in my entire life so I just went in and lied down with Niall for a while until I fell asleep.”

“You’re a liar,” Harry says, pulling away to lean against the countertop. “But when did you wake up? It’s noon and I just woke up.”

Zayn shrugs his shoulders, moves across the kitchen to sit down in one of the chairs. “Eight or so. I thought I’d just let you sleep. Louis woke up about a half hour ago, he looks almost dead he must be exhausted, but he took Niall outside to get some sun. He made Louis put his hair in one of your little ponytails.” 

“Louis probably hates me for getting him into those.”

“He most definitely already does. He ranted and basically begged Niall to reconsider his life choices at the age of two and a half due to a ponytail. I’m willing to be he’s going to chop yours off if you wear one around him so be careful” Zayn says, watching as Harry moves around the kitchen, scratching his stomach as he looks for something to eat. 

Zayn watches him move around, takes in the way the muscles in Harry’s body flex when he moves a certain way. He admires the muscles in Harry’s stomach, how the muscles are defined and present but he’s still round, still soft looking. Zayn trails his eyes back up to Harry’s face, watches his intense expression as he pours himself something to drink, and tries not to laugh when he sees the way Harry’s hair is standing up in thirty different directions. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Harry asks, glancing up from his cup to look at Zayn in confusion. 

“Nothing, you’re just cute,” Zayn says, winking at Harry. 

“Where’s my boyfriend at?

“What do you mean where is your boyfriend? I can think you’re cute.”

“Nope,” Harry says, shaking his head. “My boyfriend thinks I’m devilishly handsome and doesn’t know how to keep his hands off me. Cute isn’t even in his vocabulary.”

“Right, okay well, Mr. Handsome, I was wondering if you wanted to go out tomorrow night. I can understand why you wouldn’t want to though, being as that I called you cute.”

Harry’s expression immediately changes from playful to confused. “Did I actually hear you ask if we can go out?”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Yes, I did, but if you don’t want to then we can just stay in. I just thought that maybe you’d want to go out.” 

“What kind of going out? Like, are we talking about taking Niall to the park, or going to that restaurant on Elm that lets him draw on the table? Or, out as in just the two of us like, on a date or something?”

“Well Louis said earlier that he was going to go out tomorrow night so I thought that we could go with him. I’ve already spoke with Liam and he said that he would watch Niall for the night, Niall hasn’t seen him in a while so I figured it’d work out for both of them, and we wouldn’t have to worry about him but if you’re not feeling it then we can do it another night or just not at all,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders. 

“We’ll do both,” Harry says, reaching across the counter for an orange. “We can take Niall out during the day and then we can go out. I’m just surprised you’re the one suggesting it.”

“Yeah well, I told you that I wanted you to go out more,” Zayn says, watching as Harry peels his orange. “You make an effort to stay in with us even if you don’t want to,” Zayn pauses to hold up his hand, stopping Harry from interrupting or arguing against it, “I’m not saying that you hate staying in with us, I’m just saying that sometimes you want to go out and instead we stay in. I’m making an effort to go out when I’d rather stay in.” 

Harry nods his head slowly, slipping a piece of fruit in his mouth as he drops down in the chair next to Zayn. “So we’re, like, compromising?”

“Yeah, we’re, like, compromising. It’s a thing people in relationships do, they compromise and do things the other person wants to do over things they want to do.”

Harry considers it for a moment. “So if I wanted to compromise and say that I’ll only agree to your plan if I got lucky and you put out does that count?”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “You’re horrible,” Zayn says, reaching out to push at Harry’s face with his hands. 

Harry beams up at him, smiling widely. “Okay. I’ll go out with you, even if I don’t get lucky. See? We can both compromise.”

“Shut up,” Zayn says laughing. “I mean it, do you want to go out with Louis and me tomorrow? We can do what you suggested, spending the day with Niall and spending the evening with Louis and spending the night together?”

Harry smiles at him, leaning forward so he can kiss Zayn. “I’ll do anything if it means I get to spend time with you. I already told you that I don’t care about any of that other stuff. I just want to be with you and Niall. I love alone time but we don’t have to go out and do anything. Liam can take Niall and we can spend the night in for all I care. But, if you want to go out, or want to try and make my happy by going out then we will. Regardless of where we spend our time together I’ll be content.”

“You’re such a sap,” Zayn says fondly. 

“But you love me?”

“Yeah, I love you.” 

“Good,” Harry says leaning forward to kiss him again. “Love you, too.”


	17. Chapter 17

“Are you going to tell us where you’re taking us?” Zayn asks, adjusting in the passenger seat so he can look at Harry.

Harry smirks at him, glancing over his shoulder to look at Zayn. “I could tell you, but you planned our night so I’m planning our day. I picked something that I think you and Niall will both like, and a few other little things. I wish that I could tell you but it’s a need to know basis.”

“You’re the worst, honestly,” Zayn says, releasing a deep breath. “Niall, what do you think Daddy has planned?”

Zayn turns to look into the backseat, sees that Niall has kicked off his shoes and socks, his leg pulled up towards his chest so he can play with his toes. He looks up at Zayn when he’s addressed, smiling widely and sticking his foot out towards Zayn. “Games,” Niall says, releasing his foot. 

“What kind of games?” Harry asks. 

“Not know,” Niall says as he grabs his foot again. 

Zayn smiles at him, leaning his head against the rest so he can watch Niall as he goes back to playing with his toes. 

“Where do you want to go to lunch, Niall?” Zayn asks, watching as Niall claps his feet together. 

“Not know.” 

“Are you going to let Daddy choose that too?”

“No,” Niall says, smiling at Zayn with his eyes crinkled shut. 

“I’ve already decided,” Harry says. “But we’ve been there before so it’s hardly a surprise to anyone where we’re going, and we can pretend it’s his choice after we’ve finished with the first place.”

“What’s the first place again?” Zayn asks, biting back a smile as he tries to trick Harry into telling him where they’re going, which almost works because Harry opens his mouth, the location almost spilling out before he snaps it shut and turns to give Zayn a playful glare. 

~~~ 

“This is what we’re doing today?” Zayn says, glancing around the store. Zayn’s heard of these places, never been to one before, the stores where you can come in and glaze premade ceramics. “Paint your own pottery?” Zayn reaches down to grab Niall’s hand, looking up at Harry. 

"Stop, don't look at me like that," Harry says. "You love art, and Niall loves art, so I thought what better way to spend the day together than by doing art. Niall can paint you a mug or something, anything he wants. Is it, like, is this stupid?"

"It's not stupid. I just didn’t think you would pick something like this. It’s not really your scene.”

“I wanted to go to the park but the weather forecast said it was going to rain so unfortunately my scene was ruined but this was a very, very close second in my ideas and if we didn’t do it today then I wanted to do it someday soon because I thought that it would be something Niall would love and I’m trying to create memories,” Harry says. 

“Okay, memories,” Zayn says, nodding his head and glancing around the store. There are shelves upon shelves of different items to glaze, ranging from bowls to cups to figurines to vases to piggy banks in the form of everything but a pig. “Memories. Okay. Niall, you can pick three things to paint," Zayn says, holding three fingers up. "Okay, fine you can do four."

"Four?" Harry asks, quirking an eyebrow at Zayn. 

"Well, I'll want something, you'll want something, and Louis will kill us if he doesn't get something but then that leaves nothing for Niall so he can do four."

"You're going to let him decide?"

"He's allowed to make his own decisions. If I make him do one that he doesn't want to do then he won't care, and I want him to have fun," Zayn says, bending down to pick up Niall.

They walk through the store, and Niall immediately starts pointing at something on the shelves. "Want that," Niall says. 

Zayn follows the direction that his finger is pointing in and sees a ceramic purse that turns out to be a vase in the shape of the purse, the clasps made to look open so the inside of the purse is free space for anything to be put inside. Niall's eyes light up when Harry pulls it off the shelf. 

"That's...okay," Harry says, smiling at Zayn. "Always full of surprises aren't you, Niall?"

"Want cat," Niall says, pointing towards the cat on one of the lower shelves. "Cat."

Zayn leaves Harry to grab the cat as he carries Niall around the store, trying to see if there is anything around the store that he can convince Niall to grab.

In the end Niall ends up also choosing a stein, and a little bank in the shape of an ice cream sundae. Zayn let's him choose them, wants to question why he chose these things but instead brings Niall towards one of the small tables in the back, Harry following close behind with an armful of glazes and ceramics. 

"Who gets what?" Zayn asks as puts Niall in one of the chairs. "Which one is Niall's?"

"Cat," Niall says, pointing towards the cat. "Cat mine."

"Which one is Baba's?"

"Cup."

"Daddy?"

"Bag."

"Uncle Lou?"

"Food."

Zayn glances down at Harry, smiling at him when he sees that Harry is trying to keep from laughing, as he helps uncap all the containers.

"Okay, which do you want to paint first?"

"Cat," Niall says, nodding his head and reaching for the ceramic cat.

Zayn passes him a paintbrush, sitting down in the chair next to him so he can help if necessary.

"What color do you want?" Harry says, pointing towards the glaze containers they brought with them, and taking the seat on the other side of Niall. "There are more over there if you want them."

"Cat," Niall says, pointing at the ceramic cat in front of him. 

"I know, that's a cat, but what color do you want to make him?" Harry asks. 

"Cat. Cat. Cat," Niall repeats pointing at the cat in front of him. "Paint Cat."

"I think he wants orange," Zayn says, watching as Niall begins to get frustrated with Harry. "He's saying that he wants to paint it to look like Cat not that he wants to paint the cat, right? Niall, are you going to make this look like Cat at home?"

Niall looks at Zayn for a moment then back towards the ceramic cat and nods his head. "Cat," he says confidently, finally looking at Harry who is pushing the container of orange glaze to sit in front of Niall. "Yes, yes." Niall dips his paintbrush into the container and begins messily applying an application of glaze onto the figure in front of him. 

They allow him to paint, let him do anything he wants with the colors and the items, reminds him that he’s not allowed to cover the bottom but tells him anything else is free to be covered. 

“See?” Harry says, pointing at Niall while he covers the cat in orange glaze. “This is the best idea.”

“I never said it was a bad idea,” Zayn says, laughing at Harry. “Are you going to do something?”

“I’m not very good creatively or artistically, at least not when it doesn’t come to sound. You’re good though, amazing actually. Why aren’t you glazing something?”

“My art has taken a shift over the years, it begins and ends with Niall. I can’t—I haven’t figured out how to draw something or somebody else. Drawing is the easiest, I can do it anywhere, painting is nice as well, but I don’t know about this. I’m happier about getting a beer mug,” Zayn says, watching as Niall makes circular brush marks across the ceramic bisque. 

Harry goes quiet, watching Zayn carefully for a minute before he turns his attention towards Niall, nodding his head in confirmation that the ceramic cat does in fact look like Cat Styles.

In the end Niall manages to paint the cat orange, covering its eyes in green glaze. He also does the purse in a shocking shade of orange with a green handle and blue dots around it disguised with careful swirls. The stein is glazed in five different colors, in messy brushstrokes that leave blank spaces, the inside holding an inch of glaze at the bottom because Niall tried to pour the green inside of it. The sundae though, the sundae is best one. Niall managed to paint it off in sections with Harry’s help, doing the ice cream scoops a lime green color, the drizzling syrup bright blue that bleeds into the green. He does the bowl in yellow and brown, dotting the cherry on top with purple before he decides he doesn’t need Harry’s help and just starts applying colors at random.

“Picture,” Niall says, pointing towards his finished works.

“You want me to take a picture of them?” Zayn asks, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Niall nods his head so Zayn takes individual shots of all of them, and has Niall pose for one so Zayn can remember the glaze crawling up Niall’s arms and staining his clothes, and takes another of him, Harry, and Niall crowding together closely in front of his camera, smiling together happily.

~~~

"You made me ice cream," Louis says, turning away from the picture on Zayn’s phone to smile at Niall. "It's beautiful

"Grass," Niall says seriously.

"Oh good, my favorite," Louis says, rubbing his stomach. "Now, my second question, is this a cherry on top? Or, I mean, since it's purple is it a grape? And if it's a cherry is it still safe to eat?"

Niall looks at Louis for a moment before he looks back down at the phone held in Louis’ hand. Niall shakes his head in confusion, pushing away at the phone. “I not. Not eat.” 

“Okay,” Louis says, shutting his phone off and slipping it in his pocket. “Well, it’s beautiful and I’m going to start putting all of my money inside of it when it’s finally here. Thank you.” 

Niall doesn’t answer, and Zayn watches as he pulls himself onto Harry’s couch, leaning back against the cushions with his legs crossed and arms folded behind his head. 

“Looks like someone is ready for naptime,” Zayn says, and Niall yawns in response, his eyelids getting heavy as the seconds pass by. “Harry, can you take him?” Harry nods, reaching down to pick up Niall, stopping in front of Zayn so Zayn can kiss Niall on the forehead. “Sweet dreams, have to get you nice and rested for Uncle Liam.”

Zayn drops down on the couch as Harry takes Niall upstairs, relaxes into the cushions, toeing off his shoes and kicking them under the table in front of the couch. 

“Liam’s babysitting him?” Louis says, and Zayn glances up to see Louis pointing up the stairs towards Niall and Harry. “Liam. As in my ex-boyfriend Liam?”

“I don’t know any other Liam’s. Why?”

“You’re being serious with this?”

“Liam cares about Niall, always has, and Niall hasn’t seen him in a long time. Harry and I are going out with you tonight and I asked Liam to take Niall for the night, he’s excited about it and I trust Liam, so yes, he’s watching Niall.”

Louis takes a deep breath, shaking his head as he strides across the room. “He’s coming over here to watch…” Zayn shakes his head and Louis follows suit. “To pick up?” Zayn nods. “Okay, that’s, um, okay. I need to go and, um…I need to change clothes, and shower and just get ready. We’re going out tonight so I should get ready.”

“You’re already ready,” Zayn says, eyeing Louis’ perfectly styled hair, dark wash skinny jeans, and tightly fitted red shirt. 

“This?” Louis says, pointing down at his clothes. “These are my house clothes.”

“You got ready to not go anywhere?”

“No,” Louis says, shaking his head, shrugging his shoulders as he looks down towards the ground. “I went out and got the mail.”

Zayn squints at Louis, watching as he calculates something inside of his head. “Are you sure these are your ‘house clothes’?” 

“Excuse me, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that, let’s pretend, hypothetically, that these aren’t your house clothes and that you’re actually just worried about what you look like because it’s Liam coming over. Pretend it was Nick or Ed, that outfit would be fine, so my conclusion is that you’re only concerned because it’s Liam, and you want to make sure you look good for him. But this is all hypothetical, right?” Zayn says, watching Louis carefully. 

“Shut up, Malik,” Louis retorts before he stomps up the stairs, brushing past a confused looking Harry as he goes. 

“What is that about?” Harry asks, dropping down on the couch next to Zayn. 

“Louis being weird,” Zayn says, adjusting himself so he can lie across Harry, tucking his face under Harry’s chin, wrapping his arms around Harry’s abdomen, and draping a leg over Harry’s lap. “Niall had fun today.” 

“I did good?” Harry asks, stroking Zayn’s back. 

“You always do good. You’re a good daddy, thank you for that.” 

“You’re a good baba,” Harry says. “You’d be an even better baba if you got your elbow out of my ribs.”

Zayn snorts, and slowly starts unwrapping himself from around Harry so he can sit up, turning back to look at Harry. “Can we take a nap?” 

Harry nods, yawning through it, before he stands up, grabbing onto Zayn and leading them upstairs.


	18. Chapter 18

Niall’s still sleeping when Liam shows up, Harry’s in the shower, getting ready for tonight as Zayn lets Liam into the house. 

He’s dressed casually; nothing about his appearance would suggest that he struggled with the same flash of panic that Louis felt when he heard they’d be in the same room again together. The only difference in Liam’s appearance is the facial hair, the light stubble sweeping across his cheeks, jaw and chin.

“You look different,” Zayn says, following Liam into the living room, sitting down next to him on the couch. “It looks like you’re following in my footsteps with that beard of yours.”

“Oh. Yeah,” Liam says, brushing his hands across his jaw line. “I just wanted to do something new.”

Zayn nods. “It looks good on you.” Liam smiles at him and mutters a ‘thanks’ before Zayn speaks up again. “Niall is still taking his nap. We went out early this morning and then did lunch so he was lied down later than normal. He should probably be awake soon. Lately his naps have been either a few hours or not even close to an hour. It looks like this one is going to be long. He doesn’t know that you’re coming, I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“That’s fine, I don’t mind waiting. And I’m happy to see him. I’ve missed him. I wish that I could come by more frequently but with everything that’s happened I’m not sure that it’s the right time for that.”

Zayn’s getting ready to say that he understands, getting ready to tell Liam that he’s free to see Niall anytime he wants, that all he needs to do is call but another voice interrupts him.

“Hello Liam,” Louis says, entering the room, taking the long way towards the chair next to the couch, making sure to pass in front of Zayn and Liam. Zayn checks Louis’ outfits, sees that he’s changed from dark jeans to black jeans, a tight red shirt to a looser white shirt covered in an acid wash dark-denim jacket, sleeves rolled up at his elbows. “What did you mean that now isn’t a good time to see Niall? What’s stopping you?”

“I didn’t think it would be best after what happened,” Liam says, shrugging his shoulders. “I didn’t want to complicate anything for anyone.” 

“So you blame me?”

“Louis,” Zayn warns, turning his body so he can glare at his best friend. When he looks at him he sees that Louis’ leg is shaking, his knee bouncing around as he grips onto his thighs. 

“Liam, you’re here.”

Zayn looks at Louis for a moment longer, watches as he takes a deep breath, smiling at Zayn to let him know that he’s okay, and he’ll try harder to not be a complete dick. Zayn knows he won’t, knows that Liam and Louis haven’t done anything more than speak on the phone, knows that it’s hard to sit across from someone you wanted to spend your entire life with but can’t anymore. Zayn smiles back before he turns back around and sees Harry stepping in front of him to sit down next to Zayn. 

“Are you ready to go?” Harry asks, reaching out to put an arm behind Zayn. 

Zayn opens his mouth to answer but is interrupted by Louis. “I am. It’s been absolutely pleasant and lovely here, but we should get going. We’re losing time,” Louis says, and Zayn can tell that he’s nervous, can read it in his expression that he’s feeling panicked about being near Liam, that he doesn’t know what to do with the situation. And Zayn sympathizes with him because he knows that Louis isn’t the only one in the room struggling with it, he can feel Liam’s knee shaking next to him as well, vibrating with nerves. 

“I don’t want to leave while Niall is still sleeping,” Zayn says in response, biting his lip as he imagines Niall waking up, freaking out when he sees that he’s alone with Liam because when he was laid down for his nap there were three other people in Harry’s house and Liam wasn’t one of them. He doesn’t want to get a phone call while they’re out saying that Niall is scared and upset because it’s been so long since he’s seen Liam and been alone with him.

“That’s cool,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders. “We’ll wait until he wakes up. No big deal.”

“I really want to go out now,” Louis says, still looking at Zayn. “Niall will be fine.”

“Louis, stop. We don’t need to leave just yet, it’s okay,” Harry says, squeezing Zayn’s thigh.

Zayn nods, thinks for a moment and then says, “You two could leave now and then I’ll meet up with you later once he’s awake. Liam can drop me off wherever you both are on his way to taking Niall back to his place.”

“Perfect, let me just put some shoes on and we can go. Harry, get your shoes on, we’re leaving,” Louis says, standing up from the couch and making his way towards the door.

Zayn watches him go, then turns to look at Harry who shrugs, leans forward and kisses Zayn’s cheek before following after Louis. “Are you sure this okay?” Harry asks, bending down to grab his boots from next to the door. 

“Yeah, of course. You both want to get out of here, and I’ll be there shortly. I just want to make sure Niall knows what’s going on so he doesn’t cause any problems for Liam. It’s better for me to show up later rather than leaving early or in the middle of it, yeah?”

“If that’s what you want to do then that’s fine with me,” Harry says, entering back into the living room, bending over the couch to kiss Zayn. “I’ll see you soon.” 

Zayn turns around to watch him go, waves at him when he reaches the door where Louis is stood waiting for him. Harry leaves first and Louis hesitates for a moment before he smiles at the two of them. 

“Louis,” Liam says, standing up from the couch to look at Louis, who pauses his exit to turn back around towards them. “I don’t blame you. You asked if I blame you but I don’t. I just wanted you to know that.” 

Louis looks at him for a moment, his expression unreadable and Zayn watches the two of them as they stand together in silence, staring each other. Louis looks at Liam for a moment longer before he exits Harry’s house, closing the door behind him. 

Liam releases a deep breath, brushing his fingers through his hair before he looks back down at Zayn. “I dated him for longer than I’ve ever been with anyone in my entire life, I’ve slept with him, and loved him but I can barely say a sentence to him. Funny how life works out.”

“I’d say it’s a little more sad than funny,” Zayn says, smiling sadly at Liam as he sits back down next to him. 

~~~

Niall wakes up an hour and a half later, sleepy shouts of ‘Baba’ coming from the top of the stairs when he does. Zayn and Liam had been sitting in the living room, catching up when the calls for Zayn came. 

Niall’s standing at the top of the stairs waiting for Zayn, both of the cats standing behind him, tails flicking as they watch Zayn make his way up the stairs. 

“There’s my sleepy boy,” Zayn says, picking Niall up and carrying him back down the stairs. “You slept for so long, you were so tired.” 

“Not tired,” Niall says, resting his head on Zayn’s shoulder as they enter the living room. 

Liam is no longer sat on the couch, having gotten off the furniture while Zayn was on the stairs, and is currently standing in front of them, smiling at Niall. 

“Hey, Ni,” Liam says. 

Niall looks at him for a moment, studying every inch of Liam carefully. It’s has been a while since Niall has seen him, and he seems to be hesitating on how he should respond. 

“You’re going to spend the night with Uncle Liam tonight. Daddy and Baba are going out so we won’t see you until after you wake up from sleeping tonight. Liam will bring you home,” Zayn explains. 

Niall’s still looking at Liam, analyzing him carefully before he says, “Baba phone.”

“You want my phone?” Zayn asks, setting Niall down on the ground so he can pull his phone out of his pocket. 

“Picture,” Niall says. 

“Which one?” 

“Ice cream.”

Zayn nods his head, knows that Niall wants to see the image of the ceramic ice cream sundae that he decorated this morning. Zayn pulls it up on his phone and passes it to Niall who turns around and holds it up for Liam. 

“Did you make this?” Liam asks, kneeling down on the ground so Niall can show him the image. “It’s beautiful.”

“Niall paint,” Niall says. 

“It’s beautiful. I love it. And nothing could be better than putting your money in a ceramic sundae, right?” Niall nods his head. “Who is this for?” Liam asks, turning his gaze away from the phone to look at Niall.

“Li and Uncle Lou,” Niall says, smiling at Liam. 

Liam stares at the picture on Zayn’s phone for a minute before he nods his head and smiles at Niall. “It’s great. It goes perfectly with all of our things.”

“We should probably leave,” Zayn says, watching Liam carefully. “Niall, can you go and get your little book bag that’s in the kitchen? I put your lion blanket and stuffed animals in there.”

Niall nods and runs into the other room. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Zayn says, taking his phone back from Liam. “I didn’t think he’d bring that up. I didn’t even think. He doesn’t understand break ups.” 

“Zayn it’s fine,” Liam says, shaking his head and waving Zayn off. “I’ll go out and start my car, you take your time getting Niall ready, okay?”

~~~

Liam drops Zayn off at the bar off seventh street, Harry had texted him on the drive and said that Louis picked out the place, said they changed locations twice before settling on this one. When they reach it, Zayn thanks Liam for taking care of Niall, promises that they’ll do something together soon before he steps out of the car and opens the back door to say goodbye to Niall. He promises his son that he’ll see him around lunch time, tells him to have good time before he gives him a kiss and heads inside. 

The place is packed, loud and dark, the air cloudy from smoke and filled with the scent of booze. It’s nothing crazy though, not so many people that Zayn feels uncomfortable and suffocated, but enough that he can understand why Louis would deem this place worthy. There are Christmas lights strung up along the wall behind the bar where he sees a certain curly-haired boyfriend of his glancing around and sipping a bright green cocktail. His eyes connect with Zayn’s almost instant, his face lighting up as he stumbles off the bar stool and makes his way over towards him. 

“You’re here,” Harry says, grinning at Zayn before he wraps his arms around him, resting his head against Zayn’s shoulder.

“You’re already drunk,” Zayn says, grabbing onto Harry to steady him.

Harry pulls his face out of Zayn’s shoulder and pouts at him, letting out a deep sigh before he speaks. “I think Louis was upset about seeing Liam today so we went and got drinks, lots of drinks, and shots. He wanted to do a shot for every time he was forced to talk to Liam but that’s a lot.”

“Yeah I could tell Louis was upset, he had an extra bite to him tonight when he was talking to Liam.”

“They should kiss, that makes everything better. We should kiss.”

“What do we need to make better that warrants a kiss?” Zayn asks, leading Harry towards the bar so he can sit him down on a stool again.

Harry wraps his arms around Zayn’s neck, pouts at him while he thinks of a reason. “You’re not drunk. And you’re not kissing me.”

Zayn hums, reaching the bar and getting Harry to sit down

“I love you,” Harry says, letting out a deep breath. “A lot.”

“I love you, too. But before we start drunkenly declaring our affections, do you want to tell me where Louis is?”

“He’s been dancing. I was with him but I got thirsty and then I saw you so I can’t go dancing right now but I left him over there. Ask my friend, Louis has been dancing a lot.”

“Your friend?” Zayn asks, confused about who else Harry knows in the bar.

Harry nods his head, spinning around in the chair, his back towards Zayn. He leans over the counter and waves at someone. Zayn watches him closely, tracks the direction of Harry’s wave and sees a bartender making his way over towards them. He's taller than them, a bit wider in build with blonde hair sticking out from under a fedora. He nods at Harry and stops in front of them, asking if he wants another drink. 

Harry shakes his head and says, "No, meet Zayn." He turns around, grabbing onto Zayn's arm and tugging him closer to the bar. "Zayn, this is..." Harry scrunches his face up as he thinks. 

"Olly," the bartender says. "Can I get you two anything to drink?"

Zayn smiles at him, asks for two waters and glances over to see Harry watching as the bartender pours them, smiling at Olly and Zayn, waiting for them to strike up a conversation that neither of them wants to have. He passes them their drinks, taking Zayn's money before he goes back to helping more customers.

Harry's mouth drops open when he leaves, tries calling him back over until he realizes that Olly isn't coming back. “He was much friendlier when you weren’t around,” Harry says, shaking his head as the bartender walks away.

“Probably because you were buying drinks.”

“No," Harry says, whipping his head up to look at Zayn. "He’s jealous of you.”

Zayn snorts, biting back a laugh as he shakes his head. He doesn’t want to ask, but knows that he’ll have to. “Jealous of?”

"That you're my boyfriend and not his," Harry says, reaching out to put his hand on Zayn's arm. He uses two of his fingers to tap onto Zayn's skin, making them travel from his forearm to his shoulder. "And because you’re so pretty." Harry bops him on the nose for emphasis. 

"Let's go sit at one of those tables. I got you water so you can get something else in your body besides alcohol. I don't even know what you've been drinking tonight but you're going to feel sick tomorrow, so I want to be able to say I tried to help when you're crawling on over me and begging for food, or a cuddle, or to bring you something for your head," Zayn says, grabbing the drinks. 

He follows Harry towards the back, weaves in and out of people until Harry stops and crawls into one of the chairs. Zayn sits down next to him, passes him and water and watches as Harry begins to drink the glass in its entirety. Zayn takes the opportunity to scan the bar, makes note of all the people inside of it as he tries to locate his best friend, which isn’t very hard. Louis draws a crowd to himself, strives on human interaction to get away from whatever is bothering him. He sees Louis on the other side of the bar, in the middle of the area designated for dancing, moving his body and laughing with a group of people that Zayn doesn’t know. He takes the time to carefully memorize the faces of those with Louis, burns images of them to his brain before he turns back to Harry. 

“Are you mad at me?” Harry asks, taking Zayn’s water to drink for himself. 

Zayn looks at him in confusion, frowning. “No, why would I be angry?”

“Because I’m drunk and you don’t like coming out,” Harry says, bringing Zayn’s glass of water to his lips so he can drink the contents of it. 

“I came out so that way you could have fun and if you’re having fun being drunk then I’m perfectly okay with it.” 

“Good,” Harry says, smiling at him. “Because we need more drinks. I’ll go get some from my friend.”


	19. Chapter 19

Zayn watches Harry from across the bar, watches as he waves excitedly to the bartender until he makes his way over to him. He can see Harry talking with his hands a lot, gesturing wildly as the bartender makes them drinks. The bartender, Olly looks over at Zayn, nodding his head a little and Zayn arches in eyebrow in confusion as he looks back at him, wondering what Harry is telling him. 

He turns away from the two of them scanning the crowd for Louis. He looks where he was before, sees the guys that were surrounding him but not Louis and as he continues to look around the bar he doesn’t see any signs of Louis and for a moment he feels a bout of panic rising in his chest as he does a once over the interior of the bar again. 

Zayn’s scanning the crowd and feels someone pinch his waist. He jumps, nearly toppling off his stool, as he turns around to see Louis behind him laughing. “Holy shit, you scared the shit out of me. Why would you do that?” Zayn asks, placing a hand over his pounding heart. 

“I saw you looking for someone and Harry is in sight so I realized it was me, I was already on my way over here but I thought I’d scare you,” Louis says, sliding onto the stool next to Zayn, still laughing at Zayn. 

And Zayn glares at him as he sits down, examines the flush of Louis’ cheeks, the hair sticking to his forehead because of sweat that formed while he was in the crowd of people, probably dancing with every guy that came near him. He knows from years of experience that Louis had too much to drink, not enough to worry about him, but enough to know that he’s on the verge of doing something crazy. Zayn hopes he can get him out of the bar before that happens. 

“You’re hilarious,” Zayn says. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

“I am,” Louis says, taking a sip of the drink in his hand. “I needed a rest though. See that guy over there?” Louis turns around in his chair and points over towards the group he was just standing in. “The one in the red shirt?”

Zayn follows the direction of Louis’ hand and sees a brunette with shaggy hair and bulky biceps standing on the far side of the bar, bottle of beer in his hand as he eyes Louis. “What about him?”

“Hot, right?” Louis says, turning back towards Zayn. “He’s been all over me. I think he wants to take me back to his place. I can’t take him back to mine because, well I haven’t been there in months, and I can’t take him back to Harry’s because that would be rude. But I think I might go with him.”

“What’s his name?” Zayn asks, and adds “and he’s all right,” as an afterthought. 

“Excuse me, we all can’t be as lucky as you are and nab Harry Styles as our drunken one night stand turned boyfriend turned pretty much father to your child turned love of your life. Excuse me,” Louis says, making a face and taking another drink from his cup. “I happen to think he’s gorgeous.” 

“Wow, calm down,” Zayn says, snatching the cup from Louis and taking a sip of his own. “And you didn’t answer the question, what’s his name?” Louis looks at him for a moment, pulling a face as he tries to think, and Zayn rolls his eyes. “You don’t even know his name, you’re not going home with him.”

“I didn’t tell you that you couldn’t go back home with Harry last year, did I?”

“You knew Harry, Liam knew Harry, everyone knew Harry before that night. He wasn’t a random guy at a bar. He wasn’t a complete stranger; well he was to me at least, but... No. No, we’re not going to talk about what I did with Harry,” Zayn says, taking another drink. “Is this because of your little hissy fit with Liam earlier?”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Louis says primly, taking his drink back from Zayn. “Get your own drink.”

“I’m trying,” Zayn says, pointing over towards Harry, three drinks placed in front of him but still talking with the bartender. “My social butterfly is distracted though.”

Louis takes a deep breath, rolls his eyes before he passes his drink back over towards Zayn. It’s half full and tastes like apples. It’s not something Zayn would normally drink, or Louis for that matter and he guess that red shirt guy across the bar bought it for him. 

“Was I awful to Liam?” Louis asks, biting his lip as he stares at Zayn with glassy eyes. 

“Honestly? Yes and no. Yes because you were being rude when you had no reason to be, and no because I know that you’re in love with him, and you’re hurting. I think you two just have a lot of shit you need to work out. And going home with the guy in the red shirt isn’t the answer to your problems, nor is it going to make anything better.”

Louis releases a deep breath, frowns at Zayn before he shakes his head. “I’m going back to dance,” he says, toppling off of the bar stool and leaving Zayn alone, his moment of vulnerability passing and replaced with a shield of attitude and indifference. 

Zayn sighs, shaking his head as he watches him go, grabbing a drink from Harry who is making his way back towards Zayn with drinks carefully clutched in his hands. 

“Louis said you were being an asshole and that I should be careful, but I brought drinks as a peace offering,” Harry says, setting the glasses down on the table and sitting next to Zayn. 

“He’s being an idiot, he’s just mad that I won’t let him go home with a stranger and told him he was being an ass to Liam. I’m not concerned with what he says about me. But I am concerned about what you took you so long.”

“Oh,” Harry says, his expression brightening. “My friend was making our drinks and I told him that I’m getting these for me and my boyfriend, and I said that you weren’t drunk yet. And he asked which one was my boyfriend again so I pointed you out to him and he looked at you, and um, then we talk about you. He asked me, um, some questions and stuff and I told him the answers. He said you were cute and I said that I knew that. But then Louis came over and sat down by you so I said I need a drink for my boyfriends best friend and then he asked if Louis was, like, our other boyfriend.”

“Okay,” Zayn says, interrupting him, holding his hand up and smiling at Harry. “This is taking forever. Basically you got into a conversation and came over when it was finished.”

Harry looks at him for a moment before nodding his head. “Exactly. But now, let’s drink, because I don’t want to talk anymore. I want to drink, and I want you to drink. You promised me, you swore on your heart that you would drink.” 

“I actually didn’t. But I will accept a drink. But under one condition, for every drink of alcohol that I have is a glass of water you need to drink,” Zayn says, picking up the glass in front of him. Harry pouts at him for a second, his bottom lip jutting out before he nods his head. 

They drink in silence, Zayn keeping his gaze on Louis’ dancing figure as he sandwiches himself between the man in the red shirt and a new one wearing plaid shorts and a white shirt. Zayn rolls his eyes, knows that neither of them are Louis’ type. Louis loves strong men, knows that much, but also knows that Louis doesn’t like anyone other than Liam, hasn’t since High School ended, and neither of those boys are Liam. But he knows Louis is determined and defiant about possibly going home with someone tonight and Zayn doesn’t have it in him to fight tonight, so he hopes that he can sober Harry up enough by the time they leave. 

“You’re thinking too much,” Harry says. Zayn glances over and sees him pouting at him. “Are you ready to leave?”

“No, sorry. I’m sorry. I was just checking on Louis. He’s… It’s fine. I’m fine. Besides, I haven’t even had enough to drink yet to decide to go home. I’d say about two more these though and I’ll be ready.”

“Oh good,” Harry says, leaning over to kiss Zayn’s cheek. “Did you know that I really, really love you? Like a lot.” 

“I did,” Zayn says, spinning his glass around so the contents inside of it stir, he brings it up to his lips, takes a long drink of it before he sets it back down. 

“And you really, really love me, right?”

Zayn nods his head. “Of course. Don’t think I’ve loved anyone else.” 

“Me either,” Harry says, making a face as he takes another sip of his drink. 

“I like that you’re a lovey drunk,” Zayn says, laughing at Harry. 

“Me too,” Harry says. “If I was any other kind of drunk then you would have never gone home with me that first night. Or, I actually went home with you. Do you remember that? I remember that. You were beautiful, and wonderful. And we had great sex.”

“I remember it quite well. You wouldn’t leave me alone after that,” Zayn says, his tone teasing. “Kept showing up everywhere that I went.”

“I forced Louis into inviting you the second time around, when you got mad at me for talking to the bartender. You liked me, always have. And I liked you, wanted to get you to tell me everything I could know about you, wanted to know everything about Niall. I couldn’t stay away from you, and then I fucked it all up but now we’re happy.”

“We are,” Zayn agrees, watching as Harry finishes off his own drink before grabbing Zayn’s and finishing his for him. 

“I’m going to get more drinks, and two waters. I remember the rules,” Harry says, winking at Zayn as he grabs their glasses and heads back to the bar. 

Zayn watches him go, keeps his gaze on him until he sees Harry talking to Olly the bartender again. He pulls out his phone while waits, sending a text to Liam asking him how Niall’s doing. 

He gets a reply almost instantly that reads: **he’s great. He’s sleeping.**

_Good. Did he behave himself?_

**Yessss. I fed him and then we sat down for a movie and some quality time with his blocks. I gave him ice cream, too.**

Zayn rolls his eyes, ready to tap out a response when his phone buzzes again in his hand. 

**I’m trying to earn back great uncle points since we haven’t spent time together in a long time. Don’t be mad!**

_Not angry, as long as he went to sleep and had fun._

**He did. Hope you guys are having fun.**

_Lots. Harry and Louis were drunk by the time I got here. Harry has made best friends with the bartender and Louis…is being Louis._

**Sounds like fun!! I’ll leave you three alone; I think I’m going to bed. Niall will be up early, see you tomorrow.**

Zayn glances up from his phone, looking up towards the bar and sees that Harry is no longer standing there. He peeks around, sees that he’s nowhere in sight. He’s not worried, not entirely at least, because he knows that even if Harry is piss drunk that he wouldn’t leave Zayn in a bar by himself. He figures that he stopped off in the bathroom, hopefully without their drinks. Zayn pushes himself off the stool, figures that he could use his own trip to the toilets instead of worrying about where Harry wondered off. 

He pushes his way through the crowd, making his way through the mass of people inside of it as he approaches the back. He follows a small hallway until he sees a door with an image of male on it, the word ‘boys’ written underneath it. He pushes the door open, apologizes to a man with blonde hair for nearly hitting him with it, and steps inside. 

It’s bigger than he thought, two private stalls in the back with three urinals next to it. He takes a moment to stop in front of the mirror, fixing his hair before he steps in front of one of the urinals. His hands are on his fly, ready to undo it when he hears the unmistakable sound of Harry giggling coming from one of the stalls. He steps back, bending over slightly and sees Harry’s recognizable, tatty brown boots. But he doesn’t spot just Harry’s boots, sees a pair of black vans with brown soles standing in the handicap stall as well. He recognizes them to be Louis’ and wonders why they’re standing in the stall together. 

He doesn’t think anything of it, trusts his best friend and his boyfriend enough to know that nothing would be going on, as he steps closer. The stall door is unlocked, an inch away from being closes properly so it makes it easy to swing the door open. 

And when he does Zayn doesn’t feel the need to pee anymore, wants to bend over the toilet and vomit it’s contents until it’s empty and there’s nothing more than bile, because Harry and Louis are standing together, Harry’s knee between Louis’ legs, mouths connected in a messy, wet kiss. Zayn’s stomach drops at the sight, churning. His hearts in his throat and his knees feel weak when he catches sight that both of their pants are undone, their hands inside of each other’s jeans. They don’t notice he’s there, don’t still there motions or show any signs of stopping. And no matter how hard he tries Zayn can’t get his mouth to formulate words or sounds to alert them of his presences, so he turns around, letting the door swing shut behind him as he stumbles out of the bathroom and makes his way back over to the table he was sitting at before. 

His stomach is still tight, his heart pounding and aching as he drops down onto the stool. He can feel his sinuses prickling as tears form in his eyes. He works hard to steady his breathing, trying to calm himself down as he waits for Harry and Louis to come out of the bathroom.


	20. Chapter 20

Zayn’s body feels like it’s seizing, shaking so much that he can hardly achieve coordinated actions. His vision is blurred from the tears that are threatening to spill over, but he refuses to let them fall, wipes at his eyes roughly to stop them. He won’t let himself lose his dignity in the back of a club where a hundred other people are enjoying themselves, but he doesn’t have much left to lose, figures his dignity is laying on the filthy bathroom floor with his heart anyway so what does it matter that he’s crying, that his body is shaking, and he feels like he could break down at any moment. 

He doesn’t know how long it’s been, his only measure of time determined by the cab he called shortly after he stumbled out of the bathroom. But when he sees Harry and Louis leave the bathroom together he finds that he wants to throw up all over again, any notice of time, even with the cab, is lost. They’re not acting like anything happened; they appear to be in conversation about something as they approach the table. But the thing is, Zayn’s been friends with Louis long enough to know what he looks like post orgasm, has been with Harry long enough and has been the cause of enough of them to know when Harry’s had an one as well. So he knows, just by glancing at them, that what he saw in the bathroom was followed through in some way. 

Zayn drops his head in his hands, taking deep calming breaths as he listens to the stools scrape against the ground next to him. His phone buzzes on the table; a quick glance tells him that the cab he called for is outside waiting for them. He pulls his face out of his hands, grabs his phone and stuffs it in his pocket. He glances over and sees Harry is smiling at him, sipping a drink through a straw. Zayn honestly has no idea where he got it from, sees one in front of him as well. 

“There’s a cab outside,” Zayn says, and he can barely recognize the sound of his own voice. It’s a forced calm, but still shaky on the edges as he stands up. 

“Are we leaving?” Harry asks with a pout. “I thought we were going to stay for a while, you haven’t even finished your drink.”

“Harry, just get off the stool and let’s go. Louis too.” Harry looks at him for a moment, trying to finish his drink as he stumbles off the stool. Louis follows his actions, his eyes hooded as he walks ahead of Zayn towards the entrance of the bar. Harry sets his glass on the table and reaches out for Zayn’s hand, only to be rejected. “Just walk to the cab, please,” Zayn says, his voice pleading. 

Harry frowns at him, walking next to Zayn, continually trying to interlock their fingers together. “Are you mad at me?”

“Please, not now,” Zayn says. “Just leave me alone, please. I only want to go home, that’s all I want right now.” He doesn’t look at Harry when he says it, pushes the exit door open and sees Louis puking in the alley next to the bar. He rolls his eyes as the sight, considers leaving him there for a moment. “Harry, get in the cab.” 

He doesn’t bother checking to see if Harry listens, knows when he hears a car door open that he did, but goes to get Louis. He’s spitting out the remnants of his vomit onto the ground when Zayn reaches him. 

“Oh god,” Louis groans, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. Zayn has a hard time feeling sympathetic for his friend as he watches him gag. He can feel his sadness and anger swirling around in his stomach, considers asking him if the vomit is from kissing Harry or if it’s from the alcohol, but he bites his tongue, he doesn’t want to cause a scene. 

“Probably shouldn’t drink so much,” Zayn says, figuring he should say something. “Makes you do stupid shit.”

“Like throwing up in an alley?” Louis says, standing up and looking at Zayn. He stumbles a bit, leans against the brick building for support. 

“I’d guess that’s not the stupidest thing you’ve done tonight,” Zayn says. “Get in the cab, we’re going home.”

Louis nods his head, walks ahead of Zayn and stumbles into the cab, choosing to sit in front next to the driver instead of next to Harry. Zayn struggles with his decision to get in the cab, doesn’t want to be in a confined space with the two of them but knows that it’s necessary to get home. He wishes that he didn’t care enough, wants to leave them at the bar, but knows that he’d come back for them at some point. 

He sighs as he slides into the car, rattling off his address to the driver as he settles into the seat. He can feel Harry looking at him but avoids looking back at him, images his mouth connected to Louis’, his hand hidden inside of Louis’ jeans keeps flashing through his mind. He squeezes his eyes shut, pinches the bridge of his nose as the city flashes by outside of his window. 

Zayn feels a hand on his knee shortly followed by a pair of lips on his temple, the smell of alcohol swirling around and tainting the air as Harry slides next to him. 

“Are you okay?”

“No, not really,” Zayn says, turning to look at Harry. “And can you please get off of me?” He shrugs out of Harry’s touch, pushing himself closer to the car door. “Just stay on your side, please.”

Harry looks at him for a moment, deep frown spreading across his features as he nods his head, sliding back across the seat to the other side. 

~~~ 

When they get back to Zayn’s apartment, after a short drive but a long and tiring process of trying to get two drunken people back into his apartment; a struggle in itself with Harry throwing up in the bushes in front of the building, Louis almost falling down the stairs when he tripped over his foot, and Harry hanging off of Zayn as he tries to unlock the door. But he manages, forcing them both into the apartment and kicking the door shut behind him. Louis rushes to the bathroom, clutching his mouth and bumping into the walls as he goes. 

Zayn makes his way down the hall, Harry following close behind him as he makes his way into his bedroom and into the adjoining bathroom where he grabs the trashcan, carrying it back out and setting it down next to the bed. Harry is struggling out of his clothes when Zayn looks up. 

“You can sleep in here for the night.”

“Where are you sleeping?” Harry asks. “I want to sleep with you.”

“I don’t know where I’m sleeping, either on the couch or in Niall’s room. I put the bin next to the bed, if you throw up do it in there, or in the bathroom, but you know, incase you can’t make it then you have options. Try and stay in here tonight, yeah?”

“Are you mad at me? I don’t understand. You said you were fine. You told me and now you’re mad,” Harry says, frowning up at Zayn. 

Zayn takes a deep breath, doesn’t want to have this conversation while Harry is drunk. He wants to confront the both of them, wants to yell and scream, possibly throw something against the wall but he deserves an honest answer and he doesn’t think that’s something two people under the influence of alcohol can give him. And he’s angrier now with the two of them acting like nothing has happened, but he doesn’t knows what to say, knows that one drink wouldn’t mess with his mind and make him see what he saw. But he can’t do this right now, not when he can hear the sounds of his best friend retching into the toilet, and not when Harry is looking at him with sad, puppy eyes, only one arm out of his shirt, his pants to knees and the prominent cum stain on his boxers.

“Get some sleep,” Zayn says as he closes the door behind him. He takes a moment to spare a glance into the bathroom, sees Louis resting his head on the seat, his eyes closed. He figures he’s fine for the night, can move himself wherever he wants to be when he feels like moving, he doesn’t have it in him to care right now. He feels suffocated, the image of cum on Harry’s boxes solidifying that he didn’t make up the events of the night, that the images plaguing his mind actually happened and his best friend and his boyfriend hooked up in the bathroom in the back of a bar. 

He makes his way down the hall, grabbing a jacket as he makes his way out of his apartment, he doesn’t know where he’s going, just knows that he doesn’t want to be where he is, wants to get some air, and find a way to clear his head. So he leaves, locking his apartment door behind him as he makes his way out into the city. 

The air is crisp, nipping at his skin as he walks but he welcomes it, hopes it’ll make him cold enough and distract his mind from thinking about Harry and Louis, he wants to think about anything else in the world, even if that means the crisp air surrounding him. 

He can see it so clearly, the way Louis and Harry were molded together, their bodies pressed together, remembers the noises that Harry was making, the quiet giggle that gave away their presence. 

For a split second he blames himself, wonders what it is about himself that ruins everything relationship he’s ever been in. He thinks back on growing up, remembers all failed friendships and relationships he had, all the people who have hurt him throughout his life. But he knows that he did nothing wrong, that he pushed the boundaries of his comfort zone in order to make Harry happy. He feels stupid for not knowing, stupid for letting Louis go and live with Harry. He should have known, wonders how he couldn’t. He wonders if this was the first time, or if this was a series of events that have been going on behind his back for months now. It’s so close to their one year, a few short months separating them from the milestone, one year that Zayn expected to turn into two, then five, then ten, and so on. 

He never expected there to be an end, never wanted there to be one, but he feels like there could be, now at least. He thinks there might be an end to the part of his life he thought would live on until he was living no more. 

Zayn watches as it plays out a million different ways in his head, the scene inside the bathroom stall. He could have interrupted the two of them, thrown a proper fit, yelled, and demanded explanations, until he got them. He plays the explanations over in his mind, imagines what their excuses would be about getting caught until imagination Zayn get’s angry and storms out of the scene, only to be replaced with another Zayn, one that feels anger instead of sadness, one that breaks Harry and Louis. Angry imagination Zayn would have punched Louis in the mouth, told Harry off before he rushed back to Liam’s apartment for Niall. He seems himself waiting for them at the table at the front of the bar, seeing them approaching in the same way they did earlier, only this time instead of not mentioning it and choosing to leave, he demands answers, causes a scene until they’re kicked out of the bar. Or instead of waiting for them at the table he could have run off to Liam’s apartment, spent the night curled around Niall and trying to forget what happened. 

It’s all a bunch of what if’s because none of these options would erase what happened, none of them would take the pain away and would stop the movie playing inside of his head that only shows the scene of Harry and Louis together. It’s branded onto his brain and Zayn doesn’t think it’ll ever go away. 

He walks for what feels like hours, his feet aching, his legs wanting to give way, his chest cramping from something other than heartbreak. He’s been walking but he hasn’t seen anything, doesn’t know what streets he’s turning onto, doesn’t know where his legs are guiding him. He only knows that he doesn’t want to go back home, doesn’t want to return to the harsh reality of his life. 

He doesn’t know where he’s at until he finds himself standing in front of a brown door, the number 18 on it. He recognizes it as Liam’s door, thinks he must have gotten here from memory, his subconscious leading him to where his own only comfort, and trust lays, with his son. He hesitates on knocking, doesn’t want to wake up Niall up, makes up his mind as he reaches into his pocket and digs out his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he reaches Liam’s name. He hears the phone ringing in his ear, and he silently begs Liam to answer. He can hear it ringing inside of the apartment, sounding like it’s coming from the other side of the door. 

He’s about to give up and try again but then the ringing stops and he hears, “hello?” Liam’s voice is groggy and rough, the letters slurred together. Zayn feels bad for a moment, questions on if he should leave or not until Liam says, “Zayn?”

“Yeah, yeah it’s me. Can you let me in?”

“Let you in where?” Liam asks, Zayn hears a shuffling, sees the front room light turn on. 

“Your apartment. I’m outside,” Zayn says, biting his lip. He hangs up his phone, stuffing it back in his apartment as he listens to Liam make his way towards the door. 

It swings open to reveal a tired looking Liam, his hair is disheveled, shirt missing along with his left sock as he lets Zayn into his apartment. 

“What are you doing here?” Liam asks, locking the door behind him. 

“You’re sleeping on the couch?” Zayn asks, staring at the bundle of blankets bunched up at the end of the sofa, a pillow at the other end. 

“Oh, yeah. I figured it’s best for Niall to sleep somewhere he wouldn’t fall off and hurt himself. He was also lying diagonally so he has a nice portion of the bed, it’s fine though, the couch is actually really comfortable,” Liam says, yawning behind his hand. “Did you come over here to find out where we’re sleeping?”

“No,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “I was out for a walk and next thing I knew I was on your doorstep. I guess my mind knew where I was going when I didn’t.” 

“You walked here? Holy shit, Zayn, that’s like, five miles. Why would you do that? Where are Harry and Louis?”

Liam’s looking at him in such concern, like he actually cares why Zayn would walk five miles alone at night, or that he’s actually worried about where Harry and Louis are. He doesn’t know what about Liam’s expression that does it but Zayn feels himself break in that moment, his chest bursting open, emotions pouring out of him, everything that was locked away when he stumbled out of the bathroom of the bar, and back to his apartment, and through the sleeping city is tumbling out of him in the middle of Liam’s living room. “Oh god,” Zayn says, feeling the raw pain of what happened hit him, his heart cracking and breaking into a million little pieces. The tears that threatened to spill earlier are now falling freely, soaking his cheeks and dampening his shirt as they fall. 

“Shit, Zayn,” Liam says right before Zayn feels him pulling him into his chest, wrapping his arms around him and holding on tight. And Zayn sobs onto his bare shoulder, his body feels like it’s convulsing with the pain of it, sharp aches radiating from his chest, his legs going weak underneath him as he cries. Liam’s arms tighten around him to support him better, one hand rubbing circles on his back as he tries his hardest to calm Zayn down. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Zayn cries, pulling away from Liam and doing his best to stop the tears. “I didn’t mean to come in here and cry all over you. I don’t even know why I’m here, I need to see Niall.” 

“He’s in the other room, he’s sleeping though. And you should probably calm down before you see him, if he wakes up then he’s going to be worried about you. It might scare him, or make him upset.”

“Yeah, fuck. You’re right,” Zayn says, sitting down on the couch, rubbing at his eyes. “I’m so sorry for coming over here and just crying on you.” He hiccups at the end, feels as he starts to quiver, his body refusing to calm down. His chest is rising and falling rapidly, sobs still trying to break free, as he works to calm himself down. 

Liam sits down next to him, places a hand on his back and tells him to breathe in and out slowly. He works Zayn through it, gets him to the point where he’s able to breathe, tears no longer running down his face. “Can you talk to me? What happened?” 

Zayn shakes his head, doesn’t want to tell Liam what happened. He knows how Liam still feels about Louis, could tell when they saw each other earlier in the day. It’s obvious to anyone that knows the two of them that they still care about each other, still love each other despite the fact they’re no longer together, and he doesn’t want to be the one to hurt Liam. He doesn’t want Liam to feel the heavy weight on his chest, the tight knot in his stomach that Zayn is feeling. 

“I don’t want to tell you,” Zayn says, looking at Liam. 

“It can’t be any worse than what’s playing out in my mind. You showed up here in the middle of the night, walked five miles to get here, and broke down in my living room. Zayn, please just tell me something,” Liam pleads. 

“I saw them.”

“Saw who?”

Zayn bites his lip, fresh tears forming in his eyes as he looks away from Liam. “Harry and Louis. We were having a good night. Louis had a bit of an attitude, he was trying to have a good time, was trying to forget you or something, I don’t know. He was off doing his own thing but Harry and I, he was drunk, but it was cute. He was being so sweet to me, kept saying he loved me, and stuff. Everything was fine. He went to go get drinks, I couldn’t see him but I figured he just got distracted. I went to the bathroom and I saw them.” Zayn feels Liam’s fingers dig into his back a little as he tells the story, struggling to get out what he saw. “They were in the stall together, they were—they were together and they were, fuck. They were kissing and touching each other. I left, I don’t know what happened but I saw it,” Zayn chokes, looking back at Liam as he removes his hand from Zayn’s back. He’s staring at him, shaking his head. 

“He…why would he? I don’t… Louis?” 

Zayn nods his head, biting his lip as he watches Liam’s face fall. 

“But… how long?”

“I don't know,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “I brought them back to my apartment and then I walked here. I couldn’t be around them. I just couldn't. I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Liam says, pulling Zayn in for another hug. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” He rubs at Zayn’s back again, does his best to soothe Zayn as he cries onto Liam’s shoulder again, he can feel Liam’s body shaking, knows that he’s not crying but knows that he hurt Liam by telling him. 

Liam hugs him until he’s done crying, until his eyes feel dry, his nose stuff and runny at the same time, choking on his breath until it finally comes out a few tries later. Zayn’s resting his body weight on him, listening as Liam shushes him and does his best to make everything better, it doesn’t work, but Zayn appreciates being able to cry on someone. 

He pulls away slowly, rubbing at his eyes as he does. “I’m going to go see Niall and then I’m heading home. I’ll walk back.”

“Zayn, you can’t walk home. Go into my bedroom and sleep for a few hours. I’ll drive you home in the morning before Louis and Harry get up, they’ll be hung-over so it won’t be until about lunchtime anyway. Go get some sleep.”

Zayn shakes his head. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep for a while. It’s fine, I need to take care of it. And if I stay until the morning then Niall will wake up and see me, and I don’t think I’d be able to leave him.”

“Okay,” Liam says, giving in. “But I’m going to call you a cab. I’ll pay for it. You’re not walking back, it’s late.”

Zayn smiles at him, mutter a quiet thank you as Liam pulls out his phone before he makes his way through the apartment to find Niall. 

He’s sprawled out across Liam’s bed, the blankets covering only one leg, his shirt riding up to show his stomach, one arm curled close to his body with his stuffed lion in his hand. His bear and monkey are lying next to him haphazardly. His head is in the middle of the bed, nowhere near the pillows that are lying across the top. Zayn feels the heavy weight on his chest lessen as he looks at his son sleeping, makes his way across the room to cover Niall with the blankets. He pushes the hair off Niall’s forehead, pulling it back so he can kiss the skin. Apart of him wants to crawl into the bed with Niall, wrap himself up in the blankets and forget the world around him but a bigger part of him knows that he needs to go back to his apartment, needs to wait it out until the morning when he can find out what happened with Louis and Harry. So he kisses Niall one more time, and makes his way out of the apartment. 

~~~

When Zayn gets home his apartment is quiet, he can hear Harry snoring in his bedroom, his snore always worsens when he goes to sleep drunk. Zayn forces himself not to feel fond at the thought as he toes his shoes off, shrugging off his jacket and dropping it onto the ground. He looks up and sees Louis standing in the area between the kitchen and the living room; he’s staring at Zayn, watching him closely. 

“Leaving?” Zayn asks. Zayn looks at him, notes that Louis is sobering up. There is still alcohol in his system but Zayn doesn’t have to worry about if he makes it home or not. 

“I thought I’d make it out of here before you got back,” Louis says. 

“Why would you want to leave before I got back? Zayn questions, testing to see if Louis will admit to what happen. 

“Harry just fell asleep, he kept asking me if you were angry, said you were being mean to him. He said you told him to stay in your bedroom and he was worried about you. He passed out in the hallway, had to drag him back into your bedroom by his arms, took me about a half hour to get him back onto the bed.” 

“Okay,” Zayn says. “Still doesn’t tell me why you’d want to leave before I got back.” 

“Harry made it sound like you didn’t want either of us here, figured it’d be best if I was gone.”

Zayn shakes his head, makes his way across the room and sits down on the couch. “You’re full of shit. But I’m too tired to care, or to deal with it. So just go home.”

It’s quiet for a moment, the two of them at each other until Zayn breaks the gaze, turning to look at the windows across the room. He knows that Louis remembers what happened, has known him long enough that he’s able to tell just by looking at him. He’s not sure if he remember the whole time or if Harry’s rambling sobered him up enough into remembrance. 

“Zayn, I’m sorry,” Louis says. 

Zayn doesn’t bother looking at him, just takes a deep breath and lies back on the couch. “Just leave me alone, Louis. Go home.”

He doesn’t look up to see Louis’ face when he says. It’s silent for a few minutes before he hears his apartment door opening and closing, a sign that Louis finally left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so it's clear, this story has been carefully planned out, every single detail, and the last chapter was planned in the middle of 'Trust Me' being written, so what happened in the bar wasn't me making a desperate ploy to make the story interesting. It's what I wanted to happen. 
> 
> So sit tight and see how it plays out, I promise that it was not an action that was not thoroughly thought out, and planned ahead of time. I plan out all of my stories before I start them so I'm never stuck wondering what to do next. This was going to happen sooner or later, it was supposed to be sooner, but y'all got lucky and I pushed it back.


	21. Chapter 21

Zayn hasn't slept by the time he hears the shower start, doesn't know what time it is, or how long he's been lying on his couch, looking up at the ceiling. He hasn't moved since Louis left, his legs finally beginning to feel numb from walking five miles to Liam's place as he lies there, waiting. A part of him wishes he could be there, with Niall, and that he could have been drowning in his own thoughts, watching as the red glow of the sunrise bleeds through the blinds and filters through the room while he watched his son sleep. His apartment has been too quiet, the sound of cars and people outside muffled by the walls, the snores and groans leaving his bedroom from Harry not even able to penetrate the overwhelming sound of his thoughts. 

He pulls himself into a sit, his body stiff from not having moved for several hours, and makes his way into the kitchen. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, knows that he needs to find something to do with his hands to stop them from shaking while he waits for Harry. He settles for making coffee, goes through the motions, the process taking longer than normal because he can’t get his hands to do what he wants with them, but he doesn’t finish because the shower is turning off and his fight or flight instincts kick in. 

Zayn abandons the coffee, runs his fingers through his hair as he prepares himself for what he knows is going to come. He’s thought about this for hours, since he took the cab home from Liam’s apartment, since he lied on his own couch for hours after his best friend, former best friend, he doesn’t know anymore, had left. 

He sits down in one of the kitchen chairs, wills himself to not flee the apartment and to wait for Harry to enter the room so they can talk. He’s been thinking about this but his mind is blank, he doesn’t know how to approach Harry about what happened, isn’t sure that Harry will remember, but knows that he needs to talk to him. Apart of him wants to let it go, wants to see if Harry will say anything to him, or let it go and try to go back to being happy. He knows he can’t though, the image of Harry with Louis is branded onto his mind and he hasn’t been able to stop replaying what happened in his head since he saw it. He can’t quiet his mind and can’t do anything other think about it, and relive it in his head. 

Harry enters the kitchen, damp hair falling in his face, a pair of Zayn's sweats hung low on his hips, as he pulls one of Zayn's shirts over his head. Zayn doesn't say anything, just sits on the kitchen chair and waits as Harry shuffles across the room, pouting when he sees there is no food, and slides into the chair next to Zayn, pushing it closer so he can rest his head on Zayn's shoulder. Zayn's body tenses underneath him at the contact, causing Harry to pull away slowly and frown at Zayn. 

"What's wrong?" Harry asks, looking at Zayn, trying to read him as he brushes some of his hair out of his eyes. Zayn doesn't answer, just continues to stare at the tabletop. "Zayn?" 

"Um, I--I don't... Do you remember last night?" Zayn asks, sparing a side-glance over at Harry, whose brow furrows as he thinks. 

"I... not really. I remember leaving my house with Louis and getting some drinks, and maybe something to eat. He was angry with Liam; I just let him vent it out and kept feeding him alcohol. Or maybe he kept feeding me alcohol. We walked to the bar and drank... a lot. Louis met some guy, some gorilla with a red shirt, and went off to dance with him and the last thing I remember is making fun of him with the bartender. I don't even remember you showing up. Did you not find us?" 

Zayn shakes his head. "No, I found you. I found you a few times." 

"Are you mad because we got drunk? I don't remember what happened. Was I a pain to bring home? Or, well you said you found us a few times, did we run off on your or something?"

Zayn doesn't answer, releases a deep breath instead and feels as his insides twist. He shakes a little, his body trembling because he knows that Harry is telling the truth that he doesn’t remember, can see it in the genuine concern and confusion on Harry’s face. It makes it harder to know that Harry doesn’t remember he cheated, thinks that the only thing he’s done wrong is get drunk. 

“Zayn, fuck, you’re shaking. Can you talk to me? What happened?” Harry asks, reaching out to run a comforting hand along Zayn’s back. Zayn pulls away at the touch, struggles out of his chair as he remembers the same hand being buried inside of his friend’s pants. “Zayn?”

“You… Um, Louis… You two kissed,” Zayn says, struggling to say it. His tongue feels heavy as he says it, his stomach tightening, and the familiar feeling of bile rising up in his throat at the reminder of the harsh reality of what happened. 

Harry looks at him for a moment, shaking his head slowly as he frowns before his face lights up in recognition as his mouth drops open slightly. “Zayn, that wasn’t… It’s not something. We, fuck, did I tell you about that last night? Zayn, it was months ago," Harry says, and Zayn feels like his body has shut down at the words, the admission that this has happened more than once. His legs feel like they’re going to collapse underneath him, his heart breaking even more, his stomach knotting up once again. 

"This isn't the first time?" Zayn asks, feeling as his nose tingles and his eyes fill up with tears. 

"What are you talking about? It never happened again, it was the one time, right after Louis had moved into my place, and he was upset, he'd been crying on me and I guess his emotions got the better of him because he had kissed me. It wasn't anything and afterwards we both had said he shouldn't have done that. We didn't want to tell you because... Zayn, I didn't want to hurt your feelings. It wasn't anything, and we should have said something, but you had finally stopped trying to convince yourself, and me, that we weren't going to work out. You were happy, we were happy, and I didn't want to ruin that. Louis and I decided it was stupid to tell you because it was a mistake and shouldn’t have happened, and it never happened again," Harry says. 

“That’s not… I didn't even know about that,” Zayn says, frowning deeper. “You kissed my best friend?” 

“It was once, just the one time,” Harry says, his eyes pleading with Zayn. “I thought you knew, that’s why you’d say something right? It was once. Or, okay technically twice. But it’s never happened again, and it wasn’t anything. Louis and talked about it, and we didn’t want you to know about it. And not because we didn’t want to get caught but because neither of us wanted to hurt you, it was stupid and it didn’t mean anything.”

"Until last night." 

“Last night?” We didn’t,” Harry says, shaking his head in confusion. “What are you talking about?” 

“When I met up with you two last night you were both drunk, Louis was with a group of people on the other side of the room and you were at the bar. We got a table and you and I spent the night there, together. You had left to go get drinks, Louis came over and talked to me for a while, he was still angry about what happened with Liam. He wanted to hook up with some stranger but I didn’t think it was a good idea; he stomped off when you came back. He was drunk; I didn’t want him to get hurt or to do something he’d regret,” Zayn explains, rubbing at his eyes. 

“Everything was fine until you went to get more drinks for the second time, you were gone for a while and I couldn’t find you in the crowd, I didn’t think anything of it, thought that you had been talking to someone, so I got up to go to the bathroom. And when I got in there I thought I was alone until I heard you giggle in one of the stalls. I peeked under it to make sure it was you, saw your stupid shoes, but there were other shoes. I knew… I knew they were Louis’ and the stall was left open so pushed the door open and you were kissing him, and touching him. You both had your pants open and you were touching each other.”

Harry is shaking his head, his eyes tearing up as he listens to Zayn. Zayn can’t look at him as he finishes telling his story, has to cast his eyes down to the ground, his vision blurred from tears, but he has to finish. He needs to tell Harry the rest of what happened. 

“I didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t get my mouth to form words or sounds, so I walked out. I went and sat back at our table and waited for you. I waited for so long for you two to come out of the restroom, and when you finally did it was like nothing happened. You came back with drinks, and Louis and you both sat down, like it was okay what you did. You didn't even act like you hadn’t just been together in the bathroom with your… kissing and touching. I had to bring you two both back here and neither of you showed any signs of knowing until Louis tried to sneak out of the apartment.” 

“You’re lying,” Harry says, shaking his head and rubbing at his eyes. He clears his nose, and continues to shake his head. “You’re not… I didn’t do that.” 

“You did. You were in a bathroom of some dingy bar with my best friend. I saw the cum on your underwear,” Zayn says, taking a seat at the table across from Harry. “I’m not making this up. I’ve been seeing it play out in my head for twelve hours now, and if I could find a way to take it out of my mind and let you see it then I would, but I can’t, and all I can do is tell you that it happened. I haven’t slept because even when I close my eyes it’s all I see. I just see you two together.” 

“Exactly, you haven’t slept,” Harry says, standing up, rounding the table and trying to ease Zayn out of the chair. “You’re tired and you need to sleep. I need you to lie down and rest because you’re talking crazy.” 

“Harry, let go,” Zayn says, pulling away from Harry when he’s standing up. “Why would I make this up?”

“Because. Do you know how many times you’ve thought I was cheating on you? You thought so with that bartender, with Nick, with Taylor, and never was I doing anything wrong. I’ve never done anything to ruin this relationship. I came back and proved myself after I got scared when Niall called me Daddy, and I made sure that you knew I was serious about you both when I came back. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be, and I would never cheat on you,” Harry says. 

“Except you did,” Zayn replies. “And not even the one time like I thought. Louis’ my best friend, you’re my boyfriend, and you two… You said that you would never cheat on me but you did. You kissed my best friend, twice apparently, and then hid it from me, and then you hooked up with him in a bathroom while I was sitting alone in a fucking bar by myself, waiting for you while you stroked my best friend’s dick.” 

“I didn’t. Zayn, that never happened. It couldn’t have.” 

“Why would I make something up like this? Why would I take my own heart and break it?” 

“You do this, you find reasons to believe that we don’t belong together and you find reasons that I’m not a good boyfriend to you, but I am. I wouldn’t do that. The thing with Louis before was an accident, he was upset and we both agreed that it shouldn’t have happened and it never would again. We didn’t want to tell you because we knew this would take place, we knew you would come up with these ideas that haven’t happened. And I didn’t hook up with Louis in a public restroom.”

“I wouldn’t make this up, you and Louis, my boyfriend and my best friend? Do you really think that I’d make up something like this? I saw it. I saw you two together. Do you really think that about me, that I’d make something up in head because I love being miserable?”

“No, we just didn’t want you to think that you and I didn’t have a chance. And maybe I should have told you but Zayn, I didn’t want you to get hurt.” 

“I am hurt, Harry,” Zayn says, raising his voice a little. “I’m hurt. I saw my best fucking friend, someone I’ve known since I was four years old, with someone that is pretty much another father to my child. Do you have any idea what that’s like? Do you know how much that hurts? Could you just imagine, could imagine walking in on me doing something like that with Nick, or Liam, or even Louis, thinking it was the first time but then learning that it’s happened on multiple occasions? If you cared about me, even a little bit, you would have told me what happened between you and Louis. You being honest with me wouldn’t have hurt as much as me finding out by stumbling in on your two in the bathroom.” 

“Zayn, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I just didn’t want to see you like this; I thought I was protecting you. I don’t remember doing anything wrong last night though, I swear. I don’t remember, and I don’t think I would do something like that. I just, I can’t remember,” Harry says. 

“It happened,” Zayn says, swallowing thickly. “I know that in the beginning, and even recently, I’ve had my thoughts about you cheating, but it’s just… you’re so friendly, and everyone loves you, and it made me insecure, because I’ve never had anyone in my life that’s wanted to care about me as openly as you have, but I never thought that I’d witness it happening. I thought it’d be hidden until you just left, because I kept convincing myself that you would leave, but you never did. And I got comfortable in that thought, that you’d never leave, and you’d never cheat. Especially not with Louis, who I should have known would do something like this eventually.” 

Harry frowns in confusion, titling his head down so he’s back inside of Zayn’s vision. “Louis would never do anything to hurt you.” 

“Louis lost his virginity to my first boyfriend, some kid that cheated on me with a girl because I didn’t want to have sex with him. We didn’t talk for eight months, until we were at the same party and I got drunk and some stranger raped me in the bathroom. It’s why I didn’t want Louis to go home with that guy in the bar; I didn’t want what happened to me to happen to him. He was drunk and angry, and I should have known that he’d do something to spite me but I didn’t think that he’d take his anger, and resentment that I had a boyfriend and he take it to the next level, and I didn’t think you’d play along with it.”

“You didn’t tell me that happened to you,” Harry says. “Why wouldn’t you tell me about that?”

“It’s not something people just bring up in conversation, Harry. Besides that, I’m fine, and what happened to me in the past isn’t what I want to talk about. I want to talk about what you did to me now, what you did with Louis.” 

“I didn’t do anything with Louis, I don’t think. Fuck, I wish I could remember, but I can’t, and it doesn’t change what happened but Zayn, I’m so sorry. I don’t know, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.” 

“I want to forgive you but I can’t, maybe with some stranger but not with my best friend. I just can’t forgive you,” Zayn says, shaking his head. 

Harry frowns at him, his voice breaking when he says, “What does that mean?”

“It means that I’ve lived a life filled with people that always end up hurting me, or doing me wrong, and for the longest time I accepted it, but I can’t do that anymore. I have a son, and my life affects his life, and I can’t have people who do me wrong in it any longer,” Zayn says, trying to keep a brave face as he says it, staring at Harry’s shoulder instead of his face because he doesn’t want to know what Harry’s reaction is to all of this. He knows that he’s upset, heard the break in Harry’s voice and the whimper of his when Zayn finished his sentence. 

“Zayn,” Harry says, and Zayn can hear the pleading tone in his voice. 

“I think you should go,” Zayn says. 

“You don’t mean that,” Harry says, and Zayn looks up to see that Harry’s face is red, his lips plumper, and his eyes crying. “You want me to go?” 

“I do.” 

“Is this a test? If I leave does that mean we’re over? Because I don’t want to leave if it means that you’re finished with me, you can’t. I’m… Zayn, I love you, I do, and I’m… I’m Daddy, you can’t… I can’t just leave.”

“I love you, too, but I can’t be with you anymore. I need you to leave, please. Don’t make this harder than it already is, please just leave,” Zayn says, doing his best to plead with Harry. 

Harry looks at him for a moment, takes a shaky breath as he nods his head. He looks like he wants to argue it, like he wants to beg Zayn to change his mind, and Zayn is grateful that he doesn’t. Zayn knows that if Harry tried hard enough that Zayn would let him stay, would let him talk him out of what he knows needs to happen. He doesn’t want to watch Harry go, can barely watch as Harry fumbles around Zayn’s apartment looking for a pair of shoes that he’s left over here. He’s still wearing Zayn’s clothes, the ones he put on this morning. Zayn sees him as he rubs at his eyes while he puts on his shoes, and Zayn steps into the living room, passes Harry and opens his front door, holding it open as Harry watches him. 

“I know I’ve already said it, and I’ll never be able to say it enough, but I really love you, Niall, too. I love you both, so much, and I’m sorry,” Harry says, leaving the apartment. 

Zayn swallows thickly, doesn’t get the chance to reply because Harry is already gone, so he closes the door, resting his head against it when it’s shut. He takes a deep breath before he slides down onto the floor, resting his head against the wall as his emotions begin to get the best of him, and he cries, big childlike tears rolling down his cheeks as he lets go of everything he’s been holding in since Harry admitted what happened with Louis in the past.


	22. Chapter 22

Zayn pulls himself together an hour after Harry had left his apartment, managing to stop his tears from falling, stop his chest from heaving, and standing up from his spot on the floor. He wants nothing more than to crawl into bed and spend the day there, trapped underneath the blankets and blocking out the rest of the world, but he can’t, not when Niall is still with Liam. So he pulls himself together, taking a shower and changing into a fresh pair of clothes, washing away the tears from his face before he makes his way to Liam’s place. 

He chooses to walk, forcing his tired body to walk the five miles to Liam’s house so he can clear his mind, trying to process the conversation he just had with Harry, the one where he ended things, breaking it off yet again, this time a feeling of permanence surrounding it. Before he had always broken up with Harry because of his insecurities, confidence issues that lead him to believe he could never be with the curly-haired boy, that he didn’t deserve to be with Harry, but this time… This time there is solid proof behind Zayn’s reason for breaking up with Harry. He finally doesn’t look crazy, or insecure, because he knows he did the right thing. It doesn’t feel good, his heart still feels shattered in his chest, his stomach still tied in knots, but he knows that for the first time, in a long time, he’s not the one to blame for what happened between them. 

It feels like it’s been a lifetime since he saw Harry and Louis hooking up in the bathroom stall, like he didn’t just leave a conversation that ended in the broken hearts of two people. He couldn’t imagine it, Harry cheating on him, and it feels like a dream, like an out of body experience where someone was showing him what his life could become if he didn’t begin to change his ways, but he had. He’d tried his hardest to be enough for Harry, to swallow his insecurities and work through them when they popped up. He tried to change, wanted to adapt his lifestyle to accommodate more of what Harry wanted to do, to partake in things that made Harry happy besides staying at him with Niall. He thought it would be good for their relationship, would bring them closer together, strengthening their bond, but instead, it tore them apart. Their first night doing what Harry loves to do and it broke…everything. It didn’t matter that Zayn changed because it still ended horribly for them. 

Zayn walks through the city, his head held down so he doesn’t have to see anyone, doesn’t want to see people living their lives without a gaping hole in their chest. He wants the world to feel the pain he does, but despite knowing that someone on the other side of town is feeling the exact same way as he is, it doesn’t change anything. He wants to fix it, but he knows that sometimes what’s broken can’t be fixed. And he knows that someone on the other side of town, lying in his own bed, trapped underneath the blankets, and locking out the world is Harry, and Zayn can’t let himself think about that, not when he has his own heart to deal with. 

Zayn rounds the corner to Liam’s place, makes his way to the door, knocking on it, and waiting for Liam to answer. He feels antsy waiting for Liam to answer the door, he’s ready to see Niall, probably the only person in the entire world that he does want to see right now, and the longer it takes Liam to answer the door, the more his body begins to shake with anticipation. 

“If you tell me that you walked here again I’m going to lecture you,” Liam says when he swings his front door open, opting out of standard greeting. 

Zayn smiles at him, passing through the threshold, shrugging his shoulders as he does it. “I needed to clear my head, a lot on my mind. Where’s Niall?” 

“He’s in my closet trying on all my shoes,” Liam says behind a smile. “I got him bathed and dressed in the outfit you packed for him, but he didn’t want to wear the shoes you packed, said he needed mine.” 

“I’m going to go get him, is that okay?” 

Liam shrugs his shoulders. “It’s your baby, go ahead.” 

Zayn nods his head, follows Liam’s apartment until he reaches his bedroom. He can hear shuffling coming from Liam’s closet and peeks around the corner to see Niall trying to fit on a dress shoe along with Liam’s gym shoes. He’s sitting on the ground, gym shoe in place as he tries to figure out how to put on the patent leather black shoe. 

“What are you doing?” Zayn says, making his presence known. 

Niall jumps, glancing up in alarm, breaking out in a smile when he sees its Zayn. “Baba,” he says, trying to stand up, a task proven difficult by wearing one of Liam’s shoes. “Got shoes.” 

“I can see that,” Zayn says, bending down and picking Niall up. Liam’s shoe falls from his foot, knocking around on the ground when it lands on the pile of shoes that Zayn is sure Niall caused when he came in looking for a pair to wear. “These are about twenty sizes too large for your little feet.” 

“Need shoes,” Niall says, doing his best to lift his leg up and wiggle his toes.

“We’ll put yours on when we leave, not Uncle Li’s, okay?” Niall sighs, nodding his head. “Can you give Baba a hug and a kiss? I feel like I haven’t seen you in so long. Baba missed you so much,” Zayn says, tightening his arms around Niall, giving him a kiss when Niall complies with his wishes and holding onto him tight. 

“Love Baba,” Niall says in response, tucking his head into the crook of Zayn’s neck. 

Zayn would be lying if he said that those two words didn’t just flip his world around, put it back on it’s axis, and send it into orbit. Because Niall’s his sun, and his entire existence revolves around him, and Niall telling him that he loves him stitches together a few sections of his heart, his chest loosening up a little as he breathes in his scent. 

Zayn carries Niall back down the hall where Liam is waiting for them on the couch, he’s flipping through channels on his television, muting it when Zayn sits down next to him. “Can you turn on something he can watch?” Zayn asks, adjusting Niall on his lap so he’s facing the TV. 

“Yeah, of course,” Liam says, switching it to DVD. The start up menu page for Aladdin is already on, and when Zayn cocks an eyebrow at him he says, “We were going to watch it last night but he fell asleep before we could.” 

“I’m sure,” Zayn says, laughing at Liam playfully. “I just want something to distract him. I just want to hold him without him trying to get away from me to go try on your shorts or something next.” 

“Yeah, wouldn’t put it past him,” Liam says, tossing the remote onto the coffee table and leaning back onto the couch.

They sit in silence, watching the movie together as Zayn holds onto Niall. They make it until Aladdin meets Jasmine before Zayn decides he can’t take the movie any longer. “H didn’t remember what happened,” he says, tearing his eyes away from the screen in order to look at Liam, refusing to say Harry’s name so Niall won’t tune in to their conversation. 

“H?” Liam says in confusion. “Oh. Oh, he didn’t?”

Zayn shakes his head. “I got back from your place and he was asleep in my bed, L was nowhere to be seen, I thought he had skipped out until I saw him trying to sneak out. He remembered, at least he did after H cried on him saying I was angry. We didn’t talk, I told him to leave. I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet.” 

“You’re going to see him soon, aren’t you?” Liam asks. 

“Tomorrow,” Zayn says, releasing a bitter laugh. “Today I broke up with H, tomorrow I’ll end a twenty year friendship. Maybe. I don’t know. I’ll think about that later.” 

“You broke up with H? What happened?”

“Not talk,” Niall says, turning around to glare at Liam and Zayn before he slides off Zayn’s lap, deciding instead to lie on the floor in front of the television. 

“Sorry, Ni,” Zayn says. “But yeah, I did. He woke up and we talked, he tried to act like nothing had happened. I asked, and he couldn’t remember. He thought… he thought I was talking about when him and L kissed before.”

Liam freezes next to him, his body stiffening. “Before? What do you mean when they kissed before?”

“L kissed him one night when he was upset about your break up. Apparently twice in one night, I’m guessing they tested it out and didn’t think it was worth it. They decided not to tell me, didn’t want to hurt me. Isn’t that sweet of them?” Zayn asks sarcastically. 

“Oh god, I’m so sorry. I… shit, this is entirely my fault, and if I hadn’t broken up with L then he’d have never done things with H. Shit, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Li. You didn’t know this would happen, don’t blame yourself because it’s just one of those things. Maybe it was bound to happen in some way regardless of what happened, maybe now or maybe a year from now. You never know. Plus, it happened ages ago, and he never told me. He exchanged… stuff,” Zayn checks to make sure Niall isn’t paying attention, he’s not, he’s mimicking the motions taking place when Genie introduces Prince Ali, “in a bathroom with my best friend, they both were consenting adults in the situation, and at least now I know about both of them. I know they kissed before when L was upset and I know they…messed around, for whatever reason, but don’t think that either of those are your fault. You weren’t’ there making them do it, they decided to do it on their own. It’s their fault, not yours. ”

Liam releases a deep breath. “Well, I’m glad one of us doesn’t blame me. I just—L—never mind. It doesn’t matter. Do believe H? Like, do you think he’s telling the truth when he says he doesn’t remember kissing L last night?”

“We can probably stop talking in codes, I think Niall isn’t paying attention anymore, but I didn’t believe him, not at first. Then he started crying and kept telling me that I was lying, said that I was doing it to try and push him away again, that I had found a reason, whatever reason, and I was scared again. He looked so genuinely hurt that I’d ever say what they did that I knew he didn’t remember it, but that doesn’t change anything. And the thing is, I wasn’t scared, not anymore at least. I thought it was going to be us, forever. It’s stupid, it sounds so juvenile to say, but I wanted to be with Harry until my skin looked like a crumbled up piece of paper and Niall had to be the one taking care of us, but I wanted it,” Zayn says, taking a deep breath. “I’ve never wanted anything as much as what I want with Harry, besides Niall, and that’s why I thought we’d always be together. I should have known though, shouldn’t I? Forever only exists in a fictional setting, or only happens to certain people, not me.” 

“Zayn, I wish,” Liam pauses, frowning as he looks at Zayn. “I wish I could fix it, that I could say everything was going to be okay, and that it will all work out, but I can’t. I so desperately want to, but I just can't. And I know it’s hard for you, but I’m here if you need me, for anything. I don’t want you to feel like you have to deal with this alone. And I know that we would have never been friends without Louis, but I really care about you, and if ever just want to stay here for the night, or if you need someone to watch Niall, or if you just want someone to talk to then I’m here for you. That’s all I can really say, because no matter what I know that nothing I can say will change what happened or how you’re feeling.” 

“I know, and thank you. It’s good to know that I have someone in my life besides Niall,” Zayn says, smiling at Liam. “He’s the best person to have in your life, but I can’t really talk to him about this, so thanks.”

“Good, good,” Liam says slowly. “Actually can I ask you something? Who are you angrier with Louis or Harry? It’s not an important question, I just… I know who I’m angrier with and I’m curious.”

Zayn thinks about it for a moment before he says, “I think Louis. It’s like, you see, Niall is the single most important person in my life, he’s number one to me. If I could give him the first one hundred spots then I would, but Louis comes after Niall. I’ve known Louis my entire life, he knows everything about me, and it’s cliché to say, but Louis knows me better than I know myself. It was almost ten years ago the last time Louis hurt me, really hurt me, and we were just a bunch of kids when it happened. I forgave him for that, but this… We’re not kids anymore, and I would never do anything to hurt him. Besides Niall, he’s the second most important person to me, before Harry even, and I can’t… I can’t forgive this. Not this time. This time it hurts, like there is a boa constrictor inside my body and it’s wrapping itself around my heart and squeezing until it feels like I can’t breath, like my chest is going to explode from the pain and the pressure it’s causing. And I can’t forget that, I can’t forgive it either, not yet.”

Liam looks at him for a moment, nodding his head slowly until he says, “I guess it makes sense why you’re angrier with Louis and I’m angrier with Harry. Louis kissed the person that you love, he broke your heart and he was supposed to be your friend, he was supposed to care about you enough not to do this to you. And Harry, he… Well.” 

“He kissed the person you love,” Zayn finishes. 

Liam shakes his head, shrugging his shoulders. “How about I make some lunch?” Liam says, avoiding admitting his feelings for Louis once again. “This movie is almost over,” Zayn glances at the screen and sees Aladdin about to free Jasmine from the hourglass. “We can sit down and eat, you’re probably starving. Then you and Niall can go take a nap in my bedroom. Don’t even try and argue with me, because I really don’t want to hear it. You’ve had a long night, you haven’t slept at all, and you could use the rest.” 

“I could really use some sleep, I don’t think I can make it home before I pass out from exhaustion,” Zayn agrees. 

“So it’s settled. I’ll make lunch, and then you can both go take a nap. Then we’ll go to the park and have a giant ice cream for dinner. Niall, do you want ice cream for dinner?” Liam asks. 

Niall looks at him, shaking his head and sticking out his tongue. “Noodle.” 

“Much better,” Zayn says. “Liam, he’s two. He needs real food for dinner.”

“I’m trying to be the good guy in this. All right, fine. We’ll have noodles and then a giant ice cream sundae, like, as big as we can make it. I’ll go to the store while you’re all sleeping and get everything we need. And might I also point out that it would be just your son who would refuse ice cream in order to eat something else. I’m actually surprised by that because I didn’t think he’d ever choose Baba approved foods over ice cream.” 

~~~ 

Zayn carries Niall to bed, crawling under Liam’s blankets, pulling them up to Niall’s shoulders, and never once letting go of his boy. Niall’s half awake, drifting in and out of consciousness as the food settles into his stomach and the overwhelming desire to sleep takes over his body. Zayn is eternally grateful that Niall is at the age where he still allows Zayn to hold him while he sleeps, still seeks Zayn’s comfort, because right now, more than anything all Zayn needs is his son. His heart would probably break more if Niall tried to deny him a cuddle. He wants his baby to stay a baby forever. 

It takes Zayn longer to fall asleep than desired, trying to calm his mind down with the sound of Niall’s breathing is proving to be harder than it normally is, his mind still spinning on the scene in the club’s bathroom. He’s slowly trying to build a wall in his mind to barricade that thought out, wants to shove it in the back of his mind and light it on fire so he never has to relive the image again, but he’s haunted by it, even now as he’s lying in bed with Niall, trying his hardest to let it go. 

Eventually though he drifts to sleep, holding onto Niall like a lifeline, and dreaming of a place where he and Harry are happy and together again.


	23. Chapter 23

“You ready for day care?” Zayn asks, swinging Niall’s arm a little through the connection of their joined hands. They’re walking slower than Zayn would like, a pace that ensures he’s going to be late for work, a pace he can’t quicken without practically dragging his son down the street. He can’t pick him up; Niall lets him carry him for thirty seconds before he says he wants to walk again, so trying is futile. 

“Yes,” Niall says, bobbing his head up and down. 

Zayn doesn’t want him to go, wishes Niall would say he’s not ready and then maybe Zayn can properly convince himself that it’s okay to pretend to be sick just to avoid Louis, because he can also pretend that Niall is sick and they can spend the day locked away in their apartment, but Niall is far too social, and loves spending time with other kids to want to stay home. Zayn doesn’t want to deprive him of socialization, and it would be horrible parenting on his end to make his child miss out on life because he’s a mess. He has to hold it together, if not for his own sake then for Niall’s. 

So he swallows as much fear and anxiety as he can as they approach his day care center. Niall’s teacher is waiting outside while other parents are dropping off their children and saying goodbye. Zayn avoids looking at the couples here with their child, he just…he can’t look at it, so he kneels down on the ground facing Niall, adjusting his polo and fixing his hair. “Promise to be a good boy?”

Niall shakes his head, smiling mischievously at Zayn. “No,” he says around a giggle when Zayn gives him a mock stern glare. 

“Good boys get play time, right?” Niall nods his head quickly. “Good, now can Baba get a hug and a kiss goodbye?” 

Niall leans forward and kisses Zayn, wraps his arms around him quickly, muttering, “Bye, Baba,” in his ear before he pulls away, trying to rush into the building. 

The hug is rushed, and Zayn knows he’s going to need more in order to get through his day without a breakdown, wants a strong reminder of Niall fresh in his mind when he goes into work. 

“Niall,” Zayn says, reaching out to grab Niall’s arm, forcing him to turn around so he can’t rush into his daycare where the other kids are running. Niall turns around and looks at him with wide blue eyes. “Can Baba have another hug? A really big one?” 

Niall doesn’t question it, he jumps forward, wrapping his arms around Zayn’s neck and squeezing as tight as he can. It’s cutting off the circulation in Zayn’s neck a little bit, but he squeezes back, not as hard, but enough to feel the full affects of the hug. He kisses the side of Niall’s head, breathes in the soft scent of Niall’s shampoo, and tries to calm his nerves about going to work. He pulls away slower this time, kissing Niall twice more on the head before he nods his head in satisfaction. 

“Love you and miss you already,” Zayn says, standing up properly. 

Niall doesn’t say it back before he runs off, but he offers Zayn a wave before he disappears into the daycare facility, forcing Zayn to make his way to work, and it’s enough to lessen the weight on his chest, if only just slightly. 

~~~ 

Zayn honestly doesn’t know what he was expecting at work, what he thought would happen spending seven hours with Louis, but he feels like he should have known there would be an unbearable silence between the two of them. Zayn passes the orders through the hole in the wall with his eyes cast downwards, refuses to glance up at the other boy. The only thing Louis says to him is that an order is ready, but Zayn doesn’t turn around to grab it, makes the server, a girl with long-flowing maroon-colored hair, do it. He’s never seen her before, doesn’t care about introductions when he’s trying to just make it through his day. 

He should have known that it would nearly impossibly to get through, that his hands would start shaking at one point, that the pressure in his chest would get worse, and that his mind would start playing the flash backs of what happened in the bar bathroom. 

Zayn feels miserable, wants to make a break for the door, throw his apron through the kitchen window, and disappear for the next three weeks. He can feel Louis’ eyes on him, knows that he’s watching Zayn closely. He’s trying to keep his body language indifferent, doesn’t want Louis reading into the tight line of Zayn’s shoulders, or reading into the way his hands shake when he reaches out to take a customers credit card or cash. He busies himself with brushing imaginary dirt off the countertop, hoping it’s enough to make Louis believe he’s apathetic towards the whole thing. 

He’s not. 

They need to talk, Zayn knows it, but now that he’s in the same room as Louis he feels like his tongue is made of lead and that he’s forgotten how to form a sentence, which he learns isn’t true when Louis puts a plate of food on the counter next to Zayn. He looks at the food out of the corner of his eyes, reaches out and pushes the plate back towards Louis. 

“I’m not hungry,” Zayn says. 

“You have to eat,” Louis says, pushing the plate back towards Zayn before he goes and sits down in their normal booth. 

Zayn stares at the plate for a moment, his stomach betraying him and growling as he thinks about the food. He figures it’s now or never, so he grabs the plate, rounds the corner, and sits down across from Louis. 

He avoids looking up until he’s half finished with his meal, eating in silence, and avoiding the glances that he knows Louis is shooting in his direction. When he finally does make the decision to look up he sees Louis looking back at him, dark circles under his eyes. His hair is unwashed and knotted in the back but flat and plastered to his face in the front. He looks awful, truly awful, and Zayn fights back the urge to lecture Louis on how he needs to take care of himself. 

“We should probably talk,” Zayn says, instead of giving a motherly lecture, tearing his gaze away from Louis. “I talked to Harry already, I’m sure he told you.” 

Louis shakes his head. “I haven’t spoken—I haven’t seen him, at all. After I left your place I went back to his, and I packed up all my stuff and went back home, to my apartment. I’ve been there since I left yours.”

“Yeah, we…Harry and I broke up. It’s over, we—I ended it. He told me about before, like when you kissed him and never told me. I know about that,” Zayn says, looking back at Louis. 

“Fuck,” Louis mutters. “Zayn, I’m so sorry. I know that means absolutely nothing to you, but I’m so fucking sorry.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Zayn asks, his voice breaking at the end. 

“Zayn, it was nothing.”

“Everyone keeps saying that, but it’s something to me. And I want to know why it was hidden from me. I deserve to know that, Louis. Why would you kiss my boyfriend and then not tell me?”

“It was nothing. To us, it was nothing. I was upset about Liam, and I was crying to Harry. Liam and I had been having problems for so long before broke up that I had forgotten what it was like, and I had mistaken my gratitude for something else, but as soon as my lips touched his I knew it was wrong. I didn’t feel anything, and he was worried that I’d have a proper meltdown if he threw me off of him. We talked about it, and neither of us wanted you to go through any pain over a ten second mistake that was never going to happen again,” Louis explains.

“I could have forgiven a mistake kiss. I would have been hurt, and I would have been upset but if you had both been honest with me and told me about it when it happened then I wouldn’t have felt betrayed, which is what I feel now. You both betrayed me, and then lied to me. And I feel like an idiot. I feel like such a fucking fool for having not seen this coming, because it happened again.”

“Zayn, I can’t even explain what happened at the club. I just remember feeling so upset, and then content, and then angry, and then jealous, and then the next thing I knew Harry was telling me how angry you were and how he didn’t understand why. It was like a bucket of ice had been dumped over my head when I remembered what happened. I’m the world’s biggest fucking asshole, because I can’t remember what happened, but I know it was my fault. And I’m so sorry. I hated myself, still do, and when I saw you weren’t in the apartment I was worried about you, but I couldn’t stay there. I knew that you wouldn’t want to see me, and I needed to remember what happened properly before I said anything to you,” Louis says, sounding on the verge of desperation. “I can’t stop thinking about what I’ve done, because I remember it. I keep getting flashbacks of what Harry and I did in that bathroom stall, and it’s the worst thought that has ever entered my mind.”

“I don’t understand why you did it,” Zayn says. “I used to think that all your comments about Harry were just comments, that you were just being Louis, and that you’d never act on them, but looking back on it, they were like warning signs that I should have known.”

“I wouldn’t have. I never had any intentions of doing something like this. And I wish I could tell you why, I really do, and I know it will never make up for what happened, so the best I can give is that I’m a jealous, miserable prick who wanted everyone to feel as miserable as I was,” Louis says, smiling sadly and shrugging his shoulders, his eyes a little glassy like he could cry at any moment. “I was fucking miserable. I love Liam, so fucking much, but it’s over, because we wanted different things, but also because I wasn’t enough to make him stay. And I was so jealous of you, that you had Harry and Niall, and you were a family, an honest to god, proper family, and I couldn’t even go to my own apartment without having a breakdown. 

You had Harry and Niall, and I felt like you didn’t need me anymore, nobody did. I think I lashed out in a way that I wouldn’t have if I had been sober. I would have never done something like this if I hadn’t been drinking, but I did it, and this is the only reason that I can give you,” Louis says. 

“That is such fucking bullshit,” Zayn says, shaking his head, and Louis bites his lip. “After Niall, you’re the single most important person in my life. You always have been, and you always would have been. Not even Harry could have changed that. We’ve been friends our entire lives, just because I fell in love doesn’t mean that I would have forgotten about you.”

“I know that, I do, I swear that I do, but Zayn, I was so hurt by my break up with Liam that it turned me into a fucking monster. I was a monster and I couldn’t think clearly half the time. I just lied around in Harry’s house and listed off all these fucking things wrong with me, and why no one would ever want to be around me, including you. None of this excuses what I did; I know that, because it was so fucking awful of me to hook up with Harry. I can’t remember what I was thinking when it happened, I can’t. I wish that I could so I could tell, but I just can’t remember. You of all people deserve to be happy, you do, and I fucked it up. And I’m sorry, so, so sorry.”

“It doesn’t hurt so much because you lost control of yourself and did whatever you did with Harry, it hurts, so much, because you’re supposed to be my best friend. My entire life I’ve had no one, only you. And you’re—you’re my glue, right?” Zayn says as his lip trembles. He rubs the back of his hand across his eyes that are beginning to tear up, refuses to cry in the middle of the diner while he’s at work, it’s empty enough, the lunch rush having gone back to work, leaving Louis and Zayn in the company of the maroon haired girl and an elderly couple on the other side. 

“Ignoring all the bullshit you did to me when we were kids, like refusing to be my friend because people thought we were dating, and sleeping with my first boyfriend to prove we weren’t, forget all of that. I forgave you for that a long time ago. Ignoring all of that, you’re the only person in the world who has never betrayed or left my side, even when we weren’t friends or talking. You’re my glue, because you always put me back together, and you keep me together. I’m nothing without you, because I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. But for the first time, you’re the one that broke me and I—it hurts. 

“I can’t feel anything other than this gaping hole in my chest; I can’t see anything other than you and Harry in the bathroom. I don’t know how to make the pain go away and to forget this ever happened. I wish I could, but I can’t, so I need to do what’s best for me, because I have son, and he needs to see healthy relationships, not me holding onto something because it’s what I want. Every decision I make affects him, which is why,” Zayn pauses to take a deep breath,” I think it’s best that we stop talking.”

“Zayn, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry, I really am,” Louis says, looking at Zayn sadly, his eyes are wide, and his expression is frantic. Zayn can’t make direct eye contact with him, because as much as he’s hurting, it hurts him to know that he’s hurt both Harry and Louis now. 

“I know you are, and I know Harry is too, but I can’t forgive either of you. Being drunk isn’t an excuse, just like being sorry doesn’t erase what happened. I just, I think it would be best if I didn’t see either of you,” Zayn says. He pushes his plate across the table a little and slides out of the booth, he tries not to look at Louis as he takes his work apron off and tosses it down onto the bench he was just sitting on. “You really need to figure out what it is you want though, Louis, because you’re wrong about Liam, and you’re wrong about the way you’re handling this. You need to work on yourself and get your shit together.”

And with that Zayn leaves, turning around and making his way across the diner, pushing open the kitchen doors and disappearing behind them. He takes a deep breath when he does, his body feels out of whack, like he should have had a breakdown by now, or yelled a bit more. He’s not sure. He takes another deep breath before he makes his way back towards Louis. 

Zayn approaches the table where he left Louis, he’s staring down at his plate in front and wraps an arm around Louis’ shoulder, pulls his face against his chest, and releases a deep breath. “Get some sleep, you look like shit,” Zayn mutters before he pulls away and quickly leaves.


	24. Chapter 24

“Are you excited to see Uncle Liam?” Zayn asks, purposely leaving out the word again from his question. 

“Yes,” Niall says, taking Zayn’s hand as they walk towards Liam’s apartment. 

“We probably should have called to say we were coming, huh?” Zayn says, adjusting the bag filled with Niall’s toys on his shoulder. 

“I not call,” Niall says, shaking his head. “I not.” 

“I didn’t either,” Zayn replies. “I guess we’re going to surprised him.”

Zayn reaches up and knocks on Liam’s door, biting his lip, and hopes that Liam won’t be angry that they’re over at his place again. He tried going home after work, had stopped to pick Niall up at daycare, and tried to spend the evening inside his own apartment, but there are too many reminders. Too many pictures of Harry and Louis floating throughout the apartment, too many stranded shirts of Harry’s on his bedroom floor next to the hamper. He started to feel like he was suffocating, so he grabbed a bag and filled it with toys, and made his way over to the one person that he has right now, in hopes that he can clear his mind until he’s too tired to fight it anymore and has to go back. He just hopes Liam won’t tell them to go home. 

When Liam’s door swings open, Zayn smiles as wide as he can. Liam looks shocked for a moment before he pulls the door open wider and motions for them to come inside. 

“Hi,” Niall shouts, pushing into the apartment, rushing forward, and wrapping himself around Liam’s leg. 

Zayn shakes his head, steps inside of Liam’s apartment, and watches as Liam reaches down to ruffle Niall’s hair while Zayn closes his door. He tilts his head to the side in confusion when he sees that Liam’s hand is bruised an ugly shade of purple and red. It looks a little swollen, and like it hurts like hell. 

“What happened to your hand?” Zayn asks, setting Niall down on the floor. He kneels down blindly, his eyes trained on Liam, and begins to take off Niall’s shoes and sweater. 

“Oh, nothing,” Liam says, blushing. “I’m actually embarrassed you noticed.” 

“I probably wouldn't have noticed if you hadn’t have used that hand to touch Niall’s hair, so what happened?”

“Don’t laugh,” Liam says, waiting for Zayn, who nods his head and slowly stands back up. “I was working out and I went a little hard on the punching bag. I’ve been a little stressed lately, as you know from your own experiences, so I thought going to the gym would be relaxing. I kind of zoned out a little and just kept hitting it and hitting it until my hand kind of crumbled and I looked down and noticed what I did.” 

“That’s it?” Liam nods. “Liam, that’s hardly even a good story. Why would you be embarrassed? People get injured all the time at the gym.” 

“I don’t,” Liam points out. 

Zayn opens his mouth to reply, ready to retort back with something like how he does all the time, but he realizes that he’s talking to Liam, and he really does have a point. It’s always been Liam educating them about proper safety at the gym, and how not to push your body too hard, because what’s the point of going to the gym if you’re going to injure yourself to the point where you can’t go to the gym. “Okay, so…you’re right about that, but it’s not a big deal. No need to be embarrassed about it.” 

“Maybe. I was actually just about to ice it before you got here,” Liam explains, pointing over his shoulder. “I’ve only been home for a little while, long enough to shower and change. Do you mind if I go grab that? Make yourselves at home.”

Zayn nods his head, motions for Liam to go get his ice. When Liam has left the room, he turns back to Niall who is dumping the bag Zayn packed with toys onto the floor. It’s different having to go somewhere that doesn’t have an arsenal of things ready for Niall, a place where he has to pack Niall’s toy and bring them over in order to make sure that Niall won’t get bored, or possibly end up playing with one of Liam’s collectables and breaking them. 

He grabs one of the DVD’s from Niall and begins putting it in the player, so that even if the toys fail to keep him entertained, the sing along songs on the Disney movie should. 

Zayn finishes, pressing play on the remote, and sees Niall pulling himself onto the couch with Lion and a light up toy keyboard that he insisted Zayn bring with them. 

“Baba is going to go talk to Liam in the other room. Are you okay in here?” 

Niall nods his head, ignoring Zayn completely. 

Zayn smiles, shakes his head at Niall and steals a kiss before he goes to find Liam. He’s leaning against the counter in his kitchen, wrapping some ice up in a towel and pressing it against his hand. 

“You know, you should take me,” Zayn says. 

“Where?” Liam asks in confusion, thick eyebrows pulling together as he looks up at Zayn. 

“To the gym, like when your hand is healed. “I have a lot of stress right now in my life, ya know, so it would be nice to find a way to get that stress out without having some kind of mental breakdown in the process.” 

“Oh yeah, of course, I would love too, but um, who would watch Niall?” Liam asks tentatively. 

“Shit,” Zayn says, his face falling. “I could always ask my mom, but I was hoping to avoid her for the rest of my life since she’s probably going to either want to kill me for breaking up with Harry, or rant to me about how she’s going to kill Harry. She’d probably leave threatening voicemails on Louis’ phone, too. I guess, well, I guess that I won’t go to the gym? At least until I figure out what to do with Niall.”

“I could always watch him, and then, you know, you could go by yourself.”

“No, it’s fine,” Zayn says shaking his head. “I would feel bad. We both keep coming over here and invading your space and taking up your time. I don’t want to push it even more, that wouldn’t be appropriate of me to do that to you.”

“I don’t mind,” Liam says slowly, averting his eyes to the ground. “I haven’t had anyone over since Louis and I broke up, it’s been months since I’ve had company, so it’s nice, you know, to not be alone all the time.” 

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that, like, I should have been there for you. You’ve always been there for Niall and I, so it was really shitty of me to pick Louis side on everything,” Zayn says, feeling the guilt begin to eat away at him over what a shitty friend he’s been to Liam. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Liam says, shrugging his shoulders. “You and Louis have always had each other’s back, and it never really felt like you were against me, just that you were for Louis. You always have been. I guess now is one of the only times that you’re not here for each other.”

“Not really,” Zayn says. 

“What do you mean?” Liam asks, nudging towards the table with his elbow to tell Zayn to sit down at the table across the room. 

Zayn nods his head and goes to sit down. “I talked to Louis today, and it’s like, I saw how bad he looked, like, he hasn’t been sleeping or showering, and he looked awful, and it’s like, for a second I forgot that I was really angry with him. I just wanted to take care of him, like, make sure he was eating properly, and take him home and force him to take a bath and go to sleep. I couldn’t even be angry with him properly because I was worried about him.” 

“Zayn, it’s a force of habit, right? You’re used to being worried about Louis, and just because you’re mad at him doesn’t really mean that you automatically stop caring about him, the same goes for Harry. You still care about them both, so it’s only normal for you to be worried about their wellbeing, especially if it looks like they’re not taking care of themselves.” 

Zayn nods his head slowly, rubs his hand against the scruff on his jaw. “It’s weird. I’m angrier with Louis, but it was so much easier to tell Harry that we should break up, like. I’m mad at both of them, furious, really, but it’s easier to be mad at Harry. Am I making any sense?” Zayn asks. Liam looks at him in confusion before he shakes his head. 

“It’s like, they both hurt me, right? But I’m so fucking furious at Louis, so angry, but I let him down gently. I wasn’t as harsh as I wanted to be, as I should have been because it was so fucking difficult to tell him that I don’t think we can be friends for a while, or again. And I’m not as angry with Harry, but it was easy to tell him that we should break up. I was probably harsher than I should have been. I don’t know, to be honest I can’t really remember either conversations, just what I was thinking in my head,” Zayn explains.

“Maybe because you expected Harry to screw up at some point. I mean, everyone knows that you always thought he was going to before now, and then he did, so even though it hurt, you might not have been as surprised as you felt seeing Louis screw up. You never thought that he would, so it hurts you more,” Liam says reasonably. 

“I don’t know, maybe,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders. “I can’t talk about this anymore. I feel like my head is going to explode.” Zayn rubs his heads against his face, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes for a moment. Pulling away he looks at Liam and says, “Well, I came over here so Niall and I wouldn’t be completely bored at home, and so I wouldn’t have a meltdown. I think I’ve had what you could say is a slight meltdown, very minimal, but now my son is bored, so would you like to go in there and watch some Disney?”

Liam smiles at him, laughing lightly. “Of course I would, let me just get some fresh ice put on this and I’ll be there in a moment.”

Zayn nods his head, pulls himself off the chair, and makes his way back into the other room where Niall is sat, whispering quietly to his lion stuffed animal. 

“What are you doing?” Zayn asks, picking him up, sitting back down with Niall in his lap. 

“Baba, Lion scare,” Niall says, holding his stuffed animal up to Zayn’s face. 

“Well, stick him under my arm and I’ll hold onto him and make sure he’s okay,” Zayn says, adjusting one of his arms so that Niall can stuff the stuffed animal into the open space. “What about you? Are you scared?”

“Not scare Edgar,” Niall says, pointing towards the screen where a tall, gangly man is pretending to be sad about the disappearances of kittens. 

Zayn settles back against the couch, still holding onto Niall, and feels grateful that he doesn’t have to do this with a framed photograph of him and Harry staring back at him. 

~~~ 

Zayn’s not sure why he thought he could stay numb for this long, why he thought that escape the bone crushing pain of it all, but he did, and it’s finally hitting him. 

He’s lying in bed, Niall fast asleep in the other room, the moon hung high in the sky, as he lies there, crying over the events of the past few days. He’s lost a boyfriend and a friend; he lost a father figure to Niall. 

It’s been a long time since he’s felt like he has no one in his life, and even though he knows that it’s not true, knows that he has both Niall and Liam, it still feels like he’s on his own. He rubs at his eyes, trying to lower the sound of his sobs as he lies in bed, going over everything that’s happened from finding the two of them in the bathroom, to bringing them home, to Louis sneaking out, to his conversation with Harry and the heartbreaking look on Harry’s face when he told him that they shouldn’t see each other anymore. He can see it, the moment the words took Harry’s breath away, when they reached until his chest and squeezed his heart so tightly that he began to feel an ounce of the pain that Zayn felt. He thinks back on when he talked to Louis earlier in the day, the way his friend was caved in on himself, his hollow cheeks and the bags under his eyes that show Zayn he’s just as torn up about this. 

He doesn’t think it’s fair that he’s the one whose been burned but everyone involved is just as sad about it. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve any of this, or why the planets aligned in a way that caused his fate to include the horrible situation that he’s in. 

He’s not sure why it happened to him, but what he does know is that he has to keep it together for Niall. He can’t let Niall know that he’s hurting or that he’s upset, because he has another life that’s dependent on his own, and their lives need to carry on, no matter how much Zayn loses it in the quiet, private moments that he gets to himself, like now. 

But his life doesn’t work like that, which is exactly why, in the middle his crying, he hears, “Baba.” 

Zayn chokes at the sound of Niall’s voice, glancing over to see that Niall is standing just at the end of his bed. He clears his throat and begins rubbing at his cheeks and eyes. “Are you all right?” He asks, worried that he missed Niall calling out to him. 

Niall ignores him, walks across the room, and stands next to the bed, looking at Zayn in confusion. “Baba, up,” Niall says, so Zayn sits up and pulls Niall onto the bed, adjusting the blankets so Niall can get under them with him. 

“You okay? Did you have a bad dream?” Zayn asks, reading out to pulls Niall’s hair away from his eyes. 

“Baba sad,” Niall says, reaching out to touch Zayn’s cheek. “Why sad? Not sad.”

“Baba just had a bad dream,” Zayn says, lying easily. “Baba’s okay now, don’t worry.”

Niall’s still touching his cheek, drags his finger up until he’s got his hand in Zayn’s hair, attempting to brush his fingers through it, like Zayn does for him when he’s upset about something. He strokes his fingers through his hair, and leans forward, kissing Zayn on the cheek. “Not sad, Baba,” Niall says again. He leans away and hands Zayn one of his stuffed animals. “Monkey fix.”

“You’re going to let me sleep with Monkey?” Niall nods his head. “Aw, baby, thank you. I think this will help, and if you stay here. Can you sleep in here tonight?”

Niall nods his head again, shimmying down until he’s lying down next to Zayn, head rest on the pillow that Zayn was using not that long ago. “Baba, sleep,” Niall says, reaching up to tug on Zayn’s shirt until he’s lying next to him. He puts Bear and Lion between them, patting them until he’s satisfied that they’ll stay there. 

Zayn shifts around as he lies down, pulling the blankets up so they cover their bodies, coming up to Niall’s chin and his shoulder before he relaxes into the mattress next to his son. 

“Daddy fix,” Niall says once Zayn is settled in next to him. “Daddy not make sad.”

Zayn releases a quiet shaky breath, leans forward, and presses a kiss to Niall’s head. “Maybe, Ni, maybe. Let’s go to sleep okay?”

“Baba, Daddy sleep?” Niall asks. 

“He’s at his house, Niall. He’s…not sleeping here. It’s just Baba and Niall, okay? Baba and Niall sleeping.” 

Niall sighs, shifting around a little. “Miss Daddy.”

Zayn squeezes his eyes shut, pulls his lips into his mouth and bites down on them, willing himself not to cry even more. He gets lucky, because when he opens his eyes again Niall is fast asleep, his little mouth open slightly as he sleeps.


	25. Chapter 25

“Niall, can you eat your breakfast?” Zayn asks, sitting down at the table next to Niall. He’s just got off the phone with work, taking the week off to separate himself from Louis, in order to give them both a little time to adjust to everything that’s happened with them. He’s keeping Niall home from daycare, figures one day won’t hurt him, especially since they both overslept past the normal time they usually wake up, meaning Niall would have been late anyway. 

Zayn tells himself that it’s fine, it’s not a big deal because they’re going to have the entire day to themselves, and Zayn plans on using it to show Niall that him crying last night wasn’t a big deal, that it really was just a bad dream and not anything more. Something like that would normally be easy, but Niall seems to be having an off morning. 

“Niall,” Zayn repeats, reaching across the table to brush his fingers through Niall’s hair. “You need to eat, so can you start eating, please?” 

“No,” Niall says, shaking his head, pressing his lips together tightly. 

“Are you not hungry?” Zayn asks and when Niall shakes his head, he frowns and feels Niall’s forehead with the back of his hands. “You’re a little warm this morning. Do you want to lie down for a little bit?” 

“No,” Niall says again. 

“You want some oatmeal? It’ll help your tummy if it hurts.” 

“I say no,” Niall says, fixing Zayn with a stern look. 

“Niall,” Zayn says slowly. “Don’t be mean to Baba. You have to eat, but if you’re not hungry or you’re not feeling well, then you have to tell me, okay? Can you tell Baba what’s wrong?”

“Want Daddy,” Niall says, crossing his arms over his chest and looking up at Zayn. 

Zayn stills and looks at his son, he wonders how he’s going to handle Niall bringing up Harry again. The only thing he can think of is to just avoid it. He can find ways to keep Niall occupied so his mind can’t wonder off to where Harry is, but for now he’s going to act like Niall didn’t mention anything about Harry so he can get him to eat. 

“Do you want some fruit with breakfast?” Zayn asks. “Bananas sound yummy, hmm?” 

“No. Want Daddy,” Niall says. 

“Niall, you have to eat your breakfast, can you please eat?”

“No.” 

“Niall.”

“No.” 

“Please?”

“No.”

Zayn looks at Niall who is glaring back at him, an angry pout on his little face. 

Zayn sighs and shakes his head. “Niall, stop telling Baba no or else you’ll get corner time. Can you eat your breakfast or do you want to take a bath? I’m giving you two options and if you say no, then you’ll have to sit in timeout.” 

“Baba, see Daddy,” Niall says sadly. 

“You can’t see Harry,” Zayn says, refusing to allow himself to call Harry Niall’s daddy. He just can’t right now. 

“Why?” Niall asks, frowning at Zayn. “Want Daddy.” 

“You just…you can’t right now, but what if I called him? Would you want to talk on the phone for a little while?” 

Niall thinks about it for a moment, looking at Zayn sadly before he nods his head. 

Okay, Zayn thinks, nodding his head as he reaches into his pocket for his phone. He pulls up Harry’s contact, pressing the call button and placing it against his hear as he listens to it ring. It rings twice before it goes straight to voicemail, reciting his away message in Zayn’s ear. 

“He didn’t answer, so you have to leave him a message, okay? Say it’s Niall and to call you later,” Zayn says, holding the phone against Niall’s ear. 

“Daddy? Daddy, Niall,” Niall says, speaking into the phone. He waits a beat before he frowns in confusion at looks up at Zayn. “Baba?”

“Tell him to call you,” Zayn instructs. 

“Call Niall. Daddy? I Niall.”

Zayn takes the phone away and hangs up, shoving it back in his pocket and looking at Niall. “He’s busy right now, but he’ll call you in a little bit, okay? That’s why you left the message so he knows who to call today.”

Niall nods his head. 

“Can we eat breakfast now?”

“Yes, Baba,” Niall says, sitting up straighter in his chair. 

“Good boy,” Zayn says with a smile. “And after breakfast it’s bath time, then we can go see Uncle Liam for a little while before we go to the park. Does that sound like fun?” 

“And Daddy,” Niall says, putting a forceful of food in his mouth, smiling at Zayn. 

“I don’t think so, Ni,” Zayn says, realizing that today is going to be a long day. 

~~~

Zayn pays the cab driver and steps out, helping Niall out of the backseat, closing the door, and picking Niall up. He makes his way across the parking lot and into the building. He avoids looking at anyone as he makes his way inside; he just wants to get this over with. He doesn’t know why he’s here, why he thought coming to Harry’s work would be a good idea. Actually he does know why he’s here, they’ve tried calling him three different times and he hasn’t answered any of them. Zayn doesn’t blame him for ignoring his calls, but Zayn wants to make it through today without any problems and Niall’s only going to get worse if he doesn’t get to talk to Harry soon. 

The rational part of Zayn’s brain tells him that this is a horrible idea, that he should turn around and head over to Liam’s and use Liam’s phone to call Harry. He knows that Liam would get an answer, they work together and his calls could be business related, something Harry takes very seriously. 

But the rational part of Zayn’s brain is being dominated by the unintelligent part. 

He weaves down the narrow hallway, avoiding curious glances as he walks to the far back studio where he remembers Harry taking him a few months ago when he was recording with Taylor still. 

Zayn peeks inside the last door and sees the silhouette of Harry’s body standing on the other side of the room with his back turned towards them. 

“I know, I know,” Harry says, when Zayn steps into the room. His back is still turned to them, and he’s rummaging around through a stack of papers that lay on top of the mixing table. He’s flipping through them frantically. “I just need to find something and then I’ll go home, okay? Just, um, just give me a minute, okay?”

Zayn sets Niall down on the ground, still watching Harry as his shaky hands grab some more papers, gripping them against his chest. He runs a hand through his hair, messing it up more than it already is. He looks like shit, from what Zayn can tell from behind. Harry’s hair is wild, dirty, and standing up in places that it shouldn’t. Zayn can see that his hands are shaking as he grabs more papers.

“Daddy,” Niall shouts, no doubt impatient with how long it’s taking Harry to turn around and notice that it’s them, or at least to check and see how is behind him. Zayn’s glad that Niall said something, he’s not sure he could have done it without him. The sight of Harry is making his tongue feel heavy and everything inside of him is screaming to turn around and flee. 

Harry jumps at the sound of Niall’s voice, papers spilling out of his grasp and floating to the floor as he tries to grab them and see whose behind him at the same time. He stops trying to grab the sheets of paper when he turns around and sees that it’s them. His mouth drops open a little as he looks between Niall and Zayn. 

Zayn averts his eyes, glances down at sees Niall picking up the papers off the ground. 

“Daddy, paper,” Niall says, standing up and holding one out for Harry to take. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Harry says dumbly, kneeling down and gathering everything he dropped. He pushes them all into a pile, picking them up, and setting them down on the couch next to him. “Is this, um, like, you’re both here, right? I’m not… This is real?” 

Zayn nods his head. “Yeah,” he says, finding his voice. “Niall wanted to see you, so we, uh, tried calling, a few times, actually, but you didn’t answer, so I thought we’d drop by.”

“I turned my phone off,” Harry says dumbly, looking at Zayn. “You look nice.” Harry nods his head before he averts his eyes to look at Niall. 

Zayn glances down at his dark grey sweatpants, light grey shirt, and leather jacket and wonders what Harry is talking about, so he just rolls his eyes and leaves the comment alone. 

“Daddy ouch,” Niall says and Zayn quickly glances at Niall to see what’s wrong. 

“What ouch?” Zayn says, moving to kneel down in front of Niall. Niall points towards Harry and Zayn follows his finger and that’s when he sees the dark purple bruise on Harry’s left eye and cheek. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Right,” Zayn says slowly, nodding his head. “Niall, do you want to talk to Harry, so we can go see Uncle Liam?” Zayn ignores Harry’s flinch when he refers to him by his name instead of calling him Daddy. He can’t focus on that. He can’t let his guard down. He’s for Niall. 

“And Daddy.”

“No,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “He’s not coming with us to see Uncle Liam. I said you could talk to him for a little while, so that’s what we’re going to do, okay?” 

“Baba,” Niall whines, wrapping himself around Harry’s legs. “Daddy go.”

Zayn looks at him for a moment, glances up to see Harry looking at him nervously, like he’s afraid of what Zayn’s going to do. He doesn’t want to be here any longer than he has to. Seeing Harry is…it makes it harder for him remember that he’s upset, but it also makes it harder for him to forget what happened. He sees flashes of Harry with Louis if he looks at him for too, but it goes away if he’s not with him, or if he catches Harry’s bruise in the right light. It’s making everything more complicated, things he doesn’t need complicated. 

He came here for Niall, but it’s getting harder and harder to want to stay here for Niall. He wants to go home. Or to Liam’s. Or to the park. Or to anywhere in the world where he doesn’t have to look at the sadness in Harry’s eyes, where he doesn’t have to see the way his shoulders are hunched in on themselves, because Harry caused this. Harry and Louis both. And Zayn shouldn’t be the one whose in charge of putting everyone back together, not when he has bits and pieces of himself still lying on the floor in the bathroom of a club, in Liam’s apartment, in his apartment, and in the diner. Not when he’s scattered around the city in every place where he broke down. 

He needs to put himself back together and he shouldn’t be worried about if everyone else is holding onto themselves. 

Zayn needs to get out of here, but he knows that it’s going to be difficult with Niall’s little attitude, so he comes up with an idea. 

“Are you busy?” Zayn asks, turning to look at Harry. 

“No,” Harry says slowly, shaking his head. “I’m not working right now, so I’m free, why?”

“Would you want to watch him?”

“Yes,” Harry says immediately, nodding his head. “God, yes. Is that, like, is that okay? Are you okay with me watching him?”

“You need to turn your phone on. I don’t want it off when you have my son,” Zayn says and Harry nods his head quickly, nearly drops the papers in his hands again as he rushes to pull his phone out of his pocket and turn it on. “You can bring him home after dinner, all right? Maybe he can see Louis, too or something.”

“Louis moved out,” Harry says. “He doesn’t live with me anymore. I haven’t spoken to him since, um… I just haven’t seen him.”

“Well, if you want to bring him to see Louis that’d be okay.”

Harry shakes his head, adjusting the stack of papers in his arm. “I’m not talking to him. I don’t have any plans to talk to him or to see him. It’s better this way, so if it’s all the same I’d like to be able to watch Niall without having to take him to see anyone else.”

“That’s fine. I wasn’t testing you or anything, I was just letting you know,” Zayn says, looking at Harry for a moment longer before he turns back to Niall. “You’re going to stay, okay? Baba is going to Uncle Liam’s, but you’re coming home tonight. You’re staying with Baba.” 

“Stay Daddy?” Niall asks. 

“You’ll stay with him during the day, but you’re coming home tonight to be with Baba. Now, give a hug and a kiss.”

Niall does what Zayn says immediately, wrapping his arms around him and giving him a kiss. 

“Be a good boy,” Zayn says. “Stop with all the no’s. Don’t be difficult.”

“Yes, Baba,” Niall says, smiling at Zayn before he turns around and grabs Harry’s hand. 

Zayn looks at him for a moment before he nods his head and leaves. 

~~~

Zayn enters Liam’s apartment, waits while Liam closes the front door and he sinks down on the couch before he says anything. 

“Where’s Niall?” Liam asks. “I would have thought you’d bring him over here.” 

“I was going to, but he threw a fit because he wanted to see Harry, so we stopped by your work and I dropped him off. He’s coming home tonight, though,” Zayn says easily. 

“I didn’t think you’d let Harry see him,” Liam says in confusion. “I mean, I knew they’d want to see each other, and I knew Niall would be the only one to voice those desires, but I didn’t think you’d let it happen, especially so quickly.”

“Yeah, well,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t want to punish Niall for anything that’s happened. He cares about Harry and Harry cares about him. I’m only thinking about what Niall wants. Harry has no right to see him, at least not yet anyway, but I’m not going to punish Niall for something that Harry and Louis did. I wouldn’t be a very good father if I did, they’ve never done anything to hurt him.” 

“Split custody, hmm, kind of funny if you think about it. I mean… it makes sense if you think about it. He considers Harry to be Daddy and Louis has always been there for him, so he’ll only get confused and upset with their absence.”

“Something like that,” Zayn says. “I guess. We’ll see how it plays out, won’t we?” 

“If anything you could slowly start lessen the amount of times he gets to see Harry, instead of just cutting them off completely. It’d be easier on Niall,” Liam says. 

“Yeah,” Zayn says nodding his head. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do about Harry’s visitation, but it’s only the first time, and Zayn is having a hard time staying on topic as he looks at Liam’s bruised hand. “You know, your knuckles look better today. The bruising has gone down.”

It’s the truth; Liam’s knuckles are no longer violent red and purple, at least compared to yesterday. 

“It feels better, too,” Liam says, bending and opening his hand. 

“You know, it’s weird,” Zayn says slowly. “I came over here yesterday and your hand is bruised, and then, we go to see Harry today and his face is bruised. It’s weird, right?”

“Yeah,” Liam says, clearing his throat. “I don’t know. He looked all right yesterday.”

Zayn nods his head slowly, knowing that Liam is lying to him. “It’s kind of big, right, like, it’s right over his eye. It’s almost like someone punched him, kind of like you punched the punching bag, or so I’d assume.” 

Liam sighs, his shoulders dropping as he averts his gaze to the ground. “Yeah, I hit him.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured as much,” Zayn says, patting Liam on the knee. “Did he do something special or is this because he hooked up with Louis?”

“I really couldn’t care that he hooked up with Louis,” Liam says, shrugging his shoulders, his expression indifferent. 

Zayn nods, not convinced in the slightest that Liam is telling the truth. “You punched Harry in the face, gave him a shiner and everything. A bit dramatic for someone who doesn’t care.” 

“Yeah, well,” Liam says, shrugging again. “You don’t have to care to punch someone, he’s a prick who deserved it. He shouldn’t kiss Louis, not when he has you. He shouldn’t touch Louis.” 

“It takes two to kiss, why didn’t you punch Louis?”

Liam clenches his jaw, squeezes his fist together before he relaxes, letting out a deep breath. “I can’t hit Louis, hitting Louis—it’s not something I can do.”

“You can hit Harry,” Zayn says, pushing Liam to give a real reason. 

“I’ve also never had sex with Harry, I never kissed Harry. I’ve never been in—I’m not in…” Liam stops, swallowing thickly as he shakes his head. “Hitting Harry was easy. I didn’t think about it, I just knew that he hurt you, and that he…he kissed Louis.” 

“You’ve also never been in love with Harry like you have with Louis,” Zayn points out, filling in Liam’s blanks. “Or, still in love with, I should say.” 

Liam releases a deep breath, shrugs his shoulders again. “I’ve been trying not to be.”

“Liam,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “I don’t understand. If you loved Louis, then why would you break up with him? Why would you stay broken up with him?”

"I never wanted to be with anyone but Louis, but we wanted different things with the kids and the marriage and how I wanted those things and he doesn't. I know that nothing has changed with that but hearing about how Louis kissed Harry... I couldn't--I can't handle knowing that he's moving on, even if what happened between him and Harry was a drunken mistake. I just can't," Liam says. 

“He hasn’t moved on,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “That’s why he hooked up with Harry, because he’s fucking miserable and he wants everyone else to feel that way.”

“I thought breaking up with him would make him want the things I did, or at least to compromise with me. I didn’t know what to do, so I thought about it. I asked myself, what would Louis do if wanted marriage or kids from me? And Louis would do something just as stupid as breaking up with me. I started moving my stuff out slowly, thinking that he’d catch on, and I just kept telling myself that I had to do this, I had do to this. And then, next thing I know I’m back at my old apartment with everything I own, but no Louis. I never thought it would get this far.” 

“That’s the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard, and my boyfriend and best friend just hooked up in a bathroom while I cried at our table. I know fucked up, but Liam…this is. Wow.” 

“I know, I know,” Liam groans, shaking his head. “That’s why I was such an asshole to you at Taylor’s party. I was so jealous of you. You had Harry and Niall and I had no one. Absolutely no one because the only person I wanted is too stubborn. And because I’m an idiot.” 

“Yeah, but we all are, aren’t we? Harry, Louis, you, and me. I think the only person who isn’t an idiot is Niall.” 

Liam smiles sadly and nods his head. “Yeah… I’m really sorry I was an asshole to you, and for trying to come between you and Harry. I guess I wanted everyone to be miserable, too. I apologize. I’m also sorry that I punched Harry in the face.” 

“You should probably give that second apology to someone else.”

“No,” Liam says, shaking his head. “I’m sorry to you for punching Harry, but I’m not sorry to Harry for punching Harry. He deserves to get punched. He fucked up the greatest thing he’s ever had.” 

Zayn sighs, shrugging his shoulders. “Well, maybe if you apologize it won’t be so awkward at work. He was really jumpy today.”

“About that,” Liam says, rubbing the back of his neck. “I kind of got…suspended for the next two weeks for punching Harry. I did it at work. He’s suspended for the week, so he might have been jumpy because he wasn’t supposed to be there.”

“Holy shit,” Zayn breathes. “I’d ask how this became our lives but I’m scared to know the answer.”

Liam smiles sheepishly at him, almost nervous as Zayn shakes his head. 

~~~

Harry brings Niall home forty minutes past seven; Zayn was five minutes away from calling him and demanding to know where they were and why Niall wasn’t home, so he feels a wave of relief when he swings his door open and sees Niall’s smiling face. 

“Baba,” Niall shouts, jumping up into Zayn’s outstretched arms. He pulls his son close, gripping onto him and rubbing his back as he rocks him in his arms. 

“Missed you,” Zayn says, kissing the side of his head. “So happy you’re home.” He sets Niall down on the ground after a moment and glances up to look at Harry. He’s standing in the doorway with a medium sized box in his hands. 

“I brought back the pottery that he painted,” Harry says, holding the box in his hands up higher. “Mine is, well, I kept that, but it has the cat, the stein, and ice cream in there.”

“I forgot about that,” Zayn says, reaching out and taking the box from Harry. He sets it down on the chair a few feet behind him. “Thanks for bringing it.” 

Harry nods his head. “It’s fine.”

“Niall, can you say goodbye? You need to brush your teeth and get ready for bed,” Zayn says, wanting Harry to leave as soon as possible. He feels awkward standing here, acting like nothing happened because he doesn’t want Niall to know. 

Harry kneels down on the ground and pulls Niall into a hug, kissing him several times on top of his head. “Daddy is really busy these next few days so I might not see you for a while, okay?” He says, pulling away to look at Niall’s face. 

Zayn watches as Niall’s shoulders slump before he nods his head. “Okay.”

“It’ll be okay,” Harry says. “You have fun with Baba, you don’t need me. Okay? Now say goodbye and give me another really big hug.”

Niall wraps his arms around Harry again and Zayn see that’s squeezing as hard as he can, the little muscles in his arms flexing as does it. 

“Bye Daddy,” Niall says, kissing Harry’s cheek. “Love Daddy.”

“Yeah, love Niall,” Harry says, pulling away from the hug to kiss Niall on the forehead. He stands up at smiles at Zayn, shrugs his shoulders. He’s about to leave when Niall talks again.

“Baba say,” Niall instructs, tugging on Zayn’s pant leg. 

“Bye, Harry,” Zayn says obediently 

“No, Baba say. Daddy say.”

Zayn takes a deep breath and says, “Bye, Daddy.” 

Niall smiles at Zayn before he turns to look at Harry expectantly. 

“Bye Baba,” he smiles sadly at Zayn before he disappears out of sight. 

Zayn stares blankly at the open door, reaching out to shut it automatically. 

“Love Daddy,” Niall says, poking Zayn in the leg. “Baba say.”

“He’s not here anymore, Niall,” Zayn says. “Come on, let’s go get dressed for bed. We can put the cat you painted in your room. Doesn’t that sound fun?” Zayn opens the box, reaches inside and pulls out the ceramic cat that’s painted green and orange and yellow and blue. “He’s beautiful; looks just like Cat if he had a little less orange and a little more green.”

“Baba say,” Niall says, ignoring Zayn’s chatter about the ceramic cat. 

“Love Daddy,” Zayn says and Niall smiles at him before he disappears out of the room. 

Zayn takes a deep breath, steadies his breathing for a moment, quiets his thoughts, and tries to remember that he’s okay.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an optional read chapter, I'm calling it 25.5 because it's chapter 25 but Harry's POV. I thought about it, and I thought that a lot of readers seem to be really eager to know how Harry is feeling during all of this. You do not have to read this, but if you're interested, please continue. 
> 
> It offers nothing new for the plot, only retells chapter 25 in Harry's POV, so some dialogue is exactly the same, because I can't exactly change it, can I? 
> 
> If you read, I hope you enjoy. If you don't, well, chapter 26 will be out soon!

Harry doesn’t know why he did it, why he cheated on Zayn. He can’t remember everything about the night at the club but if he tries hard enough his mind will show him flashes of wrapping his hand around Louis, remind him of the way he tasted, and the noises he made. He sees Zayn too, the heartbreaking look on his face when they stumbled back to the bar table, the way he took care of Harry even after Harry broke him in the worst way possible. He can see it and remember the pieces but he can’t find the reasons behind it. 

He started getting the flashbacks the night after Zayn ended it, having dragged himself home and found his house bare of everything Louis. He tried not to feel too happy about Louis disappearance from his life, tried not to blame everything on Louis, because it’s equally his own fault. But Harry’s not sure if the flashbacks started because his brain is trying so hard to make sense of it all, or if it’s because Zayn brought something up, had played the scenes out in front of him with his words and now Harry’s mind is playing the picture. He doesn’t even know if what he’s seeing is real, but he imagines it is if the way his stomach bile raises into his throat every time he thinks about it. 

Harry sees it mostly when he’s trying to sleep, flashbacks haunting his dreams. It’s been four days but it feels like a lifetime, the days blurring together due to lack of sleep. He doesn’t get more than hour or two a day, taking forever to fall asleep knowing that Zayn and Niall aren’t there and that they won’t be there the next day, and then, he wakes up from a nightmare, a dream that replays the looks Zayn gave him, the words Zayn spoke, and replays the way that Harry broke his heart and the way that Zayn said goodbye. 

He thinks he deserves it, having to relive the moment over and over again because he knows that Zayn is too, even if what he’s seeing isn’t as hard to live with as what Zayn’s seeing. 

And it’s another long night, a night of lying in bed and listening to their break up play in a loop throughout his mind as he waits for the start of a new day. 

~~~

Harry hears the door to the studio open up behind him; he’s in the middle of searching for his notes for sheet music and lyrics that he’s been working with on a new client. He needs to review them during his week off and make sure that he’s the right fit and that he understands where this artist wants to go. He knows he’s not supposed to be at work, had gotten the message loud and clear when his boss screamed it at him and Liam the day before, but he needs these papers. 

“I know, I know,” he says, continuing to riffle through the papers. “I just need to find something and then I’ll go home, okay? Just, um, give me a minute, okay?”

Whoever entered the studio doesn’t say anything, but they don’t leave either, so Harry figures that they’re okay with him being at work when he’s not supposed to be. He finds what he’s looking for, shoves in between his arm and chest, using the other hand to run his fingers through his hair. It’s a little greasier than normal, dirtier from lack of taking a shower, something he desperately needs. 

“Daddy.”

Harry jumps at the sound of the voice, papers slipping from his grip and cascading down to the floor in an apparent slow motion as he tries to grab them. He turns to see Zayn and Niall standing in front of the studio door. He stops trying to grab papers and just stares at the two of them, his mouth dropping open as he wonders if it’s real or not. 

“Daddy, paper.” He looks down and sees Niall holding up a sheet of music. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he says, taking the paper from Niall and kneeling down on the ground to gather the others. He gathers them slowly, shoving them all into a pile before he sets them aside. His hands are shaking as he does it because it’s Zayn and Niall, the two people he’s wanted to see the most but the two people he wasn’t sure he’d see again. “Is this, um, like, you’re both here, right? I’m not… This is real?” He has to ask, has to know that he’s not making this up. His mind has been showing him images of Zayn and Niall since the break up and he’s not sure if he’s hallucinating or not. 

Zayn nods his head and says, “Yeah. Niall wanted to see you, so we, uh, tried calling, a few times, actually, but you didn’t answer, so I thought we’d drop by.”

“I turned my phone off,” Harry says as way of explanation. He didn’t really have anyone trying to get a hold of him, not really anyway, but he didn’t want to see that Zayn wasn’t trying to get in contact with him. Even thought he was, apparently. He looks at Zayn for a moment, and blurts out, “You look nice.”

Harry glances down at Niall in order to avoid whatever reaction might cross Zayn’s features, he doesn’t want to know. But looking at Niall turns out not to be the best thing because Niall glances up at him and says, “Daddy ouch.”

Harry wonders in confusion what he might be talking about until Zayn says, “What ouch?” kneeling down on the floor in front of Niall like Harry did something wrong, but then, Niall’s little finger begins to point up towards Harry’s face and that's when he remembers the bruise, the one Liam gave him. 

“What happened?” Zayn asks. 

“Nothing,” Harry lies, shrugging his shoulders. It’s really not much of anything, just a dark colored bruise covering his eye and a good portion of his cheek. It’s a little swollen, the majority of it having gone down the night before when he iced it. But it’s not anything for Zayn to worry about because Harry knows that he deserved that punch, understands why Liam did it. He thinks he’d have punched Liam as well if he ever kissed Zayn, so he’s not angry with Liam for it. He understands why it happened, knew when he saw the flash of anger across Liam’s face when Harry admitted that he did remember what happened, not at first but he does now. And he’s not going to rat Liam out. And while he might not be in any position to lie to Zayn, he thinks this might be a good reason, that he should be allowed an exemption because he got his face punched in the middle of work. 

Zayn doesn’t look like he believes Harry, but it also doesn’t look like he’s going to ask him about it anymore. 

“Right,” Zayn says, slowly, like he couldn’t care less that Harry got punched and is lying to him about why. Nodding his head, he turns to look at Niall. “Niall, do you want to talk to Harry so we can go see Uncle Liam?”

Harry flinches when he hears his real name being spoken and not the title that Niall gave him months ago, the declaration of his importance to their little family.

“And Daddy,” Niall says, trying to include Harry in their plans for the day. 

“No,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “He’s not coming with us to see Uncle Liam. I said you could talk to him for a little while, so that’s what we’re going to do, okay?”

“Baba,” Niall whiles, wrapping himself around Harry’s legs. “Daddy go.”

Harry’s not at all embarrassed by the way that hearing Niall beg for him and show that he still cares about Harry makes him feel better. He remains silent though, not wanting to say anything to upset or offend Zayn, not when he’s voluntarily in the same room as him. He watches as Zayn looks at him for a moment, calculating something in his head and Harry feels as fear begins to spread throughout his body. He says a silent prayer that Zayn won’t be able to tell while he waits for Zayn to say something. 

When Zayn suggests that Niall spend the afternoon with Harry he’s not sure what to feel, relief? Gratitude? He doesn’t know, but he waits for Zayn to walk out of the studio before he allows his body to sag in relief. He drops down on the couch, letting the papers slide out of his hands as he holds his arms open for Niall. He waits for Niall to stop inside of his grasp before he pulls him into a hug, holding onto him tightly and trying to keep his breathing steady. 

“Daddy missed you,” Harry says, holding onto Niall, never wanting to let go. 

“Miss Daddy,” Niall says in return, shrugging out of Harry’s grasp. “We play?” 

“Yes, yes of course,” Harry says, standing up and grabbing the papers from off the couch. He clutches them in one hand while the other holds onto Niall’s hand, guiding him out of the studio. 

~~~ 

When they make it back to Harry’s house he makes them lunch, simple sandwiches and sliced fruit, and listens to Niall babble on everything. He even lets him slip cat a piece of sliced cheese that he doesn’t bother to eat, just chews on for a second before he spits it out on the floor. Niall finds it hilarious, brushing Cat’s tail in approval before he continues eating. 

But after lunch Harry takes him upstairs and suggests they take a nap. It’s a struggle walking up the stairs, having to carry Niall whom is carrying Cat. Kitty is already napping on Harry’s bed, blinking up at them sleepily before she goes back to sleep. 

He sets Niall down in his bed, helping him and the cat under the blankets (Cat struggles out of Niall’s grasp, pulling away from him to go and curl up at Niall’s feet) before Harry goes to lie down next to Niall. He’s tired, exhausted really, and he wants to take a nap as much as Niall needs to take one. So he crawls into bed next to Niall, lying on his side and stares at the little boy for a moment, taking in the scene before him. 

Harry thought that he might not get to see Niall for a long time, thought that the next time he saw Niall he’d be three years old and he might not want to call Harry daddy anymore. He had convinced himself that it would take ages for Zayn to forgive him, for Zayn to come to terms with what happened in their relationship. So it's still a shock for him to know that he’s in the same room as Niall, that he can reach out and run his fingers through his light colored hair, or hear his voice, or to just be able to look at him like he is now, watching as Niall twists his fingers around in Cat’s fur. 

“How’s daycare?” Harry asks for the simple reason of wanting to hear Niall’s voice some more. 

“Niall play. Niall do games.”

“That sounds fun, we can play after we take our nap, okay? Are you tired? Daddy’s tired.”

“I not,” Niall says, yawning as he says it. 

“I think you are,” Harry says, reaching out to tickle Niall’s stomach. “After our nap we can go for a swim.”

“Baba not swim.”

“No, Baba doesn’t like swimming, so it’ll be the two of us. Baba’s scared of the pool, isn’t he?”

“Baba cry,” Niall says as an answer. “He cry. Monkey fix.”

“The pool makes Baba cry?” Harry asks in confusion. “When did it make Baba cry?”

“No,” Niall says, firmly. “Baba cry. Not pool.”

“Baba cried?” Harry asks, the sinking feeling back in his stomach as he waits for Niall to elaborate, not understanding what Niall means. 

“Baba cry. Baba sleep cry,” Niall confirms. “Bad dream. Monkey fix.”

“Well,” Harry says, swallowing thickly, realizing that Niall is telling him that Zayn cries when he’s supposed to be sleeping. “Thank goodness for that Monkey, hmm?” 

“And Niall.”

“Always thankful for you, always,” Harry says. “You’re our special boy. I bet Baba misses you, after our nap we’ll call him, okay?” 

Harry thinks it’s the right thing to do, he thinks that it will help Zayn begin to trust him again, or to at least trust him with Niall. He can’t be out of their lives, he just can’t, and he’s willing to do anything to show Zayn that he’s sorry and that he can be trusted. He has no fucking clue how to do that but he thinks the right place is to start with Niall, because Niall is only person that Zayn has at the moment, and Harry needs to show Zayn that’s he’s still the same Harry he was with before. He wants Zayn to know that nothing has changed for him, that he still loves Zayn, still wants him, and still needs him. 

He drifts to sleep hoping that he’ll get the chance to prove it to Zayn. He drifts off to the sound of Niall telling Cat and Kitty to be quiet because Daddy is sleeping.

~~~ 

“Niall, can you say goodbye? You need to brush your teeth and get ready for bed,” Zayn says and Harry’s heart sinks as he realizes that he has to say goodbye with no promise of if they’ll be able to see each other again. He was hoping that when he dropped Niall off with the ceramics that he made that he’d be able to talk to Zayn. He’s not sure what he wants to ask him, but he wants to talk to him, wants to know if he can see Niall more. But he can tell that Zayn wants him out of the apartment and that he doesn’t want to be around Harry. 

He kneels down on the ground and pulls Niall into a hug, kissing him several times on the top of the head, trying his hardest to savor his last few minutes with Niall. He pulls away after a beat to say, “Daddy is really busy these next few days, so I might not see you for a while, okay?” It’s a lie about being busy, but he wants to say it so Niall knows that he’s being abandoned. He doesn’t want to be that guy. He doesn’t want to be like Amber and walk out of Niall’s life. He wants Niall to know that he might not see him again soon but he will. 

Niall’s shoulders as he looks at Harry, a pout forming as he understands what Harry just said. “Okay,” he agrees easily enough, nodding his head. 

“It’ll be okay,” Harry says. “You have fun with Baba, you don’t need me. Okay? Now say goodbye and give me another really big hug.”

Niall wraps his arms around him and squeezes as hard as he can, little fists digging into Harry’s shoulders as Harry holds onto him tightly. He enjoys the moment while he has it, tries to memorize what it’s like in his head. 

“Bye Daddy,” Niall says, kissing Harry’s cheek. “Love Daddy.” 

Harry’s stomach sinks as he realizes that this is goodbye, that he has to let go of Niall and has to leave Zayn’s apartment. He doesn’t want to, he thinks that he could stay in this place forever, hugging Niall and looking at Zayn out of the corner of his eyes. But he can’t. He has to let go. He has to go home, even if he has to leave his heart here. 

“Yeah, love Niall,” Harry says, pulling away from the hug to Niall on the forehead. He pulls himself up slowly, smiling at Zayn while he shrugs his shoulders. He’s ready to leave, thinks that he probably won’t get a goodbye from Zayn so he doesn’t have much point in staying any longer, but Niall’s voice stops him. 

“Baba say,” Niall instructs and Harry looks to see that he’s tugging on Zayn’s pant leg. 

“Bye, Harry,” Zayn says, his face void of emotion as he avoids looking at Harry. 

“No, Baba say. Daddy say,” Niall says, emphasizing the word ‘daddy’. 

Harry watches as Zayn releases a deep breath and says, “Bye, Daddy.”

Niall smiles at Zayn before turns to look at Harry. 

“Bye, Baba,” Harry says, smiling sadly at Zayn when he looks at him. He doesn’t think that Zayn knows it, but the pain is written in his eyes and Harry can’t stand the sight of it, so he disappears, taking a step out of the apartment and clutching the wall a few feet away. His heart is hammering in his chest, blood swirling in his ears as he struggles to catch his breath. He can feel the heavy weight pressing down on his torso as he stands there, squeezing his eyes shut tightly as he tries to forget the look behind Zayn’s eyes, the hollow emptiness and raw pain. Harry can’t stand to know that he put the look there. That he killed the soft glimmer in Zayn’s eyes, that he unlit the fire inside of him, the one that deserves to glow. 

He hears Niall say, “Love, Daddy. Baba say.” 

And for some sick, twisted reason Harry can’t seem to move from his spot. He’s frozen while he waits to hear what happens. 

“He’s not here anymore, Niall. Come on; let’s go get dressed for bed. We can put the cat you painted in your room. Doesn’t that sound fun?” Zayn says, and Harry feels the twist of his heart. “He’s beautiful,” Zayn continues. “Looks just like Cat if he had a little less orange and a little more green.”

“Baba say,” Niall insists, and Harry wishes he would stop, wishes that his feet would stop feeling like lead and that they’d walk him back to his car. 

“Love, Daddy,” Zayn says.

Harry leans his head against the rough exterior wall of Zayn’s apartment, breathing deeply as he tries to stop his hands from shaking. He hears the apartment door click shut, tilts his head to the side a little and sees that he’s alone, no one having stepped outside to see him standing there. 

He pulls away, reaching into his pocket for his keys; he thinks it’s time he goes home. He looks back at the door for a moment, staring at the entrance to Zayn’s apartment like it holds all the answers to his problems, like it can tell him why he hooked up with Louis, why he had to fuck up the greatest thing that’s ever happened to him. He feels like he’s been given a test and he knows that he’s already failing it, having cracked Zayn’s heart into so many pieces that he’s not sure he’ll every be able to find every chipped away section in order to piece it all back together again. 

Harry looks at the door for a moment longer, before he steps back slowly, taking a few steps away from the apartment. Before he leaves he mutters a quiet, “love you, Zayn” before he turns and heads back to his car, feeling as the strings of his heart are pulled as he walks further and further away from the place that he knows he belongs, but the one place in the entire world he can’t be.


	27. Chapter 27

“Baba doesn’t have to work this week, so do you want to go to daycare or do you want to stay home with Baba?” Zayn asks, dabbing remnants of breakfast off of Niall’s face. He pulls the cloth away, examining the syrup remains still on Niall’s cheeks. 

“I see Daddy,” Niall says, nodding his head at Zayn. “See Daddy.”

Zayn stands up and runs the cloth under water, wringing it out and kneeling back down to clean Niall’s face again. He ignores what Niall said, deciding against mentioning Harry until he figures out what he’s going to do about Niall’s growing demand to see him. So he scrubs Niall’s face clean, and says, “Baba or daycare?”

“Baba,” Niall shouts, pulling away from Zayn and throwing his fist in the air. “All day Baba!”

Zayn smiles, nods his head before he tosses the washcloth into the sink. “Well, then we should get you in the bath, shouldn’t we?” He grabs Niall’s hand, walking with him out of the kitchen and down the hall until they make it to the bathroom; he lets go of Niall’s hand, kneels down on the ground and starts the bath. Dropping the stopper into the drain, he turns around and motions for Niall to put his arms up in the air. 

When Niall’s completely undressed Zayn dips his hand in the tub, checking the temperature before he looks back at Niall. “Your diaper was dry, do you have to potty?”

“I not,” Niall answers as he begins taking a step back and shaking his head at Zayn. “Not potty.”

“I know you didn’t, but do you have to go before you get in the tub?” Niall shakes his head and Zayn sighs, realizing that his idea to test out using the potty isn’t going to go smoothly today. “Do you want to try and go potty? For Baba?” 

Niall bends over and grabs his clean diaper off the floor and tries to hand it to Zayn, smiling and nodding his head, like he’s encouraging Zayn to put the diaper on him. 

“No,” Zayn says, shaking his head and laughing lightly. “In the big boy potty, not your diaper. Do you want to try it?”

Niall looks at Zayn for a moment, and then glances behind him towards the toilet. “No,” he says, shaking his head. 

Zayn releases a deep breath, turning around quickly to shut the water off. When he looks back at Niall he sees that he’s tossed the diaper onto the floor, and is instead leaning over the edge of the tub and running his fingers across the water. 

“I’m not going to force you,” Zayn says, deflating in defeat as he looks at Niall. He doesn’t want to pressure him, but he also doesn’t want to be the bad parent who forces their kids to do things when they’re not ready, especially a developmental milestone. Niall has a few months left before Zayn has to worry, or before he really starts finding creative ways to get Niall to use the toilet. “One day you’ll have to use the big boy potty, just like Baba,” Zayn says, setting Niall down in the bathtub. “No more diapers.” 

“All time diapers,” Niall says, grabbing one of his toys. “All time.”

“Nope, everyone has to use the toilet at some point. You’re just a stubborn monkey,” Zayn says, reaching out and poking Niall on the nose. 

“Daddy not,” Niall says, matter of fact as he looks up at Zayn. 

“He’s not stubborn?” Zayn says, trying to keep his facial expression neutral. 

“Daddy not toilet,” Niall says, dragging out the last word. He doesn’t look up at Zayn when he says it; he keeps his eyes trained on the toy boat in his hand that he’s sliding across the top of the water. 

“You can ask him about his potty habits,” Zayn says, reaching across the tub for Niall’s shampoo. “We’re going to get you cleaned off and then you can play for a couple minutes, okay?” 

Niall nods his head obediently before he slaps his hand in the water and splashes Zayn. 

~~~ 

Zayn decides to spend the day inside, sharpening up on his drawing skills. He gathers an array of papers, markers, colored pencils, and pens onto the table in the living room where he and Niall are currently sat at, working on their own drawings. 

Niall has blue colored pencil lines across his paper, sections where the scribbles are rich and dark before they transition into whispers of lines, the pencil pressed down so lightly that you have to strain your eyes to see the blue. Zayn has his own sketchbook out, a clean, crisp sheet of paper where he’s working on another drawing of Niall, focusing on his nose and trying to get the details right. 

They’re in their own worlds, concentrating on what’s in front of them until Niall speaks out. 

“What draw?” Niall says, standing up a little higher to see Zayn’s sheet of paper. 

Zayn pulls his arm away, tilts the notebook over towards Niall and says, “You. I’m drawing you.”

“No,” Niall says, pushing away at the notebook. “Not Niall.”

“Why no? Baba loves drawing you.”

“I say no,” Niall says, tilting his head to the side and looking at Zayn. “Not Niall.”

“Well, Baba wants to draw you, so Baba is going to draw you.”

“Baba, Baba, Baba,” Niall says wildly, reaching out and cupping Zayn’s cheeks between his small hands. He presses in gently, scrunching Zayn’s face up in his hands so Zayn’s lips press together like he’s making a fish face. “Baba no.” He shakes his head at Zayn, continuing to hold onto his face for a second before he pulls away. “Baba no.”

“All right,” Zayn says, flipping his notebook open to a clean sheet of paper. “I won’t draw you.” 

“I draw Niall,” Niall says, picking up a yellow marker and handing it to Zayn. 

Zayn uncaps it for him before he hands it back, and says, “What can Baba draw, hmm? What do you want me to draw for you?” 

“Daddy,” Niall says with a firm nod of his head before he begins coloring yellow lines all over his sheet of paper. 

Zayn sighs, shaking his head. “No, Baba wants to draw something else. I can draw you a truck. Do you want a truck? Or a doggy or a kitty or a farm, I could draw a farm and have lots of different animals in the picture. You love animals, right? Baba could draw a farm.”

“Draw Daddy,” Niall says, dropping the yellow marker on the table and handing Zayn the red one. 

Zayn uncaps it dutifully and says, “What color is that?” He begins uncapping the rest of the markers so Niall won’t have to continue to ask him to do so and waits for Niall to answer. 

Niall’s looking at the marker in confusion before he says, “It green.”

“Red,” Zayn corrects. “That’s red.”

Niall shrugs his shoulders, not really caring what color in his hand as long as it does whatever it is he wants it to do on his drawing. Zayn watches him for a moment, watches as Niall’s hand creates harsh red lines across the yellow. He tears his eyes away and examines the array of colored pencils in front of him, running his fingers along their wooden surfaces until he settles on a tan one. He looks at it for a moment, wondering if it would capture highlights of Harry’s cheek, if it would match Harry’s skin tone, or if he’d need something lighter to get it right. He’d need something darker to match the freckle a little bit below his dimple; he’d need a darker shade to draw the shadow created in the dent of his dimple. 

“He’s not here, I can’t draw him, Ni,” Zayn says in defeat, setting the pencil down on the table and trying his best to stop thinking about the harsh line of Harry’s jaw, the lines of his nose, and gentle curve of his lips. He glances down at Niall to see him looking at him thoughtfully for a moment before he sets his marker down on the table and stands up. 

Zayn watches him, and is about to ask where he’s going but Niall has disappeared down the hall. He waits a minute, not letting his growing curiosity get the best of him, and when Niall returns he’s carrying one of the framed pictures from his bedroom in his hand. He passes it over to Zayn, and says. “That Daddy.” He points at the picture in Zayn’s hand and Zayn nods his head numbly as he stares at the smiling photograph of Harry. 

It’s a picture taken of them a couple months ago, Zayn wrapped up in a thin flannel jacket, his leather one on top of it. He’s standing next to Harry, who’s wearing a black shirt and dark green jacket, his coat so dark it almost blends in with Zayn’s jacket, their bodies appearing like they’re one. Zayn looks at the photograph, looks at the way their bodies are pressed together, Zayn’s head resting against the side of Harry’s. The flash is intense, whitening out their features and brightening the picture, but you can still see their smiles, can still feel the contentment rolling off of the image. Zayn looks at the picture and thinks about how happy he was that night, how they had left Niall with Louis and Liam and asked a stranger to take their picture. He remembers how the stumbled home and spent the night exploring each other’s skin and bodies, whispering soft words of love and longing to each other until the sun started to peek over the horizon. 

Harry printed the picture, said the grainy pixels from his cell phone gave it character, and that they looked happy, so fucking happy that he couldn’t let it sit in his phone forever, he wanted to see it all the time. So he framed it, placed it on his side of Zayn’s bed, where it stayed for all of four hours, because Niall saw it and demanded the picture, cried as he held it in his hand and told Harry that it was his. 

Zayn had forgotten about it, never having paid much attention to the pictures that Niall has on his bedside table, but he feels his heart twist as he stares at this one, the raw bliss inside of it making him ache in ways he’s been trying to forget, ways he hadn’t been feeling all day, not when he’s been focusing on Niall and blocking other thoughts from his mind. Looking at the picture now is a knife in his heart reminder that he and Harry aren’t in this place anymore; they don’t have that…not anymore. 

“Why am I drawing Daddy?” Zayn asks, tearing his eyes away from the photograph to look at Niall. 

“Love Daddy,” Niall says simply. 

Zayn nods his head and sets the frame down on the table, propping it up so the picture is staring at him as he grabs a colored pencil. 

~~~

“Are you sleeping in your bed or Baba’s bed?” Zayn asks, pulling Niall’s pajama shirt on him, pulling it down completely. 

“Here,” Niall says, pointing at his bed before he steps around Zayn and crawls into it. 

Zayn pulls the blankets over Niall’s body, smoothing them out before he grabs the book at the end of Niall’s bed and begins reading to him. It’s a short story about a bear and a mouse, he reads it, only stopping when Niall wants to interrupt him and say his thoughts on what is going on with the bear and mouse, using his own stuffed bear to try and show Zayn what the bear character could look like. 

When he finishes Niall still doesn’t look tired, looks like he’s fighting sleep to try and stay up. Zayn leans down and kisses Niall’s forehead, pulling away he begins fixing his blankets once again. “It’s bed time, so you have to go to sleep.”

“No,” Niall says, and even though he says no, he’s settling back against his pillow, curling his arm tighter around his stuffed animal. “Where Daddy?”

“He’s not here, bub. He’s getting ready for bed, too, probably already sleeping, which is why you should go to sleep.”

“Baba,” Niall whines, shifting his body around as he pouts at Zayn. “Baba no.”

Zayn reaches into his pocket without thinking about it and pulls out his phone, dialing the familiar number before he turns it on speakerphone. Niall stares at him in confusion as they listen to the phone ring, once, twice, thrice before they hear Harry’s low drawl. 

“Zayn?”

“Daddy!” Niall shouts, clapping his hands together and looking at Zayn excitedly. “I Niall.”

“Niall, what are you doing?” Harry asks, his voice changing to something soft. “You okay?”

“Daddy, bed time.” 

“Oh, did you call to say goodnight?” Harry asks. 

“I not,” Niall says, looking up at Zayn. “Baba call.”

“Oh, well, I bet Baba is ready for bed, so we can only talk for a couple of minutes, okay?”

“Okay. Daddy I draw,” Niall says, leaning back against the pillows again. “Draw Niall.”

“You drew yourself?” Harry asks. “I bet it was a beautiful drawing.”

Niall nods his head and says, “Baba draw Daddy.”

Zayn releases a deep breath, reaching up to rub his temple as he looks down at Niall. 

“Oh,” Harry says quietly. 

“I draw Niall. Baba draws Daddy. Daddy, you do?”

Harry clears his throat, the noise hushed like he pulled the phone away from his ear for a second. There’s a tiny shuffle from his end of the phone before, “I had lots of work today, had to do some Daddy stuff.” 

“Daddy, where you?” Niall asks, frowning at the phone. 

“Niall, it’s bedtime, so we’ll talk later, okay? Remember what I said to you?”

“No,” Niall says, shaking his head at the phone. 

“I said that Daddy is going to be really, really busy these next few days, so you have to have fun with Baba and not worry about me, right? Daddy’s very busy, and that’s why he can’t come over, okay? But I love you, love you a lot.”

“Love Daddy,” Niall says. 

“Night, little boy,” Harry says before he hangs up the phone. 

Zayn hangs up and is ready to shove his phone back in his pocket until he’s struck with another idea. He dials the number easily, puts it on speakerphone and waits. 

“Baba?” Niall asks, looking at the phone and then at Zayn. 

“Hold on a second, okay? When Baba nods his head you say hi, okay?”

Niall nods his head obediently and stares at Zayn, waiting to see him nod. 

The phone rings and just when Zayn is ready to hang up, thinking that Louis won’t answer, he hears, “Hello?”

Zayn nods his head and Niall says, “Hi,” his voice quiet and confused.

“Hello?” Louis says again, obviously not having heard Niall a second again. 

“Hi, I Niall,” Niall says louder. 

“Oh my god,” Louis breathes into the phone. “Niall, what are you doing?”

“I sleep,” Niall says, patting the blankets on his bed and looking up at Zayn with sleepy eyes. 

“Did you call to tell Uncle Lou good night?”

“Uncle Lou?” Niall says. “Where Lou?” 

“I’m at home. Did you know that your Baba left me at work all alone, so I had to do everything,” Louis says. “Silly Baba. ”

“Silly Baba,” Niall agrees, nodding his head seriously as he looks at Zayn. “Lou, sleep.”

Zayn snorts, rolling his eyes. 

“I am, I’m in bed, too. We should say goodnight, huh?”

“Night, Lou,” Niall says, rolling onto his side and cuddling his bear. Zayn reaches out with the hand not holding the phone and runs his fingers through Niall’s hair. 

“Uncle Lou loves you and misses you, so much,” Louis breathes into the phone. “I love you a lot, and miss you even more… and Baba.”

“Okay,” Niall says, his eyes fluttering closed. 

Zayn looks at him for a moment before he carefully stands up, making his way out of the room and turning the light off before he hears Louis say, “Did he fall asleep?”

“Yeah,” Zayn says, shutting the door behind him, leaving a tiny crack open. “He was fighting it, wanted to see Harry, so I called him, figured you might like a call as well.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Thank you, for calling me. I… it means a lot to me, it really does.”

“Yeah, well,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders as he sits down on his bed, staring at the paint on the wall as he thinks. “Can’t hide him away from the people he loves, can I?” 

“You could, but you love him far too much to do that, even if we deserve it.” 

Zayn nods his absently, shifting his gaze over towards the framed photographs on the end table, the ones of Niall throughout various stages of his short life. He takes a deep breath and lies back against his bed, staring at the ceiling he says, “Night, Louis.”

He hangs up before Louis gets a chance to say it back. Tossing the phone onto his pillows, Zayn thinks about everything going on in his life and the different ways it’s slowly beginning to seep into Niall’s life. He doesn’t know what to do about it, how to fix it, or how to make things easier for Niall. He can’t forget, and he’s not ready to forgive anyone, so he has to come up with something, come up with a way in order to keep Niall out of his break ups, the one he had with Harry and the one he had with Louis. He doesn’t know how he’s going to do it, create the illusion that Niall has nothing to worry about, because he doesn’t think he could handle it if Niall had to experiencing the twisting, aching, piercing pain in his heart that Zayn has right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the image I used for that picture Niall brought Zayn! [XX](http://24.media.tumblr.com/8e49f2881d3f7806e675e960084f734c/tumblr_mxop4bArms1qjj7jro1_500.png)


	28. Chapter 28

Zayn walks through his apartment attempting to find Niall. He’s trying not to panic, trying to keep his mind rational as he rushes into every room, checking every cabinet and behind every piece of furniture he can in order to find him. He knows that he’s inside, the front door is still locked completely, and no way Niall would know to lock them before he shut the door behind him. The problem is that Niall’s being quiet, so quiet that Zayn’s not sure where his son could be. He struggles to fight down the bubbling panic in his chest, the one that reminds him of the last time Niall was quiet and the seizure he had that resulted in a trip to the hospital. He doesn’t want to think about it, so he forces himself to stay calm. 

“Niall,” he calls again, peeking into Niall’s bedroom. He gets down on the floor and checks under his bed, looks in his closet, and shoves around different areas of his bedroom in search for his son. “Niall.” 

Zayn rests his head on the edge of Niall’s bed and tries to think of different hiding places in his tiny apartment that Niall could have stuffed his little body inside of. Pulling himself off the floor, Zayn goes to check the bathroom, yanking back the shower curtain and peeking inside of the cabinets is when he hears it, the soft, wet sound of something slapping on the ground. He follows it into his bedroom, the sound echoing across his room. He doesn’t immediately see Niall but he hears the noise again and that’s when it hits him that Niall is in his bathroom. Pushing the door open, Zayn is immediately met with the sight of Niall sitting on the floor in just his diaper, covered in shaving cream. He knows that's what it is, the discarded bottle lying on the floor next to him tells him everything he needs to know. It’s in his hair, on his stomach, his arms, and his legs. It’s smeared on the floor, too, along with Zayn’s shampoo, the contents of which Niall has his hands inside of, rubbing it around on the floor. 

“What are you doing?” Zayn asks, too relieved from finding Niall to feel angry about the fact that the entire bottle of his shampoo, brand new shampoo and shaving cream have been dumped on the ground. 

“Cleaning,” Niall says, continuing to rub the shampoo around on the floor without looking up at Zayn. 

“Cleaning,” Zayn repeats, huffing out a laugh. He steps around Niall, making his way around the mess to start the bathtub. “Did you hear Baba calling your name?”

“Yes,” Niall says, nodding his head. “Not answer.”

“I know you didn’t, you scared me. You have to answer when Baba calls, do you understand?” 

“Baba, I clean,” Niall says. 

“Yeah, you did something, didn’t you? Made a mess of Baba’s bathroom,” Zayn says, sitting down on the edge of the bath. “Stand up, come here.” 

Niall sighs, standing up carefully and making his way over towards Zayn, almost slipping on a patch of shampoo before Zayn catches him. Zayn removes his diaper and lifts Niall up off the floor, slowly lowering him down into the tub. 

“I not done,” Niall says, glaring at Zayn. 

“We’re going out today, so you have to be nice and clean,” Zayn says, shutting off the tap. “First, I’m going to clean this floor off, then it’s your turn. Actually, Baba wants to take your picture.” Zayn pulls his cell phone out of his pocket, switching it to camera and taking a picture of Niall smiling up at him with shaving cream in his hair and covering his body. 

“Send Daddy,” Niall says, standing up and looking at the picture Zayn took. “Send Daddy.”

Zayn nods his head, acting like he’s going to send the picture to Harry as he composes it in a message to his mother, writing out a message that reads, _‘Niall says he loves you and misses you, wants to know if your bathroom could use a good cleaning,’_ before he sends it. He knows that Niall doesn’t know what it looks like to send a message, but if he goes through the motions, then maybe, just maybe, he can convince Niall that’s he sent the picture to Harry and not to his mother. 

“Baba, send Daddy,” Niall says, sitting back down in the tub. “Send.”

Zayn sighs and shakes his head, opening up a new message and attaching the picture to send off to Harry. He shoves his phone back in his pocket, and looks at Niall. “Should I clean you or the floor first?” 

“Floor.” 

Zayn nods his head as he stares down at the mess on the ground, shaking his head at the ominous pile of shampoo and shaving cream on the ground. 

~~~ 

“Where go?” Niall asks, holding onto Zayn’s hand as they walk down the street. 

“Well, Baba has some shopping to do today, mostly for shampoo and shaving cream, but I need other stuff, too. And you are going to visit someone,” Zayn says, swinging their hands a little as they walk. 

“Who?” Niall asks. 

Zayn doesn’t answer, instead he guides Niall down the familiar road that leads to the diner. It was a spontaneous decision to bring him to see Louis, one that he’s not sure he’s ready for or that he agrees with, but he knows that Niall deserves to be able to see his Uncle, even if Louis doesn’t deserve that right. 

It’s apart of the illusion that Zayn is trying to create, the one that doesn’t turn Niall’s world upside down, even if that’s the way Zayn’s is. Niall loves Louis and he loves Harry, neither of them betrayed his trust, cheated on him, or broke his heart. Niall doesn’t deserve to be punished by not allowing him to see the people that he cares about. Zayn figures that he can allow Niall to see them now, and if he continues to not be Louis’ friend and he continues to be separated from Harry, then he slowly start adding more time in between their visits, slowly start cutting off phone calls, until Niall stops asking for the two of them. 

He’s not sure if he wants to do that, but he needs to keep his options open, needs to remember that he’s doing this for Niall, especially now that he’s rounding the corner to the diner. 

“When we get inside I want you to be quiet, okay? At least until we see Uncle Lou, we don’t want to disturb people eating, right?”

“Yes,” Niall says, nodding his head and allowing Zayn to pick him up. 

Zayn pushes open the door to the diner open; glancing around he sees that the lunch crowd is gone, replaced by an elderly woman and man in the far side of the diner. He makes his way around the counter, peeking through the hole in the wall to see Louis making what can only be his own lunch. 

“Lou,” Niall shouts, slapping his hand against the wall. “Louis, Niall.” 

Louis jumps, turning around quickly and staring at the two of them. “What are you doing here? Wait, give me a minute, I’m almost finished.”

Zayn nods his head and makes his way over towards the booth that they always eat at for lunch, setting Niall down on his side and sliding in next to him. His plan is to have Louis watch him for a half an hour while he runs out to buy the few items that he needs, a plan that he’s pretty sure Louis will go for. 

Louis walks out, carrying a giant bowl full of food and setting it down on the table before he slides onto his side. He stares blankly at Niall and then at Zayn for a second before he breathes out, looking like a wave of relief has washed over his body. “You’re here… I didn’t think… What are you two doing here?” 

“I eat,” Niall says, reaching across the table to help himself to some of Louis’ food. 

“He made a mess this morning, emptied out my shaving cream and shampoo, so I need to get new ones. I thought that maybe you’d want to watch him for a couple minutes while I go do that. I have to grab some other stuff, he’s out of diapers and we need cereal and a few other things, but I wouldn’t be gone long. It’s okay if you want to say no.”

“Say no? Are you joking? That’s the last thing in the entire world you’d hear come out of my mouth. Oh my god, Niall. You’re here.” Niall nods his head, looking at Louis seriously like he’s confirming Louis’ statement. “I’ll watch him for you, thank you, so much for thinking of me. I mean it. You did more than you needed to when you let me talk to him on the phone, I didn’t think I’d get to see his face for a long time. I really, really appreciate it.” 

“Yeah, well,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s not really about you. He loves you, you’ve never done anything to make me think that you’d hurt him the way you’ve hurt me, so I know that I can trust you with him. I know that he loves you and just because people have wounded me doesn’t mean that they’ll cause the same damage to him. I won’t cause the same damage to him. I need him to think that his life is normal, because my heartbreak shouldn’t be affecting him. This has nothing to do with you, or anything to do with making your life better.’ 

“I know,” Louis says, speaking softly. “I know you wouldn’t do this for anyone besides him. I just want you to know that, despite this action being meant for Niall, it means a lot to me.”

“And Niall,” Niall says, acting like he understand what Louis and Zayn are talking about as he grabs more food out of Louis’ bowl. “Baba, juice!” 

“I’ll get it,” Louis says, making to slide out of the booth until Zayn waves him off. 

“I’ll grab it and then I’ll head out. I’d say he’s not hungry but apparently he is, so I’m sorry if he eats your lunch,” Zayn says, turning away from the table to head into the kitchen. 

He gets Niall his drink, putting the straw in it for him and carries it out to the table. Setting it down, he leans over and kisses Niall on the head. “Baba will be back soon, okay? Have fun with your Uncle Lou.” 

“Bye Baba,” Niall says, not looking at Zayn as he goes to get a sip from his drink. 

Zayn hesitates on saying anything to Louis; instead he waves awkwardly and walks out of the door before either of them can say anything else. He told him everything he needed to know, that this is about Niall and not about Louis, because really that’s all there is to it. Nothing matters to Zayn right now besides making sure that his son doesn’t suffer in anyway close to the way is right now, he wants to make sure that Niall doesn't go without. 

~~~ 

Zayn’s cart is full with everything he needs, minus Niall’s diapers. He’s walking through the store, making his way over towards their location when he starts thinking about Niall and his newfound plan to keep his life as normal as possible. He creates a schedule in his mind, figures out what days and when he can bring Niall to different locations, when he ask someone else if they want to pick Niall up from daycare, or when they want Niall to spend the night at their house. It mostly consists of a couple hours worth of time divided up in the week between Liam, Louis and Harry. 

He remembers Liam’s statement, the one that said it was almost like he had split custody with Harry, that they’re sharing Niall’s time as dictated by Zayn. And it’s true. Zayn’s turned into the court system, the ruling power over decisions about where Niall can and cannot be, whom he can and cannot see. And with Niall seeing Louis right now, he tries to decide who should see him next Liam or Harry. 

He knows what the answer is as soon as the thought crosses his mind. And as much as he doesn’t want to do this, he knows that he should do this now before he chickens out. He should do this now in a public place so his emotions can’t get the best of him, not like they did in the bar after the incident. 

He pulls out his phone and dials the familiar number, pressing it against his ear and listening to it ring as nerves eat away at his stomach. His hands are shaking, his palms beginning to sweat as he chews on his bottom lip, the feelings only intensified when he hears the low drawl of Harry’s phone in his ear. 

“Hello?” 

Zayn swallows, trying to remove the lump in his throat that’s formed at the sound of Harry’s voice. 

“Hello?” 

“Um, hi,” Zayn says slowly, running his fingers along the packages of diapers on the store shelf. 

“Zayn? Is everything okay? Is Niall okay?” 

“Yeah.” 

“What’s going on?” Harry asks, concern still in his voice. 

Zayn rolls his eyes at himself, annoyed that he can’t seem to get a sentence out now that Harry’s on the phone, someone he’s spoken with a million times, someone he’s talked to since the break up. He’s mostly annoyed with how it seems to never get easy anymore, how stressed their relationship is, whatever it is at this point. He doesn’t know anymore, two people that used to be in a relationship, one with a son that believes the other is his other father, the main cause of the fact they haven’t had a clean break, no time to stop thinking about the other, to get over the other. 

He just doesn’t know how to handle it all anymore, so he reminds him that he’s doing this for Niall, and takes a deep breath. “I was wondering if you would be interested in Niall-“

“Yes,” Harry says, interrupting Zayn. “Shit, sorry. Sorry. Finish. I’m sorry.” 

“I was wondering if Niall could come over tomorrow, spend the day with you. I can come and get him before dinner, you wouldn’t have to worry about that, but I could bring him over in the morning, or you could come get him.” 

“Yes. God, of course I want him to come over. Yeah. I can come over in the morning. I have to drop some stuff off at work, just some papers and what not, but I can be there right afterwards at 8 or 9, whatever you want. If you want later we could do that, or earlier. I could get him before work, if that’s what you want. Anything.” 

“Nine, that’s all right, I’ll need to feed him and get him ready, so nine is good. I’m not going to tell him, probably will surprise him.” 

“Yeah, that’s okay. I’m really… I’m so happy that he’s going to be coming over. And thank you, for the picture. I don’t know what was going on but he looked cute, so thank you.”

“Thank Niall, he made me send it.” 

“Yeah, of course. But I mean, like, you did it, right? You sent the picture, so thanks.” Harry pauses, and it sounds like he’s taking a deep breath, judging by the sound in Zayn’s ear. “I really miss him,” Harry says, he lowers his voice even more when he adds, “and you, too.” 

Zayn pinches the bridge of his nose and chokes out a breath. He focuses on the sound of his own breathing, the pumping of his heart inside his chest, and tries to calm down his nerves and his mind. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry says. “I shouldn’t have said that, fuck. Sorry. I do miss you, all the fucking time, but I shouldn’t put any pressure on you by saying that. Fuck. I’m going to go. Listen, I’m sorry, okay? I really, really appreciate that you’re letting me see Niall, and I’ll be by at nine to pick him up. I can… I can still see him, right? It’s still okay?” 

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Zayn says, trying his best to keep his voice steady. 

“Good, that’s good. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Harry says quietly before he hangs up the phone. 

Zayn pulls the phone away from his ear, breathing deeply as he shoves it back into his pocket. He shakes his head, clearing his mind before he grabs the diapers off the shelf and heads to check out, all the way trying to get Harry’s words out of his head.


	29. Chapter 29

It’s seven minutes to nine and Zayn regrets telling Harry that he could pick Niall up. He’s just. It’s not. It doesn’t have anything to do with Harry, really. It’s just that Zayn woke up late, having only woken up just twenty minutes ago. He wasn’t able to bathe Niall like he wanted, not even able to take his own shower, so his hair is standing up in odd directions, his bed head worse than it’s ever been before. It figures though, everything working against him as he rushes to get Niall ready with limited time left over. He still hasn’t told Niall that he’s going to see Harry today, ignores Niall’s inquires when asks why Zayn is doing this or that. 

There’s a knock on their door, Zayn knows it’s Harry but Niall gasps, his eyes lighting up, wondering who could be at the door. 

“Baba,” Niall says. “Baba door.”

“Niall, do you want to answer the door?” Zayn asks, standing up to look at Niall, dropping the last of the diapers into the bag he prepared. He’s really not sure what Harry has a this place right now, if he’s stocked up on diapers and everything else that Niall needs, so he packed a bag, figured it’s the safest thing to do. 

Niall nods his head, brushes past Zayn and heads towards the front door. Zayn follows behind him, helping him unlatch the locks and turn the knob before he steps back completely out of the way. 

“Daddy,” Niall shouts when the door is fully open, revealing Harry. He jumps forward, wrapping his little body around Harry’s legs as Harry enters the apartment, closing the door behind him and doing his best to hug Niall back. Niall pulls away, smiling at Harry before he turns around to look at Zayn. “Baba, Daddy.” 

“I can see that,” Zayn says, trying to act as excited as Niall is. 

“Why here?” Niall asks, turning around to look at Harry. 

Harry kneels down on the floor and Zayn watches as he smiles softly, reaching out to brush at Niall’s hair. “You’re going to spend the day with me, we’re going to go back to my house. Daddy, Niall, Cat, and Kitty, just us four.” 

“And Baba,” Niall says. 

“No, Baba has to work,” Zayn lies. “Baba can’t go, I wish I could.” 

Niall sighs sadly, shaking his head. “Baba go.” 

“You’ll still have fun,” Zayn says. “I’m sure there are lots of fun things planned for today.” 

“Lots of things,” Harry confirms. “I was awake all night cleaning the house and thinking of things we could do today. I even went to the store and bought you special snacks for after lunch later.” 

“What you’d get him?” Zayn asks, unable to keep his curiosity quiet. 

Harry looks up at him, green eyes sparkling. “Um, well. I kind of wanted it to be a surprise, if that’s okay.” 

Zayn looks at him for a moment, considering. “Niall, can you go into your room and get your bag? The one Baba was packing. You’ll need diapers if you don’t want to use the big boy potty today, so go and get it.” Niall nods his head, running out of the room and towards his bedroom. Zayn waits until Niall’s turned into his room before he looks back at Harry. “He’s gone now, so what did you have planned today?”

“Nothing really, I just bought him ice cream. It’s supposed to be nice today, so I thought we could eat it outside, maybe go swimming or something. That’s okay, right? You’re okay with me doing that, right? I have lotion to make sure he doesn’t burn, and everything he’ll need for safe swimming. I just know he likes it a lot,” Harry says, chewing on his bottom lip. 

Niall’s little feet can be heard running down the hallway and Zayn turns to look at him to see Niall’s dragging the bag behind him, contents spilling out as he runs. Zayn sighs, shaking his head. “Yeah, it’s fine. I just wanted to know what you had planed. I just. I like to know his schedule, you know? Fuck, hold on.” Zayn turns around, making his way down the hallway to pick up all the stray items littering the floor before he helps Niall with the bag, taking it from him and carrying it back to the living room. “I packed him a bag.” 

“Oh. Is he, um, spending the night?” Harry asks, bending down in time to catch Niall who had jumped in the air, his arms held up for Harry to grab him. 

“No, but he has things he needs, yeah? Like his blanket, his stuffed animals, some toys and diapers, the usual stuff.” 

“Daddy, go,” Niall says in Harry’s arms, pointing towards the door behind him. He shifts his body weight around, trying to push Harry towards the exit. 

“Say goodbye to Baba first,” Harry says, bouncing Niall slightly. 

Niall turns around, puckering his lips up, pushing them so they’re pushed upwards into his nose and waiting for Zayn to give him a kiss. Zayn does, doing his best to hug him even though he’s still in Harry’s arms. 

“You’ll have fun, right? Call Baba if you need me.” 

“Yes,” Niall says, nodding his head once. “Daddy.” 

“Yeah, he’ll call me for you,” Zayn confirms, dropping another kiss to Niall’s forehead. 

“No, Daddy,” Niall says, pushing Zayn’s face over so it’s directly in front of Harry’s. “Bye Daddy.” 

Zayn stands up a little straighter, pulling away so his face isn’t inches from Harry’s anymore. He could feel Harry’s breath against his mouth; feel the short puffs of minty air hitting his lips, driving him crazy. He clears his throat a little, trying to think of ways to get out of kissing Harry goodbye. He can’t do it, the only thing he can think about as he stares at Harry’s lips, the subtle curve of the cupid’s bow, the plumpness of his bottom one, the perfect pout of them as he stares back at Zayn. He’s looking at Harry’s lips, but the only thing he sees is them opening up and allowing Louis’ tongue to slip inside of them. His heart races as he fumbles to clear his mind, unable to stop himself from stepping back and shaking his head as he replays the cheating in his mind. Harry frowns at him sadly, probably from knowing what Zayn is thinking about. 

“Baba said bye to me when you were getting the bag,” Harry says, tossing the strap of said bag over his shoulder. “We don’t need to say goodbye again.” 

“Yeah,” Zayn says, nodding his head, watching Harry carefully. He’s avoiding Zayn, his gaze never leaving Niall as he smiles nervously and sadly, like he’s upset that he can’t say goodbye to Zayn in the way that Niall wants. Zayn swallows thickly; releasing a deep breath as his heart beat begins to slow back down. 

“Niall not see,” Niall says, frowning. “Baba do bye.” 

“You’re wasting time, bub. We said bye, now go have fun with Daddy, okay? Baba needs to get ready for work,” Zayn lies, kissing Niall once more. “Baba loves you.” 

“Love Baba,” Niall says obediently, waving over Harry’s shoulder when he turns around and makes his way out of Zayn’s apartment. 

Zayn releases a deep breath, dropping down into one of the chairs when the door closes behind him. Niall’s going to be the death of him, he thinks, shaking his head. 

~~~ 

Zayn spends his time without Niall cleaning their apartment, washing Niall’s dirty laundry and his sheets, taking care of his own items. He showers, shaves, and reorganizes as much as he can, all the while waiting for the clock to tell him that it’s nearly time to go and get Niall. 

His apartment has never been cleaner, especially while Niall has been alive, but he takes his time scrubbing the floors, vacuuming the carpet, getting the stains out of Niall’s clothes. It’s domestic routines, boring and mundane, but it settles Zayn’s nerves, keeps him from wanting to check his phone every three minutes, waiting for Harry to send him an update or a picture. If he was still a friend to Louis he could have called him, begged him to come over and kill time with him, or help him come up with schemes that could get Niall home sooner. 

But he’s not one of Louis’ friends, not anymore, so he continues to clean, waiting for his opportunity to see Niall.

He glances at the clock, notices that it’s a little after twelve, so he puts away his cleaning products, washing his hands before he climbs into bed, falling asleep, hoping when he wakes up it’s time to get Niall. 

~~~ 

Zayn steps out of the cab, he slips him the money for the ride over and tells him to wait, says that he just needs to grab his son and they’ll be leaving again. The driver nods, counting the bills in his hand as Zayn steps out of the car. He slams the door behind him, walking through Harry’s yard and up his stairs and then knocks on his door. He waits, peeking through the window. He doesn’t hear anything, can hear what he thinks is Niall’s laughter but he’s not sure. No one is answering, and Zayn, while he doesn’t want to panic, knows that he still has a key. He weighs the options in his head, tries to figure out if Harry would be angry or not if Zayn unlocked the door and let himself in. Luckily, he doesn’t have to figure it out because he hears voices approaching, Niall and Harry’s, except they’re not in the house. 

“Baba!” 

Zayn turns around and sees Harry and Niall behind him, walking from what he guesses is the backyard. Zayn looks at the two of them, taking in Harry’s white swim trunks with a green band along the top three inches. He’s wearing a white shirt with ‘Kiss’ written across it, the sleeves rolled and what Zayn can only assume is the ugliest grey hat he’s ever seen placed on his head. Niall’s wearing Harry’s aviators, shirtless with a pair of trunks that Zayn’s never seen before, blue and red and white lines. His hair is in one of the ponytails that he likes Harry to do when they’re together and he wonders if Harry has one under his hat. 

“What are you doing here?” asks Harry, confusion etched on his face as he sets Niall down on the ground. 

“I said I was going to come and get Niall before dinner,” Zayn says, bending down to pick him up. He kisses Niall’s cheek, smiles at him. “So that’s what I’m doing.” 

“Oh,” Harry says, frowning. “I. Uh, we were about to go swimming.” 

“Baba swim?” Niall asks, staring at Zayn, the smile still on his face. 

“No, we’re going home. It’s time to go home. The taxi’s waiting for us,” Zayn says, pointing towards the car behind Harry. As soon as the words leave his mouth the cab begins to roll backwards before it disappears all together. “Well, it was waiting for us.” 

“I could take you home,” Harry says. “Let me just run inside and grab my keys, I’ll only be a second.”

“Baba, no,” Niall says, shaking his head. “No, no.” He repeats it over and over again until he starts coughing, his little body shaking it with it. Zayn pats him on the back, shushing him quietly until Niall’s done coughing. “Niall swim.” 

“All right, yeah. You can swim for a little while, but when Baba says it’s time to go, then you have to be ready to go, okay?” Niall nods his head. “Good, now how long have you been coughing?” 

“He was doing it a bit earlier. I was going to call you, I promise, but it was just sporadically and he was acting fine, just coughing every now and then. He said he was okay, his throat hurt a little, but I gave him some warm milk with lunch and he said he felt better. I was going to tell you about it when you came to get him, I promise,” Harry says, a bit frantic. 

“Okay,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s not really your fault, I was just wondering.” He makes his way off the porch, walking towards Harry as they head back towards the pool in the backyard. He still has Niall in his arms, bouncing lightly as they walk. “Did you have fun so far?” 

“Eat ice cream, take nap,” Niall says, nodding his head, pulling the sunglasses off his face and handing them to Zayn. 

“He helped me make lunch and we watched a movie, took a nap and then ate ice cream out on the porch. We had just walked outside for a swim when we heard your taxi approaching, so he put on those sunglasses and we made our way to the front.” 

“Sounds like an eventful day,” Zayn says. “Anything else interesting happen?”

Niall’s expression lights up as he remembers something. “Kitty smile,” Niall says, looking at Zayn with bright blue eyes and a smile on his face. “Kitty smile Niall.” 

“She hissed at him,” Harry corrects when Zayn looks up at him questioningly. “He was pulling her tail a bit and she didn’t really like it, she was sleeping and she woke up startled. Hissed at him a bit, I think because her teeth were showing he thought she was smiling. She didn’t try to bite him or anything, stopped as soon as she figured out what was happening and who it was.” 

“Kitty smile,” Niall says. 

“Well, maybe next time we can make her smile without hurting her. Kitty and Cat don’t want their tails pulled. You have to pet them, soft touches, right?” 

Niall nods his head and wiggles around in Zayn’s arms when he sees that they’re back by the pool. Zayn sets him down on the ground, stepping out of the way when Harry appears behind him with a bottle of sunscreen. He watches as Harry rubs the lotion against Niall’s skin, making his skin paler before it returns back to its normal color. It’s a little after three, Zayn arriving earlier than he should have to pick Niall up. But the sun is still hung in the sky and he’s not going to let his son get burned. 

“Baba swim?” Niall asks, looking up at him as Harry helps him into a life jacket. 

“No, babe, Baba is going to watch while you swim.” 

Niall pouts a little, bottom lip jutting out and Zayn feels bad for a second, but not enough to want to sneak upstairs and steal a pair of Harry’s shorts. Next to him, Harry removes his shirt, tossing it to the side and then taking off his hat. Zayn avoids looking at him, smiling at Niall before he sits down on the chair on the side of the pool, moving Harry’s stuff off of it and down onto the ground. 

“Baba,” Niall prompts, looking at him expectantly. 

“What?” Zayn asks, looking at him. 

“Baba, you shirt,” Niall says, stepping forward and tugging at it. “Off.” 

Zayn sighs, removing his own shirt and dropping it down next to Harry’s. He’s not really in the mood to argue, the action makes Niall smile and take Harry’s hand, allowing him to lead him into the pool. 

Zayn leans back in the chair, bare chest exposed, wearing only a pair of grey jeans as he watches Harry step into the pool, tan torso in stark contrast to the water. Niall follows with him, holding onto Harry as they walk around the pool, Niall’s legs kicking and making splashes as they go, squealing in happiness. 

Zayn smiles at the sight, pulling out his phone and taking a couple pictures. 

~~~ 

“All right, come here,” Zayn says, holding a towel open for Niall. 

It’s a little after six, Niall having been in the pool for almost three hours, his skin prune-y and despite not showing any signs of wanting to stop, Zayn decided to put an end to it, Harry not arguing as he hauls his exhausted body out of the pool, wet shorts clinging to him. Zayn focuses on Niall, helping out of the life jacket before he uses the towel to try and dry him off. 

“Not done,” Niall says, breaking away from Zayn and running towards the pool. 

“Niall, no,” Zayn shouts, jumping up and trying to follow Niall, hoping to stop him before Niall tries to dive into the water without his life jacket on. 

Harry gets there first, grabbing Niall by the arm when he tries to jump in the pool, suspended in the air by the grip Harry has on him Harry shifts him around, setting him down on solid ground. He’s still holding onto his arm, looking at Zayn, his expression frantic; chest rising and falling as they both take in what was about to happen. 

“No,” Niall shouts, shaking out of Harry’s grip. “No.” He screams it, slapping Harry in the thigh. He continues to yell at him, hitting him repeatedly as tears fall down his face. 

Zayn’s stunned for a moment, his mouth dropped open as he watches Niall continue to scream no and hit Harry. He snaps out of it, reaching forward and pulling Niall away and into his arms. “What happened?” He asks, because he’s not sure why Niall’s acting the way he is, never having seen his son lash out like this before. 

“Hurt Niall,” Niall cries, shoving his face into Zayn’s neck. Zayn can feel him crying, tears landing on his neck and dampening his shirt. 

“Niall, I’m sorry,” Harry says. “I just didn’t want you to get in the water, you could drown.”

Niall pulls his face out of Zayn’s neck and screams, “no! Hate Daddy. Hate.” 

“Niall, stop,” Zayn says, rubbing his back. He’s not sure who he should be comforting, Niall, who is screaming and crying in his arms, tears rolling down his cheeks as he cries, or Harry, who looks like he’s been kicked in the heart. “Niall, you can’t get in the water without Baba or Daddy, you know the rules. You could have gotten hurt.” 

“Niall hurt,” Niall shouts, pointing towards his arm. “Hurt.” 

“I’m sorry,” Harry says. 

Niall screams again, kicking around in Zayn’s arms and Zayn’s never seen him act like this before. “Hate Daddy,” Niall says, dropping his face back into Zayn’s neck. 

“Maybe, I should just take you home,” Harry says, pulling his shirt on. “I’ll grab my keys, car should be unlocked.” 

Zayn doesn’t get the chance to say anything, just watches him walk away. He sighs, releasing a deep breath before he heads towards the car, a crying Niall in his arms. 

~~~ 

The car ride is long and silent, Niall crying for a good fifteen minutes, sobbing into Zayn’s arm as they drive. Zayn opted to sit in the back, trying to calm Niall down and explain to him what he did was wrong, and that Harry didn’t mean to hurt him. The situation having gotten worse than it should have, Harry having done the right thing and Niall lashing at because Harry hurt his arm in the process. 

Niall’s finally sleeping, head lolled to the side. It feels like it took ages and Zayn’s exhausted, his body sagging into the seat, like it was him that had been crying. 

“Pull over,” Zayn says, leaning forward in his seat. 

“We’re almost to your place, not much point in pulling over,” Harry replies, his voice even and short. 

“Just pull over,” Zayn says, knowing fully well that Harry will do anything he asks of him. 

Harry sighs, flicking on the blinker, glancing behind him before he eases onto the side of the road. Zayn takes off his seatbelt and steps out of the car, getting into the front seat. “Drive,” he says, putting on his seatbelt. 

Harry does, pulling back into traffic with ease and taking Zayn and Niall home silently. 

“It was an accident,” Zayn says. 

“He said he hated me,” Harry says miserably. “He screamed and flinched when I tried to get near him.” 

“He was upset. He’s two, toddlers aren’t usually known for being able to handle their emotions very well. You hurt him, yes, but it was an accident. You didn’t intentionally do it. All he knows is that you stopped him from doing what he wanted and he got hurt in the process. He doesn’t understand.” 

“He hates me.” 

“He doesn’t hate you,” Zayn says, sighing. 

“I hurt him, the same way I hurt you.” 

“You fucked his best friend?” Zayn deadpans, shaking his head at Harry. “No you didn’t, what happened with Niall has nothing to do with me.” 

“No, I hurt him physically by grabbing his arm to stop him from jumping into the pool. I hurt you physically by breaking your heart. I hurt you emotionally by breaking your heart. I hurt him emotionally because I hurt his arm, he doesn’t trust me anymore. Do you know how hard it’s going to be to get that trust back? I have to get Niall back the same time I have to get you back.” 

“Harry, you’re being dramatic. You betrayed my trust, you cheated on me, and you fucked my best friend. Oh, and you lied to me, because you did it more than once and kept it hidden from me. You stopped Niall from doing what he wanted, which he shouldn't have been doing. You were being a parent,” Zayn shouts, rolling his eyes. He checks the backseat to make sure that Niall’s still sleeping. 

Harry doesn’t say anything, turns into Zayn’s apartment complex and shuts the car off. 

“I don’t really have the best luck at keeping a Malik happy, do I?” Harry asks miserably, staring ahead of him. 

“Niall being angry isn’t your fault,” Zayn says. “He would have fallen into the pool and hurt himself if you hadn’t have grabbed his arm like that. He’s just. He’s young, he doesn’t understand. You didn’t intentionally go out to hurt him. A hurt arm is better than him drowning, not like he would with us standing there, but you have to look at the big picture. You hurt his arm, he’s upset, but you did the right thing.” 

“It doesn’t feel like the right thing,” Harry mumbles. 

“Maybe it’s just best if you don’t see him for a little while,” Zayn says, looking at Harry. Harry nods his head, his expression gloomy as he stares out of the front window. 

Zayn shakes his head at Harry, annoyed with him. He grabs Niall’s bag off the floor, tossing it over his shoulder before he steps out of the car, slamming the door shut behind him before he opens the back door and gets Niall out of his seat. He doesn’t look back at Harry as he carries Niall towards their apartment, but he knows Harry stays until he’s safely inside, can feel his eyes on his back as he goes.


	30. Chapter 30

Zayn’s sat at the kitchen table, sketch pad out in front of him as he works on another drawing of Niall, trying to work from memory instead of looking at Niall. It’s difficult but the drawing looks like Niall and that’s all he really wanted. He glances up at the clock, seeing that it’s a little after ten in the morning and he sighs because he hasn’t heard any noise from Niall’s room all morning. He flips his sketchbook closed and makes his way down the hall to sneak into Niall’s room. Pushing the door open, he peeks inside of Niall’s room and sees him wide awake, lying on his side, brushing his hand across the top of his stuffed animals head, petting him and whispering to him quietly.

“What are you doing, Ni?” Zayn asks, stepping into the room. Niall jumps, turning his head to look at Zayn and frowning, holding his arms in the air.

“Baba,” he whines, sitting up slowly and crawling to the edge of the bed, hugging onto Zayn when he kneels down next to him.

Zayn hugs him back, holding onto him for a moment before he kisses his head and pulls away, looking at Niall carefully. “What’s going on, bub? Why are you hiding in your room?”

“Tummy.” Niall points to his stomach, frowning even more.

“It hurts?” Niall nods his head. “You feel a little warm,” Zayn says, moving his hand from Niall’s back to press the back of his hand to Niall’s cheek, then his forehead and the back of his neck. “Do you not feel well? Besides your tummy, what else hurts?”

Zayn tries to think back, tries to remember if Niall was warm yesterday or not, but he can’t think of anything other than the cough he had yesterday at Harry’s. He makes a note to call Harry, to ask him as many questions he can about Niall’s behavior yesterday when he wasn’t with him. He hopes even more that Harry remembers, or at least thought to check Niall’s temperature when he started coughing.

“Not good,” Niall says, nodding his head, slumping forward to rest his head on Zayn’s chest. “Tummy hurt.”

“Maybe you’re hungry, baby. Let’s go in there and get you something to eat, something light though, like some toast, or well bread since you don’t like it toasted. And maybe some water, Baba would give you juice but it could make your tummy worse,” Zayn says, lifting Niall off the bed.

“Baba, Lion,” Niall says, pointing back towards the bed. And Zayn bends back over to grab his lion, passing it over to Niall before he makes his way towards the kitchen. He sets Niall down on the counter, tells him to sit still while he fills a sippy cup with water, and hands Niall a slice of bread. It’s a shitty breakfast, but it’ll be easy on his stomach.

“Slow sips, don’t drink too much.”

“Okay,” Niall whines, squinting his eyes at Zayn and taking in more water than Zayn wants him to.

“Why didn’t you wake up Baba?”

“You sleep,” Niall replies, taking a bite of the bread.

“All right, well, I need to call, um, Daddy to see if you were doing anything else yesterday besides coughing, so I have to sit you at the table, okay?”

“No.” Niall shakes his head, reaches his free hand out to push at Zayn’s chest.

“Okay, that’s fine,” Zayn says, rubbing his face for a moment, fingers scratching at his beard. “But I’m going to have to call him when you’re finished.”

“No,” Niall repeats, shaking his head. “Not call.”

Zayn sighs, feeling resigned. He had thought Niall’s anger with Harry would dissipate over night, but the way Niall is glaring at him over the top of his sippy cup let’s Zayn know he’s still angry with Harry. “We should talk about what happened yesterday, about why you’re mad.”

“Hurt,” Niall says, pointing at his arm. Zayn looks at it, lifting up the sleeve of Niall’s shirt to reveal the purple skin, a tiny bruise forming on his arm where Harry grabbed him. And luckily for Harry, he did the right thing and Zayn can’t be angry at a patch of purple skin when it saved Niall from falling to the bottom of the pool. He’d rather have Niall with a temporary bruise than no Niall at all.

“It was an accident,” Zayn says. “You’re not allowed in the pool without us and your life vest because you can get hurt, you could drown and we don’t want that, so Daddy did what he had to do to make sure you were okay, even if he left a little bruise.”

“Niall swim,” Niall says, taking back his cup of water to take a drink. “I okay.”

“You’re okay when Daddy is in the pool, you’re not okay without him.”

“Hurt Niall.”

“He did, but he didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Hate Harry,” Niall says, his voice casual as the takes another drink from his cup. Zayn watches him and frowns, because he doesn’t like to hear Niall talk like that, with such strong, angry words, even when he’s angry, but now, there is nothing bothering Niall but a memory of an event and the pain he feels when the bruise on his arm hits something. He takes the cup back from Niall, setting it down on the counter.

“You call him Daddy, you don’t call him Harry,” Zayn corrects. “And you’re angry, but you love him, I know you do.”

“I not.”

“You know, Daddy would be very sad to hear you say that, you’d hurt his feelings. He loves you, a lot, and he didn’t want to see you get hurt if you would have fallen in the pool. And he didn’t want to hurt you; he didn’t mean to hurt you. It was an accident, and I bet he’s really sorry.”

“He not,” Niall says, shaking his head.

“Well, how about we lie down for a little bit, watch a movie and then later when I call him, you can talk to him and he’ll tell you, but you can’t be mean, all right? You have to listen to him and I don’t want to hear you say hate again, okay?”

Niall sighs, glaring at Zayn as he finishes the last bit of his bread, chewing thoughtfully as he considers Zayn’s words. Zayn lifts up his shirtsleeve again, leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to the bruised skin. “Does it feel better now?”

“Yes,” Niall says immediately.

“And you’re going to talk to Daddy later without being an angry, little monster and you won’t say that you hate him?”

“Yes.” Niall sighs, frowning for a minute before he looks back says, “Tummy hurt.”

“I know, babe, let’s go lie down,” Zayn says, lifting Niall off the counter and grabbing his lion, the stuffed animal lying forgotten about the counter and takes him into the living room.

~~~

Following the movie, Zayn has Niall lie down in his bedroom, shutting the light off and telling him to rest while he goes to call Harry, promises him that he’ll be able to talk to him and he’ll be able to see that Harry is sorry for hurting his arm. Zayn barely steps out of Niall’s room before his phone rings, Harry calling him before he gets the chance to do it.

“I was just about to call you,” Zayn says as greeting, shutting Niall’s door, not all the way but enough that his talking won’t disturb Niall.

“You were? Well, that’s good, I guess. I just. I wanted to talk to Niall, maybe? I know he was angry with me yesterday but I was hoping to be able to get him over that today. I just, um, yeah. Can I talk to him?”

“Yeah, but I need to talk to you first. He’s not feeling well right now, he’s running a bit of a fever and keeps saying that his stomach hurts. Did you by any chance notice any of this yesterday? Or. I don’t know. I know he coughed a bit yesterday at your place and did it a little bit at home last night, but the fever is new. I think?”

“He didn’t have one, I would have felt it when I was putting the lotion on him. He was fine. He was acting normal. I mean, besides his, uh. Besides the pool incident, but I don’t think that had to do with how well he felt.”

“Okay, I figured as much but I just wanted to know. Um, with that being said, would you, actually are you busy?”

“No, I’m not. Why?”

“Would you want to go to the store for me? Niall needs medicine, I can’t find ours, think we might be out. He needs something that will cover his fever and any potential symptoms that could arise And if you could, please get him some soups, his stomach hurts and he’s not going to want to eat much, but I think he’ll take some soup,” Zayn explains. “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

“No, god, no. Of course, yeah, anything,” Harry says. “Is that all you need?”

“Yeah, we’ll be good on everything else, at least until he gets better,” Zayn says, sighing into the phone. “Do you still want to talk to him? He’s kind of whiney and, if I’m being honest, a little angry.”

“He’s still furious with me?” Harry asks, his voice small. Zayn sighs again, knowing that he can’t say anything to Harry about what Niall said, can’t tell him that he called him Harry, or that he has a bruise on his arm, or that he keeps saying he hates him, because it’d upset Harry and Niall’s feelings on the situation are only temporary, unlike what Niall’s words will do to Harry.

“He’s…two,” Zayn says, hoping that’s explanation enough. “He’s… He doesn’t understand what happened, he just knows you stopped him and it angered him and he thinks he should be mad, but right now he’s not feeling well, and that’s more important than what you did to him. I talked to him about it, said it was an accident and you’re sorry and that you’d talk later about it.”

“God, Zayn, I feel so bad. I don’t know what to do. I know that he’s young and their emotions bounce around all the time, but I don’t want him to be angry with me or to hate me. I’m not like you. I’m not… I’m just some guy you started dating that hung around a lot, enough for him to think of me as something important. But I’m not like you, I’m not an inherently permanent fixture in his life so if he hates me it could be forever.”

Zayn doesn’t know what to say, he’s not sure how to comfort Harry and he’s not sure it’s something he really wants to do. And even if he doesn’t know what to say or necessarily want to say anything, he knows that he has to, because Harry is one of the few people that mean everything to Niall, and he’s got to say something, so he says, “Niall doesn’t hate anything or anyone, he just doesn’t.”

“He hates animals that have human names and not their species names,” Harry says, forcing a laugh out of Zayn.

“Change your name to Human and maybe he’ll forgive you,” Zayn teases.

Harry sighs, his light tone gone when he talks again. “Do you think he will?”

Zayn’s about to reply, ready to say that Niall will forgive him, but he hears it, the sound of Niall retching in his bedroom. “Fuck,” Zayn mutters, rushing towards the sound of Niall throwing up.

“What’s wrong?” He hears Harry ask, his voice slightly panicked.

“I can’t talk, Harry. Niall is throwing up, shit. Can you please just bring that stuff over?”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll be there soon.”

Zayn hangs up without saying goodbye, shoving the phone in the pocket of his shorts and rubs Niall’s back, wincing when Niall soils his sheets again, emptying his stomach of the water and bread he had at breakfast. Zayn rubs his back, coaxes him through it until Niall is finished, nothing leaving his mouth but sobs, loud cries that he chokes on.

“Niall, you’re okay, calm down. Can you do that?” Zayn asks, brushing damp hair off of Niall’s forehead, frowning when he feels how warm his head is. “All right, let’s get you in the bath. You’re burning up and we need to clean you off and cool you down, okay?” He lifts Niall off the bed, carrying him towards the bathroom. He sets Niall down on the ground, dropping the plug in the drain and starting the water. He strips Niall of his clothes and sets him in the bath without allowing the water to fill it up completely.

“Baba cold.”

“It has to be, you’re running a fever, babe. How did you get sick, hmm? Did Daddy take you somewhere yesterday?”

“Niall hurt.”

“This isn’t his fault, Niall, don’t blame him,” Zayn says, cupping water in his hands and dropping it on Niall’s arm, wanting to cool him off.

“No. Niall hurt.” He points to his stomach, towards his throat, towards his head, but not his arm, letting Zayn know all of the places that are bothering him, all of the things he needs to watch out for.

“All right,” Zayn says, rubbing at his face for a second. “Shi- crap, okay. You have just a few more minutes in here, okay?” Zayn says, shutting off the water. Niall nods, leaning his head against the edge of the tub, reaching up to hold onto Zayn’s hand while he waits.

He leaves Niall in the tub for fifteen minutes before he decides to let him out, dressing him in one of his shirts, something loose enough to keep Niall from burning up, and puts him in a fresh diaper before he lies him down in his bed, emptying out the trashcan in his bathroom to lie it next to the bed. After that he strips Niall’s bed of his soiled sheets, trying not to gag from the smell of vomit.

When he’s finished everything he goes back into his room and sees Niall playing with the hem of his shirt, a frown on his face, and he doesn’t smile when he looks up to see Zayn, just pouts harder.

“Baba, Baba,” Niall cries, holding his arms out for Zayn as he lies out on Zayn’s bed. He looks miserable, his skin paler than normal and flushed red, warm from the fever. His eyes are watery and wide, staring up at Zayn. “Baba.”

“Hold on,” Zayn says, flipping off the light and crawling into bed next to Niall, letting him curl up against him. Zayn reaches out and rubs Niall’s stomach, hoping that it’s enough to make Niall feel better until Harry arrives with medicine.

~~~

When Zayn wakes up later there’s a plastic bag on the table next to his bed, a note attached. He sits up carefully, mindful of Niall, who’s asleep next to him, and grabs the note, recognizing Harry’s handwriting immediately he reads, _you weren’t answering your phone, or the door so I used my key, sorry. There are just a few things in this bag, more in the fridge and freezer. Xxx H_

Inside the bag is the medicine Zayn mentioned on the phone, more than he asked, but enough to get Niall through it, along with boxes of tea and cans of soup. He picks up the bag carefully; checking back to make sure Niall is sleeping, Zayn heads to the kitchen, dropping the bag on the counter and looking around to see the array of foods on his counter, opening his fridge and freezer he sees the same sight, the shelves lined up with food Niall can eat while he’s sick and after.

Zayn smiles at the sight, shaking his head because he asked Harry to grab medicine and a little bit of soup and Harry went far beyond what he needed to, like he always does. Zayn pulls out his phone and writes: **you’re absolutely out of your mind.**

He shakes his head at his phone and types another message, **thank you.**


	31. Chapter 31

Niall’s been sick for three days, his cough only getting worse but lessening slightly with the help of medication. His throat still hurts, his fever still present, and he’s still vomiting, but the medicine Harry bought him has been helping, it’s made everything just a little bit better, enough that Niall doesn’t cry as much. He’s still clingy, still clutching onto Zayn and whining when he tries to leave the room, like he is now, holding onto Zayn’s arm, trying to prevent him from getting out of bed to make Niall something to eat. 

“Baba, stay,” Niall cries, gripping onto Zayn’s arm as his eyes well up with tears and his lip shakes. 

Zayn sighs, gently easing Niall off of him. “Baby, you need to get better and Baba can’t do that if you’re not eating, just a little bit of soup, okay? I have to go and get it.” 

Niall’s response is cut off by a cough, his face turning red and mouth hung open as the air escapes his mouth, rattling his lungs. It sets off one for Zayn, a cough ripping through his lungs and causing his chest to ache as he hides his own into his shoulder, rubbing Niall’s back. And that’s another thing that’s been happening. Since last night, Zayn’s been getting a cough of his own, each of them brought on by Niall’s. He thinks it might be some kind of trigger effect, like with yawns, you see it and you copy. 

“Baba,” Niall says, his voice hoarse from the coughing. Zayn grabs his sippy cup, passing it over to him and holding onto it while Niall takes a drink. 

“You need some more medicine,” Zayn says, removing the sippy cup and setting it on the counter. He grabs the stuff Harry bought off his bedside table, laughing when Niall makes a disgusted face and shakes his head, covering his mouth with his hands. “You want to get better, right? Healthy boys have to take medication when they’re got the flu.” 

He sets the bottle on the counter, bringing the tiny cup to Niall’s mouth as he pulls his hands off. Niall shakes his head, squeezing his lips together tighter as it touches his mouth. 

“Niall, stop. It’ll make your coughs feel better, they won’t hurt as badly and it’ll make them stop for a little bit. And it’ll make your throat not hurt; remember how itchy it felt earlier?” Niall nods his head. “Well, we don’t want that to happen again. How are you going to be able to see Daddy if you don’t take your medicine.” It’s a dirty trick on Zayn’s end, to act like Niall won’t be able to see Harry anymore if he doesn’t take his medicine, but it works, because his son is opening his mouth and swallowing it all down, gagging at the taste of it. “That’s Baba’s big boy.” 

“Yucky, Baba,” Niall says, frowning pitifully at Zayn. 

“I know, babe. I know. Do you want to have a cuddle? We can do that, maybe take a little nap since your medicine makes you feel drowsy,” Zayn says but he doesn’t wait for Niall’s answer, he just crawls into bed and pulls him into his arms, brushing his fingers through Niall’s sweaty head. He’s not as worried about the fever as he was three days ago, it’s been fluctuating but it always goes down after he’s taken his medication, down enough that Zayn doesn’t have to worry or stress himself out. 

“Niall hurt,” Niall whines, rubbing his face against Zayn’s shoulder. 

“You’ll feel better in a little bit, just close your eyes and go to sleep, bub.” 

Niall nods his head and rests against Zayn’s body while Zayn continues to stroke his fingers through his hair, singing quietly to him. 

It takes all of ten minutes before Niall falls asleep, his breath evening out against Zayn’s neck. Zayn carefully maneuvers Niall so he’s lying on the bed instead of against Zayn’s chest. 

Zayn watches him sleep for a moment and sighs, grabbing the little cup that came with the bottle of medicine and taking it to the bathroom to rinse it out in the sink. He’s in the middle of washing the cup when his stomach begins contracting and he gags over the sink. He feels panicked for a moment before he rushes to the toilet, emptying the contents of his stomach inside of it. 

He groans, resting his head against the wall. He knows that he can no longer live in denial that he’s not catching Niall’s illness but that he’s actually sick, the vomit taking him to the brink of his denial and casting him into reality. He reaches into his phone and calls Harry, realizing that he’s going to need help if he’s going to be able to take care of himself and Niall. 

“Hello?” Harry says, answering his phone. His voice sounds rough and deep, like he’s only been away for a little while. 

“What are you doing?” Zayn asks, cutting right to the chase. 

“Right now? Nothing. Why?”

“I need you to-“ Zayn says, stopping as he feels his stomach begin to clench again, signs of throwing up again hitting him. “Fuck,” he mutters right before he vomits. 

“Zayn? What’s wrong?” 

Zayn groans, leaning his head back against the wall. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and then says, “I’m getting sick and I just need someone else here to help with Niall. He’s barely throwing up anymore, his fever is breaking, but he’s just being really whiny and clingy and it’s hard to get a moment to myself and now I’m throwing up, I’ve been coughing and everything, but I thought I’d be okay. I just need another person here.”

“All right, yeah. Uh, fuck. I have to take care of something in an hour, but I can come right after that. Is that okay?” 

“That’s fine, just get here, yeah?” 

“Of course, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Harry says. 

Zayn hangs up his phone, setting it down on the bathroom floor and taking a deep breath. Niall’s still sleeping, thankfully, so it gives Zayn time to rinse his mouth out and brush his teeth, washing the taste of vomit out of his mouth before he heads to the kitchen, searching through the cabinets to find a bottle of pills, anything to make himself feel a little bit better. He finds them shoved in the back, enough left to get him through tomorrow. A cough rakes through his body as he opens the bottle, setting two pills down on the counter and hacking into his arm, his body aching and shaking as it happens. He makes himself a glass of water, taking careful sips when his cough stops. 

The pills lie forgotten on the counter as he makes a piece of toast, hoping that his body can hold something down to offset the shakes. They started a couple hours ago, but he’s been ignoring them and then completely forgot about them to take care of Niall. 

He waits for the toast to pop and hopes that whatever Harry is doing doesn’t take that long. 

~~~ 

Zayn hears the buzzer of his apartment and he curses, rushing out of his bedroom before the sound can wake up Niall. He hopes that it’s Harry, but curses whoever it is for using the buzzer instead of knocking. When he pulls open the door he sees Harry standing there, a smile on his face. “Why would you use the buzzer? Niall’s sick and sleeping,” Zayn says, allowing Harry entrance. 

“Sorry,” Harry says, smiling nervously. “I didn’t really think about it, just kind of did it.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes and goes to close the door, stopping when he feels it hit something. He pulls it open and frowns when he sees Louis, confusion taking over as he wonders why Harry brought Louis to his house. “What’s going on?” 

“Are you going to invite me in?” Louis asks, brushing past Zayn, not bothering to wait for an answer. 

Zayn takes a deep breath and shuts the door, turning back around to question the two of them. “Why did you bring Louis over, Harry?”

“You said that you needed help with Niall, but you’re also sick, so I thought that you’d want more than just me here,” Harry explains, shrugging his shoulders. 

“I didn’t call Louis, Harry. I called you. I wanted you here with us, not Louis. Why would you do that?” Zayn asks, his body flaring in frustration because if he wanted Louis here, then he would have called Louis, but he doesn’t want the two of them in the same room. Memories of what they did flashing through his head as he stares at them. “Why the fuck did you call him?” 

“Zayn, it’s not a big deal. Babe, calm down,” Harry says, taking a step towards Zayn. “I just thought that he could take care of Niall and I could take care of you, that way we know you’re both getting well again.”

“Louis, I think you should go home,” Zayn says, glaring at Harry before he turns to look at his former best friend. “I appreciate you coming here but I don’t need anyone to take care of me and I asked Harry to take care of the little boy that calls him Daddy. I didn’t think it would be this complicated for him.” 

“Zayn, relax,” Louis says at the same times Harry says, “Come on, Zayn.” 

“No,” Zayn says through gritted teeth. “I’ve tried being fair during this whole thing but you’re both going to show up here while my son is sick. Are you kidding me?” 

“I know it’s not the best time, but we need to talk to you about something,” Louis says. 

“What do you have to tell me?” Zayn asks, his stomach dropping. 

Harry bites his bottom lip, shaking his head as he looks at Zayn sadly for a moment before taking Louis’ hand in his. Zayn takes a step back, putting more space between the three of them. 

“I don’t. I don’t understand,” Zayn says, tearing his eyes away from their hands. “What’s going on?”

“We talked about it,” Louis says, carefully, like he’s trying to spare Zayn’s feelings.

“It’s been three days since I’ve heard from you,” Harry adds, like it makes all the sense in the world and Zayn’s stomach drops even lower, his heart racing. “And Niall was so angry at me, I haven’t made any progress with you. I didn’t know what to do.”

“And Liam’s not talking to me, I’ve tried desperately to get him to talk to me, but nothing works,” Louis says. “We just wanted comfort, needed someone who could understand things…” He trails of, shrugging his shoulders like Zayn gets it and he does. 

“Louis, get the fuck out,” Zayn shouts, refraining from jumping forward and hitting Louis repeatedly. 

Louis nods his head in understanding before he leans forward and kisses Harry, pressing their lips together and sighing into the kiss, a smile spreading across his face. Zayn stares in horror as they kiss, feeling his stomach clench and twist and he doesn’t need to throw up from being sick this time, but he feels like he could if he really wanted to. His heart is hammering in his chest as Louis pulls away, muttering a quiet, “I’ll get out of here, see you later, okay?” 

“Of course,” Harry says, kissing him once more before Louis leaves, smiling sadly at Zayn before he disappears from Zayn’s apartment. 

“What the fuck was that, Harry?” Zayn asks. “I call you to tell you that I’m sick and I need someone to take care of Niall and instead of saying now you bring Louis here and-and you… You kiss him?” 

“It’s not like I’m cheating,” Harry says, the words like a dagger to Zayn’s heart. 

“Fuck you,” Zayn says, shoving past Harry and storming into his bedroom, doing his best not to slam the door closed. He locks it behind him and slides down onto the ground, bringing his knees to his chest and trying to still the beating of his heart. It’s hammering in his chest, his breath coming in quick, short gasps, his body shaking. He feels like he can’t breath, like he’s not getting enough air in his lungs. And the last thing he hears before he passes out is the sound of Niall’s voice whispering his name. 

~~~

Zayn wakes up in a hospital bed with tubes in his nose and scratchy blankets across his body, he looks around and sees how many machines he’s attached to. He has an IV in his arm and his skin itches, he can hear every sound in the room like it’s intensified, like the world is muted and he’s only intone with the objects in the room. He’s covered in a thin layer of sweat and he’s still so fucking cold. He’s shaking slightly, his teeth practically chattering as he tries to sit up in the bed. The room is spinning and he can barely manage to move without letting out hacking coughs, his entire body tensing and shaking as he coughs. His ribs feel like they’re being crushed, his lungs tired and weak as they contract with the cough. 

Someone is behind him, rubbing his or her hands along his arm, soothing him as he coughs. As soon as it passes he turns his gaze in the direction of the person and sees that it’s Harry with him, bags under his eyes. He looks tired and weathered, frail even, and shaking for reasons much different than the ones Zayn is. 

Zayn blinks at him, tilting his head in confusion. “How did I get here? What happened?”

“I brought you here,” Harry says, sitting down in the chair next to the bed, pulling it as close as he can. He grabs Zayn’s hand, brushing his thumb along Zayn’s skin. Zayn stares at it, his vision shifting in and out of focus. “You called me yesterday because you were feeling sick and wanted help with Niall. And when I got there you were passed out. You were locked in your bedroom with Niall; I had to talk him through unlocking the door. Your fever was so high, dangerously high, so I brought you here because I didn’t know what to do. You’ve been in and out of consciousness since we arrived, this is the longest you’ve been awake.”

“You brought me to the hospital?” Zayn asks because he feels like he’s having a hard time retaining information. 

“I had to, you’re really sick, babe. You weren’t taking care of yourself. Niall’s been sick for four days, why wouldn’t you worry about getting sick? And you collapsed, I had to bring you here.”

Zayn looks up at Harry, tearing his eyes away from their hands to look at the other boys face. He blinks slowly, cocking his head to the side as he looks at Harry. “Where’s Niall?”

“Niall’s with Louis, I know you’re angry with him but he’s the only person I could get a hold of. Liam wouldn’t answer my calls, but he’s with Louis now, they’re both taking care of him. His fever is gone, and he’s no longer throwing up, just a little sleepy is all. He’s recovering nicely; so don’t worry about him, okay? You have to get better,” Harry urges, wiping at his eyes. “Fuck, Zayn. You scared the shit out of me.”

“Niall’s with Louis?” 

“Yeah, I talked to him earlier. He said he’d text me when Niall woke up but I haven’t heard anything, so he must still be sleeping. Just like his Baba, always sleeping,” Harry says, smiling softly at Zayn. 

“You kissed Louis,” Zayn says, remembering what he saw before he blacked out. He makes to tear his hand out of Harry’s grasp but Harry holds on, his grip stronger. 

“What are you talking about Zayn? I thought, um, I thought we were working past that? Why are you bringing it up?” 

“We were but then you kissed him again, you piece of shit,” Zayn says. 

“I haven’t seen Louis since the incident at the club until yesterday and only because of Niall, not because I actually wanted to see him,” Harry says. 

“You kissed him before I passed out, you held his hand in my living room and said ‘it’s not like I’m cheating’. I remember.”

Harry looks at him, confusion written across his face. “Babe, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Are you okay? Is your fever spiking again? Fuck, I should call the nurse.”

“I’m fine,” Zayn says, fighting back a cough. “And how do you not remember kissing Louis? I saw it happen.” His words come out as gasps and then the coughing fit hits him, his stomach clenching as he tries to stop the pain in his ribs. 

“It’s your fever, Zayn. You’re seeing things. I swear on everything that I haven’t touched Louis since the incident at the club. We can call Niall and he’ll tell you how you wouldn’t wake up and he had to unlock the door. He can tell you how you were lying on the floor sweating and how I had to carry you to the car while Niall waited inside the locked apartment until I got him. Do you want him to tell you the story? Because I swear and promise and vow that I’m telling you the truth,” Harry says, letting go of Zayn’s hand to rub his back. 

“You didn’t kiss Louis?” Zayn asks, lying back against the hospital bed as his cough subsides. 

“Besides the horrible, horrible mistake, no. No. The thought makes me sick to my stomach.” 

Zayn nods his head, allowing Harry to take his hand again. He feels tired and weak, listening as Harry talks to him some more, saying words that Zayn has difficulty focusing on. He feels cold, his body shivering, but he’s sweating and shaking. And god, he’s so fucking hot in this room with all the blankets on top of him. He tries to kick at them, barely able to lift his legs off the bed, much too weak for movement that goes beyond lifting his head, the energy he just had dissipating. 

“Zayn, look at me,” Harry says and he sounds a bit frantic. Zayn rolls his head to the side, blinks up at Harry before he breaks out into another coughing fit. His body is shaking and he feels like his lungs and ribs are going to burst with the pressure of it all. Harry reaches around him and presses a button on the side of the bed, sitting back down and trying to soothe Zayn. 

Zayn really wants him to stop talking; he can feel his head beginning to pound. He can barely keep his eyes open, the room continuing to spin as his coughs subside. He stares at the wall in front of him for a moment, barely seeing the nurse that walks into the room, barely hearing the conversation she has with Harry. Something about fever and medicine and needing to sleep, he glances over at the nurse. Her hair is black, pulled tight in a bun as she fiddles around with IV bag. Her scrubs are bright pink, complimenting her dark skin, but her shirt is Zayn’s favorite, covered in an array of swirls that won’t stop moving. Zayn watches them in sick fascination as the nurse injects him with something, barely feeling it as he admires the way her shirt is moving, patterns bouncing off the fabric and almost hitting him in the face. He lifts his arm up, swatting in her direction, trying to stop the swirls from hitting him. 

He hears Harry say something to him but he can’t stop staring at the swirls that are trying to attack him, he feels his chest tighten in worry, his breathing shallow and labored. Harry grabs his hands, pulling them back down and forces Zayn to look at him. 

“It’s not real,” Harry says firmly. “It’s not real.”

Zayn hears the nurse as she leaves but he never breaks his gaze with Harry. He slowly starts to feel sluggish, like his body is trying to go to sleep. He blinks several times trying to fight whatever is happening.

“It’s okay, baby. Go to sleep,” Harry soothes, releasing one of Zayn’s hands to reach up and rub his fingers across Zayn’s forehead. 

“Stay,” Zayn says, feeling his eyes begin to roll into his head, attempting to force him into sleep, as whatever drug the nurse gave him begins to settle into his body. His speech is slurred and he hopes that Harry understood what he’s saying. He doesn’t want to wake up alone; he doesn’t want to have to sleep in a dingy hospital alone. 

Before Zayn falls asleep he feels gentle kisses pressed to each knuckle on his hand, feels as Harry ghosts his thumb over his Zayn’s hand, and he hears the quiet, “I’d never leave”, that Harry breathes into the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone confused, Zayn hallucinated the scene with Louis and Harry due to his high fever. I've been doing research on hallucinations but just decided to take some liberties and write what I wanted with it rather than what might be accurate. I don't know, I've only hallucinated twice from high fever and both times I saw animals and my sister did once and saw a person, so we're all different and who knows what can happen! So yes, take it with a grain of salt if you're a medical expert.


	32. Chapter 32

Zayn’s confused when he wakes up. His chest feels heavy and itchy, like he needs to claw through his skin to scratch his lungs to make them stop aching. His head is pounding, whether it’s from the headache or the constant beeping of the machine next to him, he’s not sure, but it’s throbbing. His throat is sore, dry and constricted due to thirst, and his legs feel heavy, like they’re being anchored to the bed and he’s immobile. When he opens his eyes, he sees that he’s in the hospital and he frowns, his memory taking longer than necessary to remind him of what happened and why he’s here. Opening his eyes also reveals that the heavy weighted feeling on his legs is caused by Harry, the other boy fast asleep in the chair next to Zayn’s hospital bed, his body hunched over, head resting against Zayn’s thigh. He’s still holding onto Zayn’s hand, the appendage cramped and sweaty from being held for hours. 

He’s not sure why he’s surprised to see Harry still here. He made him promise, he can remember that, the fear that washed through his body before he fell asleep that Harry would leave him in the middle of the night, and the way Harry reassured him, kissing his hand and his whispered promise to never leave. The words make Zayn’s chest ache, because he wishes the same were true for their relationship. The one Harry keeps inadvertently leaving. 

Zayn tries to coax his hand out of Harry’s grip, but the boy only tightens his hold, mumbling in his sleep, his cheek pushes further into his nose and his eye at the action. He sighs when he realizes that he’s stuck where he is, unable to get up and at least walk around the room. Knowing that he’s stuck, he presses the nurse call button on the side of his bed and waits, hoping someone can give him something for his headache and throat. 

It takes a few minutes before his door is opening and a nurse is walking in, long blonde hair pulled up and dark green scrubs on. Her shirt has a floral pattern on it, and she smiles at Zayn, coming to stand next to his bedside. “How are you doing? Is everything all right?” She reaches along the side of the bed and presses the nurse call button again, stopping the light beeping noise it had created. 

“My head’s killing me and I’m dying of thirst. I was going to get myself the water, but he won’t budge,” Zayn says, using his free hand to point to Harry’s sleeping body. 

“Of course, give me just a minute. I’ll need to change your IV as well, looks like it’s almost drained,” she says, pointing towards the bag suspended in the air next to Zayn’s bed. She pats him on the shoulder and disappears. 

When she comes back it’s with two white pills and a plastic mug with a straw filled with water. She sets the mug on a tray and slides it over towards the bed, passing Zayn the pills before she pulls the fresh IV bag out from under her arm. 

“Thank you,” Zayn says, swallowing the pills and taking a drink from his cup. He can feel the water gliding down his throat, soothing the dryness and the burn he had been feeling earlier. 

She smiles at him and nods her head, shrugging her shoulders like it’s not a big deal at all. “Your husband refuses to leave,” the nurse says, scanning a new IV bag, shaking her head as she looks at Harry fondly. “The nurse that was here when you were admitted said he’s quite stubborn.” 

“He’s not my husband,” Zayn corrects, because he’s not and the words spill out of his mouth before he has time to think. “He’s, um, I’m not sure. He’s my ex, if you want to get technical.”

She looks at Harry, her brow furrowed before she glances back at Zayn. Her gaze makes him squirm, like she’s calculating something in her head, something that Zayn gets the feeling isn’t a good thing. She looks confused and concerned, like something’s not right. 

“Does it matter that we’re not married?” His hand tightens around Harry’s, because he doesn’t want him to leave, he doesn’t want to be alone in the hospital. 

She sighs, shaking her head and reaching up to replace his old IV bag. “No, but I think it’d be best to keep it between you and I that he’s not your husband,” she says, fiddling with the bag before she hangs it up on the hook, bouncing the nearly empty one in her hand. “Upon arrival, only immediate family are allowed to be with the patient when they’re unconscious, the nurse must have said something and he lied to her, it’s not uncommon, but best keep it between us so no one gets in trouble.”

Zayn rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “Sorry, he was probably a nightmare.” Zayn can imagine how Harry must have been acting when he brought him into the hospital, how hysterical he became when they said he’d not be allowed to see Zayn until he was awake and alert. He tries not to feel fond, mostly because Harry’s lie, if found out, could cost someone their job, but he’s grateful for the lie. He’d hate to be in the hospital alone. 

“He wasn’t a nightmare, but he’s been asleep for most of my shift. The nurse who worked the night shift said that he was a bit frantic, kept asking questions, but nothing we haven’t dealt with before. She also said you hallucinated a few times, your fever spiking just a few degrees below the temperature that could have killed you, it’s not uncommon for the people around you to be worried,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “Anyway, I’ve got more patients to visit, do you need anything else? Anything hurting?” 

“No, I’m all right, just the headache. And the cramp in my leg from his head, but I don’t think you can do anything for that.” 

“Afraid not.” She winks at him, patting him on the shoulder. She makes to leave but Zayn stops her, not finished asking her questions. 

“When can I leave?” He asks, causing his nurse, Alice, he notes, finally glancing down at her I.D badge. “It’s just, I have a son, and I really need to get out of here. He’s not feeling well, or at least he wasn’t, and I don’t want him to have to be separated from me.” 

“That’s up to your doctor,” she says. “But, I think that if your temperature manages to keep normal instead of spiking like it was last night when the medication wore off, then you should be able to head home tomorrow morning. But again, that’s up to your doctor, not me.” 

Zayn sighs, sagging back against the hard hospital bed and nodding his head. “Is my son allowed to come up here?” 

“I wouldn’t recommend it, not if he’s sick,” she says. 

“If he’s feeling better?” Zayn asks, poking at the subject. He’ll continue to poke at her about it until she agrees that Niall is allowed to come and see him. He doesn’t want to break a medical expert’s opinion, but if he can gently, and annoyingly, nudge her into giving the answer he wants, well, that’s no ones business but his own. 

She sighs, shaking her head and smiling. “I suppose that’s up to you,” she says before she turns to leave, closing the door behind her. 

~~~ 

Harry wakes up an hour later with a start. Zayn’s ordered them breakfast from the cafeteria over the phone, still waiting for it when Harry begins to stir. He rubs his cheek against Zayn’s leg, his eyes slowly opening before he jumps up, sitting back in his chair and glancing around. Zayn waves at him, looking at him in confusion as Harry’s body sags with relief. 

“I ordered breakfast,” Zayn says. “Unfortunately, I’m only allowed to eat the shitty foods. I’ve got oatmeal and toast coming, but I asked them to give you a bit of everything, figured you might be hungry.” 

“Starving,” Harry croaks, his voice deep and rough from sleep. “Skipped dinner, but the nurse last night brought me some jell-o while you were sleeping.” 

“I was sleeping, you should have gone down to the café to get food, or gone somewhere,” Zayn says. 

“I promised that I wasn’t going to leave,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders. Zayn can feel his cheeks heating up, his hand curling into the blanket at Harry’s words. “Anyway, it’s fine. Have you seen your doctor?” 

“Nurse, actually. She said I could leave, but I have to be without a fever for an entire day, so I’ll probably be stuck here until tomorrow morning,” Zayn says, frowning. “I want to see Niall.” 

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, babe. You’re in the hospital, you’re sick. Do you really want him to see you like this? What if it scares him?” Harry says, trying to scoot his chair closer to the bed, the legs of it knocking against the framework. He mutters an apology as he leans against the bed, head in his hands as he looks at Zayn. 

Zayn glares at him, hating the other boy for being right. “I supposed you’re right,” he says, the words tasting awful in his mouth. “But I’m going to call him later today. He’s with Louis and Liam, the two are at each other’s throats and you trusted them with Niall. They’d never hurt him, but still.” 

“I selfishly didn’t want anyone here besides myself,” Harry admits. “Niall didn’t need to be here and I didn’t want Louis or Liam here, I’d be useless at home. I’d have been too worried about you to know what to do with myself, let alone know what to do with Niall. My head wouldn’t have been one hundred percent with him, which is why I selfishly made the decision to be here.”

Zayn looks at him for a moment, studying Harry carefully. He looks tired, the hospital’s not exactly the best place to be sleeping, but it doesn’t look like it’s just from tonight. Harry looks properly worn out and exhausted, like he hasn’t been sleeping well before this trip to the hospital. The bags under his eyes are a dead giveaway, and Zayn frowns as he looks at him, taking in the way his shoulders are hunched and the dullness of his green eyes. “I’m not complaining because you’re here,” Zayn mutters, his voice quiet. “I called you for a reason, maybe not a trip to the hospital, but if I wanted Liam or Louis here, then I’d have called them, but I didn’t.” 

The corners of Harry’s mouth lift up into a small smile. His response is interrupted by the door opening, an older man, who is wheeling in a cart filled with food cutting Harry off. He hands them their food, Harry standing up to help him set them down on the tray. Zayn feels useless, wanting to get out of bed and do something other than lie down on a hard mattress that is slowly beginning to send a radiating pain from his butt to the middle of his back. 

He waits until the man is gone before he throws the blanket off his body and tries to get out of bed. 

“What are you doing?” Harry says, his voice hysterical as he rushes towards the side of the bed Zayn is trying to crawl out of. “You’re sick, get back in bed.” He gently tries pushing at Zayn’s shoulders, doing his best to force him to lie back down. 

“Harry, I just want to sit in that chair in the corner,” he says, doing his best to make his expression pleading as he looks into Harry’s eyes. “Please, I can’t just lie here all day.” 

“Yes you can, I don’t know if walking will make you sicker.” 

“Harry, it’s a walk that will probably last me five steps. I’ll be okay, promise,” Zayn says and Harry looks at him like he’s not buying it, still trying to push Zayn back onto the bed. “Harry, I’ll hold onto you.”

Harry groans and rolls his eyes, shaking his head and grabbing the pole the IV bag is on. “If you let go, I’m going to toss you over my shoulder and force you into that bed.” He holds his arm out and Zayn grabs onto it, pulling himself out of bed and taking careful steps towards the chair. It’s more than five steps, Zayn realizes, already working on his seventh. 

“You going to try and spoon feed me my meal as well,” Zayn asks, hobbling towards the chair, his legs prickling and aching from having nearly fallen asleep from lack of use, his grip tightening on Harry’s arm as he stumbles. 

“Yes,” Harry replies and Zayn turns around to see that he’s smiling at him, a teasing expression on his face. “I’m kidding, now keep going, I’m enjoying the view of your bare ass.” 

Zayn squawks, grabbing the back of his hospital gown and holding it closed. “Why didn’t you tell me? Oh my fucking god,” Zayn says, feeling embarrassment wash over him. “How many people have seen my naked body since we’ve been here?” 

“Just me,” Harry says, resting his hand on Zayn’s back, helping to guide him towards the chair. “You had to be put in your gown, stripped of everything and put in that, so I told them I would do it. I didn’t feel comfortable with the male nurse they had in here, didn’t want him to get himself an eyeful, so I said I’d take care of it and made them leave the room.” 

“Oh well, isn’t that just lovely,” Zayn says, carefully lowering himself down onto the chair so his gown doesn’t open in the back. “Thank you for saving my ass the embarrassment of having been seen by strange men without the rest of me knowing.”

“It’s a lovely butt, babe,” Harry says, winking at Zayn and shoving the IV next to the chair and going to get the table. “I’m happy to have had the honor of looking at it, it’s been a while.” 

“I’m glad one of us is happy about it,” Zayn mumbles. 

“Hey, whether you like it or not, I’ve seen you naked before, in more compromising positions than lying unconscious in a hospital bed, which I can say is not the most romantic setting in the world, nothing about what happened was sexual. You needed to be put in a gown, and I’m sorry, but the thought of someone else undressing you and looking at you naked makes me crazy. I can’t deal with it, even in a hospital. I’m sorry. Someone had to do it, and better me than someone you don’t know,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders and pulling his chair next to Zayn and setting his tray of food next to Zayn’s. 

Zayn nods his head, understanding the feeling of not wanting anyone else to see the other naked. The thought makes Zayn’s chest tight and stomach ache in the most unpleasant way, because he can’t be certain that no one else has seen Harry naked since their split. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Zayn sighs, shaking his head. “Was I really unconscious the whole time?” He asks, wanting to change the topic. 

“No, but you were in and out of it. Your fever was dangerously high, and it was making you delirious. You kept mumbling to yourself, to me, to the nurses. It would have been funny under different circumstances, but this time it was just scary.”

“I’m sorry,” Zayn says, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Harry looks at him for a moment before his expression turns sad and he shakes his head. “What?” 

“I was just thinking.” 

“About?” 

“How I want to kiss you. Let you know that it’s okay and you don’t have to be sorry,” Harry says, chancing a glance at Zayn before his gaze drops down to his meal. 

“Harry,” Zayn sighs. 

“We should eat before this gets cold,” Harry says, nodding down towards the food. “You weren’t joking when you said you got me a bit of everything.” He wasn’t, not really, two orders of eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, and a fruit bowl. 

Harry purposely ignores him after that, eating his meal and keeping his eyes down towards his tray. He eats slowly and quietly, his shoulder turned away from Zayn, like he’s trying to protect himself and block him out while he eats. It makes Zayn’s chest hurt, like a rubber band is wrapped around his heart, and it hurts, knowing that Harry’s upset with him, but he’s still not over the cheating, and he’s not ready for Harry to kiss him. He doesn’t know when he’ll be ready, if it’ll happen again soon or at all, but he doesn’t want Harry to ignore him and block him out completely. 

“What did I say earlier?” Zayn asks, no longer able to take Harry’s cold shoulder treatment. “You said I was mumbling to myself, what did I say?” 

Harry swallows, grabbing one of the napkins to wipe at his lips. “You were mostly saying how sore everything was, how bad your head was hurting and how hot and cold you were. You asked where Niall was a few times, said he needed his medicine. Some other stuff, but mostly that.”

“What other stuff?” Zayn says, pulling his bottom lip into his mouth, chewing on it. 

Harry smiles at him, the corners of his mouth slowly turning up. “You said my new hair was stupid, and that you hate that I’m growing it out.” 

“Oh,” Zayn mumbles, flinching slightly. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Harry says, his smile growing wider. “You said I’m still very pretty and the long hair gives you something to grab onto, nice for pulling.” 

Zayn’s jaw drops, his cheeks heating up again, and he’s ridiculously tired of blushing, but for all he knows the entire hospital staff heard him say that and Harry’s laughing at him, hand over his mouth as adorably ugly snorts escape it. 

“I’m joking,” Harry wheezes, uncovering his mouth to wipe at his eyes. “I’m kidding.” 

“Oh my god, I almost died from embarrassment,” Zayn says, still shocked. “I was getting ready to apologize to every single person in this hospital for having to hear me say that and whatever mental image came to mind.”

“You only said that I was still pretty, nothing else,” Harry corrects, nudging his knee against Zayn’s. “But I think you wanted to say the other stuff.” 

“We should eat before this gets cold,” Zayn says, repeating Harry’s statement from before, the one he used when he wanted to end the conversation. Harry smiles at him for a moment and nods his head, picking his fork back up and eating. 

Zayn waits a beat before he nudges him back. 

~~~ 

After breakfast Zayn refuses to get back into bed, but Harry refuses to take him for a walk around their floor until he’s sure that Zayn can keep down a meal, so they compromise. Zayn gets to stay in his chair as long as he’ll stay until after lunch, something Zayn can do. Harry’s still sitting in the chair next to him, but they’ve moved them around so they can watch the television hung up on the wall. It gets roughly five channels and Harry has to stand up on his chair every hour to slap it around a little to make the picture clear, but it’s not bad. 

They haven’t spoken much since breakfast, the two of them settled into their chairs, heads titled upwards and watching the TV. Zayn’s seen Harry struggle with the decision on if he wants to try and hold his hand or not, and he’s not sure how that makes him feel, so he folds his hands in his lap and acts like he didn’t notice anything. He feels bad, but every time Harry touches him it comes with flashes of Harry’s hand dipped in Louis’ pants, his mouth pressed against someone else’s, and it’s too much for Zayn. 

There’s a twinge in his heart and sometimes he’s not sure if it’s because he’s no longer with Harry, or if it’s because of why they’re no longer together. Either way, it still hurts, and Zayn knows they need to talk about it more, but now isn’t the time, not in a hospital when Zayn’s head is beginning to pound again and his chest aches with the need to cough, but nothing coming, and he hasn’t seen a nurse since this morning, not even once to see if he managed to not vomit his breakfast all over the floor, which they probably know he hasn’t due to lack of a page, but still, he’d like for them to at least check and see if he’s all right. The nurses were excellent when Niall was the hospital when he had his seizure. Zayn hates thinking about it, but it does remind him of another thing. 

“Do you want to hear something funny?” Zayn asks, nudging Harry in the arm and smiling lazily at him when Harry looks over at him, eyebrow raised in question. “Every time we’re not together, we end up at the hospital in some way. Last time it was Niall, and this time it’s me.” 

“That’s not funny, Zayn. Not at all,” Harry says, frowning. “Do you understand that you’re here because you could have died? Your fever, it was so high. You’re in the hospital because you wouldn’t take care of yourself.”

Zayn stares at him for a moment, sighing because unfortunately Harry is right, it’s not funny at all, but Zayn hadn’t been referring to the reasons behind their hospital visits, rather their timing. “Niall’s my priority, and I knew that I was getting sick but I really don’t have the luxury of wallowing in my own self-pity over a fever and cough. I should have taken medicine, I had gotten it out, but I forgot to take it. I wanted to get Niall taken care of first.” 

“You should call him,” Harry says, digging his phone out of his pocket. “I haven’t heard from Louis or Liam and I bet you’re wondering how he is.” He passes Zayn his phone and goes back to watching television. 

“Why are you mad?” Zayn asks, taking the phone from his hand and going to find Louis’ contact. 

“I’m not mad, Zayn.” 

“Bullshit,” Zayn mutters, no intention of pressing call until he understands why Harry is so angry. “I don’t understand. I didn’t actually think it was funny, Harry. Knowing my son had a seizure and was in the hospital wasn’t a laugh to me. And I don’t think it’s funny that I’m here, so why are you mad?” 

“I’m not, it’s just, Zayn, you weren’t looking at it through my eyes. You didn't have to see the way you were shaking, and watch you freak out over something that wasn’t there. You didn’t have to force you to stay under the cold blanket they brought in to try and bring your temperature down. I know you don’t think it’s funny, but it scared me,” Harry says, locking eyes with Zayn for a moment before he glances back up at the TV. “Call Niall, and then we can order lunch.” 

Zayn nods his head and presses call, setting the phone against his ear and waiting. It only takes a minute before he hears Louis’ worried voice in his ear. 

“Harry? How is he? Is everything okay?” Louis says into the phone, his words fast and jumbled. 

“It’s not Harry, it’s me, and everything is fine. I should be home tomorrow, so not much longer.” 

“Oh thank god,” Louis breathes. “We’ve been worried sick. Liam’s making Niall’s lunch right now, working on a sandwich. He’s feeling better, his fever is gone completely and his cough is going away. But he was worried about you for a while, but we lied and said you were tired and you just fell asleep yesterday but everything is okay. We said you had to take a nap and that’s why Harry brought him over here. Sorry for lying to him, just didn’t know what to tell a small child when their father collapses.” 

“It’s okay,” Zayn says, grateful that they told Niall something and happy that he’s feeling better. “Can I talk to him?” 

“Of course, yeah, one second,” Louis says and Zayn hears Louis call Niall’s name, followed by a shuffle and Niall’s voice.

“Hello?” Niall says, following Louis’ instruction, the elder having to tell him what to say. “I Niall.” 

Zayn laughs at Niall’s greeting, always the same. “Hi, sweetheart.”

“Baba,” Niall shouts into the phone, loud enough for Harry to hear, causing him to turn over and smile. “Baba, where you?”

“I’m with Daddy, we had to go on a little trip,” Zayn lies. “You have to sleep at Uncle Louis’ house again, bud.” 

Niall sighs into the phone. “Baba, I not.” 

“I’m afraid so, bub, but Uncle Louis was telling me that he wanted to take you out to get ice cream tonight. Ask him?”

Zayn knows the phone is probably on speakerphone and Louis can hear everything he can say. He doesn’t feel bad about making them plans, Louis will get over it, and it’ll keep Niall happy while he’s there, and keeping Niall happy is all that Zayn really cares about. 

“Lou, ice cream?” 

“Apparently so,” Louis says. “But not until later. You have to eat lunch first. Now, finish talking to Baba.” 

“Niall, tell Baba all about what you did last night and today. I want to hear everything,” Zayn says, leaning back in his seat. 

Zayn glances over at Harry as he listens to Niall, noticing the way his brow is furrowed as he stares at the television. Zayn doesn’t think he’s watching, just staring at it and thinking about the conversation they were having before Zayn called Niall. Zayn sighs, reaching up and draping his arm over Harry’s, pressing their palms together and linking their fingers. He grips onto his hand and listens as Niall tells him about the toys Louis had for him in the bath. 

It takes a minute but Harry squeezes his hand, just briefly, but enough to let Zayn know that he’s okay.


	33. Chapter 33

Zayn gets the okay to go home the next morning, after he and Harry have finished their breakfast and after Harry bought him the world’s worst outfit from the gift shop. 

"I'm dressed like you," Zayn cries for the third time as he examines the blue shirt covered in white flowers and tan colored shorts. He looks like a father on vacation, a middle-aged man with a wife and four kids. "This is hideous, Harry." 

"It's not that bad," Harry reasons; his hand is on Zayn's elbow as they leave the hospital. He refuses to let Zayn walk on his own. He claims it's because he's worried about him, but Zayn thinks there are other reasons behind it, ones he doesn't want to think about. 

"That's because you'd wear this,” Zayn says, pushing open the door for the hospital. He can feel as Harry’s hand slides from his elbow to his lowers back, but he doesn’t say anything, just allows his ex-boyfriend to guide him towards his car. “You should have known to pack a bag.” 

“Forgive me,” Harry says and Zayn can hear the eye roll floating on top of the heavy dose of sarcasm. “As soon as we get home you can take a shower and change your clothes, but right now, you’re getting into the car and then you’re going to get your son, who will not comment on your clothing, so I don’t know why you’re so concerned.” 

“Next time we take Niall to get new clothes, we’re going to get you some as well, and I’m going to pick yours out. You’re dressed horribly,” Zayn says, smiling at Harry as the other boy unlocks the passenger door. 

“We?” Harry asks, pulling open the door. 

“We what? What are you talking about?” Zayn asks, looking at Harry in confusion. The other boy just smiles at him and closes the door, patting the top of the car before he walks around to get in on his side. Zayn continues staring at him in confusion as Harry pulls his own door open and gets inside. “Are you going to tell me what you were talking about?” 

“You said we, when you were talking about going shopping for Niall, you said we,” Harry explains while he starts the car and begins backing out of the parking spot. “Is that something I’m invited to or was it a slip of the tongue?” 

Zayn looks at him, because he hadn’t meant to say we, he really hadn’t, and he didn’t notice that he did it. He meant to say when he goes shopping for Niall next, but it’s too late to take it back. And Zayn’s not sure how to answer Harry; because he doesn't know when the time will come that he’ll be able to fully forgive Harry for what he’s done to him and their relationship. A part of him, a part he’s not sure the size of, still doesn’t trust Harry. He’s scared, worried that it’ll happen again, maybe not now, but in the future. He loves him, he does, not even a kiss with someone else could change that, but he can’t be with him right now. He can’t afford to think of them as an entity instead of two separate people, because they’re not together anymore, and Zayn’s not sure how much longer Harry will be willing to stick around and wait for him to find a way to forgive him. 

Zayn wants, with everything he has, to wipe the slate clean and start over, but that’s not how life works. He so desperately wishes it was true, but the quiet moments of his life are filled with the memory of walking in on Harry and Louis. He’s not sure he’ll ever be able to get over it. 

So while no, he didn’t mean to say the word we, Harry is giving him these glances out of the corner of his eyes as they drive towards Louis’ apartment for Niall that he’s just not tell him the truth of his words. 

“We’re buying you new clothes as well, so you’ll have to be there,” Zayn reasons, shrugging his shoulders and trying to act like it’s not a big deal. “Unless you don’t want to, which is fine by me, I know your sizes and I can buy you something better than glowing yellow shorts

“You’re awfully bossy today,” Harry replies, flashing Zayn a wide grin. “Who knew a mild bout of the flu could bring this out in you.” 

“Sorry, I’m just… I really want to see Niall and sleep in my own bed and shower on my own without you forcing me to sit on a stupid bench while you wash my hair for me. I want to eat a proper meal and mostly, above everything else, I just want to see Niall. I miss him terribly. I’m not trying to be bossy, this shirt is just truly awful.” 

“You could take it off, you know, if it’s that bad.”

“I’m sure you’d like that,” Zayn says, looking at Harry and smiling. 

“You were complaining about the shorts earlier, weren’t you? I seem to recall you called them revolting, isn’t that right? You should take your shorts off as well,” Harry says, nodding his head. His facial expression is neutral, but his eyes give away his teasing tone. 

“I think you’ve seen my bare ass enough this hospital stay,” Zayn says, resting his head against the head rests as he turns to face Harry. “When we get to my apartment, I want to take a shower before I nap with Niall. Will you stay for a little while to keep an eye on him while I shower?”

“What makes you think I plan on leaving?” Harry asks, turning to look at Zayn for a brief second before his eyes dart back to the road. 

“Why would you stay?” Zayn asks, instead of reminding Harry that they don’t live together and they’re no longer together, so he has no reason to be in Zayn’s apartment when he’s not needed and there really isn’t a reason. 

“You can kick me out when you finished the medication that the doctor gave you, until then, I’m not leaving,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders. “You’re not collapsing again because you’re not taking care of yourself, I’m not going to let you, and I’m not going to let Niall see that again, so you’re stuck with me, babe.” 

Zayn doesn’t say anything, because it’s an argument not worth having. 

~~~ 

“I’ll run up and get Niall, you can stay in the car,” Harry says, undoing his seatbelt. 

“I don’t want to stay in the car,” Zayn says, making to undone his own but Harry reaches out, placing his hand on top of Zayn’s to stop him. 

“Please just listen to me for once, it’ll only take a minute,” Harry says, removing Zayn’s hand from the seat belt and setting it in his lap. Zayn sighs and nods his head reluctantly, causing Harry to smile as he pushes open the car door and steps out. “I swear it’ll only take a minute, if you go in then Louis will never shut up.”

Zayn rolls his eyes, watching as Harry rushes off towards Louis’ apartment. “Stay in the car,” he mocks, undoing his seatbelt. He’s not going to follow Harry up to the apartment, but he is going to get out of the car. 

He stands next to it, leaning back against the warm metal frame and kicking loose gravel around while he waits. It feels like ages before he hears any sound other then cars as they drive by, the sound presents itself as Niall’s laughter and Zayn’s stomach twists in anticipation and delight. 

“I thought I asked you to wait in the car,” Harry says, smiling at him and shaking his head. 

Zayn chooses not to say anything as he takes Niall from Harry, holding him close. 

“Baba,” Niall says, pulling back to smile at Zayn. “Hi.”

“You smell like heaven,” Zayn says, pressing another kiss to the side of Niall’s head. “Baba missed you.” 

“Smell dirty,” Niall replies, wrinkling his nose up and looking at Zayn in distaste. 

“Thanks, sweetheart. I missed you, too,” Zayn says, laughing as he turns around to put Niall in the car. 

“Miss Baba,” Niall says obediently. Zayn smiles at that while he buckles Niall into his car seat. 

“Baba is going to sit back here with you and Daddy is going to be our driver,” Zayn says, shutting the rear door behind him. 

“How are you going to pay me for driving you?” Harry asks, turning around in his seat to look at Zayn.

“I’m allowing you to sleep on my couch, aren’t I? Maybe I’ll make you dinner,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders in nonchalance. He smiles when Harry gives him a look before he turns around and backs the car out of the parking spot and starts driving them home. 

“You’re not cooking anything,” Harry says, shaking his head. “I want you resting until you’ve finished the medication that the doctor gave you, it’ll only be a few days and then you’re free to go about your life, but right now, you’re definitely letting me do everything.”

“Daddy’s being silly,” Zayn says, ignoring Harry to talk to Niall. “What are we going to do with him?”

“Daddy coo coo,” Niall says, pulling a face. “Daddy not cook.” 

“That’s my boy,” Zayn says, reaching over to tickle Niall’s side. 

“You’re both going to make the next few days difficult, aren’t you?” Harry asks. 

“Daddy, I not,” Niall says, shaking his head. 

Zayn smiles and leans over again to kiss Niall on the side of the head, feeling a knot in his stomach dissolve into nothing now that he’s back with his son. 

~~~ 

When Zayn gets out of the shower a half an hour later, he finds Harry and Niall at the kitchen table eating what’s left of their lunch. There’s a plate full of food on the other side of Harry, and Zayn slides into the chair next to him, his stomach gurgling in hunger. 

“Thank you for making lunch,” Zayn says, picking up one of the chips off his plate and popping it in his mouth. “I didn’t realize I was hungry until I saw it. I also didn’t realize that Niall hadn’t eaten.” 

“Liam said they didn’t want to feed him because then he’d want a nap, and we would have a hard time getting him out of there,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders. 

“I not nap,” Niall says, making his eyes wide and shaking his head. “I not.” 

“Baba is going to take a nap, don’t you want to join me?” Zayn asks, taking a bite of his sandwich. 

“Niall eat,” Niall says diplomatically. “Eat Daddy food.” 

“All right, finish eating then,” Zayn says, shaking his head. 

“He’s calling me Daddy again,” Harry says quietly, turning away from Niall to look at Zayn. 

“I told you he would,” Zayn replies, stealing a chip off Harry’s plate. “He just needed time to forget he was angry, he takes after me, doesn’t he? We’re not the kind of people who forgive easily.” 

“I know you’re not,” Harry says, smiling sadly. “I thought for a while he wouldn’t say it again, though. I almost cried when he said it in Louis’ apartment, but I’d have never heard the end of it if I did that.” 

“Why do you always doubt how important you are to him?” Zayn asks. It’s a question he’s been thinking about a lot recently with the way Harry’s been acting since the break up, the way he tip toes around everything in constant fear that the slightest thing is going to wipe him out of Zayn and Niall’s lives for good. Zayn thought it was obvious, despite the break up, how important he is to their family. 

“I’m not doubting myself,” Harry sighs, shaking his head. 

“Yes you are, Harry. I don’t understand.” 

“Zayn, you’re not seeing or experiencing these things from my end. You’re not the one that ruined everything and made, what could potentially be, the biggest mistake of my life. You’re not… Zayn, until you royally fuck up, you can’t argue with me about doubting myself, because yeah, I doubt myself. You’re right, I’m doubting myself, but I can’t just make that go away over night, Zayn. We’re broken up, Zayn, and I hurt the person that I love. It’s not easy to just bounce back and act like everything is completely perfect for me, because it’s not. You have your own issues in your own head, and I have mine. Mine include you, mine include Niall, who until today was calling me Harry and saying that he hated me, and mine include what I did to you,” Harry says, his voice still low to keep Niall out of the conversation. “I love you, I do, and I hope this doesn’t ruin anything, but you don’t get to tell me how I feel inside my own head is wrong or right, so don’t try and argue with me about it, okay?” 

“Harry, Niall loves you,” Zayn says. “You don’t have to worry about him, you really don’t. He loves you.” 

“And what about you?” Harry asks, looking at Zayn with a carefully neutral expression. 

I can’t say it out loud, Zayn thinks, staring at Harry with his lips parted. “Harry,” Zayn says softly, and a little sadly. “Harry, I-“ 

“Baba, juice,” Niall interrupts as he waves his cup around in the air. “Niall please.” He adds as an after thought, remember his manners.

Zayn smiles at him, no intention of correcting his son. “Thank you for saying please, Niall.” 

“Juice,” Niall repeats. 

“I’ll get it,” Harry says, taking the cup from Niall. “I’m finished eating anyway.” 

Zayn watches him make his way across the kitchen, stopping in front of the fridge to get Niall what he asked for. 

Harry takes a seat at the other side of the table, away from Zayn. He smiles at Niall, but doesn’t say anything. It’s silent as they finish their meal. Zayn doesn’t know what to do or what to say. He doesn’t want to fix Harry, he doesn’t want to comfort him in the appropriate ways like he should be doing, not when he’s got a batch of his own feelings and emotions swirling around inside of him, ones that he doesn’t even know how to mend and nurse back to the way it used to be. And if he doesn't know how to properly take care of himself, how can he take care of Harry? 

He finishes his lunch fifteen minutes later when Niall starts crushing chips with his finger, the little boy obviously bored of sitting at the table. 

“Niall, you and I are going to go take a nap, so say good night to Daddy, okay?” Zayn says, nodding his head in Harry’s direction as he stands up, grabbing all three plates off the table. 

“Daddy nap,” Niall says. 

“No, I’ve got to do the dishes and lots of Daddy chores to do while you both sleep,” Harry says, trying to reason with Niall as he helps him out of his chair. “Besides, Baba has been looking forward to napping with you all day. I bet he’s really excited about it.” 

“You nap,” Niall says, frowning at Harry. “Baba, Daddy nap.” 

“Niall, can you say good night,” Zayn asks, dumping the little bits of food left on Niall’s plate on the trash before he drops it in the sink. 

“Not say,” Niall says, shaking his head. “Daddy nap.” 

“Maybe I should head out for a little while, Nick’s been taking care of the cats for me, but I could go back to my place and maybe stop by later or something. I could leave,” Harry says. 

“No,” Niall shouts, shaking his head. He grabs onto Harry’s face, forcing him to look at him instead of Zayn. “You nap.” 

“Niall, he has to go check on Cat and Kitty, they need him,” Zayn says, trying to work with Harry’s angle. 

“Baba, no,” Niall says, shaking his head again. He releases a shaky breath, one that tells Zayn he’s close to tears. 

“Niall, come on, buddy,” Harry says, patting Niall on the back. “If you take a nap now with Baba, then we’ll have enough time for ice cream tonight. Do you want ice cream?” 

“He’s already had ice cream this week,” Zayn says, remembering that he had some with Louis last night. 

“All right, well what can you offer that’s better?” Harry asks, turning to look at him. “I’m fresh out of ideas.” 

“Daddy nap,” Niall says, looking between the two of them. 

“That’s my idea,” Zayn says, pointing at Niall. “You’re taking a nap.” 

“What are you talking about?” Harry asks. 

“He wants to sleep with you, so go in there and take a nap with him. I’ll go in my room and you two can go in his room,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s not a big deal.”

“You’ve been looking forward to seeing him since yesterday, you’re the one who wanted to do this. It’s not really fair that I’d be napping with him,” Harry says. 

“It’s the only way he’s going to nap, so does it really matter?” Zayn asks, feeling a little annoyed, his annoyances stemming from a place of jealousy because Niall wants to take a nap with him instead of Harry. 

“I guess it doesn’t,” Harry says, following Zayn out of the kitchen and down the hallway. 

“Wake me up when you guys wake up,” Zayn says. “Have a good nap, Niall” He smiles at his son, waving before he turns around to enter his bedroom, Harry and Niall going into Niall’s. 

“No,” Niall shouts and Zayn turns around to see Niall grabbing onto the doorframe. “Baba nap.” 

“Niall, that’s what we’re doing. Daddy is going to sleep in your room with you, and Baba is going to sleep in his bed. Everyone is napping, all right? Don’t worry about it, okay?” Zayn says, stepping forward to kiss Niall on the forehead. He reaches out and gently pries Niall’s hands off the wood, kissing each of them before he lets go. “I’ll see you a little while, okay? Come wake Baba up when you’re awake.” 

“Sleep you bed,” Niall says. “Daddy, Niall sleep you bed.” 

“Niall, we can’t-“ Harry starts but Zayn cuts him off, his voice louder and slightly frantic. 

“It’s okay,” Zayn says. He doesn’t know why he’s agreeing to Niall’s plan or why his hands are shaking while his heart beats wildly in his chest. “We can all sleep in my bed. Um, yeah, we can do that.” He nods his head once and turns around, unable to look at Harry and see what his facial expression might be saying. 

“You want to, um, sleep in the same bed?” Harry says, his voice soft and unsure. 

“You’ll have your side, I’ll have mine, and Niall will make sure that we both stick to that,” Zayn says, making his way towards the bed. 

“Yeah, of course,” Harry says, following close behind. He sets Niall down on the bed, and kicks off his shoes before climbing into the side of the bed that’s always been designated for Harry since he first started sleeping over. 

Zayn takes a deep breath, reaching out with shaky hands and pulling the blanket back before he crawls underneath it. He lies down next to Niall, pulling him closer to him and closing his eyes. 

It takes longer than necessary for his body to relax and for him to drift off to sleep. 

~~~ 

“Niall, what do you want for dinner?” Zayn shouts, directing his voice down the hallway towards Niall’s room where he’s located, playing with his toys. 

“Ice cream,” Niall shouts back and Zayn rolls his eyes. 

“He wants ice cream,” Zayn says, turning back to look at Harry. 

“So, we’ll make him chicken,” Harry reasons, his lips pulled down, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t think he’ll notice the difference.” 

“Oh no, definitely not,” Zayn agrees, leaning against the counter next to Harry. “You know that we’re going to have to give him ice cream later, right? All because you had to mention it earlier.” 

“I can handle some ice cream,” Harry says, looking thoughtful for a moment. “We could go out and get it, if you wanted to get out of the house.”

“Sounds like you’re trying to ask me out on a date,” Zayn says, studying Harry carefully. 

“It can be anything you want it to be,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders, trying hard to sound casual. “If you want to think of it as a date, then it can be a date. Or, it could just be two parents taking their son out for ice cream since they’re tricking him with chicken.” 

“I think I like the second option,” Zayn says, biting his lip, unsure of how Harry will react. 

Harry nods his head slowly. “I figured you’d want to go that route, which is the intentions I had originally, but it sounded like you wanted a date, so who am I to deny you?” 

“No, I think you were definitely hinting at it,” Zayn says, causing Harry to smile. “I’m onto you, Harry Styles.”

Harry’s smile slowly fades and Zayn looks at him, tilting his head to the side. “What?” he asks, wanting to know why Harry is looking at him the way he is. 

Harry takes a deep breath and then leaves forward slowly, carefully, like he’s scared of scaring Zayn off. Zayn realizes, when Harry’s lips are just nearly ready to touch his that Harry is trying to kiss him. He rests his hands on Harry’s shoulders and takes a step back, averting the kiss as he backs himself into the counter. 

“Harry,” Zayn says, unable to say anything else. Harry looks up at him, his face twisted in… It’s twisted in this kind of way that stabs at Zayn’s heart while it burns itself to the back of his eyelids, he sees flashes of the face every time he blinks, his stomach twisting and sinking further into his abdomen. “Harry.” 

“Sorry,” Harry says, shaking his head. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry, please don’t…just, don’t, um, fuck, please don’t be angry.” 

“Harry, I can’t,” Zayn says, he can’t physically bring himself to finish the sentence. He can’t bring himself to say that he can’t kiss Harry, not right now. 

“I know, I’m sorry. I just thought, it seemed like it would be a good idea. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to push you, okay? I’m so sorry,” Harry says, his voice slightly hysterical. 

“I’m not angry,” Zayn says, because he’s not. He’s mostly confused. “I just can’t. I can’t. The last time, um, the last time you were kissing someone it was Louis. I can’t when that’s all I see in my head when I have a moment to myself. I can’t when the last person your lips touched was Louis. I just can’t.”

Harry nods his head, releasing a deep, shaky breath. “They’ll never get a chance to touch anyone else if you’re always going to be rejecting me,” Harry says sadly. 

“I know that I’ve been giving you mixed signals, I’ve been giving myself mixed signals, and I apologize for that, but I’m not ready right now. I can’t do this right now, I’m so sorry,” Zayn cries, shaking his head. 

“Maybe I should head home,” Harry says, his eyes focused on Zayn’s shoulder. 

“Take Niall with you,” Zayn says. 

“No, it’s okay,” Harry says, shaking his head. “I need to get out of here.” 

“Harry, please. Take Niall with you. You shouldn’t be alone right now,” Zayn says. He leaves out the part where he says he needs to know that Harry will come back and him taking Niall is the only way that Zayn can be certain of it. 

“And you should?” Harry asks. 

“I don’t want to have to worry about you,” Zayn says. “Please take him with you for the night.” 

“All right,” Harry agrees, nodding his head. “All right.” He backs out of the room without another word, turning away from Zayn and going to grab Niall. 

Zayn rests his head in his hands, his entire body shaking as he tries to take a deep breath, anything to make him something other than the radiating pain from his heart to the rest of his body. 

~~~ 

It takes him a while, a half hour of tearing his apartment apart before he finds the alcohol he’s kept hidden on the highest shelf in one of the kitchen cabinets, away from any place Niall would be able to reach. It’s meant to be used when Niall’s gone to sleep and he and Louis wanted to have a nightcap, but now… Zayn’s drinking for all the wrong reasons, he’s not drinking to loosen up after a long day of chasing his kid. Zayn is seeking to forget the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and the pounding of his heart. He wants to drink until he can forget the look on Harry’s face when he rejected his kiss.


	34. Chapter 34

Zayn’s sitting on the ground in his kitchen, his back pressed against the counters as he takes another steady drink from the bottle, tracing patterns on his thigh with one hand while the other clutches the neck of the bottle. 

He’s been drinking for two hours, a slow and constant process of consumption and contemplation. His throat is burning, his head spinning, but he keeps drinking. He’s never turned to alcohol to help solve his problems, but he feels a bit helpless, and right now, more than anything, he’d just like to get away from his troubles and everything going on that keeps him awake at night. 

Harry had tried to kiss him, and he rejected him, a subtle stabbing of his heart when he saw Harry’s face as he pulled away. They’ve spent so much time together, Harry doing everything in his power to try and get Zayn to forgive him, to get him to see that he’s not going anywhere, and to help maintain a level a normalcy to Niall’s life. Zayn knows that Harry’s sorry for what he did; the regret is etched on his face, laced in his words, and hidden in his actions. It crawls under his skin and pours out with every breath, wrapping itself around Zayn and suffocating him. 

He can feel the sincerity pouring itself out of Harry, and he can feel the hesitation with every move that he makes. It’s shown in the way he asks if something is all right before he does anything. It’s tiring, and the weight of it all is holding Zayn down, making him feel puzzled and trapped, mostly in his mind. His thoughts are on a constant stream of repetition, Harry’s encounter with Louis invading his mind at any given moment. 

Zayn dreams about it when he goes to sleep at night, waking up in a cold sweat, panting and trying to calm himself down. He thinks about it when he’s preparing breakfast for Niall, when he’s walking down the street, when he’s drawing, and when he’s watching television. The only time the thoughts dissipate into nothing is when he’s with Niall, his son calming him without even trying, but it’s when he’s not there that the thoughts take over. 

Zayn loves Harry, of course he does, and he knows that he’ll probably never be able to find someone who loves him as much as they love Niall. He’ll probably never be able to find someone else who can stand the thought of him having a child, someone who is willing to turn their entire world upside down for him and his son. He’s lucky, and he almost certainly doesn’t deserve someone as wonderful as Harry, but he can’t forget the kiss he shared with someone else. He can’t disregard the way Harry touched someone else, when all he wants to do is forget. 

So he drinks, lips wrapped around the bottle as he takes another pull, trying his hardest to stop the thoughts plaguing his mind. Stupidly, he thinks if he gets drunk enough, he won’t have to keep in mind that he’s no longer able to be with Harry with the same ease that he once was. 

He drinks until the bottle is nearly empty, and he can hardly string together a coherent thought. He drinks until he’s pulling out his phone and calling a cab. The words struggle to get out of his mouth, slurring together while he tries to stand up, the action taking great effort. He recites his address and his destination, the only place he can think about going. 

~~~ 

Zayn sits in the back of the cab; bottle of alcohol held between his thighs as he rests his head against the cool glass of the window, watching as the city slowly passes by. 

It had taken a lot of effort to get into the cab after he nearly forgot to lock his front door, almost forgetting his phone and wallet behind, but most importantly his alcohol. He’s tried texting Harry to see how Niall is doing, but he hasn’t heard back from. A blank screen of jumbled letters stares back at him, all his words and none of Harry’s He takes another swig from the bottle and wonders if he’s finally pushed Harry away for good. 

He’s not sure what he would do if Harry were to finally be done with him. He wouldn’t blame him, not in the slightest if that were what Harry wanted. He would understand. It’s not easy for Zayn to find forgiveness and to move forward, and he could see why Harry would get tired of waiting and would want to abandon him and possibly Niall. He gets it, he does, and he knows he’s not the easiest or the best person to be in a relationship with, but he likes to think that he tries. He could try harder, for Harry he thinks that he could, if he can ever get the image of Louis and Harry out of his mind. 

Zayn has no idea what he would do with himself if Harry were to want nothing to do with him anymore. He spent the entire first half of their relationship, probably longer, thinking that Harry was going to leave him at any waking moment. He doesn’t want to go back to that place again, especially when they’re not even in a relationship anymore. 

Thinking of Harry makes his head spin for different reasons than the alcohol does, but he can feel his skin prickling in an unsatisfying way, so he takes another drink from the bottle and closes his eyes, hoping the cab ride will be over soon. 

~~~ 

It’s a difficult task, trying to make his way up a staircase. He has to hold onto the railing with two hands, using all of his energy to make his way up the stairs. Zayn abandoned his alcohol at the bottom of the stairs, staring at it in longing before he worked up the courage to conquer the staircase. He’s only fallen over a few times, mostly forward, his grip on the railing enough to keep him from hitting the ground. Halfway up, he gives up, dropping down so he’s walking with his hands on the ground like he’s an animal, his head spinning from the movement. 

When he finally makes it to the landing, he has to hold onto the wall, his walking causing him to sway slightly, until he’s leaning against the wall, knocking repeatedly on a door. He changes the patterns of his knock, moving his fist up and down on the door. It turns into a game, how many different knocking patterns can he do before someone answers the door. 

It takes barely a minute for the door to swing open and Zayn is stumbling backwards, tripping over his feet as he tries to push off the wall to reveal himself. 

And it comes without a second’s hesitation, his fist pulling back before it’s thrown forward and collides with Louis’ face. 

“Fuck,” Zayn curses, pulling his hand back and shaking it around, rubbing at the knuckles. Louis falls backwards, mostly from surprise and Zayn finds himself staring at the other boy on the floor, clutching his nose in his hands, a bright red spot beneath his eye. “What are you doing here?” Zayn shouts, watching as Louis glares at him from around his hands cupping his nose. 

“I live here,” Louis cries, standing up slowly. 

“Oh,” Zayn says glancing around the apartment to see that it is, in fact, Louis’ apartment and not Harry’s house. He turns to look back at Louis. “I meant to go to Harry’s.” 

“Were you going to punch him in the face?” Louis asks, wincing as he touches the tender red skin. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Of course not,” he slurs, stumbling forward a little. 

“What’s going on?” Zayn glances up to see Liam staring at the two of them in confusion, looking back and forth between Louis’ red face and Zayn’s red hand. “Holy shit, you punched him?” 

“You hit Harry,” Zayn says, swinging his fist forward again to show Liam the action. “Gave him a nice shiner, didn’t ya?” 

“Zayn, are you drunk?” Louis asks, sniffing the air around Zayn. “You smell horrible, sit down.” He grabs Zayn’s shoulders, guiding him towards the couch and forcing him into a sit. 

“I’ll get him some water and then I’ll leave,” Liam says, disappearing behind the wall. 

Zayn leans back against the couch, resting his head against the cushion and closing his eyes. “I guess you two are back together then, yeah?” He asks, opening his eyes to look at Louis. It takes a minute for his vision to focus, Louis’ living room practically vibrating. 

Louis doesn’t answer him, shaking his head at him though while Liam sets a glass of water down on the table before he’s slipping out of the apartment, no words spoken to either of them. 

“You dating Liam again, or what?” Zayn asks again, refusing to let the subject go. 

“No,” Louis replies, shaking his head as he picks up the water and hands it to Zayn. “We haven’t spoken since… well, we just haven’t spoken for a while, but with you in the hospital and Niall being here, I just felt, like, I needed someone else here with me. The entire time you were in the hospital, it was all about Niall. We spoke only about him and about you, until Niall left. We decided it was time to talk about a lot of things, like what happened and what I did.” 

“Yeah? And how did that work out for you?” Zayn asks, trying to take a sip of water and smacking his lips together in distaste, his alcohol tasted better. 

“It didn’t, you stumbled in here and punched me in the face before we could say more than three sentences to each other,” Louis explains. 

“Oh no, how awful,” Zayn cries. “How horrible of me to mess up something with the person you’re in love with. Gosh, that’s horrible.” He rolls his eyes, taking another sip of the water. “I can’t believe I’d be so selfish to ruin that while I’m heartbroken… Oh wait, that sounds familiar.” 

“You’re angry at me,” Louis says, nodding his head. 

“Me? No, I’m beyond thrilled you had an orgasm caused by my Harry while you kissed him. I don’t know why you’d think otherwise,” Zayn scoffs, rolling his eyes again. 

“I don’t think we should talk about this while you’re drunk,” Louis says, shaking his head. “And even though I don’t think we should, I have a feeling this is going to be the only time you say what you’re actually feeling instead of hiding behind it, so let’s talk.” 

“You deserved to be punched in the face. I could hit you again, you know,” Zayn says, nodding his head and looking at Louis seriously. “I’d like to hit you again, actually.” 

“If that will make you feel better, please do,” Louis says, holding his arms out. “I deserve anything and everything you throw at me, fists, objects, and words. I’m not going to fight back, Zayn, but I don’t think violence is going to make you feel any better.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes, because what the fuck would Louis know about what could make him feel better? Louis is the reason he feels like complete and utter shit. He’s the reason that he’s no longer with Harry, he’s the reason that he feels like he can’t trust Harry, or he can’t move forward with their relationship. He hasn’t had enough energy or time to think about repairing his friendship with Louis, not while he’s worried about what’s going to happen with Harry. He has Niall, someone who views Harry as a father figure, and Louis and he only work together. He hasn’t gone back to work since the break up, which he needs to do to get his life back on track and to help replenish his bank account. He groans out loud at thought, putting his face in his hands and dropping over until he’s lying on his side with his legs hanging off the couch. 

“Even when you’re drunk, you’re impossible to talk to,” Louis says, sighing as he shakes his head. “You need to learn to talk about the shit bothering you instead of holding it in.” 

Zayn pulls his hand away and looks at Louis. “You ever think I don’t want to talk to you?” 

“You used to talk to me all the time, you told me everything.” 

“You’re right, let’s talk,” Zayn says, sitting up again. “Why’d you have to fuck around with Harry? Billions of people in the world, thousands of them living in this city and you had to choose the one fucking person that means something to me. Why?” 

“I don’t know,” Louis says, shrugging his shoulders. “I was heart broken over Liam, upset and angry, then it turned into anger and resentment because you had everything I couldn’t have. I don’t want kids, but I do want the boy I love most, and seeing you with Harry while I was so miserable… It was stupid. I’m a fucking moron. You’re my best friend in the entire world and you don’t deserve the pain I put you through.” 

“What would you do if I kissed Liam?” Zayn asks. 

“I don’t, um. I’m not sure. Have you?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, but I think about it. How would you and Harry feel if you had to witness what you did to me? How would the two of you react if we touched each other and acted like a couple did? But then I remember that Liam’s not it for me, Harry is, and unlike the two of you, I don’t want to fuck it up.” 

“Zayn, do you realize that you could do anything in the world and Harry would still think the sun came straight out of your ass?” 

“Yeah? Was that before or after I rejected his kiss?” 

“What are you talking about?” 

Zayn groans, turning his face a little so he can shove it into the couch cushion. Louis was supposed to know what he’s talking about, he was supposed to know that Harry tried to kiss him but Zayn can’t kiss him back. Louis is supposed to know all of this because Zayn’s not sure he can talk about it out loud, not even when he’s drunk. He needs Louis to figure it out because he can’t just say what he’s thinking, he can’t say what happened, he doesn’t know how to put the thoughts together.

“All right,” Louis says, and Zayn turns his face a little so one eye can open and he can look at his friend. “Finish your water, we’re going to bed.” 

“Why?” Zayn asks, sitting up and taking the water from Louis. He doesn’t feel as drunk as he did earlier, his vision is no longer going in and out of focus, he feels like he has better control of his movements, but he’s by no means sober. 

“Drink,” Louis orders, pointing to the water in Zayn’s hand. Zayn rolls his eyes, but he complies, putting the rim of the glass to his lips and drinking and drinking until the water slowly disappears from the glass and glides down his throat with ease. He finishes with a sigh, passing the glass back to Louis while he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Now we can go to sleep.” 

Zayn stands up slowly, his legs a little shaky, but he can feel Louis holding onto the back of his arm as he stumbles through his apartment back towards his room. He doesn’t want to sleep in Niall’s bed tonight. He wants to sleep in a bed where he can lie down with his arms and legs going every which way and not be suspended in mid-air, but resting comfortably on a soft mattress. 

It takes a minute to figure out how to get his shoes and his pants off, but when he does, he crawls into Louis’ bed wearing just a pair of boxers and a shirt, snuggling under the blankets and watching as Louis shuts the off the light and joins him, wearing the same thing. 

They stare at each other in the darkness, a thin strip of space separating them and Zayn feels his body growing tired, his eyelids getting heavy, but he fights it, or at least he tries to anyway. 

“I know you’re not going to tell me, but while you were drinking your water and breathing in my furniture, I did a bit of thinking,” Louis says, pulling a the sheets. “I thought that Harry must have tried to kiss you, and you freaked out a bit, worried about what the kiss might mean or what it might do if you kissed him back. I think that’s why you started drinking tonight, right? You felt bad about pushing him away and now you’re worried he’s going to leave you.” 

“He is, isn’t he? No one wants to stay with someone that has a kid and doesn't know how to forgive and forget, or to at least forgive and move on. I’m hopeless,” Zayn groans. 

“You’re not hopeless, you’re in love with someone who made a mistake and hurt you. You’re normal in your reaction. You’re actually being nicer to Harry than I would be,” Louis says. 

“Why’d you have to kiss him? Why would you do that to me, because now I don’t know how to be with him anymore? I can’t picture myself with him anymore, I just see the two of you together,” Zayn says, and he’s not going to cry, he’s not, but he can feel tears prickling in his eyes. He takes a deep breath, trying his hardest to fight down his emotions, but he feels out of control, like if he keeps talking he’s going to lose himself. 

“I’m sorry, Zayn,” Louis says sadly, and Zayn shakes his head. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, want to sleep,” he says, because if he keeps talking, he’s going to cry, and that’s not what he wants to do. 

“We’re going to talk about this in the morning, you know that, right?” Louis says, reaching out and touching Zayn’s hair softly. 

“You’re going to have a bruise on your face in the morning,” Zayn says, letting out a content sigh while he closes his eyes, his body feeling heavy and tired all of a sudden. 

“Good, maybe then you’ll remember tonight and I won’t have to drag all this information out of you later,” Louis says, running his fingers through Zayn’s hair. 

“Maybe,” Zayn mumbles, his eyes still closed as he relishes in the feeling of Louis rubbing his head, helping soothe him into sleep.


	35. Chapter 35

Zayn leaves Louis’ bathroom slowly, clutching the walls for support as he makes his way down the hallway, following the scent of coffee and bacon. He’s just finished throwing up the non-existent contents of his stomach into Louis’ toilet. He feels like death personified, not having had any food or water, at the very least, in his body before he decided to drink what he can only imagine was the entire bottle of the only alcohol he had in his apartment. He makes a mental note to never replace it, ever. He never wants to feel this way again, like his brain is pounding against his skull with his stomach in knots and his limbs feeling loose, like he can barely get them to function as he tries to take a step. 

“Please close your blinds,” Zayn groans as he stumbles into Louis’ kitchen, heading directly towards the table and collapsing in a chair. He rests his head against the cool wooden surface. “My entire body hurts.” 

He hears glass sliding across the table, the sound feels intensified, but he doesn’t lift his head up until he hears the sound of the blinds, the sound of plastic rubbing together, a sign that Louis has closed his blinds. 

He lifts his head up slowly, catching sight of the full breakfast and coffee in front of him. His stomach growls, despite the clenching, like he could vomit at any minute just from the sight of food, but he swallows it down, taking a deep breath. “I can’t remember the last time I drank as much as I did last night,” he says, lifting up the coffee cup and bringing it to his lips, blowing air out across the liquid before he takes a tentative sip, watching as Louis’ slides into the seat next to him. 

“If I’m not mistaken, it was the first time you slept with Harry, the night you first met,” Louis says, grabbing the fork laid out in front of him on the table. “I can’t remember you being drunk since that night.” 

Zayn nods his head carefully, taking another sip of his coffee, the liquid taking a bit of the edge off his headache. “Yeah that might have been it,” Zayn says carefully, nodding his head slowly. He picks up his fork, stabbing a bit of eggs with it. “Nice black eye by the way, how’d you get that one?” 

Louis looks at him for a moment before he laughs lightly, shaking his head. “I figured that out of everything you said and did last night that you’d remember where my black eye came from.” 

“I did that?” Zayn asks, staring intently at the purpling skin running from Louis’ cheek to his eye. 

“Yeah, I opened my apartment door and before you even said hello, you punched me in the face,” Louis says, smiling around a mouthful of food. “I kind of liked it though, it was the first batch of real emotion you’ve showed me since, well, since you know. Getting punched in the face is better than you taking time off work to avoid me, and bringing me Niall once just to satisfy him, which is great, but I want you to be happy, and you’re never going to be happy if you keep bottling up all your feelings, so eat your breakfast. Eat your breakfast and then we’re going to talk. You’re going to talk, you’re going to yell at me, and you’re going to get all of those pent up emotions out of you, because from what I can remember from the conversation we had last night, you’re still desperately in love with Harry, and we should probably figure that out.” 

“I did more than just punch you in the face? I actually said something to you? I said something about Harry?” Zayn asks, groaning when Louis nods his head. He doesn’t remember the extent of what happened last night, nor does he remember why he showed up at Louis’ apartment, but he supposes that he should talk to Louis. He thinks he owes him the truth of how he’s been feeling, what he’s been going through, at least if there is any chance of the two of them salvaging their friendship. 

~~~ 

Zayn knows that he agreed to talk to Louis, and that he needs to talk to Louis, but now that the time has come, the two of them sitting in Louis’ living room, he’s unable to get his mind to do anything other than go completely blank. It’s been thirty minutes since they’ve finished eating, his headache is slowly starting to dull and he no longer feels like he’s going to get sick, but he still hasn’t said anything to Louis. 

Louis, for the most part, is waiting patiently for Zayn while he finishes his third cup of tea. Zayn’s pretty sure he’s only drinking it to make him feel better, like if Louis is doing something then it’s okay for him to not be talking. 

“Not to sound like your shrink or anything, but you could just start with how you’re feeling,” Louis says, resting his cup on his knee. “Or you could punch me again.” 

“No, I’ve done enough punching, I’m good,” Zayn says, rubbing his sweaty palms against the couch. “And I feel a little dizzy, not sure if it’s the hangover or if I’m just, you know, nervous about the fact that I’m… Well, I’m not really sure why I’m nervous, it’s just you.” 

“Just me,” Louis says, nodding his head. “Your best friend since your very first day of school.”

“Exactly, you’ve been my best friend since I was four years old, and you kissed the only person that I think I’ve ever loved,” Zayn says, turning to look at Louis. “Kind of why it’s a bit hard to talk to you.” 

“Ah, I did,” Louis says, wincing a little as he nods his head. 

“Why?” 

“Misery loves company,” Louis says, shrugging his shoulders. “I was misery and looking for company. Zayn, I’m an idiot, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness, which is fine, you know, like, not really, but I’d understand. And I’ve said it before, but I was heartbroken over Liam and you were so happy, and I’m the worst person in the world, because I couldn’t stand to know how happy and in love everyone was but me.” 

“It wasn’t only Harry who broke my heart that day, it was you too, and I have a giant, gaping hole in my chest from that night, and it’s the only thing I can think about. You hooked up with my boyfriend in a public bathroom, and broke my heart because your ex-boyfriend broke yours?” 

Louis laughs, shaking his head. “I never said my reason was a good one. You don’t have to like my reasoning, and it’ll never make the pain go away, but it’s all I’ve got to tell you about what happened from my end of things. I can’t say why Harry went along with it, I can only say why I went along with it, and that’s my reason. No matter how many times you ask me to repeat it, it’ll never change.”

Zayn nods his head slowly. “I can understand why you did it, I don’t like but I get it, you know? It’s hard when you’re upset and heartbroken, and everyone else is happy. I should have paid a bit more attention to making sure you were healing properly, and for that I’m sorry. I don’t like your reasoning, you’re right, but at least you have a reason. I don’t even know why Harry went along with it.”

“I’m sure whatever it is, you’ll forgive him. Or you’ll find a way to forgive him,” Louis says, studying the contents of his tea carefully.

“I’m not sure I can,” Zayn says, shaking his head. 

“Oh Zayn. Sometimes the people we love mess up, and they don’t do everything right. We’re reminded that they’re human in the most painful of ways,” Louis says, lifting his eyes up from his teacup to look at Zayn. “Sometimes the people we love hurt us, and it’s horrible, and it hurts. It hurts, but if you love them enough, then maybe you can find forgiveness and you can learn to move past the pain and the mistakes. You don’t have to ever forget what Harry did, but Zayn, you’d be out of your mind to let Harry go. Besides Niall, he’s the greatest person that could have ever happened to you, and I’d understand if you never wanted to see me again, but you can’t allow yourself to lose Harry.” 

“You’re such an idiot,” Zayn says, getting up from the couch and dropping down on Louis’ lap. “Unfortunately, for the both of us, you’re still my best friend, even if I’m spectacularly angry with you.” 

“You forgive people who don’t deserve it, Zayn. You always have,” Louis says, wrapping his arms around Zayn and resting his face on his shoulder. “I don’t deserve you as a friend.” 

“You deserve the world, Lou, even if you are a bit of an ass,” Zayn says, pinching Louis’ side playfully. 

“So do you, and that’s why you’re going to go over to Harry’s house later and you’re going to tell him everything that you’re thinking and feeling right now, but you have to promise that you’re going to be open-minded and you’re not going to be stubborn, you’re going to listen,” Louis says, pulling his head off of Zayn’s shoulder to look at him. 

“All right, I promise,” Zayn sighs out, nodding his head. “Now tell me about Liam, because we’ve got to do something about your broken heart before you kiss the wrong person’s boyfriend.” 

Louis laughs, his head falling back down to rest on Zayn’s shoulder.

~~~

Zayn knocks on Harry’s door instead of walking inside or using his key. He waits, listening to Harry’s voice through the door, telling Niall something that he can’t make out. The door swings open, and Harry looks surprised to see Zayn standing behind it.

“Did you forget your key?” Harry asks, pulling the door open a little wider to allow Zayn entrance. “It was locked, because the neighbor a few houses down was walking their dog and Niall thought it was the best time to try and bring Cat outside.”

“Why did you kiss Louis? We should probably talk more about what happened, but I don’t care about anything else, I just want to know why you kissed him that night,” Zayn says, skipping a greeting and going directly for what he wants to know, because he knows that if he doesn’t ask right away, he’ll sweep it under the rug and he’ll never ask. 

Harry stares at him, blinking slowly for a minute. He looks behind him for a second before he steps outside on the porch, pulling the door shut slightly, leaving a little gap, Zayn assumes so they can hear Niall. 

“What?” Harry asks. 

“Last night, after you left, I did something stupid, but it turned out not to be stupid because I took a taxi over to Louis’ house, and I punched him in the face,” Zayn says, talking quickly. 

“You punched Louis in the face?” Harry questions, his eyes wide. 

“Don’t interrupt me, please,” Zayn says, holding a hand up. “But yes, I hit him. Anyway, it turns out that I need to get piss drunk to talk about my feelings. Who knew, right? So this morning Louis sat me down, and we talked about what happened and everything, because if there is anything in the world that could have made me hate Louis is the fact that he hooked up with you, because, fuck, I’m in love you and we’ve got this weird little family going on, me, you and Niall, and he almost destroyed that. And sometimes it hits me like a train, you know? Like I’m in love with you, Harry.” 

“I love you, too,” Harry says, quickly and seamlessly. 

“No, please don’t interrupt. I have to get this out,” Zayn says, panting a little as he rushes to get everything out of him. “That’s why it hurts so badly, all the fucking time. It hurts. And that’s why I couldn’t just throw away our relationship, and why I kept bothering you with everything, like buying me groceries, watching Niall, and coming over when we were both sick.” 

“I want to do those things. You weren’t bothering me,” Harry interrupts, again. This time Zayn places his hand over his mouth, gently enough so he’s still breathing, but firm enough that he gets the point. 

“Anyway, I kept doing things because despite how terribly I was hurting, I was scared out of my mind that you’d move on, and then it would be like the ache in my chest would never stand a chance of going away, because it’s better to pretend we’re broken up than to be actually broken up. Which is another thing, we’re horrible at being ex-boyfriends, we really are,” Zayn huffs out, laughing under his breath. 

“And that’s the thing, I’m terrified of you, because I love you so much, and I’m scared of that and how much I feel like I need you. But not just me, Niall too, because he loves and needs you, we’re both dependent on you just to make our lives better. And I need to know why you kissed Louis, why you touched him, and why you cheated on me, because the only way I can ever really move on from it happening, is if you’re honest with me, and you tell me everything, because this entire thing has changed us as a couple, and as people. You’re shy and nervous, all the time. You doubt yourself, because you’re scared, and it’s entirely my fault, and I can’t live with myself knowing that I’ve changed you for the worst. The Harry I fell in love with was confident and sure of himself, and you knew what I needed you to be in every situation, and I’m selfish because I need that back. I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop being an idiot while you’re being an idiot, because I’m the idiot in our relationship, right?”

Zayn removes his hand slowly, nodding his head when Harry raises his eyebrow at him, silently asking if he’s allowed to start talking now. He takes a deep breath first, slowly releasing the air from his lungs. “You’re not an idiot, first of all. And you didn’t change me for the worst, I’m the one who fucked up, and I’m the one that’s being careful because I don’t want to push you. God, if blaming yourself for every little thing was a talent, you’d be the best at it,” Harry says, shaking his head. 

“Why did you kiss Louis?” Zayn asks, repeating himself again, because that’s the part of everything he said that he wants to focus on. 

“I don’t know,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders. “I’ve tried thinking about it, and I don’t know. I mean, maybe there’s a tiny part of me that’s just as scared of you as you are of me.” 

“Why would you be afraid of me?” Zayn questions. 

“What’s not to be afraid of, Zayn? We meet in a bar and then we’re already sleeping together, and I’m meeting your son, and it’s like, I couldn’t get enough of you. And I never thought about it, what it would mean dating someone with a child until Niall called me Daddy, and we both know how that turned out, don’t we? And I think maybe I still freak out about it sometimes, like most people have almost ten months to prepare for a child, possibly longer with adoption, and I just sort of stumbled into it one night in a bar, so yeah, you scare the living shit out of me. You’ve turned my entire world upside down, Zayn,” Harry says, releasing a deep breath. 

“And that’s why you kissed Louis?” 

“If I had to guess, yes. I think maybe I wanted to test and see what else is out there,” Harry says, looking ashamed of himself. 

“So you experimented with my best friend?” Zayn says, reminding himself that he told Louis he would be open minded about everything that Harry had to say. He takes a deep breath, focusing on pulling oxygen into his lungs and releasing it slowly. “Is this something that, um, you still want to know about?” 

“No,” Harry answers quickly and firmly. “Absolutely not. Never in my life do I want to know what else is out there. I could probably lean over the edge of my porch and throw up in the bushes if I think about kissing Louis. It was a one time mistake, one that I can promise on everything will never happen again, because this time away from you has only confirmed that this is what I want, you’re what I want. You and Niall.” 

Zayn looks at Harry for a moment, studying him carefully. It’s the worst excuse he’s ever heard, but he understands the fear that Harry’s talking about. He can understand, or so he thinks he could, how it would feel to have your life do a sudden transformation, to go from being single and worrying about yourself to having to think about someone else and a child as well. The reasoning doesn’t take the pain away, but it gives Zayn some kind of rational thought to work with in his mind instead of torturing himself with whatever idea he’s going to come up with next for why Harry cheated. 

Harry’s reasoning is Harry’s reasoning, and Zayn doesn’t have to like it or agree with it, but he does have to accept it. He remembers the words Louis spoke to him earlier, he remembers that sometimes the people we love mess up and remind us that they’re human in the most painful way possible, and Zayn thinks that particular part of it relates back to his relationship with Harry and what’s happened, but he also remembers Louis telling him that he can’t lose Harry, so he takes another deep breath and leans forward, not giving any warning as he presses his lips against Harry’s. 

It’s short, and barely the brushing of their lips together, but he kisses him, forcing himself to pull away before it goes any further. Pulling away, Harry is staring at him, his eyes wide and his mouth dropping slightly open. 

“Did you just kiss me?” Harry questions. “Because I’ve been daydreaming about this for a while, and if you say no, I’m prepared to drop to the ground and cry, so please say yes, if only to spare me the embarrassing crying.” 

Zayn smiles and shakes his head, pulling away from Harry. “I kissed you, and I’m not sparing your feelings.” 

“Why did you kiss me?” 

“I wouldn’t kiss you yesterday because the last person you kissed wasn’t me, but I realized the only way that’s going to change was if I kissed you. So I kissed you because I wanted to, and also because this is the first step towards getting back to where we were before, because if I’m ever going to get over the fact that the last person you kissed wasn’t me, I should probably change it, right?” 

“You should do it again, because I’m still not sure this is real,” Harry says, blinking slowly. 

“You’re weird,” Zayn says before he leans forward and kisses Harry again, just as quickly as he did before. 

“Holy shit,” Harry breathes. “So this is like, we’re not okay, but we’re going to try and move forward? Is that what we’re doing?”

“That’s what we’re doing,” Zayn confirms, smiling at him. “Now, can I see my son?” 

It’s at that moment that Harry’s front door swings open, Niall’s curious face staring up at them until he sees Zayn and smiles. “Baba!”

“Harry,” Zayn says, looking down at Niall. “What is my son wearing?” He tears his eyes away from Niall, the little boy wearing a pale green button up with only the bottom two buttons done, half his pale chest exposed, and bright yellow shorts on as well, reminiscent of the ones Harry swims in. 

“About that,” Harry says, huffing out a laugh. “He picked out his own clothing, I just did as I was told.”

“Niall, what are you wearing?” Zayn asks, kneeling down on the ground to give Niall a hug and a kiss. 

“Like Daddy,” Niall says, pulling away from Zayn and pointing at the bare part of his chest, the area exposed due to lack of buttons. 

Zayn raises an eyebrow, glancing up to look at Harry. “I’m guessing you did his hair?” Zayn asks, playing with the ends of Niall’s hair that are sticking out of his tiny ponytail. 

“I don’t really remember,” Harry lies, smiling brightly at Zayn. 

“Daddy do,” Niall says, nodding his head and pointing towards the little bit of Harry sticking up on his head. 

“Why don’t you ever want to dress and look like Baba?” Zayn asks, lifting Niall up and carrying him into the house, Harry following closely behind them.


	36. Chapter 36

Zayn wakes up to a mouthful of fur, orange fur to be exact, or so he sees as he pulls his face away slowly. He watches Cat glare at him in distaste, the feline looking unimpressed with him as he stands up and stretches, back pulled up into a perfect arc before lazily walks across the pillow. Zayn leans back, watching him carefully as he curls up next to Niall, his head resting on the boys shoulder. Zayn shakes his head at the sight, carefully stretching out his body so he doesn’t wake up Niall, before he curls back up around him. 

The other side of the bed is empty, Harry’s body removed from it, leaving behind wrinkles in the sheets and the faintest feeling of warmth when Zayn stretches his legs out and rests his feet where Harry’s legs were when he fell asleep. The house is quiet for the most part, his and Niall’s breathing, along with Cat’s purring the only noise penetrating the air. He’s not worried about where Harry is or if he’s even here. 

It had been slightly awkward going to sleep in the same bed as Harry without Niall lying between them. He’s here now, exactly when that happened he’s not sure. The stuck to their own sides of the bed instead of curling around each other like they used to. Zayn needs baby steps, instead of being thrown back into the way things were before. 

He brushes his fingers through Niall’s hair, twirling his fingers around in the mousy stands. Zayn’s still not sure if he did the right thing by forgiving both Harry and Louis, but the tightening in his chest has lessened, and he was able to get through the night without waking up in a cold sweat from a dream about Harry with someone else, anyone and everyone but him. He feels a burden lifted from his shoulders, and that’s enough for him, at least right now. He’s still confused on a lot of things, so many questions running through his mind, but he needs to get his life back together again. And if he doesn’t forgive them now, then he’s not sure when he’s end up forgiving them. 

Louis is his best friend, and he’s been in his life for twenty years. He’s not someone that Zayn can throw away, no matter the severity of what he did with Harry. He needs Louis in his life, not only him, but Niall as well. Zayn can’t imagine his life without Louis. A part of him, the size unknown, is still angry with his best friend for his actions, but forgiveness isn’t necessarily about understanding why Louis did what he did, not in this case, but rather, Zayn trying to get his life back together. 

And then there’s Harry, who at the end of the day, is the first person that Zayn has ever loved in the way he does. He’s the first person to ever feel the same, or to hold on so deeply to his connection with Zayn. He’s one of the few people in his life that Zayn believes are his. And not in the form of ownership, but rather that he’s someone that wants and needs Zayn in his life without only being there because of someone else. Zayn’s struggled his entire life to get anyone besides Louis to stay long enough to mean something to him, and Harry’s the first person to want to do that. And just like with Louis, both he and Niall need Harry in their lives. Zayn would be foolish to throw it all away, which is the reason for him granting forgiveness. 

Zayn loves Harry, despite how often he forgets to remind the other boy, and forgiveness is the only way to give himself peace of mind, and to allow himself the opportunity of living his life with his son in the way that he should, being happy instead of constantly fighting the gnawing ache in his chest. 

He didn’t forgive Harry and Louis for them, he forgave them for himself, and it’s an odd realization for him that he’s allowing himself to have something amazing instead of fighting it like he normally does. He hopes as the days creep by that he’s able to hold onto the good feeling he has at the moment, lying in Harry’s bed with Niall next to him. 

Zayn settles back against Harry’s bed, content on lying here for a few more moments before he seeks out his boyfriend. 

~~~

Zayn finds Harry a short while later, sitting on the back deck with a sleeping Kitty in his lap. He’s running his fingers through her fur, her purrs drifting through the air, loud enough for Zayn to hear it as he steps outside and takes the seat next to Harry. He sits in silence, content on not saying anything as he gazes out at Harry’s yard. 

It’s one of his favorite things about Harry’s house, the big yard. It’s one of the few things he’s not able to give Niall on his own, the ability to swim in a giant pool any time he pleases, or to run around in the grass without taking him to a park. It’s large enough for an array of different activities that Zayn will never take part in, or at least this early in the morning, like when Niall and Harry run the span of the grass, kicking the ball around. He stares off in the distance, watching the wind move the tops of the trees that line the edge of Harry’s yard. He wonders, briefly, if Harry’s properly line spans further than he can see. He doesn’t ask though, instead he pulls his legs up, wrapping his arms around them and turns to look at Harry, his cheek resting on his knee. 

“You weren’t in bed this morning,” he says, matter of fact. 

Harry nods his head slowly, his finger still stroking Kitty’s fur. “I figured you’d need some time to yourself. I didn’t want to crowd you. And I was woken up by Niall tossing Cat on my face, couldn’t fall asleep afterwards.”

Zayn smiles despite himself, happy to know that Harry is also working on going back to how he was before, always picking up on things that Zayn needed and wanted before he could get a chance to vocalize them. “I’d say you’re right,” he says, turning his head so he’s staring at the trees against instead of looking at Harry. 

“Have you been awake long? I could make breakfast, if you’re hungry.” 

“No. I think I lied in bed for a half an hour. I wanted to have a cuddle with Niall, but it was a bit hard with Cat lying on him, glaring at me when I got too close to him. I’m not sure your cats really like me,” he says, laughing quietly. 

“I think of them as our cats,” Harry says, and Zayn turns to look at him. Harry is staring down at Kitty, the cat slowly waking up. “But at any rate, I think Cat only likes Niall now. I never see him unless Niall’s here, and then it’s like he’s everywhere.” 

“They’re interesting animals you bought,” Zayn says, taking a deep breath as he shifts positions, pulling his legs underneath himself. 

“You really want to talk about the cats?” Harry asks, standing up from his seat to carry Kitty back in the house. Zayn watches as he pulls open the door, setting the cat down on the floor before he pulls the screen over, letting it block the exit from the cat instead of the door, allowing them the ability to hear Niall if he wakes up. 

“We could talk about last night,” Zayn says, biting his lip as he watches Harry move back to his seat, sitting down and nodding his head. 

“All right. Are you still all right with what happened?” 

“Do you mean am I all right with happened between you and Louis? Or do you mean am I okay with forgiving you? Because no, I’m not fully okay with what happened, and yes, I am okay with forgiving you.”

“No,” Harry says, shaking his head and turning to look at Zayn. “I meant are you still all right with the fact that you kissed me. Do you regret it?”

“No, I don’t regret that, Harry,” Zayn says, wishing there wasn’t an end table between them so he could drop his down on Harry’s shoulder. Screw it, he thinks, standing up from his chair and taking a few short steps to Harry’s chair. He pauses only briefly; moving Harry’s hands from his lap, only replace them with his body. He settles against him, resting his head against Harry’s shoulder and wrapping the arm not pressed between his and Harry’s bodies on top of his other shoulder. 

Harry wraps his arms around him easily, one hand resting on his hip as the other settles against his thigh. He releases a deep breath, the air of it fanning across Zayn’s face before he feels Harry’s head drop down to rest against his own. “I’ve missed you, you know,” Harry says quietly, the words only meant to be heard by Zayn and Zayn alone. 

“I know you did,” Zayn says, releasing a deep breath. “You know I’m still not over it, right? Like, we can’t go back to how we were before, not yet. I know you probably know that, but I feel like I have to say out loud to remind myself to hold back, and to remind you not to push too far. And I’ll probably give you a lot of mixed signals, but please be patient with me.” 

“I know that, Zayn,” Harry says, releasing a deep breath. “I’m not going to push you into anything.”

“I’m sorry,” Zayn says, lifting his head of Harry’s shoulder to look at his face. “I’m trying.”

“It’s nothing you should be sorry about,” Harry says, always a little too reasonable with Zayn. “I’ll follow your cues. You wanted to spend the night, and I made sure to stay on my side of the bed. I knew you’d need a moment to yourself this morning, so I came out here. I’m not going to push you, and I’m going to respect what you’re doing and how you’re feeling about our relationship.” 

Zayn sighs, taking a deep breath and shaking his head. “You understand today, let’s just hope that continues.” 

“Nope,” Harry says, patting Zayn on his thigh. “No negativity, sorry. I’m not allowing any of those thoughts. What we’re going to do is remain positive while you go and wake the baby, and I make breakfast.”

“All right,” Zayn agrees, swinging his legs off Harry’s lap and standing up carefully, stretching his arms high in the air as Harry stands up, pecking him on the cheek before he disappears inside. 

~~~ 

“Baba is going to do something, and you have to trust me, okay?” Zayn says, picking Niall up and setting him down so he’s standing on the closed lid of the toilet. He turns his back on him, plugging the hair dryer in and grabbing the brush he left at Harry’s for his hair. 

“What you do?” Niall asks, staring at him as he stands there in just his diaper. 

“Baba is going to do your hair today,” he says, flicking the blow dryer on and aiming it towards Niall’s hair. Grabbing the brush, he works it through Niall’s hair, brushing it up as he directs the air towards the hair. He’s never done this for anyone else, but it works easily enough for his own hair. Niall’s staring up at him, his eyes crossed as he tries to watch what Zayn’s doing. 

“Baba, it hot,” Niall says, trying to pull away. Zayn nods his head and slides the button down to make the air a little cooler. 

“It’s not much longer, sweetheart. You’re going to look so handsome, just like Baba,” Zayn says. “Just like Baba.” 

He’s forced Harry to stay downstairs, telling him to clean up breakfast and that he’s only allowed upstairs to take his own shower and get dressed. Zayn heard him come upstairs, heard the water running from Harry’s bath while Niall was still in the tub. And he checked to make sure the coast was clear before he rushed into Niall’s room for a diaper and an outfit. Surprisingly, Niall doesn’t have many outfits that look like clothes Zayn owns. But he managed to find a pair of jean shorts and a black shirt, something that Zayn knows he can borrow from Harry. 

“Not Baba,” Niall says, trying to push Zayn’s hands away. “Like Daddy.”

Zayn rolls his eyes, fighting down annoyance. He wants to ask Niall what’s so great about Harry’s hair and his clothes. He wants to point out that Harry’s hair is too long, his ends dead, not like he’s paid them much attention, and not like Niall will know what any of that means. But it’s something; Zayn keeps up with his routine hair trim, unlike Harry. He also wants to point out that Harry doesn’t know how to work buttons, and his shorts are two inches away from showing the bottom of his ass. But again, that’s not something Niall will care about or understand. And, if Zayn’s being honest, despite how ridiculous Harry can look at times, he still loves the boy more than he cares to admit. 

So Zayn understands why Niall might want to look and act like Harry, he loves him, but it doesn’t stop the annoyance because he’s Baba, and Niall should inherently want to look and act like Zayn. “Did I say look like Baba? I meant just like Daddy,” Zayn lies, continuing to work the brush and blow dryer over Niall’s hair. He’s almost finished, turning the dryer off and working some gel into Niall’s hair to hold it in place. 

It’s not his best work, but Niall’s hair looks closer to his than it does normally, and today his hair is styled rather than lying flat across his forehead, and this is the way that he wants Niall to look. He looks adorable, and Zayn has to fight the urge to hold him close and demand that he never grows up. “You look wonderful.”

“Like Daddy?” Niall asks, looking at Zayn seriously with his eyebrows knitted together. 

“It looks exactly like Daddy’s hair,” Zayn lies, picking Niall up and carrying him out of the room before he can glance in the mirror and see that his hair is standing up like his rather than Harry’s. 

He takes Niall into his bedroom, getting him dressed quickly into the outfit he laid out before he sets him down on the bed, examining his work and smiling proudly. 

“Stay here while Baba gets dressed, okay?” Zayn says, leaving Niall in his room so he can rush into Harry’s bedroom. He grabs a pair of his own jeans from the drawer he’s taken over in Harry’s dresser, sliding them onto his body, leaving the button undone while he rummages through his closet for a shirt. He’s pleasantly surprised to find a black shirt folded neatly in the back, black with a red bandana-like pattern across the front. It doesn't look like something Harry would wear, and he knows that he won’t care if he wears it, so he slips it on, smoothing it down his torso before he buttons his jeans. 

“All right,” Zayn says, reentering Niall’s bedroom. “Are you ready to go find Daddy so we can go to the zoo?” 

“Yes,” Niall shouts, jumping off the bed and into Zayn’s arms. They find Harry outside, standing in the middle of the yard. Zayn opens the door for Niall after he helps him into a pair of shoes and slips on his own. 

Niall rushes across the yard, letting go of Zayn’s hand when he reaches the bottom of the short steps. Zayn follows behind, taking his time as he watches Niall point to his hair, Harry nodding his head vigorously at whatever it is Niall is saying. 

“What are you wearing?” Zayn asks, the words spilling out of his mouth when he takes in Harry’s skinny jeans, flannel shirt with the top three buttons undone. It’s not the outfit that Zayn finds himself glaring at, but rather, what can only be described as a tan cowboy hat on top of his head. “Are we going to the rodeo?” 

“Hey,” Harry says, reaching up to grab the hat on his head. “This is stylish.” 

“You look like a farmer. You’re standing in your front lawn, watering can in hand, watering your flowers while wearing that hat. That’s not stylish.”

“Oh please, look at your shirt.”

“I found this in your closet,” Zayn says, smirking at Harry. 

Harry’s mouth closes, his eyes narrowing as he stares at the shirt on Zayn’s chest. He dumps a bit more water onto the plants before he passes the canister to Niall, instructing him to finish watering for him. “I look amazing,” he says, turning to face Zayn again, a teasing smile playing out across his face. 

“You do, but the hat is a bit much. I’m not sure you should match your shoes with your hat. We’re going to the zoo, you look a bit ridiculous,” Zayn says, reaching up and flicking the brim of Harry’s hat. “Cute, but ridiculous.” 

“If I promise to change my clothes, you have to change yours,” Harry says. “I promise to still look cute when I’ve changed.”

Zayn rolls his eyes, shoving the brim of the hat so it falls down Harry’s face. “You don’t have to change. I was only teasing you, I’m sorry if you thought I was being serious. I don’t understand your choice in clothes, but they make you happy, so I’m not going to make you get changed.”

“I know,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders. “As long as you’re not trying to break up with me again, I don’t really care what you say to me.”

Zayn laughs, shaking his head. “You’re something else, Harry,” Zayn says, releasing a deep breath. “But I was just teasing, just so you know.” 

“I know it was. Come on, let’s get changed,” Harry says, taking Niall’s hand and then Zayn’s, walking the two of them towards the house. 

They all head inside to change, Harry making his way towards the laundry room to root through his clean clothes in the dryer while Zayn takes Niall upstairs. He sticks to his matching theme with Niall, dressing him a white shirt before he heads into Harry’s room to put on one of his. 

When they make it downstairs, Harry is waiting for them on the front porch, whistling as he swings his keys around on his finger. Zayn rolls his eyes when he sees him; white shirt lay out across his body just like the ones that he and Niall are wearing. 

“I’m not changing again,” Harry says, lifting Niall up in his arms. “We look like a proper family, one of those cute ones that takes pictures together. We should skip the zoo and hire a photographer.” 

“No,” Niall says, shaking his head and placing his hand over Harry’s mouth. 

“Thank you, Niall,” Zayn sighs, winking at Harry. He locks the front door and follows his son and boyfriend to the car. He has to take a deep breath, reminding himself again that everything is okay, that he’s okay and that it’s okay to be working towards repairs with Harry. He has to remind himself not to freak out before he climbs into the passenger seat, ready to spend the day with his family.


	37. Chapter 37

Zayn feels nervous as he walks the final stretch to the diner. He hasn’t been to work since he left Niall there to hang out with Louis during his lunch break while he went to the store. It feels awkward being in his work uniform and walking through town. Harry’s back at work as well, finally getting back into his routine after his forced leave and when he took off for Zayn’s hospital stay. 

He pushes the door open to the diner, waving to the older couple that always seems to be there as soon as the doors open. He shuffles into the back, grabbing his apron off the hook and looking around for Louis. He doesn’t appear to be in yet, someone else standing behind the stoves and cooking orders. Zayn watches him for a minute before steps out to take his place behind the counter. 

Zayn’s been working here for years but he feels new all of sudden, like everything has changed since he’s been gone. Even though it’s still the same place, the same little corner behind the register with the same hole in the wall that allows him to see Louis rushing in through the back. 

Louis waves at him before he shoves the person out from behind the stove as he gets to work. Zayn laughs at him before he reaches under the counter to grab his sketchbook and pencils, the ones he keeps there to kill time. He flips it open, skipping past all the completed drawings of Niall before he finds a clean sheet and gets to work, drawing a picture of his son from memory instead of watching patron’s eat until they decide to come pay. 

~~~ 

“Put that away and come eat.” Zayn glances up to see Louis waving two bowls in the air and setting them down at their usual booth. “Put that away and get us something to drink, and then come eat.” 

“Give me a second,” Zayn mumbles, finishing the shading of Niall’s jaw, working the pencil across the paper with a familiar ease that’s come with drawing him for so long. 

“What don’t you ever draw me?” Louis asks, and Zayn looks up to see that he’s leaning across the counter instead of at the booth. 

“You’re not cute,” Zayn answers easily, closing his sketchpad and smiling at Louis. “And since you’re already up, you get us something to eat. I’m hungry.” He makes his way to the booth, sliding in easily as Louis stares at him for a moment before he heads to back for their beverages. 

Louis slides into the booth a minute later, sliding a cup across the table and taking a huge bite of his meal, groaning in satisfaction when the food hits his tongue. “The place down the street has the best food,” he says, chewing with his mouth open.  
Zayn looks at him, his lip curled up for a second before he shakes his head. “You’re gross, close your mouth. My son knows how to eat better than you.”

Louis rolls his eyes, making a show of closing his mouth. “How are things going with you and Harry?” Louis asks when he’s finished chewing, taking another bite of food when he finishes his statement. 

“They’re going,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, it’s easy to fall back into things, we were hardly broken up anyway. If anything it just confirmed how even when we’re not together, we’re really together.” Zayn sighs, shaking his head “I think the problem now is me, I’m trying to still work over my issues with what happened.”

“Harry’s not going anywhere,” Louis says, staring at Zayn like he’s an idiot. “I’m fairly certain that you could take fifty years to work out your issues and he’s still be there, probably taking care of your grandkids by them.”

“Oh god. Please don’t make me think about Niall as an adult. Nope, I can’t do it. Change of subject, please. How are things with you and Liam?” Zayn asks, looking at Louis as he takes a bit of his lunch, chewing carefully. “How did your talk go? Anything change between you?”

“We’re, you know,” Louis says, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s the same as it has been. I don’t think us trying to talk really changed anything.” 

“You don’t know that,” Zayn says, trying to make Louis feel better. “Liam still loves you. He punched Harry in the face for you.” 

“He punched Harry in the face for you, just like you punched me in the face for him.”

“No,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “I definitely punched you in the face for myself, he had nothing to do with it. Liam loves you, he really does. It’s just hard, you have to work for it, and you both need to sit down and talk about how you’re going to compromise and make it so that you’re both happy.” 

“That’s really not going to happen,” Louis says

“And why not?”

Louis frowns, staring down at the table as he says, “He’s going on a date tonight with some girl, Sophia or something equally prissy.”

“Are you kidding me?” Zayn asks, staring at Louis in shock. “Are you serious?” 

“I wish I was kidding,” Louis admits miserably. “He sat there and listened to me pour my heart out to him and then said that he had a date with some girl.”

“Tell him to fucking cancel it,” Zayn blurts out, not phased at all by the fact that they’re at work and he’s practically shouting. He doesn’t know why he’s angry, but he does know that now that he’s trying to work his life out, everyone else was supposed to do the same, and Liam meeting some girl is ruining everything that Zayn had planned out in his head. 

“I can’t do that, he’s happy. He’s trying to move on, it would be selfish of me to try and force him to not explore the options that he has. I’m not stupid to think that no one but me wants Liam Payne, look at him.” 

“That’s bullshit, he shouldn’t have tried talking to you to see where your relationship could go if he was going to do that. God, he makes me mad. I’m going over to his apartment later. I’ll talk to him, don’t worry about it,” Zayn says, taking an angry bite of his food and nodding at Louis. 

“You don’t have to do that, Zayn,” Louis says, shaking his head as he takes a sip of his water. 

“I’m working on moving forward and accepting happiness, and I can’t have the people around me being unhappy, so I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands. I don’t even know what I’m doing with my relationship with Harry, but I’m going to talk to Liam for you, don’t try to talk me out of it,” Zayn says, fixing Louis with a stern look, the same when he gives Niall sometimes, or Harry when they’re doing something that Zayn doesn’t like. 

“That’s really nice of you, Zayn. But um, if you’re going to do that, then I have to tell you something,” Louis says, gnawing on his bottom lip. He looks nervous and scared and it causes Zayn’s stomach to sink down further into his body, to knot up and twist around wildly. His hands shake as he sets his drink down on the table. 

“What is it about?” Zayn asks, squeezing his thigh, trying to anchor himself. 

“It’s about what happened between me and Harry,” he says carefully, looking at Zayn like he might break. 

“I don’t want to hear it,” Zayn says, shaking his head, unable to stop once he starts. “I don’t want to know, please don’t tell me. I’m trying to move on from what happened, please don’t set me back.” 

“I have to tell you,” Louis pushes. “I know that it’s, um, something you want to get over, but I’ve been keeping certain details from you and if we’re going to move on from it, and you’re sure that you want to continue with my friendship, then I have to tell you.” 

“Okay,” he says, clenching his hands into fists, taking a deep breath and nodding his head. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

Louis takes a deep breath before he talks, inhaling slowly before he lets it out. “I made Harry kiss me in the bathroom. I made Harry take it further than we should have.” 

“What does that mean?” Zayn asks, feeling his mind go blank as confusion washes over him. 

“It means that I followed Harry into the bathroom, and I convinced Harry that he should, you know, hook up with me while he was in there.”

“How?” 

Louis takes another deep breath, rubbing his thumb along the edge of the table. “I lied to him. I was telling him how I was mad at you while he peed; not exactly appropriate bathroom etiquette but we were both drunk. Anyway, like I told you before, I was mad and I wanted to lash out and, it’s so fucking stupid, Zayn. But I told him that you asked me to kiss him. I said that you wanted it to happen. It took a while, it’s not like he’s stupid, but he was plastered, and I just said that you were probably going to break up with him if he didn’t. And then, um, when it was over, I said that he had to forget it happened, and he couldn’t tell you. So we stayed into the bathroom until he understand what I was saying and he started talking about something.” 

Zayn stares at Louis, his hands still clenched at his sides, resting on the seat of the booth as he stares blankly ahead, blinking slowly and trying to process the information. It’s still like a knife to his chest, the reminder that his best friend and boyfriend hooked up, and it’s even more twisted finding out that it happened because Harry believed it would make Zayn happy. It’s all so fucked up, and Zayn needs a minute to himself, needs to figure out how to get his breath to stop coming out in short, quick gasps. 

“Zayn?” Louis questions, looking at him, his expression worried. 

Zayn holds his hand up, stopping Louis from saying anything else. “I just-“ He cuts himself off, sliding out of the booth. “I need a minute.”

He steps outside, shoving open the diner door and takes a deep breath, breathing in the fresh air from outside, side stepping out of people’s way as they make their where to wherever they’re going. He stops at the edge of the sidewalk, leaning down to rest his hands on his knees as he breathes. He focuses on calming himself down, trying to remember that he’s taken the step to move past what happened, and that he made a promise to himself that he’s going to work towards being happy. 

He gets why Louis told him, he does, but a part of him wishes that he had said anything, because he doesn’t know what to do with the information. He’s angry, something that he feels is completely justified, but he needs a moment to process it all in his head so he doesn’t react the way he did in the club. He refuses to go without Louis and Harry for any longer. 

Taking one last deep breath, Zayn head backs into the diner, sliding into the booth easily and looking at Louis. “You’re an asshole,” he says, watching as Louis nods his head. 

“I know, I’m so sorry.” 

“Shut up for a second,” Zayn says, holding up a hand to silence his friend. “You’re an asshole, and I’d like to punch you in the face again, but I’ve already forgiven you, and I stand by what I just said, I don’t want to hear it. It makes no sense, not even a little bit, but I’m trying to move past this, so any other secrets you have tucked away, throw them out. I don’t want to hear them, if they’re about this, if they’re about something else then keep them.” 

“Okay,” Louis says, nodding his head. “I just wanted you to know, and it does make sense, I mean, if you know Harry at all. He’d do anything to please you and make you happy, I took advantage of that and that’s why I had to tell you, because even if you were angrier with me, you might be able to get over what Harry did a little easier. Because in some sick twisted way, Harry did it for you.” 

“Harry’s such an idiot,” Zayn says fondly, smiling at Louis. “And you’re very manipulative.” 

Louis sighs, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I never again want to discuss what happened in that bathroom,” Zayn says, the words flowing out of his mouth easily, despite knowing that it’s going to still be talked about. 

~~~ 

Zayn steps into Harry’s house, dropping his things on the ground next to the door, not worried about as he tries to find Harry and Niall. 

“Harry?” Zayn calls, walking through the living room into the kitchen, breaking out into a smile when he sees his boyfriend. 

“You’re home ear-“ The end of his sentence is lost in a kiss, the one that Zayn surges forward to get, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck and pulling him in, kissing him with more force than he did the last time around.

Harry’s hands find his waist, gripping onto him and pulling away slowly, blinking even slower as he opens his eyes, looking down at Zayn. 

“What was that for?” Harry asks, 

Zayn smiles at him, shrugging his shoulders as he plays with the hair on the back of Harry’s neck, rubbing the skin gently. “You’re great,” he says, unsure if he wants to tell Harry that he’s kissing him because he’s relieved to know that Harry isn’t harboring secret feelings for Louis, but rather a strange and strong desire to keep Zayn content.

“You’re happy,” Harry states, gripping onto Zayn’s waist. “And not like I’m complaining, but do you want to tell me why you just tried to kiss my face off?” 

“Where’s Niall?” Zayn asks, avoiding Harry’s questions as he glances around the bit of house that he can see, searching for his son. 

“Niall’s taking a nap.” 

“This late?” 

“Trust me, it’s for the best. Apparently he didn’t take one at day care, and then he became extremely whiny and angry, crying over everything and throwing his stuffed lion across the room. I told him that he had to do time out in his bed and he had to lie down and not make a sound until I came up to get him, and barely five minutes later he was fast asleep, unknown to the fact that I was peeking through the crack in the door watching him,” Harry explains. 

“How very smart of you,” Zayn says, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck a little tighter. 

“Are you going to answer my question about why you’re so happy with me?” Harry asks, a hint of a smile on his face. 

“How was work?” Zayn asks, stepping forward and forcing Harry to walk backwards, he guides them towards the couch, listening as Harry tells him about his day. 

“It was lovely and positively boring. I’m in between clients, which means no song writing, no recording, no producing, nothing. I don’t even know what I did today, it was that awful, until the afternoon when I helped Nick out for a bit until I had to get Niall,” he says, huffing when Zayn pushes him down onto the couch. “Do I want to know what's going on?” 

Zayn crawls into Harry’s lap, much like he did the other morning, except this time he’s facing forward, Harry’s thighs trapped between his own as he wraps his arms around his neck once more. “You didn’t want to hook up with Louis,” he says, watching as Harry looks up at him in confusion, his eyebrows pulling together at Zayn’s words. 

“Well, yeah, I’ve been saying that.” 

“No, I spoke to Louis today and he says that you hooked up with him because he said that it’s what I wanted you to do. He told you that if you two kissed and stuff,” he says, unable to say the other action, unable to say physically it in reference to Harry doing it with someone else. “He said that it would make me happy

“So I was wrong when I guessed why it happened? It was Louis?”

“Yup,” Zayn confirms. 

Harry frowns at him, his bottom lip jutted out while his eyes knit together. He looks grumpy, like Niall when Zayn tells him no. “Why didn’t Louis say this sooner?” 

“I think he was scared to,” Zayn says reasonably, sitting back a little further on Harry’s lap, Harry’s grip tightening on his hips. “He was already worried that I wasn’t going to be his friend anymore after it, so I doubt he wanted to make it worse for himself.”

“Are you angry with him?” Harry asks, looking up at Zayn, his expression still grumpy and serious. 

“A little bit, but I really want to get over what happened and if I allow myself to be angry about this, then I probably wouldn’t be sitting on your lap right now,” Zayn says, nodding his head once before he shrugs his shoulders. “I want to be happy, Harry.”

“He took advantage of me,” Harry says, frowning once more. “And how drunk was to believe such a horrible lie? How dumb am I?”

“Very dumb,” Zayn confirms. 

“Hey, Zayn,” Harry whines, pouting at him, causing Zayn to laugh. “I’m being serious. Are you sure that you’re not angry about this? Do you want to talk about it a bit? I mean, even if you’re not angry, you probably want to vent your feelings, right? Or we could talk about how stupid of a drunk I am.” 

“You’re cute when you’re grumpy,” Zayn says, leaning forward to kiss Harry. “Of course it makes me mad, and of course I think you’re stupid for believing it, but I told you, I want to get over what happened. I don’t want to dwell on it. Please let me do that. And, more importantly, we’ve got a toddler upstairs that could wake up any minute, and I’m sitting in your lap, instead of talking about Louis or how dumb you were to believe him, maybe you could you know, put your mouth to better use by kissing me?” 

Harry doesn’t reply, instead he does what he’s told, leaning forward and capturing Zayn’s lips in a kiss, sucking on his bottom lip before his tongue slips into Zayn’s mouth. 

Kissing Harry is everything that Zayn remembers it to be, chipping away at the hollow, heavy ache in Zayn’s chest from the cheating ordeal. It settles deep inside of him, pulling him back down to Earth and reminding him that things haven’t changed between them, and reassuring him that he’ll be able to get over what happened. 

He slides his hands from the back of Harry’s neck to his jaw, feeling as it moves beneath his touch as they kiss and he holds on, tilting Harry’s head up slightly to change the angle, allowing him to push forward, sitting closer to Harry while Harry wraps his arms around him tightly, holding Zayn as close as he can. 

Harry’s kissing him like he’s in love and trying to prove it to Zayn, an urgency to it that makes Zayn’s head spin as he kisses back, curling his tongue around Harry’s and relishing in the quiet noises escaping Harry’s mouth.


	38. Chapter 38

Zayn pulls away from the kiss, his head spinning as Harry leaves a trail of kisses down his jaw, working his way towards his neck. 

“We have to go to Liam’s,” Zayn says, trying to pull away, a task proven difficult when Harry’s arms tighten around him. 

“Why’s that?” Harry asks, ceasing his kissing for a moment to speak before he dives back into it, teeth dragging across Zayn’s skin. 

“He’s going on a date tonight, apparently. Some girl, or so Louis says,” Zayn explains, tilting his chin up, giving Harry more access to his neck. 

“Sophia, yeah,” Harry says, wrapping his hand around the back of Zayn’s neck, pulling him back into a kiss. 

Zayn feels like he’s created a monster, Harry doesn’t seem like he’s able to stop kissing Zayn now that he’s started. And Zayn understands, it’s been a while, and he kisses Harry back for a moment before he pulls away, tugging gently at Harry’s curls. “You knew about this?” 

Harry leans back, breathing heavily, his plump pink lips swollen and raw from kissing and Zayn biting them. He takes the hand from around Zayn’s neck and brushes his fingers through his hair, trying to smooth it down. He’s got a hand on Zayn’s hips, thumb stroking circles into his skin, his fingers spanning down to his inner thigh. It’s distracting, but Zayn waits, trying to ignore when Harry drops the hand from his hair down to his other side, gripping his hips like he’s afraid that Zayn is going to get up and leave him on the couch. 

Zayn raises an eyebrow and Harry sighs. “I didn’t know he wanted to date her. I mean, I’ve hardly seen him or spoken to him since he punched me, but he mentioned her a few times, and then when I asked who she was, he kind of froze and changed the subject.” 

“And you didn’t mention this because?” Zayn asks, pushing back so he’s not sitting as close to Harry as he was before. 

“Because it’s hard to remember that I had something to tell you when your tongue is in my mouth and you’re grinding against my lap,” Harry replies, a crooked grin playing at his features, his thumbs digging into Zayn’s skin. 

“Well, we’re going to go over there and talk to him,” Zayn says, moving his hands down to cover Harry’s slowly loosening his grip so he can stand up. Harry whines at the loss of weight on his thighs, but it doesn’t last long before he’s gripping onto Zayn’s hips and tugging him down on the couch, forcing him to lie on his back. “What are you doing?” Zayn asks, watching as Harry climbs over him, straddling his waist. 

“I’m going to kiss you until Niall wakes up,” Harry explains, punctuating each word with a kiss to Zayn’s body, starting at his exposed collarbone and slowly working his way up. Zayn follows his movements, sees the swipe of his tongue along his bottom lip as he hovers over Zayn. “You said to put my mouth to better use and that’s what I’m doing.” 

Zayn barely has time to nod his head before Harry’s lips are pressed against his, tongue sliding across his mouth as a heavy sigh escapes Harry’s lips. He knows they don’t have much time before Niall wakes up, so he pushes Liam to the back of his mind and focuses on kissing Harry. 

~~~ 

“Do you think he’s still here?” Zayn asks, knocking his fist against’ Liam’s door. “I promised Louis that I’d talk to him.” 

“No one goes out to dinner at four in the afternoon, babe, he’s probably still here,” Harry replies, still making his way to the door. He’s got Niall in his arms, the toddler resting his head against Harry’s shoulder. He still looks tired, only having been awake for twenty minutes. 

Zayn raises his fist in the air, he’s ready to knock again but stops short when the door opens to reveal a shirtless Liam, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. He rolls his eyes when he sees Zayn, pulling the door open further. “I had a feeling you’d be making an appearance today,” he says, closing the door when everyone is inside. He leans forward to kiss Niall on the cheek. “You okay, Ni?” 

“Hungry,” Niall replies, yawning as he pulls his face out of Harry’s neck to look around Liam’s apartment. 

“Kitchen’s stocked, help yourself,” Liam says, motioning towards the other room. “I need to finish getting ready.” 

“I’ll join you,” Zayn says, following behind Liam. “Harry, don’t give him anything filling, okay? I don’t want his appetite ruined for dinner. Nothing sweet either, please.” 

“Got it,” Harry calls after him, his voice hushed as Zayn and Liam disappear into his bedroom. 

Zayn doesn’t bother closing the door behind him; he leaves it open, not worried about hiding anything from Niall because he knows that Harry will keep him occupied, or he’ll at least have the decency to shout if they’re approaching. 

He makes his way over towards the bed, dropping down on it and watching as Liam flips through the shirts hung up in his closet, trying to figure out what to wear. 

“Excited for your date tonight?” Zayn asks, leaning back and resting on his elbows, trying to look casual even though he wants to get up and shake some sense into Liam. 

“Nervous, actually, but yes, I suppose that I’m excited,” Liam replies. 

“Been a while since you’ve been with a girl, yeah?” 

Liam sighs, shaking his head and pulling a shirt off the hanger, draping it over his shoulder before he goes back to searching. “Several years, yes.” 

“So where did you meet this Sophia, or whatever her name is.” 

“I met her at the supermarket a couple weeks ago. We bumped into each other, literally, and hit it off immediately, so I asked for her number. We’ve been texting ever since, and now I’m taking her out.”

“Louis is never going to let you go there again,” Zayn mutters under his breath, smiling sweetly when Liam glances over at him. “I said how lovely. What’s she like? What does she look like?” 

“Zayn,” Liam says, grabbing a few more shirts out of his closet and walking out. He sounds exhausted and a little resigned. “Cut the bullshit, why are you here?” 

“I’m here to be a good friend,” Zayn says, looking at Liam intently, watching as he stares at the shirts on the bed. It’s truth, after all, he’s here to figure out what’s going on with Liam and to see if there is any chance of something going on between Louis and him again. What’s not the truth is Zayn pretending to care about Sophia. “So, what’s she like?” 

“She’s nice, funny even. I don't really know much about her, kind of the whole point of this date, but she’s rather pretty, gorgeous really. Tan skin, beautiful greenish-blue eyes, and long brown hair. She’s really lovely, I bet you’d like her, if you were in my shoes.” 

“Sounds like someone I know,” Zayn says, tapping his chin as he pretends to think. “Oh yes, sounds exactly like your ex-boyfriend, except a girl.” 

“What are you babbling about?” Liam asks, looking up to glare at Zayn. “She looks nothing like Louis.” 

“Maybe not,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders. “But tan, greenish-blue eyes, long brown hair. I mean, kind of sounds like Louis to me.”

Liam’s glare hardens, his eyes flicking across Zayn for another moment before he snatches one of the shirts off the bed, undoing the buttons so he can get it on, because only Liam would fully button a shirt on the hanger instead of just one. He sighs halfway through it, dropping the shirt down on the bed to look back up at Zayn. “Why can’t you just let me do this?” 

“Why do you need to go out with her Liam? I thought you were in love with Louis.” 

“I am,” Liam admits, scratching at his chin before he rubs his freshly buzzed hair. “Of course I am, but that doesn’t mean anything.” 

“It kind of means everything,” Zayn says, rolling onto his side and propping himself up on his elbow so he can look at Liam properly. “Not really fair to some poor girl to think this could go somewhere when you’re still hung up on the past, especially when that past was under false hope that a certain conversation between the two of you could have been a fresh start. He’s miserable without you, you know.” 

“Yes, I remember what he did to you well enough to know that he’s miserable. I know that. I’m just as wretched as he is, Zayn, but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to get back together with him. I don’t know if I’m still in love with him or if I just think that I’m still in love with him. I need to go out with Sophia because I need to know my feelings for certain.” 

“She’s not a science experiment, Liam. You can’t use her like that. She probably has real feelings for you, and you’re going to fuck her up well and good if you use her to test your feelings for Louis. We both know that you should get back together.”

“Zayn, I appreciate you looking out for your friend, but I need to do this, okay? She’s going to be here soon, and I really don’t want you, your boyfriend, or your son in my apartment when that happens,” Liam says, going back to undoing the buttons on the shirt. “So if you could please show yourself out, that would be great.” 

“Fine,” Zayn says, sliding off the bed. “You’re angry because I’m right. You’re frustrated with me because you know that you’re making a mistake.” 

He closes Liam’s bedroom door as he leaves, shaking his head as he makes his way down the hallway until he finds Niall and Harry in the kitchen. 

“Sophia is going to be here soon,” Zayn says. 

“Should we go?” Harry asks, peeking out from behind Liam’s refrigerator door. “We haven’t even had a snack yet.” 

“Baba hungry,” Niall says, looking up at Zayn. 

“See, that’s exactly why we can’t leave. Liam will have to understand.” 

“Did Liam ask for us to leave?” Harry questions, his eyes narrowing as he looks at Zayn. 

“We can leave like Liam suggested, or we can stay and tonight when Niall is sleeping we can pick up where we left off on the couch earlier,” Zayn says, sighing as he looks at Harry. 

“Niall, how about a banana?” Harry asks, closing the fridge door and heading for the bowl of fruit on Liam’s table. 

“That’s what I thought,” Zayn mumbles under his breath. He leans against the counter, watching as Harry peels a banana for Niall, taking a bite off the top before he passes it down to Niall, who snatches it out of Harry’s hands with a glare before he begins eating. 

Zayn watches him eat, trying to listen carefully for sounds of Liam in his bedroom. He’s sure that Liam knows they’re still here, and he doesn’t really care. He doesn’t feel like he’s done anything with his visit today, he feels like he’s letting not only Louis down, but Liam as well. Liam’s logic is fucked, Zayn thinks, and Zayn knows what the outcome of this date will be. It’s going to end with Liam realizing that he’s not wrong about his feelings for Louis and the potential broken heart of a girl that should have never been dragged into the middle of things. 

There’s a quiet knock at the door, and Zayn glances up to see Harry starting him. 

“I get,” Niall says, taking a bite of his banana. Zayn reaches down to stop him, pulling him into his arms. 

“Not without a grown up, sorry,” Zayn says and that’s when an idea hits him. “Harry, give me one of your rings.” 

“Why?” Harry asks, already pulling one of them off his finger and handing it to Zayn. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he replies, slipping it on his left hand, and heading towards Liam’s apartment door. 

It’s cruel, and he shouldn’t do it, but he’s going to do it anyway. 

“Hi,” Niall shouts as soon as Zayn pulls the door open, waving his arm around at the girl that Zayn assumes is Sophia. She looks at him in shock for a moment before she smiles back. 

“I’m not sure if I’ve got the right apartment,” she says, her voice quiet and sweet. “I’m looking for Liam, um Liam Payne.” 

“No, no this is the right apartment. He’s just in the bedroom, getting ready for work. Well, some kind of business meeting or something. It’s unfortunate, third night this week he hasn’t been home for dinner, but that’s the music industry for you,” Zayn says, smiling sweetly at the girl. He honestly feels horrible, watching the way her face twists in confusion. 

“Business dinner?” She asks, frowning as she looks at Zayn and then Niall and at Harry’s ring on his finger. “Um, I’m sorry, but who are you again?”

“I’m Liam’s husband, and this is Niall, our son,” he says, bouncing Niall on his hip. He turns to look at Niall, his son staring at him, giving him a dirty look, one that’s laced with confusion before he turns to Sophia. 

“I Niall,” Niall says, introducing himself. “Daddy?” 

Niall turns around and Zayn curses internally, because Harry is in the kitchen, and of course, leave it up to him to stand out in the open instead of hiding away like a normal person would. He’s ready to start issuing out about apologies, but when he turns around he sees Liam and Harry standing next to each other, his boyfriend with a banana in his mouth as he stares wide-eyed at Zayn while Liam stands next to him, glaring at him. He doesn’t look as angry as Zayn thought he would, he mostly looks tired. 

“I think I should go,” Sophia says, backing away slowly. “It was lovely to have met you all.” And then she’s gone, rushing away from the door, Niall shouting bye to her retreating figure. 

“You had no right to do that, Zayn,” Liam says, once Zayn has the door closed with Niall down on the ground. “I have to call her and explain.” 

“She thinks you’re a cheating husband and father, sorry mate, but she’s not answering the phone for you,” Zayn says, making to sit next to Harry on the couch, Niall already sitting on his lap, forcing Harry to give him a bite of his banana. 

“You hurt her feelings,” Liam says, dropping down on the chair next to the couch. 

“And you weren’t going to? It’s better for her to think you’re scum then to go out with you, see how wonderful you are, because you’re a great guy, Liam, and then to have her heart broken when she finds out that you’re never going to give her a second chance. Or better yet, when she tries calling for a second date and Louis answers your phone. Who would you have rather let her down, Louis or myself?”

“Oh my god,” Liam groans, turning to face Harry. “Are you going to do anything about him?” 

Harry looks at him for a moment, swallowing his annoyingly large bit of banana. “No,” he says simply, shrugging his shoulders, an unapologetic look on his face. 

“Daddy,” Niall says, opening his mouth and pointing inside, waiting for Harry to give him another bite. 

“Liam, I know that was wrong of me, but you can’t hurt other people on your search. You know how you feel about Louis, if it didn’t go away after what he did with Harry then it’s probably never going away. You’ve been broken up for ages, and you’re still hopelessly in love with him, why do you need to date some girl to figure that out?”

Liam sighs, leaning forward to drop his head in his hands. Zayn can see that he’s taking deep breaths, focusing on his breathing for several long seconds before he looks up, nodding his head. “You’re still a bit of a jerk, but I get it. Let me go change clothes and I’ll take you three out, my husband, his boyfriend, and our son.” 

Zayn laughs, tossing his head back and throwing one of the pillows off Liam’s couch at him. “You love us,” he shouts after him, smiling when Liam waves him off before he turns back to look at Harry. 

“You’re a monster,” Harry says, smiling fondly at him, leaning over to rest his head on Zayn’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you did that.” 

“I want everyone to be happy, Harry,” he says, resting his head on top of Harry’s. “As long as they’re not together, then I’m going to constantly feel like I have to watch out for Louis. It’s not fair for everyone to get their happiness while he’s drowning in misery.” 

“You’re a better friend to him than he deserves,” Harry says quietly, turning his head to kiss Zayn’s shoulder. “You deserve so much better than Louis for a friend.” 

“Maybe,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders. “But I’ve known him my entire life, and he’s done more good things for me than he has bad, and I can’t ignore that, so unfortunately, you’re going to have to accept our friendship.” 

“Not trying to make you angry, babe, just letting you know how I feel,” Harry says, just as reasonably as he always is. “Are you going to stay at my place again tonight?”

“No, I kind of want to go to mine.” 

“Works for me,” Harry says, biting down on Zayn’s shoulder before he pulls away, glancing up at Zayn with a smile. He puckers his lips up and Zayn stares at him for a moment before he rolls his eyes and kisses him, short and sweet. He pulls away and sees Niall smiling at them, clapping in excitement before he sneaks the last bit of Harry’s banana. 

~~~ 

“I went to see Liam yesterday,” Zayn says, setting a glass of water down in front of Louis’ plate before his own. He slides into the booth; ready to eat whatever it is Louis got them from the French restaurant down the street. He’s never eaten there, but it smells amazing. 

Louis sighs, staring down at his plate of food before he glances up to look at Zayn. “What did you do?” 

“Nothing,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders. “Well, I pretended to be married to him and acted like Niall was our son. It worked out perfectly too, because, little did I know, but Harry and Liam were standing behind me, right next to each other, and Niall turned around and said ‘daddy’. So he says it, and I glance behind me and there is Liam and Harry, and naturally that’s when Sophia went running.”

“Oh my god,” Louis says, staring at Zayn with his mouth hung open. “Liam didn’t try to kill you?” 

“Louis, he didn’t want to go on that date. Well, he did, but what he really wanted was to—um, you know what? I think that’s something the two of you should discuss. I’ve done my part, now it’s up to you two.” 

“I can’t believe you did that.” 

“Honestly, neither can I, but,” Zayn pauses, taking a deep breath, “Louis, you deserve to be happy, all right? You said yourself that misery loves company, and I can’t let you ruin your own life, or mine…again, so I’m trying to help.” 

“I’m working on being happy,” Louis says, taking a bite of his food. 

“How so?” Zayn asks, genuinely curious, because as of yesterday it didn’t seem like Louis knew what the fuck he was doing. 

“I’m seeing someone,” Louis says, chewing on his bottom lip. 

“What do you mean ‘seeing someone’? I just scared Liam’s date away, probably forever, and you’re going to sit here and tell me that you’re seeing someone?”

“No, no,” Louis says, shaking his head. “I mean, like, a professional, um, to talk to. Like about my problems and my inability to allow anyone to be happy while I’m unhappy.” 

“You’re going to therapy?” Zayn questions. “Why won’t you talk to me?” 

Louis shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know, I need someone that doesn’t know me or you or Liam or Harry. I need someone that can give me an opinion that makes sense, not one that comes from someone who has known me my whole life. Is that, like, are you cool with that?”

“Of course,” Zayn says, nodding his head. “Louis, if that’s what you think you need to do, then obviously I support you. Unless whoever it is says that you shouldn’t be with Liam, then I’m going to argue everything they say, because I was rather cunning last night, and I’d hate to see that go to waste.”

“It won’t,” Louis says, shaking his head. “I’m meant to see Liam tonight, actually. We’re going to talk some more and, hopefully, come up with a plan to get our shit together.”

Zayn beams at him, satisfied with what he’s hearing, finally. He doesn’t know why he has this obsessive need to make everyone happy, but he does. If things are going to get better for he and Harry, then he wants to be able to share it with someone that isn’t completely and utterly wretched from heartbreak of losing the one they love most. If there was a reason for wanting Liam and Louis back together so badly, that’s it. Plus, the tiny part of his brain that’s nagging away at him, telling him that if Louis and Harry kissed once that they could do it again. For the most part he ignores it, but he wonders how well that’s working when he’s trying to force love onto his best friends. 

The diner door chimes, the telltale sign that someone is coming in for lunch. Zayn doesn’t bother glancing up, just continues eating until he hears the sound of someone coughing, trying to get his attention. Louis is motioning behind Zayn, pointing behind him. Zayn frowns at him, turning around slowly to see Harry standing there, looking up at the ceiling and whistling under his breath. 

“Harry, what are you doing here?” Zayn asks, staring up at his boyfriend in confusion. His phone is resting in his pocket, the device not having gone off all day. 

“I wanted to see if you were doing anything for lunch, but I didn’t realize you’d have company,” Harry says, still not looking down at Zayn. 

“Um, yeah. I eat with Louis everyday, do you want to join us?” 

“No, think I’m going to head over and get Niall. I’ve got the rest of the day off, so I’m going to grab him and we’ll go back to your place, wait for you to get off,” Harry says, nodding his head quickly before he turns to go. 

Zayn turns around to look at Louis for a moment, shaking his head before he gets up out of the booth to follow Harry out of the diner. “Harry,” he calls after him, stopping him before he can get too far. “What the hell was that?” 

“What’s what?” Harry asks, looking at Zayn. 

“Don’t play games with me. You know exactly what I’m talking about. You were being rude in there. Why?”

“You might want to see Louis and deal with him, but I don’t,” Harry explains, shrugging his shoulders. “You’re not the only person who is trying to get over certain things, babe. Louis is a reminder of the mistake that I made, and not looking at him…I don’t know, it’s just something that I don’t want to deal with.” 

“All right,” Zayn says, holding his hands up. “I understand where you’re coming from, I do, and I’m not going to push you, but please don’t go around acting in a way where it feels like I’ve got to choose between the two of you. If you want to eat lunch, then you can join us. I know that nothing is going to happen, I trust you.” 

Harry smiles at him, leaning forward and wrapping an arm around Zayn. “I trust me, too. I don’t trust him, all right? You go back in there and enjoy your lunch and the rest of your day, I’ll be at home with Niall waiting for you, okay?”

“All right,” Zayn says, nodding his head, wrapping his own arm around Harry’s waist, settling his hand low on his back, almost on his butt. “Before you go, do you want to explain the bandage on your arm?”

Harry pulls away and glances down at the white plastic covering a section of his forearm near his elbow, the edges held down with tape. It’s a telltale sign that Harry got a tattoo, but Zayn doesn’t remember him mentioning a tattoo. 

“That’s what I wanted to show you,” Harry says, pulling away from Zayn. “I got off work early, like I went in, sat in a meeting and then was told to go home for the day. It’s too early to get Niall; he’d probably be upset if I got him only two hours after he got there, maybe. Probably not, actually. Anyway, I had nothing to do so I went and got a rose on my arm.”

“I want a tattoo,” Zayn says, tracing his fingers along the edges of the plastic bandage. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’d have gone with you. I’ve been wanting a new tattoo.”

“Okay,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders. “We’ll go get tattoos. And when Niall is old enough, we’ll take him to get a tattoo.” 

“Niall is never getting a tattoo,” Zayn says, staring at Harry very seriously. He never understood the sad looks that crossed his mothers face when he got a new tattoo, covering more and more of skin until he first thought about Niall getting one, his arm covered in black ink like his own. The thought, if he thinks about it enough, makes him want to cry. Niall’s beautiful, and he doesn’t want anything to change the way he looks. 

“All right,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders. “Then when Niall is older we’ll get tattoos and lecture him about how stupid they are. We’ll be those parents that are like ‘do as I say and not as I do’ and we’ll say it while we’re getting tattooed. He’s going to hate us.” 

“You sound like you’re looking forward to that,” Zayn says, trailing his fingers from the bandage down Harry’s arm, stopping to link their fingers together. “I’ve got to get back in there, still hungry.” Zayn points behind him towards the diner and Harry nods, leaning forward to kiss Zayn quickly. 

“I’ll see you at home,” he says, kissing Zayn once more before he’s gone. Zayn waits, watching him for a moment, taking deep breaths before he heads back inside, ready to hear more about Louis’ upcoming night with Liam.


	39. Chapter 39

“Baba this one,” Niall says and Zayn turns around to see Niall trying to pull a shirt off one of the racks, tugging on the sleeve, huffing in frustration when he can’t get it down. 

It’s a short sleeve button down, navy blue in color with white polka dots all over it. Zayn sighs, because Niall wanting to dress like Harry and picking up his clothing taste was not something that Zayn was hoping for when Harry took on the role of Daddy, and it’s not something he was hoping for when he told Harry and Niall that they’d be spending the morning shopping, needing to buy Niall new clothes since he’s nearly too big for the size he’s in now. 

“Are you sure?” Zayn questions, and flicks through the hangers to find Niall’s size. He sighs when he sees that they have Niall’s size, the third button down of the day that hasn’t been out of Niall’s size. “Your size, again.” 

“I like it,” Harry offers, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Of course you do,” Zayn says, draping the shirt in the ever-growing pile clutched against his chest. “Will you head over there and get him socks and a new pair of shoes, take him with you. Get him normal shoes, something he can wear with all of his clothes. No boots. The last thing we need is his taste in footwear affected by you.”

“Baba,” Niall whines, staring up at Zayn with a pout on his face. “Need Daddy shoe.”

“No, you need a pair of Niall shoes,” Zayn corrects, and adjusts his grip on the outfits he’s carrying.

“Oh Baba,” Niall groans, throwing his arms up in the air. 

“Oh Niall,” Zayn copies, smiling down at his son. “Go with Daddy and pick out a pair of shoes, okay? You need Niall shoes.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he gets the right pair,” Harry says, grabbing onto Niall’s hand. “Come on, Ni.”

When Harry and Niall run off, Zayn starts grabbing shirts that he thinks Niall will cute in and plain ones of solid colors along with brand new sets of pajamas. They’re going to be too big for a couple weeks, maybe a couple months, but Zayn would rather be prepared than to wake up one morning and see Niall’s belly hanging out of his shirts, his ankles exposed. 

He grabs one more set of pajamas, a blue onesie with dogs all over it before he heads towards the shoe department, finding Harry pulling a pair of white converse off Niall’s feet. 

“Daddy snuck his other favorite shoes in there, didn’t he?” Zayn jokes, smiling when Harry looks up and winks at him. 

“You said to get something that’ll go with anything, and these are perfect.”

“They are,” Zayn agrees. “Do you like them Niall?”

Niall nods his head, exaggerated movements, bringing his chin down to his chest before pulling it back up again. 

“All right, come on silly boy. Baba is getting hungry, so we should head home. Are you ready for lunch?”

Niall nods his head again but stares up at Zayn with wide blue eyes, jumping off the seat used to try on shoes and frowning. 

“What’s wrong?” Harry asks, looking between Zayn and Niall. 

“Baba diaper,” Niall mumbles, staring up at Zayn with wide eyes. 

“What’s the matter with it? Does it hurt?” Zayn asks, lifting up Niall’s shirt to see if he put Niall’s diaper on too tight, it looks fine, the tabs far enough apart that Niall’s stomach doesn’t have red indents. 

“I pee,” Niall says, looking at Zayn with a frown on his face, leaning forward to press his face into Zayn’s chest. 

“All right, baby, we’ll get you cleaned up,” Zayn says, rubbing his hand across Niall’s back. “It’s all right, that’s why you’re wearing your diaper. Is it okay if Daddy takes you to the toilets to clean you up and get you changed? Baba needs to pay for all your new stuff.”

“Okay,” Niall mumbles, pulling his face out of Zayn’s chest to nod his head. “Daddy?” Niall holds his arms up in the air and Harry picks him up immediately, shoving the diaper bag further up on his shoulder. 

“We’ll be back,” Harry says, smiling at Zayn before he starts to walk away. 

“I’m going to head towards check out,” Zayn says, watching as Harry turns around to nod his head, shooting him a thumbs up before he starts rushing towards the bathroom. 

Zayn walks towards the area he knows where the check out section is, cutting through the men’s section to get there. He weaves in and out of the racks of clothing, not paying them any mind until he reaches a section of button downs, all of them in atrocious designs and patterns, each one more ugly than the next. 

He can’t help but stop in front of them, thinking about how much Harry will love them. 

There’s one that looks just like the blue and white polka dotted one they got for Niall, so he grabs it, finding it in Harry’s size and moving on to get more. He gets six of them; the polka dotted one, a black one with white flowers, another black one with intricate white lines create an elaborate design, a sea foam green one that is so ridiculous he can’t wait to see Harry in it, a white one with red pin stripes, and a flannel, the only one that Zayn doesn’t think is completely awful. 

Zayn throws them over his arm, draping them over Niall’s clothes and heads for check out before he can stop himself, wanting to buy the clothes before Harry and Niall get back. 

~~~

“I bought something for you,” Zayn says, tucking the shopping bag behind his back. Harry pauses making lunch to look up, excitement written across his features as he looks at Zayn. 

“When?” 

“Today, when you took Niall to the toilets to change his diaper. It’s kind of silly, but I thought you might enjoy them.”

“Is that why you paid for everything before I came back? You wanted to surprise me?” 

“Well, yeah,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders. “So wash your hands, I don’t want you to ruin them.” 

Harry nods, turning towards the sink to wash his hands while Zayn heads towards the kitchen table, setting the bag down on top of it, waiting for Harry. 

Harry sets lunch down on the table, pushing the three plates in front of three of the seats and turns to look at Zayn with a smile. “Lemme see it.”

Harry’s the back open slowly, making a face at Zayn, his eyes squinted and his features scrunched up. He pulls out the shirts slowly, his smile growing with each one. “You bought me shirts that you hate,” Harry sings, smiling widely as he holds the black one with white flowers against his chest. “Are you going to hate me when I say that I love these and I can’t wait to wear them?” 

Zayn pulls a face, acting put off. “Those are actually meant-for-the-closet shirts not meant-to-wear-in-public shirts,” he teases. 

“Well, in that case, I’m going to take you out on a date and wear every single one of them,” Harry says back, setting the clothes on the table. “No, but these are great. I know you hate the way that I dress, so this means a lot to me that you’d go out of your way to buy them for me, so thank you.” 

Zayn shrugs his shoulders. “It’s not a big deal. I saw them and they made me think of you, so I bought them for you. I thought about hanging them up in your closet, waiting to see if you’d ever notice.” 

“Remember when we were leaving the hospital?” Harry asks, a growing smile on his face as he looks at Zayn. “You said that next time we go and get Niall clothes, you’re going to pick out mine because I dress horribly, but you just bought me all clothes that I’d have probably picked out myself.”

Zayn sighs, shrugging his shoulders. He can vaguely remember saying that, just like he vaguely remembers the hideous outfit that Harry bought him, but he hadn’t thought about it when he was at the store. He had only thought about how the shirts would make Harry happy. “I’m a mess.”

Harry smiles and nods his head slowly. “Well either way, thank you.” He puts the shirts back in the bag, setting them down in the vacant chair behind Zayn and leans forward to kiss him, pressing their mouths together firmly. “You’re the best.”

“Baba I hungry,” Niall shouts, stomping into the kitchen with a glare on his face, looking like he’s trying to intimidate Zayn but failing miserably. 

Zayn kisses Harry once more, muttering quietly, “Unfortunately, Mr. Bossypants doesn’t think so.” He smiles at Harry, patting him on the butt as he heads over towards Niall, frowning at his son. “Well, grumpy, Daddy finished lunch, so you’re in luck.”

“Cat eat?” Niall asks as Zayn sets him down in his chair, pushing it forward and taking the sippy cup filled with juice that Harry is handing him. 

“Cat’s bowl is on the floor, he’ll eat when he wants to,” Zayn says, ruffling Niall’s hair before he takes his own seat. “Cat and Kitty don’t eat at the table.” 

Niall sighs, giving Zayn a look before he picks up his cup, taking a drink. He eyes Zayn over the top of it, staring at him while he drinks and Zayn can’t help but huff out a laugh. 

~~~ 

Zayn stares down at Niall’s sleeping figure, his son falling asleep in the middle of his story. He smiles, leaning down to pull the blankets up a little more, tucking them underneath Niall’s arms before he leans down and kisses his head, brushing his hair off his forehead. Reaching across Niall, he pets the fur behind Cat’s ears, the animal staring up at him with half lidded eyes before falling back asleep. Kitty’s sitting at the end of the bed, watching Zayn carefully. 

“I’m leaving,” Zayn whispers, petting her quickly before he flicks the light off, pulling Niall’s door shut, not all the way, but enough to where it’s almost shut, but the cats can get out if they want. 

He lets out a tired yawn as he makes his way to Harry’s room, finding his boyfriend lying out on top of the bed, completely stripped down to nothing but his boxer briefs. He smiles at Zayn, his dimples on full display. Harry pats the expanse of bed next to him, silently suggesting that Zayn joins him. 

Zayn closes the door and crosses the room silently, stopping at the end of the bed, just out of Harry’s reach. “What are you doing?”

Harry pats the bed once more, his eyebrows furrowing together as he looks at Zayn. “Can’t answer that until you get on the bed, sorry.” He doesn’t look sorry, his face relaxing into a smile as he lays back, his arm stretched out, practically begging Zayn to curl up next to him. “Zayn,” he whines, rolling onto his side and reaching out to tug Zayn into bed with him. 

Zayn goes without a fight, allowing his body to be shoved on its back while Harry crawls on top of him, straddling his waist. Harry slides down slightly, grabbing the hem of Zayn’s shirt and pulling it off, smiling widely when Zayn fixes him with a look. “What are you doing?”

“You looked hot, like the clothes were bothering you or something. I’m being helpful,” Harry teases, leaning down to press a kiss to Zayn’s cheek. He pushes up, balancing above Zayn, resting on his elbows. “Missed you.” 

“You’ve been with me all night,” Zayn replies, pushing at Harry’s shoulder until he’s lying down, half his weight on Zayn and the rest of it on the bed. 

“Missed you like this though,” Harry says, trailing his fingers down Zayn’s ribs, settling his hand against Zayn’s ribs. “I feel like I can’t get enough of you. I want to be with you all the time, just completely overwhelmed by you in every way. I couldn’t do this for so long, it felt like years, but now it’s like I’m scrambling to make up for lost time.” 

Zayn looks at him, taking in the overpowering way that Harry is looking at him, his green eyes alert and focused, clouding with something that pulls deep in his gut. He doesn’t know what to say, he’s not good at this sort of thing, not like Harry is. He doesn’t know how to put himself out there one hundred percent. He doesn’t know how to pour his heart out. Zayn feels like he’s not very good at being in love, not in the way Harry is, like he was made for it. 

And a nagging thought in the back of his mind tells him that he’s not nearly good enough for someone like Harry. 

Selflessly, Zayn knows that Harry belongs with someone else, someone willing to give him everything and a little more, not someone that’s constantly making things difficult for him. But Zayn’s not selfless, not when it comes to Harry. He’s selfish and greedy, and he wants all of Harry, every last bit of him, but that doesn’t mean he’s good at this, so he smiles, leaning forward and brushing his lips against Harry’s. 

“I love you,” he mumbles, because it’s simple and it tells Harry exactly what he’s feeling. 

“God, me too,” Harry breathes out, pushing forward with a fierce determination as he presses his lips against Zayn’s, kissing him with everything that he’s got. 

It’s not like their kissing at Zayn’s house the other day, the slow, lazy drag of Harry’s tongue in his mouth while he grinds down on his lap. It’s feverish, making Zayn’s head spin as he reaches up one hand to shove his fingers in Harry’s hair, the other holding onto one of Harry’s arms, his boyfriend’s hands cupping his jaw, tilting Zayn’s face back to give him a little more leverage. 

He feels one of Harry’s hands slide down from his jaw down his chest and his ribs, settling against his hip where it was before they had begun kissing. 

Zayn knows where this is going, can feel it when Harry presses into him further, sliding his fingertips into Zayn’s waistband and pressing up against Zayn’s side, their bodies flushed together in a way so that Zayn can feel how hard Harry is against him, grinding down against Zayn’s hip shamelessly. Harry’s making it obvious where he’s planning on taking things tonight, groaning into Zayn’s mouth, pulling away and mouthing at Zayn’s neck, using his hands to try and get Zayn’s jeans unbuttoned.

Zayn doesn’t know what to do, his body feels heavy and his dick is hardening, but he feels frozen, unsure about how he should be maneuvering in all of this. Harry’s acting like a desperate, horny teenager, and Zayn’s reminded of the words he spoke to him a few minutes ago. He’s scrambling to make up for lost time, and nothing was more so lost than their sex life. 

It’s all so fucking much. Harry’s tugging down his jeans, throwing them on the ground before he’s climbing back on top of Zayn, slotting their mouths together in a sloppy, wet kiss. Zayn can feel the want, the desire rolling off of Harry in waves, crashing down on him and almost completely taking over Zayn’s train of thought. Almost, though, because Zayn can’t remember the last time he was he was in this position. Zayn can’t remember the last time he made Harry come, and that’s the problem. 

“Harry,” Zayn mumbles, pulling away from the kiss, trying his hardest to get Harry to concentrate on him instead of the kisses he’s trailing down his jaw. Zayn can feel that this is going somewhere, a direction that he’s not sure he’s ready to take, no matter how badly his dick is throbbing for this. “Harry, wait.” He pushes at Harry’s shoulders, forcing him to open his eyes and look down at Zayn, immediately frowning when his lust-blown eyes connect to Zayn’s. 

“What’s wrong?” Harry asks, cupping Zayn’s jaw, his thumb rubbing against his stubble. 

“You’re trying to have sex with me,” Zayn says dumbly. 

Harry laughs, sounding breathless. “Yeah, that was the plan. I just—you realize that it’s been a while, right?” 

“Longer for me than for you,” Zayn blurts open, biting his bottom lip as Harry pulls away, frowning as he looks at him. Zayn can feel the way he stills, his body freezing up slightly. 

“Zayn. Fuck, I don’t know what to say right now. Can you help me out a little here? I mean, you kissed me because you said that’s the only way you’re going to move past what happened, but you can’t do this?” Harry asks, and he sounds confused but then he’s groaning, shaking his head. “Fuck, that sounded awful. I’m so sorry. I’m not trying to pressure you; I swear that I’m not. I just don’t understand. I thought…” He looks down at Zayn, sighing loudly. “It felt like this was something you wanted again…with me.” 

“I can’t,” Zayn chokes out. His body and his mind are telling him two different things, and he feels like he’s being pulled in opposite directions. He knows that he’s probably an ass for doing this, he knows that, and he’s trying his absolute hardest to get past what happened between Harry and Louis. He’s been doing so well, but it’s just… All he can see right now are the come stains in Harry’s boxers as he standing there, drunk in Zayn’s bedroom, looking lost and confused. 

Harry takes a deep breath and nods his head, crawling off Zayn completely to sit on the bed next to him. “I’m going to take a shower, all right?” He doesn’t look at Zayn when he says it, but rather down at the bed sheets, like they’re the most interesting things in the room. 

“Please don’t be angry,” Zayn begs, sitting up and placing his hand on top of Harry’s on the bed. “I’m sorry.”

Harry nods his head, taking a deep breath. “No, don’t be sorry,” he mumbles out, getting off the bed. He’s not facing Zayn, but Zayn can tell that he’s fixing himself, trying to hide the reason why he needs a shower. “I just need a shower.” 

“I could join you,” Zayn suggest quietly. “If you want.”

“Nah, it’s all right.”

Zayn nods his head even though Harry isn’t look at him and watches as he locks himself in the bathroom, the click of the lock echoing in the silence of the room. 

Zayn only sits there for a moment before he exits the bedroom, peeking in Niall’s room to make sure he’s sleeping all right. He is, he’s on his stomach with Cat half lying on his back, Kitty still lying at the end of the bed, curled up in a ball with her face pressed into her stomach. Zayn wants to crawl in bed with him, pull his son close and use his scent to calm him down, but Zayn’s chest is tight and he feels like he could possibly break down, so he shuts the door softly, leaving it open a crack and heads downstairs, trying to give Harry the space that he wants, even if he didn’t ask for it. 

Zayn steps out on the front porch, dropping down on the step and pushing his face in his hands. He feels like he’s fucked up, like Harry is angry with him and he doesn’t know how to fix it. He feels like he needs to fix it. But he doesn’t know how. He’s made Harry feel like he doesn’t want him or like he’s still angry with him, or something. Zayn doesn’t know but neither of those reasons are true. It’s just. It’s been so long, the last time Harry has gotten off with another person was with Louis and what if Zayn’s not enough anymore? What if he’s not enough to make Harry feel anything? 

He reaches into his pockets blindly, pulling out his phone and calling Louis’ number. He needs to talk to someone and he could very well call Liam, but Louis’ knows him. He understands Zayn and Zayn needs that comfort right now. 

“Hello?” Louis breathes into the phone, he sounds tired, not like he was sleeping but like he wishes that he were. “Zayn? You there?” 

“I fucked up, Louis,” Zayn chokes out, squeezing his eyes together. He doesn’t know why he has this horrible urge to just fucking cry. 

“What happened? Is everything okay?”

“No, it’s not. Fuck,” Zayn curses, rubbing at his eyes, trying to stop them from welling up with tears. 

Louis sighs. “Zayn, I don’t know how to fix it if you won’t talk to me. What happened?”

Zayn nods his head, ignoring the fact that Louis can’t see him and rubs the back of his hand across his nose. “Harry and I were in bed, and it’s like, well, you know, obviously we were going to have sex. It’s just. That’s where he was trying to take it anyway, but I got freaked out and told him that I couldn’t, or that I didn’t want to do it. I can’t remember.”

“And how did Harry react?” 

“I think he’s pretty pissed off at me, actually. He didn’t yell or anything, but he was like, ‘you can kiss me but you can’t do this?’ and then he just, you know, got off me and said he was going to take a shower. I offered to join him, I didn’t want him thinking that I didn’t want him or to be near him, but he wouldn’t even look at me. He just said no,” Zayn mumbles, leaning down to rest his head on his knees. He takes a deep breath and waits, listening to Louis’ sigh into the phone. 

“So you wouldn't have sex with him and now he’s upset. Why are you worried?”

“I feel like I fucked up. I don’t know, I feel like—this feels like some kind of tipping point. Harry doesn’t get mad; I’m the one who gets mad. That’s my role in this whole thing, but he’s angry. I just feel like I fucked up, you know? What if this is the point where he’s finally sick of me?” 

“Oh Zayn,” Louis sighs into the phone. His voice sounds sad and quiet, and it does nothing to settle Zayn’s nerves. “You realize that Harry’s not going anywhere, right? Like, you realize that you could deny him sex for a year and he’d still be there. Harry’s not with you because he wants the physical parts only, but because he wants all of it. So yeah, he might be a little sexually frustrated right now, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to leave you and Niall.”

“He’d never leave Niall,” Zayn replies easily, knowing that much is true. 

“He’d never leave you, either.” 

Zayn shrugs his shoulders, feeling small and insecure. He’s difficult and Harry shouldn’t have to put with someone like him. Harry deserves the world and Zayn feels like he keeps taking it away from him, dangling it out in front of him, making him feel like he could have it before he yanks it back, locking it away somewhere where Harry has to work for it again. 

Zayn wishes he wasn’t like this. He’s moving on from what happened with Louis and Harry, he is. And he’s pretty much over it, most of the time. But. But the thought of having sex with Harry is overwhelming in a crippling way, seizing his heart and squeezing, fogging up his mind. 

“What if I’m not enough anymore? What if I’m not enough to keep him satisfied in that capacity?” 

“God, you’re determined,” Louis mutters and Zayn imagines him shaking his head. “Harry loves you. Harry, your boyfriend, loves you. Harry, the man who has taken in your son as if he were his own, loves you. Harry loves you, so trust me when I say that you’re more than enough for him. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Zayn mumbles, nodding his head. “I’m going to go. He’s probably out of the shower and well; I’ve just got to go. Thanks, Lou.” 

“No problem, Zayn.” 

Zayn hangs up his phone and shoves it into his pocket blindly, keeping his head hung low while he takes deep, careful breaths, trying to calm himself down. 

He enters Harry’s house slowly, shutting and locking the door behind him before he climbs the stairs, taking his time. He peeks in on Niall again, checking to make sure he’s okay – he is, he’s lying on his back now with his arm draped over Cat’s head – and then he slips into Harry’s bedroom, gently pushing the door open to find Harry pulling on a pair of boxers. 

Harry looks up at Zayn, but he doesn’t say anything, he just finishes pulling his underwear up and waits, already knowing that Zayn is going to say something. 

“I’m going to call a cab,” Zayn mumbles, scratching at the back of his neck. “It’s too late to wake Niall up, so there’s no point in you driving me home. Is it all right if he sleeps here?”

Harry frowns, raising an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?” 

“I’m going to call a cab and head home, too far to walk, and since Niall’s sleeping, I don’t want to wake him. I was hoping that you’d be all right with letting him sleep here. I can probably get him in the cab without waking him up, though, if you don’t want him here as well.” 

“As well?” 

“Yeah, you know, like…” Zayn trails off, waving a dismissive hand in the air. “I don’t know, just trying to give you space. That’s what you want, right?” 

“I didn’t say that,” Harry replies, shaking his head. 

“You didn’t have to say that,” Zayn states, scoffing lightly. “It was very much implied when you stomped off to go shower.” 

Harry looks at Zayn carefully, studying him. “You think that I took a shower because I wanted you to leave? You thought that I was hoping you’d take a hint and get out of my house?” 

“Pretty much,” Zayn mumbles. 

“God you’re dense,” Harry replies, taking a few steps forward until he’s directly in front of Zayn, crowding his space. “I was frustrated, yes. I was overwhelmed, yes. I really fucking wanted you, yes. But I understand your hesitation, and I’m not irritated with you because of it. I needed a shower so I could get myself together. All my blood was in my dick and I couldn’t formulate a coherent thought. I needed a minute to myself.” 

“To fix it?”

“No,” Harry laughs, wrapping his arms around Zayn’s neck. “Definitely saving that job for you. I just needed to step back and calm down. You’re intoxicating, Zayn. You can’t even begin to realize what you do to me.” 

Zayn reaches up and rests his hands on Harry’s hips, pulling him into a hug. He rests his head on Harry’s shoulder, turning so he’s got his face pressed into his neck, breathing in his scent while Harry rubs his hand up and down his back. 

“You all right?” Harry asks, squeezing him lightly. 

“I thought I fucked it all up,” Zayn mumbles into Harry’s skin. “I just felt awful, because you overwhelm me too, and it’s been so long, and of course I want you. I’m just scared, you know? And I was so fucking worried that you’d start thinking about me in the shower and decide that you were done with me, or something. I don’t know what I’d do if you were. I was so fucking scared.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Harry says, pulling away so he can grip onto Zayn’s cheeks, forcing Zayn to really look at him. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not. You can reject me when it comes to sex any time you want, I’m not going to hold it against you. I get it, I do. All right? You’re stuck with me.” 

“Thank god,” Zayn groans out, laughing when Harry breaks out into a smile. 

“Good, now tell me.” 

“Tell you what?” Zayn questions, frowning at Harry, he’s unsure of what it is Harry wants him to say. 

“Tell me,” Harry repeats, green eyes sparkling as he looks at Zayn. 

Zayn stares at him for a moment before it clicks in his head, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I love you.” 

Harry beams, radiating joy when he mutters back, “love you, too.” He kisses Zayn once, then twice before he’s pulling away and telling Zayn to get ready for bed, mumbling about how tired he is and how if Zayn’s not going to have sex with him, then he’s going to cuddle with him and massage his scalp until he falls asleep, but there’s a teasing glint to his eyes that lets Zayn know he’s not angry, not really.


	40. Chapter 40

“Where am I picking you up tonight?” Harry asks. 

Zayn stares out of the windshield for a moment, looking at Louis’ apartment building and shrugs. “I don’t think it matters. I don’t know how long we’re going to be here, but we can just meet at my apartment tonight. If that’s where you want to sleep, that is.” 

“Is that where you’re sleeping?” Harry questions, turning so his body is facing Zayn completely. Zayn nods his head. “All right, then that’s where I’m sleeping.” 

Niall’s humming in the back seat, rolling one of his toy cars across the armrest of his car seat, making little vroom noises as the car moves. He hasn’t noticed that they’ve stopped yet, or he just hasn’t noticed where they are. Zayn’s content with staying in the car, spending the day with Harry, if he could. But Harry has to work, something about how he and Liam have finally wrapped up a contract with a new client to begin working on his album. Harry had mentioned how thing one is going to include song writing, a process that Liam and Harry weren’t able to work in before. Zayn still doesn’t know anything about this client, but he hopes this one is going to more like Ed and less like Taylor, meaning less hanging on Harry and more focus on music. 

“You’re good, right? You're not still worked up about last night?” Harry questions and Zayn turns to look at him and smiles. 

“No, I’m fine. The only reason I wasn’t was because I thought that you wouldn’t be. You’ve got that effect on me,” Zayn says lightly, reaching across to nudge Harry’s chin gently. 

“Good,” Harry says, nodding his head. “I’ve got to be at work in fifteen minutes, and I’m about twenty minutes away.” 

“All right,” Zayn groans, undoing his seat belt. “I can take a hint.” He steps out of the car carefully, shutting the door behind him before he makes his way to the back seat. He grabs Niall’s bag, throwing it over his shoulder and then works to get his son out of the car. Niall comes willingly, throwing his toy car down on the ground of Harry’s car as Zayn helps him out. 

“Baba say bye,” Niall says, watching as Zayn shuts the car door. 

“We are,” Zayn mutters as they round the car, stopping in front of Harry’s window and leaning down. 

“Bye Daddy,” Niall shouts in Harry’s face, smiling widely and giving Harry a quick kiss. “Bye.” He wiggles around in Zayn’s arms until Zayn sets him down on the ground. 

“Niall, stay right there,” Zayn instructs before he leans down in the window. “Good luck at work.” Zayn leans forward and kisses him, feeling as Harry sighs against his lips. 

“Song writing, how hard can it be?” Harry asks, biting down on his bottom lip and looking at Zayn. 

Zayn leans down and kisses him again, brushing his fingers through the curls framing Harry’s face. “Don’t be nervous, you’ll do great. They wouldn’t have agreed to let you do this if they didn’t believe in you.” 

“I know, just a little nervous,” Harry says, releasing another deep breath. “Okay, I’ve really got to go. Luckily, my boss has three kids so he always understands when I say that it was hard leaving Niall. Everyone knows that children dictate schedules.” 

He smiles at Zayn once more before he slowly starts backing the car up, making his way to work. Zayn grabs Niall’s hand and slowly helps him up the stairs to Louis’ apartment. Neither of them has to go into work for the day, the joys of working at diner, the unreliable hours that give him random weekdays off. 

~~~ 

“Niall, do you want to play in your room or out here with Baba and Uncle Louis?” Zayn asks, setting Niall’s things down on the ground, watching on as Louis helps Niall pull off his shoes. 

“Play Niall toys,” Niall says, standing up and running off towards his bedroom. He doesn’t answer Zayn’s question, but Zayn knows that he’ll come out if he wants to, if not then Zayn will just have to check on him in a little bit. 

“He’s so big for his age,” Louis mutters, standing up from the floor. “Not like his size, but his attitude and everything else.” 

“I think it’s called the terrible twos for a reason,” Zayn replies, shrugging his shoulders and toes off his own shoes before he drops down on the couch, lying back and taking up the length of it, forcing Louis to sit on the chair next to him. “He hasn’t started screaming and throwing things…yet. Actually, no, he threw things not that long ago when he was with Harry. Harry had to disguise nap time as time out to get him to go to sleep.” 

“He’s oddly clever when it comes to this parenting thing for someone who doesn’t have any kids and has never done this before. It’s kind of like he was just meant to slip right into your little family, it’s kind of cute.”

Zayn nods his head, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh. “He’s oddly clever at a lot of things.” 

“Hey, you all right?” Louis asks, his voice going soft. 

“Fine,” Zayn mutters. “Just a little tired is all. I didn’t sleep very well, kept dreaming that Harry had left. Then after waking up for the second time, I just kind of stayed up. I tried to go back to sleep, but it was hard since Niall and Harry were taking up the majority of the bed.” 

“Did you talk to him last night? What happened after we got off the phone?” 

“I rambled a bit about how I was going to go home and leave Harry alone, he sort of implied that I was an idiot and said that he just needed to, you know, calm down a bit in the shower and get his head on straight, but he wasn’t really angry, more sexually frustrated, if anything. I guess I sort of expected the worst, but god, he seemed so irritated with me when he went into the shower. But we talked about it. He’s not going anywhere.” 

“Ah, just like I said,” Louis says, reaching down to poke Zayn in the arm, forcing him to open his eyes. 

“Yeah well, I’m not very good at listening, am I?” 

“No, you’re just stubborn, kind of like your son in there. But it’s okay, that’s why we all love you so much. Including Harry. You’ve been a stubborn little shit your entire relationship, bit silly of him to be cross with you now because of it. And it’s understandable not wanting to have sex after what happened, you’re not, like, an abnormality or anything.” 

“It’s not that I don’t want to have sex,” Zayn mumbles, sitting up so he can see Louis as he speaks. “It’s not about that, it’s just. What if I can’t, you know, make Harry feel good in that way anymore?” 

Louis stares back at him, his eyebrows knitting together and his lips pulling down in a frown. “Zayn, you’re being serious?” Louis questions and Zayn squirms in his seat, pulling his bottom lip in his mouth. “Ignoring the physical aspect of your relationship, you make Harry feel good in more ways than anyone else can, and that’s why he’s with you. That’s why he’s not going anywhere and that’s why he has taken on the responsibility that comes with dating you, that responsibility being Niall. The sex is just an added bit. He loves you, and he wants to make you feel good in every way that he can, including in the physical way. So you don’t have to worry about that, not even a little bit.”

“Who ever let you make sense?” Zayn asks, smiling at Louis, his works making him feel a little better about his situation with Harry. Realistically, Zayn knows that he’s enough for Harry but there’s still that part of him that’s always nipping at the back of his mind, making him doubt himself, especially in times like this, when they haven’t been together in that way in so long. 

“Well, it’s a given when it comes to you and Harry,” Louis says, shrugging his shoulders. “Besides, the ring on your finger kind of implies that things are going more swimmingly than you let on, Malik.” 

Zayn frowns, giving Louis a look, because he has no idea what Louis is talking about, but then, when he glances down, he sees Harry’s ring still fitted on his left hand, the silver gleaming against his tan skin. He could have sworn that he took the ring off after he spoke with Sophia, but maybe not. It’s still wrapped around his finger, glaring up at him, a heavy weight now that he’s noticed it, unable to take his eyes off it. 

“This isn’t a thing,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “No, um. I put this on when I lied to Sophia and said that I was Liam’s husband. Harry gave it to me for that reason, not any other reason.” Zayn is still shaking his head, laughing awkwardly. “This doesn’t mean anything.”

“All right,” Louis says, holding his hands up in defeat. “Just wondering. It’s not everyday you’re wearing a ring on that specific finger, so I just thought I’d ask.” 

“Yeah, well. You got to ask that so I think that-“ 

“Baba!” 

Zayn pauses his talking, cut off by the sound of Niall calling his name. He turns, looking in the direction of the hallway and sees Niall emerge, wearing nothing but his diaper, his clothes missing. “Niall, what happened to your shirt and pants?” Zayn asks, scooting forward so he’s sitting on the edge of the couch. 

“Not wear,” Niall replies, smiling at Zayn as he steps closer, resting his elbow on Zayn’s knee. “I not clothes.” 

Zayn sighs, releasing a deep breath. “Niall, baby, you have to wear clothes.” 

“Daddy not,” Niall says, playing with the hem of Zayn’s shirtsleeve. 

“Yeah, you and Daddy did both eat breakfast in your underwear this morning, didn’t you?” Zayn mutters, sighing. “You got me with that one.” 

“Baba, do hair,” Niall says, tugging on his hair. “Like Daddy.” 

“I don’t have a hair band, bub. We can’t do it without one.” 

Niall huffs and then pouts, staring at Zayn for a moment before he stomps out of the room, clearly annoyed with Zayn for not putting his hair into a ponytail like Harry does for him. 

“What was that?” Louis asks, turning his attention away from the direction Niall stomped off to look back at Zayn. “He still wants his hair in those god-awful ponytails?” 

“He’s going through some thing, worse than before, but yeah, it’s still there. He wants to dress and looks just like Harry. We went shopping and he wanted shirts like Harry, he wants his hair done up all the time, he—I don’t know, he wants to look like Daddy, I guess,” Zayn mumbles, shrugging. 

“That’s interesting.” 

“Yeah, well.” Zayn shrugs, pulling a face. “Not much I can do about it. Hopefully he grows out of it.” Zayn sighs and leans back into the couch, laughing lightly as he thinks about the angry scowl on Niall’s face when he denied him about putting his hair up. 

“What were you going to ask me before he came out here?” 

Zayn frowns, trying to remember. “Oh, I was going to say that now I get to ask what’s going on with you and Liam. Have you spoken with him?” 

“Not, um, the discussion that we should have, no. But we’ve been texting a bit, just little things, but it’s nice. I don’t know what’s going to happen when we talk, but I’m willing to do anything that he wants me to.” 

“Just make sure that you’re still getting your own say in things, okay? You both want different things, but you want each other, and there’s got to be some compromise.” 

“Let me worry about that. You should worry about that angry toddler you’ve got in the other room, probably in there muttering angrily about you to his stuffed animals.” 

Zayn laughs and nods. “Yeah, I’ll go check on him.” He pats Louis on the shoulder as he walks past him, bracing himself for whatever anger Niall might still be clinging to.

~~~ 

Zayn’s in his apartment, washing vegetables for dinner while Niall sits at the table, drawing in his sketchbook. Zayn doesn’t hear when the door opens, so he jumps in surprise when he feels arms wrap around his waist and hears Harry’s voice in his ear, “Hello, darling.”

“You’re lucky I wasn’t chopping these. Why did you sneak in here?” Zayn asks, shutting the water off to turn around and look at Harry. 

“Didn’t sneak in. I made as much noise as I normally do, you just weren’t listening,” Harry says, smiling before he leans forward to kiss Zayn. 

“Daddy, Niall hair,” Niall says, forcing Harry to pull away. 

“What does he want?” Harry asks, arms still wrapped around Zayn. 

“He’s been angry with me all day because I don’t have any hair bands to put his hair up. He wants you to put his hair up,” Zayn replies, twirling one of Harry’s curls around in his finger. “You should probably do that before he pouts at you all day like he’s done to me.” 

Harry kisses him again and then pulls away, pulling a hair band off his wrist. “Not to worry, Ni, Daddy can fix your hair.”

Zayn watches as he gathers a small portion of Niall’s hair and works it into a hair band, Niall’s hair standing up on his head now because of it. 

“You look handsome,” Harry mutters, pulling another hair band off his wrist to put his own hair up, no longer just half up like before, but now fully gathered in the elastic band. Niall watches him with a smile on his face, fingers brushing against his hair that’s up. 

“Like Daddy,” Niall says, no longer grumpy now that he’s finally got his hair up. He’d only asked Zayn three more times, once when they got into Louis’ car on the way home, again when they got back to their apartment, and a third time when he woke up from his nap, some how convinced that Zayn was going to magically get a hair band at each of these of different times, like it wasn’t Zayn that didn’t have a hair band, but just Louis’ apartment and Louis’ car. 

“You finish your drawing, okay? Daddy is going to help Baba with dinner. Draw me something special, all right?” Harry says, leaning down to kiss Niall’s head before he makes his way over to Zayn. 

“Yes, Daddy,” Niall says obediently. 

“At least you make him happy,” Zayn mumbles, tearing up bits of lettuce into smaller pieces. 

“I’ve got a way with Malik me,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders and picking up a piece of lettuce and tossing it in his mouth. “Now, what are we having for dinner?”

“Niall decided on tacos, so you can get the meat started. I wanted to get the vegetables out of the way, let them sit in the fridge while the meat cooks because unlike the vegetables, meat shouldn’t be cold. So can you start that?”

“I could, yes,” Harry says, patting Zayn on the hip before he turns to get a pan out of the cabinet. “And I’m glad to hear it’s tacos, when I saw that you had lettuce out, I was terrified that we’d be eating salads. I had a salad for lunch, new client is a bit of a health freak, or at least she was today.”

“She?” Zayn asks, ripping at that lettuce, turning around to watch as Harry drops the meat in the pan and turns the burner on. 

“Yeah, Ellie. Her music isn’t really my thing, not sure that it’s something I want to be apart of, but boss seems to think that she’s going to do great, Liam likes her, so I figured why not? I don’t know, but Nick’s totally pissed at me for taking her on?” 

“Taking her on?” Zayn repeats back, dropping the lettuce down to turn and look at Harry fully. 

“Yeah, you know, like—I don’t know, it’s business talk. It just means that we’re working with her.” 

“Why would Nick care who you work with?” Zayn asks. He knows that Nick is one of Harry’s closest friend’s, and he knows that he’s proven to be an all right guy, but every time he hears the boys name, he feels a flare of annoyance, remembering how Nick had treated him when Zayn and Harry were just starting out. “It’s not his business.” 

“No, but she’s slept with Ed before, used to, actually. All the time. I don’t know the details, but Nick threw a fit. I think he wants her dead, not literally, but rather, like, dead to his life. Like, he doesn’t want to know anything about her, so he feels like she only wanted to work with Liam and I because of my relationship with Nick.” 

“Relationship?” Zayn asks, watching Harry’s back as he nods his head. 

“Yeah, our friendship. He thinks she’s going to try and sabotage it.” 

“Well, would be a bit of karma, don’t you think?” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders when Harry turns to look at him. “What? He tried to chase me off, tried to get me to leave you alone. I’m just saying, it would be karma if that happened to him.” 

“You’re not still angry at him because of that, are you?” Harry questions, turning his back on the meat for a second. 

“Not fight,” Niall shouts from the other side of the kitchen. 

“Not fighting, sweetheart. We’re just talking,” Zayn reassures, smiling at Niall before he turns back to Harry. “I’m not still angry about that, I’m just saying. And Nick’s still with Ed, right?” 

“Yeah, he’s following him around tour,” Harry says, giggling and stepping closer to Zayn. “They do this weird role play thing at, like, every venue. Nick pretends to be a groupie, acts really problematic and out of control, and slightly more important than he really is, you know. Anyway, he acts like a groupie and Ed plays along, and then they go back to their hotel room and-“ He glances behind Zayn’s shoulder, looking at Niall. “I’m sure you know, but they change it up every night to keep it from getting boring. I don’t know how that works, but anyway, yeah, he’s still with Ed, but that doesn’t mean he can’t hate a girl that used to sleep with Ed before him. It’s a bit silly, but not unheard of.” 

“You take forever to answer a question,” Zayn says, laughing lightly. “And please never again tell me about Nick’s sex life. Also, every night?”

“Yeah, it’s so weird, right?” Harry laughs out, turning around to check on the meat. Zayn stares at his back for a moment. “You know, we should try that.” 

“Try what?” Zayn asks, confusion taking over his body as he looks at Harry, the taller boy stepping closer to nudge him with his hip. 

“We can do some kind of role playing, or something. Wouldn’t it be fun? We don’t have to do the groupie and singer thing, they’re both really odd like that. I don’t even know how they came up with that, but we could pretend to be something.” 

“What’s wrong with pretending to be Zayn and Harry?” Zayn asks, not seeing the appeal in putting on a show just so he can have sex with Harry. He’d rather not have to feel like he has to work for it. The idea flares up the nagging thought in the back of his mind that he’s not enough for Harry anymore. 

“There’s nothing wrong with just being us,” Harry says carefully. “It’s just, it might be fun, you know. Not at first, but you know, we can try it eventually.” 

“Is that, um.” Zayn swallows, feeling a little small and unsure, unable to look Harry in the eyes. It’s tugging at the back of his mind, this feeling of inadequacy. There’s another thought, one that makes him wonder all the things that Harry has tried with other people, things that Zayn hasn’t in his inexperienced life. He’s only been with a few people, not enough to be considered a handful, and Harry’s the only person that has ever wanted to be with him for so long. “Is that something that you’ve done before? Like, um. Is that something you enjoy doing with people that you’re with?”

“Is this a conversation that you want to have with Niall in the next room?”

Zayn shrugs his shoulders, turning around to see that Niall’s not paying them any attention; instead he’s talking to his stuffed lion, telling it to sit still while he draws him. He turns back around to see that Harry is turning the heat down on the stovetop before he grabs Zayn’s hand and tugs him into the living room. 

“Why do you look upset? Like you might cry if I say the wrong thing,” Harry questions, stroking a gentle hand along Zayn’s jaw. “If you don’t want to do it, that’s fine. If don’t want to try anything like that, then that’s fine. I’m not implying anything. I don’t need any of those extras. I need you, and you’re enough. You’re more than enough.” 

“Okay,” Zayn says, releasing a deep breath. “I was just wondering, you know. I’ve never, um, you know. I don’t know if I want to. I like what we do now, just the two of us being the two of us. I don’t want to pretend you’re something else.” 

“Well, you could pretend that I’m a bit more handsome, use your imagination to make my muscles a little bigger. I wouldn’t mind that,” Harry jokes, leaning forward to knock his forehead against Zayn’s. 

“Nah, you’re good,” Zayn replies, nudging at Harry’s nose with his own. He pushes forward the short distance to kiss Harry quickly. He pulls away slowly and pats Harry on the cheek. “I’ll just wait for your looks to improve on their own. I’ll just suffer until then.” He smiles and quickly rushes off into the kitchen, moving to check on Niall and laughing when he sees the look on Harry’s face when he enters the kitchen, moving to finish dinner. 

~~~

Zayn never pays for what he said to Harry like he thought he did, instead they eat dinner like they normally do, give Niall his bath and get him ready for bed. Harry takes a shower while Zayn reads Niall his story and gets him to fall asleep. 

He finds Harry in bed, shaking his head when he sees that Harry is wearing nothing more than his boxer briefs, remembering what Niall said about Harry not wearing clothes. He’s got his phone in hand and Zayn slowly strips down before he crawls in bed next to him, flicking off the light on his side of the bed, the room illuminated from the lamp on Harry’s side. 

He doesn’t put his phone down, but he reaches out and pulls Zayn closer, tugging him closer until Zayn’s head is resting on his chest, arm draped across him and their legs slotted together. Harry finishes what he’s doing and tosses his phone to the side, using the now free hand to grip onto Zayn’s, using his thumb to trace the lines on Zayn’s palm. 

Zayn watches the moment, notices the way that Harry runs his finger across the ring that he’s wearing, the one that belongs to Harry. He remembers his conversation with Louis, about how the ring doesn’t mean anything and that it wasn’t given to him for any other reason besides to trick Sophia. Which is true, but that doesn’t explain why he still has the ring. It doesn’t explain why Harry is running his fingers across it like it means something to him, like it’s important that Zayn continue wearing it. 

The thought causes Zayn’s stomach to knot up. And when Harry’s fingers ghost over the ring once more, Zayn knows that he has to speak up, has to ask before he lets this become another thought that nips away at his mind, leaving him squirming with the unknown. 

“Harry, can I ask you something?” Zayn asks, pulling back a little so his head is no longer resting on Harry’s chest but his arm, so he can look up at see his boyfriend’s face. Harry hums, turning away from the television to look at Zayn. “Did you know that I’m still wearing your ring?” 

“Yeah, you never gave it back to me. Why?” Harry questions, pulling away slightly so he’s not staring down his nose at Zayn. 

“If you knew that I had it then why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you ask for it back?”

Harry shrugs, shifting Zayn around because of the movement of his arm. “Does it matter? It doesn’t matter to me. You’re wearing a ring that just so happens to be mine, I kind of like that. I’m not going to ask for it back and make you feel like you can’t wear it. And I like seeing it on you, whether it’s that finger or the one next to it or on the other hand. It doesn’t really matter to me.”

“So it’s okay with you if I want to keep wearing it?” Harry nods. “And it’s okay with you if I want to move it to the other hand?” Harry nods again. “Okay,” Zayn says, nodding his head. “Then, um, I’m going to keep it.”

“Mm, that’s good, babe,” Harry murmurs, yawning. He pats Zayn’s shoulder before he leans up and flicks the light off. He lies back down and tugs the blankets over their bodies before he wraps himself around Zayn. “I just like you wearing it. It doesn’t have to mean anything.” 

Zayn laughs, listening as Harry yawns again. “Go to sleep, Harry.”

Harry hums, nodding his head before he presses it into Zayn’s neck, sighing out against his skin. “Okay. Mm. Night, baby. Love you.” He tries to press a kiss to Zayn’s neck, the action barely anything as drifts off to sleep, Zayn’s fingers in his hair making him fall asleep a little faster than normal.


	41. Chapter 41

Zayn’s at work, sketchbook sprawled out across the counter, phone unlocked and on next to him, waiting to hear back from Harry, the two having been texting for most of the morning. Harry’s still nervous about song writing, sending Zayn different lines every ten minutes, asking him if it sounds all right, all of which have, but so far, it doesn’t seem like Harry’s interested in using any of them, too busy doubting himself to believe Zayn when he says that they’re good. He’s waiting for a response from his last text - where he told Harry that he’s amazing and shouldn’t be worried, Ellie would love them, she’d be stupid not to – when Louis calls his name from the kitchen, forcing him to tear his eyes away from the sketchbook to look at him. 

“Yes?” Zayn inquires, raising his eyebrow. 

“I just spoke with Liam, we’re going to meet at my place tomorrow to talk about, um, our relationship? I don’t know if that's the right way to put it, but anyway, we’re going to talk tomorrow,” Louis says, biting down on his bottom lip. “I’m so fucking scared right now.” 

“Don’t be,” Zayn replies, stepping forward to rest his head on the ledge of the little hole in the wall. “You love Liam, you want to get back together, and you’re willing to compromise. He loves you, he wants to get back together, and I’m sure he’s willing to compromise. Sounds like everything will be fine.”

Louis takes a deep breath and nods his head, trying to look like he believes Zayn. “I just mean, like, this is… We haven’t been together for months. And I can feel my skin prickling with anxiety about this whole thing.”

“You’re worried for nothing, it’ll all work out. Everything does,” Zayn replies. 

Louis bites his lip, looking at Zayn with worried eyes, like he’s trying so hard to believe Zayn but he just can’t do it. And Zayn gets it, that fear that the person you’re in love with might not want to be with you or they’ll find a reason not to. Zayn’s spent far too much time in his own relationship with the same thoughts and even though the situations are different, he gets it in his own way. He knows how scared Louis is and how stressed he’s going to get over the next twenty-four hours while he waits to see the outcome. So he sighs, trying his hardest to think of something that can make Louis feel better. 

“Take Niall tonight,” Zayn says, shrugging his shoulders when Louis looks at him. “I mean, if you want to.” 

“Of course I do, I just wasn’t expecting you to ask or to offer him to me.” 

“You seem a little stressed, and well, you do some stupid shit when you’re stressed, so take Niall. He’ll take your mind off of Liam and relationships and conversations, so you won’t have anything to worry about. Just… We’ll pick him up after work, grab some things from my apartment, and then you can take him to your house. I’m sure he’ll be excited, he loves sleepovers,” Zayn reasons, nodding his head, making a mental note to pack a hair tie so Niall won’t get fussy with Louis in the event hat he wants his hair done up like Harry’s. 

“You’re the best, you know that, right?” Louis says, grinning widely. “Oh god, I’m going to make sure that he has so much fun that he never wants to go back to your house. He’ll be mine forever.” 

Zayn snorts and rolls his eyes. “Right, good luck with that. He loves sleepovers but not that much.” 

“Well, don’t crush all my dreams in one day,” Louis mutters, turning his back on Zayn so he can finish cooking, having gotten distracted with their conversation. “But I can keep him until, like, an hour before Liam comes over, yeah? Is that all right?” 

“That’s fine,” Zayn replies, shrugging his shoulders even though Louis can’t see him doing it. “I plan on using this time to catch up on sleep anyway.” 

~~~ 

Zayn is waiting for Harry to get home before he takes a nap, having told his boyfriend to meet him at his apartment and not at Harry’s house. He’s waiting over an hour until Harry steps into the apartment a soft smile on his face as he tosses his phone and wallet down on the table. 

“Where’s Niall?” Harry questions, glancing around in confusion, his eyebrows knitted together. “He’s always here to greet me. Is he napping?” 

“No,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “I took him over to Louis’ apartment and he’s going to spend the night there tonight. I thought it would help calm Louis’ nerves about having his big talk with Liam tomorrow night. Niall’s very good at taking your mind away from things, unless it’s us, actually.” 

Harry nods his head carefully, staying in his position at the front door so he can take his shoes off. He pulls them off, stops and then takes a deep breath before he turns to look at Zayn. “You took him over to Louis’ place?” 

“That’s what I said, yes. Why?” 

Harry makes a face, frowning slightly as he shrugs his shoulders. “Just making sure that I heard that right.” 

Zayn watches Harry, taking in the way his eyebrows are pulled together, the way he’s glaring at the floor in concentration. He sighs, stepping forward to grab Harry’s hand and tugs him towards the couch, pushing him down on the furniture and taking the seat next to him. “You know, I understand your anger with Louis, I do. And I know that it’s not easy to forgive people when they’ve done you wrong, especially in the way that he did, but… I don’t know. He’s my best friend and he’s Niall’s uncle, godfather, and also, his best friend. I’m not going to take that away from Niall just because you’re still angry with him. Just like I didn’t take that away from you or Louis after that night. It’s not fair to him, so you’re free to be angry with Louis, but you’re not free to be angry that Niall is spending time with him.” 

“I’m not angry,” Harry replies, shaking his head. “I’m not. I just.” He sighs, pausing to think for a moment, wanting to filter through his mind to choose his words carefully. “I’m not sure how I feel about Louis anymore.” 

“All right, so don’t feel anything about him, but, like, you can’t be upset that he’s got Niall. It’s not fair to Niall for our feelings about the people he loves to get in the way of his relationships with them. I was hurt by both you and Louis for a short while and I allowed you both to see him,” Zayn explains, reaching out to card his fingers through Harry’s hair. “Niall doesn’t understand grown up relationships. He’s angry about other things, like not being able to swim, or not getting his hair put up, or being told that he can’t have candy. I want him to stay angry about those things, so I want him to be as blind as possible to our grown up issues.” 

“I wouldn’t take Niall away from Louis. I couldn’t, not really. I don’t have that kind of authority on his life,” Harry says, turning to look at Zayn, nudging Zayn’s hand with his head. 

“You’re right, you don’t,” Zayn replies, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I’d just go behind your back and let him see him anyway.”

Harry laughs, reaching between them to pinch Zayn’s ribs, tickling him for a second until Zayn slaps his hand away. Harry’s smiling at him, crinkling his nose up in an exaggerated way and showing off his teeth. He sighs, leaning forward to press his face in Zayn’s neck. “I will try to work on my Louis anger,” Harry mumbles into the skin. 

“Good, because he’s my best friend and you’re my boyfriend, and I’d really like it if one day, in the future, I could have you two in the same room without worrying about subtle digs being thrown from your end of things.” 

“Hey,” Harry cries, pulling out from Zayn’s neck. “I’m polite. I know how to behave.” 

“Oh, love. I’m afraid that I’m going to have to disagree,” Zayn teases, grinning at him. “But that’s why you’ve got me. I’m here to make you better. Don’t worry, I’ll fix you.” 

Harry looks at him for a moment before he growls under his breath and then pushes Zayn over so he’s lying out on the couch, assaulting Zayn’s ribs with his fingers, tickling him mercilessly. “Take that back,” Harry says. 

“No,” Zayn shouts, laughing and wiggling around underneath him, trying to get away. “Oh god. Stop tickling me, please, you monster.” 

“Not until you say that I’m perfect and you love me,” Harry sings, pausing for only a second so he can slide his fingers under Zayn’s shirt so he can tickle the bare skin. 

Zayn shifts around, trying his best to wiggle out from underneath Harry, the taller boy straddling his hips and pining him down to the couch. He tries, unsuccessfully until Harry shifts, giving Zayn the leverage that he needs to move, but all he does is manage to slide off the couch, dropping on the ground, wedged between the table and couch. He’s breathing heavily, laughing quietly for a second, because somehow, during his tumble, he managed to drag Harry with him, the older boy dropping on top of him, groaning. 

“Oh shit,” Harry groans, his face shoved into Zayn’s shoulder. “I hit my head on the table. Fuck.” 

Zayn huffs out a breath and sighs, trying his best to keep it together, even if it is a little difficult. He reaches up slowly, using his fingers to gently massage at Harry’s scalp, careful and tender. “All right?” He asks, fingers moving slowly. 

“No, I’m broken,” Harry mumbles, his words quiet and almost lost in the air because of his mouth being pressed against Zayn’s shoulder. 

“I thought you were perfect?” Zayn teases, biting back a smile when Harry pulls his face away from his shoulder to glare down at him. “Only teasing you, babe. I love you, even though you’re damaged now. Had to go and knock your head on the table, didn’t you?” 

Harry huffs, sitting up slowly, getting back onto the couch so he can tug Zayn up, helping him off the floor. “Was this your plan when you left Niall with Louis? To wound me?” 

“No, my plan was to take a wonderful nap so we could go out tonight and have fun, it’s been a while since it’s been just the two of us. And I don’t know about you, but my baba duties have left me exhausted this week, especially with Mr. Niall’s new little daddy obsession, so I could use a nap.”

“Well,” Harry says, turning to look at Zayn with a smile. “Niall can sense my perfection so I understand his obsession.” 

“Oh god,” Zayn groans, shoving Harry away from him playfully as he stands, walking past him towards the bedroom. “I’m going to bed.”

The sound of Harry’s laughter follows him down the hall, the sound getting closer and closer until Harry is there, his arms wrapping around Zayn from behind. 

~~~ 

Zayn wakes up in a daze, blinking slowly and rubbing at his eyes. He feels like he’s been asleep for days with the sun slowly setting out of his window and the heavy feeling deep in his bones, like he slept far longer than just a few hours. He rolls onto his side, facing Harry’s side of the bed to find him crawling back into bed, two Chinese take-out boxes in his large hands, his fingers spread wide as he carries the two of them and two forks. He smiles at Zayn, setting them down on the end table before he says, “you sleep all right?” 

“Fine,” Zayn groans, stretching out his muscles before he sits up, back pressed against the headboard. “I thought that were supposed to go out for dinner. Why’d you get all that?”

Harry shrugs his shoulders, handing Zayn a take out box and a fork. “I thought we were too, but you were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you. Besides, I got a little hungry so I ordered in.” 

“How long have you been awake?” 

“An hour and a half,” Harry replies easily, opening his container and groaning, the smell filling the air. “This is going to be great. Food always tastes better when you’re starved and you’ve been waiting almost an hour for it.” 

Zayn groans, but not because of the smell, but because he’d been sleeping while Harry was lying next to him in hunger, waiting for him to wake up. “You should have woke me,” he says, looking at Harry. “And no, don’t eat that here. We’ll eat this in the other room, I don’t want you to drop it on my blanket.”

Harry sighs, looking crestfallen as he stares at the food in longing. “All right,” he says, standing up carefully, waiting for Zayn to follow him out of the room. “And it’s not a big deal. I’m just not a very good napper. You’re better at sleeping in general.” 

Zayn laughs, the sound coming out more like a snort as he sits down on the couch next to Harry, waiting for the other boy to get settled before he throws his legs across Harry’s lap. “It’s nice to know you’re not perfect at everything, huh?”

Harry sighs, looking at him as he takes a bite of noodles, his tongue stuck out of his mouth as he waits for the food. “Will you put on a movie? I don’t want to hear anymore talk about how perfect I am.” 

“Yes, I will as long as your movie of choice doesn’t involve any animated characters or singing.” 

“Well,” Harry says, looking somber. “Now that you’ve ruined my entire night by taking that choice away, I guess I’ll leave that option up to you.” He’s smiling and it makes Zayn laugh, nudging Harry’s stomach with his knee. 

“I don’t really want to watch a movie.” 

“Why not?” 

“We were supposed to be going out and we wouldn’t be watching a movie at a restaurant, so I don’t want to watch one here. I just want to talk to you. I want to spend the evening being Zayn and Harry not Baba and Daddy.” 

Harry nods his head, swallowing the bite of food in his mouth. “All right, so what are we, as Zayn and Harry, going to talk about?” 

Zayn takes a moment to think, chewing thoughtfully as he watches Harry eat, taking bites that are far too large for his mouth, forcing his mouth open as wide as it can go, his tongue poking out as he tries to get the food inside. Zayn can’t help but smile as he watches, taking in the way that Harry’s cheeks puff out while he chews, too much food in his mouth, despite the noodle still dangling out between his lips. It’s endearing in the worst way possible and Zayn’s chest expands in admiration for the boy sitting next to him. 

“Do you remember when we first met?” Zayn asks, and without waiting for Harry to finish swallowing, he adds, “what did you think of me?” 

“Honestly? When I first saw you, I thought you were beautiful, the most beautiful, actually. It was so intimidating, you just had this intense look about you, and I don’t know. I kind of felt drawn to you, like I wanted to talk to you and get to know you, but you were so quiet and I honestly never expected that you had a son, but it never bothered me. Anyway, I was kind of happy when you took me back to your place because I thought that it would mean that we had to talk. But instead I spent the morning talking with Niall.” 

“And then you were trapped.” 

“Yeah, I was. I don’t know,” Harry says, shrugging his shoulders. “To have a kid that amazing, I knew that you’d have to be just as wonderful, if not more, and I was right.” 

“So we’re both here because we thought we were both pretty,” Zayn says, taking a bite of his noodles. “It’s odd how a simple attraction to each other can turn into love, don’t you think?”

“Not really,” Harry replies, setting his take out container on the table, having to lean over Zayn’s legs to do it. “I felt it when I saw you, not love, but I felt something. You just made me work to get the love, though.”

“Would you have wanted it any other way?” Zayn asks, smiling at Harry as he takes another bite of his food.

~~~ 

Zayn watches Harry finish brushing his teeth in the bathroom, the darker haired boy lying on the bed, staring into the joining room, waiting for him to finish. It takes him a minute, but when he does, he’s walking out of the bathroom in a pair of pale green boxer briefs, forcing an eye roll out of Zayn as he shimmies out of his pajama bottoms as he walks towards the bed. 

Harry drops down on the bed unceremoniously, grinning at Zayn as he props his head in his hand. “I had fun tonight, just the two of us, it was nice.” 

“Yeah,” Zayn agrees, scooting closer to Harry. “We should make Louis babysit once a week. I really liked having time to be Harry and Zayn, not Daddy and Baba. I love being Baba, I do, and I miss Niall like crazy, but I like spending time with you alone.” 

“Me too,” Harry says, leaning forward to kiss Zayn gently. “I’m glad that you brought me home that night, Zayn. I really love you, Zayn, and I wouldn’t change any of it. Well, one thing, but that’s besides the point.” 

“You are such a sap,” Zayn says, grinning. “And I love you, too, obviously.” 

Harry smiles at him again, fingers reaching up to run through Zayn’s hair before he leans forward and kisses Zayn again, crowding into his space and slowly pressing him back into the bed. It’s lazy kissing at it’s core, the slow drag of Harry’s tongue against Zayn as he sighs into his mouth, content to just let their mouths move together in the familiar way that they have for almost a year now. Over a year and a half if Zayn wants to think about the night they met instead of the night they got their shit together, not like they ever really did. 

They’re still a mess, but they work together in this way, like light tugging of Zayn’s hair and the firm grip on Harry’s hips. It’s nothing else but the simple way that they just fit together, Harry being everything that Zayn’s not and then some, Zayn being everything that Harry’s not an then some. They’re opposites, but two pieces of the same puzzle that sit side by side, matching up with each other and fitting together securely. Much like in the way that their bodies are pressed together now, their mouths still moving together in sync, an action that Zayn and Harry have perfected throughout the course of their relationship. 

Harry pulls away first, sighing and resting his head in the curve at the base of Zayn’s neck, breathing out against his skin. Zayn’s lips feel bruised and raw, he flicks his tongue out to moisten the skin while Harry presses a feather light kiss to his neck. 

Harry’s still lying on him, half his body on Zayn, the other half on the bed, but a constant weight and the feeling of Harry’s lips against his neck and the overwhelming thoughts of his feelings for the boy above him force him to rock his hips up slightly, sliding his hands down Harry’s ribs and settling on his hips, pulling them down as his own go up. It’s not much between them, two flimsy layers of cotton but he can feel Harry and it makes his head spin. 

“Zayn,” Harry breathes out, voice very much controlled as he bites back a groan, sounding like he’s on his way to being wrecked. “Is this, um...What are we about to do? I don’t want to spent fifteen minutes in the shower taking deep breathes tonight.” Harry pulls away to look at Zayn, staring down at him. 

Zayn wants to laugh but he doesn’t, instead he rocks his hips up again at the same time he presses his mouth against Harry’s, mumbling out the words “you won’t” against Harry’s lips. 

“Mm, hold on,” Harry mutters, pulling away slowly, he kisses Zayn once more before he sits up, dragging his fingers down the expanse of Zayn’s chest, finger stopping trace over the heart tattoo before he drags them down further and tugs Zayn’s boxers off, throwing them somewhere else in the room before he steps out of his own and crawls back on top of Zayn. 

This time when he kisses Zayn, Zayn can feel him in a different way, skin pressed against skin as Harry works his tongue into Zayn’s mouth. 

It’s unfamiliar territory, but it’s not the way that their bodies are used to working together, Harry on top of him with his hand wrapped around the two of them and kissing him wetly, Zayn swallowing the sounds drifting out of Harry’s mouth. It’s not how they usually do it, but it’s not something they’ve never done before. They’ve done it enough for Zayn to know the exact noise that Harry’s going to make before he unwraps his hand from around them and starts scrambling around for the bottle of lube. He hesitates on the condom, looking at Zayn with a raised eyebrow, waiting for Zayn to nod his head, which he does. It’s been a while and Zayn trusts Harry, knows that they’re at the stage where they can forego condoms, but he doesn’t want the added mess, and, if he’s honest with himself, it had taken him enough time to work up to this, he doesn’t want to back out now. Doesn’t think that he can, really. 

Harry settles back between Zayn’s legs, leaning down to kiss him slowly, getting his fingers slicked up without having to look and just as his fingers are ghosting across Zayn’s hole, teasing him slightly, he’s pulling away, breaking the kiss and breathing heavily, staring down at Zayn. 

“Zayn, I, um, I can’t…” Harry trails off, staring down at Zayn, trying to convey something with his eyes, and in if Zayn’s mind was overtaken with lust, he’d be able to read it, but right now all he knows is that Harry’s no longer touching him and he’s saying that he can’t. 

“You can’t?” Zayn repeats dumbly, blinking. 

“I can’t,” Harry says. 

And Zayn’s nods his head, releasing a sigh before he licks his lips, gripping on Harry’s arm. He’s ready to tell Harry that it’s okay and that he understands but then… He’s not sure that he and Harry are on the same page because Zayn can feel the heavy, hard weight of Harry pressed against his hip and that’s not the kind of can’t he’s talking about, not the kind of can’t that he’s talking about. Harry’s saying that he can’t with Zayn, which is… 

Zayn can feel the air being sucked out of his lungs, the steady rise of panic beginning to course through his body. It’s exactly what he had expected, what he had thought would happen and he wants to be sick, needs to get to the bathroom before he ruins his sheets. But then Harry is shushing him, brushing at his hair and pressing a kiss to forehead. 

“I don’t mean that I can’t do this,” Harry says carefully, pulling away and locking eyes with Zayn. “I mean that I can’t do it in this way. I want you.”

Zayn looks at him, the genuine look in Harry’s eyes, and smiles. “All right, switch me places,” Zayn orders, patting the side of Harry’s thigh, fingers grazing Harry’s ass as he does it. 

They flip around until Harry’s lying out on the bed, pillows underneath him and legs spread wide, a filthy grin on his face that causes Zayn to groan, because Zayn hasn’t seen that look in a while, has missed that look, and fuck if they’re not sending Niall away to Louis’ once a week so he can be sure to see it again and see it again soon. 

Zayn kisses Harry as he works him open, one finger and then another and then a third, twisting and curving them around until Harry is withering beneath him, begging Zayn to get on with it. And Zayn nods, working quickly to get the condom on before he pulls Harry closer, spreading his thighs apart wider and leaving down to kiss him. He kisses him slowly, wanting to taste the gasp that escapes Harry’s lips as Zayn pushes inside of him, just as slow as the drag of his tongue in Harry’s mouth until he’s completely bottomed out, groaning quietly. 

Something about this, something about being inside of Harry, his hips moving carefully as Harry grips his hands and kisses him, quiet little whimpers and groans drifting from his mouth into Zayn’s. It’s this level of intimacy and the deep connection that roots them together at their cores that solidifies something inside of Zayn, edging away at the insecurities drifting through him since Harry shared that night with Louis. It doesn’t erase them completely, but it does something. Zayn can feel it. 

And it doesn’t matter what Harry might have done with Louis because this action of being connected as one, their bodies physically connected, the lines blurring about where one begins and the other ends, this is for Zayn. This is something that will always be theirs together and it spreads a feeling of warmth throughout Zayn’s chest, helping him to understand that Harry really is sorry and that he doesn’t have anything to worry about when it comes to being enough for Harry. 

Harry throws his head back, groaning quietly and cursing, rocking his ups to meet Zayn’s. “I love you,” Harry breathes out, looking at Zayn before he’s kissing him again, taking their interlocked hands and dragging them down between them, untangling their fingers and nudging at his dick. 

Zayn takes a hint, his fingers wrapping around Harry, working him in time with his hips as his stomach begins to twist, a heavy pull in his gut before he groans and then they’re coming and Zayn’s not sure who was first because his vision goes white as he feels Harry clenching around him, his nails digging into the skin at Zayn’s lower back. 

They lay like that for a while, Zayn collapsing on top of Harry while he tries to catch his breath. 

“What time is Niall coming home tomorrow?” Harry asks, his voice completely wrecked, deep and gritty. 

“Evening,” Zayn mumbles, pulling out of Harry slowly and pulling the condom off and knotting it up. He uses Harry’s boxers to clean off his stomach, the article of clothing lying on the edge of the bed. Standing up from the bed with shaky legs, he throws the condom in the trash and Harry’s boxers in the trash and goes back to join Harry in bed, not even fully lying down before Harry is wrapping around, barely giving enough time to flick the lamp off. He manages, though, lying back on the bed and wrapping his arm around Harry’s shoulder. “Why’d you ask when Niall would be home?” 

“Because we’re doing that again, maybe even a time after that. And I want to make sure that we have enough time. I’m not sure I can go again tonight, I’m exhausted.” 

Zayn breathes out a laugh, shaking his head. “Yeah, you did a lot of work just lying. I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

“Mm,” Harry hums, nuzzling his face against Zayn’s bare chest. “I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, do all the work.”

“Looking forward to it,” Zayn replies, letting out a sigh as he closes his eyes, listening as Harry’s breathing goes from almost silent to louder snores, signaling that he’s asleep.


	42. Chapter 42

Niall’s dropped off in a rush the next afternoon, Louis tossing Zayn his bag and his child before he’s rushing off, shouting about how Liam wanted to meet earlier than planned and he had to get ready still. Zayn hadn’t been expecting Niall for a few more hours, not until nearly dinnertime, but instead Niall had shown up at almost noon with a smile on his face, shoving past Zayn into the apartment and shouting about how he was hungry. 

“Did you have fun with Uncle Louis?” Zayn asks, watching as Niall eats his lunch. 

“Yes, Baba,” Niall says, nodding his head. 

“Were you a good boy for Uncle Louis? I didn’t get to ask him to make sure that you were behaved.” 

“I good boy,” Niall confirms, nodding his head. “Lou not.”

“Uncle Louis wasn’t good? What’d he do? Did he yell at you?”

Niall shakes his head, moving his sippy cup with him. “He not yell. Niall yell.” 

“You yelled at Louis?” Asks Zayn, his eyebrows knitted together as he watches Niall nod. “Why?”

“He say no. I say yes. Niall say yes, Baba,” Niall explains, smiling at Zayn for a moment before he takes another bite of food. 

Zayn sighs and tries not to laugh, because in a weird way, Niall has told on himself for his own bossy behavior instead of telling on Louis, who probably told him no with a valid reason behind it. “You’ve very bossy, did you know that?” 

“I not,” Niall says, shaking his head and glaring at Zayn. “I not boss.” 

“Just a bit, sweetheart. Daddy and I will have to work on that,” Zayn sighs, shaking his head. Zayn was hoping to avoid this phase in Niall’s life, along with his teenage years where his attitude will be in full swing, but Niall’s always been a little demanding. He makes a mental note to try and remember to talk to Harry about it later when Niall is sleeping. 

“Where Daddy?” Niall asks, squinting his eyes as he looks at Zayn. 

“Daddy’s still sleeping,” Zayn answers. “He was very tired, so he went back to sleep after breakfast. He’ll probably be awake soon.” 

Niall sighs and shakes his head. “Daddy not sleep.” He tries to climb off the chair, but Zayn grabs his arm and gently coaxes him back onto the wooden structure. “Baba, no.”

“Niall, you need to finish your juice. Daddy’s sleeping and we can wake him up, but you need to finish your juice first, okay?” 

Niall picks up his cup obediently, puts it in his mouth and tilts it back so he can drain it faster. Zayn watches him drink it and tries to come up with a way to sneak out of the room to go and wake Harry before Niall can. He’s not entirely sure that Harry’s clothed in the bedroom. He knows that the blankets are him, Harry had grumbled about being cold but Zayn didn’t stay in their bedroom long enough to find out if Harry used more than the blankets to get warmth. 

“I done,” Niall says, setting the cup on the table and sliding out of his car. 

“Niall, how about you get one of your stuffed animals? Get one of them and then wake Daddy, you can give it to him to help him wake up,” Zayn says, nudging Niall towards the living room. He looks at Zayn skeptically before he rushes off to get it out of his bag that Louis dropped off with him. 

Zayn leaves Niall to get his stuffed animal while he goes to check on Harry. Lifting the edge of the blanket, he sees that Harry isn’t wearing a shirt but he does have on a pair of sweatpants and that’s better than nothing, especially when it’s Niall that’s going to be waking him. 

“Baba, I do,” Niall says, entering Zayn and Harry’s bedroom. He tosses his stuffed animal onto the bed before he pulls himself up, scooting close to Harry. “Daddy up.” Niall’s words are accompanied with him rubbing his hand up and down Harry’s cheek. “Daddy.”

Harry groans as he wakes, his eyes blinking opening slowly as he looks at Niall, a slow smile spreading across his face. “Niall, what are you doing here?” Harry asks, his voice deep and gravely as he rolls onto his back. “Is it really that late?”

“No, it’s a little after lunch time. Louis brought him home early,” Zayn says, watching as Harry nods his head while rubbing at his eyes. 

“I could sleep for the rest of the day, is he ready for a nap?” Harry questions, pulling one of his hands away to look at Zayn through squinted eyes. 

“Daddy, I pee,” Niall says, pulling Harry’s hands away from his eyes to smile at him. “I pee.”

“Come here, Ni,” Zayn says, leaning over Harry to grab Niall. “Let Daddy wake up and I’ll change you.”

“No,” Niall says, pushing at Zayn’s hands. “Daddy do it.”

“All right,” Zayn says, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’ll go make Daddy’s lunch.” He ruffles Niall’s hair and sticks his tongue out at him when he hears Niall huff out and ask Harry to fix it like Daddy hair. 

~~~ 

“Ni, baby, do you know what outfit you want to wear to the park?” Zayn asks, standing in front of Niall’s open closet. 

“What Daddy wear?” Niall asks, cleaning up the toys on his floor like Zayn asked him to do. It’s not much, but it was Niall that threw it all out on the floor so Zayn figures that it’s only natural to start instilling that Niall begins to pick up his own toys. 

Zayn sighs and ignores Niall’s question, choosing instead to rummage through his closet for a pair of jeans and a light blue colored shirt. He tosses them on Niall’s bed before he gets a pair of socks out of the dresser. 

“It clean, Baba,” Niall says, setting the last book on top of his bookshelf. It’s supposed to go on the shelf, pressed snug between two books, and not on top of the whole thing, but Zayn’s not going to get picky when Niall is doing actual cleaning. 

“It’s beautiful, good job,” Zayn praises, kneeling down on the floor to kiss Niall’s forehead before he gets him dressed quickly, trying to appear like he’s not doing anything while insists to do it all himself. “All right, run and get your shoes, make Daddy put them on you. He’s in there watching TV.” 

Zayn groans as he stands, tossing Niall’s other outfit into the hamper, fixing the books and placing them on the shelf properly, and putting away other things in their proper place before he heads into the living room, walking in on Niall begging Harry to put his hair up in a pony tail. 

“Daddy, do hair,” Niall whines, holding onto Harry’s hand and shaking it around. “Daddy.” 

Harry sighs and Zayn can see that he’s ready to cave in, and Zayn’s not sure how long Niall has been asking or what Harry might have said to Niall, but he really doesn’t want Niall’s hair up when they’re out of the house. It’s one thing when they’re in the house together or at Louis’ place, but he really doesn’t want it out in public.

“All right, let me just-“ Harry starts to say, but Zayn cuts him off. 

“Harry,” Zayn says, looking at him, trying to convey with his eyes that he’d prefer if Niall’s hair weren’t up while they were out. 

Harry looks at him for a moment before he sighs and nods his head. “Niall, don’t you want your hair to look like Daddy and Baba’s? We don’t have our hair up, so wouldn’t you like to have yours down and flat, too?” 

Niall looks at Harry, blue eyes blinking slowly, small hands reaching up to touch the edges of Harry’s hair before he breaks out in a smile. “Okay, Daddy. I not up hair.”

“Now can we go to the park?” Zayn asks, bending over to pick Niall up. “Your outfit is perfect, your shoes are on, and you look handsome. Is that good enough for the park?”

“Oh, Baba,” Niall says, smiling before he wraps his arms around Zayn’s neck. 

~~~

“Niall, if you’re walking then you have to hold my hand,” Zayn instructs, lifting Niall out of his car seat and setting him down on the ground, he gently moves him away from the car so he can close the door and tries to grab Niall’s hand, but Niall pulls it away, tucking his arms behind his back. 

“No,” Niall says. “Not hold.” 

“All right, then you’re going to be carried. You either hold hands or you get carried around.”

“Daddy hold hand,” Niall says, holding his hand out for Harry to grab when Harry comes to stand next to him. 

Harry shoves his keys into his pocket before he takes Niall’s hand and smiles at Zayn, are we ready?”

“Well, whose hand do I get to hold?” Zayn asks, looking at Niall and Harry. “Can I hold Daddy’s hand, too?” 

Niall sighs. “No, Baba.” 

“Can I hold Baba’s hand?” Harry asks, smirking at Zayn for a moment before he glances down at Niall. “Would that be okay?” 

Niall thinks about it for a moment, looking back and forth between the two of them before he nods. “Yes. Okay, Daddy.”

“Why is it everything I say gets a no but you ask the same thing and it’s a yes? When did this happen?” Zayn questions, linking his fingers with Harry’s as they begin to walk towards through the park. 

They’re heading towards the playground, wanting to give Niall some time to play before they walk around until it’s time to head home for dinner. 

Niall guides them through the park, asking them different questions about things that he sees people doing, like sunbathing, flying kites, rollerblading while also begging to go see various dogs that are being walked or the ones running after toys that their owners throw. Zayn doesn’t believe he’s serious about meeting them, because he begs but then he’s gasping about something else that’s happening and rambling on about it in an excited voice.

“Do you want to go play?” Harry asks when they finally reach the perimeter of the playground, standing at the edge of the special made flooring that covers the perimeter before it turns into normal concrete or grass, depending on where you’re standing. 

“No, Daddy,” Niall says, shaking his head. He lets go of Harry’s hand and steps behind him, peeking out from behind his legs to watch the other children that are running around. 

“Ni, you don’t have to play out here, we can go to the swings or keep walking. What do you want to do?” Zayn asks, letting go of Harry’s hand to properly look at Niall. 

Niall doesn’t answer, instead he watches the children in front of him play and run around until he steps out from behind Harry. 

“Hi,” Niall says, waving slightly. Zayn follows his gaze and sees a little girl with light brown hair that’s up in two braids standing at the end of the slide, she’s looking at Niall and waving back. She doesn’t say anything, just watches him. 

“Hi,” Niall says again. “Baba I play.” He smiles at Zayn before he steps forward, walking across the short distance until he’s in front of the little girl and repeating his greeting once more, followed by, “I Niall.”

Zayn doesn’t hear what she says because she and Niall are walking away from him, climbing up the little steps that lead to the slide. 

“He thinks she’s cute,” Harry says, grinning at Zayn as he tugs him over towards a bench that’s a few feet away, keeping them in a place where they can see Niall no matter where he goes, but Zayn plans on moving around the playground to make sure that he’s not far from his son. 

“Don’t say that,” Zayn says, tearing his eyes away from Niall only to nudge at Harry’s shoulder. “He’s too little to think anyone is cute.”

“How easy do you think it’s going to be to get him to get him back home now that he’s found a friend?” Harry asks, wrapping his arm around Zayn’s shoulder. 

“We’ll have to promise him ice cream or something, bribe him to come home,” Zayn replies, watching as Niall and the little girl go down the slide together, a wide smile on Niall’s face. He waves at Harry and Zayn when he reaches the bottom but then he’s rushing to follow after the little girl to climb up the slide once more. 

~~~ 

As it turns out, promising Niall ice cream after dinner is the only way to bring him home. So, true to their word, they feed Niall dinner and watch a movie before Zayn slips away into the kitchen to get three bowls filled with dessert while Harry sits Niall down at the table. 

Zayn’s got the bowls laid out on the counter and is pulling the lid off the ice cream container when Harry joins him, sliding into the space next to Zayn. 

“We’re going for tattoos tomorrow,” Harry says, and it’s not at all what Zayn was expecting to hear. 

Zayn raises his eyebrow, looking at Harry questioningly. “We are?” 

“Yeah, you said that you wanted a tattoo. So we’re going to get one,” Harry explains. “Do you know what you want?” 

“I do, yes,” Zayn says, grabbing spoons out of the drawer, dropping two of them in the bowls and using the third to begin scooping ice cream. “But I’m not going to tell you.” 

“Fine, have your secrets. I’ll just keep mine to myself as well,” Harry says, folding his arms over his chest and tilting his chin up in the air. “Even though I would love to tell you, I’m not going to.”

Zayn laughs, shaking his head as he continues to drop the ice cream into the bowls. It’s harder without a proper scoop, but oh well. He’s only got three bowls to fill and one of them will be significantly less full than the other two. 

“You know, if you were ice cream, you’d be mint,” Harry says, watching closely as Zayn drops a scoop into Niall’s bowl. 

Zayn looks at him and says, “Mint?” 

“Yeah,” Harry says, nodding his head. “Mint chocolate chip.” 

“Out of all the flavors, that’s the one you pick?”

“Yeah,” Harry says, looking at Zayn like he’s offended that Zayn doesn’t like the kind he’s chosen. “It’s refreshing and overpowering, but not in a way that you can’t handle, but just in a way where it consumes your senses while you’re having it. It leaves behind a taste so even when you’re not eating it, it lingers for a while. It’s not a predictable flavor; it’s often overlooked, not by everyone, though. The people who love it, they really, really love it. And that’s you.” 

Zayn doesn’t know what to think about Harry’s words or how to feel about the way he’s inadvertently complimenting him, so he just nods his head and hopes that the blush spreading across his cheeks doesn’t show. “That’s me, huh?” Zayn mutters, digging the spoon into the ice cream so he can turn to look at Harry. 

“Yeah, you’re overpowering and overwhelming. You’re strong and sometimes you’re overlooked, most of the time you’re overlooked, or you were, when you were younger. But people love you, they really love you, like me and Niall,” Harry says, picking up the spoon that Zayn set down so he can finish putting ice cream in all the bowls. “And it has chocolate chips in it sometimes, which just goes to show that despite how strong it is and overwhelming, it’s still really sweet.” 

“You’re hitting on me using an ice cream comparison, aren’t you?” Zayn asks, grinning widely as he watches Harry. 

“Is it working?” Harry questions, dimples on full display as he smiles back at Zayn. 

“No,” Zayn lies, biting back a smile as he grabs the bowl of vanilla ice cream off the counter meant for Niall. 

“You’re a liar,” Harry calls after him, laughing lightly and Zayn bites back a laugh of his own, especially when he sees a pouting Niall sitting at the table. 

“Baba, I hungry,” Niall says, grumpy expression on his face. 

“Well, good thing that I’ve got your ice cream right here, huh?” Zayn says, setting the bowl down in front of Niall. “Daddy still has my ice cream, so I’m going to get it and then we’ll eat together, okay?” 

Niall doesn’t answer, just mumbles out a quiet ‘yummy’ as he picks up his spoon to begin eating. Zayn sighs and leaves his son along to eat his ice cream. 

Harry’s putting the ice cream back into the freezer when Zayn rounds the corner, two bowls of vanilla left sitting on the counter. Zayn looks at them for a moment, picking up his own and thinks about Harry and what flavor he’d use to describe him. 

“I don’t know what flavor you’d be, not one that’s in a package at least. You’re not a brand that could be picked off a shelf,” Zayn starts, taking a deep breath. “But you’d be chocolate with caramel and fudge or brownies or something. I don’t know, maybe that’s already a flavor, but that’s you.” 

“Why?” 

“Chocolate is reliable. You can always count on it to taste good and it never fails you. You don’t fail people, or even if you do, you’re still a constant for them. I can always count on you. And everyone loves chocolate,” Zayn says slowly, trying to concentrate on keeping his train of thought. “Caramel because you’re smooth and sweet, sometimes to the point where you’re incredibly overwhelming, in a different way than the mint.” 

“But what about the fudge and brownies?” Harry asks, stepping closer to Zayn so he can pick his own bowl up off the counter. “I mean, those sound like the most important bits.” 

Zayn shrugs. “Those are just because I like them, actually. They’re special to me.”

“All right, I can handle that,” Harry mumbles, nodding his head. “Now, if you’re done flirting with me, we’ve got a little boy in there that, while he’s probably not looking for us, would want us in there with him. Unless you’re not finished, then I could listen to more.” 

“You’re the worst, honestly,” Zayn says, pushing at Harry’s shoulder and laughing before he goes to join Niall at the table. 

“Well, I love you,” Harry mocks, sitting down in the chair next to Niall and smiling wickedly at Zayn. “Niall, do you love Baba?”

“Love Baba give ice cream,” Niall says in response. 

“You love me because I give you ice cream?” Zayn asks. 

“Yeah,” Niall replies, smiling briefly before he puts another spoonful of ice cream in his mouth.


	43. Chapter 43

“Harry, I don’t understand why you think Niall needs more stuff,” Zayn says, lifting up one of the toys on the shelf, looking at it before he shoves it further back before Niall can see it. 

It might have been Harry’s idea to spend the morning buying something, but it’s not Zayn’s, so he’s going to make sure that Niall can’t buy any big items. He’s been trying to keep him away from the electronics, but Harry has a way of distracting him that leads them back to the aisles that he wants to avoid. 

“We went to the park the other day, so I wanted us to do something else together as a family,” Harry answers. “Niall, no, don’t trying to climb the shelves.” 

Zayn groans, stepping around Harry and grabbing Niall’s hand, forcing him to hold onto him. “This is why we hold hands or we get carried. You can’t do that stuff, okay?” 

“Okay,” Niall says, snatching his hand away from Zayn, glaring at him before he takes Harry’s. 

Zayn sighs. “You know most people watch movies or come up with activities to spend time together as a family,” Zayn mutters, continuing his conversation with Harry. “I don’t think shopping really counts.”

Harry pulls a face at him, scrunching his nose up and squinting his eyes. “Okay, Ni, let’s go look at the books, okay? We’ve walked up and down all these toy aisles and you don’t seem interested in any of them.” 

Zayn follows closely behind, watching as Harry bends down to pick Niall up so they can make it to the books faster. It bums Zayn out a bit, because it’s funny watching Harry walk slightly hunched to one side so he can get his arm to a place that’s comfortable for Niall but uncomfortable for him. 

The walk up and down the book aisle, Niall grabbing the ones with the covers that he thinks are pretty, handing them all to Zayn who filters through them and gives the ones that they’re going to buy to Harry. 

“Baba, this,” Niall says, grabbing a book off the rack and passing it to Zayn.

“Niall,” Zayn says carefully, staring down at the bright pink book in his hand. It has two ballerinas on the cover, one bigger than the other along with sparkly letters that say ‘I’m a Big Sister’ across the top. He sighs and smiles. “Baby, this is a book for big sisters. You’re not a big sister, are you sure that you want this?” 

“Book for Niall,” Niall says, pulling the book down in Zayn’s hands so he can tap his finger against the letters. “Niall.” 

“All right,” Zayn mumbles, passing the book over to Harry. “Let’s put that in your keep pile.” 

“You know, just because he won’t ever be a big sister that doesn’t mean he won’t enjoy the book,” Harry says. 

“I know,” Zayn replies, taking the next book that Niall hands him. “But I’d still like for him to understand what’s inside each book that he’s getting. He picked it because he thought the cover was pretty, so I’m telling him what’s inside it.” He sets the book back on the shelf, realizing that Niall already has it. “Anyway, what time are we supposed to be getting tattoos? I need to call Louis and make sure that he’s free.” 

“Not until later,” Harry answers. “I think our appointment is at five. I’ll have to check, it’s written down at home, but we could probably go in earlier, if we want to. The artist loves me, and my idea isn’t that large, so it won’t take long. Will yours take a while?” 

“I don’t know,” Zayn says, shrugging. “We’ll just have to see what the artist says.” 

“You could tell me, I’m sure I’d know. I’m very knowledgeable in tattoos,” Harry says, grinning. 

“Yeah,” Zayn says, poking Harry in the ribs. “I already told you that it’s a surprise, so stop trying.”

“All right, all right,” Harry huffs, pouting slightly. “I’ll drop it, but only if you help me find a ‘Daddy and me’ book. I want a book for me.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No.” 

“No?” 

“No, I don’t want ‘Daddy and me’ books, they don’t make ‘Baba and me’ books, so. And bedtime stories is my thing, you can’t have it. You get to hold his hand, you get the hugs and the kisses, and he listens to you. You can’t have bedtime stories.” 

“Well,” Harry says, huffing out a breath. “Tell me how you really feel.” 

Zayn smiles and pokes Harry’s dimple on his cheek until he smiles back at him. “It’s not you, love. We can a ‘Daddy and me’ book, if you really want to. You can read it to him when I’m not around, but it won’t be a bed time story.” 

Harry considers it for a moment before he nods. “You’re getting awfully good at compromising,” he says, knocking his shoulder against Zayn’s. “That’s good, because it means I still have time to learn what your tattoo is going to be.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes and shoves another book in Harry’s hand, ignoring the sound of his laughter as he catches up with Niall, helping him get another book. 

~~~ 

“How is my favorite person in the entire world?” Louis asks, pulling open his front door and taking Niall away from Harry. “Have Daddy and Baba been treating you well?”

Niall sighs, shaking his head. “No.” 

Louis glances up and looks and Zayn, who rolls his eyes. “Niall, don’t lie.” 

“You not,” Niall says, still looking at Louis. “Baba not.” 

“Hmm, well, I’ll talk to him about it.” Louis mutters, setting Niall down on the ground. “You stay in here with Daddy and I’ll talk to Baba. Baba, follow me, please.” 

Zayn looks at Harry, shaking his head. “Talk to him about lying,” Zayn instructs Harry before he follows Louis into the kitchen. He bypasses Louis and grabs a glass out of the cabinets and makes a class of water. “So, are you going to lecture me?” 

“No,” Louis says, shaking his head. “But I heard Harry telling you behind the door to stop shaking, then I heard you say that you were nervous about my conversation with Liam, so I figured that you were wanting to talk. Better to let Niall think that you’re being punished instead of like we want to have a conversation without him.” 

Zayn narrows his eyes over the brim of his glass, staring at Louis. “You’re deceptive.” 

“Yeah,” Louis says, sighing. “Kind of why I’m in a mess with Liam and why I’m seeing a therapist.” 

“I didn’t mean it like that, Louis.” 

“I know, but I’m just saying. In order to fix your problems, you kind of have to admit that they’re there.”

Zayn nods, taking a sip of water. “So. Should I ask how the therapy is going or should I ask how things went with Liam?” 

“Good, and I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know?” 

Louis nods, taking the water from Zayn and taking a sip from it. “Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on with Liam. We’re still working on it.” 

“You’re still working on it?” 

“Yeah, it turns out that we have a lot of issues that we have to work through. I mean, fighting about kids and marriage was the least of our worries,” Louis admits, shrugging his shoulders. “Actually, it was the biggest of our worries, but we had a lot of small issues along the way. Like, how neither of us wants to be the one to admit that we’re wrong. We both want to be in charge and we never realized until now, and a relationship can’t work if people are fighting to be in control.” 

Zayn nods slowly, watching as Louis drinks the water that he made for himself. He knew that Louis and Liam both liked to take charge in different ways, both of them desperately wanting to be in control but never stopping to come together and figure out how to meet halfway. He’s seen it firsthand, the way that all of their fights revolve the way that they won’t give in to each other. It’s all push and no pull, never wanting to back down. 

“But it’s nothing that you could have accomplished in one night? Like, your problems are so bad that you have to extend conversations to make them all better?”

Louis shrugs, setting the glass down on the counter. “Not all of us can be as hopelessly in love as you and Harry are.” 

“You’re hopelessly in love, Louis,” Zayn corrects, gently rubbing Louis’ shoulder. “Harry and I are just… He’s an idiot, he never lets me fight with him.” 

“God, Harry’s the worst,” Louis teases, poking Zayn in the ribs. “What kind of boyfriend doesn’t want to fight with you?” 

Zayn shrugs. “Only the really awful ones, I suppose.” 

Louis laughs, shaking his head before he grabs Zayn by the elbow and leads him back to the front room. “Niall, I’ve taken care of Baba and he shouldn’t be giving you anymore trouble.” 

“Can your awful Baba get a hug and kiss goodbye?” Zayn asks, shrugging out of Louis’ grasp to kneel in front of Niall. He holds his arms out and does his best to looks desperate, hoping that Niall will feel sorry for him enough to want to hug him.

Niall smiles and jumps forward, wrapping his arms around Zayn’s and squeezing tightly. “You not awful.”

“Love me?” Zayn asks, kissing Niall on the cheek. 

“Love Baba,” Niall says before he kisses Zayn on the cheek in return. 

“And you’re done telling lies, right?” 

“I not lie,” Niall says, shaking his head. “Daddy lie.” 

Zayn sighs and makes a note to look into ways to get your toddler to stop lying and blaming everyone else. 

~~~

“It’s not too late, you know,” Harry says, his knee bouncing as they wait for someone to bring them back to a chair. 

“Too late for what?”

Zayn shakes his head and pulls up the sleeves of his shirt. It’s far too hot in this tattoo parlor to be wearing long sleeves, but unfortunately, it’s too late to take it back. 

“Too late to tell me what you’re getting,” Harry says, shifting around in his leather chair to look at Zayn. 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “You know, I haven’t been hounding you to know about your tattoo.” 

“Well, ask me what it is.” 

“What do you plan on getting today?” 

Harry smiles, all of his teeth along with his dimples on full display. “I can’t tell you, you’ll have to wait.” He moves in time to miss the hand that Zayn is trying to use to shove him away, shaking his head. “I’m kidding.” 

“Then tell me what you’re getting.” 

“I’m going to get a surprise,” Harry says, still grinning at Zayn. 

“I told Louis that you were really awful, and I was joking with him, but I think that now I might have been serious. You’re really awful,” Zayn says, tangling his fingers with Harry’s. 

Harry leans down and rests his head on Zayn’s shoulder, ignoring the comment about him being awful, but Zayn can feel the vibrations of his laughter against his side. 

“Promise that you won’t try to peek.” 

“I won’t,” Harry confirms, squeezing Zayn’s hand. “Mine won’t take long, I’ll wait until they say you’re finished and then I’ll walk over to you.”

~~~

Zayn grabs his shirt, clutching it to his stomach so that it’s out of the way of the tattoo artist and looks at the ink on his chest. He had asked him to wait for the bandages, saying that he wanted to show his boyfriend before it got covered. It’s something that he’s wanted to get done for ages, a perfect copy of Niall’s handprint from when he’s a month old right underneath the tips of the wings of his other chest piece and next to the smoking skull with the top hat. 

The shading of it is perfect and Zayn feels his stomach knotting up in excitement, because it’s there, his son’s hand on his chest forever. 

“You like it?” The artist asks and Zayn nods, unable to form words that articulate how much he loves it. 

Zayn’s still staring at his tattoo in the mirror when he sees Harry in the mirror behind him, he smiles at him through the glass before he turns to look at him. “Surprise?” 

“Is that Niall’s?” Harry asks, taking a step forward so he can look at the ink. Zayn nods and Harry smiles at him. “I thought that you’d be getting something for him. I didn’t think it’d be his hand, though.” 

“I’ve wanted it, just never really found the time and was always coming up with different ideas,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know, always had an excuse to put it off.” 

“It looks good,” Harry says. 

“Yeah, when he masters his writing and he’s able to spell his own name, I want to get that written along the thumb and edge of his hand,” Zayn says, tracing his finger over the area of skin that he means. 

“I love it,” Harry mumbles and Zayn looks up at him, smiling. It’s the first time that he’s looking at Harry straight on and not in the mirror, no longer focusing on his own tattoo that he sees the letters etched on Harry’s shoulders, the N and the Z. 

“Harry,” Zayn says, staring at the letters. He doesn’t know what to say because it’s not at all what he was expecting Harry to get. He assumed it would be something else silly, like the butterfly-moth-thing on his stomach or the giant blob meant to be a realistic heart right underneath another heart, like the on Zayn’s hip, a coincidence that they have the same tattoo. 

“I called Liam, he’s over at Louis’ place. I asked him to watch Niall for a little while longer so we could get dinner. Do you want to get dinner with me?”

Zayn nods, still unable to formulate a coherent sentence as the artist comes back in and places a bandage over Harry’s shoulders. Zayn watches in silence, trying to figure out words to tell Harry, because he has to say something. 

“I’m going to go pay,” Harry says, shrugging on his shirt and turning to leave. Zayn nods again and let’s the tattoo artist cover his tattoos, hoping that words come to him. 

~~~ 

It’s not a fancy place that Harry takes him, just somewhere that they can sit down and enjoy a simple meal together. Harry leads Zayn to a table before he disappears to order their food, coming here enough to know what Zayn is going to order. 

Zayn still hasn’t said anything about the tattoos on Harry’s skin, but he wants to. 

“They’re going to bring our food over when it’s ready,” Harry says, setting their number down on the table so the workers can find them. “I got you a water, wasn’t sure what else you’d want to drink. They’re bringing that too, I guess.” He runs his fingers through his hair. He looks on edge and Zayn knows that it’s because of silence on the tattoos. 

“You got a tattoo for me and my son,” Zayn finally says when he can feel Harry’s leg vibrating underneath the table, brushing up against his every so often. 

“I did,” Harry confirms, nodding his head. 

“It’s going to be there for the rest of your life.” 

“It will be, yes. I’ve figured that out after the last couple ones.” 

“Right,” Zayn says, nodding his head. He doesn’t know why this is so hard for him to wrap his head around. “Why would you get a tattoo for us?” 

“Because I love you and I plan to be with you for as long as I can, and at this point, Niall’s my son too, so, you know, I figured why not,” Harry replies, shrugging his shoulders, something so unapologetic about his demeanor. 

“What if something happens to us and we’re no longer together? Do you really want a reminder of me on your body forever?” Zayn asks, wanting so badly to reach out and trace the Z on Harry’s shoulder underneath his shirt. “I mean, that’s. It’s forever.”

“It is and sometimes when you’re in love, you do something like this. And you want a reminder of it; you want to remember your love for someone. You want to seal it forever in some way. Maybe not forever, but you want to have your own reminder of it. Liam wants a wedding band and for Louis to have his last name, I wanted these.” 

“But what if something bad happens?” 

“What do you think could happen that hasn’t already happened?” Harry asks, his face expectant, like he’s waiting for Zayn to list something off that they haven’t already been through. “I’ve already cheated on you, so unless you’re expected some sort of physical abuse, then what else is there?” 

“No,” Zayn says, shaking his head. He doesn’t think that about Harry, at all. “Sometimes things don’t work out, sometimes people fall out of love. Would you want that on your skin then?” 

“Yeah,” Harry says, his voice firm and full of conviction. “I want it there. If there’s ever a time that I might not be in love with you, then yes, I want a reminder. I want to know that I loved you enough to brand my skin with it. That sounds crazy, but.” Harry shrugs, so unapologetic that it makes Zayn’s stomach knot up. “Nothing’s going to happen to us, stop thinking the worst, okay?” 

“All right,” Zayn says, nodding his head. 

“Just don’t be ridiculous, okay? I love you, and it’s my body. I’m sorry if you don’t like them, maybe I should have run it by you, but. I don’t know,” Harry mumbles. “It’s too late now.”

Zayn nods his head, because Harry’s right. He’s being ridiculous. “I don’t hate them, just so you know.”

“I know,” Harry says, sounding like he’s trying to convince himself and Zayn wants to sink down in his chair and melt into the floor, because he didn’t mean to make Harry feel about the tattoos. 

~~~ 

“Ready to go get our boy?” Harry asks, shutting the car off and pulling the key out of the ignition. “I’m glad he doesn’t have a sense of time, because I told him that we’d be back in an hour.” 

“Maybe that’s what he meant when he said that you lied before we left,” Zayn mutters, stepping out of the car. 

Harry smiles. “I don’t know, but I guess we’ll find out if he yells at me when we walk in.” 

“He won’t, he’ll yell at me, if anything,” Zayn says, falling in step behind Harry, readying to walk to Louis’ apartment. 

“He wouldn’t,” Harry counters. 

Zayn wants to argue back and say that he would, because Niall is beginning to fully understand what it means to love Harry, showing it with how he always finds ways to pick Harry first. Zayn’s fingers itch as he thinks about the love that Niall feels for Harry, the love he feels for Harry, and it’s… 

“Wait,” Zayn says, catching Harry’s wrist to stop him from walking up the stairs. “I love you.” 

“Me too,” Harry says, looking at him in confusion. 

“When you love someone you want to remember it, like you said, even if something bad happens. And I love you, more than I ever thought I would, more than I ever expected to when you walked into the bar that day, so you’re not the only person that wants to remember their love.” 

“I’m not?” Harry asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“No,” Zayn says, pulling up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal the white bandage a few inches above his wrist bone. He sighs, and before he pulls at the tape, slowly working it loose so he can lift up the bandage and show Harry the ‘H.S’ right below the curve of the ‘ZAP’ tattoo and the cord of the microphone. He doesn't know why he hid it from Harry earlier, but something about seeing the other boy do what he’s doing… it just. It’s a lot to take in. And knowing that they both did something like this, he panicked. 

“Is that?” 

“Yeah,” Zayn says, nodding and setting the bandage back in place. He knows that Harry is asking if that’s for him. 

“At dinner you didn’t seem happy with mine. You said you didn’t hate it, but I thought you were lying to me. I thought that you just wanted to make me feel better,” Harry says carefully. “Why? Why if you had something similar.”

Zayn shrugs. “I was happy, just in shock. I thought you’d get something outrageous, like a fork or something.” 

“A fork?” 

“Yeah, something unexplainable that made sense in only your head,” Zayn clarifies. “I didn’t expect anything for me. Niall, maybe, but not for me, and I couldn’t believe it. I hid mine from you because, I mean, come on, who goes to get surprise tattoos and ends up getting the same thing? It felt like a sign, but I guess I took it to be a bad sign.”

Harry sighs and shakes his head, taking a tentative step forward so he can cup Zayn’s face in his hands. He kisses him, slow and careful movements of his lips until Zayn relaxes, pressing into Harry. 

“You don’t have to be insecure, so knock it off. My love for you is forever in my skin; so I won’t forget it, and you can’t forget it, so don’t over think this.” 

“I’m not over thinking anything,” Zayn says, trying to defend himself, but it’s futile, because Harry is laughing and rolling his eyes. 

“I hate to break it to you, babe, but you over think everything.”

Zayn sighs, because it’s true. And because a declaration of love isn’t a reason for panic, so he leans forward and kisses Harry again, wishing that he had the time to show Harry that he really does love the tattoo.


	44. Chapter 44

Zayn watches intent as Niall rubs his fingers along the raw skin of Harry’s tattoo, looking at the N curiously. He hadn’t noticed the new ink on them, not until Harry pointed it out and asked him what he thought. Zayn knows that Niall doesn’t really have opinions on tattoos, doesn’t really seem to care much about them besides liking to trace little patterns across them. Zayn wants it to stay that way. He never understood the sad looks on his mother’s face when he would get new tattoos, never understood why she hated them until he started thinking about Niall getting one. 

“Do you like it?” Harry asks for what feels like the third time since he’s told Niall that he got a tattoo for him. 

“Not say Niall,” Niall replies simply. 

“No, not fully but it's for you.” 

“It not,” Niall says, shaking his head and sliding out of Harry’s lap. “Not Niall.” 

Zayn grins when Harry turns to look at him, his mouth dropped open a little at Niall’s rebuttal against Harry’s claim that the tattoo was for him. 

“Who else could it be for?” Harry asks, refusing to drop the topic. 

Niall shrugs. “Not know.” 

“It’s an N because Niall starts with N, so that means it’s for Niall,” Harry replies and Zayn feels like he’s seconds away from sticking his tongue out at Niall and stomping off down the hall. And it’s something that Zayn’s content to watch, because when he showed Niall the hand on his chest Niall had grinned and held his hand next to it, and even though the print was smaller, Niall had believed Zayn when he said that it was his. 

“It not,” Niall repeats again firmly, looking at Harry. 

“Would your Daddy get a tattoo for someone else?” 

“Baba,” Niall says, like it’s obvious, even though he doesn’t know about the Z that’s for Zayn, would have shaken his head and said Baba, another tattoo that he would have denied Harry. 

“Well,” Harry says, scratching at his hair. “That’s true. But this one is for you.” 

“It not,” Niall replies, turning his back on Harry to watch his morning cartoons, shutting him out completely, and Zayn can’t help but smile at that. 

“Why are you laughing?” Harry asks, turning to look at Zayn, his eyes narrowed in mock anger. 

“Because you’re ridiculous,” Zayn says, shifting around on the couch since Niall’s no longer on so it he can throw his legs over Harry’s lap. 

Harry pouts, pressing back into the couch and resting his hands on Zayn’s legs. “I’m not, he’s just stubborn.” 

“No, you’re ridiculous.” Harry fixes him with an unimpressed look so Zayn leans forward and pokes Harry in the dimple. “One day, obviously not today, he’ll understand the tattoo thing, but for now…” 

“We just pretend this conversation never happened?”

“Or you can explain to me who the N is really for.”

“Oh, god,” Harry groans, forcing another laugh out of Zayn, one that starts deep in his gut and spills out of his mouth with a force that makes his ribs rattle and tears fall from his eyes. 

~~~ 

“We need to work on getting Niall potty trained,” Zayn says. “It’s so much cheaper to buy like, underwear than it is to buy diapers. And I know he won’t be ready to wear them full time, but like, it’d be nice to not have to change him so much.”

He can see as Niall does a potty dance across the room, his son showing signs that he doesn’t want to wet his diaper, but still not showing signs of wanting to find an alternate solution to that. 

“Right, so let’s just go in there and put him on the seat.” 

“It’s so easy, it works just like that,” Zayn says, rolling his eyes, because Harry doesn’t understand the kind of deceptive little boy that Niall becomes at times like this. 

“Nah, I’ll show you,” Harry says, patting his thigh. “Ni, come here.” He picks Niall up and motions for Zayn to follow. When they’re in the bathroom, he instructs Zayn to close the door and Niall immediately grabs the top of his pants. “All right, Niall. Do you want to try to use the potty?” 

Niall shakes his head. “No.” 

“Right, listen I know that it’s scary, but that’s what big boys do. Do you want to be a big boy?” 

“I big boy,” Niall says, looking at Harry like he’s crazy for thinking otherwise. His face is kind of scrunched up and he’s looking at him before he glances up to look at Zayn. “Baba, I big boy.” 

“You are, baby, but listen to Daddy, okay?” 

Niall huffs. 

“Do you think we could try it just one? You go potty just once, okay? And we’ll see if you like it.” 

“I not,” Niall says, shaking his head. “Not like.” 

“Niall,” Harry says, moving off his knees to sit down on the ground properly, holding Niall’s hands where they’re death gripping the top of his pants, like if he holds on tight enough then no one will be able to reach his diaper and he won’t be forced to do anything. 

“Niall, you know that yucky feeling that you hate after you pee? How your diaper is all wet? We don’t have to go through that if you use the potty.” 

“I not potty,” Niall says, taking a step away from Harry. “Baba, I not.” 

“Was he this determined to not any of the other milestones?” Harry asks, turning to look at Zayn. 

“Nope, he’s been making noise since he figured out he could, hasn’t stopped talking since. He tried his hardest to bypass crawling when he realized that he could stand, and by stand I mean that I held him by the hips and he kind of stood with my support. And well, once he started walking it was a race to keep up with him,” Zayn explains. “And of course all the other little ones, like learning how to pick things up and-“ 

“All right,” Harry says, holding a hand up. “I get it.” 

Zayn grins and shrugs. “They say that they’ll know when they’re ready.” 

“But like, he wants to do it. I can feel it.” 

Zayn nods, because he understands what Harry’s saying, because Niall doing the potty dance more and more, and he’s using his diaper less and less, holding onto it as long as he can, and getting upset after he uses it. But, judging by the looks on Niall’s face, his defiance and resilience to use the potty is still strong.

“I pee,” Niall exclaims, grinning at Zayn and Harry. 

“You want to try it? Okay,” Harry says, excited and Zayn almost feels bad for him, but not really, because he’s been down this road himself, and it’s more fun to watch someone else struggle. 

“No, I pee,” Niall says, pointing to himself.

“You…” Harry looks at him and then says, “You really did that, didn’t you? He did that.” He directs the last part to Zayn, turning around to look at him like he can’t believe Niall would do this. 

“Told you it wasn’t easy.” 

“Next time we’re coming at this with a game plan, we’re going to beat him at his own game.” 

Niall giggles, like he’d to see Harry try. 

~~~

They’re lying on the couch watching television, enjoying a lazy day together as a family after the potty incident when there’s a knock at the door. 

“I’ll check it,” Harry says, gently sliding Zayn’s legs off his lap and heading to check the door. He peeks through the hole in it and sighs, turning back around to face Zayn. “It’s Louis.” 

“Okay,” Zayn says, frowning. “Answer it.”

Harry looks at him and shakes his head when another knock sounds. “No, I’ve got to go do something.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Harry, answer the door,” he says, but Harry is already making to leave the room and Zayn glares at him as he goes. “Put a shirt on and then get back out here, you’re not going to be rude.”

“Whatever,” Harry mumbles, disappearing. Zayn’s not sure that he was supposed to hear the whatever, but he did. And he understands where Harry’s anger comes from with Louis, why he doesn’t want to see him, but he doesn’t need to be rude and leave him standing outside. 

When Zayn pulls the door open, he’s surprised, because it’s Louis and Liam behind it, Liam offering a tentative smile while Louis grins broadly. “Oh, this is a surprise,” Zayn says as he pulls the door open further, allowing the two of them inside. 

“Took you forever to answer, is this a bad time?” 

“No,” Zayn says, pitching his voice high so that Harry can hear him from the other end of the apartment. “It’s not a bad time at all, you’re always welcome here.” 

Louis looks at him funny but nods. “Right,” he mumbles before he says, “Niall, what are you doing still watching that television? Can’t I get a hug?” 

Niall looks up at him for a moment before he flicks his gaze back to the television, Zayn can see the grin on his face and knows that his son is doing it on purpose. 

“Well, I’ll just have to come to you,” Louis says, rushing across the room to tickle at Niall’s ribs until the toddler relents and wraps his arms around Louis’ neck, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“I not play,” Niall says, moving over and patting the spot next to him. Louis takes it, but immediately pulls Niall into his lap, leaving the space Niall was just in for Liam. 

Zayn watches the two of them closely, his eyes narrowed because he’d like to demand answers right now, but obviously he’s not going to rush anything, even if it’s eating at him. 

“Where’s Harry?” Liam asks.

“That’s a wonderful question. Niall, can you go get Daddy please?” Zayn asks and if he listens closely, he’s almost positive that he can hear Harry groaning from the bedroom. Niall nods and rushes off. “I told him to put a shirt on, but I guess he’s having difficulty finding one.”

“No, I found one,” Harry answers and Zayn bites back a grin when Harry rounds the corner, looking at him intently. He sits down on the chair, leaving Zayn the spot next to Louis and putting Niall in Harry’s lap, his son going back to watching his movie. Zayn makes a note to turn the television off after this, see if Niall wants to ride his bike around the parking lot next door for a while. “You two look cozy.” 

Zayn wants to turn towards Harry and tell him to knock it off, but his curiosity about Liam and Louis is far greater than any desire to get Harry to act like he has any manners. 

“Yeah, that’s um,” Liam says, scratching at the back of his neck. “It’s uh, we’re good now.” 

“You’re good,” Zayn repeats. 

“Yeah, we talked and this is what we both want and we’re good,” Louis says. 

“You’re good? That’s all you can say?” Zayn says, trying not to feel outraged because he’s dealt with Louis being upset about this for ages, Liam even at some point, and now they’re both sitting on his couch acting like they had an argument over what to eat for dinner or something else frivolous. 

“Yes?” Louis and Liam say at the same time, both of them looking at each other and then to Zayn. 

“What should we say?” Louis asks him. 

“This is the worst conversation that I have ever been apart of,” Zayn mutters, folding his arms over his chest. 

“Eh, I wouldn’t say that,” Harry mumbles. 

“Yeah? And what would you say?”

“There was the conversation we had when I told you that I loved you for the first time.”

“What conversation?” Zayn questions. 

“Exactly, I said it and then you patted me on the back.” 

Zayn makes to reply, his mouth open and everything before he remembers that he did in fact do that. “Well.” He rubs at his nose, turning to the television, his head snapping in Harry’s direction when he hears Harry laughing. 

“I’m joking.” 

“You’re a menace,” Zayn huffs, reaching over to slap him on the knee. “I’m going to make my son a snack, because I love him, and he deserves a treat. Louis, come with me.” 

“All right,” Louis mutters, voice strained as he stands. 

“Have fun talking about us,” Liam says, grinning. 

“We will,” Zayn says, smiling at the two of them before he grabs Louis’ arm and drags him into the kitchen. 

“All right, spill. What do you want to know?”

“Not that I’m not happy for you, you know that I am, I just want to know what happened,” Zayn clarifies, watching as Louis nods. 

“It’s not like it was an easy conversation, you know. We’re both stubborn as shit, definitely found that out the hard way in this case, so we talked for a while,” Louis mutters, shrugging his shoulders. “And it’s not like we’re jumping into this and picking right up where we left out. I mean, we are in a sense, but we’re also not.”

Zayn shakes his head and is going to pretend that he fully understands that statement. He kind of does because after a break up of so long, it’s hard to jump right back into the groove of the whole thing, had to get your footing right when you’ve been apart for so long. He thinks he and Harry would have had the same problems after the cheating thing if it weren’t for Niall, who kept pushing them together without understanding what was happening between them, the little boy definitely healing their relationship rather quickly. 

“But like, what happened during this conversation? I get that it resolved things, but I want to know the details,” Zayn says, moving around the kitchen swiftly to grab different fruits for Niall. His son won’t be able to eat them all, so he grabs a second bowl for Harry, knowing that he’ll appreciate the snack. 

Louis sighs. “A lot happened. Like, it was really hard at first to start talking. It’s like, we both knew what we wanted to say but we didn’t know how to say it. But eventually, we got past that bit of awkwardness and just started talking about the things we wanted, things we didn’t want, and how we were going to compromise on it all.”

“Keep talking,” Zayn mutters with a glare, slicing into a strawberry. 

“All right,” Louis sighs, leaning against the counter and stealing one of the grapes in Niall’s bowl. “Like I said, it was hard at first, like we were silent forever, probably what took us so long, but we just laid our issues out on the table, like Liam wants a marriage and children, but I don’t want that.” 

“Okay, that makes sense,” Zayn says, nodding along. 

“Yeah, so like we talked about that mostly, because that’s really the only thing holding us back, and of course the problem where we get into these disagreements and our first instinct is just end things, to cut it off before anything could happen, which ends up hurting both of us and not only the one we intended to hurt.” 

“You do have a problem doing that,” Zayn mutters, thinking back on all the times that Louis has showed up at his place muttering about how he and Liam have broken up, all the times never quite as severe as this last one, never last that long, but hurting all the same. “A lot of misunderstandings.”

“Yeah, our communication is shit, but we’re going to work on that. I think Liam wants to come to my therapy sessions with me, not like couple therapy but just a few sessions where we can talk to someone that can help us get on the right path.” 

Zayn nods, because he doesn’t agree with that route, knows that it works for most people but it’s not something for him and it’s definitely not something for him and Harry, they’ve worked through their problems and Zayn knows a therapist wasn’t necessary, but he understands that Louis knows what’s best for him and that sometimes, most of the time, Louis and Liam have trouble finding common ground, need to find ways that their dominating personalities that work together instead of clash. “What are you going to do about the marriage and children aspect of things?”

“Well, we both acknowledge that neither of us wants kids now, at all. We also both acknowledge that both us know that our minds can change. So while Liam wants kids now, he might not in the future. I don’t want kids now, but Liam does.” 

“And what happens when neither of your minds change?” 

“See that’s the best part, we’re going to get a dog.” 

Zayn blanks, blinking at his friend. “Why would you get a dog?” 

“We both want one, always have, so we’re going to get a dog. Not now, but we want one when we’re feeling more established in our relationship again,” Louis explains, shrugging. “It’s just like having children.” 

“It’s nothing like having a child,” Zayn scoffs. He has a child, he knows that parenting a human baby is nothing like house breaking a puppy and teaching it to sit. “It’s not the same.”

“No, but it’s hard work and you can’t give up on it. Puppies are hard work, you have to teach them so many things, like how to be a productive member of society and not attack people, just like people, and you potty train them, just like people. They’re dependent on your, just like people.” 

“Yet, I’ve never had to teach Niall not to pee on the carpet and to leave my good shoes out of his mouth,” Zayn counters. 

“Niall’s peed on the carpet,” Louis replies, rolling his eyes. “And he used to eat my sweaters. He’d bite my hands, too.”

“He was teething,” Zayn says, dividing the cut up fruit into two piles, a larger one of Harry and a smaller one for Niall. 

“Puppies teethe. They have cute little nubs for teeth, little razors of a teeth that fall out and get replaced with the big ones.” 

“All right, so they have similarities to babies, but they’re not the same. I’m only saying this because raising a child is so much more rewarding and fulfilling, and yes, I acknowledge that it’s not for everyone and not everyone feels that way. Trust me, the mother to my son abandoned him because she felt that way, so I know that,” Zayn explains, sighing. “I’m pointing this out because if Liam truly wants children then dogs aren’t going to fill that need, it won’t feel the same. Not like it will for you. I can see you treating a dog like your child.” 

“And we talked about that as well, we know that it’s not a substitute, but a lot of people consider dogs their babies. There are plenty of people who want children that can’t have them, which is why we’re sticking with dogs for now, and in the future, who knows what could happen, but we’re going to work towards it,” Louis explains and Zayn nods. 

“I just don’t want you to get hurt again, that’s why I bring it up.”

“I know,” Louis says, shrugging like Zayn bringing this all up doesn’t bother him in the slightest. “But like, we could name our dog a human name, it’d be much more like a child than cats named Cat and Kitty.” 

Zayn snorts out a laugh, shaking his head. “Those are Harry’s cats, talk to him about that.”

“I thought they were Niall’s?” 

“Good point, Tomlinson. Good point,” Zayn reasons, nodding. “So you’re settling for puppy children. What about the marriage thing? Just because your names are both on the adoption papers doesn't mean that you’re married.”

“Well,” Louis says, taking a deep breath. “I agreed that being married to him wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, and I definitely realized that while we were broken up. I told him that I could cave on that, but not the children, not yet at least.” 

“So you’re going to marry Liam?” Zayn asks, staring at Louis in shock. “You’re being serious about this?” 

“That’s the plan,” Louis mutters, grinning. 

“So, you’re like engaged now?”

Louis shrugs. “We want to work through our issues and when we feel ready for it, then yeah, we’re getting married, but for now we just want to be together.” 

“Holy shit, you’re engaged.” 

“Don’t say it like that, it could be years before we’re married.” 

“Engaged means you’re going to get married, you know that, right?” 

“I don’t even have a ring, he’s not marrying me just yet.” 

“You don’t need a ring to get engaged,” Zayn mumbles, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh?” Louis counters, his eyebrows raised. 

“What?”

“Nothing, just a funny statement coming from a boy with his boyfriend’s ring on his finger.”

Zayn looks down at his hand, the silver band on his finger that he took from Harry when he was pretending to be Liam’s husband, the one that Harry said he didn’t want back. It’s not an engagement ring, not a promise of any kind, just a ring that once belonged to someone else and is now worn by another. “This isn’t an engagement ring.”

“Then why are you wearing it?”

“Took it from Harry and then he said liked me wearing it, so I didn’t give it back,” Zayn mumbles, shrugging. It’s not a big deal, not at all.

Louis nods, his face scrunched up, pretending to understand. “Harry is quite the romantic, isn’t he?”

“Harry’s an idiot.”

“Aw, that’s not nice to say about the boy you love,” Louis teases, poking at Zayn’s ribs. “How would he feel to know you said that? Especially since you’re wearing his ring.” 

Zayn shrugs. “I don’t know, I’ll tell him and see how he reacts.” 

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Wouldn’t I?” Zayn replies, grabbing the bowls of fruit and leaving the kitchen, not bothering to check if Louis is following him. 

He hands Niall is, his son still sitting in Liam’s lap as they watch their movie. He passes the other one to Harry, who lights up at the offering of food.

“Shit, thank you. I’m starved,” Harry says, patting Zayn’s thigh with one hand as he takes an obnoxious bite of a strawberry. 

“You’re an idiot,” Zayn mutters, grinning at him. He’s not being serious, Harry’s only an idiot sometimes, but a loveable idiot that Zayn wants to keep for as long as possible. He’s his idiot, really. 

Harry shrugs. “Cheers, babe.” He takes another bite of the strawberry, smiling at Zayn as he does it, winking at him because he knows that Zayn’s not being serious.


	45. Chapter 45

“What’s he doing?” Zayn asks when Harry slips back into the bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind him. 

“He’s still sleeping, Cat and Kitty are curled up next to him,” Harry answers, sliding back into bed next to Zayn. He drags the blankets higher up, burrowing closer to Zayn and sighing. “I wish we were still sleeping.” 

“Well, I would be, if it weren’t for you,” Zayn replies quietly, wrapping his arm around Harry’s shoulder. They had dragged themselves over to Harry’s apartment late last night after Liam and Louis had left, needing to feed the cats. It had been late enough that Niall had been asleep when they put him in the car, asleep when they finally got to his house and Harry had to carry him up to bed, asleep as both the cats meowed around his sleeping form until they eventually curled up next to him and fell asleep on their own. It was late, and even though Niall had been asleep early, Zayn hadn’t, so he was more than tired when he and Harry finally dropped into bed and fell asleep for the night. 

He could have slept for days, would have if Harry didn’t have a horrible habit of waking up far too early for his own good. He’d have left Zayn alone to sleep, but as it turns out, Niall wanted to have his own lie in, which meant that Harry got bored of entertaining himself and ran his fingers through Zayn’s hair until he woke up. 

“Do you want to go back to sleep?” Harry asks, and his voice doesn’t give anything away but when Zayn glances down at him he can tell that he hopes Zayn wants to stay away with him, so he sighs. 

“Nah, I’ll be all right. We always have nap time, don’t we?” He jokes, squeezing Harry gently. 

“I swear that you like nap time more than Niall does, half the time I don’t even think he uses it.” 

“Probably not,” Zayn reasons and shrugs. “He stays in his bed, though. And he’ll fall asleep if you lie down with him, that’s why I always do.” 

“Right,” Harry says, rolling his eyes playfully. “I’m sure that’s the only reason.”

“Yeah, I guess it’s also because I have a pest that I share a bed with who wakes me up before my own son,” Zayn says, laughing when Harry pokes him in the ribs for his comment. 

He rubs at his face tiredly, wishing not for the first time that he was back asleep or that Harry wasn’t such an early riser. Zayn knows that he has to be up early for work, but honestly. It wouldn’t kill him to sleep in when he can. 

“You know,” Harry says, fingers ghosting over the bare skin of Zayn’s hip where his shirt has ridden up. “I could make it worth your while, if you wanted me to.” Zayn raises an eyebrow and Harry shifts around so that’s no longer lying next to Zayn but instead straddling his thighs, a firm grip on Zayn’s hip. “Can I suck you off?” 

Zayn tries not to groan at the comment, tries to ignore the way that Harry licks his lips after he asks, thumbs already hooking into the waistband of his pajamas, like he’s already sure of what Zayn’s going to say, or he’s just self assured enough to know that Zayn’s not going to turn down an offer like that. 

“Now?” Zayn asks, glancing around the room. “It’s nine in the morning.” 

“Oh, my god,” Harry groans, already moving to pull down Zayn’s pajamas and his boxers in one swift movement before he’s crawling back up into Zayn’s lap. “There’s never a bad time for a blow job.” 

“When my son is sleeping in the next room is usually a bad time,” Zayn mumbles but Harry’s already got a hand wrapped around him, trying to work him into full hardness. He’s halfway there just from Harry asking if he could suck him off, so it’s really not going to take much with the way that he’s flicking his wrist and running his thumb across the slit of his dick. “Jesus, Harry.” 

“We’ve sex when he’s been in his room before, we know how to be quiet. The door is closed, he doesn’t know how to open it, it’ll be fine,” Harry says, moving around so he’s sitting between Zayn’s thighs, pushing them open wider. “Are you really going to make me beg?” 

Zayn shrugs and Harry groans, rolling his eyes. “Fine,” he says, removing his hands from Zayn’s thighs and placing them in his own lap. “Pretty please with sugar on top can I put your cock in my mouth?” 

“Like I’m going to say no,” Zayn says, and he barely has a moment to curse himself for his lack of making Harry actually beg for it before he feels Harry’s lips wrapping around him, his tongue flicking out experimentally, because now he’s cursing himself for trying to argue with Harry about doing this. This is an excellent idea, the very best idea; anything involving Harry’s mouth should never be placed in consideration of denial. 

Harry’s showing off, taking Zayn deeper than he needs to, making these noises that vibrate straight up Zayn’s spine, making his toes curl. He looks smug when Zayn curses out, and Zayn wants to say something, but he doesn’t want Harry to stop, not ever, really, but fate and luck are against them when their bedroom door rattles. 

Harry stills his movements, pulling away and rubbing at his mouth with the back of his hand. “Did you hear that?” 

Zayn wants to say no so that Harry can go back to sucking him off, but the door rattles again and he knows that he can’t get away with lying. He turns to face it and sees Kitty’s black paw underneath it, curling upwards and tugging on the door so it makes noise. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees that it’s just the cat who wants in, but then three little fingers are sliding underneath the door, wiggling around in the carpet and Zayn groans, dropping back down on the pillow. 

“He’s awake,” he says quietly, taking a deep breath. He rubs at his face. “Do you think he knows that we’re awake?” 

“No, but it looks like that’s his way of trying to wake us,” Harry whispers, sliding off the bed and tossing Zayn his pajama bottoms and his boxers. “I don’t think anyone has luck as awful as we do when it comes to having sex.” 

Zayn breathes out a laugh, trying to be quiet so that Niall can’t hear they’re awake yet. He really needs the blood to circulate through the rest of his body so that he’s no longer hard. “Perks of having a child.” 

“No,” Harry says, shaking his head. “I’d say that’s the only con.” 

Zayn nods. “That’s true, but he’s spending the night at my mom’s tonight, can’t help the cat try to beat down our door then.” 

Harry rubs at his face in frustration. “God, that’s so long. I’m hard now.” 

“It’s not that hard to wait, believe me.” 

“Easy for you to say, your dick got some attention at least.” 

“Harry, you’ll be fine,” Zayn says, rolling his eyes and tucking himself into his waistband so that his erection isn’t obvious. “Before I met you, I hadn’t had sex since Niall was created, you’ll make it a few hours.” 

“Not used to waiting,” Harry mumbles, still rubbing at his eyes. “I need to shower.” He spares Zayn a glance before he disappears into the bathroom, the sound of the water cutting off any response that Zayn could have given him. He rolls his eyes at the door, because he’s never seen someone get so pissy about not being able to get off in his life. 

“Baba,” Niall calls and Zayn sighs, getting out of bed and going to open the door, mindful of the hand that’s trying to slip through the crack. 

~~~ 

“Niall, you’re going to Mammie’s house tonight, do you know what you want to bring with you?” Zayn asks, looking down at his son with his arms folded across his chest. 

“I not go,” Niall says, refusing to look at Zayn, instead he stares at the pile of toys in front of him. “Stay Daddy.” 

“Daddy is going out with Baba, which means that you have to go to Mammie’s because you can’t stay here alone, babe,” Zayn explains, kneeling down on the floor. He glances up to Harry, who is sitting on the couch, watching the exchange. 

“No he not,” Niall says, tilting his head up to look at Zayn. He shakes his head and pulls a face at Zayn, one that reads how wrong Zayn is and how right he is.

“We could stay in tonight,” Harry says, stopping Zayn’s response to Niall. 

“No, we can’t, I told Louis that we’d go out for drinks with him and Liam,” Zayn replies, reminding Harry for what feels like the hundredth time. “We’ve talked about this. They want to do something now that they’re together again, so we’re going to show support for their decision and hang out with them.”

“Exactly, they just got back together, don’t you think that they should spend time with each other instead of with us?” 

Zayn sighs and rubs at his temples, because Harry and Niall are both looking at him with the same grumpy face that says they want Zayn to cave to their way and to stop coming up with silly suggestions, and it’s exhausting to know that he’s going to have to force both of them into doing what the actual plans are and not what they want to do. “Harry, you’re going out tonight,” he says before he looks back down at his son, “Niall, you’re going to Mammie’s tonight, and you’re both going to have a great time.”

“I not,” Niall says, shrugging before he grabs his stuffed lion and goes to sit on the couch with Harry. 

Zayn looks at Harry, raises an eyebrow at him that forces a sigh out of the other boy. “Niall, I think you’re going to have loads of fun at her house tonight, more fun that you could have here.”

“Stay you,” Niall says, throwing his legs across Harry’s lap. 

“You don’t want to stay here with me,” Harry says easily, shaking his head. “No, Baba and I were going to do boring things like practice using the potty. Do you want to stay here and practice using the potty?” 

Niall looks at Harry for a moment before he shifts his gaze over to Zayn. He shakes his head immediately when Zayn smiles and nods; trying his best to look like that’s the plan for the night. “I go Mammie,” Niall says decisively, nodding his head. “Niall go.”

~~~ 

“Do you want something to drink?” Harry asks, thumb drumming against the surface of the table. 

“Um, I don’t really care,” Zayn says, shrugging. “Just get whatever.” He smiles at Harry and Harry nods, waiting for Liam before he walks off. 

Zayn frowns at his back, because Harry hasn’t shown any signs of wanting to be near him since this morning. 

“Everything all right with him?” Louis says, forcing Zayn’s gaze away from his boyfriend and to his best friend. He shrugs and shakes his head. “Hmm, I mean, we haven’t been here long, but seems like he’s not in a good mood.”

“I think he’s angry with me,” Zayn says quietly, biting his lip and staring down at the table. 

“He looks a bit grumpy, but why do you think it’s towards you?” Louis asks and Zayn feels his hand begin to rub at his back, trying to calm him. It’s meant to be comforting but it makes Zayn want to curl into his side and have a cry. 

“This morning we were… Niall was asleep, he left in late, and Harry wanted to… So you know, naturally, it’s in the middle of things when Niall wakes up and sticks his hand under the door like he’s one of the cats, with one of the cats, and that completely ended things.”

“Naturally,” Louis says, nodding along, his hand still rubbing circles on Zayn’s back. “So, he’s cranky because he couldn’t off. He’s just frustrated, I’m sure he’ll be better later when you can finish things.” 

Zayn frowns. “I don’t know, he mumbles, fiddling with his fingers. “He kind of implied that sex with other people has been more fulfilling for him, like in the past.”

Zayn glances up and sees the angry expression on his face when he says, “What the fuck did he say?”

“He just kind of said how like… I don’t know, he just seemed really angry, and I mentioned how he’d be all right like, I hadn’t had sex in over a year and I survived, but then he was like, yeah well, I’m not used to waiting,” Zayn admits, shrugging. 

“Aw, Zayn,” Louis says, squeezing his shoulder. “That was just the horny talking, he wasn’t really like, implying that sex before you was better than it is with you, don’t think that.” 

Zayn sighs and to not to let his shoulders sag in defeat. “I just, he’s made comments like this before.” 

“What kind of comments?” 

“Well, one time he was talking about what Nick and Ed like to do, like how they like to do this weird groupie musician role play thing, and he said we should try that, like role playing in the bedroom and stuff.”

“Okay, so he wanted to try something and mentioned it to you.” 

“He’s done it before,” Zayn says, looking at Louis. “With people that he was with before, however many that was. And I’m just like, his boring wife that has a headache and doesn’t want to have sex so he has to go take a shower. 

“Zayn, that’s not true at all.” 

Zayn sighs and shakes his head. “But it is. I’m so boring,” Zayn says, trying not to whine. “I just need him and he needs all these extras and I don’t want to,” he turns and glances towards the bar where Harry and Liam wandered off to, but he sees that they’re quickly approaching the table, so he takes a deep breath. “Nothing, never mind.” 

“Zayn-“ 

“Don’t,” he warns right before Harry slides into the chair next to him, shoving a glass in front of him. Zayn turns to Harry with a smile that turns to a frown when he sees that Harry has a glass of water. “You’re not drinking tonight?” 

His gaze flicks over towards the other end of the table where Louis and Liam are sitting and Zayn’s frown deepens. “Nah, don’t really feel like it tonight.” 

Zayn looks at him, trying to study his boyfriend but Harry’s shutting him out, not completely, but enough so that Zayn can’t read him, so he can’t figure out why Harry isn’t drinking tonight. It’s not the first time that Zayn hasn’t been able to tell what’s going on with Harry and it makes him want to shrink in himself, disappear completely, but then Harry’s slotting their fingers together under the table, brushing his thumb against the back of Zayn’s hand and squeezing gently, so Zayn does his best to remember how to breathe. 

~~~

“So, Harry,” Louis says after several minutes of awkward silence. Zayn’s never been good at filling in the gaps in conversation, that’s why his best friend is Louis and his boyfriend is Harry, neither one of them allow a lull in the conversation, unlike Zayn. “How do you like writing songs now? Liam’s been telling me all about it, it sounds interesting.” 

Harry sniffs, rubbing his thumb along his jaw. “Yeah, it’s nice.” Louis’ smile fades slightly. 

“Harry’s really good at it,” Liam supplies. “Ellie always loves the lyrics he comes up with, they work really well together.”

“Yeah, but so far more of your songs are going to be recorded,” Harry says. 

Liam shrugs. “Well, that doesn’t mean anything. They’re not set to go on her album, they’ve just been marked as lists of possibilities.” 

“Still,” Harry says, pausing to take a sip of his water. “It’s better than what I’ve got going on.” 

“I thought you said that everything was going well at work,” Zayn says, frowning, because he’s asked Harry about his song writing, but Harry always clamps up when he asks, mumbles a few words and says how Ellie seems to really enjoy it and that things are going great, he’s never implied that things might not be that great, or that he’s not feeling so great about it. 

“They are, it’s just,” Harry sighs and shakes his head, so Zayn squeezes his hand, trying to convey the message that he’d really like to know. “Everything I write is rather personal and I’m not sure that I want someone else singing it is all, it’s like, those are my thoughts and feelings so I have a hard time giving the songs away.”

“Everyone writes from personal experience,” Louis says, trying his best to offer advice. “And it’s understandable that you’re hesitant about giving that product over to someone else, but if you’re not going to be singing them, wouldn’t it be great to hear them come to life?”

“No,” Harry says bluntly, his smile tight as he looks at Louis. “Not when they’re about Zayn.” 

Zayn blanks, his mouth dropping open slightly, because Harry’s never. He’s never implied really that he draws inspiration from Zayn. What would he even have to write about? Zayn’s not…he’s not that important, not important enough that songs should be written about him and kept in a notebook somewhere, tucked away from the world and kept only for Harry. “You write about me?”

“Obviously,” Harry says, thumb stroking the skin of Zayn’s hand. “You’re supposed to write about things that mean something. I suppose I could write about other things, but that’s not really my style. Liam’s either, but that’s why Ellie chose us, because what she likes to write about is different from what we like to write about.” 

“Liam said that you wrote a really great song about heartbreak, I’d love to see the lyrics sometime,” Louis mutters to the group at large. 

“Maybe you’ll hear it if it’s put on Ellie’s record,” Harry says, smiling tightly before he takes a drink from his glass. 

“Right,” Louis says, clearing his throat. “It just sounded interesting, Liam said it was about unrequited love.”

Zayn misses what Louis says after that, because unrequited love is not something that Harry has to deal with when it comes to Zayn, which means that he’s pulling inspiration from past love affairs, or ones that he wished happen and it sends a little stab of jealousy through him, because he doesn’t know much about who Harry has been with before him, which is no one’s fault of his own. He loves Harry, wants to know everything about him, except the details of his life that in love being in love with other people or having sex with other people, he’s not like Zayn, he knows without asking that Harry’s had more than the minuscule number that Zayn has, a number that he can’t even use one hand to count because he’d still have fingers unaccounted for. He knows that Harry has been in more relationships that actual meant something besides Zayn and his one, the one he has with Harry. He’s not like Zayn, hard to love and be with, so he feels like you can’t blame him for not wanting to find out the details of Harry’s love past. No one wants to be left feeling inadequate. 

“Who is that song about?” Zayn questions, looking at Harry with his head tilted to the side. “The one about unrequited love.” 

Harry looks at him for a moment, frowning. “No one, it’s just a song.” 

“But I mean, you write form experience and about things that mean someone,” Zayn mumbles, repeating Harry’s words back to him. “This must have meant a lot if you’re going to write about it.” 

Harry sighs. “Babe, it’s about no one. It’s just a song about a feeling, that’s all.” 

Zayn nods, he’s not satisfied with the answer but he doesn’t want to push it anymore. “Well, that’s good to know.” He nods once more and smiles. “So Liam, tells about the songs you’ve written.”

“Excellent job, Louis,” Harry mutters under his breath. He rolls his eyes and takes another drink of his water. And Zayn tries to smile at the table at large, because he’s honestly not sure when this evening went to shit. Actually, it was destined to go to shit before it even started. 

~~~

It’s barely an hour later, they’re no longer in the awkward silence that they were in the beginning, nor are they stuck in the period where Zayn was left wondering who exactly is the one that got away from Harry that he’s writing songs about. They are, however, still stuck in the part where Harry is short with Louis, giving him tight, close-lipped smiles and short answers while he avoids eye contact. It’s exhausting, but they’re making do when Harry leans over towards Zayn and whispers, “I need to use the toilet. Will you come with me?” 

Zayn leans back a bit so he can see Harry’s face and frowns. “What are you talking about?” 

“Come with me,” Harry says, gently nudging Zayn’s hand, tugging on it as he slides out off his chair. “Zayn.” 

Zayn sighs and stands up. “We’ll be back,” he says to Liam and Louis before he follows Harry, allowing him to guide him towards the bathroom. Harry shoves the door open and drops Zayn’s hand. “Why’d you need me to come with you, Harry? You know how to use the toilet, you hardly need me in here to hold your hand.” 

“No, but I wanted you to come with me,” Harry says carefully, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t want you to sit at the table with them and worry about what I’m doing in the bathroom.” 

“I’m not worried about you, Harry,” Zayn says, sighing. “I wasn’t worried about you then, either, so you shouldn’t think something like that, all right?” 

Harry groans and rubs at his face. “I do trust myself, but it’s hard not to think about it when he’s sitting across the table from me,” he mutters, looking at Zayn like he’s exhausted. “I really don’t like being around Louis.”

“Yeah, I know, you’re being an ass to him,” Zayn says, folding his arms over his chest. “I know that you’re still angry about what he did, and I understand that, but he’s my best friend. Can’t you be nice to him for me? Or at least civil, if nothing else.”

“I don’t like him, Zayn,” Harry says, his face even and controlled. “I don’t want to be here. I want to be at home, where it can be just the two of us, or even with Niall. Anywhere where Louis isn’t would be preferred.” 

“You know,” Zayn says, sighing. He’s tired and he wanted to have a decent night tonight, he didn’t want to fight, even if it seems like that’s all Harry wants to do. “You do whatever you need to in here, I’ll go say bye to them, and then I’ll meet you outside.” 

He doesn’t wait for Harry to say anything, just turns and shoves open the bathroom door to go back to his table where he’s left his friends.


	46. Chapter 46

“So are you just going to be mad at me all night?” Harry asks when they’re back at Zayn’s apartment, slamming the door closed and kicking off his shoes. “Because I’d just like to say that it’s really not fair that you’re angry at me when you know how I feel and you choose to ignore it.”

Zayn sits down on the couch quietly, taking his time to remove his shoes and making a point to ignore Harry. He’s not going to dignify him with a response, not when he’s acting like a crazy person and not when he’s in the wrong. 

“Oh, I see, you’re just going to ignore me?” Harry asks and Zayn rolls his eyes, because if Harry knows that Zayn isn’t going to talk to him, then he should know that asking this question was pointless, but obviously Harry isn’t smart enough to think of that on his own. 

“That’s fine, you can ignore me,” Harry mutters, taking off his jacket and tossing it onto the couch. “That just means that I can tell you everything that’s bothering me right now. We’ll start with your friend Louis, I don’t like him, I don’t want to be around him, and I don’t like that you’re constantly forcing me to spend time with him. I think he’s arrogant and a jerk, he doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself, and I think that he’s playing you, because we both know that he’s going to do something to fuck up your friendship again, that’s all his good for.” 

“First of all, you don’t know a thing about my friendship with Louis,” Zayn says, unable to keep quiet any longer. “You fucked up this relationship plenty of time, and maybe I have too, but does that mean I shouldn’t give you another chance?” 

“That’s completely different.” 

“Why is it different? Because we have sex? Should I not give Louis another chance because I’m not sleeping with him? What exactly is your criteria for earning forgiveness, Harry?” 

“No, but it’s different because we love each other and we have a child together.”

“People with children end relationships everyday, they don’t stay together all the time, so that’s a bullshit reason for me to have forgiven you.” 

“It’s different for me. I care about the fact that we have Niall, and I care about you.”

“You care about me but you don’t care to just tolerate my only friend,” Zayn says, trying not to shout. The last thing he needs is for his neighbors to hear him yelling at Harry in the middle of the night. “I don’t care for Nick, he’s not my favorite person in the world, but he means something to you, so I tolerate him and I’ll talk to him if he’s at your house.” 

“I barely see Nick,” Harry says, rolling his eyes. “You see Louis everyday.” 

“Yes, I see my best friend everyday. I see him, not you. He’s not over here as much as he was or as much as I’d like because you hate him. It’s not fair that I’m stuck feeling like I have to choose between the two of you,” Zayn explains. 

“Fine, but I don’t like him. Have him over here as much as you want, but I’m not going to be here for it.” 

“You’re such an asshole,” Zayn insists, laughing bitterly as he stomps off towards the bedroom. The sight of Harry is making him crazy, he wants to scream and yell at him, shout things that he doesn’t mean, because Harry is making him feel wild, out of his skin. 

He can hear Harry following behind him and he wants to slam the door, lock it in Harry’s face and tell him to piss off, but Harry’s too quick, his stupidly long legs carrying down the hallway faster than Zayn would have liked. 

“You’re inconsiderate,” Harry accuses. “I’ve never met someone so self centered in my entire life, the fucking world doesn’t revolve around you, Zayn.” 

Zayn sucks in a breath and nods, realizing that Harry beat him to the part where they start shouting hurtful things at each other. See, Zayn registers in the back of his mind that this fight is stupid, that they’re arguing over nothing, arguing over something that they should be discussing with each other instead of trying to make the other hurt. 

Zayn nods once more and strips off his shirt and pants, kicking them away from the bed before he crawls into it. He doesn’t want anything to do with Harry or this fight, he wants to sleep, wants to cuddle with Niall, but he’s still at his mothers for the night. 

“You really are a jerk, Harry,” Zayn mumbles quietly, burrowing underneath the blankets more. The lights are off, but the blinds are open and he can see Harry clearly across the room as he starts to strip out of his own clothes. 

“I’m sure you’ll feel differently in the morning,” Harry murmurs, lifting up the edge of the blanket to crawl under it.

“You’re not sleeping in my bed,” Zayn scoffs, shaking his head. “You’re out of your fucking mind if you think that.”

“Fine, I’ll go sleep in Niall’s bed since he’s not using it,” Harry shouts back and Zayn rolls his eyes. 

“You’re not sleeping in any bed tonight, you can take the couch,” Zayn says, and when Harry stops and looks at him, Zayn smiles. “It’s down the hall. You can find a spare blanket in the closet.” 

“You’re unbelievable,” Harry groans and Zayn shrugs, fluffs his pillows a bit and then shifts on his side so that he’s no longer facing Harry. 

~~~ 

Zayn’s exhausted the next day at work, feels drained emotionally and physically, so when lunch comes, it’s a huge sigh of relief that he’s able to sit down in the booth and rest his head on the table. He ignores the sound of a plate sliding over to his side and just rests with his eyes closed for a few minutes. 

He stayed up later than he should have with a morning shift, but sleeping had proven difficult when he couldn’t stop thinking about the things that Harry had shouted at him during their fight. It made things worse when barely ten minutes after he banished Harry to the couch, he began to hear snoring from down the hall, a clear sign that their argument hadn’t bothered Harry in the slightest. Zayn thinks that was a slap in the face more than the insults that Harry threw around, because they shouldn’t have fought in the first place. It was a stupid fight over an issue that they shouldn’t be having, and it all sits wrong with Zayn, makes his stomach ache in the worst kind of way. 

“You okay?” Louis asks and Zayn nods, not bothering with lifting his head. 

“Am I self centered?” Zayn asks, tilting his head just slightly so he can see Louis face. 

Louis looks at him for a moment, his head cocked the side. “Are you looking for my opinion or are you looking to verify someone else’s?” 

“Your opinion, your honest opinion.” 

“Then no,” Louis says, shaking his head. “I don’t think you’re self centered at all, not even a little bit of the word. Why?” 

“Nothing, just testing a few theories,” Zayn mumbles, lifting his head up and trying his best to smile reassuringly at Louis. “It’s just something that I’ve been tossing around inside my head, wondering if that’s me or not.”

“Well, get rid of the though, because it’s not you,” Louis says easily, shrugging when Zayn looks at him. 

“You’re just saying that because I’m your friend.”

“No, I’m saying it because it’s the truth,” Louis counters, setting his fork down on his plate. He hasn’t really being using it eat, but he’s been holding it, waiting for a lull in the conversation to take a bite of food. “Now, we can keep trying this thing where you ask me if you're something and I deny it, or you can tell me what’s going on, and the truth, not this ‘oh it’s just something I’ve been thinking about.’” 

Zayn takes a deep breath and shrugs. “Harry and I got into a fight last night.” 

“No kidding,” Louis mutters, looking thoroughly not surprised by this revelation. “Liam and I kind of figured when you both left with sour looks on your face. Harry looked like he wanted to kill me.” 

“Yeah, he’s…He’s having a rough time.” 

“With me.” 

“No, not with you, just a few things.” 

“Zayn, I know that he doesn’t like me. I mean, I can understand that much on my own,” Louis assures, shrugging like it doesn't really bother him, but it bothers Zayn and he just wants everyone to get along, they don’t have to like each other, but to be able to be in the same room together would be nice. 

“He’s still angry is all, and it’s understandable, but he thinks that I’m trying to force things to happen that aren’t meant to, like you two spending time together. I just want to be in the same room with you both, I don’t want to have to choose who I spend my time with,” Zayn whines, huffing out a breath. “It’s just exhausting and redundant at this point. I don’t know what he wants from me, from you.”

“Then I’ll respect his feelings and I’ll back off, not from our friendship,” Louis clarifies when Zayn’s expression turns horrified. “I’ll just step back and keep away when I know that he’ll be there.” 

“He’s going to think you’re doing that to make him look like the bad guy,” Zayn informs him, raising an eyebrow when Louis makes a confused face at him, his own eyebrows pulling together. 

“We’re not going to tell him the plan, we’re just going to do things that way. If anything you could take credit for it all, claim that you’ve seen the error of your ways and that you’re not going to force him to see me anymore,” Louis says, shrugging easily. 

“He’ll forgive you eventually, he doesn’t stay angry for very long. He’s normally really fair about everything,” Zayn reasons, sighing. “I hope he will.” 

Louis shrugs. “I’m not too worried about it, although he might be.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Louis takes a deep breath and bites on his bottom lip, Zayn doesn’t know what to make of it and his stomach twists. “I’ve been wanting to tell you about this, but I didn’t want to jump the gun on anything.” 

“Tell me what?” 

“I’ve been looking for a new job, and I’ve been struggling finding ones that I’d be good at. Liam thinks I’d be amazing at all of them, but you know how Liam is,” Louis sighs, still looking at Zayn carefully, like he might scream or something. He thought about it, but he’s not going to. “Anyway, I’ve just been thinking about a change of scenery.” 

“Why do you need a new job?” 

“Because, Liam and I want to be able to afford a house. I’m never going to be able to afford a house working here.” 

“Liam could afford a house, easily.” 

“Exactly, Liam could. I couldn’t,” Louis says. “And he’d be happy to buy it, but I want to contribute halfway, because I don’t know, it’d be nice to know that I helped get it somehow, even if I don’t really end up paying for half.” 

“No one pays for a house outright, you pay for it over time.” 

“Yeah, but. Zayn, this is just something that I want to do, something that I feel like I have to do.”

Zayn nods, he gets it. He understands where Louis is coming from, how he wants to do all these things on his own. He gets it; he just wishes Louis wasn’t leaving him behind at the diner in the process. With Harry hating Louis, he’s not sure when he’s ever going to have time to actually see him. Zayn doesn’t want to have to choose, not between two of the people that mean the most to him, but he knows that choosing Harry will keep his relationship in tact, and his friendship. He’s not sure what choosing Louis would mean. After last night, Zayn’s not really sure if Harry would want to stay with him if Zayn didn’t side with him. 

“You okay?” Louis asks, looking at him, reaching across the table to squeeze his arm gently. 

“Yeah, yeah. If this is what you want to do, then of course I’ll stand by you. I’m just wondering what this has to do with Harry.” 

“Well, that’s the fun part,” Louis mutters, attempting to grin. It comes out more like a grimace, and Zayn braces himself for the worst. “Liam got me a job working as a receptionist where they work, the last girl quit and they need someone. It’s not permanent, but.”

“Oh, my god,” Zayn groans, dropping his head back down on the table, because he doesn’t want to have to be the person to tell Harry about this, but he knows that’s going to have to. 

~~~ 

“Baba!” 

Zayn turns in time to catch Niall as he tries to jump on him, arms held out wide as he hugs Zayn as tight as he can. 

“Baba, you here,” Niall says, pulling back to smile at Zayn. 

“I am, yes,” Zayn agrees, shifting around as he kicks off his shoes. “I missed you a lot, did you have fun at Mammie’s house?” 

“Lots fun, lots,” Niall says, nodding with his eyes open wide. 

“Did you miss Baba?” Niall sighs and shrugs, pushing his chin into his shoulder as he tries to hide his grin from Zayn. “You little menace,” Zayn says, tickling Niall with one hand and walking further into the apartment. 

Harry’s in the kitchen, making it dinner or so it seems. He smiles at Zayn, a tight closed mouth smile that doesn’t reach his eyes and Zayn sighs. “Louis is taking the open position at your work, the receptionist one,” he says, figuring that he might as well tell Harry now, when he’s got Niall in his arms and Harry can’t yell at him. 

“Are you telling me this while you’re holding Niall for a reason?” Harry asks, his eyes narrowed slightly.

Zayn shrugs. “Doesn’t matter if he’s in here or the other room, you’re not yelling while he’s home.”

Harry nods. “Why?” 

“Why can’t you yell or why is Louis taking the job?” 

“Why is Louis taking the job?” 

“He wants a new one,” Zayn says, shrugging. “He’s going to quit the diner and he’s going to work there for a while, at least until he can get back on his feet and figure out what he wants to do.” 

“So not only am I stuck with him here, but I’m stuck with him at work now? Great,” Harry mumbles. “Brilliant plan on his part.” 

“Daddy nice,” Niall says, shaking his head. 

“Yeah, Daddy, be nice,” Zayn warns, fixing Harry with an unimpressed look. Harry stares back at him, his gaze unwavering. “Niall, can you do something for Baba?” 

“Yes.” 

“Can you go to your room for a few minutes? Baba is going to talk to Daddy and then we’re going to play a game, does that sound fun?” Zayn asks, setting Niall down on the ground and patting his shoulder, trying to guide him towards the hall. “I’ll be in there soon, bub.” 

“Okay, Baba,” Niall shouts, rushing down the hallway. He doesn’t close his bedroom door, and Zayn almost wishes he would have. 

“Louis is allowed to work wherever he wants to, whether it’s with you, with me, or with anyone else on this planet.”

“I never said he couldn’t, I just think that it’s convenient that he wants to work with me when not that long ago he wanted me to cheat on my boyfriend.” 

“You did cheat on your boyfriend, and the only person that’s still holding onto that fact is you, no one else. The rest of us want to move on with our lives. Liam and Louis are back together, Louis is quitting the diner to find a better job, and I’m trying to go back to how we were, but you’re being stubborn.” 

“Yeah, I am, and just because you’ve moved on doesn’t mean that I have to.” 

“No, it doesn’t, but Harry, I’m the one that got hurt here, me,” Zayn says, pointing to himself in case Harry tries to turn this back on himself. “You were drunk, yes, but you didn’t become stupid. You agreed to do it; he didn’t have a knife to your back. He propositioned you and you went along with it.”

“Yeah, I did, I guess,” Harry says, shrugging. “So Louis is quitting his job, huh? Why?” 

“He wants to make more money, the diner isn’t exactly where the money is at.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Harry says, rolling his eyes. 

“What do you mean that you know?” 

“Nothing.” 

“No, you mean something. What is it? What do you know?” 

“I just know that you work there and you’re always spending my money, so yeah. I know that the diner doesn’t offer it’s employees a decent paycheck,” Harry says and it kind of feels like a slap in the face. 

“I’m not always spending your money. If you spend your money on me, it’s because you want to, not because I force you to,” Zayn clarifies. “And if spending money on Niall is such a big fucking deal, then stop. I can take care of him by myself.” 

“And then what happens? Hmm? What happens when you run out of money? You’re going to come asking me to buy things,” Harry says and Zayn wonders if he’s just pulling things out of his ass, wanting to hurt him for no good reason other than to be an ass. 

“Fuck you, Harry,” Zayn spits out, clenching his fists in anger at his sides. “I don’t give a damn about your feelings for Louis. Hate him all you want, I don’t care, but if you’re pissed off at him, then take it out on him. Go be an asshole to him, because I’m sick of it.” 

Harry looks at him, his shoulders sagging a bit, but his gaze doesn’t waver. He still looks angry, at Louis, at Zayn, at himself, Zayn’s not sure, but he does know that he’s not going to take this anymore from Harry. 

“I understand that you don’t like him, I fucking got it, but he’s not going anywhere and if that’s a problem for you, then maybe you should.”

“Will you move in with me?” Harry asks and Zayn falters, his mouth opening and closing for a moment, because. 

“What?” Zayn feels like he missed something, some part of the conversation where it turned into them forgiving each other and deciding to move passed the hurtful words. He can’t remember it happened, so he’s a little more than confused at Harry’s question. 

“Will you move in with me, in my house. You and Niall.” 

“No,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “I won’t.” 

“Yeah? And why not?” 

“Why would I? You’re being a jerk. You insult me, you accuse me of using you, and then you ask me to move in with you?” Zayn says, shaking his head. “You have a funny fucking way of trying to get me to say yes if that’s what you’re doing.”

“Yeah well, shouldn’t have asked in the first place,” Harry mumbles, turning away from Zayn, shutting him out. “Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes, I’ll call you and Niall then.”

“Whatever,” Zayn mutters, turning away from Harry and walking down the hallway towards Niall’s room like he promised he would. 

Niall’s standing in the doorway of his bedroom watching Zayn with wide eyes, as he approaches and Zayn wonders how long he’s been standing there, if he stepped out when they started yelling. “Daddy yell,” Niall says, and Zayn sighs, because yeah, Niall had been listening. 

“Yeah, he did, but you don’t have to worry about that.” 

“Baba yell,” Niall says, following Zayn into his bedroom. 

Zayn sighs and sits down on Niall’s bed, patting the spot next to him. “Baba and Daddy are just being loud, it’s okay.” 

Niall looks at him for a moment, he doesn’t look like he believes Zayn’s story, but after a brief moment he’s nodding his head and grabbing his stuffed lion and handing it to Zayn, ready to play with his toys and forget about the raised voices from down the hall. 

~~~

Zayn sits in his bedroom, listening to the sounds of the dishes clanking in the sink where Harry is washing them. He contemplates going out there to tell Harry that he needs to quiet down, that if wakes Niall then… Zayn’s honestly not sure what he’ll do, just relocate bedrooms and read him books until he can fall asleep again. He should have asked his mom to watch him again; it’s not good for Niall to be home when he and Harry are still fighting. 

He doesn’t know why he’s sitting in his bedroom, back propped against the wall and staring at the one in front of him. He does know actually, it’s his conversation with Louis that’s been filtering through his mind all day and the fight that he had with Harry. 

Harry thinks that Zayn uses him for money, he didn’t say it, but Zayn thinks that he didn’t really have to, the words practically were spilling out of his mouth, the message heard loud and clear. And it’s just; he wonders it would help anything to quit his job. He’d find something worthwhile, maybe. He could find something that makes him happy, like Harry’s job does for him, but he could also find something that doesn’t want to work with him having a child. He can’t give up the time that he spends with Niall, he refuses to, but he also wants to be able to afford nice things for Niall, like a house instead of a shitty two-bedroom apartment. He wants to be able to set money aside for Niall’s education, doesn’t want Niall to have to choose between his dream school and a school that’s affordable. 

Zayn doesn’t know what he’s going to do, because it all appeals to him in different ways. He’s too young to have a midlife crisis where he doubts everything and anything, but he can feel one gnawing at him, trying to consume him. 

He glances up when he hears the sound of his door, sits up a little straighter when he sees that it’s Harry sneaking in, shutting the door quietly behind him. 

“I’m sorry that I yelled at you,” Harry says, sighing and looking up at Zayn. “Both tonight and last night.” 

“It’s okay,” Zayn says, smiling at Harry before he looks away. He’s not really hurt, well; he is, a little bit, but not enough to hold a grudge against Harry, at least not with so much on his mind. 

“I know that it’s not an excuse, because I said some really awful things that I didn’t mean, but I’ve been trying to think of ways to ask you to move in with me for a while, and doing it while we’re yelling at each other probably isn’t the best idea, but I didn’t want you to say no.” 

“So you screamed it at me?” 

Harry laughs and shrugs. “Like I said, probably not the best idea, but.” He shrugs once again and takes a cautious step towards the bed, waiting for Zayn to protest and send him to the other room. He’s not going to, he’s too tired for that. He just wants to shower and lie down. 

Harry lies down next to him, propped on his elbow and slowly reaches across the bed until his hand on Zayn’s. It feels like another apology, some kind of cease fire, but Zayn’s still a little hurt ad his mind is racing and he just wants to be left alone. 

“I think I’m going to shower,” Zayn says, shrugging out of Harry’s grasp. He avoids looking at Harry’s face as he stumbles out of bed. He grabs a towel and steps into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door, something he hasn’t done in a while, but he just wants to be alone, needs time to think about things.


	47. Chapter 47

When Harry wakes up, he’s alone in Zayn’s bedroom, the sheets on the other side rumpled and cold. He doesn’t know how long Zayn’s been awake, but he knows that Zayn didn’t care to wake him. He glances at the clock on the side of the bed and sees that it’s nearly eleven, and Harry groans, rubbing at his tired eyes before he tosses the blanket off his body. 

After he gets ready for the day, he stumbles out of the bedroom in search of his boyfriend and son, which doesn’t take long because they’re in the living room, sitting on the floor in front of the table with their sketchbooks in front of them. 

“I see you’re finally awake,” Zayn says as way of greeting, smiling at him briefly before his gaze drops down to the paper in front of him. 

“Yeah,” Harry says, biting back the ‘no thanks to you’ that threatens to spill from his lips. He doesn’t want to fight with Zayn, he hates it, hates the way it makes him feel, primal, almost feral in his anger, and he doesn’t like it when he goes to reflect at the end of the day and he sees the way Zayn’s face changes, the pained expression as he tries to fight back. 

Zayn’s better at getting angry, but Harry is better at being angry, his words cutting like knives, and he knows that the things he said the other night weren’t right, knew it as he was saying them, but he couldn’t stop himself, couldn’t help this feeling that was taking over him, the one that he’d like to blame on Louis, but the one that he knows is entirely his own fault. 

“Daddy,” Niall says, struggling to drop his crayons and to stand up before he’s rushing towards Harry, jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly, arms wrapped around Harry’s neck. “You sleep.” 

“I did, yeah,” Harry confirms, kissing Niall’s cheek before he sets him back down on the ground, following him back to the front of the table so he can sit down next to them. 

“You tired?” Niall asks, grabbing another one of his crayons. He doesn’t look like he really cares about the answer to his question; his attention seemingly focused on the crayons instead of Harry now that’s back to coloring his picture. Harry’s not bothered by it, it gives him the chance to talk to Zayn. 

“Why did you let me sleep in?” he asks, running his fingers through Niall’s hair. 

Zayn shrugs. “Was going to wake you eventually, I’ve got work in a few, so it’s not like you were going to have slept all day,” he says as an answer, pencil moving across paper the entire time, not even bothering to glance up at Harry as he talks. “Did you need to wake up for a reason?” 

“No, but it’d have been nice to be up with you guys, spend time together before you go to work.” 

Zayn shrugs again. “I wanted to spend time with my son, sorry.” He sets his phone down on the table and sighs, flipping his sketchbook closed and Harry tries to fight down the bit of annoyance that’s nipping away at him, making him want to bite back, say something just as snarky, something that’ll nip away at Zayn. “I’m going to shower and get ready, so he’s all yours. He might need a diaper changed, it’s been long enough but he hasn’t complained.” 

Harry nods but doesn’t say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing, for fear of saying something he’s going to regret. He watches Zayn leave and waits until he hears the bedroom door shut before he lets out a deep breath, draining his lungs completely. 

“Daddy,” Niall says, pulling Harry from his thoughts before he has the chance to get lost in them. “What it?” He’s pointing at something on the page in front of him and Harry sits up a little to get a better look. 

“What is that? That’s a chicken,” Harry says, Niall looks at him with his eyebrows knitted together, like he doesn’t believe. “Do you know what this one is?”

“That dog.” 

“That’s a pig,” Harry corrects. “Do you know what color you made him?” 

“Green.” 

Harry laughs and shakes his head. “No, baby, that’s orange.” 

“It not,” Niall says, shaking his head and turning away from Harry, grabbing a crayon and getting back to work. 

~~~ 

The things that Harry said to Zayn, the way that he treated, and his reactions to it all are haunting him, making his skin itch in regret, because he didn’t mean anything that he said. Granted, he doesn’t like Louis after what happened in the bar’s bathroom, and that part is true, but the rest of it, the accusations and the name calling, Harry didn't mean that. And he can see the look that flashed across Zayn’s face when he called him selfish, could see the tiny wall inside of Zayn building back up again as he shrunk in on himself. 

Harry also knows that Zayn’s attitude now, while angry on the surface is mostly a defense mechanism, the same one that he had in place when he first met Harry and he tried to act indifferent to everything, like it wasn’t eating away at him inside. 

There’s only one thing that Harry can do, which is why shortly after Zayn left for work, he drove to Liam’s house and asked him to watch Niall for a couple hours before he drove to Louis’ place. It’s the last place in the world that he wants to be, but he has to do this, because he refuses to Zayn over something as stupid as his own pride and bullshit ultimatums. 

When Louis’ door pulls open, he’s smiling but it instantly drops when he sees that it’s Harry standing behind it. “Oh, um. Hello,” Louis says, stepping in front of the opening, blocking Harry’s entrance. “Zayn’s not here, if that’s who you’re looking for.” 

“No, I’m not looking for him. I uh, wanted to see you, actually,” Harry says, taking a deep breath. 

“Is this so you can finally punch me? If so, then just do it now, because I’d like to be able to close the door immediately following, lick my wounds alone, if that’s all right,” Louis mutters, standing up a little straighter, like he’s bracing himself. 

“No, I’m not going to hit you,” Harry laughs, shaking his head. It sounds like a great idea, one that has his fist clenching involuntarily. “I’d like to, actually, but Liam would hate me again and we’ve just patched up our relationship at work, so I don’t want to fuck it up again.” 

“Mhm,” Louis hums, nodding. “I have a feeling that he’s not the actual reason for your restraint, but okay.” 

“Zayn would be angry, yes, and that’s kind of why I’m here,” Harry explains, “Zayn and I have been fighting lately, and I don’t like when we fight, no one does, but enough shit has happened in this relationship without the help of me being a dick.”

“Okay, so why are you here? For advice?” Louis asks, looking confused. Harry groans and shakes his head, because it shouldn’t be this fucking difficult to spell out. 

“Our fights all revolve around you, you’re the source of our issues. I’m not saying that I haven’t fucked up, I’m not saying that he hasn’t, but it all circles back around to what we did and my feelings about you because of that, so if it’s all right with you, I’d like to come inside and talk to you,” Harry explains, “and no hitting, just talking, because Zayn’s closed off enough right now and I don’t want to be the cause of it any more, so… Can I come inside?” 

Louis nods and pulls the door open, stepping aside to allow Harry entry. He takes a deep breath as he steps inside, sitting down on the couch on the far end so that he doesn’t have to be close to Louis as he does this. 

“I think I’ve properly apologized to everyone but you, so I just want you to know that I am sorry,” Louis says as he sits down. “I’m not going to make any excuses for what I did, like say that I was drunk, but I will say that I wish it never happened, not because it fucked up my friendship with Zayn, your friendship with Liam and myself, or your relationship with Zayn, but because I hurt Zayn, and he is, without question the most important person to me. But I’m sorry, I know you don’t forgive me, and that’s okay, I have more forgiveness than I deserve, but that doesn’t change the fact you deserve to hear it.” 

Harry nods and smiles, unsure of what else to do. “I don’t think I forgive you, but I accept your apology.” 

“Thanks, that’s good. Um, that’s step one to keeping Zayn happy,” Louis jokes. “Now, should we move on to step two?” 

Harry smiles in spite of himself, breathing out a laugh. “If you have any ideas on what step two should be then let me know, because I’m at a loss. The only thing that I knew I needed to do was come talk to you, I didn’t really get to the part where I said anything.” 

“Well, I’ll be here for whatever you need to talk about,” Louis says, leaning back against the couch. 

“You know you fucked up, right? You like, royally fucked up, not even just your own life, which seems to be going swimmingly compared to everyone else’s but you fucked up my life and Zayn’s.” 

“Yeah, but not forever. You’re already back together, Zayn’s moving passed what happened, it’s just you that’s stuck, and that’s fine. No one, not even Zayn, is going to push you to get over what happened, but it might be helpful if you figured out why you can’t move on,” Louis says, “or, if you already know, you should talk about it.”

Harry nods and takes a deep breath as he sinks further into the couch, resting his head against the cushion and closing his eyes. There’s a lot going on inside of him, the anger he feels towards Louis and the wall of protection that he’s trying to build up against him, this force field that keeps Louis at a distance, and the issues that he’s been trying to deal with. He’s tried to forget, tried to keep his past buried deep within him and kept out of his relationship with Zayn, because it doesn’t matter, who Harry has been with before, they’re not relevant to his time with Zayn, no matter how much he loved or cared about another person, because Zayn’s it, the endgame that everyone waits for, and living in the past is only going to fuck up their future. But lately, since the night with Louis, he’s been struggling, really struggling.

“I used to date this guy, it’s been a couple years now, I think. I don’t usually think about it, kind of buried it deep inside me,” Harry starts, clearing his throat. “I thought we were in love, and maybe we were, or at least I was.” He glances over and sees that Louis’ attention is on him completely and it’s the most serious that he’s ever seen Louis look, but he also looks like he’s ready to comfort Harry should anything go wrong. “I also had a friend, a couple years ago, and um, well, I guess it goes without saying that I cared about the both of them more than they did me.”

“Did he cheat on you?” Louis asks carefully and gently and Harry sees that he struggles with reaching out to him, Harry is grateful that he doesn’t, grateful that he folds his hands in his lap. When Harry nods, Louis sighs and frowns. 

“It’s not a big deal,” Harry sighs, shrugging. “It’s just hard, going from hating someone for doing something to you and then doing that thing yourself. It’s not, that’s not me. I don’t like dwelling on this, and I don’t like what we did together.” 

“No one does, Harry.” 

“I know, I know, but see, I buried these issues so deep that it’s like, I forgot at first. I didn’t remember for a while and then it’s like, it’s eating at me, you know? And I don’t know what to do.”

“You should tell Zayn about this, Harry,” Louis mutters, nodding encouragingly. “No one likes to hear about their boyfriend’s exes, but this is important. He thinks that you’re doing this entirely because of your feelings about me, but he needs to know this.” 

Harry sighs and nods, because Louis is right. Of all people, Louis fucking Tomlinson is right. Harry can’t help but laugh at the thought. 

“Just let him know what’s going on, okay? Because he needs to know, and yesterday, when we were at work, I could tell that it’s really bothering him what’s happening between you two, so don’t let him think that it’s entirely his fault, because that’s how he feels right now.”

Harry takes a deep breath and nods, hating the feeling in his chest at the thought of Zayn being upset at work, or trying to hide his feelings. It’s not pleasant and Harry hates that he caused it. “Yeah, all right,” he says, rubbing at his face. “He mentioned that you’re going to be working with Liam and I, is that like, is that permanent?” 

“No,” Louis says, shaking his head. “I’ve been wanting and needed a new job for ages, but I finally mentioned the idea to Liam, and he thought that it would be best that I talk to your boss about working at the front desk. It’s only temporary, just something where I can apply for jobs and still get paid. I’ll make twice as much money as I did at the diner sitting on my ass, so I took the job. I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.”

“I don’t own the business, so it’s not really up to me, but I’m sure it’ll make Liam happy.” 

“It’ll give you the chance to see Zayn during lunch, just like you want.” 

Harry nods. “Maybe. I’ve got the feeling that he’s still going to choose to eat with you.” 

Louis shrugs. “Well, I’m a fairly popular guy,” Louis teases, grinning. “He’ll have to fight Liam for me.” 

Harry smiles and nods, taking a deep breath because he can feel a small weight lifted off his shoulders, a tiny chip at his armor against Louis. He feels lighter, relieved even, now that he’s had this conversation. “Louis?” 

“Hmm?”

“You’re still not my favorite person and I still haven’t forgiven you, but I can’t let you fuck my relationship up even more, even if it’s disguised as my own problems. I mean, it’s pretty much my own problems, but I’m going to try, just,” he pauses to take a deep breath, “bear with me when I snap at you, because I probably will.” 

“Fair warning,” Louis mumbles. 

~~~ 

Harry finds Zayn curled up in bed fast asleep, his arms tucked against his chest and his legs bent. He’s hugging himself close, breathing quietly in the darkening room. Niall’s lying next to him, and Harry wonders how Zayn that Niall was with Liam, if he got him or if Liam brought him back, not realizing that Harry said he’d get him later. Either way, Niall looks like he’s just waking up himself, his hair wild, a dopey grin on his face as he kicks out of the blankets. 

“Hi, Daddy,” Niall says, rubbing at his cheeks. 

“Quiet,” Harry whispers, pointing behind Niall to where Zayn’s shifting a little, sheets dragging beneath him. “Uncle Louis is in the living room, can you go see him? He’ll brush your hair while I wake Baba.” 

Niall’s grin widens at Louis’ name, he lets Harry help him out of the bed before he rushes out of the room, barely making it past the bedrooms threshold when he yells out for Louis. 

Harry shakes his head, moving quietly across the room to shut the door before he slips into bed besides Zayn, careful not to jostle him as he moves underneath the blankets, breathing out deeply. 

Harry watches Zayn sleep, the quiet flutter of his eyelashes and the way that his mouth shifts, his lips curling slightly as he dreams. He’s almost asleep himself - Zayn’s breathing turned into his own quiet lullaby – when he feels the bed shifting, and when he opens his eyes, Zayn’s slowly blinking awake, groaning as he stretches out his limbs. 

Zayn sighs and closes his eyes again, and Harry uses the opportunity to ghost his fingers across Zayn’s cheek, stroking his jaw, gently coaxing him into consciousness. 

“Why’d you take Niall to Liam’s?” Zayn questions, voice quiet and eyes still closed. 

“I went to talk to Louis,” Harry answers, dragging his hand from Zayn’s jaw down to his hand, interlocking their fingers. Zayn’s still pliant from sleep, and it’s the closest that Harry has been to him in days, so he’s using it to his advantage, scooting a little closer to Zayn. 

“Please tell me that you didn’t fight with him,” Zayn says, finally opening his eyes to look at Harry. “I know that you don’t like him, and you don’t have to like him.” 

“No, hey. Shh,” Harry murmurs. “It’s not like that.” 

“But it is, you hate him and we’ve been fighting, so it’s obvious that you’re taking your anger out on him.” 

“That is why I went over there, because we’ve been fighting and it’s his fault, but it’s my fault for letting it get to that point, so I didn’t go over there to yell at him.” 

“Good,” Zayn mumbles, sighing and closing his eyes again. “I don’t want anyone to fight, just want to know that the two of you can be in the same room together, for Niall’s sake. He doesn’t need to know that you don’t like him.”

“I know, babe. And you’re right, I was being unreasonable with you when I demanded that you not see Louis, that’s not fair. I shouldn’t have done that to you, shouldn’t have made you feel like you have to choose.” 

Zayn opens his eyes and squeezes Harry’s hand gently. “I don’t want to have to choose between the two of you. I don’t think that I could. I thought about it, the other night in the shower, and every answer I could come up with involved a lot of sneaking around.”

“I’m still not happy with him, and I’m still angry about what happened, but most of my anger has been directed towards myself. I’ve been projecting it all on him.” 

“That’s what happens sometimes, when people are frustrated.” 

“Yeah, but it’s not going to fix itself unless I can move on from it, so I’m moving on from it. Or, well. I’m trying.” 

“Good,” Zayn murmurs, smiling. 

Harry nods, shifting around so that he’s no longer holding Zayn’s hand, but gripping onto his waist, thumb stroking against the cotton of his shirt. He looks at Zayn for a moment, content to watch him for a moment as he tries to gather his thoughts. It’s ridiculous, really, that Harry would find it so difficult to tell Zayn some of the things that he mentioned to Louis earlier, but it is. Harry doesn’t know what it is, but it’s stuff that he wants to keep in a box deep inside of his chest and hold close, not something that he wants to share, even with the boy that he loves dearly. And it’s not wrong of him, he knows that Zayn has things from his past that he doesn’t want to talk about, other things from his past that happened in bathrooms. 

But, Harry knows that if he loves Zayn as much as he thinks he does, that he shouldn’t be worried about something like this, because nothing he doesn’t want to talk about will affect either of them. 

“I’m sorry for the things that I said to you the other day,” Harry mumbles, taking a deep breath. “I don’t think you’re selfish, nor do I believe any of those things that I said.” 

Zayn smiles at him, hand coming up to Harry’s cheek, thumb stroking the skin. “It’s okay.” 

“No, it’s really not, and that’s why I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah, but you were angry, everyone says things like that in the heat of the moment. You’re never mad, so it makes sense that you’d kind of explode when it finally happened.” 

Harry nods and chews on his bottom lip, frowning at Zayn. “A few years ago, I was dating this guy. We were, or well, I thought we were in love with each other.” He feels Zayn stiffen under his palms, but he has to finish. “I think it was winter when it happened, at a holiday party. I found him and a friend, not my best friend, but a good friend locked in the coat closet together, I was getting my sister’s coat when I caught them. They were drunk and asked me to leave, didn’t register that it was me, and I ignored it, until I found them like that again.” Harry sighs and shakes his head, shoving the memory back to where it was before, clenching his eyes shut tight as he takes a deep breath. 

Opening his eyes, he sees Zayn looking at him thoughtfully. “Is that why you hate Louis so much?” 

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Harry answers honestly, shrugging when Zayn frowns at him. “I’ve mostly been angry at myself, but it took me a while to realize. I’ve forced myself to forget about it, forced it to the back of my mind, buried deep and locked away, but then I kind of remembered it, and I didn’t want to, so I blamed Louis, because it was easier to admit that I was like my ex.” 

“I don’t think you’re like your ex.” 

“You don’t think I’m a cheater?” 

Zayn sighs and pulls himself forward, wrapping himself around Harry, his legs intertwined with Harry’s, his arms pulling him as close as he can. It anchors Harry, pulling him back down. “You made a mistake, you cheated, but you’re not a cheater. We can analyze the reasons for why it happened, if it’s really because of what Louis said, or if there’s more, but that doesn’t matter to me, and I don’t think it matters to you,” Zayn says quietly, his mouth pressed close to Harry’s ear. “You’ve done what you can to earn forgiveness, that’s not something a cheater does.”

“You don’t deserve to be treated this way.” 

“And you don’t deserve to beat yourself up over something that I’ve already forgiven for you.”

“I know, that’s why I’m letting it go. I talked to Louis, I don’t even think that I said everything that I wanted to, but I warned him that I might yell at him again, so I guess that I have free reign there.” 

Zayn snorts and pinches Harry’s back. “Be nice.” 

“I’m always nice,” Harry replies, pressing a kiss to the side of Zayn’s head. “I’ve got your best friend in there with Niall, told him to take him for the night so we can have alone time.” 

They’re quiet after that, wrapped around each other and content with the silence that’s surrounding them, the quiet sounds of Niall and Louis in the other room penetrating the air every now and then. Zayn squirms a bit in his arms, like he’s trying to get closer to Harry, but they’re pressed flush together and Harry doesn’t know what to do besides hold tighter, to try his best to keep Zayn satisfied in the moment, but his squirming becomes a bit much, so Harry can’t help himself when he asks, “What are you doing?” 

“You smell like safety,” Zayn murmurs back, voice low. “And comfort, happiness, and love.” 

“All that?” 

“Yeah, you smell like home,” Zayn mutters. “You feel like home, when I’m with you, when I’m with Niall, that’s home.” 

Harry doesn’t know what to say, so he keeps quiet, closes his eyes and listens to the sound of Zayn’s voice. 

“Home is the brown and curl of your hair, the green of your eyes. It’s the influence that you’ve placed on Niall, the way that he admires you and already tries to be like you. That’s home. It’s you, you know? The way you make me feel, how I know that you’d do anything for me, for Niall. I know that I sound crazy right now, but I’ve been thinking, you know, since you asked me to move in with you, and I don’t know if you were being serious-“ 

“I was,” Harry says, interrupting Zayn. “I know that it was the worst possible time to ask, but. I meant it.”

“Well then, yeah, because home’s not without you, Harry.”

~~~ 

After they said goodbye to Niall and packed him a pack, Harry and Zayn spent all of five minutes on the couch before Zayn grabbed Harry’s hand and dragged him back to bed, muttering about how he was still tired, and how Niall should have just came to them to say goodbye. 

They’re not lying as close to each other as they were before, Zayn’s not as clingy and cuddly as he was when he first woke up from his name, which is fine with Harry, he’d like to talk to Zayn and see more than just wisps of his hair. 

“Are you sure that you want to move in with me?” Harry asks, wanting to make sure that Zayn didn’t agree to it just because he was spilling his guts about his past and that Zayn felt sorry for him, didn’t want to see Harry wallowing in his own self-pity, so Zayn decided to pity him himself. 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Zayn confirms, nodding his head. “It’s just going to be hard, you know? Like, leaving here. Niall first talked here, walked, everything, and it’s like I’m leaving that all behind.”

“Well, he hasn’t had his first potty here,” Harry jokes, forcing a laugh out of Zayn. 

“Yeah, well, you can’t win them all, can you?” 

“No, I guess not,” Harry mutters, sighing as he flips onto his back, needing to stop the cramp that he can feel forming on his side from laying there for so long. “You know I’m sorry, right? Like, that was obvious earlier?” 

He turns his head to see Zayn rolling his eyes at him, shaking his head before he’s moving, jumping up and straddling Harry’s waist. He places his hands on Harry’s chest, and Harry reaches up involuntarily to grab his wrists, keeping him there. 

“Stop apologizing,” Zayn grits out, trying his best to look annoyed, he mostly looks fond, if Harry’s being honest. 

“Well, I just want you to know how sorry I am.” 

“Well then,” Zayn says easily, grinding down on Harry, and it’s so sudden, so unexpected that he gasps, his hips bucking up. “Show me how sorry you are,” he mumbles before he leans down and his lips are pressing against Harry’s.


	48. Chapter 48

It’s quiet the next morning, just Harry and Zayn in bed with their tea and coffee waiting for Niall to come home. Zayn had told Louis to take his time bringing him back, not for any other reason besides the fact that he has to talk to Harry about something that he neglected to mention the night before, too nervous to say anything, but he knows that he can’t hide it forever, and it’s something that Harry should know if they’re going to be moving in together, because he doesn't want him to think that he quit his job because he has a fancy house now and a boyfriend that lives with him instead of just stays with him sometimes.

It makes Zayn nervous, though. Makes his stomach gurgle and churn because he needs a job, needs an income to support Niall and himself. He can’t do it without one; he wasn’t born into that kind of luxury, the one where you don’t have to lift a finger because your family name is enough to keep your bank balance full.

And with Harry’s words still ringing in his head, the ones implying that Zayn uses him for his money, makes it that much more nerve wracking. He knows that Harry didn’t mean it, was just looking for insults to throw in his time of anger, but also knowing that he quit his job right after denying it doesn’t look good on his part. But he’s only human after all, and it’s not like Harry is going to break up with him over it, so he swallows the final sip of his tea and sets the mug down on the end table next to the bed, ready to talk to Harry.

“I have to tell you something,” Zayn says, nudging Harry’s thigh with his foot.

Harry grunts, acknowledging that Zayn spoke but not turning his attention towards him. Zayn rolls his eyes.

“Harry, I really need to talk to you.” He digs his toe further into Harry’s thigh until Harry swats at him, looking up from his notebook.

“Sorry, what is it you wanted to talk to me about? Did you say?” Harry asks, frowning.

“No, I didn’t say,” Zayn replies, shaking his head. He takes a deep breath and swallows thickly because Harry is looking at him, eyes wide and his attention completely on Zayn, making this that much harder. “I quit my job,” he says, deciding to rip the band-aid off quickly.

Harry blinks. “You…wait. You what?”

“I didn’t want to mention it last night because things were good between us, and I was a little tired when you first came into the bedroom, not really thinking about it until later, but we were you know, busy. I don’t think telling someone you quit your job is normal sex conversation.”

“Right, of course,” Harry says, nodding. “But you really quit your job? Like, you gave them your notice and everything?”

Zayn bites his lip. “No, not exactly.”

“Okay,” Harry says, closing his notebook and capping his pen, setting them both on the end table so he can look at Zayn fully. “What exactly happened then?”

“I was nervous and I wasn’t sure how to go about it, you know? I just knew that I wanted to quit, so when my boss came in, I kind of just told him that I quit and left,” Zayn explains, wincing when Harry frowns, biting his lip. “I couldn’t remember the appropriate protocol at the time, and I didn’t want him to talk me out of it. I was scared, so I fled.”

“No, no it’s fine. I mean, obviously it’s not the ideal way to quit your job, but it’s fine,” Harry assures him, smiling. “I’m sure your boss would have liked some notice, but you can’t change it now.”

“I know,” Zayn sighs, pulling his knees up to his chest.

Harry places a hand on Zayn's knee and squeezes it encouragingly, still smiling. “Can I ask why you quit, though? I thought that you loved that job.”

“I loved the flexibility it gave me in regards to Niall, but it’s not where I want to be in the world, ya know?” Zayn says, shrugging. “I just… Everyone’s life is moving forward. Everyone is doing something. You and Liam just started writing songs, Louis is trying to find a new job, kind of already has a new job. Louis and Liam are about to get married, whenever that might be, but they’re planning it, I bet.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t-“

“And you asked me to move in with you, and just… Why? I’m not going anywhere, I stand behind a register all day at a diner that’s never busy, so I got caught up in the moment and quit. It’s all I had outside of this apartment, but it’s not anything to brag about. Yeah, I’m the guy who works the register that’s dating the producer slash songwriter, best friend to someone trying to get his life together, and father to the best little boy in the world. Like, why would any of those great things want to be associated with me? Why?”

“Because we love you,” Harry answers easily. “Because we don’t care what kind of job that you have. I don’t give a shit about that superficial bullshit, if you’re happy there then you’re happy there, but if you’re not, which it doesn’t sound like you were, then I’ll support your decision to quit.”

“I know that, that’s why I felt brave enough to quit, because neither you, Niall, Louis or Liam would give me shit about it.”

“Well, Niall might,” Harry jokes, pushing at Zayn’s knees gently. “You know that he loved it there.”

“He’s who I’m worried about most, actually,” Zayn admits, casting his eyes downward. “I don’t know how I’m going to afford everything he needs until I find a new job. I don’t know how I’m going to take care of him.”

“You know that I’m here, right?” Harry asks, tilting Zayn’s chin up and forcing him to look at him.

“I don’t want to use all your money because I’m an idiot that did something without thinking about it.”

“You’re not using my money, though,” Harry reasons, shaking his head. “Using my money would be buying yourself a gold watch worth thousands, not buying diapers for your son, who in case you have forgotten refers to me as daddy as well. That’s not using me, that’s a responsibility that I want to take on. Maybe it’d be different if you were asking me to buy a boat or something, but not taking care of you and Niall”

It’s at that moment, when Harry pauses to gauge Zayn’s reaction that the front door opens followed by, “Baba! Daddy!”

“Looks like someone is looking for us,” Zayn says. “If we don’t go out there Louis is going to think we’re having sex and leave with him, so we should get going.”

Harry nods, getting up out of bed slowly. “Just promise me that you’re not going to freak out about the fact that we might be living solely off my pay check for a month or two while you find a new job.”

Zayn grins at him, hand on the door knob and says, “Have I ever been known to freak out before?” He asks, winking before he disappears to the sound of Harry’s laughter.

~~~

“You mean to tell me that you two are moving in together and you didn’t call me right away?” Louis asks, a hint of outrage to his voice as he pokes Zayn in the ribs. “You’re supposed to tell me your happy news. I would have brought a cake.”

“This isn’t the type of situation for a cake,” Zayn says, laughing.

“Yes it is, Liam and I have been waiting for this, haven’t we, babe?” Louis says, turning to look at Liam who nods.

“It’s not like we sat around hoping it would happen, but we’ve talked about it, at least,” Liam clarifies.

“I was waiting for the right time to do it,” Harry explains, chiming in. He feels stiff next to Zayn, gripping onto his thigh a bit, but he’s trying, and Zayn appreciates the effort. It had been Harry’s idea for Louis and Liam to stick around, Zayn’s pretty sure that he did it to prove to Zayn that he can handle being around Louis without being an ass, to show him that he’ll behave himself for Niall’s sake. Zayn appreciates it, but the effort isn’t necessary, at least not so soon after Louis and Harry’s talk. Zayn figures small bites are better than giant gobbles.

“And when was the right time?” Liam asks.

“Well that’s the best part,” Harry says, releasing a deep breath. “You think that you know the best time, which would have involved the help of Niall, if I’m being honest, since Zayn would have said yes to him well before he did me, but sometimes just blurting it out in an argument works too.”

Louis is grinning wickedly while Liam shakes his head, laughing lightly.

“I not do it,” Niall adds, feeling left out from the conversation. “I not.”

“You didn’t?” Louis asks, gasping. “And why not?”

Zayn smiles at the interaction, taking the break in conversation to turn towards Harry, leaning over a bit so his mouth is next to his ear when he whispers, “you all right?”

Harry nods and smiles at him, it doesn’t look forced so Zayn’s inclined to believe him. “I’m fine, just trying to ease into it. Kind of easier with Niall around,” Harry replies, voice low. “I know he’ll yell at us if anyone gets angry or raise their voice, so it’s keeping me calmer.”

“When you want them to leave, they’ll leave,” Zayn assures him firmly, wanting to work with Harry as much as Harry is working with him, doing his best to compromise right now. It makes Zayn’s heart ache with this need to burst right out of his chest, he wants to press Harry into the couch and kiss him until neither of them can breathe, but Niall’s here, and that’s not the kind of show that his son needs to see.

“I’m happy for you both,” Liam says, breaking up Harry and Zayn’s private conversation. “I know you’ve kind of been living together anyway, back and forth, but it’ll be nice, I’m sure, to have a place that’s yours instead of just his or mine.”

“Yeah,” Zayn agrees, he thinks that it’ll probably be best for Niall, eventually, when he’s older to have one home instead of two, one place that he can go to and know that he’s welcome. He’ll have two by default since Louis doesn’t seem like he’ll ever get rid of his room for Niall, and three if Zayn counts his mother. Four if he includes Harry’s sister. “It’s going to be slow at first, though. We’re just going to slowly start the shift, like spending our time there, slowly moving clothes and stuff.”

“Yeah, that’s probably better than just jumping right into it,” Liam agrees, nodding.

“We thought it would be best for Niall,” Harry adds.

“Plus I’ve still got time on my lease, so,” Zayn says, shrugging. Liam smiles at him and nods, then changes the topic so he’s talking strictly to Harry. It’s something about work, a phone call that Ellie apparently made to him. Zayn tunes out of it and focuses on his son.

“I love you,” Louis says, poking Niall in the stomach.

Niall giggles and swats at his hand. “Love Daddy.”

Louis gasps and launches forward, tickling Niall’s sides and making him laugh. Zayn smiles at the sight, sighing and leaning back against the couch, content to just be for a moment and watch his son.

“I love you, Niall,” Louis says, wiggling his fingers in front of Niall, a playful threat in case he says the wrong answer.

“Love Daddy,” Niall says again, giggling when he receives the consequences for it.

They go back and forth like this and Zayn tries not to laugh at the sight.

“Niall, I love you the very bestest,” Louis says, “can’t you love me best?”

“Love Daddy best,” Niall answers, grinning widely.

“Niall,” Louis warns, his fingers dangerously close to Niall’s ribs. “Say Uncle Louis.”

“Not Baba, love Daddy,” Niall says and it feels like the room kind of stills.

Louis falters in front of Niall, tickling him but casting these nervous glances towards Zayn. Harry and Liam have both gotten quiet next to Zayn and he’s fine. He’s fine. He feels a little itchy, a little prickly, but he’s fine. Or well, he’d be fine if Niall would stop chanting it, would stop screaming about how much he loves Harry and not him.

It hurts like a bullet through the heart, even more so because Niall has been showing preference towards Harry for ages now, constantly wanting to look like him, dress like him, act like him. The signs have all been there and his son is now screaming it in front of him, smiling like it’s nothing.

So maybe he’s not fine, maybe it hurts a little.

He tries to smile but the prickling behind his eyes is getting a little worse, so he knows that it’s more of a grimace, if anything. “I need to use the toilet,” Zayn says, nodding as he stands.

“Babe,” Harry says, reaching out for Zayn but Zayn side steps it.

“No, I’ll be right back. It’s fine, I just need to use the toilet for a minute,” he says again, smiling once more before he rushes down the hall. He avoids the hall bath and locks himself in his bedroom, doing his best to try and catch his breath.

It’s not a big deal what Niall said, he tells himself, trying to stop the sensation behind his eyes, the one that’s making them water. He’s fine. It’s not a big deal.

~~~

Zayn refuses to talk about it for the rest of the night, comes out of the bedroom to find Louis standing in the hallway, muttering apologies before Zayn even gets the bedroom door fully open.

He’s not angry with Louis, knows that it’s a game they play, one that they’ve played in the past where Niall claims to love everyone but Louis to laugh at Louis’ reactions, so he didn’t blame him.

He doesn’t blame Liam for sitting on the couch and watching it happen.

And he doesn’t blame Harry for being a better father and for being someone that Niall can look up to when his biological father fails him.

He didn’t talk about it with them and didn’t talk about it with Harry after they left, changing the subject every time it was brought up, because he’s fine, just like he keeps telling himself.

It’s not a big deal and he’s fine.

Does it hurt? Of course. Does It bother him? Yes. But he’s not going to let it affect him or his relationships with anyone, including his son.

“Niall, sweetheart, it’s bath time,” Zayn says, coming out of the bathroom where he just finished filling the tub up. He added bubbles and a slew of toys, hoping to show Niall that he’s pretty great as well, he lets him have a fun bath.

Niall sighs, an annoyed huff of air because he has to put his blocks down and take a bath.

“I put toys in there,” Zayn mutters. “We can’t take your blocks, though. They’re not meant for the bath.”

“Baba, I do later,” Niall says, pointing towards the blocks on the floor. “I do later.”

Zayn nods. “I won’t clean them up, baby, but you can’t play with them tonight. You have to have a bath and then it’s bed time,” Zayn explains, following Niall to the bathroom.

“All right, come here,” Harry says from where he’s sitting on the edge of the tub. “Let’s get those clothes off.”

Niall holds his arms in the air and helps Harry get his clothes off, choosing to remove his diaper himself. It’s dry and Zayn groans, knowing that Niall is probably going to pee in the tub and then get upset that his water his dirty. He was hoping for a happy bath, and he’s not even going to try suggesting that Niall use the potty, not tonight. Not when he loves Harry more, that can be Harry’s new job, telling Niall that he has to use the potty, maybe it’ll make Niall shift his favoritism back over towards Zayn. 

“Niall, do you want to wash first or play first?” Zayn asks and Niall frowns at him, which probably means play first.

“Baba, no,” Niall says. “Daddy bath, not Baba.”

“Niall, we can all be in here,” Harry reasons. “If all of us are in here, then that means more toys will be played with, don’t you want all your toys to get played with?”

Niall shakes his head.

“It’s okay, it’s fine,” Zayn says, shrugging. “I’ll be back to read you your story, okay? Daddy will get you dressed then you pick out a book for us to read.”

“You not read,” Niall says, shaking his head. “Daddy read.”

“Right,” Zayn mumbles, nodding. “Right. Okay. I’ll go in the other room then.”

“No, stay in here with us,” Harry says, capturing Zayn by the wrist. He knows that Zayn’s upset, Zayn knows that he knows it, can feel it. Bath and bed are Zayn’s things, so are the times when he gets to be with Niall, gets to have him all to himself like before. And perhaps he’s a little selfish to feel like he’s the only one entitled to this time, because Niall obviously doesn’t agree, but that doesn’t stop it from bothering him, knowing that the dynamic has changed. That he’s lost his time with Niall.

“No,” Niall says, shaking his head. “Baba not.”

“Yeah, I’ve got to go do dishes anyway,” Zayn says, smiling. “You two have fun, okay? And then I’m going to shower. If Baba doesn’t see you when you get out then I love you and good night,” he adds, leaning down to kiss Niall.

He smiles at Harry when he leaves, trying to stop his hands from shaking, because it’s not a big deal, not really. This happens to parents all the time, Zayn’s not special in his treatment from Niall right now, and it’s not a personal attack against him. He just needs some time to get used to it, his baby is getting bigger and it’s hard.

~~~

“Come here,” Harry says from the bed, his arms held wide open when Zayn finally steps out of the shower dressed for bed. He had stayed in longer than he needed to, not wanting to accidentally see Harry getting Niall ready for bed.

Zayn sighs as he steps across the room and drops down on the bed, rolling into Harry’s embrace. “I just want to cry,” Zayn admits, tucking his chin into Harry’s shoulder, taking a deep breath.

“It’s not a big deal, babe,” Harry says, rubbing Zayn’s back.

“No, it is,” Zayn sighs. “I’m selfish and greedy and I want him to love me best.”

“He does love you best.”

“Not right now he doesn’t,” Zayn corrects. “I’m his baba, he should love me best.”

“Exactly, that’s the thing. You’re his baba,” Harry says, like it’s supposed to make sense to Zayn. He shifts until he can see Zayn’s face and Zayn tries not to frown at him. “You’re kind of like the mommy in this situation, metaphorically.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Traditionally, moms are the ones that take care of the babies. They’re the ones that spend all their time with them, do everything for them like feed them, and everything else. Moms are the ones that are always there, usually, not always, as I’m sure you know, while fathers are just… They’re good later; they’re not needed as much in the beginning, not instinctually. Plenty of animals go their whole lives without fathers, like giraffes.”

“Giraffes?”

“Okay, I don’t know if that is true, but you know what I mean. Humans are one of the few where we kind of force dads to do their share, not always, though.”

“So you’re saying that I’m like Niall’s mom?” Zayn asks, confused.

“Yes, because you’re always going to be there for Niall. Always, no matter what, and you do everything for him that you can. And for a long time you were both roles, but mostly that motherly role,” Harry explains and he looks like he’s trying really hard to come up with this answer and Zayn can’t help but smile. “Moms are the ones that are always like ‘no you can’t do that, you’ll get hurt’ or ‘eat your vegetables and then you can get a cookie’ and stuff, and maybe that was just my mom, but dads are always the ones letting them do the fun but dangerous stuff, giving them cookies to spoil their dinner. That’s me, I spoil dinner.”

“So Niall loves you more because you give him cookies? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Maybe in his mind, but it’s just me. I’m new. I haven’t fallen into that role of disciplining him, telling him no doesn’t come as naturally to me, because I haven’t always been here. I’m not permanent like you are, like you have been,” Harry explains. “I’m just the new shiny toy, the one he loves the best now but he’ll get bored of me and fall back to his favorite old one.”

Zayn nods, understanding where Harry is coming from and feeling a little better about it. It still stings, knowing that Niall wouldn’t shout his name when he asked who he loves most, but it no longer makes him feel out of his skin like he might burst into tears at any moment.

“How long did it take for you to think of this?” Zayn asks, cocking an eyebrow at Harry.

“I had the mommy thought earlier, but the rest of it was made up as I went along,” Harry admits, biting his bottom lip as he grins. “How was it? Did it make you feel better? I was basically applying how I felt about my mother to your role as Niall’s father, so I wasn’t sure how it would work out. Did it make you feel better?”

“Yeah it made me feel better,” Zayn sighs.

“Good because Louis felt awful about what happened, so did Liam and well, I like to think Niall felt bad. He doesn’t mean to hurt you, but sometimes he does, unintentionally.”

“Louis shouldn’t feel bad, it’s not his fault. Niall has been hinting at this for ages, that he likes you more right now, I just didn’t know how to handle it when he said it like that,” Zayn admits, shrugging.

“It’ll be better in the morning, don’t worry. We’ll pack up both of your clothes and then head to my house.” Zayn reaches across and pinches Harry. “Ow.”

“Say it right.”

“Say what right?”

“Say it right,” Zayn repeats, looking at Harry firmly.

Harry stares back at him, frowning for a moment before realization dawns on him. “We’ll pack both your clothes and then head to our house.”

~~~

The next day, it feels different to be in Harry’s house, because it’s not just Harry’s house anymore, it is kind of Zayn and Niall’s, as well. It’s an odd thought, made even more odd by the fact that nothing in the house is Zayn’s besides a bag of clothes that he dumped by the door, deciding that he’ll carry them upstairs later.

“We need more things,” Zayn says while he’s making lunch.

“What do you mean?” Harry asks.

“I mean everything in this house is yours, all of it. This is all yours.”

Harry nods, bottom lip jutted out a bit. “All right, then we’ll buy everything new.”

Zayn scoffs. “I can’t afford that.”

“Yes, but I can, and one of the perks of living with me is that we get to share things.”

“We’re not going to use all of your money to buy every single thing new in this house,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “Maybe we could just, I don’t know. We’ll start small.”

“Like getting a new couch,” Harry suggests, nodding.

“I was going to say something like paint colors, but yeah. I guess a new couch.”

“Baba,” Niall calls, interrupting their conversation. He comes running from the living room, the string that Harry tied to his wrist so he could play with Cat and Kitty following him, along with the cats as he rushes across the room, giggling when he glances back and sees them behind him.

“What’s going on, bud?” Zayn asks, setting down the stuff in his hands to look at Niall properly.

“I hungry,” Niall says, pointing inside of his mouth.

“Well, good thing I just finished,” Zayn says. “Go over to Daddy and I’ll bring your bowl.” 

Niall nods and rushes towards Harry, nearly tripping over Kitty when she dives out from under the table for the string.

Zayn gathers his bowl and Harry’s, carrying them to the table and setting them down in front of them before he takes his own seat.


	49. Chapter 49

“What kind of job do you want?” Harry asks, and Zayn sighs, turning to look at him. That’s the exact question he was hoping to avoid when he asked Harry to help him find something. It’s been so long since Zayn tried finding a job; he’s not even sure where to start. And he’s definitely not sure where he wants to work. Before it was about finding something, anything where money was involved and he could support himself and his son. Now, with Harry, it feels like he can do anything. And it’s daunting.

“I don’t know,” he replies, shrugging. “Can’t you like, you know, just find ones that sounds like something I’d enjoy? All you have to do is highlight suggestions. I’ll look at them all later.”

“If you’re not sure,” Harry starts, pausing and biting his lip.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“No, come on. What were you going to say?” Zayn asks. “Wait, Niall. No, you can’t go into the yard, remember? Daddy and I can’t see you. You have to stay up here by us.”

Niall looks at him, hand on the railing. “Baba.”

“Niall,” Zayn says, fingers tapping against Harry’s laptop. “Are you going to listen? Or do we have to go inside?”

“Baba, I not,” Niall says, letting go of the railing and walking back towards his toys, the ones that he insisted they bring outside. “I not go. Niall stay.” He taps the wooden floor of the deck, smiling.

“Good boy,” Zayn mutters, smiling back at him. “We’ll play in the yard in a little bit, promise. Baba and Daddy have to do something first.”

“Okay, Baba,” Niall says, nodding, not bothering to look up.

Zayn looks at him for a moment longer before he glances back up at Harry. “What were you saying?”

“Nothing,” Harry says again, shrugging. And Zayn looks at him, giving him the same look that he just gave Niall a few moments ago and Harry sighs. “All right. I was just going to say that if you’re not sure about what you want to do, then you don’t have to go back to work just yet.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Harry-“

“No, hear me out. I know that you want to work. I know that, and I get it. I do. You want to provide for Niall, you don’t want to feel like you’re taking advantage of me. Or whatever. Like you’re using my money and all that, but like, you have a chance to do whatever it is you’ve always wanted to do. And I don’t want you to settle for just anything.”

“Well, I’m not going to live off your paycheck only,” Zayn mutters stubbornly, refusing to not argue this point. He just won’t do it.

Harry sighs. “I’m not saying you should.”

“I know that,” Zayn admits, shrugging. “I’m going to be as picky as I can afford with this, but like, I also want to be practical, so like, anything at all you find in that newspaper that sounds like I’d like it, just highlight it. I’ll come back later and figure out what I want to do with my life.”

Harry nods, holding the highlighter up and grinning at Zayn, making a show of shaking open the newspaper. Zayn rolls his eyes, shaking his head. He spares a glance at Niall, checking to make sure that he’s still okay on the floor, content with his toys, before he stares at the laptop screen, fingers tapping against the keys. He has no idea what he should be searching for.

Harry had shown him to different websites, places that he could search for jobs based on an array of different requirements. And he really doesn’t know what kind of requirements that he’d like in a job, at least not ones that are available on a drop down menu. None of these options take into account that he has a toddler, someone who needs him to be at home with him on weekends and after a certain point in the day. It feels kind of exhausting, scrolling through listing, trying to judge his abilities based on the list of their requirements.

It feels. Well, it feels like a lot of things, to be honest. Like one of those moments where people say that one chapter in your life has closed, but another has opened, and Zayn doesn’t want to fuck this one up. Everyone around him seems to have their lives figure out, at least in some capacity. All Zayn knows is that he wants Niall and Harry, but nothing at all career wise.

“Baba, want juice,” Niall says, looking up at him. Zayn sighs, grateful for the excuse to step away from the computer for a moment.

“What do we say?” Zayn asks, standing. Niall looks at him, frowning. “We say please.”

Niall nods. “Please want juice,” Niall corrects, smiling.

It’s close enough.

“Did you have any luck?” Harry calls after him, talking loudly so he can be heard through the open door and into the kitchen where Zayn is getting Niall is juice.

“Eh, there are a few things. Nothing really exciting. What about you?”

“Well, there are a couple things. Unless you want to dress up and stand outside a pizza place, then there are a lot of things.”

Zayn laughs, shaking his head. “No, I think that I’ll pass on that.”

He steps back outside, juice cup in hand and looks around, frowning. “Where is Niall?” He asks, because he’s not in front of his toys. He’s not anywhere, not where he’s supposed to be, not in Zayn’s chair, not next to Harry, and not in any part of the yard that he can see. “Harry, where is Niall?”

“He’s right-” Harry pauses, frowning, “He was just there.”

“Fuck,” Zayn curses, handing Harry the cup before he’s rushing down the stairs of the deck. He glances around, trying to see if he can find Niall. He’s grateful, at the very least, that Niall isn’t anywhere near the pool. He’s not near the tree line in the back of the yard, or anywhere that Zayn can see.

“He’s over here,” Harry says.

Zayn follows where he’s point and immediately takes off, because Niall’s at the edge of the yard, hugging something that from where they’re standing, it looks like a black ball of fur. It could be anything.

“Niall, you cannot run off like that,” Zayn scolds, pulling Niall away the ball of fur, resisting the urge to shove whatever it is away. Instead he steps in front of it, blocking it away from Niall, forgetting about it completely. “Baba told you not to leave. Why would you leave?”

“Dog,” Niall shouts, pointing behind Zayn. He turns and finds that the black fur belongs to a puppy, and now that he’s closer, now that his heart isn’t racing, he sees that it has white paws and a bit on his nose, carrying down his chin and onto his chest. He’s a little dirty, but he’s panting, almost smiling at Zayn. Harry’s kneeling besides it, scratching gently at its neck.

“Niall, you can’t chase animals,” Zayn says, because this could have been anything. Dogs attack. Niall’s not old enough to defend himself, not against a dog, not even against a rabid cat.

“At least this one is friendly,” Harry comments, shrugging when Zayn turns to glare at him. “What? It is.” He frowns, and holds up a finger, checking to see – “He, not it.”

“I don't care about the dog’s gender, Harry. I care about the fact that Niall chased after it. He could have gotten bit.”

“But he didn’t.”

“He could have.”

“Yes, but he didn’t. It’s a puppy,” Harry says, still petting the damn thing. Niall has joined him, shrugging out of Zayn’s grasp to tug at its fur, laughing when the puppy jumps on him and starts licking his face.

“This feels like one of those arguments that we shouldn’t be having,” Zayn mutters, rubbing at his face.

“Do you think he has an owner?” Harry asks, frowning at the puppy. “It doesn’t have a collar.”

“It’s a puppy, I’m sure someone is looking for him.”

“What if they’re not?”

“I’m sure they are.”

“But what if they’re not,” Harry insists, looking at him. And it’s almost like he’s trying to make his eyes a little wider, a little greener.

“No. Absolutely not,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “We’re not keeping him.”

“We can’t just leave him out here,” Harry tells him, still looking at Zayn with his big green eyes. He looks like he’s ready to beg.

“Harry, he could belong to someone.”

“I know that,” Harry says, nodding. “But like, we could keep him until someone claims him. Call shelters and tell them that we found him, give them a description. And then we can put out some posters, found ones. Attach a picture of him and everything.”

“And when no one calls?” Zayn asks, sighing. “What do we do when no one claims him?”

“Well, I guess the Styles’ household got itself a dog,” Harry replies, grinning.

“There are two Maliks in this house, you’ve lost the ability to say this is a Styles’ household, sorry,” Zayn retorts, smirking. “And we’re not keeping that dog.”

“Baba, it mine,” Niall interrupts, finally tuning in the conversation taking place around him. “This mine.”

~~~

A week later they invite their friends over, Louis, Liam, and Nick for a sort of housewarming party, that’s really just an excuse to have more people over for lunch on a Sunday. Harry’s also referred to it as a welcome to the family party for their new dog, since not one person in over a week has replied to their lost posters, no matter how hard Zayn tried. He called every animal shelter that he could within a reasonable distance, still with no luck.

“So you two have finally taken the plunge and moved in together,” Nick drawls, somewhere too close to Zayn’s ear for comfort.

“I guess we did,” he replies, turning to look at Nick with what he hopes is a smile. “But we’ve kind of been living together for a while, haven’t we? He’d stay at my place and I’d stay at his.”

“Yeah, but now you’re stuck here for more than a few nights a week.”

“I don’t mind being stuck here.”

“I didn’t say you wouldn’t,” Nick says, reaching over him for a glass. “Harry’s happy that you’re here. I’m sure you know that, obviously. But like, he talks about it all the time. He’s toned it down a bit, since you’ve been here for a week, but he’s still happy.”

“Well, that’s good to hear,” Zayn tells him, smiling. He already knows that Harry’s happy to have him, but it’s nice to get confirmation of it, to hear that Harry has told someone else about it.

Nick nods and then steps away, going to fill his cup up with water and Zayn takes the opportunity to head back into the other room to join the others. They’re sitting in the living room, taking up the furniture and admiring the new puppy, who is asleep on his back, belly exposed next to Harry. Zayn can see Kitty watching from the other side of the room, her tail flicking. She looks unimpressed, and Zayn wonders if it’s because she’s the only girl, or if it’s because they have a dog.

“I can’t believe you got a puppy,” Louis says, shaking his head. “You’ve always wanted one.”

Zayn sighs, because it’s true, but he kind of lost sight of that when he had Niall, forgetting that he wanted anything more than the little boy. It had been easy to forget when he lived in a place where animals weren’t allowed.

“You don’t seem very happy about him being here,” Liam notes.

“Baba happy,” Niall tells them, nodding from his place on Louis’ lap.

“I am happy,” Zayn agrees, ruffling his son’s hair before he sits down next to Harry, sliding the dog a little closer to him. “And it’s true, just puppies are a lot of work. And we have Niall, and two cats, who really don’t do much, but I just thought that’d come later, not when someone stubbornly stumbles into our yard.”

“Isn’t that how you acquire all things?” Louis asks, and when everyone looks at him, he finishes, “I just mean, everything you really care about you got by happy accident. You got me because you were crying on the first day of school. You got Niall because you were forced to get back out into the dating world. You got Harry because you were forced to come out that night, and well, he’s kind of like that puppy. He stumbling into your life and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.”

“That’s a good point,” Harry agrees, nodding.

“Well, since it’s ours now, what shall we name him?” Zayn asks, scratching at the puppy’s ear. It’s a ridiculous question, really, but he’s going to try his hardest to get a dog with a name that’s actually a name.

“What about naming it something like Bruce?” Louis suggests, nodding. And Zayn shrugs; it’s not that bad. It’s not a name that he’d consider for a dog of his own, but it’s not awful.

“Or Loki,” Liam supplies, looking at the dog thoughtfully. “Although I’m not sure he looks like a Loki.”

“He not,” Niall says, shaking his head, frowning at Liam.

“Well, it’s the first name that I could think of,” Liam defends, shrugging. “What about you two? It’s living with you, what do you want him to be named?”

“What about, like, Toby,” Harry says, pulling the dog away from Zayn to look at him. “He kind of looks like a Toby.”

“That used to be Cat’s name,” Zayn tells him, shaking his head, trying not to laugh.

Harry blinks, frowning. “Oh yeah. I forgot.”

“What about Harley?”

“That’s a bit tough for a fluffy guy like him,” Louis says.

“I don’t really like it,” Harry adds, biting his lip. “It doesn’t suit him. Look at this face.” He turns the dog around, so it’s back is pressed against his chest. “Does this fluffy monster look like a Harley to you?”

“You’re right, he doesn’t,” Zayn says, nodding. “What name goes with someone who eats your shoes?”

“Puppy,” Nick says and Zayn turns to glare at him, because of course he would suggest something that Zayn was avoiding. He’s an idiot.

“Thank you, Nick, but I think we’d rather not name our dog Puppy.”

“Not name Puppy,” Niall says, shoving out of Louis’ grasp to step forward and pet the dog in Harry’s lap. “Name Dog. That Dog.”

Zayn sighs. And Harry grins.

“I like that, Niall.”

“Do you understand that this is our life now, right? We have a cat named Cat, another named Kitty, and now a dog named Dog,” Zayn says to him, raising an eyebrow, because it’s so ridiculous.

Harry nods. “Yeah, and?”

“And we’re not getting him anymore pets. I don’t care what wanders through our yard again that’s unclaimed.”

“Of course, babe. No worries,” Harry says, setting the puppy down on the ground. He barks at them, tail wagging happily before he takes off, running across the room to grab at Liam’s shoelaces, trying his hardest to tug at them.

“He says no worries,” Louis starts and Nick finishes saying, “but he really means that anything is possible and he can’t guarantee a thing.”

Zayn sighs. “I know. He’s as bad as Niall.”

~~~

Zayn’s not sure how it happened, and neither is Niall. And he’d ask Dog, but he doubts that he’d get an answer. And it’s just. Zayn needs an answer as to what exactly happened. He’d stepped out of the room long enough to clean Niall’s dinner dishes, since he didn’t want to leave them left alone overnight, and Harry’s gone, left to take Nick home, leaving Zayn alone.

And he was out of the room for maybe five minutes, not that long. And yet…

“Baba,” Niall says, looking at him, smiling, trying to win him over.

“Niall, can we try this again?” Zayn asks, side stepping the debris on the floor. “Can you tell me why you and Dog were digging through Daddy’s plant?”

“Baba, I not,” Niall says, sighing. “I not know.”

And it’s the third time that he’s said that. The first time he told Zayn that he wasn’t, that he didn’t do it. But the evidence is all over Niall’s body. He’s covered in soil, dirt all over his clothes and hands. Dog, too, the pair of them matching, covered completely in dirt. The little bit of white in Dog’s fur is brownish; his nose is caked with mud, his mouth open, panting happily at Zayn, his tongue also covered. Niall looks just as awful, his hair and cheeks dirty.

“We have to give you a bath now, and then you’re going to bed while Baba cleans this,” Zayn explains, grabbing Niall’s hand and picking up the dog.

“Dog bath?”

“I’m afraid so,” Zayn sighs, walking slowly up the stairs, waiting patiently for Niall to get to the top.

“Love Dog,” Niall says, nodding, following Zayn into the bathroom.

“I know you do,” Zayn says, setting the puppy down on the floor and shutting the bathroom door, trapping them all inside. He sits on the side of the tub, dropping in the stopper and starting the water. “Do you think that you and Dog can play, um…cleaner?”

“Baba,” Niall says, looking at him, leaning against the tub, his elbow propped on the ledge. “I dog.”

“You were being a dog?”

Niall nods. “Baba, bubbles.”

“I don’t think Dog can have bubbles in his bath, bub. And I don’t want to do separate ones. We’re going to get him clean, then get you clean,” Zayn explains. “Do you think that we can have a bath without splashing water everywhere?”

“I not know, Baba,” Niall says, blinking innocently up at Zayn. “Where Daddy?”

“Daddy is still gone, remember? He took Uncle Nick home?” Zayn tells him, shutting off the water.

“Daddy do bath,” Niall says, stepping away from Zayn, his arms folded behind his back.

Zayn sighs, he really doesn’t want to do this tonight. He doesn’t want bath time to turn into an argument, something that it’s never been before. But he’s done a good job of ignoring it, pretending not to care or notice when Niall has shown preference. He did it earlier, wanting to be next to Harry, wanting Harry to get him juice. And it’s fine, because it’s like Harry said, kids go through these things, and if Amber had stayed. If she has stuck around, he’d be doing this with her, arguing over him doing something instead of her. But she’s not around, and it’s Harry. And it’s fine, but Zayn doesn’t want to do it tonight, not when Niall’s covered in dirt and he has to wash him and a dog.

“You have two options. Okay?” Niall nods. “You can take a bath now, with Dog. Or, we can give you a bath in five minutes.”

It’s the same thing, really, but Niall doesn’t know that.

“Now,” Niall says, nodding his head, and Zayn grins at him.

“Excellent choice. You’re a very smart boy, did you know that?”

“Yes,” Niall says, holding his arms up in the air, telling Zayn that he’s ready for his bath.

~~~

Zayn’s lying in bed, Harry beside him, trying to sift through the job listings online when Harry rolls over, finger dragging lazily up Zayn’s thigh.

Zayn ignores him, continuing his idle scrolling. He’s not finding anything interesting, not really. At least nothing that’s as interesting as Harry’s fingers ghosting over his skin, tracing patterns. He’s trying to get Zayn’s attention, for a reason that Zayn doesn’t have to ask.

Harry sighs. “Are you going to keep ignoring me?”

“Depends.”

“On?”

“Are you going to keep inching your way up my thigh?”

“Depends,” Harry says, and Zayn finally looks away from the laptop, his eyebrow raised.

“On?”

“Are you going to put that laptop away and pay attention to me?”

Zayn sighs, laughing under his breath. He makes a show of shutting the laptop, removing it from his lap and setting it on the bedside table, watching as Harry grins. “Happy?”

“Only a little,” Harry says, shrugging, smile falling off his face, trying to look unimpressed.

“You’re horrible sometimes, you know that?”

Harry’s face scrunches up in thought, tapping his chin. “If I say yes, will you still sleep with me?”

Zayn rolls his eyes but leans over and kisses Harry anyway, because he really can be horrible, in the most wonderful way. Harry bites down on his lip, tugging it gently until Zayn opens his mouth for him, Harry’s tongue brushing against his as he hands slide underneath Zayn’s shirt.

Zayn sighs into the kiss, dragging his hands from Harry’s bare shoulders down to his back, dipping his fingers into the waistband of Harry’s boxers, gripping onto his ass.

“Oh.”

Zayn laughs, pulling away from Harry. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“Kind of,” Harry replies, shifting around to nip at Zayn’s jaw, Zayn’s hands slipping out of his boxers as he shifts around.

“Kind of?”

“When I thought about this, and I’ve thought about it for a while. You were naked. God, just completely naked, spread out on your stomach, ass in the air.”

“Yeah?” Zayn prompts, tilting his head and rocking his hips up.

“Yeah,” Harry says, licking a broad strip up Zayn’s neck. He stops when he reaches his ear, and then breathes out the words, “I really want to eat you out.”

Zayn licks his lips. “I think we can arrange that.

Harry pulls away, smiling at him. “I thought I could persuade you. On your back, Malik.”

Zayn nods, tugging his shirt off over his head. When his shirt hits the floor, it sounds like it hit something hard and Zayn frowns. “Did you hear that?”

“No,” Harry says, frowning.

Zayn hears it again and he sits up. “You didn’t hear that?”

“No. No, no, no, no,” Harry mutters, shaking his head.

“Harry, I heard something,” Zayn says, hearing it again. “It sounds like-“

The tiniest whine starts outside the door, followed by scratching at the door.

“It’s that fucking dog,” Harry groans, sighing deeply. “What are we going to do about him?”

“Well obviously we have to let him sleep in here,” Zayn says, getting up from the bed and striding across the room, pulling the door open. Dog bounds inside, pawing at Zayn’s ankle.

“I can’t have sex in front of a dog,” Harry whines, rolling over onto his back. “That’s like, it’s gross, isn’t it?”

Zayn shrugs. “Guess it just depends on how you look at it.” Harry raises an eyebrow. “It’s not like I’ve ever thought about it, but like, now I don’t really want to find out. Not that I ever did.”

“Can we put him in Niall’s room?”

“He’ll wake Niall up, either from scratching on the door, barking, or if he somehow manages to get up on the bed, he’ll lick his face like he always does.”

“The cats don’t wake Niall.”

“Cats actually sleep,” Zayn counters, picking up Dog and carrying him to the bed Harry bought him, the one they keep in the corner. He spins in circles, pawing at the fabric before he drops, huffing. “It was your idea to keep him.”

“I wasn’t hard then,” Harry grumbles, frowning. “You should know not to listen to me.”

Zayn laughs, because Harry says that now. “We can live out your fantasy tomorrow,” Zayn assures him, crawling back into bed. “We can meet during your lunch break, or have Liam and Louis take him for dinner.”

Harry sighs. “Couples with no romance plan when they have sex. I don’t want that to be us. One of those married couples that only does it on Wednesdays.”

“That might be true, but we’ve also got a child,” Zayn tells him, rolling onto his side to look at Harry properly. “And a puppy, which is kind of like a baby, both really needy. It’s kind of hard to have sex all the time with them both.”

“That’s true.”

“I know it is,” Zayn smiles, winking.

“And it reminds me of something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

Zayn raises an eyebrow. “And what is that?”

Harry takes a deep breath, brushing his hair out of his eyes nervously. “I’ve been thinking, you know. Like, about Niall.”

“Okay…”

“And like. I know that, um. He’s yours, right? No, let me finish,” Harry says, pressing his fingers against Zayn’s lips. “I don’t mean that he’s not mine, or like, that I don’t want a claim on him, because I do, obviously. But he’s still yours, before he’s anyone else’s.”

Zayn nods, not really following where Harry is going with this. “So, what is it that you’ve been thinking about?”

“Adoption,” Harry says, biting his bottom. “Like, adopting Niall.”

Zayn stares at him, blinking. That’s not what he was expecting, not like he really had expectations, but. This is like, way more than he actually thought it would be. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what that even means.

“I’ve been looking into it,” Harry adds quickly. “It’s like, I’ve thought about it, you know. And um, so I looked into, and it doesn’t change anything, at least not from your end. You’re still his parent, you’re still his guardian, and your name wouldn’t be removed from the equation. It would just add me, in a more official way.”

“You want to adopt my son?” Zayn repeats, licking his lips. He sits up, letting the blanket drop down to his waist. “What does that mean?”

“It just means that I’m Daddy legally.”

“No, I know that,” Zayn says, turning back to look at Harry. “I just don’t understand the process. I know, like.” He sighs, releasing a chest full of air. “Is this like, a validation thing? Do you need this to, you know, properly feel like a father?” Zayn bites his lip, because it’s coming out harsher than he intended. He just doesn’t know how to work it, doesn’t know how to ask what’s running through his head.

Harry shrugs. “I’m happy with my role in Niall’s life as it is now, so it’s not like I need this to…do my job, I guess. Job’s not the right word, but you know what I mean, right?”

Zayn nods. “So then why do you need it?”

“I’ve just been thinking about it, like, what if something were to happen to you? Like, god forbid we lost you, but what would happen if we did? Who would get custody of Niall?”

Zayn rubs at his jaw, feeling the hair rub against his skin. “I want to say my mom, but I’m pretty sure it’s Louis,” Zayn tells him, frowning, because he can’t remember. He knows that his mother made him figure it out after Amber left. It was awkward, and uncomfortable, and he’s honestly forgotten all about this until now, about the legal arrangements he made regarding Niall.

“That’s what I mean. Like, there’s nothing wrong with Louis, but what about me? It’s your decision who Niall goes to,” Harry says, reaching out to grab Zayn’s hand. “I’m not trying to make you think about this right now. It’s late, but I don’t know. I’ve thought about it.”

Zayn nods, thumb stroking against the cross tattoo on Harry’s hand. He traces it idly, mulling over Harry’s words, trying to absorb it all. It makes sense; he’s just never sat down and thought about it. It’s not something he actively thinks about, a time where he might not be with Niall anymore, so it’s never crossed his mind, not since that moment where his mother made him figure it out. And at the time, Zayn chose the person that he knew would love Niall best, would put Niall before everything else, and would raise him in a way that Zayn would approve of, in a way that wouldn’t forget Zayn. And at the time, that was Louis.

“You’re right,” Zayn mumbles, still looking down at the tattoo on Harry’s skin.

“About what?” Harry asks, gently pressing at Zayn’s chin, forcing him to look back at him.

“You’re right about it being a good idea, adoption, that is,” Zayn says, sighing. “If something were to happen to me, you’re the one I’d want him with. You’re the one that he’d want to be with, if he had a choice.” Zayn shrugs, because it’s true. Maybe that’ll change when Niall’s a teenager and he decides he hates them both, but for now, it’s what Niall would choose. “You take care of him, you love him, and you’re already Daddy, so you should be recognized as that by more than just me and Niall.”

Harry’s smiling, grinning so widely that Zayn thinks cheeks must hurt.

“But his last name is staying Malik,” Zayn says, poking Harry in the ribs.

Harry frowns, bottom lip jutted out playfully. “But what about when you become Zayn Styles?”

Zayn pulls a face, laughing. “No, sorry,” he says, shifting around on the bed, pressing into Harry’s space, head rested on his shoulder. “No one needs to change their last name.”

“No, we don’t,” Harry agrees, arm wrapping around Zayn’s shoulder. “But it might be nice to become a Malik myself.”

“Who says we want you?” Zayn teases, squeezing Harry’s hip to let him know that he’s joking. “Are you going to file for a name change along with the adoption papers?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” Harry says, shrugging. “Would that bother you?”

“If it’s what you wanted, then no,” Zayn replies, because it’s true. He thinks he could live forever in a world where Malik came after Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the doggy! [x](http://teamunruly.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/foster1.jpg)


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for unprotected sex.

As Zayn wakes, there’s one thing he’s aware of and that’s Niall. It’s because of him that he’s waking up, head clouded from sleep and eyes barely able to open, as he tries to process why it is he’s awake. Crying. Niall’s crying, he tells himself as he kicks the blankets off his body, but a hand is gripping his wrist and he blinks his eyes open a little wider to stare up at Harry. 

“Go back to sleep, I’ve got this one,” Harry says, releasing his grip on Zayn and walking out of the room. Dog whines on the other side of the room, ready to begin barking again and Zayn groans, throwing the blanket over his face. 

The pillow isn’t enough, though, because he can still hear Dog whining, and Niall’s cries. He sounds insatiable, like he can’t be calmed and nothing he’s doing is enough to satisfy Niall in any way. And Zayn wants to get up, to go see if there is anything that he can do to help, but he doesn’t. Getting up would undermine what Harry’s doing…probably. Maybe. 

Just when Zayn’s not sure he can take it anymore, the bedroom door opens and Harry’s back, a screaming and squirming Niall in his arms. 

“What’s going on?” Zayn asks, holding his arms out for Niall, who shoves at Harry violently before he scrambles across the bed and into Zayn’s arms. 

“I don’t know,” Harry says, climbing back into bed. “He’s upset, probably a bad dream. I don’t know.” He sighs, running his fingers through his hair. “He wouldn’t talk, just kept screaming.” 

“Baba,” Niall cries, sniffling into Zayn’s neck, as he holds onto him tightly. “Baba.”

“Yeah, baby, you’re all right. Did you have a bad dream?” Zayn asks, stroking Niall’s bad as he lies back on the bed, trying to pull Niall’s face out of his shoulder so that he can look at him. He feels a need to check him physically, needs the reassurance of it. 

Niall whines, pressing into Zayn more, his fingers playing with his hair. And Zayn sighs, because it’s not anything. He’s being needy, probably from a dream, and all he wants is comfort, so Zayn rubs his back, holding him close. 

On the other side of the bed is Harry, Kitty kneading on the pillow behind him, he’s looking at Zayn thoughtfully, and Zayn raises an eyebrow. 

“What? Why are you smiling?” Zayn whispers, listening as Niall’s cries begin to lessen, as he slowly begins to breathe easily against Zayn’s skin. 

“Nothing,” Harry says back, shaking his head. “It’s just, you know.” 

“Know what?” 

“That you’re like the mommy, you’re the one he’ll always need, no matter what,” Harry says back and Zayn smiles, kicking Harry’s leg with his own, nudging his foot between Harry’s legs. “Even if he likes to wear his hair up and unbutton some of his shirts.” 

“So I’m good for the comfort, you’re good for the fashion?” 

“Exactly,” Harry says and Zayn tries not to laugh, not wanting to wake Niall now that he’s sure he’s sleeping. 

~~~ 

“He’s in the other room,” Zayn says before Louis can say anything, motioning with his hand into the living room where Niall is sat on the couch in the middle of a puppy, and three stuffed animal pile. Louis raises an eyebrow at him, but passes through the threshold easily enough, leaving Zayn alone to close the door and kick his shoes out of the way from where Louis left them. “Where have you been all morning?” 

“Interview,” Louis answers, crossing his legs at the ankle on top of the table. “Did not go as well as I would hoped, but it’s only one so I’m not worried.” 

“Well, I’m sure you’ll get the next one,” Zayn says, taking a seat next to him. “I still haven’t found anything interesting, hence why I’m home with my son in the middle of the day.” 

Louis looks at him thoughtfully for a moment before he says, “I was under the impression that you were going on an interview and that’s why you needed me to watch him for the day.” 

“No interview.” 

“Hmm, then is there a reason that you need me to watch him?” Louis asks. “Not like I mind, I just thought you’d have something to do.” 

“I do. I um, well I wanted to clean, actually. But I also,” Zayn pauses to take a deep breath; he’s really not sure how to say this other part of it. He thought of it this morning, and now he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it. Maybe Louis can talk him out of it. “Harry’s wanting to adopt Niall.” 

“Okay, and what’s the problem with that?” 

“There is none. I mean, it took me a couple minutes, you know how I am, but it’s honestly for the best. I mean, it makes sense. It’s a good idea.” 

“I agree,” Louis says, nodding. 

“Right, so this morning I was thinking about it, when Niall was eating breakfast. I thought about how Harry is wanting to adopt Niall, and like, Niall isn’t just mine to give away. Not like I’m giving him away, I’m sure there’s a better way of saying it, but yeah. You know what I mean.” 

Louis shakes his head. “No, I really don’t. Niall’s yours.” 

“I Niall’s,” Niall says, interrupting them. “I Niall’s.” 

“Of course,” Louis says firmly, nodding. “You’re your own man, I’m just entertaining Baba, that’s all.” 

“Baba Niall’s.” 

“Exactly,” Louis agrees. “Is it all right with you if your Baba and I go into the other room to get you some juice, then?” 

Niall looks at him for a moment before he glances down at the sleeping puppy next to him, thinking it over. “Okay,” he says, looking back up at them. “Baba juice.” 

“Baba juice, what?” 

“Please,” Niall says, smiling. “Please juice.” 

“Good job,” Zayn says, getting up from the couch. He can hear Louis following behind him, making a beeline for the fridge while Zayn gets one of Niall’s cups. 

“I say we have five minutes before he realizes that we’re actually taking too long,” Louis says, handing Zayn the jug, “so we should make this fast.” 

Zayn sighs, unscrewing the cap of the bottle. “I was just thinking about Amber. Mostly about how I would feel if she let someone else adopt Niall, how upset that would make me.” 

“Because you actually care about Niall. That’s why you feel that way.” 

“Well yeah, but like, she has to care about him to some degree. She cared about him enough to know that a life without her would be better. I don’t know, one day Niall is going to want to meet her or talk to her, so like, I don’t know. Doesn’t it sound wrong that Harry can adopt Niall without her at least knowing about it?” 

“No,” Louis says, shaking his head. “I think you’re being far too fair right now. She gave you full rights to your son, she assured you that he is entirely yours, in every way, and I don’t think you should reach out and ask for her permission about this.” 

“No her permission, just telling her. She has no say in his life, none, but she deserves to know.” 

Louis looks at him, taking back to carton of juice. He’s shaking his head and Zayn swallows down his emotions, because he shouldn’t feel bad about wanting to talk to Amber. She’ll find out one day, and Zayn would rather it come from him than Niall years into the future, if he decides to find her. 

“Are you going to tell Harry?” Louis asks finally, turning back to look at Zayn. 

Zayn shakes his head. “I don’t know, we’ll see.” 

~~~

After Louis leaves with Niall, Zayn doesn’t clean like he wants to. Instead he goes upstairs and lies down, stripping himself of his shirt and grabbing at his phone. He has Amber’s number from Louis, and he’s still not sure what to do with it, if he should talk to her at all or if he and Harry should get on with their lives without worrying what any of those decisions could mean for someone else. 

Zayn doesn’t know what to do, so he closes out of Amber’s contact and goes to Harry’s, opening a new message. 

Louis has Niall, he types out. 

Harry reply is almost instant, Zayn’s phone chiming before he has a chance to set it down. 

I didn’t think he was leaving today. 

Sorry… 

Does that mean we’ll be alone tonight?

Zayn snorts, shaking his head. Two cats and one dog, that’s hardly alone.

Alone enough, Harry sends back and Zayn rolls his eyes, because the two of them will never be fully alone together again unless they go somewhere, if they take a trip and find a hotel room together. That’s really the only way, Zayn can’t see it happening in any other situation. 

Zayn licks his lips as he thinks about, being alone with Harry tonight and what that could mean. Zayn thinks that if they give Dog something to entertain himself, they can actually have an evening together uninterrupted, no scratching at their door, no shouting of their names from the other room. It’ll be the first time in what feels like a long time that had alone time, and it’s a true testament to that fact when Zayn starts to feel his cock twitch in interest. 

When are you going to be home, Zayn texts back because his mind is on a constant loop filled with images of Harry looming over him, sheen of sweat on his skin, warm under Zayn’s hand, as Harry fucks into him, slow and deep. Zayn can almost feel it, the pressure of Harry inside of him, the feeling of Harry’s fingertips holding him down, and the air Harry breathes out against his skin with every groan. 

And by the time Harry texts back, Zayn’s hard, cock stiff and heavy, straining against his jeans. He unbuttons them, breathing out when the pressure lessens just so, just enough for him to feel like he’s not going to go crazy. 

Not sure, why? 

Looking at the text, Zayn can blame the why part on why he does it, because there really isn’t any other explanation besides his head being clouded with want that makes him pull his dick out of his pants. He looks at it for a moment, little trickle of precum pooling at the tip. And it’s the same image that he sends to Harry, his cock resting against his stomach, hard and aching. 

But as the minutes tick by, Zayn begins to worry that it was the wrong thing to do, that he should have replied by telling Harry that he was just curious, or ignored it all together. Harry’s at work, and Zayn wasn’t thinking. He just—it was a rash decision that was made entirely in the moment, he just did it. It’s one of the times that he wishes your phone properly confirmed with you what it’s about to send, but it doesn’t and Zayn’s left chewing on his bottom lip, feeling like an idiot with his cock out. 

After ten minutes without a response, Zayn decides to get into the shower. It doesn’t feel appropriate to do anything other than let the cold water trick down his back, forcing the want and desire out of his body. For some reason, it doesn’t feel right anymore to do anything with it other than to wait for it to disappear. And when it does, Zayn towels himself dry, gets dressed again, and sets off downstairs to start what he originally wanted to do. 

~~~ 

When Harry gets home nearly two hours later, Zayn has the kitchen destroyed. There are dishes and cloths and utensils everywhere, so unlike what it looked like in the morning. But there’s an itch under his skin that’s telling him to clean, telling him to do something to keep his mind off the fact that he completely overstepped a major boundary, a line that he shouldn’t have crossed without a proper discussion. Plus, Harry has the absolute worst organizational skills of any house that Zayn’s ever seen. 

“What’s going on?” Harry asks and Zayn looks at him for a moment before he grabs a few mugs, trying to balance them in his arms. “Did something happen here?” 

“No,” Zayn answers, shaking his head. “I’m fixing it.” 

“Fixing it?” Harry repeats carefully, setting his things down on the counter. 

“Fixing it, yeah,” Zayn says, setting the mugs down so he can start putting them where they belong. “You know, these mugs, they should go near the coffee pot, along with the other cups, because it’s next to the fridge. And like, it might not be as close to the sink, you know, if you want water, but it makes more sense.” Harry nods and he looks—well, he doesn’t look like Zayn’s making any sense, and he is. He really and truly is. “And like, the plates, they should be closer to the stove, so that when we cook we can just grab them.” 

“Yeah that makes sense,” Harry says again, but he still looks trying he’s trying to study and analyze Zayn. 

“And Niall’s things, they’re up too high. We need to keep them lower, so that he can have access to them. It’ll be better. He can help us, you know, make his meals. We can ask him to get his bowl. It’s not ideal for us, but. Yeah,” Zayn says, shoulders dropping slightly. “Everything was fine when it was just your place, but there are other people here now, so I just wanted to—yeah.” 

Harry nods, hands rubbing against his jeans. “It’s just cabinets, I don’t care where you put things. I didn’t even care where I put them, that’s why it made no sense,” Harry tells him. “But more important than the cabinets, are you all right?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure?” Harry asks and Zayn nods, because he’s fine. He needs to apologize, but he’s fine. 

“What are you doing home?” 

“I took the rest of the day off.” 

“Why?” Zayn asks, frowning in confusion because Harry’s not really prone to taking time off work, not usually, anyway. 

“Well,” Harry says, running his fingers through his hair, “I thought there would be more than an upturned kitchen waiting for me when I got here, if your picture was anything to go by.” 

Zayn can feel his cheeks heating up, the little rush of embarrassment that courses through his blood at Harry’s words. “Yeah,” Zayn says, scratching at the back of his neck. “I don’t know what that was. Impulse, or something like that…bad judgment, maybe.” 

“No, the best judgment,” Harry corrects. “But I was walking into a meeting when I sent my text before that, so I didn’t see your answer until afterwards.” 

“It’s all right.” 

“No, you’re obviously upset about it.” 

“I’m not upset, just embarrassed. I mean, I sent you a picture of my dick at work.” 

“Yes, you did. Send me fifty more, please,” Harry says and Zayn rolls his eyes, trying not to smirk, because Harry sounds so sincere. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about, honestly. I know that my not responding probably made you feel rejection, or whatever, but god. Zayn, you have to know that you should never feel embarrassed or ashamed. You can send me nudes all day, if you want, just so we’re clear about that now. I’ll turn my text preview off and no one will know, they’ll think there’s a family emergency and then I can come home sooner.” 

Zayn laughs, shaking his head. “You’re ridiculous.” 

“I am, yeah, but I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

“Good, because I want you to know right now that I am more than okay with pictures of your cock,” Harry tells him, finally stepping closer to Zayn, enough so that they’re in each other’s space, his hands coming out slowly, cautiously, as he reaches out for Zayn’s hips. “If you’re wanting a conversation about that, then this is it.” 

“Felt like something you would do,” Zayn admits, shrugging when Harry raises an eyebrow. “Like I would get a picture of your cock when I’m at the grocery store, standing in the middle of the cereal aisle. Phone goes off and you’re standing in front of the mirror, stupid look on your face, probably standing to the side so I can really see.” 

Harry laughs, face dropping forward to rest of Zayn’s shoulder. “You’re the worst.” 

“And yet—“ 

“I’d really like to fuck you.” 

Zayn breathes out, hand coming to rest at the small of Harry’s back as he presses closer to him, fingers dipping under the hem of Zayn’s shirt. “Should we finish cleaning this kitchen first?” Zayn asks and he can almost feel Harry’s eye roll against his neck. 

“Wouldn’t you rather clean the kitchen knowing that you just had amazing sex?” Harry asks, pulling away so that he can grab at Zayn’s hands, guiding him out of the kitchen and towards the stairs. 

“Wouldn’t you rather clean knowing that we’ll be rewarded with amazing sex, not just once, but however many times we want, since we have all night to ourselves?” 

“I’d rather have sex, then clean, then have more sex,” Harry reasons, nodding seriously. “Do you think we can do that?” 

Zayn pretends to think about it, allowing Harry to drag him up the stairs towards their bedroom. And he must have taken too long to think because when they reach the landing, Harry presses him against the wall, mouths slotting together easily. They don’t even have to think about it, and that’s what Zayn loves about this, how physically everything comes together so easily for them, it feels like everything is done on instincts, so when Harry’s tongue flicks out against his lips, gently prying them open as he licks his way into Zayn’s mouth. 

Harry’s kiss makes his brain feel like it’s being deprived of oxygen, it’s spinning and the only thing he can focus on is the feeling of Harry’s dick pressed against his leg, hardening against him with the movements of their hips. Zayn slips his thigh between Harry’s legs, pressing gently against Harry’s cock for a moment, feeling the vibrations of Harry’s groan against the tongue. 

He continues pressing against Harry’s cock as he drags his hands down from Harry’s curls to his waist, working at the button of his jeans. 

“Oh, fuck,” Harry breathes out, moving away from Zayn’s mouth to suck at his skin along his jaw. 

“We going to do this in the hall, then?” Zayn asks, shoving down Harry’s pants and boxers in one go, and then dropping down to his knees. “If you come on the carpet I’m not cleaning it.”

Harry’s response is choked off as Zayn licks at the tip of his cock, and he tries not to laugh when he hears Harry’s head knock against the wall behind him. 

Zayn licks the underside, following the vein from the base of Harry’s cock to the tip, and then he wraps his lips around him, swallowing him down. It’s sloppy and quick, Zayn’s tongue tracing the same vein in a different way as he moves his head. He has more than enough practice to know what Harry likes, know just the right way to flick his tongue out, what noises to listen to so he knows when to hollow out his cheeks, but it’s been a while, and Zayn wants it to be good for Harry, wants to please Harry in this way. 

“God,” Harry chokes out, fingers moving to grip at Zayn’s hair. He doesn’t push him, but tugs, pulling at the strands, creating a bit of resistance as Zayn tries to move, making it more difficult for Zayn to do what he really wants, which to swallow Harry completely, to bury his face at the trail of Harry where his dick meets his hips. 

“Zayn, you have to let me—oh, fuck,” Harry groans, finally pressing Zayn’s head forward until Zayn can feel him hit the back of his throat and Harry can feel every vibration as Zayn moans around him, his hips moving on their own accord. “Zayn, please.” 

Zayn pulls off, looking up at him through his lashes as his flicks his tongue out against him. “What do you want, Harry.” 

“I can’t—we have to—oh, fuck. Come on.” Harry grabs at Zayn’s shoulders, trying to tug him up. 

“You’re not fucking me in the hall,” Zayn tells him, already working himself out his own pants, dropping them down on the floor with almost audible relief. 

“I am, actually,” Harry says, pressing Zayn back against the wall, his mouth on Zayn’s neck. 

“The bed is right there, and we haven’t even got any lube,” Zayn bites out, eyes rolling when Harry bites down, fist wrapping around Zayn’s cock. “Jesus, Harry.” 

“I’ve got lube in my pocket,” Harry tells him. 

“Why the fuck have you got that for?” 

“Knew we were out, stopped on the way home. It’s not like I needed a bag for it, so I just shoved it in my pocket.” 

“Well, are you going to make me get it?” Zayn grits out, listening to Harry laugh against his neck. 

He watches impatiently as Harry sorts through his pockets, trying to find the right one, and then he has to wait even longer as Harry breaks off the seal. Zayn wants to ask if they can please just go into their bedroom, but then Harry is standing, spinning Zayn around so he’s facing the wall and two fingers are slipping inside him and he loses all train of thought that isn’t revolving around how good this feels. 

And Zayn doesn’t have a moment to think about how they’re not using a condom, - doesn’t really care anyway, it’s not the first time - when he feels Harry’s tip against the swell of his ass. 

“You good?” Harry asks, arm sliding around Zayn’s waist, breath fanning out against the back of his neck. 

Zayn replies by pushing his ass back into Harry, letting him know that he’s ready. And Harry responds by pushing in slowly, until he’s completely bottomed out and Zayn has nothing to grip onto, fingers splayed out against the fucking wall of all places as Harry starts to move his hips, snapping into Zayn quickly and with purpose. 

Zayn can feel it, how badly Harry wanted this and for how long. Zayn doesn’t know exactly how long it was from between when Harry opened his text and when he got home. Zayn can feel it, and it makes something twist in his gut, not just from the pleasure of having Harry inside of him, but from the pleasure of knowing that he can still make Harry feel this way, that Harry could still want him after everything that’s happened between them, after all this time. 

When Harry’s hand moves from Zayn’s waist to wrap around his dick, Zayn knows that it’s it. 

“Harry,” he chokes out and then he feels the coil in his stomach release, his orgasm ripping through him in waves. Harry’s hand is still moving on his cock, working him through it. 

Harry comes shortly after, biting down on Zayn’s shoulder as he comes, groaning out deeply, arms tightening around Zayn as the movement of his hips becomes more sporadic. 

“Do you think we have enough time to paint the walls before Niall gets home?” Harry asks, panting against Zayn’s neck, pulling out of him slowly. “Not really sure I fancy having that stain on the wall.” 

Zayn laughs, because he told Harry that they should have just fucked in their bed. There wouldn’t be a come shot on the wall if he had listened. 

“It’d be a nice reminder,” Zayn breathes out, shifting around so that he’s facing Harry, laughing when he sees the look on Harry’s face. “Should we go with white, then? Or something else? Maybe a nice cream color?” 

“Anything you want, babe.” 

“A shower would be nice,” Zayn says, fingers carding through Harry’s curls. “And then we can discuss paint colors while we can clean the kitchen.”

“And then we can have sex,” Harry says, grinning wickedly. 

~~~

Zayn spots Amber on the other side café that he asked her to come to. There’s an ugly drop in his stomach, a twist that makes him want to get sick in the bushes out front, and run back home. Instead, he takes a deep breath and steps back outside, pulling his phone out of his pocket. 

It rings for several seconds, but eventually Harry answers and Zayn breathes out, because just the sound of his voice is making the line of Zayn’s shoulders relax. He can do this.

“What’s going on?” Harry asks, his voice sounding far away. 

“Nothing, just wanted to check in,” Zayn says, leaning against the brick wall. “Are you still going to get Niall after work?” 

“I thought we were going to get him together?” 

“Either way.” Zayn shrugs. “Am I on speakerphone?” 

“Yeah, sorry. I need my hands,” Harry says, but his voice sounds closer to the phone, like he’s dropped his head down lower. “Are you sure you’re all good? You sound stressed.” 

“Want to talk about it?” Harry asks, and Zayn hears a shuffle, followed by Harry’s voice coming in clear as he finally puts the phone up to his ear. “Is that why you called?”

“No, I’m fine. Really. I just wanted to see what you were doing,” Zayn says, turning to looking into the window at Amber. She’s running her fingers through her hair, watching through the window for Zayn. She’s not looking the right way, but if she turned her head just slightly then she’d see him watching her. “I have to go, but we’ll talk later.” 

“Yeah, all right,” Harry says. “Love you.” 

“Me too,” Zayn says, ending the call and shoving his phone back in his pocket. 

He really can do this. He doesn’t know why he’s doing this, it’s not his best idea, but he can’t get rid of that nagging thought that she should know. It feels like a finalization for them, it’ll completely wipe her away for good, and she has a right to know that someone has stepped up to properly take her place. Or Zayn’s place, if he wants to go with Harry’s mommy theory that Zayn took her place a long time ago. 

Amber sighs when he slides into the booth across from her, smiling gently. “Am I going to have to change my number?” She asks and Zayn laughs, shaking his head. 

“No, but I’ll make sure to erase it from Louis’ phone if you’re really worried,” he answers right before he orders himself something to drink, smiling at the waitress. 

“It’s just, you were very vague over the phone, and after our last conversation, I was sure that you’d never want to hear from me again. But it looks as though I was wrong.”

Zayn bites back the remark he wants to make about how she’s not wrong, he really doesn’t want to hear from her, but that he just wanted to tell her something. He swallows it down, though. He’s not here to hurt her feelings, he’s not even sure why he’s here, if he’s being honest, and he tells her as much. 

“If you’re not sure why you’re here, then why did you even call?” Amber asks. “I mean, you obviously wanted something, or so I’d assume. I’d also assume that this is about Niall.” 

“Yeah,” Zayn says, nodding. “What else would it be about?” 

“Is he all right?” 

“He’s perfect. I’m not really here to discuss him, even though it’s about him.” 

“See, that’s the vagueness from the phone earlier. Where you tell me that you need to tell me something but you don’t actually tell me anything,” she says, sighing. “So, how about we just… I don’t know, start from the top.” 

Zayn nods, wetting his lips. “I really don’t know why I feel compelled to tell you this, but if it were me then I’d want to know,” he explains, fingers twitching nervously. “I’d want to know that someone else was adopting Niall, that’d he’d officially have two parents again.” 

Amber looks at him for a moment, taking a careful sip of her coffee. “I see. So you came here today to let me know that your boyfriend, I’m assuming, wants to adopt him.” 

“Yeah, he wants to.” 

“Are you asking for my permission?” 

“No,” Zayn says firmly, shaking his head. “Harry’s going to do it, but I wanted to tell you. Warn you, I guess. I don’t know.” He shrugs his shoulders, because even now he doesn’t understand why he wanted to tell her. She’s not like him, her care and love for Niall isn’t as strong as his; it’s not embedded in her soul. 

“It’s not really my place to dictate what happens in his life, nor is it my place to care.” 

“Maybe not, but you deserve to know.” 

“And why’s that?” She asks, sounding nothing more than curious. 

Zayn shrugs. “I’d want to know if you were going to let someone else take a place in his life that was reserved for me. That’s really the only explanation that I can give. I don’t know why I think you deserve to know. I don’t. You probably don’t care, and that’s fine, but I have to know that you’re aware of the fact that this is happening.” 

Amber sighs, shaking her head, a smile spreading across her face. “You always did care too much. No one else would want the parent that walked away to know these details, but not you.” 

“Yeah, well,” Zayn says, shrugging. 

“He’s yours, Zayn. Entirely and completely yours, so don’t worry about me, okay? Whatever decisions you make for his life are yours, and you don’t need to worry about if I should know or not, all right?” 

“Hello.” Zayn glances up to see Harry smiling down at him, looking back and forth between him and Amber. “Hello.” 

“Harry, what are you doing here?” Zayn asks, staring up at him in confusion. 

“Harry?” Amber mumbles, looking at Zayn with an eyebrow raised. “You wouldn’t be—“ 

“His boyfriend, yes. I’m Harry,” he says. 

“And you’d be the one adopting Niall, then?” 

“Of course, yes. He’s my son,” Harry says, motioning for Zayn to scoot over. “But that’s me. The boyfriend and the father, Harry, yes.” 

Amber’s smiling, looking at Zayn in amusement and Zayn can’t help but roll his eyes. Harry’s jealous, but he’s trying not to be. And he’s worried, probably because Zayn called him and said they needed to talk. 

“Well, congratulations on making it official,” she says, picking up her coffee and finishing it. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry says, shaking his head. “Who are you? No one has introduced me.” 

“Harry, this is Amber,” Zayn says, biting back a grin. 

“Amber?” Harry repeats, turning to look at her. “Amber… Oh. Oh. Amber.” 

“I’m afraid so,” she says, smiling apologetically. “I think I’ll leave you two to it.” 

“No, I’m sorry. Oh, god,” Harry groans in embarrassment. “You two finish. I’ll go. Niall needs diapers, so I’ll go do that and then we can meet up later.” 

“It’s fine. I have to get going anyway,” Amber says, setting some money down on the table. “And Zayn, thanks for telling me.” 

And with that, she’s gone, getting up and walking out of the café. Zayn waits until she steps outside before he turns to look at Harry, a smile on his face. “Was that jealousy I sensed a moment ago?”

Harry shakes his head. “No. Absolutely not.” 

“Whatever,” Zayn mumbles, nudging Harry with his elbow, not really believing him at all, because he saw the way Harry was acting, even if he doesn’t want to admit it himself. 

“But that was her? That was really Niall’s mother?” 

“The one and only.” 

“And you were here with her, why?” 

Zayn sighs, shrugging. “I can’t explain it, but it felt wrong to not tell her that we made plans about you adopting Niall. It didn’t—I don’t know. I wanted to tell her because if it were me, I’d want to know. That’s it, I guess.” 

“Yeah, but you didn’t walk away from his life, so of course you’d want to know.”

“Still, one day she’s going to regret what happened, and when that day comes, I don’t want her to be blindsided by the fact that Niall has two loving parents. Two supporting parents, who want to be in his life.” 

“Yeah,” Harry agrees, nodding. “One who comforts him and one who helps dress him.” 

Zayn snorts, smiling. “I’ll raise him, you make him look good.” 

“That sounds like a deal, babe.” 

~~~

“I like cuddle,” Niall says, looking up at Zayn from his place between him and Harry. 

It was Harry’s idea, actually, this new bedtime routine where they all cuddle together in Harry and Zayn’s bed, they all read a story together in the same place, and then, when Niall’s finally asleep, they carry him into his own bed. At least until Niall finally settles into a routine of not shunning one of them away when he wants. 

“Yeah? You like that you get to cuddle Baba and Daddy both before bed?” 

“Yes, Baba,” Niall agrees, nodding. “Love cuddle.” 

“So Daddy was smart, huh?”

“He not,” Niall giggles out, pressing into Zayn when Harry tickles his ribs. “Daddy, you not.” 

“Yes, I am,” Harry corrects him, pulling Niall back towards him. “That’s why I’m going to read you your story, are you ready?” 

Niall sits up and shakes his head, taking the book from Harry. “Baba read.” 

“Oh,” Harry says smiling, winking at Zayn. “Baba gets to read. That’s good, I miss listening to Baba read stories.” 

“Not read.” 

“You don’t want me to read?” Zayn asks, frowning. “It’s bedtime, Niall. We have to read our book.” 

“Need Lion,” Niall says, standing up and walking across the bed. Harry helps him down, sighing. 

“Even at bedtime his mind races a million miles a second. He has too much going on.” 

“He’s a busy boy, like his Daddy. Both of you have a million things going on, always wanting to do something.”

Harry rolls his eyes, shoving his face into Zayn’s ribs. Zayn wraps an arm around his shoulders, rubbing Harry’s back as they wait for Niall to get his stuffed animal. Zayn tries not to worry that it’s taking so long, because Niall’s room is right there, just next to theirs and Zayn knows that his stuffed animals are lined up on his pillow, where they left them before his bath. And Dog couldn’t have distracted him, because he’s curled up at the foot of the bed, sleeping soundly. But the cats aren’t accounted for, and Zayn has a sneaking suspicion that Niall’s in his room playing with Cat and Kitty. 

Until Niall shouts something from the other room, calling for them. 

“What did he say?” Zayn asks and Harry shrugs, turning to look towards the door. 

“Baba, I pee. I pee,” Niall shouts, over and over again, trying to get their attention. “I pee.” 

Zayn groans, fingers moving through his hair. “I’ll take care of it. I just put that clean diaper on him, but I told you that we should have tried to make him go before he put it on. I knew this would happen when he was dry before the bath.” 

“I’ll just wait here,” Harry calls after him and Zayn waves him off, walking into Niall’s bedroom. 

“Ni?” Zayn calls, glancing around, because the stuffed animals are gone, and the cats are on Niall’s bed, but Niall is not in this room. “Niall?” 

“Baba,” Niall shouts and Zayn looks around once more before walking out of the room, glancing around the hall. He’s not downstairs; Zayn would have heard him trying to make his way down there. “I pee.” 

Zayn turns and looks into the bathroom behind him, where Niall’s voice is filtering out of. The lights are off, but Zayn can see the faint traces of Niall’s body in the dark, standing and waiting for Zayn. 

“Harry, come here,” Zayn says, flicking on the light to reveal Niall standing in just a shirt, naked from the waist down. “Niall, baby, where did you go potty?” 

“Potty,” Niall says, pointing towards his potty chair. “I pee.” 

“Holy shit,” Harry breathes out behind him, and Zayn bet’s that his eyes are as wide as his own. “Niall, you used the potty.” 

Zayn snaps out of it, rushing forward to pick Niall up, holding him close. “You did it. My big boy used the potty.” 

“He got some on the floor, too,” Harry points. 

“But you used the potty,” Zayn says, kissing Niall repeatedly. “I’m so proud of you.” 

“I potty,” Niall says, grinning widely at them. “I big boy.” 

“You are,” Zayn tells him, kissing him again, feeling as Harry wraps his arms around them both. 

“You’re so big,” Harry tells him. “Good job, Ni.” 

“I big boy.” 

“You’re the best boy,” Harry corrects, smiling at Zayn. “This is my first first,” he whispers to Zayn. “I’ve never seen him do anything for the first time.” 

“Now you know how awful it is,” Zayn jokes, grinning back. “Not a baby anymore, is he?” 

“I not baby,” Niall says, wiggling around in Zayn’s grasp until he’s set down on the floor, grabbing his diaper and holding it up at them. “Need diaper.” 

“Still the same Niall. You won’t let a potty change you, will you, Ni?” Harry says, kneeling down to redress Niall. “That’s good.” 

“No, I Niall,” Niall says, like it’s the answer to Harry’s question and Zayn laughs, even though something inside of him wants to cry, because his baby is growing up, and because Harry is finally able to witness a milestone. It feels like a new chapter in their book together, one that closes the part where Harry’s staying power is uncertain, and opens to one where Zayn knows that he’d never leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final part of the Trust Me series has been posted, it's a 25k one shot that goes into Liam's side of things during this story. Some of it might seem familiar, but there are insights into Lilo's relationship. 
> 
> For anyone interested, the fic is called [Our Love](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3538622). Check it out if you're interested :)


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This set a little bit into the future, just so no one is confused :)

“What do you think he’s doing in there?” Harry asks, fingers moving softly across the back of Zayn’s arm. “It sounds like he’s breaking something.” 

“No, he’s just digging around his toy chest,” Zayn says, tilting his head up from it’s position on Harry’s chest. “If he broke something then he’d start crying.” 

“That’s true,” Harry agrees, breathing out deeply. 

“How do you think Liam and Louis are doing?” 

Harry hums, shifting around so that Zayn’s head falls off his chest, forcing him to lie next to him. “I think that Liam is probably trying to act like he’s not nervous, while Louis is destroying everything in his wake. He’s probably complaining about something, like clothes that he hasn’t worn for months, wondering why they’re still in the closet.” 

“Sounds like them,” Zayn says, grinning. “Louis texted me earlier, said Liam was getting on his nerves.” 

“Is he going to leave him at the alter?” 

“Oh god,” Zayn says, his eyes going wide. “What if one of them do that? Then what?” 

Harry scoffs. “Obviously one of us just steps in, we pretend to be that person, go through the whole ceremony so that it’s like nothing ever happened,” he says, like he’s been thinking about this for a while. He probably has, just like Zayn’s spent the last six months of wedding planning trying to figure out how he’s going to stop Louis from slipping through the bathroom window. He doesn’t have any solid ideas, but he does think that he could take Louis he really had to. 

“You want to kiss Louis again?” 

Harry pulls a face and Zayn laughs, nudging him in the ribs. “If Liam leaves then I’ll have to, but if Louis leaves then you’ll have to do it. It only makes sense, since we’re both on opposite sides. It’d be weird if I walked past Liam to take Louis’ place.”

“Kiss him like they do in the movies, just press your face in his neck and you’ll be fine.” 

“I knew I kept you around for a reason, all your bright ideas and that.” 

Zayn smiles at Harry before he rolls over, moving to get out of bed so that he can check on Niall. He ignores Harry’s protests, waving him off as he moves across the room, following the sounds of his son. 

Niall’s in his room, standing inside of his toy chest and throwing things out of, looking for something. He doesn’t look angry or upset, so Zayn assumes it’s really not that important, but his floor is cluttered with toys and books from off his shelf. It’s a disaster.

“Niall, baby, what are you doing?” 

Niall jumps, blue eyes going wide at the sound of Zayn’s voice before he smiles, nose crinkling. “I’m get toys, Baba.” 

“I see, and which toy are you looking for?” 

“I not know yet,” Niall says, bending back down to sort through his toy chest. 

Zayn nods, accepting the information given to him as he leans against the doorframe. He can hear Harry grumbling from inside their bedroom, his voice coming in over Niall’s quiet mumbles about wanting his toys. 

“Niall, what do you want for dinner?” Zayn asks, hoping that he’ll want some kind of carry out, or to just go out. They don’t have any food. Harry keeps putting the shopping off, saying that he promises to go, even though he never does. “Niall, did you hear me?” 

“Baba, I not know. I not eat.” 

“You don’t want to eat dinner?” 

“Yeah, not want eat food.” 

“No food,” Zayn says, nodding. “That makes dinner easy.” 

“Hey Zayn,” Harry calls from inside the bedroom. Zayn shifts back, moving from Niall’s door to his own, looking inside of the room to see Harry peeking outside through the blinds. “Did you know Louis and Liam were coming over tonight?” 

“No,” Zayn says slowly, moving across the room quickly to peek out the window. He sees Louis first, standing impatiently as he waits for Liam to pull a bag out of the car, and another thing that looks an awful lot like the special cover they put over all their suits at the tailor’s. “Why does he have a bag?”

“Did I miss a conversation?” 

“If you missed it then I also missed it.” 

“Should we pretend not to be home?” 

Zayn rolls his eyes, pulling away from the window to slap Harry on the ass. “We’re the best men at their wedding and you want to act like we’re not home the night before the wedding?” 

“Well, when you say it like that,” Harry sighs, pulling away from the window at the same time a knock sounds at the door. “Am I going to get that?” 

Zayn smiles at him, watching as Harry walks off, muttering something under his breath about how he has to do everything in this house, and Zayn kind of wants to ask him why he doesn’t buy them groceries then. Instead Zayn just laughs at him, moving back into Niall’s room so he can lie on his bed and watch his son destroy his room. 

There’s a commotion at the bottom of the stairs, a flurry of voices wafting up the stairs. Niall startles, eyes going wide for a second before he crawls out of his toy chest, moving towards his bed to sit by Zayn. 

“Uncle Louis and Liam are here,” Zayn tells him, putting his hand on Niall’s back to steady him. “They’re being awfully loud, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Niall agrees, nodding. “Why?” 

Zayn shrugs. “That’s just how Uncle Louis is sometimes.” 

“Very loud. All the time yells.” 

“Not like you, huh?”

The voices are coming in louder now, moving up the stairs. Zayn can hear Harry’s voice asking why this has to happen and Zayn’s confused, sitting up and moving Niall to his lap in time to see Louis walk into the room. 

“Good, you’re both here. Get dressed, we’re leaving,” Louis says, making his way over towards Niall’s closet where he pulls out his little suit. He grabs his dress shoes and everything else that Zayn bought him for the wedding. “Don’t just sit there, get up.” 

“Where exactly are my son and I going?” Zayn asks. 

“Louis thinks that we should all stay separately, wedding party with wedding party,” Harry says, arms folded over his chest. “He thinks you and Niall should go over there, while Liam stays here with me.” 

“Why?” 

“You’re not supposed to see each other before the wedding,” Louis explains, pulling out some pajamas for Niall. “Am I going to have to pack your bag, as well?” 

Zayn rolls his eyes, getting up to head back into his bedroom. There’s no point in arguing, even though it’s not him that’s getting married tomorrow. He’s allowed to spend the night with his boyfriend and he’s allowed to see him tomorrow. They had already planned it, they were going to wake up, eat breakfast, and then Zayn was going to take Niall to go see Louis and they’d get ready together. The only thing cut out from the picture is Zayn’s family dinner and breakfast. 

Zayn finishes packing quickly, only needing to grab his suit. He can wear something of Louis’ to sleep in, or just wear his boxers. Harry is waiting for him, arms still folded over his chest and looking a bit like a grumpy bear. 

“Pouty because you’re going to miss me?” Zayn asks. 

“No,” Harry says, turning his nose up. “Pouty because I want Niall for the night.” 

“Mhm, I’m sure. We’ll send you pictures, show off what a great time we’re having without you. In a house that has groceries, I bet.” 

Harry laughs, shoving playfully at his shoulder before he goes to say goodbye to Niall. 

~~~ 

Louis is pacing, muttering under his breath about how he’s not ready, not prepared, doesn’t think it’s a good time. Zayn watches him, working slowly on getting the patent leather shoes on Niall’s feet. It’s going to be a miracle if Niall keeps them on, an even bigger miracle if he doesn’t rip off his bow tie. Zayn suspects he’ll be holding Niall’s jacket during the ceremony, which will leave Harry to worry about the shoes. 

Zayn finishes getting Niall dressed, and then he brushes Niall’s hair to the side, trying to smooth it down from where it’s sticking up from sleep. “Can you promise not to get dirty?” 

Niall nods, fingers digging into the couch that the venue has provided. This place does weddings all the time, or so he’s been told, and apparently they’re sitting in the bridal quarters, where the bridal party typically gets ready. There’s not bridal party at this wedding, just two grooms. One of which is getting on Zayn’s nerves considerably well. 

“Go see Daddy,” Niall says, looking up at Zayn. 

“He’s just down the hall, let me text him, okay?” Zayn says, already pulling his phone out of his pocket. He types a quick message to Harry and tells him to step into the hall so Niall knows where he’s going. Zayn’s too afraid to leave Louis, worried he might try to crawl out of the window. His phone buzzes instantly in his hand, like Harry was waiting for him. “Okay, let’s go see Daddy.” 

“Are you leaving me?” Louis asks, his voice laced with panic. 

“I’m see Daddy,” Niall says, helping Zayn open the door. 

“You’re leaving?” 

Zayn sighs. “He wants to see Harry,” he says, watching as Niall runs off. He can see Harry, standing in the hallway wearing his boxers, a pair of socks, and his button up. Figures he wouldn’t be ready. Harry grins when he sees Niall, picking him up and placing a kiss to his head. They wave to Zayn before they disappear into the room, and Zayn shuts the door. “There, now it’s just the two of us and you can tell me your woes.” 

Louis takes a deep breath and Zayn sits down on the couch prepare himself. “I don’t think this wedding is a very good idea. It doesn’t feel right, shouldn’t these things feel right?” 

Zayn shrugs. “I’ve never been married.” 

“Of course you haven’t,” Louis says, faintly annoyed. He starts pacing. “Well, I’m about to do this, and let me tell you, it’s hardly worth it. I feel like I’m going to be sick. I’ve been thinking about it all morning, it just…yeah, definitely not the right thing to do.”

“Of course, yeah. Do you want my help when you tell Liam? Or do you want to break his heart on your own?” 

“Please, I bet he’s in there thinking the same thing. We’re very much the same in these respects, so I think I would know.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes and tries not to tell Louis to shut up and get over himself. But he doesn’t, of course, these nerves are normal and telling Louis to get over it wouldn’t help anything. “Can you explain to me why you don’t think this wedding and marriage should happen?” 

“Well, there’s a lot of reasons, really,” Louis says, still pacing the floor in front of Zayn, his hands moving around wildly as he talks. “Liam is too clean. It annoys me.” 

“And you’re a slob, so you annoy him as well.” 

“He prefers staying in, where as I prefer going out.” 

“You’ve compromised in the past and you’ve done both of these things, so I’m not sure why that would change in the future.” 

“He wants children.” 

“And you’ve both already discussed this, several times,” Zayn says. “That’s why you’re getting a dog after the honeymoon, remember.” 

“Oh, okay,” Louis says, nodding to himself. “That’s another thing. This honeymoon.” 

“Oh god, what about it? You both wanted to go to Australia, you both agreed on that. You’ll have an amazing time and you’ll do all those stupid things that you’ve both wanted to try. You’ll go surfing, you’ll sky dive, all that annoying shit. Don’t act like you’re not looking forward to that.” 

Louis glares him, like Zayn just knocked out whatever point he was trying to make. “Aren’t you supposed to be on my side? You’re the best man, after all.” 

“Your best man is in the other room with his father, I’m just the second best man. I’m allowed to call you stupid.” 

“That’s why I asked Niall, he thinks I’m great.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes once more, because he can understand Louis’ nerves but honestly, he acts like he’s not getting everything he ever wanted, a life with Liam. “Do you have an actual reason as to why you think you can’t get married? Or are you just looking for excuses.” 

Louis stops pacing for a second and stares down at Zayn, chewing on his bottom lip. He’s nervous, Zayn can tell, and he looks like he wants to run away or do something ridiculously reckless. It’s several seconds of staring at each other, Louis beginning to chew on his fingernails. “We fight,” Louis says, sighing, finally dropping down on the couch next to Zayn. 

“Every couple fights,” Zayn scoffs, shaking his head. “That’s not a reason.” 

“You and Harry never fight.”

“Harry and I fight all the time. Are you joking?” Zayn says, snorting. “He’s finally comfortable fighting back, and he can be a miserable twat when he wants to be. He’s grumpy and trust me, just because you don’t see the fights doesn’t mean they don’t happen. We just fought two weeks ago. I made him sleep in the other room.”

“Why did you fight?”

“It was stupid, it was about an obnoxious shirt he bought. I said it wasn’t appropriate to wear a sheer top when he’s taking Niall to a birthday party. He thought I was being stifling. Then we just started insulting each other.” 

“He wanted to wear a sheer shirt to a birthday party?” Zayn waves it off, silently saying that it’s Harry, what can you do? “He really is obsessed with his own nipples, isn’t he?” 

“They’re wonderful nipples,” Zayn says. “But the point is, we fight about everything. I guess you could call it bickering, but that’s normal. You and Liam arguing about things doesn’t mean you’re not meant to get married. Do you know how many marriages would have never happened if they thought that way?” 

“Still, you and Harry fight far less than Liam and I do.” 

“That’s because Harry and I enjoy making up,” Zayn tells him, grinning. “We also have a son who can sense tension better than anyone I’ve ever known, so us fighting affects someone else.” 

“Yeah, but what if the fights get worse when we get married?” 

“What do you even fight about? In my experience it’s nothing, just like my fights with Harry. The last fight you had was because you left your clothes all over the bedroom, which Liam didn’t even care about until he tripped over a pair of your jeans and stubbed his toe.”

Louis sighs, nodding his head. “I just want it to work out.” 

“And it will, don’t worry,” Zayn says, wrapping his arms around Louis’ pulling him close. He presses a kiss to the side of his head and sighs. “Liam is probably just as nervous.” 

Louis pulls away at that, and the look on his face tells Zayn that that was the worst thing he could have possibly said at a time like this. Louis shakes his head, pushing away from Zayn, who reaches out to try and pull him back into a hug, so that he can start pacing again. Zayn shrugs, because there’s not much he do for him now. If Louis wants to be ridiculous then that’s his own problem. 

He paces the floor for ten minutes before Niall comes back into the room, his shoes off his feet and in his hands, smiling widely at Zayn. Zayn sighs, rolling his eyes and moves to stand, wanting to stop Harry before he can disappear back to the room where Liam is getting ready. 

“Niall, can you do Baba a favor?” 

“Yes, Baba,” Niall says, throwing his shoes down on the ground. 

“Uncle Louis is scared, can you help him be a big boy?” Zayn asks, fingers moving to smooth out Niall’s hair again, brushing it to the side. 

“I big boy,” Niall says reasonably, nodding. 

“Exactly,” Zayn agrees. “You talk to Uncle Lou, I’m going to go see Daddy, okay?” 

Niall nods and turns away from Zayn, moving to tug at Louis’ pant leg, effectively breaking Louis from his trance, whatever it was to begin with. 

Zayn doesn’t stay to see what happens; instead he slips out of the room quietly to find Harry standing in the hall, dressed properly now. Or well, as proper as Harry can get with his shirt unbuttoned nearly to his navel. 

“Who are you talking to?” Zayn asks, slipping in next to him, Harry’s arm wrapping around him easily. 

“Your mom,” Harry answers, eyes still trained on his phone. 

“My mom? Like my actual mother, or are you acting like a twelve year old right now?” 

Harry laughs, shaking his head as he shoves his phone into his pocket. “She asked if she needed to watch Niall while Liam and Louis got ready, but I told her it was fine. I don’t think he’ll want to come back here if he sees her.” 

“Why would she text you?” 

“Do you have your phone on you?”

Zayn shakes his head. “No, I left it in your car.” 

“That’s why she’s texting me,” Harry says, laughing. “Do you think Niall should go to her?” 

“No, absolutely not. He’s in there babysitting Louis for me.” Harry raises an eyebrow at him, leaning back against the wall, pulling Zayn in. “Louis is scared, I’m afraid he’s going to climb out of the window.” 

“Yeah, well,” Harry says, shrugging. “Are you surprised?” 

“I’d be surprised if he wasn’t. How’s Liam?” 

“Thrilled. Over the moon. He can’t wait to get married.” 

“Really?” 

Harry nods. “Why do you think I’m out here? I don’t want to go back in there; he’s driving me insane. He keeps talking about all the things that he and Louis are going to do once they’re married.” 

“Like?” 

“It’s all boring, you don’t want to know,” Harry says, leaning forward to rest his head on Zayn’s shoulder. “It’s awful. I’m never agreeing to be in the wedding party again.”

“Wow, you’re grumpy today. What were you and Liam doing all night?” 

“Practicing.”

“Practicing?”

“Yeah, for when Louis runs out on him. I need to know how to keep my man satisfied,” Harry says and Zayn can feel Harry’s grin against his shoulder. “I know we said you’d marry Liam, but I think I’ll take him.” 

“God, you’re awful. I don’t even remember why I wanted to see you,” Zayn says, pinching Harry’s side. “And you need to button your shirt.” 

“If this was our wedding then I’d have all my buttons undone. I wouldn’t even wear clothes,” Harry says, pulling away from Zayn so that he can start doing up his buttons. “I’d be naked the entire ceremony.” 

“Well, then at least I know that I’ll enjoy our non-existent wedding.” 

“Damn right you will,” Harry says, nodding firmly. 

~~~

Zayn doesn’t relax until Louis is standing in place, his hands clasps with Liam’s and the officiant talking his way through the ceremony. Zayn feels bad for zoning out, his eyes too focused on the room they’re standing in. He didn’t get a chance to look at it earlier, to take in the white chairs and round tables that everyone is sitting it, ready to switch into the reception as soon as the ceremony is over. There are white flowers everyone, courtesy of Liam and Louis’ mothers. It’s beautiful, and even though no much about it screams Louis and Liam, Zayn knows they don’t care. He knows the only thing that mattered to them was being able to make this official. 

It’s a bit awkward, though, standing in front of the room when he’s not the one getting married. But it’s not so bad, not when the person standing across from him is Harry. He catches Zayn’s eye, pulling a face at him and then smiling broadly. 

Niall’s at Zayn’s feet, playing with his stuffed lion and bear, murmuring soft words to them. He’s not bored yet, thank god, but Zayn knows it’s only a matter of time and the officiant isn’t helping matters, his slow, lazy drawl dragging this process out. 

Zayn tunes back into the wedding, trying to ignore Harry as he does everything in his power to catch Zayn’s attention, to get him to look at him. He’s not going to give him the satisfaction. 

It’s when during the vows that Niall gets bored, standing up and dropping his bear down on the ground. Zayn doesn’t notice, only catches the frantic movement of Harry’s hands as he tries to motion Niall towards him. 

“Uncle Lou,” Niall says, interrupting the ceremony completely. Zayn can feel as his face goes red, wishing that the ground would swallow him whole. “Uncle Lou.” 

“Right, yeah. One minute,” Louis says, pausing his speech about how much he loves Liam, how much Liam means to him, and all the things he promises for their life together as man and man. “What is it, bub?” 

“You hold me,” Niall says, holding his arms up in the air. 

“Niall,” Zayn says, moving to grab him. “Sorry, Louis.” 

“Nonsense,” Louis says, slapping Zayn’s hand. “Of course I can hold my favorite boy.”

Zayn looks up at Harry, biting down on his bottom lip. He’s embarrassed, but Harry shrugs at him, mouthing that it’s okay and Zayn tries to breathe. It’s easier when he sees that Liam is grinning, his face ready to split in two at the force of it. 

“Where was I?” Louis says, holding one hand out for Liam, the other one supporting Niall. 

“You’s talking,” Niall says, nodding. “Talking to Uncle Li.” 

Louis laughs, pressing a kiss to Niall’s head. “Yeah, I think you’re right.” 

“Something about promising to be worthy of his love,” Harry supplies and Louis nods, muttering a quiet thank you before he continues on with his vows. 

~~~ 

“Can I cut in?” Zayn asks, interrupting Louis and Liam’s dance, watching as they both turn to him with a smile. Harry’s busy dancing with Zayn’s mom, Niall holding onto Harry’s legs between them, and that leaves Zayn alone. So of course he’s going to break apart the happy couple.

“Which one do you want?” Louis asks, pulling away from Liam. 

“I think I’ll take your husband first, if you don’t mind,” Zayn says, and Louis shakes his head. 

“Not at all, I need a fucking drink. I’m not nearly drunk enough. Aren’t you supposed to get drunk at these things?” Louis says, patting Zayn on his back as he walks away. 

“All right, get in here, Malik,” Liam says, grabbing onto Zayn and pulling him close. “Surprised you chose to dance with me.” 

“Haven’t gotten the chance to talk to you properly,” Zayn says. “Haven’t been able to tell you congratulations. Does that make you Mr. Tomlinson now, or Payne-Tomlinson?” 

“No idea,” Liam tells him, shrugging. “For now he’s Tomlinson and I’m Payne, we’re waiting to see who will crack first.”

“You two have always been a little odd.” 

“It’s not odd. If you married Harry, would you take his last name?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, he’d hyphenate. Styles-Malik. He already wants to do it.” 

“Really?” Liam asks, sounding surprised. “Huh, thought for sure that you’d be the one to take his name.” 

“Not a chance, Liam. Besides, unlike you two, Harry and I actually talk about those sorts of things.” 

“Yeah? You talk about what it would be like if you both ever stopped dragging your feet and got married?” 

“We don’t want to get married, don’t feel the need to do it,” Zayn clarifies, watching Harry from over Liam’s shoulder. “But yeah, we’ve talked about it.” 

“And?” 

“And we’d get married at home, in the yard. Just us, Niall and the pets.” 

Liam snorts. “Louis would kill you.” 

“I know, that’s why you’re both invited. Who did you think I meant when I said the pets?” Zayn jokes, smiling when Liam glares at him, shaking his head. “Wouldn’t be a wedding without you both there, Li. Don’t worry. I’ll make you deal with Harry while like I had to deal with Louis.” 

“Oh please,” Liam says, rolling his eyes. “Harry would be waiting for you at the alter three weeks before your wedding date, it’d be you that’d have the freak out. We’d have to leave Niall with Harry. It’s the only way you’d show up, if only to get Niall, then we’d tie you to a chair. I’m not sure how we’d force the I do out of you, but we’ll manage.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes, not wanting to admit the truth behind that. Instead he sighs, continuing his dance with Liam until the song ends. He winks at him, giving him one last hug, telling him congratulations one more time before he wanders off, wanting to find Louis for one of those drinks he was talking about. He’s stopped halfway to the bar, arms wrapping around and pulling him close. 

“Give up on my mother?” Zayn asks, feeling as Harry drops his head on his shoulder. 

“She gave up on me, ditched me for a little blond that needed to use the potty,” Harry says, loosening his grip on Zayn so that he can spin around. “How much longer until Niall wants to go home?” 

Zayn pulls a face, shaking his head. “He won’t. He’ll fight sleep until he passes out in someone’s arms for the remainder of the night.” 

“So does that mean we have enough time left to dance? Because I’ve been eyeing you all night, was kind of jealous you chose Liam over me.” 

“I don’t know if my date will be happy with that, but yeah, I think I could dance with you.” 

Harry grins, grabbing Zayn’s hand and pulling him towards the little open area where everyone is dancing. 

“Wait, now?” Zayn asks, tugging back on Harry’s grip. The music’s too fast, tempo not nearly slow enough for Zayn’s liking. He thought Harry would want to wait, wait until the songs slowed down and they could slip in between all the bodies pressed together. Half of these people Zayn doesn’t even know, least of all does he want them to see him dance. “Harry, I can’t dance.” 

“Nonsense,” Harry says, slipping one arm around Zayn’s waist, the other still holding onto his hand. “All we have to do is sway together, preteen style, yeah?” 

Zayn laughs, shaking his head as he drapes his arm over Harry’s shoulder, stepping in closer to him. He can see his mother coming back into the room, holding onto Niall, his head resting on her shoulder. Zayn smiles at her, despite her not being able to see him. 

The song changes, still something that doesn’t match the pace of their dancing but Zayn doesn’t care. He’s content to just be with Harry, to his eyes slip closed as he rests his head on Harry’s shoulder. It’s been a long day, and Zayn wants nothing more than to go home and collapse into bed with Harry, sleeping the night away and as much of the morning as they can get. That’s all he wants, to be alone with Harry. 

“Falling asleep on me, Malik?” Harry asks, nudging Zayn with his shoulder until he lifts his head, glaring at Harry. 

“Was getting comfortable, yeah.” 

Harry nods, breathing out deeply for a second before he says, “Earlier, when we walked out together, in front of everyone, it felt weird.” 

“Weird?” Zayn repeats, his eyebrow raising. “How so?” 

“Felt like it was for us, too. Not just for Louis and Liam,” Harry explains, shrugging. “Like we were standing across from each other, smiling at each other. I don’t know. Felt like it was our moment too.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, and like, I’ve been freaking out for a week about this, so you have to promise not to freak out,” Harry says, letting go of Zayn’s hand to shove his it into his pocket. “Promise not to freak.” 

Zayn snorts, shaking his head. “I’m hardly the kind of person to promise such a thing. What did you do?” 

“So, I know that we’ve talked about marriage not being for us,” Harry says, pulling his hand out of his pocket. “But I’ve been trying to think, you know, what is us. And I think I figured it out,” he mumbles, opening his hand to show two rings, silver in color, and Zayn can’t breathe. 

“Harry,” he stammers out, watching as Harry pulls the ring off Zayn’s finger, the one he took months ago when he pretended to be Liam’s husband, the one he’s been wearing on his left hand for ages. “What the fuck, Harry.” 

“Yeah, so I thought about it,” Harry continues, ignoring Zayn completely as he replaces that ring with the one in his hand. “The whole wedding thing isn’t us, is it?” He pauses, putting the ring he took off on Zayn’s other hand, the one that’s dropped down to his side since Harry pulled the rings out of his pocket. “But this is us. They symbol. The promise of commitment without feeling like we have to prove it to anyone but ourselves.” When he’s finished, he sighs, shoving the other ring onto his own finger. “And you know I really love you, yeah?” 

Zayn nods, unable to talk around the lump in his throat. 

“Good. Yeah. So like, I don’t need all this shit. I don’t need to tell a room full of people that I’ve talked to once in my life, I don’t need a cake, or this fucking suit with the buttons done up to my throat,” Harry says and Zayn laughs, the first noise he’s been able to make since Harry slipped the ring on his finger. “I just need you… and a little blond boy, but that’s it.” 

“Are you asking me to marry you?” Zayn asks, putting his arm back around Harry’s shoulders, grinning at him. 

“Nope. Asking means that you have the chance to say no,” Harry replies, but he’s smiling as he spins Zayn around, like he’s trying to compete with the obnoxious drunk couple on the other side of the floor. Zayn’s pretty sure it’s Nick and someone, a guy with buzzed hair and a beard, but Zayn’s not sure. He doesn’t even really care, if he’s being honest with himself. 

Louis and Liam are a few feet away, Louis draped over Liam grinning at Zayn over his shoulder. He’s pointing at his finger then at Zayn, his smile getting that much bigger when Zayn lifts his hand up, showing it off to Louis. 

“He finally did it,” Louis shouts, letting go of Liam to jump on Harry’s back. “You finally gave it to him. He was pissing himself, scared out of his mind.” 

“Thanks, Louis,” Harry mutters, letting go of Zayn so he can set Louis down on the ground. “I appreciate it.” 

“Oh, shut up, like you had anything to worry about.” 

“Wait, you knew about this?” Zayn asks, pointing between Louis and Harry. Louis looks smug, Harry a bit embarrassed. “You planned this, you little shits.” 

“It was all Harry’s idea,” Louis says, holding his hands up. “He just came to me to find out if you’d like it or not. That’s all. I was merely a secret keeper.” 

“Not a very good one since I knew,” Liam says, stepping in behind Louis, wrapping his arms around his waist. “But I guess you’re all right since Zayn had no idea.” 

“Did you tell him the best part?” Louis asks, turning to look at Harry. 

“What’s the best part?” 

“No, I haven’t. Not yet,” Harry says, sighing. “I was going to wait.” 

“What’s the best part?” Zayn repeats, because he thought getting a ring was pretty fucking great. He’s not sure what Harry could have planned that would top something like this. 

“You’ve got a honeymoon,” Louis shouts, grinning wickedly. 

“What?” 

“Yeah, Liam and I packed all our bags last night. It’s why I haven’t gone grocery shopping. I wanted it to be a surprise. We leave in the morning,” Harry says, smiling, nervous and unsure. “Surprise?” 

“What about the dog?” Zayn asks, blinking in confusion. They have—there’s so much planning that goes into something like this. Harry has to call off work, they have to figure out what to do about the pets, to find someone to keep an eye on the house. There’s so much. How—god, Zayn’s so confused right now. “What about the cats?” 

“Your mother is going to care of them.” 

“Even my mom knew?” Zayn says, turning to glare at Harry. “How long are we going to be gone?” 

“Two weeks,” Harry says. 

“Two weeks?” Zayn repeats, shaking his head. “No. No. That’s too long. What about Niall? He’s can’t—no. Fuck. I can’t be gone that long. You can have two weeks, I’ll need to come back in two days. Oh god. What about Niall?” 

“He’ll be with us, Zayn,” Harry assures him, shaking his head. “Honestly. Did you really think that I’d forget my own son? Did you really think I’d want to be without him for that long?” 

Zayn breathes out a sigh of relief, sagging against Harry completely. “Fuck, I need a drink. Can I be hung over on the plane tomorrow? Or are we not taking a plane?”

“God, yes. Let’s get a drink,” Louis says, grabbing Liam and pulling him towards the bar. It only takes a minute for Zayn to do the same with Harry, grabbing his hand, their rings clinking together as he pulls him away from the dance floor. 

~~~ 

It’s hot where they are, the sun beating down on them from their deck. Zayn thinks Harry’s spent too much money renting them a small house that’s far too lavish for their simple life. But he wouldn’t hear any of it when Zayn tried to tell him that, when they walked into the house and Zayn saw just how lovely it was on the inside, pale blue ways and wooden floors with white furniture. It’s been a miracle trying to keep Niall’s sticky fingers off the couch. 

They’re at the house now, Zayn and Harry sharing a sun lounger on the deck while Niall naps. They have the umbrella open, blocking the sun from beating down on them, making it bearable when Harry throws an arm over Zayn’s waist, rolling into him. 

“How long have we been together?” Harry mumbles, his eyes slipping closed as he leans against Zayn. “How long has it been?” 

“Forever, I think,” Zayn answers, laughing when Harry pinches his ribs. “Since we met or since we got our shit together?” 

“Since we met,” Harry says. “We’d have only been together three weeks if we count from when we got our shit together.” 

Fair point, Zayn thinks, even though he counts them figuring it out when Zayn stopped arguing with himself about how much he wants Harry, not the amount of time that’s passed since their last fight. “Nearly two years, I suppose.” 

“Has it really been that long?” Harry asks. 

“Yeah, I think. Why? You ready to trade me in?”

Harry nods against Zayn’s shoulder. “Yeah, think it’s about time. You’re getting old.” 

“What about Niall? Is he getting too old for you?” 

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to put you both in a home, I’m afraid,” Harry says, pulling away from Zayn, his eyes opening slowly as he pouts, shaking his head. “A three year old son? Definitely not what I signed up for.” 

“Oh god,” Zayn groans, dropping his head back on the cushion. “You’re not supposed to remind me of his age. You know I hate that.” 

“Sorry, love,” Harry says, rolling on top of Zayn, his chin digging into Zayn’s sternum. “What should I remind you of instead?”

“Remind me what we’re doing when Niall wakes up, I forgot.” 

“We’re going to the beach.” 

Zayn lifts his head up slowly, staring at Harry’s face. He’s grinning, obviously aware of how against this Zayn is. The argued about it on the plane, how Zayn is not going to voluntarily walk into the ocean. He’s not. He’s really, really not. 

~~~

Zayn squirts more sunscreen into his hand as he motions for Niall to turn around so he can rub it on the back of his body. He’s being generous, applying far more than Niall will actually need. The sun is different here, that’s what Zayn hears anyway. 

“He has to wear a life jacket,” Zayn says, squinting so that he can see Harry in the blaring sun. “He can’t go in without one.” 

“I know,” Harry says. “You’ve told me. And I’m not an idiot.” 

“But this isn’t like the pool at him,” Zayn explains, rubbing the excess lotion on his shorts. “There’s a current, it could drag him under the water and just carry him away. Forever. Pools can’t do that.” 

“It big,” Niall says, pointing out towards the ocean. 

“Yeah, it’s too big and you’re too little.”

“All right, babe. You’re getting irrational again,” Harry says, loosening Zayn’s grip on Niall. “I’m going to hold onto him, he won’t be in the water without me. And when I let go of him we’ll stay in water where it comes to his ankles.”

Zayn takes a deep breath, nodding. “Okay. Yeah. That’s fine, then,” Zayn mumbles, wiping some of the sweat off his brow. “You two have fun and just…stay where I can see you, okay? Don’t go out far.” 

Harry nods as he lifts Niall into his arms. “We won’t go too far,” he says, licking his lips. “You’ll be out there with us.” 

“No,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “No. No, no. I’m okay.”

“Baba, come water.” 

“Oh no, baby, Baba’s going to stay on the sand. I’ll walk to the water with you, but Baba is just going to watch.” 

“No, Baba swim.” 

“No, Baba watch.” 

Niall sighs, shaking his head. “Baba, you swim. Okay? You’s swim.” 

Zayn groans as Harry grabs his hand, both Niall and Harry smiling as they walk him towards the ocean. Zayn feels his body seize up when the water laps around his bare feet, leaving them wet one second and dry the next, forcing his toes down into the sand. He has to close his eyes as they walk out further, trying to remember how to breathe. Niall’s laughing, squealing in delights as they go out further. 

Zayn doesn’t open his eyes until they water hits the middle of his thighs and Harry stops moving, still gripping onto Zayn’s hand. His breath catches in his throat because this is his first time in the ocean, the first time he’s ever allowed anyone to pull him into it. Harry’s still holding onto him, holding onto Niall as Zayn surveys the water. 

There are people everywhere, families and couples from the houses close to theirs. They’re all having fun and Zayn breathes out, because it’s not a big deal. It’s not, even though he can feel the water as it pulls away from the shore trying to drag him away but the sand is pooling around his feet, anchoring him down. 

“You okay?” Harry asks, voice soft as his thumb strokes Zayn’s wrist. He steps in closer, kissing the side of Zayn’s head, watching him closely, checking for any signs of discomfort. 

“Yeah,” he breathes out, nodding. “I’m good. I’ll be fine. How about you Niall? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, Baba,” Niall says, smiling. “Baba, I’m swim. Okay? I’m swim?” 

Zayn looks up at Harry, watching as he shrugs before slowly lowering himself in the water. He takes three steps back from Zayn, holding onto Niall as the submerge themselves. 

“When I let go you have to kick your legs and swim to Baba, okay? Just like I taught you, remember?”

Niall nods, floating on his stomach. And just like Harry told him, he kicks, guided by the light push until he collides with Zayn’s stomach. Niall’s smiling, mouth open wide s he laughs, asking Zayn to turn him around so he can swim to Harry. 

They stay in the water until the sun starts to set, and when they’re done, Zayn takes Harry’s hand once more and lets him guide him out of the water, the pair of them moving together, Niall pressed between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read this, whether you just picked it up, or you’ve been here since the very beginning of Trust Me, thank you so much. The end of SWM, and the posting of Our Love, marks the end of the Trust Me series. I’ll probably pick this back up and do time stamps for it in the future, because unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let this series go, but for now I’m moving on to other things. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Here's my [tumblr](http://www.alnimawrites.tumblr.com) if you want to yell at me about this or anything :).


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